Alright, let me preface this by saying that for those of you who read my last blog, I was engaged. Well, as it turns out not so much anymore. I've returned to singleness. Since currently I'm not in college and I hate bars/clubs (not a drinker), I don't have a lot of opportunity to meet girls. I mean, hypothetically I could meet them at work, except I'm wearing my walmart suit. Ha. Anyways, in this blog I'm going to discuss what I've researched about online dating, and then ask you guys at teamliquid to tell me if I'm doing something wrong.
Anyways, since then I've tried the online dating thing, and actually done a lot of reading and research on how to make a good profile. I'd like to hear what you guys think of this advice, because honestly, I think a lot of it is bullshit. Some of it is good, sure, but after reading one girls blog about her own online dating adventure, I quickly realized that a lot of these "tips" are so widespread that girls recognize them from a mile away. I'll start with the bad ones.
The BAD
1) The neg. Pick something out about a girl in her profile and make fun of her playfully. Use smiley faces so you know you're just fooling around.
Ugh. This was some of the worst advice ever. It certainly got me responses from girls, but mostly hostile ones. The internet is not the easiest place to convey that you're joking, and smiley faces aren't obvious enough, apparently. Even worse than if she takes it as hostility, is when she realizes what you're doing. So many guys have read e-books out there about negging, that chances are, that hot chick you just messaged is like, "oh great, another guy who thinks he's a player. closed." I'd imagine the neg is a lot more effective in real life where you can come off as more genuine. Seriously, I tease my female friends all the time. It's good fun. But I've found this particular tool a little too difficult to use online.
2) Post a pic of yourself with a girl. Well, this advice should have girl in the plural. Apparently, having a picture of yourself with a single girl automatically says "this is me and my ex-girlfriend". Not so great.
3) DHV. Also known as devaluing her value. Basically, when you send a message to a girl online and say, "Hi, you seem like you might be really cool. Message me back if you think you could be cool enough to hang out with me." Again, this might have worked 5 years ago, but this pickup routine has been used so much that most girls have heard it before. It doesn't work anymore.
The good.
1) Post pictures of yourself with a guitar. For some reason, it's like magic. Chicks dig guitars. I've noticed a great increase in people looking at my profile since I did this.
2) Kennigit's awesome advice. "If you can't bother to read, see ya." That was amazing.
3) I think this is good advice, but I'm not really sure. Disqualifiers. Lots of disqualifiers. Basically saying, don't message me if you do x. The thing is, you aren't losing anything if your disqualifiers are actually accurate. If you wouldn't date a smoker, saying that you wouldn't date one automatically excludes females you don't want to date, but also portrays that you are selective about who you talk to and not desperate.
All that being said, I haven't had a lot of success with online dating. I occasionally talk to people, but usually girls who I find really attractive don't reply. Perhaps my messaging formula sucks. So I was wondering what teamliquid thinks.
When I message a girl, I typically try to stick to several rules. First, I'll send a subject that looks interesting. "I have an intuition about you." "You have fantastic taste in...." "Why do you like xyz?" The intuition thing because people are always interested in what insights you have about them, so they'd want to know what you think. The second one seems good because you're starting a statement, but they have to open the message to find out what it says. And the final one is good because most people have an innate desire to answer a question when someone asks them something.
My second rule is that I pick something out in their profile that we have in common, and then ask them a question about it. Like if the person is a particular fan of Joss Whedon, I'll ask them who their favorite character is. Perhaps this is not the way to go, but I've read everywhere I go that it's important to show them that you've read your profile.
The final rule is of course that I'll always ask them a question, so they can follow up and reply. My questions are usually superficial, though, like their favorite character or something like that. I wonder if I could come up with something better.
I know just what to put here, I'm fucking fantastic at filling out self summaries, and I'm the complete opposite of laid back and down to Earth.
I have a sarcastic and sometimes dark sense of humor. So dark that I think many horror movies are funny. I'm cynical, but I try to be optimistic. I love movies, especially ones that involve thinking. I've taken film classes before and enjoyed them.
I read a lot, play video games, and appreciate the beauty of nature. An interesting novel or even a random forum debate is enjoyable time spent. Watching sports, not so much. I'm calm in a crisis, maybe a little too calm considering the world is about to end. What I’m doing with my life I'm a college student who is working on the side. I'm majoring in English and Philosophy, with the goal being Law or Psychology. I’m really good at Problem solving! The first things people usually notice about me I’m an empty essay... fill me out! Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food Books: Mystery, philosophical. Like Mysteries of Udolpho, Flatland, Memoirs of a Geisha.
Movies: Horror, intelligent comedy, the occasional romantic film as long as it's not formulaic. Examples: Wristcutters, Pan's Labyrinth, Pulp Fiction, Stay.
TV: Anything from Joss Whedon or Show Time. Scrubs, Lie to Me, House.
Music: Techno, Rock, as long as it isn't rap or country, we're good. Paramore, Flyleaf, Ronald Jenkees are some of my favorites. The six things I could never do without A lot of times you can just skip to this section to get a good measure of how interesting someone is. Just scroll down past the wall of text and check to see if the person lists food, water, and shelter. Wow, you know how to not die. That's hot! Since I prefer my women not dead, would you like to go get some coffee?
So here's my list: A pen, steak, semicolons, a car, Anyanka, google I spend a lot of time thinking about Personality test questions that are funny. Do people find you frustrating to talk to? Hang on a second, Dave, how's talking behind my back going? Are you defensive? Absolutely not!
Wondering why it's so difficult for people to use a blinker when driving. On a typical Friday night I am I’m an empty essay... fill me out! The most private thing I’m willing to admit My cat frequently tries to press the power button on my computer. She may be evil. I’m looking for
Girls who like guys Ages 18-26 Near me For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if There are two types of people who use online dating sites: people who are probably serial killers and people who are definitely serial killers. Message me if you're the former.
you are thinking too much about your profile and not really about yourself. Hit the gym, go to some place with a lot of chicks and get numbers. Profiles don't really matter that much getting more chicks talking in your profile is more effective. I really don´t use my profile that much for picking up chicks but I have a friend that does and its all about that. Its about selling yourself as a great pick and being that wow he has all the girls attention kind of guy. If you are a loser in real life then no profile will really help.
TLDR? Honestly I did read most of it except your profile cause thats hellaciously fucking long. Online dating doesn't mean you'll get chicks faster, it just means you have a wider scope of people that you normally wouldn't interact with. Just play it cool and you may get lucky and meet someone ^^.
I would rather spend some time in the gym, and go clubbing with a couple people you know... Seriously, drink a few shots and just go have fun. Girls come naturally.
Your profile scared me off... and im not even a girl.
Man, you say yourself that humour and sarcasm is hard to pull off online even with emoicons yet your whole profile is littered with sarcastic wit. Sure, some people might clock and find it funny but those people are not on dating sites...
I felt you came off as condesending and as if you think your above alot of people in your profile.
I enjoy having fun. Wow, I bet you've never heard that before. I wonder why people put things like that in their profiles. You can't have fun and not enjoy it. Do you enjoy breathing, too? I just can't get through my day without breathing. It's so amazing.
That part had me cringing, i get what you was trying to do but you have to remember who your target audience is
Anyways, back to me: I like trying new things, experiencing different situations, and getting to know people. My job allows me to meet a variety of interesting people every day. I value honesty, because being deceptive often shows a lack of integrity. I can keep a secret, but I will let you know my opinion. I am outspoken on things that matter to me.
You talk about honesty but the way you mention your job makes it seem like your some highroller. If your not ashamed to work at wallmart, state that you do in your profile. That way you weed out the snobby girls and then the girls that do contact you wont care that you work at walmart. You dont want to find a "perfect" girl and then that ruins it for you. (If it sounds like im being harsh taht you work there, tbh im from England and working in a walmart equivalent is nothing bad but reading how usa posters react on forums... i assume over there theres some kinda stigma attached to it.
Movies: Horror movies, serial killer movies, cerebral mind bending psychological or dramatic.
Horror movies? Fine Serial killer movies? err.... Cerebral mind bending psychological movies? Are you going to fuck with my mind then kill me? Bad choice of genres man.
how about:
Movies: Horror, intelligent comedy, the occasional romantic film as long as its not too cheesy Might not be true but like I said, i highly doubt youll find a girl whos into slashers and mindfuck films
Here's the things I can't live without: Computer with an internet connnection. Bottled water for my amazing health. My music which gives me the motivation to do things in life. Good friends that can make you smile!
That about sums me up. Only need four things to survive! I'm so much better than everyone else.
The first thing on your list has got to go. Your shooting down so many potential girls with just that line. Being taht dependant on technology (albeit most of us TLers are) aint something you want to tell potential gfs, atleast not before meeting them
As for the last line, i can easily see the sarcasm... but many people will not because its hard to judge by your profiles wording whether your light hearted or take things semi/seriously.
On a more serious note, how to tell when people are lying, and the nature of the world. And wondering why it's so difficult for people to use a blinker when they're changing lanes.
That line just confused me... first you start off all Socrates on us then you turn into a DMV (yes i had to look up the US equiv of DVLA ) worker. It seems random... and kinda stupid. Either reword it so its all "clever" or all stupid or remove it... atm its not helping
1) You live with your parents. 2)You're extremely religious. Emphasis on extremely. We won't get along. Unless you somehow by some miracle manage to convert me and save me from the depths of hell, which is oh so likely. 3) You actually wrote I don't know what to write in this section. Ugh. Why didn't you just leave it blank, then, genius? 4) You think movies in general are boring. 5) You are insane. I know, it probably shouldn't have to be said.
1. Fair enough 2. Your bashing religion abit too much there man, your scaring off anyoen who is even remotely religous cos they will be thinking... ahh this atheist is above me... i shall go somewere else. Chill outt, and the sarcasm kinda makes u sound like a dick 3. Maybe some girls dont want to write on their profile so they dont get messages. that way they choose without gettng bothered, ever think of it like that? 4. meh 5. Im not sure what to think og that :/
Think of them as guidelines... or message me if you dare.
Something about the first part that does not bode with me at all... its like your ordering them and not in a playful manner that you show in the second part. id say reword that so it appears softer like...
Thats just a rough idea of what Im looking for... but i am open minded... message me if you dare
thats all from me atm man... so tired XD i hope u dont think i came off as a dick but thats just how i saw your profile
Nah, Lyzon, that's exactly the sort of criticism I was looking for. Maybe I overdid it with the wit and sarcasm, but well, I've always heard it's better to SHOW someone that you're witty and sarcastic then to say it. You make a lot of good points, though. I think I do come off as too much of a dick at some points.
Kyser, I already stole material from day9. I watched that a while ago, hehe.
Those two articles are soooo awesome. I actually don't consider online dating a good idea but the fact of my own situation, having a girlfriend whom I originally met on OKcupid, kinda shuts me up.
Those two articles are soooo awesome. I actually don't consider online dating a good idea but the fact of my own situation, having a girlfriend whom I originally met on OKcupid, kinda shuts me up.
The first blog wasn't that surprising. The second one was a shocker, though. I'm sitting here thinking "wtf?" It contradicts every single thing that I've read.
Don't smile, show off your abs (if you've got them), and apparently it doesn't even matter if your face in the picture. I'm so confused.
It'll never be an exact science, obviously. I did some goofy stuff in my own profile like include a youtube video of a dog befuddled at the sight of a cat on a computer screen in a youtube video while the same cat hangs out behind him IRL, I looked at the camera, I played to my strengths in being a huuuuuge nerd/dork, and I still got messaged back more than half the time despite not being a particularly attractive dude. IMO the key to my success was just being really nice and really smart(Ego, gosh!) and generally just being myself. If you come off as mean or desperate or anything like that of course you won't get messaged back, as much as following "the rules" might help.
Your profile is overthought and it's obvious. Lines like: "I'm good at writing in complete sentences, thinking logically, and noticing irony. Here's some irony:
The majority of attractive females on this site are looking for someone that is intelligent, yet as far as I can tell, the majority of people on the internet are about as intelligent as my toaster."
Wow that's bad, and is that really irony? Really?! You're just demonstrating a lack of wit imho.
TLDR: Tone your profile WAY DOWN. You sound like a chick... and it's not the least bit flattering. -Ever notice how sometimes saying less can be saying more? >_> <_<
On March 21 2011 13:27 ChoboCop wrote: Your profile is overthought and it's obvious. Lines like: "I'm good at writing in complete sentences, thinking logically, and noticing irony. Here's some irony:
The majority of attractive females on this site are looking for someone that is intelligent, yet as far as I can tell, the majority of people on the internet are about as intelligent as my toaster."
Wow that's bad, and is that really irony? Really?! You're just demonstrating a lack of wit imho.
TLDR: Tone your profile WAY DOWN. You sound like a chick... and it's not the least bit flattering. -Ever notice how sometimes saying less can be saying more? >_> <_<
Yea, I get it. Already toned it down quite a bit. It actually is irony, though. You wouldn't expect the majority of attractive females to be looking for someone intelligent, since most of them are stupid due to the nature of the internet. Basically it's me trying to make fun of how generic the female profile is, always looking for an intelligent guy. But admittedly, I failed.
Teamliquid is harsh, heh. I've had other friends tell me they laughed when they read my profile. But I guess to the average person I didn't come off the right way.
I dont know what to say, but you are completely occupied with thinking about your profile and online dating. Get outside ! Meet people ! Have fun !
If u try to find a girl desperately, things can get much worse as they actually are - in the end u might hate yourself, because u didnt succeed ( i mean at finding a girl ).
Dont force yourself and your luck - keep yourself occupied with your life and likes. I think the rest is pure Kharma :D
On March 21 2011 13:49 insta wrote: I dont know what to say, but you are completely occupied with thinking about your profile and online dating. Get outside ! Meet people ! Have fun !
If u try to find a girl desperately, things can get much worse as they actually are - in the end u might hate yourself, because u didnt succeed ( i mean at finding a girl ).
Dont force yourself and your luck - keep yourself occupied with your life and likes. I think the rest is pure Kharma :D
gl bra =)
I don't think it's desperate to try and make online dating work. Anyways, it's not as if I'll never go out and meet people. I just prefer to do it on the college scene instead of in my hometown. Which I'll be returning to in a few months. In the meantime, I figured I'd give online dating a try. And hey, if teamliquid can help get my profile up to an attractive level, all the better for me. If not, there's always Starcraft.
My impression is that by overdescribing yourself, you make yourself sound awfully feminine, more like a myspace chick than a serious candidate for a date.
Perhaps something more straightforward and reassuring?
On March 21 2011 14:30 MoltkeWarding wrote: My impression is that by overdescribing yourself, you make yourself sound awfully feminine, more like a myspace chick than a serious candidate for a date.
Perhaps something more straightforward and reassuring?
Thanks for the advice, MoltkeWarding. I'm working on shortening my profile quite a bit now. My problem I guess is that I looked at female profiles to see what sorts of things they said, and I sort of based my profile on that template. I know it sounds dumb, obviously if I was going to base it on anyone's I should've used a guys, but it's sort of impossible to know which ones are good since I don't have a feminine perspective.
On March 21 2011 14:40 shinosai wrote: it's sort of impossible to know which ones are good since I don't have a feminine perspective.
use your imagination dude if i'm a girl i'm going to be like: okay unnecessarily aggressive first sentence, dorky sense of humor in 2nd paragraph.. whats this thing about going out with people that aren't dead o.O rest of it seems OK though
You're trying too hard. Just try typing how you would speak in real life. This way you aren't turning off people who can instantly see that you have meticulously spent loads of time on your profile. Also, it will give them a better sense of who you are as a person, which will hopefully result in more concrete connections
I particularly liked the part where you specifically say you won't talk to anyone who lives at home, and then you mention how you're studying Philosophy/English and want to continue on to study law or psychology. I wonder if you'll be singing a different tune when your lib arts degree doesnt get you a job and then you take on $120k in debt to go to a crappy law school and be in the same situation again + hopless debt
EPT
Serial killer movies? err.... Cerebral mind bending psychological movies? Are you going to fuck with my mind then kill me? Bad choice of genres man.
