Another girl problem - Page 4

On November 16 2010 07:09 paper wrote:
It's over.

DELETE FROM FACEBOOK, HIT THE GYM

On November 18 2010 07:15 AndAgain wrote:
A girl who is into you would never avoid you like that.

Edit:

We talked about it, and then we hanged around whole day. The day ended with a lot of kisses, so my little problem is solved.. I didn't talk to her for some days, and she really missed me ;P

On November 24 2010 17:06 BaltA wrote:
I made a blog about this girl http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?id=169293 which I kinda fell inlove with.

[stuff]

Fuck girls are complicated.

On November 16 2010 08:30 Kennigit wrote:
I've had this happen to me before, its a product of acting too needy and letting it move too fast without being really involved with her. Theres a couple things you can do to save/fix this.

- Don't talk to her that much. Shes not your fucking wife - give her the pleasure or thinking and missing you and wondering why you aren't on msn.
- Be the one the cut off convo cause you are busy doing stuff.
- It's really important that you don't make a deal of this, but let her know that her behavior is unacceptable. Dont chase after her. You actually have a much better chance of success if you tell her that you have other things you can do in your time and her cancelling that late is unacceptable - if she wants to go out, she can call you.
- Girls subconsciously do this stuff to test how much bullshit you will put up with and if you are really a man. In my online dating escapades, i had a girl cancel on me 5 hours before we were supposed to meet - i told her that was a her problem, not a me problem and that 5 hours cancel wasn't acceptable. I dropped her and then she chased me about a week after.
- Wait 4-5 days, test the water if she hasn't contacted you already. Then pick it back up, cooly.

On November 25 2010 07:22 Salv wrote:


I have a friend who subscribes to theories like this. I was talking to him one day and he told me a story about how he asked out this girl from our school. Long story short, he looks forward all week to this date, and then she texts him about three or fours hours before they are supposed to meet, says she can't go out that night, because her cousin she doesn't see very often unexpectedly came to visit, she'll take a rain check. My friend texts her back, and basically said something pretty close to what you describe, that it was her problem, that a late cancellation was unacceptable, etc.

Anyway, unbeknownst to him, I know this girl, and I asked her about it, and her excuse was legit, and she actually was interested, but when he called and said what he did, she thought he was a fucking psycho. What are you, a doctor's office? Do you charge her a cancellation fee as well? It sounded like a really bad idea when my friend originally told me, and it sounds just as bad reading it again in your post.

My own advice would be that you should try again, and if she flakes on you again (which in this case she did), then just put the ball in her court like others have suggested, and leave it alone. It's entirely possible that legitimate excuses happen, I think it's stupid to get all macho on a girl telling her what's acceptable and what isn't, you're probably just hurting your chances. I've never heard of a girl being told off like that and then going, "Oh man I better chase this guy!" It always ends in disaster in stories I've heard.

Just to further reiterate my point, I met my current girlfriend on a weekend excursion I had to do for my job. I work with troubled youth and we take them places, show them around, get them involved in quality projects around the community - it's funded by Immigration Canada. Anyway, so I meet this girl, and there isn't a whole lot to do on this weekend, so I mostly talk and hang out with her. I ask for her number eventually, she gives it to me, and everything seemed fine. I give her a call a few days later in the morning and I get no answer. I try again that night, no answer. I tried again two days later, same thing. It would seem that this girl was screening my calls and wasn't picking up.

I talked to my friend - the very same friend I mentioned in the first paragraph of this post, and he suggested that I leave a message for her, saying that it isn't cool that she hasn't returned my calls and that it was her loss. Well, instead of doing like, I left a message just saying who it was, that I tried giving her a call to no avail, and for her to give me a call if she was interested. She called back a couple days later and it turns out she had a business trip in the United States and didn't get any reception so she wasn't receiving any of her calls. If I had done what my friend suggested, who the fuck knows what would have happened. Therefore, I would suggest you don't do what Kennigit suggested, and instead just leave it up to her and see what happens.

On November 25 2010 12:06 lixlix wrote:
The point is to assert that you have a lot of things going on and that it is a privilege for her to go out with you, not the other way around.

On November 25 2010 13:05 Salv wrote:
I know exactly what the deal is with my friend, and it's that he's in to the entire idea of gaming women, and maybe that works for some people, I don't know, but my friend is definitely not the type of guy who should be using that approach. My friend is simply a nice guy, but he tries to put on this macho facade where he's king shit. It's crazy to read some things here because they are almost verbatim what he says to me sometimes, for example:

My friend says this stuff all the time. He'll be talking to me about some girl, and how she cancelled a date, or how he suggested a date and it didn't work out because she had an excuse, and then he'll explain to me how he's going to play it. He'll say things exactly like this: "I already called her once, but it's like, you have to let her know that you're a busy guy, and that things revolve around you. Her not going out with me is her loss, because I have things going on, and I don't schedule my life around her..." ad nauseam.
Maybe that kind of thing works, I have no idea, that's not my style, what I do know is that I have more success with less headache by just being what I would say is a normal, rational person. I'm not saying that what I'm saying is better, but I am saying that I know of one case at least where gaming advice simply doesn't work. It's more likely that you need to be a natural at that sort of thing, and I think if you're having trouble with women in the first place, you're probably not that guy. You should just be genuine without being a sucker, I think every guy can do that.

You guys make it seem like we're fighting a war against members of the opposite sex. You make relationships sound like a game with set and defined rules: oh women only like guys that are disinterested in them... the guys have to smoke weed and own cars and not give a shit about life.

You make women sound like idiots who need to feed off of nice guys and get abused by stupid ones.

Girls can be smart, just as smart if not smarter than you. I think they can be rational too. Of course they don't like creepy guys that bug them all day... of course they probably want guys who are into sex and demonstrate it...they probably want guys that are fun too! Think of them as rational people.

Last thing I'd like to mention is the myth of the friend lover ladders that a lot of people on TL like to refer to. You act like men are incapable of cooperating with women in a nonsexual manner, that they only go after women for sex and can not have female friends. Then you act like women can only see men as either friends or lovers but not as both. It just doesn't make any sense that sex wouldn't be a natural step in a male female relationship once two people got to know each other really well. The only real hindrance is that both the male and the female do not want to jeoparadize their friendship... not this mystical ladder theory shit.

On November 26 2010 08:06 rezoacken wrote:
Hello hidden_motives, how is it going from the time you asked if you could meet someone while being busy.

This is what I reffer to when I call people that think of it that way : angry. But still you admitted yourself (later) there are behaviours that are repulsive, so as an advice one should avoid such behaviours.

Yes. Though they are more emotional than rational.

I'm not sure I understand corectly[sic] and what exactly you reffer[sic] to. But the thing is women are more honest with this, they know which can be a friend and which is either for love or sex. Men on the other hand are often not honest on this subject and play the friend when they want to be the lover, this is not a strategy, for someone to see you as something you should try to look like it. I clearly think it is possible for male female friendship, but I do not think it is possible when the man has a scarcity frame of mind (he has very few options with women). I think a man should really be desinterested about a sexual relationship with a woman to become a friend and this can only happen if his sexual need are adressed with somebody else (one or more girls).

On November 26 2010 09:13 Hidden_MotiveS wrote:



While it is idiomatic to speak in this way, I would argue that people act as rationally as they can in their given state of minds. While what they are doing may not seem rational to us, it is rational to them in their emotional state. It's not like guys aren't slaves to their emotions either.

I would still try to approach relationships as reasonably as possible though.

The clouding of reason by emotional states is a hidden variable in my relationship theory that I did not take into account. Thanks.

I've noticed that a lot of guys like to point to ladder theory, either directly or through links or indirectly by spouting the ideas of ladder theory almost verbatim .
http://ladderwiki.com/wiki/Ladder_Theory