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Before I start the bulk of this post I would like to reiterate the fact that this is serious, it is a personal issue, I would appreciate it if you were serious and stayed away from posting some one line answer which is straight trash. Your answer will be ignored and Ill add you to my hit list. 
So lets get started with some background information about myself and maybe a little about my life. I am a student at East Carolina University, I turn 21 this year. I am in probably the best shape of my life. I have been single for the past.. eh 6 months getting out of a 2 year relationship. I guess you could say I was pretty much in love, I was head over heels, but it is a funny thing you learn about people after a while. The love of my life wound up cheating on me, and I would say I am pretty over her.
To give you a synopsis of this relationship yes we did have sex on a constant basis, everything always went well, we did not go to the same school, but she went to a college right next to mine.
Now lets move on from that onto more recent events. So, I sign this girls name on an attendance sheet because she sat with me and 2 other friends and I thought it would be a nice gesture. Well things lead to one another and it turns into something amazing. I found myself having awesome conversations with this girl through facebook and in class. We eventually hang out a few times.. watch a couple movies, stay up and just talk, cuddle a little bit and everything was going spectacular. I practically had the best week in a VERY long time just last week.
But with everything going great there has to be something that is wrong... I was kind of right, but I want people opinions on what they would do in my situation. My mind is made up, your goal is not to convince me, your goal should be to inform me, provide input for others that may arise in this situation.
While me and the girl were asking questions to each other it eventually came up that she wears a purity ring. (From the small conversation we had it was because her grandma wanted her too and so shes wearing it for now) for those of you who do not know what that is, it is a ring that a girl wears when she is waiting for marriage to have sex. I admit, this caught me by a huge blind side.. I have never been in the situation.. but I told her (and truly believe everything I said) that I respect that and that it is awesome that she believes in something for whatever her cause.
So, tons of things have gone through my head recently, for instance how much does she limit.. is she "everything but" or really strict on any intimacy. I will say right now, I am in NO WAY some sex-aholic, but I do think intimacy is a huge part of any relationship and that it is needed. Some of the other questions were like, does she think I will take advantage over her if she would stay over or something. And because I have already had sex does that make me "unpure" or something? Will she even like me.. I have not straight up told her.. but a 2 year relationship probably speaks for itself...
So where I am at now, I could care less what people think. I have an amazing time with this girl, and she's not the average girl, and shes def not some random slut that usually tries to get with me. She is an art major, intelligent, kind and cares, these things alone make her so much better then just the average boring girl that is comparable to a rock. I really want to make this happen and work. I know I am not locked in for life or something, and if it doesnt work out.. well it doesnt work out. But I dont want to miss out on this exciting new chapter in my life because I was scared away by someones views. I have talked to very few people about this and have kept it pretty down low because I wanted to make sure I made up my mind before I asked others what they would do if they were in my position, so I leave you with this.
Say you were in my position, the girl you were hitting it off with you come to find out is waiting until marriage. Is that a red flag for you? I want to hear your opinions! Maybe you have stories of your own. This doesnt have to be about my situation particularly but just the idea in general. So please post, share your thoughts. I promise to keep you all updated. Feel free to ask me any questions, I will be as open as I can! I think I am making the right choice.
The girl is worth it.
P.S. I know inControl and Anna are in a similar situation.. maybe they will see this and comment.. I would appreciate (=
 
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It really depends how much she's willing to do. If it's "anything but", no problem. Don't a lot of evangelical kids have rampant butt-sex because it keeps their purity intact?
By the way, that's actually semi-serious. Physical intimacy is something that is an essential part of a life-long commitment, and deferring testing whether you have physical chemistry is risky. Marriage isn't just about having kids and dinner conversation, sex plays a huge part in it.
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On February 25 2011 00:15 bonifaceviii wrote:
It really depends how much she's willing to do. If it's "anything but", no problem.
Don't a lot of evangelical kids have rampant butt-sex because it keeps their purity intact?
Honestly have no IDEA... She isnt the most religious person in the world.. I don't even think she goes to church.. I think it was more of a thing to keep her close to her grandma and her beliefs when she died.. I feel like if they are really religious it would probably mean they would not do anything.
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On February 25 2011 00:10 Noxie wrote:
But I dont want to miss out on this exciting new chapter in my life because I was scared away by someones views.
I think this sentence says it all. Its pretty much how I feel as well. She may have some very personal reasons for her purity ring. It seems almost unfair to judge her by it, and therefore miss out on an opportunity to spend some time with her.
However, I also agree that intimacy is very important. Being physical, cuddling, even kissing and such creates a deeper bond between two people, more so than one does with a friend.
And finally, if she ever uses the purity ring in a "holier-than-thou" way, thats a major problem to me. As you mentioned in your post, if she ever thinks of you as "unpure" it will create a major divide in the relationship.
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On February 25 2011 00:17 cody1024d wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 00:10 Noxie wrote:
But I dont want to miss out on this exciting new chapter in my life because I was scared away by someones views. I think this sentence says it all. Its pretty much how I feel as well. She may have some very personal reasons for her purity ring. It seems almost unfair to judge her by it, and therefore miss out on an opportunity to spend some time with her. However, I also agree that intimacy is very important. Being physical, cuddling, even kissing and such creates a deeper bond between two people, more so than one does with a friend. And finally, if she ever uses the purity ring in a "holier-than-thou" way, thats a major problem to me. As you mentioned in your post, if she ever thinks of you as "unpure" it will create a major divide in the relationship.
Thats exactly where I am at, and kind of what other people pointed out. I am not locked in for life by this. I think I was looking way to into it. But that is kind of why I like to see other peoples thoughts (=
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I've no idea how the culture is like where you live/study, over here its pretty normal to abstain till marriage thanks to our conservative society, although increasingly the younger generation is breaking away from that "boring" image.
Personally I wouldn't mind, after all intimacy doesn't require intercourse imho. Then again I've been single all my life =/
Wouldn't your choice depend greatly on how far this girl is willing to go in terms of intimacy?
edit: ooh new update re: late grandma. Her purity ring seems to be an attachment to her granny so I'd say respecting that is paramount in any relationship with her i.e. even as a friend if you were to diss her ring it would be like being disrespectful to her grandma - depending on how she treats her elders this may be pret-ty significant
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On February 25 2011 00:29 JFKWT wrote:
I've no idea how the culture is like where you live/study, over here its pretty normal to abstain till marriage thanks to our conservative society, although increasingly the younger generation is breaking away from that "boring" image.
Personally I wouldn't mind, after all intimacy doesn't require intercourse imho. Then again I've been single all my life =/
Wouldn't your choice depend greatly on how far this girl is willing to go in terms of intimacy?
Yes, and in America, I would say this mindset is in a minority.. at least at specifically in a college atmosphere. But, I feel like I shouldn't make some yes or no choice, but instead ride the relationship out and hopefully it works out. As long as I am okay with whats going on in the relationship and she feels the same, then who cares what others think. I don't want to say it would make a difference.. but I think in the back of my head it may. All I know right now regardless of anything, is that I want to get to know her more, and work into a relationship. I feel like that is something I would bring up as we get closer and closer to being an official couple.
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moktira
Ireland1542 Posts
While I have not been in that situation myself, I think if you're totally crazy about someone it won't really bother you, because it's her you'll respect it as her decision if you really feel that strongly about her I would find. At the same time you are only 20, I know I have changed an awful lot since I was 20 and I do not think any relationships I was in around that age could ever have lasted long. But having said that I've never felt that strongly about any girl I knew back then.
Judging by what you wrote and the way you wrote I think you've already made up your mind on this situation though and if there's one thing I've learned about this stuff recently, it's that you probably shouldn't analyse it too much, just play it by ear and see how it develops.
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You are right in the fact that the minority of Americans pick abstinence and wait till marriage. However, you shouldn't buckle under any peer pressure.
Short and simple, if this girl is worth it, then wait!
I'm currently in a 2 year relationship with the girl I know I want to spend the rest of my life with. Although we've already had sex, and do on a regular basis, if she wanted to stop and wait for whatever reason, I would do so. It's all about how devoted you are and how far you are willing to go for a girl.
Either way, if you haven't discussed with her yet, you should when an oppurtunity arises. Communication is really important and this is not one of those small topics you can just brush off. Learn everything you can about her views and what her purity ring means to her. Respect her situation and who knows, it could all work out better than you could have ever imagined!
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Thanks for the input, I intend on bringing it up at some point. I am not sure when that should be but I am trying so hard not for it to get in the way of how things go, and so far it hasn't. Generally speaking I have basically made up my mind, It is just kind of how I need to go about things from here.. but I think playing it by ear is fine. Like I have stated before everything seems worth it to me, and that really is all that should matter.
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You can only run into problems in relationship when you want to change another person.
This comes from someone who has absolutely no relationships of any kind.
If you want to be someone, there is no reason not to. People tend to overthink things.
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On February 25 2011 01:02 HwangjaeTerran wrote:
You can only run into problems in relationship when you want to change another person.
This comes from someone who has absolutely no relationships of any kind.
If you want to be someone, there is no reason not to. People tend to overthink things.
Well as I know it seems that simple.. I feel like I may not trust myself, I dont want to get extremely attached and then have some realization that I can't control my emotions ... It wouldn't be necessary her changing.. but maybe my mindset.. I mean right now everything seems so great, I respect her decision, but what about a year after we've been going out? What about 2 or 3? I don't want to change myself.. and I think that is one of the major things that worried me.. But like I said, I need to worry about that when it happens. Right now we are just talking... but I am guessing we will be together officially in the near future
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It sure sounds like it and I'm happy for you  A great way to recover after a less than happy ending in the previous relationship.
Just make sure you don't overstep any boundaries or act too aggressively if you want to change her mindset. Her views are sacred to her, so you don't want to do anything overly offensive. If you are the right guy though, there's nothing saying that you can't sway her mindset or find a happy equilibrium for both of you.
Play it by ear, take your time and just let things happen naturally. Don't worry too much about the what-ifs and just enjoy her company. The rest follows through. And who knows, you could always fall so head over heels you get married sooner than you think xD. The average age of married couples in America is dropping, so it wouldn't be completely unheard of.
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from my experience and point of view...
the ring is a consecuence of other beliefs, explore those beliefs and see if those are against yours or not, if you can live with them; and in a long term (marriage) if you want those beliefs in your kids (if, if, if).
How strict is she about those beliefs, etc.
My "advice", live the relationship, you can always end it if it turn outs somehow bad, but in the meantime if is everything ok, go on.
also, the op tittle is tricky
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moktira
Ireland1542 Posts
On February 25 2011 01:05 Noxie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 01:02 HwangjaeTerran wrote:
You can only run into problems in relationship when you want to change another person.
This comes from someone who has absolutely no relationships of any kind.
If you want to be someone, there is no reason not to. People tend to overthink things. Well as I know it seems that simple.. I feel like I may not trust myself, I dont want to get extremely attached and then have some realization that I can't control my emotions ... It wouldn't be necessary her changing.. but maybe my mindset.. I mean right now everything seems so great, I respect her decision, but what about a year after we've been going out? What about 2 or 3? I don't want to change myself.. and I think that is one of the major things that worried me.. But like I said, I need to worry about that when it happens. Right now we are just talking... but I am guessing we will be together officially in the near future
A year or two after you're going out is a long while away, especially considering you haven't even started going out. If after a year you feel differently or want to change her or her mindset well then you may realise there are other issues and she's not as right as you first thought, however, if after a year you are still crazy about her well then you won't feel much different to the situation than you feel now, I think if you're still that concerned about it by then and still respect her to the same extent you won't need to worry about controlling you're emotions, if it plays that big a part on your mind I think you'll just control them.
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Congrats on meeting someone wonderful.
In my mind, there are two main reasons people tend to wear purity reasons-- for themselves, or for other people.
If someone is wearing a purity ring because they feel strongly about abstinence before marriage, I really admire that. As you said, in a long relationship, refraining from sex is difficult. Just because they are wearing that ring doesn't mean they don't have the same sexual desires as anyone else. For me, I could disagree with a person on a lot of things, but if I see them living out their convictions, even when it's hard, I have enormous respect for that person. I think it's a sign of integrity and maturity.
Sometimes, people wear a purity ring because of other people. I grew up in a deeply religious home, and my parents required me to wear one. I respect their views, but I do not share them. The ring came to mean something different to me than they intended-- it served as a reminder that I want sex to be reserved for someone I love and trust. I think it's a special thing that shouldn't be thrown around casually. I am not married, and I have had sex with two people-- one whom I was in a relationship with for 3 years, and my best friend, who I have been involved with over the last year.
If her grandmother gave her the ring, it may be that this girl shares her grandmother's convictions and wears it for herself as well as for her grandma. It might also be that she doesn't necessarily share her grandmother's views, but she respects them and wears it out of memory of her grandma. If it is the first case-- good for you, you've found someone who can do the harder thing because they believe it's right. That's someone worth pursuing. If it's the second case, as things get more serious, I don't think you will need to worry about it. Like I said, the ring doesn't take away someone's natural desires to be intimate with the person they care about. If she doesn't deeply believe in staying pure, she will not try that hard to combat her natural feelings.
Don't be afraid of her ring and beliefs. If she is a wonderful person you have a ton of fun with, who makes you happy, who you could very well fall in love with-- she is totally worth getting to know more. A purity ring shouldn't be a deal breaker. If you can love someone you are having sex with, you can love them the same without the sex. Someone you love is worth waiting for if it matters to them.
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On February 25 2011 01:20 Inzek wrote:
from my experience and point of view...
the ring is a consecuence of other beliefs, explore those beliefs and see if those are against yours or not, if you can live with them; and in a long term (marriage) if you want those beliefs in your kids (if, if, if).
How strict is she about those beliefs, etc.
My "advice", live the relationship, you can always end it if it turn outs somehow bad, but in the meantime if is everything ok, go on.
I actually thought a bit about that. Granted that seems SOOOO far in the future its not something for me to worry about. But I feel like its a good decision. It definitely doesnt hurt you .. maybe holds you back at some points. But they seem to genuine and there is a good reason. I am (in no surprise) not the most relgious person, but I have worked at a YMCA and have taught Christian morales to kids, I never thought I was brainwashing them, with idea's I did not think would help them. And kind of tieing that in to this. I think that this concept is perfectly acceptable.. though I feel like it should be a persons choice.. not what parents want for their kids.
I am actually kind of anxious if anyone has had any experience with this...Maybe a parent that wanted them to live their life like this or something.
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If you can grow to love this girl without sex, imagine how much better it would be with it. Abstaining from sex before marriage is pretty normal dude. Sex shouldn't make or break a relationship. Also tell her about you having sex too. I'm sure she won't care. I doubt she's that naive.
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From your post and replies I see that you lack one thing: information. You're assuming / wondering a lot of things. If you really have such awesome conversations with her just bring it up. Just ask her how she thinks about it.
A thing to note is that she said she wears it because her grandma asked it, find out if she wears it for her grandma or because she 'believes' in the ideals behind the ring.
I do however agree with you, if she truely doesn't want to have sex before marriage you should definitly respect that.
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On February 25 2011 01:28 RedJustice wrote:Congrats on meeting someone wonderful. In my mind, there are two main reasons people tend to wear purity reasons-- for themselves, or for other people. If someone is wearing a purity ring because they feel strongly about abstinence before marriage, I really admire that. As you said, in a long relationship, refraining from sex is difficult. Just because they are wearing that ring doesn't mean they don't have the same sexual desires as anyone else. For me, I could disagree with a person on a lot of things, but if I see them living out their convictions, even when it's hard, I have enormous respect for that person. I think it's a sign of integrity and maturity. Sometimes, people wear a purity ring because of other people. I grew up in a deeply religious home, and my parents required me to wear one. I respect their views, but I do not share them. The ring came to mean something different to me than they intended-- it served as a reminder that I want sex to be reserved for someone I love and trust. I think it's a special thing that shouldn't be thrown around casually. I am not married, and I have had sex with two people-- one whom I was in a relationship with for 3 years, and my best friend, who I have been involved with over the last year. If her grandmother gave her the ring, it may be that this girl shares her grandmother's convictions and wears it for herself as well as for her grandma. It might also be that she doesn't necessarily share her grandmother's views, but she respects them and wears it out of memory of her grandma. If it is the first case-- good for you, you've found someone who can do the harder thing because they believe it's right. That's someone worth pursuing. If it's the second case, as things get more serious, I don't think you will need to worry about it. Like I said, the ring doesn't take away someone's natural desires to be intimate with the person they care about. If she doesn't deeply believe in staying pure, she will not try that hard to combat her natural feelings. Don't be afraid of her ring and beliefs. If she is a wonderful person you have a ton of fun with, who makes you happy, who you could very well fall in love with-- she is totally worth getting to know more. A purity ring shouldn't be a deal breaker. If you can love someone you are having sex with, you can love them the same without the sex. Someone you love is worth waiting for if it matters to them.
Thanks so much for posting, I love hearing your side seeing as your parents kind of forced it on you. I dont think I am too afraid .. especially as I have been talking more and more with her.. its just not that big of a deal.
But I wanted to let you know that I thought your post was incredibly insightful. (=
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On February 25 2011 01:31 Amestir wrote:
From your post and replies I see that you lack one thing: information. You're assuming / wondering a lot of things. If you really have such awesome conversations with her just bring it up. Just ask her how she thinks about it.
A thing to note is that she said she wears it because her grandma asked it, find out if she wears it for her grandma or because she 'believes' in the ideals behind the ring.
I do however agree with you, if she truely doesn't want to have sex before marriage you should definitly respect that.
Yeah this is pretty spot on.. but keep in mind, its not the easiest thing to just "bring up" it is a pretty unique subject... and I don't want to come off as questioning her beliefs..
I dont know how to talk about it where I am finding out information because I am interested then coming off as its some huge problem for me. Basically in general I don't want to seem like it is some huge deal.. because honestly its not, I want to make the relationship happen regardless.
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I've read some post saying that you should respect her...
from your op, that is not in discussion, you should and you will (and that to me is clearly stated in the op) respect her, i feel that your fear is if you can "stand" a long relanshionship without sex (and thats totally on you).
Dont fear what could happen in one year, if the relatonship is ok now, its ok now...
You payed all the attention on my "kids" phrase, thats not all i wanted to say, whitout kids it migh be some ther beliefs that are shown by the ring that might be a trouble for you (or might not).
And as has been suggested by others here, there are two main reasons why she could use the ring.
I'd say, dont be afraid to talk with her. If you cant talk your relatonship is not going anywhere. BUt try not to push her. Talking about the "sex" subject (and some other) might be wierd for her, so just handle with care.
Best luck , and again that tittle 
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I would wait a while before asking her about it, if you bring it up to soon she might think you're more interested in having sex with her, than actually being with her.
Just keep doing what you're doing and having a good non-intimate time with her, after a while if she really falls in love with you, she wont be able to abstain anymore. Or if 6 months down the road you're still having a wonderful relationship, and you've showed that you respect her and are willing to wait for her, you can bring it up and talk about it and if she really loves you back, she'll accommodate you somehow.
Anyways, I see the purity ring in a few different ways:
1) Maybe the purity ring was her idea, and she feels really strongly about it but she's using the grandma excuse to keep her true feelings hidden. After all, wearing a purity ring these days is kind of... lame?
2)Maybe her grandma wanted her to wear it, so she is wearing it solely for her grandma but she doesnt actually care about the meaning behind it... shes just wearing it to save grace around her grammy, or to respect her in case she died recently or w/e
Either way, just show her that you care about it and wait for a little while.... but what if you wait to long and she gets used to and LIKES the idea of not having sex? oh nooo...
tough call :/
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On February 25 2011 01:42 Inzek wrote:I've read some post saying that you should respect her... from your op, that is not in discussion, you should and you will (and that to me is clearly stated in the op) respect her, i feel that your fear is if you can "stand" a long relanshionship without sex (and thats totally on you). Dont fear what could happen in one year, if the relatonship is ok now, its ok now... You payed all the attention on my "kids" phrase, thats not all i wanted to say, whitout kids it migh be some ther beliefs that are shown by the ring that might be a trouble for you (or might not). And as has been suggested by others here, there are two main reasons why she could use the ring. I'd say, dont be afraid to talk with her. If you cant talk your relatonship is not going anywhere. BUt try not to push her. Talking about the "sex" subject (and some other) might be wierd for her, so just handle with care. Best luck , and again that tittle
Yeah I understand Inzek,
I am not sure its too far out of her comfort zone.. but maybe its kind of far out of mine yet, because I feel like I may screw it up and ask in the wrong way or something. I will sure to handle the situation very delicately and it definitely seems like I need to bring it up more.. and her reasons behind it and what not.
I am glad you liked my title (=
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On February 25 2011 01:52 mesohawny wrote:
I would wait a while before asking her about it, if you bring it up to soon she might think you're more interested in having sex with her, than actually being with her.
Just keep doing what you're doing and having a good non-intimate time with her, after a while if she really falls in love with you, she wont be able to abstain anymore. Or if 6 months down the road you're still having a wonderful relationship, and you've showed that you respect her and are willing to wait for her, you can bring it up and talk about it and if she really loves you back, she'll accommodate you somehow.
Anyways, I see the purity ring in a few different ways:
1) Maybe the purity ring was her idea, and she feels really strongly about it but she's using the grandma excuse to keep her true feelings hidden. After all, wearing a purity ring these days is kind of... lame?
2)Maybe her grandma wanted her to wear it, so she is wearing it solely for her grandma but she doesnt actually care about the meaning behind it... shes just wearing it to save grace around her grammy, or to respect her in case she died recently or w/e
Either way, just show her that you care about it and wait for a little while.... but what if you wait to long and she gets used to and LIKES the idea of not having sex? oh nooo...
tough call :/
I know she respects the meaning behind the ring and is not just wearing it to wear it... but I think this is better then the later.
If it is this girls opinion then I have only the most respect for her.. I dont think she would "like" the idea of not having sex.. its just something shes making sure it is with the person she loves and is going to marry. I do agree on waiting maybe till we get to know each other more, there is still so much to find out about her (=..
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On February 25 2011 01:37 Noxie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 01:31 Amestir wrote:
From your post and replies I see that you lack one thing: information. You're assuming / wondering a lot of things. If you really have such awesome conversations with her just bring it up. Just ask her how she thinks about it.
A thing to note is that she said she wears it because her grandma asked it, find out if she wears it for her grandma or because she 'believes' in the ideals behind the ring.
I do however agree with you, if she truely doesn't want to have sex before marriage you should definitly respect that. Yeah this is pretty spot on.. but keep in mind, its not the easiest thing to just "bring up" it is a pretty unique subject... and I don't want to come off as questioning her beliefs.. I dont know how to talk about it where I am finding out information because I am interested then coming off as its some huge problem for me. Basically in general I don't want to seem like it is some huge deal.. because honestly its not, I want to make the relationship happen regardless.
The trick to talking about anything is just going in with the mindset you want. For example, if you want people to be friendly, go in acting like they are old friends.
Similarly, if you want to discuss this maturely with her (obviously you do as you've given it a lot of thought), go in acting like it's normal to bring this type of thing up. You might step on her toes, granted, but I'd say that's not nearly as bed as letting your doubts fester inside of you and grow to the point where this purity ring thing might present an ACTUAL problem.
Confidence is key. If you can't be confident in initiating this discussion then she'll pick up on it and feel uncomfortable too. It's up to you to make sure the conversation goes smoothly.
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On February 25 2011 01:59 SugarBear wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 01:37 Noxie wrote:On February 25 2011 01:31 Amestir wrote:
From your post and replies I see that you lack one thing: information. You're assuming / wondering a lot of things. If you really have such awesome conversations with her just bring it up. Just ask her how she thinks about it.
A thing to note is that she said she wears it because her grandma asked it, find out if she wears it for her grandma or because she 'believes' in the ideals behind the ring.
I do however agree with you, if she truely doesn't want to have sex before marriage you should definitly respect that. Yeah this is pretty spot on.. but keep in mind, its not the easiest thing to just "bring up" it is a pretty unique subject... and I don't want to come off as questioning her beliefs.. I dont know how to talk about it where I am finding out information because I am interested then coming off as its some huge problem for me. Basically in general I don't want to seem like it is some huge deal.. because honestly its not, I want to make the relationship happen regardless. The trick to talking about anything is just going in with the mindset you want. For example, if you want people to be friendly, go in acting like they are old friends. Similarly, if you want to discuss this maturely with her (obviously you do as you've given it a lot of thought), go in acting like it's normal to bring this type of thing up. You might step on her toes, granted, but I'd say that's not nearly as bed as letting your doubts fester inside of you and grow to the point where this purity ring thing might present an ACTUAL problem. Confidence is key. If you can't be confident in initiating this discussion then she'll pick up on it and feel uncomfortable too. It's up to you to make sure the conversation goes smoothly.
I feel like this is really true.. I am not sure when is the right time to talk about it. I was going to do it at some point before the relationship started originally because I wouldnt want to get too attached but to be honest... I dont think the response she gives me, will change how I feel.. so maybe when the time is right?
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United States32036 Posts
Your balls are going to feel as if they're gonna explode after about two weeks of cuddling and petting. No thanks. Auto deal breaker for me. I wouldn't waste my time or hers.
Waiting til marriage has to produce the most awkward sex imaginable.
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United States313 Posts
Over thinking it is probably the most dangerous thing you can do in this situation. Not that you should rush unthinkingly into what sounds like a wonderful relationship, but the more you obsess over this the larger an issue you are making it on your end, and the more likely it becomes a situation. Besides, why have something on the back of your mind during this fun exciting time of your life?
I'm glad you found someone so special decided she's worth it on your own, best of luck!
Noxie Fighting!
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moktira
Ireland1542 Posts
I don't agree with some of these statements, if you do start going out it will obviously come up sooner or later, don't rush into asking her what she thinks about it or she may think you see it as a big issue, or worse think that's mostly what you're after. Take you're time, it's been developing slowly, see how you feel once you start going out and when it comes up think about it more then and make a call, for now relax and enjoy the feelings you're experiencing. At least that's what I think.
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United States32036 Posts
also, asking about the ring is literally as simple as going 'what is that on your finger'
there's nothing hard about it. Ask it and get it out of the way, since it's obviously an issue
actually, you're a big dick if you don't bring it up soon. The fact that she has a ring obviously means she isn't insecure about it. Think how you'd feel if someone noticed a deal-breaking belief you had that might be an issue with them and they didn't bring it up until you were like a month into seeing each other
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On February 25 2011 02:08 TrueRedemption wrote:
Over thinking it is probably the most dangerous thing you can do in this situation. Not that you should rush unthinkingly into what sounds like a wonderful relationship, but the more you obsess over this the larger an issue you are making it on your end, and the more likely it becomes a situation. Besides, why have something on the back of your mind during this fun exciting time of your life?
I'm glad you found someone so special decided she's worth it on your own, best of luck!
Noxie Fighting!
<3 you True, always so real. Hope to talk to you in vent soon! I think in many ways I am over thinking it.. but I have convinced myself I am going through with it no matter what.. Just wanted to see what other people thought. TL never lets me down.
@Hawk that made me laugh pretty hard haha. I am actually surprised I havn't got more responses like that. I def appreciate your honesty. I've had sex.. so I know what I would be missing out on so to say, I am willing to give it a go. *Edit :: On your second post.. I am not sure it makes me a dick really.. I man I noticed she was wearing rings but I didnt know it was a purity ring until she took it off and showed it to me.. she told me it scares a lot of guys away because they don't see the same view. I am still unsure if it should be brought up early or later. People seem to have a split decision on this one
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On February 25 2011 02:05 Noxie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 01:59 SugarBear wrote:On February 25 2011 01:37 Noxie wrote:On February 25 2011 01:31 Amestir wrote:
From your post and replies I see that you lack one thing: information. You're assuming / wondering a lot of things. If you really have such awesome conversations with her just bring it up. Just ask her how she thinks about it.
A thing to note is that she said she wears it because her grandma asked it, find out if she wears it for her grandma or because she 'believes' in the ideals behind the ring.
I do however agree with you, if she truely doesn't want to have sex before marriage you should definitly respect that. Yeah this is pretty spot on.. but keep in mind, its not the easiest thing to just "bring up" it is a pretty unique subject... and I don't want to come off as questioning her beliefs.. I dont know how to talk about it where I am finding out information because I am interested then coming off as its some huge problem for me. Basically in general I don't want to seem like it is some huge deal.. because honestly its not, I want to make the relationship happen regardless. The trick to talking about anything is just going in with the mindset you want. For example, if you want people to be friendly, go in acting like they are old friends. Similarly, if you want to discuss this maturely with her (obviously you do as you've given it a lot of thought), go in acting like it's normal to bring this type of thing up. You might step on her toes, granted, but I'd say that's not nearly as bed as letting your doubts fester inside of you and grow to the point where this purity ring thing might present an ACTUAL problem. Confidence is key. If you can't be confident in initiating this discussion then she'll pick up on it and feel uncomfortable too. It's up to you to make sure the conversation goes smoothly. I feel like this is really true.. I am not sure when is the right time to talk about it. I was going to do it at some point before the relationship started originally because I wouldnt want to get too attached but to be honest... I dont think the response she gives me, will change how I feel.. so maybe when the time is right?
I would avoid waiting just because you're worried about what her perception will be of you asking. That's the wrong reason to wait. Women want confidence in a man and being afraid of bringing up a real issue because you're worried about what will happen screams lack of confidence.
Some (a lot of) women try to control a relationship through sex, and if she reacts in a negative way to your bringing up the topic then that is probably what is going on. I highly doubt she will react negatively to discussing the purity thing with you if she is genuine about it. In fact, she probably would enjoy sharing that intimacy of thought with you if she is interested in a relationship. Why would you be afraid of bringing up a topic that can only bring you closer? If she reacts negatively or uncomfortably to the topic I would take it as a warning sign and get out before it's too late.
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On February 25 2011 02:12 Hawk wrote:
Think how you'd feel if someone noticed a deal-breaking belief you had that might be an issue with them and they didn't bring it up until you were like a month into seeing each other
QFT
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Well I definitely see where you guys are from, it is something I will talk about for sure. Sooner then Later.
I think I have to do it before we start going out.. It wouldn't be fair if I didnt. I do agree it can bring her closer... I just hope that because I bring it up I am not judged in a certain way by her. Its ok to be curious about it all... right?
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On February 25 2011 01:05 Noxie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 01:02 HwangjaeTerran wrote:
You can only run into problems in relationship when you want to change another person.
This comes from someone who has absolutely no relationships of any kind.
If you want to be someone, there is no reason not to. People tend to overthink things. Well as I know it seems that simple.. I feel like I may not trust myself, I dont want to get extremely attached and then have some realization that I can't control my emotions ... It wouldn't be necessary her changing.. but maybe my mindset.. I mean right now everything seems so great, I respect her decision, but what about a year after we've been going out? What about 2 or 3? I don't want to change myself.. and I think that is one of the major things that worried me.. But like I said, I need to worry about that when it happens. Right now we are just talking... but I am guessing we will be together officially in the near future
Well if it takes you a few years to realize you are not okay with it, then what can you do?
You've learned something new about yourself, say goodbye and move on.
You can't fight natural change, people change and that's it, u gotta skate.
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On February 25 2011 02:30 Noxie wrote:
Well I definitely see where you guys are from, it is something I will talk about for sure. Sooner then Later.
I think I have to do it before we start going out.. It wouldn't be fair if I didnt. I do agree it can bring her closer... I just hope that because I bring it up I am not judged in a certain way by her. Its ok to be curious about it all... right?
Absolutely, if you like someone you want to know all about them.
Just don't bring it up in a negative light, like "So, you're into that purity stuff serious or not?" or something. Frame your questions like you just want to learn more about her.
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United States32036 Posts
On February 25 2011 02:13 Noxie wrote:
On your second post.. I am not sure it makes me a dick really.. I man I noticed she was wearing rings but I didnt know it was a purity ring until she took it off and showed it to me.. she told me it scares a lot of guys away because they don't see the same view. I am still unsure if it should be brought up early or later. People seem to have a split decision on this one
You have obvious qualms about it. Not bringing those up and continuing to allow her to build feelings for you despite having you serious issues about a major part of any relationship is dick.
Just point out the ring, use it to start conversation and done
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United States32036 Posts
On February 25 2011 02:30 Noxie wrote:
I just hope that because I bring it up I am not judged in a certain way by her.
if she judges you for asking, your decision just becomes that much easier
whoops doubled
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Yeah I mean I understand that Hawk, but the thing is ..its almost like I missed my chance when she originally showed me and said stuff about the ring. We kinda just moved onto another topic after I said that I think its great that she believes in something like that and I had a lot of respect for it... I think its the whole bringing it back up thats gonna be a problem for me, because we already touched on the subject. And yeah.. I guess worst case scenario is she thinks im some sex addicted freak and then I guess I dont have a choice.. though I dont think that will happen.. she is a genuine nice person.
and @sugar.. I will be delicate when and how I frame the question.. not sure the best way to go about it yet.. but yeah I think I will be able to ask it without looking like a complete ass.
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Some perspective, I am 35 years old, married and have two children. I dated a women for 7 years before we got married because neither of us had much reason to change things. I am happy with the vast majority of choices I have made in life.
Going back to when I was 16 I dated a devout Mormon, this meant there was no chance of anything sexual, kissing and heavy petting was ok but that was it. We had very good conversations about sexuality and it was one of the better relationships of my life. In the end my hormones won out over the relationship and I moved on. We maintained a friendship through the years.
The 20/20 hindsight She ended up marrying fairly early in life and having children at a young age with her husband. For some people I can see now, since I have children of my own that this is the right decision for them. For me, I needed to have more life experience before I even considered children.
Then when I was 22 I tried having a relationship again with a woman, who was keeping herself till marriage. The result was similar. Again I was not ready.
What is my point?
There are some people who want to settle into a family earlier. There are some people who want to experience more of life before settling. There are some people who want to never have a family.
I was someone that initially never wanted a family, hence the no marriage for a long period. In the end I chose the middle option listed above, but I have had moderate experience with all 3. I have to say that it took living through the options to understand the choice. In the long run, only you can know what will make you happy and only you will know if you will regret a decision.
Life can be funny too, it took 2 very major tragedies in my wife and my life in short succession to change our minds on marriage and kids. Again looking back with 20/20 hindsight, it drove us to the right decision and we could not be happier.
Good luck in making your choices. Treat your relationships with respect and it is unlikely to be anything but a good long term experience.
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Sucks religious bullshit like that can hinder a potentially great relationship.
The only advice I can offer is that you talk to her about it honestly. If she isn't receptive to your opinions, drop it.
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United States32036 Posts
It's not. It's a legit concern, you didn't miss anything.
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On February 25 2011 02:46 Eeryck wrote:
Some perspective, I am 35 years old, married and have two children. I dated a women for 7 years before we got married because neither of us had much reason to change things. I am happy with the vast majority of choices I have made in life.
Going back to when I was 16 I dated a devout Mormon, this meant there was no chance of anything sexual, kissing and heavy petting was ok but that was it. We had very good conversations about sexuality and it was one of the better relationships of my life. In the end my hormones won out over the relationship and I moved on. We maintained a friendship through the years.
The 20/20 hindsight She ended up marrying fairly early in life and having children at a young age with her husband. For some people I can see now, since I have children of my own that this is the right decision for them. For me, I needed to have more life experience before I even considered children.
Then when I was 22 I tried having a relationship again with a woman, who was keeping herself till marriage. The result was similar. Again I was not ready.
What is my point?
There are some people who want to settle into a family earlier. There are some people who want to experience more of life before settling. There are some people who want to never have a family.
I was someone that initially never wanted a family, hence the no marriage for a long period. In the end I chose the middle option listed above, but I have had moderate experience with all 3. I have to say that it took living through the options to understand the choice. In the long run, only you can know what will make you happy and only you will know if you will regret a decision.
Life can be funny too, it took 2 very major tragedies in my wife and my life in short succession to change our minds on marriage and kids. Again looking back with 20/20 hindsight, it drove us to the right decision and we could not be happier.
Good luck in making your choices. Treat your relationships with respect and it is unlikely to be anything but a good long term experience.
Thanks for the insight Eric.. I guess that is one of my fears or what might happen. I guess its not something you really have control of before you are in the situation though. I am glad it eventually worked out for you. I am not sure when I want to get married.. I would say not very soon.. but within 6 years.. I would say.
@Twist As much as it may suck, stuff like this effects everyday life all the time. It's not something I have much of a problem with, and I am going to talk to her honestly about it.. I am just hoping it works out. Like I said, as long as she is not like repulsed by me being interested about it... I dont think anything she says could change how I feel or where I want to go with in a relationship
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Wait and then get married relatively soon (1-3 years after dating)
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Personally, that is a red flag. I'm very harsh with views, odd because I'm an aspiring sociology and psychologist.
But the reality of it all is that I don't accept a lot of views, not because they're wrong or I disagree with them, but because there are some views that clash with the rigid rationale and logic I have. When I'm with someone who has a purity ring, I don't see an interest or future because I find myself conflicted with how I express a love or affection and how she does. Clearly, she doesn't need coitus to express her love for another, or at least she feels that coitus isn't something needed to express a deep passion for someone. For me, the intertwining of two loves and their physical embodiment is an essential point in a relationship and helps establish one's dedication, devotion and love for another.
So, the fear of you missing out something amazing will always, in my eyes, be lacking in how you could not express the extent of your desire for her and that's a real shame. I respect her decision and I would never tell her truthfully that her visions clash with my own and thus that is why I need to leave her (one's views are never at fault), but I would not remain with her.
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On February 25 2011 02:46 Eeryck wrote:
Going back to when I was 16 I dated a devout Mormon, this meant there was no chance of anything sexual, kissing and heavy petting was ok but that was it.
Hold on a minute...
People actually, unironically, use this term?
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On February 25 2011 03:03 Torte de Lini wrote:
Personally, that is a red flag. I'm very harsh with views, odd because I'm an aspiring sociology and psychologist.
But the reality of it all is that I don't accept a lot of views, not because they're wrong or I disagree with them, but because there are some views that clash with the rigid rationale and logic I have. When I'm with someone who has a purity ring, I don't see an interest or future because I find myself conflicted with how I express a love or affection and how she does. Clearly, she doesn't need coitus to express her love for another, or at least she feels that coitus isn't something needed to express a deep passion for someone. For me, the intertwining of two loves and their physical embodiment is an essential point in a relationship and helps establish one's dedication, devotion and love for another.
So, the fear of you missing out something amazing will always, in my eyes, be lacking in how you could not express the extent of your desire for her and that's a real shame. I respect her decision and I would never tell her truthfully that her visions clash with my own and thus that is why I need to leave her (one's views are never at fault), but I would not remain with her.
Pretty well put from clearly a psychology major I see where you are coming from. I think intimacy is needed. Hands down. And yes I think sex is a way of showing how much you love someone.. but its not like shes a virgin for life or something. She is waiting until she is sure she is with the person that matters most.
In your comment it seems as though you are talking like she doesnt think the same view.. but in simple terms she actually has the exact same view, but because of her doubts and beliefs.. she is just waiting before she shows them. Almost like waiting to make sure she doesnt fall into the hands of someone that will not be true to her for the rest of her life.
EDIT**
@Boniface it threw me off a little too, but I am guessing its the age difference maybe tied in with cultural differences as well lol. I get what he was trying to say though.
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On February 25 2011 03:13 Noxie wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 03:03 Torte de Lini wrote:
Personally, that is a red flag. I'm very harsh with views, odd because I'm an aspiring sociology and psychologist.
But the reality of it all is that I don't accept a lot of views, not because they're wrong or I disagree with them, but because there are some views that clash with the rigid rationale and logic I have. When I'm with someone who has a purity ring, I don't see an interest or future because I find myself conflicted with how I express a love or affection and how she does. Clearly, she doesn't need coitus to express her love for another, or at least she feels that coitus isn't something needed to express a deep passion for someone. For me, the intertwining of two loves and their physical embodiment is an essential point in a relationship and helps establish one's dedication, devotion and love for another.
So, the fear of you missing out something amazing will always, in my eyes, be lacking in how you could not express the extent of your desire for her and that's a real shame. I respect her decision and I would never tell her truthfully that her visions clash with my own and thus that is why I need to leave her (one's views are never at fault), but I would not remain with her. Pretty well put from clearly a psychology major I see where you are coming from. I think intimacy is needed. Hands down. And yes I think sex is a way of showing how much you love someone.. but its not like shes a virgin for life or something. She is waiting until she is sure she is with the person that matters most. In your comment it seems as though you are talking like she doesnt think the same view.. but in simple terms she actually has the exact same view, but because of her doubts and beliefs.. she is just waiting before she shows them. Almost like waiting to make sure she doesnt fall into the hands of someone that will not be true to her for the rest of her life. EDIT** @Boniface it threw me off a little too, but I am guessing its the age difference maybe tied in with cultural differences as well lol. I get what he was trying to say though.
Sex, to me, is a double-effect. It ensures that what you have is real and it shows that who you are with matters the most to you.
Waiting until you find someone that matters the most completely voids the point of sex. You have sex to be assured that he thinks you matter the most and vice-versa. If you want to be assured that this person is the one and need to get married in order to have sex, then I think there will always be a giant gape of insecurity and vulnerability because neither of you ever went to that intimate level of revealing yourselves sexually and intimately (without clothes, etc. etc.).
I'm not saying she has to put out and have sex within the conventional societal views of after 3 dates or whatever the fuck it is. I'm all for girls holding back to get that self-security that the person they're with truly adores them, but waiting until marriage seems more of an obligation than a reassurance tactic.
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United States282 Posts
You know what, man? Most guys would probably move on to the next chick and just stay friends with this one because of the whole purity ring deal(myself included). I gotta tell you though, that you made a really good point that shows off your true character:
I know I am not locked in for life or something, and if it doesnt work out.. well it doesnt work out. But I dont want to miss out on this exciting new chapter in my life because I was scared away by someones views.
I admire your outlook on the relationship, and it seems like a personal value that may take you places in life you never thought you'd go. I wish the best for the two of you, and if you ever find yourself single again, there will still be millions of women waiting to meet you. . . So give the current relationship your all.
My experience. Similar to yours
+ Show Spoiler +I was in a situation JUST like this my freshman year in college. I had parted ways with a long term relationship(she was cheating), only to meet a new girl a short time later. Come to find out this new girl was a christian and saving it till marriage. I think I was angry at my ex, and looking to bed as many chicks as I could to 'get back at her' hahaha. Well, that never made anything better. When I found out this new girl was celibate, and planned to stay that way, I ran from the budding relationship we had -leaving it as a good friendship rather than dating any further than we did. That was four years ago. Despite our very different views on organized religion, we're still great friends to this day, and she's an amazing girl. I often wonder if I made a huge mistake, but I also then come to the conclusion that I would have missed out on the other relationships I've had since that time. I wouldn't ever want to go back and erase those. I don't think I'd ever try for anything with her again. The friendship I have with her now is a rare one, and there are other romantic opportunities on the horizon so it'll stay where it's at.
Needless to say, I'm still in that place where abstinence is a deal-breaker for me. If we can't get in bed together, emotions will only take me so far in a relationship. As of right now, the sexual aspect of meeting women is still a priority among other things. That's the breaks, I guess.
After reading your OP and some of your follow up thoughts though, I'm re-evaluating my stance. Thanks Noxie.
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On February 25 2011 03:37 ZombiesOMG wrote:You know what, man? Most guys would probably move on to the next chick and just stay friends with this one because of the whole purity ring deal(myself included). I gotta tell you though, that you made a really good point that shows off your true character: Show nested quote +I know I am not locked in for life or something, and if it doesnt work out.. well it doesnt work out. But I dont want to miss out on this exciting new chapter in my life because I was scared away by someones views. I admire your outlook on the relationship, and it seems like a personal value that may take you places in life you never thought you'd go. I wish the best for the two of you, and if you ever find yourself single again, there will still be millions of women waiting to meet you. . . So give the current relationship your all. My experience. Similar to yours + Show Spoiler +I was in a situation JUST like this my freshman year in college. I had parted ways with a long term relationship(she was cheating), only to meet a new girl a short time later. Come to find out this new girl was a christian and saving it till marriage. I think I was angry at my ex, and looking to bed as many chicks as I could to 'get back at her' hahaha. Well, that never made anything better. When I found out this new girl was celibate, and planned to stay that way, I ran from the budding relationship we had -leaving it as a good friendship rather than dating any further than we did. That was four years ago. Despite our very different views on organized religion, we're still great friends to this day, and she's an amazing girl. I often wonder if I made a huge mistake, but I also then come to the conclusion that I would have missed out on the other relationships I've had since that time. I wouldn't ever want to go back and erase those. I don't think I'd ever try for anything with her again. The friendship I have with her now is a rare one, and there are other romantic opportunities on the horizon so it'll stay where it's at. Needless to say, I'm still in that place where abstinence is a deal-breaker for me. If we can't get in bed together, emotions will only take me so far in a relationship. As of right now, the sexual aspect of meeting women is still a priority among other things. That's the breaks, I guess. After reading your OP and some of your follow up thoughts though, I'm re-evaluating my stance. Thanks Noxie.
Thanks for the kind words Zombies, I understand I myself am probably in a minority of being a little more accepting to this whole thing just as much as she is believing in it. East Carolina University is a party school, don't get me wrong. I party pretty hard, girls have been all over me before, I can't say that is something that makes me happy when I am trying to look for a relationship. Maybe because I have been apart of that whole party scene and slutty girls I know I am not missing out. But obviously any jump to the extreme other side is completely new to me and pretty scary at first.
I am glad you are re-evaluating your stance, but in NO way am I saying you should wait yourself or something, just maybe be more open to the next girl you run into that believes in waiting until marriage. One of the best things I have ever done was introduce myself to this girl. I am hoping it continues to be a ride of a lifetime.
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United States282 Posts
On February 25 2011 03:48 Noxie wrote:
But obviously any jump to the extreme other side is completely new to me and pretty scary at first.
I am glad you are re-evaluating your stance, but in NO way am I saying you should wait yourself or something, just maybe be more open to the next girl you run into that believes in waiting until marriage. One of the best things I have ever done was introduce myself to this girl. I am hoping it continues to be a ride of a lifetime.
Oh yeah, it'd be scary for me too, which is why I took off from that girl freshman year.
Hehe, I am re-evaluating my stance in the sense that if I happen to meet a girl with that celibacy belief, and we get along gorgeously, I'm going to try not to shy away from her. Yeah, like you said, I'm just planning to be a lot more open with the next girl like this that I meet.
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On February 25 2011 03:53 ZombiesOMG wrote:Show nested quote +On February 25 2011 03:48 Noxie wrote:
But obviously any jump to the extreme other side is completely new to me and pretty scary at first.
I am glad you are re-evaluating your stance, but in NO way am I saying you should wait yourself or something, just maybe be more open to the next girl you run into that believes in waiting until marriage. One of the best things I have ever done was introduce myself to this girl. I am hoping it continues to be a ride of a lifetime. Oh yeah, it'd be scary for me too, which is why I took off from that girl freshman year. Hehe, I am re-evaluating my stance in the sense that if I happen to meet a girl with that celibacy belief, and we get along gorgeously, I'm going to try not to shy away from her. Yeah, like you said, I'm just planning to be a lot more open with the next girl like this that I meet.
Thats great to hear man, I talked to her a lot again today.. still didnt bring anything up, but def absorbed everything in and I am in no way having doubts.. its something for sure I wanna go through with no matter what the response (=
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Yeah sounds good go through with it like you said if it doesn't work out it doesn't work out. good luck I have never personally met anyone who wears a purity ring so I can't offer you advice little noxic gas.
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Fuck you Noxie <3
If she's worth it, why worry? Once you get closer she will open up and you can touch on the subject then. Relationships are whatever ;p
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<3 Titan.. how about stop losing in CW's LOL
Yeah I mean its something that we'll talk about as we get closer.. I am sure of it.
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Alls I know is what I've seen in my girlfriend's high school friends (grew up in SC). A number of them were the "no sex till marriage" types so they ended up getting married quite early (to have sex). These kids were around 18-20 when they got together and married at 21 or so. Half of them had kids within 1-2 years and almost all of them are divorced now. From what I can tell they're not getting anywhere in life as far as careers go. I guess it helps that living costs in SC are so low that you can survive off of welfare and child support.
Incidentally, one of these girls is a pretty intelligent artist type who is now raping her ex-husband over through child support while she plays farmville everyday.
Basically, don't marry early for sex, or marry early at all for that matter. The probability that you will actually understand if you're good for each other increases exponentially with time and I would say 4 years is the minimum. If the girl isn't willing to put out till marriage then you've got to be prepared to be blue-balled for a LONG time, and then you've got to hope that she's good in bed when you finally seal the deal. Honestly, I wouldn't do it but good marriages/relationships have happened without sex before marriage so if you think you're up for it go for it. The funny thing is that usually when you actually do the deed the girls gonna be like "I waited that long for THAT? wtf was I thinking".
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(EDIT: I just wanna tell all I'm 23 years old, because it is somewhat interesting when talking about these things. Also we've been officially together since last summer and we are gonna get married in 2014 when her studies are complete - Long wait, but worth it )
Hmm... me and my gf have this "#1 rule: no sex before marriage". We inherited it from our parents + religion and it feels amazing to be able to learn every physical thing with just one person. I had not even kissed any girl before, but now I've got thousands of kisses etc... and it feels absolutely best because I don't have anyone to compare against.
All this being said, we are VERY AWARE of our sexual needs. It's not a topic which should be hidden and buried. There are certain feelings "down there" when true love is in the air. We can talk about sex, but we absolutely respect the #1 rule. We can easily cuddle and daydream together and it doesn't get weird at all because from the very start we had this easy-to-follow rule.
To me, being unexperienced and then learning together is one of the best gifts when talking about getting attached and growing into "one body" and "one mind". Sexuality in nowadays world is kinda impossible to avoid if you keep your eyes open. I wish I didn't need to see so much sex all around, but because it is how it is, we want to make sure we are also sexual enough for each other.
Sex is not necessary at all in order to find out if you fit together physically. I think you need some REALLY PRIVATE moments with her though. Like spending REALLY GOOD time, but not with sex being the thing.
It's like this:
Admitting the love -> Holding Hands -> Putting Arm Around -> Hugging Bodies Against Each Other -> Kissing -> Laying Down -> Kissing 100 times -> Touching Non-Sexual Body Parts / Teasing And Feeling -> Other Random Stuff Like Giving Back Massage -> Marriage -> Sex -> Physical relationship level maxed out.
Enjoy your life !
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Think I should probably reiterate I am not looking to get married anytime soon haha. Thanks for the post Ation, some of the stuff I disagree with but I am glad to hear your point of view.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://meaningofflower-s.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/true-love-waits-ring1.jpg)
