Who here wants a girlfriend? - Page 3

On December 22 2010 05:44 Arkansassy wrote:


Most assuredly it doesn't hurt to present yourself well dressed and well groomed, but as soon as you open your (collective) mouth and come off as a dumb fuck, any "hot chick" worth having would laugh in your face. Intelligence is extremely attractive.

What I totally agree with in the OP is that a man should be confident without being cocky; unfortunately, according to some of the responses, some men can't differentiate between the two.

On December 24 2010 09:21 Haemonculus wrote:

Both are important, but in slightly different ways. Obviously, all the mental stuff, personality/intelligence, etc, is far more important in the long run, and will be what really holds a relationship together.

Looks, however, will get you noticed from across the room.

On December 22 2010 03:17 TheAntZ wrote:


Then why would you come into a blog asking if you want a girlfriend?
Methinks thou doth commit the sin of bullshittery

On December 22 2010 03:18 `Zapdos wrote:


Oh god I lol'd..

On December 24 2010 11:50 Subversion wrote:


lol can sum1 explain the joke to me?

On December 24 2010 09:54 Cedstick wrote:

Yep. Need the bait, and that's why presentation is so important.

On December 24 2010 21:18 bebejugga wrote:
My take on this topic: be nice to her and then ignore her. But not like flat out ignore her to her face. "Forget" to text back and be "too busy" to pick up her calls, every now and then
It makes you seem interested, but distant and mysterious... it drives a girl crazy.

...But then again, girls are fcking crazy.

On December 22 2010 02:53 TheGiz wrote:
Point #1: Augment yourself.
Being ‘attractive’ has nothing to do with your overall physical appearance as far as inherited beauty goes. It only has to do with presentation, both on the level of personality and personal maintenance. Note that you do not have to change who you are, you merely have to augment yourself. Who you are is what makes you unique and interesting, but if it presented wrong then it might work against you.

Appearance:Sharpen up your wardrobe a little and bring things within the realm of the normal, but according to your personal preferences. Get a good haircut. Wash yourself. Shave. These are simple little things that go a long way. They prevent your otherwise great self from being hampered by correctable turn-offs.

Weight:Let me give a brief special mention to weight. If you are rail-thin or over-weight, the most important thing for now is to not be self-conscious about it. Even if you are, fake that you aren’t (more on that later), a don't be defensive about it. You should probably work out if only for the future, but don’t think you need to be juiced or anything.

Personality:Now let’s talk about augmenting your personality. You do not have to be a different person. Be yourself, but just be a more confident you. Carry your head higher (literally put your shoulders back more and stand up straight) and focus on having a self-sure facial expression. All I mean is don’t look slouchy or sad - no one wants to hang around with a downer. Women respond to confidence, and appearing confident is the first step to being confident. If you are not confident then just fake it until you make it. By making conscious attempts to appear a little more bold and sure of yourself than you normally would be, it will eventually come naturally to you and feel natural as well. It all comes down to practice. Don’t be cocky though.

Interests/Nerdiness:Let me also talk about things like your interests and how you present them. It is ok to like something, but don’t make it seem like that thing rules you, and for the love of God don’t be ashamed of it either. Be confident about your interests and the reasons you like them, but don’t dwell on things that other people themselves are not interested in, and don’t guilt people for not liking them either. (i.e. My girlfriend will never understand the awesomeness that is Star Wars or StarCraft, but I’m not going to jam it down her throat.)

Point #2: Get out there.
No one will ever get much sitting on their ass, so it’s time to go trolling. And I’m talking about fishing trolling, not Internet trolling. The more lines in the water that one has, the more chances they have of catching fish. Women are fish, there are plenty out there, you just have to be out there too.

Socialize: Socializing is a massive aspect to getting dates and dating. If you really want to meet people it’s simply a matter of socializing as much as humanly possible. Go out with friends, walk around the mall, do activities in groups (exercise classes, w/e). Take the opportunity to talk to many many people, especially women, and don’t hesitate to ask for a number or two.

Dealing with Anxiety:
Fear is a major inhibitor of attracting people, which is why confidence and frequency is key. You simply have to get over your fear of women by talking to them, and realize that rejection is just like losing on the Ladder; it happens, get over it. Think about it – when you first started laddering you were probably scared to death, but after 150+ games I’ll bet that you aren’t too scared of playing another one, are you? Imagine you talked to the same amount of women in that time; the fear would be gone too.

Point #3: Dealing with BansheesWomen.
All of the self-augmenting you’ve done should at least get you over the hurdles of meeting and talking to women. Dating them is no different, because confidence is really all that matters. Sure there are tactics here and there that help, but what you really want to focus on is the macro game. Here’s a few points:

- Women like to play games. Some women, through no fault of their own other than how they were raised or what they've been told in life, tend to jerk you around a little (not responding to attempts at communication, jealousy plays, being unavailable, etc).Try to spot these games ahead of time and nip them in the bud. Call them out on it too – women like to be challenged, and it will also prevent them from doing similar things in the future.

- Women do not make the rules. Do your best to never appear needy, whether you’ve been dating 3 times or 3 years. Remember that if you’re looking for someone to spend your time with, she is under just as much scrutiny as you are, and should be working for your affection too. Don't be a 'puppy dog' and do all kinds of shit for her. Favors are nice, but only if they are acknowledged, appreciated, and reciprocated.

- Women like to talk about themselves. I’d say that most conversations with a girl should consist of her giving 70% or more of the information. This goes again with the her trying to get you aspect.That is not to say that you should be doing 30% of the talking, just that the conversation should be about her or something that she is interested in most of the time. You don't want to talk too much about yourself right away because it will take away the mystery and you'll be left bare and uninteresting. Generic topics about which you have mutual interest is always good.

- Don't be emotional. Women like to be serious and sometimes melodramatic, which is why you should always be calm, cool, and collected. This may seem cliché but keep your emotions subdued as much as possible. You can reveal your feelings over time but don't think that a girl you still don't know that well is going to show you the level of sympathy that you might expect from a parent, sibling, or close friend. The last thing you want is a girl thinking to herself, 'Oh, this guy really can't keep it together. Is he going to lose it like this all the time?' Being the calm one can often create a nice dynamic between you two - the girl might lose her cool but you're the one to bring her back down. She may even grow to depend on that.

- Women like compliments. This is both true and false. Little compliments every once in a while are nice, but playful teasing is also good. Any guy can give a girl a compliment, but (a) is it true or is he spouting it trying to impress her?, and (b) what guy would have the balls to make a negative remark? This usually works best if it is funny, but never get defensive if the joke doesn't land. General compliments are lame too; finer compliments are much better. “I like your sweater” is wayyyyy better than “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” Pardon the hyperbole, but you get what I mean.

I apologize if it seems that I disrespect women; I do not. I merely think that girls are different as well as being highly predictable in a general sense. Every girl will deviate from the norm in small ways, but there will be 9 other ways in which she is exactly the same as the next girl.

Point #4: The Late Game
If you want to keep a girl interested in you for a long time you should always be conscious of your behavior so that you don’t all-of-a-sudden become unattractive again. Over time you should reveal more of yourself to the person, but that doesn’t mean that you should become some kind of a sappy pussy. That is a surefire way for a girl to lose interest. Girls can sometimes be fickle even very late into a relationship.

My philosophy is that there are 4 pillars to any relationship: Personality, Family, Sexuality, and Appearance. All of these things have to connect for a relationship to be worthwhile. If you are not satisfied with any of these avenues then you should reconsider what you are doing, especially if your end goal is marriage. I can not advocate people staying in an unhealthy relationship.

Hope all of this helps, and good luck.

Final Note: Remember throughout that you are not lying to get with a girl, nor should you be fake or self-conscious. When you are faking confidence, you are simply forcing yourself to conduct yourself a certain way until it comes naturally to you, kind of like learning build order in Starcraft. Honesty can only go so far until you develop a natural trust with someone over time, hence everything in Point #4. Being confident is not a negative thing, and getting there requires practice, believe it or not.

Note also that dating is not a 'game,' nor should you treat it like one. You should instead realize that it is much less serious or nerve-wracking than you might make it out to be in your head. Any references to 'game' that were made in this OP are metaphors relating to Starcraft terminology. This is a Starcraft-related site after all. i.e. By 'macro game' I mean general conduct around girls as opposed to dumbass tactics like one would see on Keys to the V.I.P. (an entertaining show with a few interesting points, but not necessarily how one should look at dating).

On December 22 2010 04:35 JackMcCoy wrote:
Thanks, Giz. Most OPs are too soft, I'm glad I came in here to find someone whipping out the hard truth and shoving it down our throats. Lots of times people get all excited about girl blogs, but they end up jerking around and then it just blows up right in their faces before they can ever penetrate the real issues. That said, some people will find some of your suggestions hard to swallow. See, men rarely follow good advice. They view them selves as some sort of psychology master, baiting girls and then reeling them in, when in reality they just limp around, blowing wads of cash on girls who don't care about them. I'm more like Giz, all about consistency. I had tons of sex in high school, to the point where my friends nicknamed me, "you late?" cause I was always making sure my girlfriends weren't pregnant. It was enough to make my head swell. Man, those girls were so full of spunk, I miss those days. Anyways, thanks again for this huge load of information.

- E. Jack "You Late?" McCoy