|
This is just a quick rant because I think it's weird that something like that would happen.
My gf is studying architecture and she got an internship in Alberta (we're in QC). It's supposed to last for all of April and just recently she learned that she was supposed to share a 4 room apartment with 3 "exchange students", all of which are males. This is what her uni decided to pay for.
Neither of us are very happy with that, obviously - so if I have to, I'll get her one of those furnished places with monthly rates. The point though is that she goes to a pretty reputable school and it just blows my mind that they would do that.
Is that stuff common?
  
|
Where in Alberta does she have the internship?
For my internships, I have to cover all the living expenses, the school doesn't touch any of that stuff.
|
Does your gf have a name that could be mistaken for a man's name?
Casey, etc
|
On March 30 2011 03:11 Chairman Ray wrote:
Where in Alberta does she have the internship?
For my internships, I have to cover all the living expenses, the school doesn't touch any of that stuff.
Her school picked and pays for it - she'll be somewhere in Calgary.
On March 30 2011 03:13 andeh wrote:
Does your gf have a name that could be mistaken for a man's name?
Casey, etc
Tessa, so that's probably not it =P
|
I'm in Calgary atm as well. It shouldn't be too difficult finding a place to rent. If you talk to her school, maybe they could cover some of the costs.
|
Hey I'm in Calgary! Is she going to UofC? Normally they wouldn't mess up that badly with roommates and whatnot but I'm sure that if she requested to get a transfer to a different room (with girl roommates) or even cover for some of the costs?
|
I'd be pretty pissed off as well. It was my understanding that in those types of situations they dont even allow unisex rooms. My gf and i were looking at staying on residence at a couple colleges a few years ago and none allowed it.
|
On March 30 2011 03:21 kOre wrote:
Hey I'm in Calgary! Is she going to UofC? Normally they wouldn't mess up that badly with roommates and whatnot but I'm sure that if she requested to get a transfer to a different room (with girl roommates) or even cover for some of the costs?
Actually it's an exchange type of thing (sort of), she goes to a local uni in QC and they sent her to Calgary for her internship because she checked the travel option, otherwise she would've done it locally. Alberta is obviously an exotic travel location!
I don't know if she can get her school to pay some of the expenses if she decides not to take the option they give her.
|
Shes sharing the apartment, not the room. Its alright to feel uncomfortable about it but i think you are going overboard to think that the uni has done wrong, (unless the uni previously mentioned that they will only have females for the apartment)
Edit: on second thoughts, i think i understand the situation. Australia and Canada are deemed to be very very similar countries. I for one, know what most people living in Aus is like. They tend to whine alot about the most trivial matters, and have no appreciation for what their country has to offer (we got free water here, i dont see anyone being thankful for that). And i think that trait is common in Canada.
|
Emmm... Can't really see a problem here?
She get's a paid room somewhere, she should just shut up or pay for it herself if it's not up to her standards. What's the big deal about living with three males? It's only for three months and I doubt they would do anything "unseemly".
Perhaps it would have been nicer from a social aspect for her to get to bunk with girls but she has no reason to complain when she lives there for free.
|
i'm also in calgary~ i would imagine if its an internship she'll be working with one of the profs at the UofC. is she staying at the hotel alma during this time? i'm pretty sure they have a lot of rooms for singles instead of shacking up?
worst case scenario if you're in an emergency i guess, just get her to stay with a TL member in calgary if they're willing?
|
Hmmm if it's just for April it shouldn't be too bad ... but yeah just ask your school to see if she can get another place or at least help pay for a bit for another place. Alberta is so exotic, so many deer and cows in the middle of the roads ... 
|
LOL sorry that sounds hilarious. She will probably have a good time welcoming the foreigners into the country
|
On March 30 2011 03:33 ProjectVirtue wrote:
i'm also in calgary~ i would imagine if its an internship she'll be working with one of the profs at the UofC. is she staying at the hotel alma during this time? i'm pretty sure they have a lot of rooms for singles instead of shacking up?
worst case scenario if you're in an emergency i guess, just get her to stay with a TL member in calgary if they're willing?
Well by internship (and maybe that's the wrong term, excuse my frenchness), I mean basically she has a job with a company there for a month so she can see what it's like to work in that business. I'm pretty sure it doesn't have anything to do with UofC
Perhaps it would have been nicer from a social aspect for her to get to bunk with girls but she has no reason to complain when she lives there for free.
Well I'm not whining as much as I'm questioning what they chose for her. She's uncomfortable with it because when she signed up they said that it would be good - at the time she didn't even think it would be possible that something like it would happen.
I'll probably be helping her get her own place for April to keep her from having to share a place with 3 guys.
On March 30 2011 03:40 FakePlasticLove wrote:
LOL sorry that sounds hilarious. She will probably have a good time welcoming the foreigners into the country
-_-
|
You'd think they'd at least go 2:2, but its great living with exchange students. When I went on exchange to Canada in '03/'04 I think it was (Queen's University, Kingston, Ontario) I stayed in a house for ~8 months with the following crowd:
Male, French, Art major
Female, German, English/History major
Female, Scottish, Biology/Neuroscience major
Male, English (me), Physics major
Female, American, Business major
Male, German, Psychology major
Female, Canadian, Can't actually remember what she was studying, English/History I think?
Male, Canadian, Drama major, ex-Physics major
And it was honestly the greatest social experience of my life. So many different personalities, points of view and a wide range of study areas lead to an amazing learning experience in general knowledge, scientific knowledge, social skills and learning how to deal with diversity. I'd recommend an exchange program to anybody.
|
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
I really don't understand why this is a problem... maybe I'm missing something, can you explain why you take issue with this?
Edit: Sorry, I don't want to prevaricate, so I should probably ask more directly, is the problem here that your girlfriend will be in close proximity with other men?
Honestly, I think it's far stranger that you'd take issue with it than that they would put her in a house with some men.
|
|
|
I don't really see the problem. Its just your paranoia, no matter how much i think about it, and abit sexist as well.
|
On March 30 2011 04:08 SirJolt wrote:
I really don't understand why this is a problem... maybe I'm missing something, can you explain why you take issue with this?
Ah well maybe it's something with my culture then. You don't get it and you're from Ireland and this guy from Sweden thinks it's stupid too.
Why I take issue is largely irrelevant - what matters is that she's uncomfortable with it, even if they turn out to be good people. And she was also worried (she has her reasons) because men are not always particularly nice/respectable. I mean, I never really trust people right away myself. Kind of sucks if they're all bigger and stronger than me -- you get the point?
She already wasn't thrilled with sharing a room with people, the fact that it's 3 guys is weird. It was mentioned earlier that 2 girls and 2 guys would make more sense... That's how stuff is usually done around here.
I mean, you don't need to be a psychologist that oftentimes, when you have 4 people and 3 are guys, there are weird dynamics in play.
On March 30 2011 04:15 Cubu wrote:
I don't really see the problem. Its just your paranoia, no matter how much i think about it, and abit sexist as well.
Like I said, what I think doesn't really matter. It's not paranoia - I'm just somewhat bothered by it. She's pretty uncomfortable with it and she kind of has her own reasons for that. Sexist? No - there are differences between men and women.
|
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
Just presume that any other guy in there is going to be pretty much the same as you, man. I also don't really see why she'd be uncomfortable; it comes off an awful lot like some kind of trust issues thing, but as you said, that could be a cultural difference...
Aside from that, I'm going to leave the cure here in this spoiler tag.
+ Show Spoiler +
|
It might be just the luck of the draw. I would assume since it is a joint venture from mulitple schools sending their students to this job internship I will assume the other three are in the same field as she is and they will probably have a lot in common in terms of knowledge and sharing with each other what they learned at their respected schools. Four schools participated, three sent males one sent a female.
|
On March 30 2011 04:27 SirJolt wrote:Just presume that any other guy in there is going to be pretty much the same as you, man. I also don't really see why she'd be uncomfortable; it comes off an awful lot like some kind of trust issues thing, but as you said, that could be a cultural difference... Aside from that, I'm going to leave the cure here in this spoiler tag. + Show Spoiler +
Well according to pretty much everybody I know in real life and most of my canadian/US friends it's weird to put a girl in an apartment with 3 guys, so maybe that's just how we roll.
On March 30 2011 04:30 Kralic wrote:
It might be just the luck of the draw. I would assume since it is a joint venture from mulitple schools sending their students to this job internship I will assume the other three are in the same field as she is and they will probably have a lot in common in terms of knowledge and sharing with each other what they learned at their respected schools. Four schools participated, three sent males one sent a female.
That's very possible.
|
I'm Canadian, and I don't really understand your expectation that they would try and arrange either unisex or gender balanced quarters, or that weird dynamics would arise. Unless you two are still young enough to think that you need to be friends or have a social life with everyone you live with.
That said, you are absolutely right that the only thing that matters is whether or not she is comfortable with the situation. One thing she might ask is whether or not there will be someone who can act as a temporary "resident supervisor" if one is needed. If there is, she might be more comfortable with the living arrangements. If not, this point can probably be used to bolster her argument against the arrangements.
|
Hmm, it may seem weird, especially at first, but really living with people of the opposite sex in uneven ratios isn't really that big of a deal. First off, she won't be in the house 24/7, especially if it's a job type situation. Second, she will meet other people to interact with outside of the house. Third, they are probably really decent people- just because you are living with someone of the opposite sex doesn't mean their is going to be a sexual relationship in any way. Their may be an awkward week or two, but really I doubt it will be a big deal. In my opinion, free housing (especially because Calgary isn't too cheap) way out weighs any awkwardness.
I take this from the perspective of having lived with mostly women for the past year. I guess everyone is different, and if she is completely opposed to it- then what can you do? But really, it isn't that weird, think of it from the perspective of living with three male cousins.
|
Well, I trust my wife, and I don't trust random guys, but if a situation like this came up, I would leave it to her opinion. It's a situation where everyone has all their pertinent information handed to someone at the program, which makes it a really stupid idea to chance anything.
Odds are, the random dudes aren't sex offenders. They may even be openly gay. I mean, you probably see tons of people's girlfriends and wives in a day, have you ever done anything criminal towards them?
If she's really that uncomfortable with it, then sure, do what's needed, but by the same token, it sounds like one or both of you is/are paranoid to a rather unhealthy extreme.
|
Dude, it's just for sharing purposes. They're just going to share a lot of experiences together, so it only makes sense.
|
Are you maybe scared she'll fall in love with one of the dudes?
|
On March 30 2011 04:36 munchmunch wrote:
I'm Canadian, and I don't really understand your expectation that they would try and arrange either unisex or gender balanced quarters, or that weird dynamics would arise. Unless you two are still young enough to think that you need to be friends or have a social life with everyone you live with.
That said, you are absolutely right that the only thing that matters is whether or not she is comfortable with the situation. One thing she might ask is whether or not there will be someone who can act as a temporary "resident supervisor" if one is needed. If there is, she might be more comfortable with the living arrangements. If not, this point can probably be used to bolster her argument against the arrangements.
Well she's 20 - and I can see that it's not that "bad" so to speak but merely weird as from experience, the system usually tries to make a 1:1 mix or split into unisex rooms. And yeah, as for her, she's had "rough life experiences"? So I think that it's completely understandable that she wouldn't be entirely comfortable with the whole situation.
It's not rare that I'll hear about meeting really weird people in student exchanges and such.
On March 30 2011 04:40 DwmC_Foefen wrote:
Are you maybe scared she'll fall in love with one of the dudes?
No, but like someone mentioned earlier, "i trust her but i don't trust 3 random dudes". Sure they're probably alright... Probably.
|
Honestly, thinking on it some more, I'd be scared to be one of the guys. At least here in the US, it would take one phone call and random story of one of them pulling something creepy and bam, his life is ruined, for the crime of leaving the toilet seat up.
|
On March 30 2011 04:37 JingleHell wrote:it sounds like one or both of you is/are paranoid to a rather unhealthy extreme.
No no, really nothing extreme about it. I'm not freaking out and nor is she, but she was worried and uncomfortable with it, and since it's 1 month we figured that we might as well make it comfortable for her.
|
Are there four rooms and bathrooms or is it a 2 bedroom (2 beds in each room) 2 bath thing? The latter would be pretty weird. The former doesn't seem too bad.
Edit: Ok, I reread OP and seems like it's four separate rooms. That's not too unusual, but if she's not comfortable with it, then you should see what you can do to change it.
|
Calgary25969 Posts
On March 30 2011 04:32 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 04:27 SirJolt wrote:Just presume that any other guy in there is going to be pretty much the same as you, man. I also don't really see why she'd be uncomfortable; it comes off an awful lot like some kind of trust issues thing, but as you said, that could be a cultural difference... Aside from that, I'm going to leave the cure here in this spoiler tag. + Show Spoiler + Well according to pretty much everybody I know in real life and most of my canadian/US friends it's weird to put a girl in an apartment with 3 guys, so maybe that's just how we roll. Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 04:30 Kralic wrote:
It might be just the luck of the draw. I would assume since it is a joint venture from mulitple schools sending their students to this job internship I will assume the other three are in the same field as she is and they will probably have a lot in common in terms of knowledge and sharing with each other what they learned at their respected schools. Four schools participated, three sent males one sent a female. That's very possible.
Hi, I'm from Canada, and I think this situation is fine and wouldn't have given it a second thought.
Edit: I'm sure all this takes is a phone call and her saying "I feel uncomfortable in this setup". Have you done that?
|
If you aren't satisfied with what the school has done, move out.
I go to Waterloo. I've done 6 4 month co-op terms, as has every one of my engineering friends. Nobody pays for housing, the companies pay us. We've all lived with girls, guys, whatever. Sometimes it's not the best living conditions (I once lived with 4 girls and MASSIVE drama went on in that house...) But it comes down to the people.
If you don't like it don't do it. But frankly it's standard to live with people of the opposite gender.
|
yea it does seem weird that a school would arrange that. I think it's great that you're willing to put up the money to send her. Honestly, I dont think it's safe for her to be sharing an apartment with three random men.
The two of you should talk to her school and just be like "this is completely unusual and it makes it even more intimidating for women who want to pursue a male dominated field such as architecture."
I think the two of you are being completely reasonable and I don't think this has anything to do with trust or society's current place on mixed-gender living.
|
Co-ed, paid for student housing? Oh the horror!
|
On March 30 2011 04:52 Enervate wrote:
Are there four rooms and bathrooms or is it a 2 bed 2 bath thing? The latter would be pretty weird. The former doesn't seem too bad.
4 rooms and they don't each have a bathroom I believe, not sure if there's only 1 common bathroom or more. Then theres a common fridge and living room and stuff. I admit it's not that bad but it doesn't change the fact that even I wouldn't like to live with strangers for entirely different reasons.
|
Calgary25969 Posts
On March 30 2011 04:55 LittleAtari wrote:
yea it does seem weird that a school would arrange that. I think it's great that you're willing to put up the money to send her. Honestly, I dont think it's safe for her to be sharing an apartment with three random men.
How is that not safe? Am I naiive? When a woman meets three random strange men in a safe setting in a safe country, how often does something bad happen? Like 0.00001%? As I said I may be ridiculously naiive, but what exactly is unsafe about this situation?
|
There is the option of buying her a good, solid, lock and key doorknob, and teaching her to install it. I doubt anyone reasonable would take offense. If they did, she would have a serious reason to make the people in charge move her.
Might be the cheaper alternative.
The two of you should talk to her school and just be like "this is completely unusual and it makes it even more intimidating for women who want to pursue a male dominated field such as architecture."
Yes, helpless woman line is incredibly liberating.
|
Canada9720 Posts
i've lived in a dorm suite (4 bedrooms with individual locks, 2 common bathrooms, common kitchen and living room) with another male friend of mine and two girls that neither of us knew. things worked out fine. this is a fairly common scenario in universities. before doing your own thing, you should do as chill suggested and call the school.
|
On March 30 2011 04:55 sikyon wrote:
If you aren't satisfied with what the school has done, move out.
The school did something which we consider to be somewhat questionable, but the issue is entirely fixable by us. The school didn't even have to pay for it in the first place, so it's just weird, not bad.
Hi, I'm from Canada, and I think this situation is fine and wouldn't have given it a second thought.
Edit: I'm sure all this takes is a phone call and her saying "I feel uncomfortable in this setup". Have you done that?
She hasn't yet. She'll be working on trying to get the money from them so we can rent a place for her to live alone. Since many people don't seem to understand her concerns because I haven't really explained it, she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen.
She's not worried enough that she wouldn't have gone if that had been her only option, but it would have made her nervous.
How is that not safe? Am I naiive? When a woman meets three random strange men in a safe setting in a safe country, how often does something bad happen? Like 0.00001%? As I said I may be ridiculously naiive, but what exactly is unsafe about this situation?
Safe country? Safer than Sierra Leone yes but bad things happen.
On March 30 2011 04:55 LittleAtari wrote:
yea it does seem weird that a school would arrange that. I think it's great that you're willing to put up the money to send her. Honestly, I dont think it's safe for her to be sharing an apartment with three random men.
The two of you should talk to her school and just be like "this is completely unusual and it makes it even more intimidating for women who want to pursue a male dominated field such as architecture."
I think the two of you are being completely reasonable and I don't think this has anything to do with trust or society's current place on mixed-gender living.
Eh, we lock our doors for a reason 
|
Lol sometimes i dont even lock my doors because i forget. But anyways. If it is an issue bring it up with the people that are paying for her stay. Chances are they will understand, they probably thought it of them as 4 adults living together, not 3 guys and a girl living together.
So pretty much bring it up with the employer, its only a month so I don't know how much they can do but it definitely is not strange that 3 guys live with 1 girl.
|
On March 30 2011 05:22 te3l wrote:
Lol sometimes i dont even lock my doors because i forget. But anyways. If it is an issue bring it up with the people that are paying for her stay. Chances are they will understand, they probably thought it of them as 4 adults living together, not 3 guys and a girl living together.
So pretty much bring it up with the employer, its only a month so I don't know how much they can do but it definitely is not strange that 3 guys live with 1 girl.
She's leaving friday so talking to the school probably wouldn't help, that's why we're handling it ourselves for now but she'll talk to the school. As for it being "not weird" for 3 guys living with 1 girl, you're right IMO if they know each other - if they don't however, I would say that it can be kind of dangerous for her.
Either way, she's the judge of that.
|
Yeah, its totally up to her. Its definitely a risk, but then there's a risk in everything we do every day. If its a risk she's not willing to take, then you're dealing with it in the proper manner.
|
It's not just about the safety concerns. I'm fairly confident that there's a 0% chance that the three other guys are gonna rob her or something. The issue is that if one of the three guys seems kinda creepy, it will make her entire stay uncomfortable.
|
On March 30 2011 05:02 Djzapz wrote:
Edit: I'm sure all this takes is a phone call and her saying "I feel uncomfortable in this setup". Have you done that?
She hasn't yet. She'll be working on trying to get the money from them so we can rent a place for her to live alone. Since many people don't seem to understand her concerns because I haven't really explained it, she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen.
[/QUOTE]
so you're really trying to paint your concern as something other than your fear that it's a little more than coincidence that your girlfriend has as many orifices as there are guys in the dorm?? This is like a really bad plot for one of those college porn skits on redtube...
i mean, it's not like girls get in fist fights or anything...
|
Yeah I'm sure her school made her do it.
|
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< )
I'm sorry Chill, but I think you are being a bit naive, but on the other hand, I understand how at a university level all with educational intentions, why would it not be possible to live with 3 equally intelligent peers who are presumably civilized and restrained.
Sadly, it isn't uncommon for what is implied here to happen. It just goes either unreported or becomes a misdemeanor.
That's my take on it. I'm on the fence, I agree with Chill and just call them, hassle them and then file a proper complaint.
After that, you're pretty much safe.
Edit: she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen.
Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight?
Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit.
|
so you're really trying to paint your concern as something other than your fear that it's a little more than coincidence that your girlfriend has as many orifices as there are guys in the dorm?? This is like a really bad plot for one of those college porn skits on redtube...
i mean, it's not like girls get in fist fights or anything...
You put it in a very creepy way, but no my concern isn't that she might get gangbanged. I don't know why you would put it like that either... Let me explain my issue. My main concern is in fact that she is concerned. Is that not enough for you?
However I built this thread on the idea that it's somewhat weird that a canadian school would do this - which it is. It doesn't generally happen. Stop lashing onto the idea that I think she'll get raped, that's just part of the picture. And also, stop worrying about my perspective and try to think about it from her perspective if you want to actually understand.
On March 30 2011 06:11 Zim23 wrote:
Yeah I'm sure her school made her do it.
Jesus, I don't usually say things like this but you're really not very intelligent. Read the thread before you throw in a clever one-liner.
|
Ignore those that are being clever, they're not very witty and just enticing you to respond to them.
|
On March 30 2011 06:13 Torte de Lini wrote:
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< )
She goes to UDM. As for the complaint thing, I don't know if it'll be a formal complaint - she'll probably just ask if the school will help her pay for the place she chooses. One issue is really time related because she's leaving friday so the school probably wouldn't have time to get anything figured out.
Edit: Show nested quote +she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen. Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight? Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit.
Well like I said, we probably won't be using it, but yes she filed a report when it happened.
|
On March 30 2011 06:23 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:13 Torte de Lini wrote:
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< ) She goes to UDM. As for the complaint thing, I don't know if it'll be a formal complaint - she'll probably just ask if the school will help her pay for the place she chooses. One issue is really time related because she's leaving friday so the school probably wouldn't have time to get anything figured out. Show nested quote +Edit: she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen. Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight? Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit. Well like I said, we probably won't be using it, but yes she filed a report when it happened.
Should use it and just because she's leaving doesn't mean she can't change places when she gets there. Or even after, stay there a few days and then switch when something is available.
The school should be putting your GF's, their student, safety first. Especially when it may deter her educational accomplishments and productivity at this internship. If she's suffered from domestic abuse from a male and you have legal document, use it and pressure them with her concerns.
Never too late.
|
On March 30 2011 06:27 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:23 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 06:13 Torte de Lini wrote:
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< ) She goes to UDM. As for the complaint thing, I don't know if it'll be a formal complaint - she'll probably just ask if the school will help her pay for the place she chooses. One issue is really time related because she's leaving friday so the school probably wouldn't have time to get anything figured out. Edit: she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen. Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight? Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit. Well like I said, we probably won't be using it, but yes she filed a report when it happened. Should use it and just because she's leaving doesn't mean she can't change places when she gets there. Or even after, stay there a few days and then switch when something is available. The school should be putting your GF's, their student, safety first. Especially when it may deter her educational accomplishments and productivity at this internship. If she's suffered from domestic abuse from a male and you have legal document, use it and pressure them with her concerns. Never too late.
Oh just to clear it up, it wasn't domestic abuse.
But yeah we've got it mostly figured out so it'll be comfortable for her - and with some luck maybe the school will help out.
|
On March 30 2011 06:29 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:27 Torte de Lini wrote:On March 30 2011 06:23 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 06:13 Torte de Lini wrote:
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< ) She goes to UDM. As for the complaint thing, I don't know if it'll be a formal complaint - she'll probably just ask if the school will help her pay for the place she chooses. One issue is really time related because she's leaving friday so the school probably wouldn't have time to get anything figured out. Edit: she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen. Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight? Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit. Well like I said, we probably won't be using it, but yes she filed a report when it happened. Should use it and just because she's leaving doesn't mean she can't change places when she gets there. Or even after, stay there a few days and then switch when something is available. The school should be putting your GF's, their student, safety first. Especially when it may deter her educational accomplishments and productivity at this internship. If she's suffered from domestic abuse from a male and you have legal document, use it and pressure them with her concerns. Never too late. Oh just to clear it up, it wasn't domestic abuse. But yeah we've got it mostly figured out so it'll be comfortable for her - and with some luck maybe the school will help out.
Ah, al'right. Still doesn't mean it isn't valid.
And uh... what luck are we talking about it here? I don't want to say the school is practically obligated to resituate your girlfriend, in fear that I might be wrong, but I'm fairly sure they have to fucking do something if you preset a real (real being actual and sustained by documentation of a previous occurrence) and factual problem.
I said all I need to say (this time for real).
Best of luck/Bonne chance.
|
Oh man, Calgary, the only decent university here is probably the UofC, and i'm probably sure the university has nothing to do with this, but you never know. Anyways, it shouldnt be very expensive to find a 1 room apartment here or w/e. I have a pretty big apartment and it's like.... 650/month? Not bad.
|
On March 30 2011 06:17 Djzapz wrote:
And also, stop worrying about my perspective and try to think about it from her perspective if you want to actually understand.
from her perspective, i would say it would be similar to me suffering from some random act of violence, and then determining that everyone that is a part of the particular ethnic group that the person represents is likely to do the same thing to me
furthermore, it's at a university. what kind of savages do you (or your girlfriend) think go to a university that she'll be in imminent danger because she's in the presence of males??
|
On March 30 2011 06:32 Torte de Lini wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:29 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 06:27 Torte de Lini wrote:On March 30 2011 06:23 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 06:13 Torte de Lini wrote:
File a complaint that these living arrangements are not suitable due to her personal past history. If anything was to occur with those students and her, the school would be held liable since they ignored your complaint and request to change the living arrangements and you get big bucks.
I'm surprised Emperor didn't ask this, but which uni in QC are you guys in, you better fucking say Concordia (oh and join our Concordia club D:< ) She goes to UDM. As for the complaint thing, I don't know if it'll be a formal complaint - she'll probably just ask if the school will help her pay for the place she chooses. One issue is really time related because she's leaving friday so the school probably wouldn't have time to get anything figured out. Edit: she got punched in the face by a man once, which broke her nose. She didn't go crazy or anything but she more careful than a person to whom that didn't happen. Hope she filed a report because this will further your cause so fucking easily, it's not even funny. Domestic abuse or just a violent fight? Oh God, I hope to fucking hell she got that shit on paper, the school can't ignore that shit. Well like I said, we probably won't be using it, but yes she filed a report when it happened. Should use it and just because she's leaving doesn't mean she can't change places when she gets there. Or even after, stay there a few days and then switch when something is available. The school should be putting your GF's, their student, safety first. Especially when it may deter her educational accomplishments and productivity at this internship. If she's suffered from domestic abuse from a male and you have legal document, use it and pressure them with her concerns. Never too late. Oh just to clear it up, it wasn't domestic abuse. But yeah we've got it mostly figured out so it'll be comfortable for her - and with some luck maybe the school will help out. Ah, al'right. Still doesn't mean it isn't valid. And uh... what luck are we talking about it here? I don't want to say the school is practically obligated to resituate your girlfriend, in fear that I might be wrong, but I'm fairly sure they have to fucking do something if you preset a real (real being actual and sustained by documentation of a previous occurrence) and factual problem. I said all I need to say (this time for real). Best of luck/Bonne chance.
Well I don't know much about what the obligations of the school are, I know that not every internship comes with free housing so that was kind of a bonus for her. When I talk about the school "helping out" I mean that, if 1 month with those 3 guys was going to cost UDM $1000, then it would be nice if they paid $1000 of the apartment she'll be renting alone, and we'd pay for the rest.
Thanks for the heads up though, might be worth it to make a formal complaint.
On March 30 2011 06:38 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:17 Djzapz wrote:
And also, stop worrying about my perspective and try to think about it from her perspective if you want to actually understand.
from her perspective, i would say it would be similar to me suffering from some random act of violence, and then determining that everyone that is a part of the particular ethnic group that the person represents is likely to do the same thing to me furthermore, it's at a university. what kind of savages do you (or your girlfriend) think go to a university that she'll be in imminent danger because she's in the presence of males??
It's predominently discomfort that's a problem here, the "danger" part is merely a concern of hers. What do you suggest she does? "Oh you got attacked by someone so you should immediately adopt a purely rational vision of the world according to which, statistically, you're going to be fine"
The world doesn't work like that Hawk, and maybe you should consider that. If she feels that it's unsafe because of a bad experience, it's her thing and I think it's legitimate to avoid feeling unsafe, even though people like you may think it's not justified.
|
IMO, 3 guys, 1 girl, and months together to get up to nasty, nasty will happen! People are animals, and that's just what animals do. Especially if the girl is attractive and susceptible to that sort of thing.
Also, I think Hawk has a really pleasant view of life. What uni did you go to where the men are all mild as milk and do no harm? The uni I went to had tons of roided up frat boys who crushed beer cans on their heads and humped everything in sight, including the furniture. They sure as heck would have had a field day with a cute lil intern stuck with them for months on end in the same house. They'd come out their room, go into the girl's room, come back out, take a shower, rummage through the fridge, turn on the tv, pop a few cans of beer, and then play Madden when the other roommates come back, with nobody the wiser. A girl with a bf def shouldn't be living with three other dudes. All kinds of havoc could occur.
|
On March 30 2011 07:12 StorkHwaiting wrote:
IMO, 3 guys, 1 girl, and months together to get up to nasty, nasty will happen! People are animals, and that's just what animals do. Especially if the girl is attractive and susceptible to that sort of thing.
Also, I think Hawk has a really pleasant view of life. What uni did you go to where the men are all mild as milk and do no harm? The uni I went to had tons of roided up frat boys who crushed beer cans on their heads and humped everything in sight, including the furniture. They sure as heck would have had a field day with a cute lil intern stuck with them for months on end in the same house. They'd come out their room, go into the girl's room, come back out, take a shower, rummage through the fridge, turn on the tv, pop a few cans of beer, and then play Madden when the other roommates come back, with nobody the wiser. A girl with a bf def shouldn't be living with three other dudes. All kinds of havoc could occur.
Yeah she's pretty cute and I figure many guys our age would mess with her. I mean in the end it might never turn bad, but I can imagine that 3 guys being "playful" could be annoying and uncomfortable to her.
I don't know why people assume university students are wise and serious when some folks there are real life incarnations of 4chan. I'm personally having a field day here, I'm the least serious person ever. Uni guys + beer can be quite a problem too. Or maybe not but what do I know.
|
Maybe it's just me, but I don't find it that weird. o___o
If she had requested to be living with girls, I'd find it a bit off, but if nothing was asked, then I don't find it that odd.
You're growing up and you're adults. o___o'' I don't see a problem.
|
There's another solution you could opt for.
If you can get in contact with the three guys, then maybe you can have your girlfriend chat with them over the phone or webcam or something. Just talk about stuff like bathroom system, fridge space, smoking/non-smoking, etc. If the three guys seem decent, then it will make you both feel more comfortable about staying there, and if one of them seems a bit off, then you know for sure you don't want to stay there.
|
On March 30 2011 07:31 Raeleigh wrote:
Maybe it's just me, but I don't find it that weird. o___o
If she had requested to be living with girls, I'd find it a bit off, but if nothing was asked, then I don't find it that odd.
You're growing up and you're adults. o___o'' I don't see a problem.
But what if one of those guys is like Hey, cute camera!
|
On March 30 2011 06:38 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 06:17 Djzapz wrote:
And also, stop worrying about my perspective and try to think about it from her perspective if you want to actually understand.
from her perspective, i would say it would be similar to me suffering from some random act of violence, and then determining that everyone that is a part of the particular ethnic group that the person represents is likely to do the same thing to me furthermore, it's at a university. what kind of savages do you (or your girlfriend) think go to a university that she'll be in imminent danger because she's in the presence of males??
Because they have penisiessss you know what they are for!!! Also college women in the 1st to 2nd year are the most common victims of date rape basically something like 20% 1 in 5 are sexually assaulted during those years, which doesn't always mean rape, those numbers or somewhere to 5-13%... that's also in the US i think it's the number from the department of justice not sure how old the figure is.
My GF lived with guys before during her internships in Virgina and NY nothing happened then although one of the guys had a dog and now she wants a puppy.
|
On March 30 2011 07:40 Chairman Ray wrote:
There's another solution you could opt for.
If you can get in contact with the three guys, then maybe you can have your girlfriend chat with them over the phone or webcam or something. Just talk about stuff like bathroom system, fridge space, smoking/non-smoking, etc. If the three guys seem decent, then it will make you both feel more comfortable about staying there, and if one of them seems a bit off, then you know for sure you don't want to stay there.
Good point, I'll run that by her and see what she thinks of it. Danke.
|
I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix 
|
On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix
If that was going to happen, he'd be better off knowing it before wasting the month anyways. Given he's willing to dump a fair chunk of cash into this, I would hope they're more serious than that.
|
On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix
Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years.
|
On March 30 2011 08:18 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years.
I did almost add a caveat to that statement, mind you, but decided it might sound insensitive. In the army, I saw all KINDS of stranger things happen, age/life experience are REALLY relevant.
Although not your own impression of experience for either of you, unfortunately, which makes it kind of impossible to judge. No offense, but that can be almost impossible to self-diagnose, aside from true-false statements about things that have happened.
Your response decided me that throwing this in wouldn't offend you. You seem fairly rational and calm, which does give you (in my book) about a 15% better chance of judging the likelihood of her doing something like that.
|
On March 30 2011 07:41 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 07:31 Raeleigh wrote:
Maybe it's just me, but I don't find it that weird. o___o
If she had requested to be living with girls, I'd find it a bit off, but if nothing was asked, then I don't find it that odd.
You're growing up and you're adults. o___o'' I don't see a problem. But what if one of those guys is like Hey, cute camera!
I don't understand what you're saying. >_>'' Sorry.
|
On March 30 2011 08:25 JingleHell wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 08:18 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years. I did almost add a caveat to that statement, mind you, but decided it might sound insensitive. In the army, I saw all KINDS of stranger things happen, age/life experience are REALLY relevant. Although not your own impression of experience for either of you, unfortunately, which makes it kind of impossible to judge. No offense, but that can be almost impossible to self-diagnose, aside from true-false statements about things that have happened. Your response decided me that throwing this in wouldn't offend you. You seem fairly rational and calm, which does give you (in my book) about a 15% better chance of judging the likelihood of her doing something like that.
People can always surprise you, especially when it comes to things like relationships. It don't matter how smart, rational, or calm the guy is. Sometimes you just never know. Not trying to sound morbid or overly paranoid here, but like you said, all kinds of things happen in life. Some of them not nice
|
On March 30 2011 08:18 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years.
So what are you scared about then? Why'd you make the thread?
|
On March 30 2011 08:47 StorkHwaiting wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 08:25 JingleHell wrote:On March 30 2011 08:18 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years. I did almost add a caveat to that statement, mind you, but decided it might sound insensitive. In the army, I saw all KINDS of stranger things happen, age/life experience are REALLY relevant. Although not your own impression of experience for either of you, unfortunately, which makes it kind of impossible to judge. No offense, but that can be almost impossible to self-diagnose, aside from true-false statements about things that have happened. Your response decided me that throwing this in wouldn't offend you. You seem fairly rational and calm, which does give you (in my book) about a 15% better chance of judging the likelihood of her doing something like that. People can always surprise you, especially when it comes to things like relationships. It don't matter how smart, rational, or calm the guy is. Sometimes you just never know. Not trying to sound morbid or overly paranoid here, but like you said, all kinds of things happen in life. Some of them not nice
Hehe, I trust her but I'm just human, as is she.
On March 30 2011 08:57 a176 wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 08:18 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 08:11 StorkHwaiting wrote:I dno. If she sees one of the guys and thinks he's really cute and then becomes really eager to move in, you could have a whole nother kind of problem on your hands. One that calling the school will never fix Yeah if that was going to happen, it could just as well happen locally. It's really not what worries me, and like the guy above me said, we're more serious than that. Been together for 5 years. So what are you scared about then? Why'd you make the thread?
Like I said, this is not so much about me. Many people seem to back me up when I say it's weird for an institution from my country to put a girl in an apartment with 3 guys. It's unlike anything I've seen around here.
It also made her uneasy and nervous, and by extension that bothered me. I figured I'd make a thread to see what people think of it - to find out that there are people on both side although none of the people that I've personally told about it disagree with my opinion.
|
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that.
|
On March 30 2011 10:38 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that.
Good point!
Try to imagine being her too (don't pretend you've never done that). Scary world in the body of a weak little thing.
|
Ever heard of co-ed living? It's basically the same thing and people manage somehow.
|
On March 30 2011 08:39 Raeleigh wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 07:41 Chairman Ray wrote:On March 30 2011 07:31 Raeleigh wrote:
Maybe it's just me, but I don't find it that weird. o___o
If she had requested to be living with girls, I'd find it a bit off, but if nothing was asked, then I don't find it that odd.
You're growing up and you're adults. o___o'' I don't see a problem. But what if one of those guys is like Hey, cute camera! I don't understand what you're saying. >_>'' Sorry.
Referencing your blog post about how you met your BF I believe 
TL REMEMBERS EVERYTHING
|
On March 30 2011 12:13 meaculpa wrote:
Ever heard of co-ed living? It's basically the same thing and people manage somehow.
Yes. And they make that choice and meet the people beforehand. I still think that it's questionable that the school didn't do it differently.
|
the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
On March 30 2011 12:41 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 12:13 meaculpa wrote:
Ever heard of co-ed living? It's basically the same thing and people manage somehow. Yes. And they make that choice and meet the people beforehand. I still think that it's questionable that the school didn't do it differently.
Over here that's not the case, I know at least one female student living in an apartment with four guys and no other girls. I only know because I often have tea at her place and everyone is perfectly lovely.
I may know other women in the same situation, but nobody has brought it up because it really isn't that big a deal.
Also, this:
On March 30 2011 10:40 Djzapz wrote:
Try to imagine being her too (don't pretend you've never done that). Scary world in the body of a weak little thing.
Is massively sexist.
|
On March 30 2011 23:38 SirJolt wrote:Also, this: Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 10:40 Djzapz wrote:
Try to imagine being her too (don't pretend you've never done that). Scary world in the body of a weak little thing. Is massively sexist.
It is not sexist to observe that statistically, the fairer sex is aptly named - being smaller, shorter, weaker. Even less so to say it about an individual.
|
File a compliant or call the school and question their decision. I dont think they would do that purposely, probably a mistake.
On March 30 2011 12:13 meaculpa wrote:
Ever heard of co-ed living? It's basically the same thing and people manage somehow.
I have a friend that goes to Waterloo - hes in the Co-ed building and females and males dont share the same room but they are on the same floor.
|
On March 30 2011 10:40 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 10:38 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that. Good point! Try to imagine being her too (don't pretend you've never done that). Scary world in the body of a weak little thing.
Omg this sentence is ridiculous it makes me want to gag. If somebody said that to my face I might just attempt to whack some sense into them. A 20 year old female isn't some vulnerable weak little thing thrown out into the a terrifying world where all men are predators and there's no safety except for the arms of her strong, rock of a boyfriend. I'm not saying that's what you think, but saying something like that very well implies that.
With regard to the living situation, I don't think it's a big deal because it's only for a month. And if these other students are part of the same program, then there's really nothing to be worried about. If however they were random men the university picked up off the streets to house with her then there'd be cause for concern. Sure, it's not the most comfortable of situations, but if they're also from neighboring schools participating in the same program as her, then exercising some common sense with regard to safety and being aware that it's not the safest of situations (but that the level of danger is low) and acting accordingly, it shouldn't be a problem imo.
|
On March 30 2011 10:38 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that.
ah yes, because if she's with all girls in her suite in a giant college, there's absolutely zero chance that any of her male neighbors in a co-ed building wont headbutt the door down in a fit of drunken fratbro range, punch her in the face and caveman her back to her room for a nice talk over some roofie coladas.
|
Dunno why you're getting so much hate. If she's uncomfortable I'd wanna do something as well. You guys realize that *most* universities divide on-campus living between males and females right?
|
On March 31 2011 01:12 Bereft wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 10:40 Djzapz wrote:On March 30 2011 10:38 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that. Good point! Try to imagine being her too (don't pretend you've never done that). Scary world in the body of a weak little thing. Omg this sentence is ridiculous it makes me want to gag. If somebody said that to my face I might just attempt to whack some sense into them. A 20 year old female isn't some vulnerable weak little thing thrown out into the a terrifying world where all men are predators and there's no safety except for the arms of her strong, rock of a boyfriend. I'm not saying that's what you think, but saying something like that very well implies that.
I'm sorry you got that impression, it's not what I meant. She's constantly surrounded by people which isn't a problem - the issue is that she would have had to sleep in a room which can be opened easily. Me being there doesn't make a difference - the fact that here she's behind locked doors here gives her a sense of security, and intimacy too. It's her place.
Some seem to think that the "weak little thing" part was out of line but I was just describing her, and really, she kind of is a weak little thing. She knows that and it's a concern of hers. I mean some might call it sexist but it's true, as that she might have "something someone else might want" and she doesn't feel like she can defend herself. I mean, it's basic society stuff. There are bad people of varying degree in universities.
Blame me all you want, I'm not the one beating up women. I think it's reasonable to be pessimistic about human nature that being fully exposed to 3 strangers would cause a discomfort to someone who's experienced bad stuff first hand.
With regard to the living situation, I don't think it's a big deal because it's only for a month. And if these other students are part of the same program, then there's really nothing to be worried about. If however they were random men the university picked up off the streets to house with her then there'd be cause for concern. Sure, it's not the most comfortable of situations, but if they're also from neighboring schools participating in the same program as her, then exercising some common sense with regard to safety and being aware that it's not the safest of situations (but that the level of danger is low) and acting accordingly, it shouldn't be a problem imo.
They're people from other schools and different programs.
On March 31 2011 01:39 lac29 wrote:
Dunno why you're getting so much hate. If she's uncomfortable I'd wanna do something as well. You guys realize that *most* universities divide on-campus living between males and females right?
People have the mentality that since other people do it, then it should be fine for everyone. They'll bring up anecdotal evidence that it can work and just figure it works for everyone, never taking into account the way she feels about it, and bringing up gender equality, as if equality meant we're the same - which we aren't.
In the end I'm just defending HER position, for the most part, and people disagree with what SHE thinks is best for her.
|
On March 31 2011 01:44 Djzapz wrote:
I'm sorry you got that impression, it's not what I meant. She's constantly surrounded by people which isn't a problem - the issue is that she would have had to sleep in a room which can be opened easily.
Son of a bitch!!! 25 years and I've never known my dick can double as a lock pick.
I suppose a woman would be too busy in the kitchen to master this skill??
What's gonna happen if she transfers and gets female roomies who have guy friends over all the time???
User was temp banned for this post.
|
On March 31 2011 01:49 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 31 2011 01:44 Djzapz wrote:
I'm sorry you got that impression, it's not what I meant. She's constantly surrounded by people which isn't a problem - the issue is that she would have had to sleep in a room which can be opened easily.
Son of a bitch!!! 25 years and I've never known my dick can double as a lock pick. I suppose a woman would be too busy in the kitchen to master this skill?? What's gonna happen if she transfers and gets female roomies who have guy friends over all the time???
Maybe you should go tell her that she shouldn't be somewhat worried about sharing an apartment with 3 guys. What are you going to tell her? Get over it girl, if your door is locked you're immune to harm even if they're right outside. By the way if you have to take at leak in the middle of the night, Godspeed.
25 years and you didn't even bother to consider that it doesn't matter what you think anyway, as if she's not happy with it, she's just not happy with it? I mean come on, what's your argument.
The idea is that she's uncomfortable and kind of worried, which you can't argue against - you can say it's somewhat irrational but I can say that there are statistics showing that something bad could happen, and so if she's worried about a 0.5% (made up figure) chance of anything happening, she's entitled to be bothered by it.
As for the female roomies who have guy friends over, that'd be better for her anyway. If it was 2 guys and 2 girls, she would be more comfortable with it. Don't ask me why, but I suspect it's because if the guys bother them, it's easier for 2 people to handle it. Something like that. I mean to me, it just makes sense so I don't understand why you don't see that.
And I'm not talking about worst case scenario here. It's not like it's "she's going to get raped or nothing"... There's all kinds of stuff that could make her stay there unenjoyable. And being 2 girls and 2 guys doesn't necessarily mean it would be better - but she would be more comfortable with it. So again, how can you argue that? Is she just WRONG?
|
On March 31 2011 01:49 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 31 2011 01:44 Djzapz wrote:
I'm sorry you got that impression, it's not what I meant. She's constantly surrounded by people which isn't a problem - the issue is that she would have had to sleep in a room which can be opened easily.
Son of a bitch!!! 25 years and I've never known my dick can double as a lock pick. I suppose a woman would be too busy in the kitchen to master this skill?? What's gonna happen if she transfers and gets female roomies who have guy friends over all the time???
I think you're being a bit unfair here. He's not talking about a safety concern, he's talking about an irrational discomfort. When you look at college dorms, you have dorms that are completely female or completely male. In co-ed dorms, you have some floors that are female only or male only. In co-ed floors, they try to divide it so that there's an even ratio between males and females. All this goes to show that a lot of people are naturally uncomfortable living with the opposite sex. There's nothing physically wrong with living with the opposite sex, but you can't deny that an irrational discomfort does not exist. It's perfectly reasonable to not want to face a situation that you are not comfortable with, even if there's nothing wrong with it. For example, I don't like heights, so I don't look down from tall buildings, even though I'm shielded by a glass window. I know I'm not going to fall through the window, but it still doesn't mean I shouldn't be uncomfortable with it. I'm sure is she had to live with those three guys, she would do just fine, but she does have a choice where she wants to live, so between living somewhere uncomfortable and somewhere that feels more safe, it's reasonable to choose the latter. Gender preferences in dorm arrangements has always been something that schools have accommodated in the past, nobody was ever forced into a co-ed dorm, so it's perfectly reasonable that they should accommodate her in this situation.
|
On March 31 2011 01:33 Hawk wrote:Show nested quote +On March 30 2011 10:38 StorkHwaiting wrote:
Dj another way you could explain the situation to some of these TLers is to ask them to imagine their daughter going away to college, and her accommodations involve living in a 4-room apartment with 3 men. Ask them if as fathers they would have any problem with that. ah yes, because if she's with all girls in her suite in a giant college, there's absolutely zero chance that any of her male neighbors in a co-ed building wont headbutt the door down in a fit of drunken fratbro range, punch her in the face and caveman her back to her room for a nice talk over some roofie coladas.
Someone obviously hasn't watched Divine Secrets of The Ya-Ya Sisterhood enough times.
|
Well anyway, if anybody's still interested in this little story, she made a complaint and the school said it was a mistake of some kind, although the internships lady handles individual cases so I'm not sure what that's all about. They'll be paying for a part of her rent because they don't have any other rooms to offer.
It's reasonable but yeah, the main situation is still puzzling.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT![[image loading]](http://img222.imageshack.us/i/pronoia.png/)
