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So a couple of weeks ago me and my gf of two years decided to break up. We were in a rut, some things happened between us and she really felt guilty and basically thought she was a bad girlfriend for me etc etc. So weeks passed on and we kinda stop texting eachother. I still think about her everyday and I still love her but it's just... Our history together...
And a couple of days ago, I found out she already has another  and I am fucking devasted and depressed I still love her badly and I regret not contacting her anymore during those few weeks. Basically, we were broke up for 8-9 weeks, and in the 3-4 week she met someone new, all happy and in love
And here I am : being depressed, missing her, thinking about her, having regrets ...
Anyway just wanted to vent here. Perhaps hope someone has good advice for me or can cheer me up.
Also, for the people who have found someone they love, never forget what you have, because once you lose that someone ...
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Hong Kong20321 Posts
fuck it if shes got another already
go have some waffles or w/e u belgians eat
CHOCOLATE :D:D:DD
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If she's already got another guy then shows her character really and to be fair mate sounds like you are better off with out her. Just keep yourself busy, go see friends, go play some SC or as alffla said go eat some goddamn waffles. You'll be fine mate don't worry about it. =3
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love does suck... time will heal all though. While you wait, eat some chocolate and ogle some nice Belgium women.
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What is up with all the chocolate-eating advice? :o Tbh, I prefer fries to chocolate and if I eat those for 3 weeks I'll be a frigging fatass and my hopes of finding someone new will go dramatically down
And prolly even more depressed lol ...
anyway
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Sorry for your pain. It's been my experience though that when a woman finds someone that quickly after a long relationship she doesn't have "another". She's in a lot of pain too. She is probably just following the advice of her friends to get out there and have some fun. She's just going out to get out of the house. Nothing serious.
It sounds like she loved you but was not "in love" with you. She did you a favor. Even though it hurts right now you will meet someone else and that person could be the best person on the planet for you.
Try to get all this grief out by talking to friends and family. Get it all out. Then go out with your friends. Don't mope around and don't talk about her all the time after that. Let her go. Remember who you were before. Then ask someone out just for fun. You are going get through this and you will be a better person for having had the experience.
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Well don't eat chocolate, waffles or fries or whatever just do something that will help you take your mind off of her mate anything at all. It'll take time and it's not going to be an instantaneous (sp?) heal but you'll get there sonny jim chin up and all that. Also judging from your profile you're still a young lad so you're gonna have plenty more oppurtunities in the future so just try and put it behind you as best you can.
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On November 23 2009 00:58 mangomango wrote:
Sorry for your pain. It's been my experience though that when a woman finds someone that quickly after a long relationship she doesn't have "another". She's in a lot of pain too. She is probably just following the advice of her friends to get out there and have some fun. She's just going out to get out of the house. Nothing serious.
It sounds like she loved you but was not "in love" with you. She did you a favor. Even though it hurts right now you will meet someone else and that person could be the best person on the planet for you.
Try to get all this grief out by talking to friends and family. Get it all out. Then go out with your friends. Don't mope around and don't talk about her all the time after that. Let her go. Remember who you were before. Then ask someone out just for fun. You are going get through this and you will be a better person for having had the experience.
I'm positive she loved me deeply, too many stuff points that out. And I do think she's already serious with that guy, he already met her family through circumstances etc... And they are a couple of weeks together...
Aaaarrgh I just fucking hate this feeling
It's horrifying how you get so attached to someone
but thanks for the post, it made me feel a little bit better
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When shes saying she feels guilty and like a bad girlfriend, she thinking about being with someone else or just not wanting to be with you. These things happen and will keep happening until you find the absolute perfect someone. You'll never know who they are though until the end so just keep your chin up and life will go on. Hit on chicks when your up for it, you got the last girl you loved so you can get a new one.
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On November 23 2009 01:04 Elvin_vn wrote:
I like Belgium chocolate
I like it too but I prefer fries
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Korea (South)11579 Posts
This new guy might be a "rebound" from your relationship. who knows.
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As long as you don't purposely hang onto your feelings for her, they will completely disappear no matter how close you were to the person. Just try not to be so romantic and pick up an old hobby now that you have more time.
Also apple juice. You need your vitamin C, tiger.
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fuck. i know how you feel dude. it happens though-- it's just easier for girls to bounce back (in general) since girls don't really have to do much in the dating process. so even if she was sad or depressed, guys approaching her wouldn't necessarily know that. you, on the other hand, would have to make an actual effort to move on by talking to other girls. if you haven't been talking to other girls because of her, don't feel bad-- you can hop back into it when you're ready!
feel better!
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On November 23 2009 01:26 Chef wrote:
As long as you don't purposely hang onto your feelings for her, they will completely disappear no matter how close you were to the person.
I disagree. I believe its best to try to remember the ups and downs even if it didn't last. Love is a warmth and if you forget the sunny days then you will regret what you turn into years down the road.
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On November 23 2009 02:02 Zanric wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2009 01:26 Chef wrote:
As long as you don't purposely hang onto your feelings for her, they will completely disappear no matter how close you were to the person. I disagree. I believe its best to try to remember the ups and downs even if it didn't last. Love is a warmth and if you forget the sunny days then you will regret what you turn into years down the road.
true... although it's hard to think about those sunny moments Tears come to my eyes thinking about those...
sigh, still ...I wish I could forget her
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There's a difference between remembering something, and living in the past. People who live in the past for too long are creepy and/or not living their present. For some people it's normal to have regrets for months, but the people who hold onto it for years become very bitter and dysfunctional.
What exactly are you suggesting someone turns into? A normal, functioning human being who enjoys making new memories? I think if you're serious I'd accuse you of being too busy thinking of something flowery to say, and too ignorant of what day-to-day life is.
You will, foefen. Not immediately, but you will.
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I am a working man and as such I am very aware of this "day-to-day" life. Do you think it means forgetting your past for the sake of living in the present? There is nothing wrong about remembering good or bad experiences. That is where people tend to grow into better people if they can keep life in perspective. Also, I think if you're serious I would accuse you of being an asshole.
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Look if she found a new guy that fast she probably doesnt love you back. Don't vent: thatll give you problems the next time you're angry. My advice is to move on, and don't dwell on the past
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moving on and having fun is the best thing you can do. I know exactly how you feel. but man I can promise you there are better women in every capacity out there. go have fun, party. workout. starcraft. do whatever. but man you are single. SINGLE do you realize the freedoms you have now?!! go use them before you get another chain
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some things happened between us and she really felt guilty and basically thought she was a bad girlfriend for me etc etc. man i think she said this to really break up with u so that he can have a full time with his newly found guy!
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Belgium9947 Posts
On November 23 2009 00:57 DwmC_Foefen wrote:What is up with all the chocolate-eating advice? :o Tbh, I prefer fries to chocolate and if I eat those for 3 weeks I'll be a frigging fatass and my hopes of finding someone new will go dramatically down And prolly even more depressed lol ... anyway
Free fries in Leuven today at the Grote Markt
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dude there are no problems with being single until you get a job
then they pay you less than married workers
so no sweat
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On November 23 2009 02:47 Zanric wrote:
I am a working man and as such I am very aware of this "day-to-day" life. Do you think it means forgetting your past for the sake of living in the present? There is nothing wrong about remembering good or bad experiences. That is where people tend to grow into better people if they can keep life in perspective. Also, I think if you're serious I would accuse you of being an asshole.
I meant at the time of writing, obviously. You wouldn't be human if you didn't live a day-to-day life.
I think you misunderstood my meaning. The OP is talking about feeling bad and missing her. Those feelings WILL disappear after awhile, and it's normal and healthy to let someone go from your conscious. Of course he won't forget what she meant to him, but she won't mean that to him anymore. It's absurdly unprofound to remark people have memories, which is why I presumed you meant feelings (especially since you quoted what I said about feelings and said "NO").
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On November 23 2009 03:24 RaGe wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2009 00:57 DwmC_Foefen wrote:What is up with all the chocolate-eating advice? :o Tbh, I prefer fries to chocolate and if I eat those for 3 weeks I'll be a frigging fatass and my hopes of finding someone new will go dramatically down And prolly even more depressed lol ... anyway Free fries in Leuven today at the Grote Markt
Kzit in gent :p So that's no option lol...
Yea that's another thing, everytime I bike to my school, I have to pass her house (kot) ...
Friggin depressing
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Feelings and memories are so closely related that they will mesh over time. My point to the OP is to not forget the good times they shared. Yes its painful now but that will pass like all things in life. Just focus on the positive!
Chef: I only said I disagreed with your words not saying no entirely. I am not attacking you just stating my perspective. Perhaps I should say "I lightly disagree" from now on ^^.
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Has anyone ever been in the same situation? Perhaps I'll be able to rationalize it a bit then...
And everybody says: It'll pass over time but boy... At the moment... I never felt like this over a girl :s
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Just because she has another boyfriend does not mean that she doesn't love you anymore. She could be going to someone else for comfort before coming back to you. Just stay positive and try to contact her later to see how she feels about you, she most likely still has feelings for you man.
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On November 23 2009 04:45 Hypnosis wrote:
Just because she has another boyfriend does not mean that she doesn't love you anymore. She could be going to someone else for comfort before coming back to you. Just stay positive and try to contact her later to see how she feels about you, she most likely still has feelings for you man.
I hope so... Only now I know what I had And I threw it away, didn't do anything to stop it and suddenly it was too late...
Seriously, if any of you guys have feelings for a girl you like, DON'T HESITATE TO TELL HER because before you know it, you'll lose her...
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If she felt guilty and thought she was a bad girlfriend before you broke up and had another one lined up chances are she was cheating on you. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but everything points to that for me.
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On November 23 2009 04:48 DwmC_Foefen wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2009 04:45 Hypnosis wrote:
Just because she has another boyfriend does not mean that she doesn't love you anymore. She could be going to someone else for comfort before coming back to you. Just stay positive and try to contact her later to see how she feels about you, she most likely still has feelings for you man. I hope so... Only now I know what I had And I threw it away, didn't do anything to stop it and suddenly it was too late... Seriously, if any of you guys have feelings for a girl you like, DON'T HESITATE TO TELL HER because before you know it, you'll lose her...
But it would be kind of creepy to just say,"I like you." But it is a good advise for the guys that are too shy. It is better to at least try it then to lose her for ever.
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Pretty much the same exact thing happened to me... i would have to walk by her house, see her around town with the new guy and everything... I say just try to forget her, honestly. I wouldnt contact her at all. All that stuff is just going to prolong the bad feelings and complicate everything. Anyway, just give it some time...it's gonna take a long time, but you will eventually start thinking about her less and less everyday, and finding yourself more interested in someone else. Just dont mope around or feel sorry for yourself in the meantime. These things happen. try to stay busy and social and have alot of fun with your friends
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On November 23 2009 04:54 Person514cs wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2009 04:48 DwmC_Foefen wrote:On November 23 2009 04:45 Hypnosis wrote:
Just because she has another boyfriend does not mean that she doesn't love you anymore. She could be going to someone else for comfort before coming back to you. Just stay positive and try to contact her later to see how she feels about you, she most likely still has feelings for you man. I hope so... Only now I know what I had And I threw it away, didn't do anything to stop it and suddenly it was too late... Seriously, if any of you guys have feelings for a girl you like, DON'T HESITATE TO TELL HER because before you know it, you'll lose her... But it would be kind of creepy to just say,"I like you." But it is a good advise for the guys that are too shy. It is better to at least try it then to lose her for ever.
I mean really go for it with the girl you like... Don't just go up there and say I like you lol, get to know her and stuff... AND THEN SAY I LIKE YOU lol ...
god I'm getting cynical
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On November 23 2009 04:56 zOula... wrote:
Pretty much the same exact thing happened to me... i would have to walk by her house, see her around town with the new guy and everything... I say just try to forget her, honestly. I wouldnt contact her at all. All that stuff is just going to prolong the bad feelings and complicate everything. Anyway, just give it some time...it's gonna take a long time, but you will eventually start thinking about her less and less everyday, and finding yourself more interested in someone else. Just dont mope around or feel sorry for yourself in the meantime. These things happen. try to stay busy and social and have alot of fun with your friends
This.
Also, because I have no time to analyze this, I will leave you with the following:
1) She's on the rebound and needed someone to fill your void.
2) She was already falling for someone else while you two were in a relationship, and decided to let you off so she could be with this person. A woman whose been in a long relationship doesn't find someone so soon after unless they are #1.
In either case, fuck her. You can do better, don't worry about it. You're going to feel down and everything but I guess it's a part of being in love and that's the risk you take. Here's the cliche line; it's better to have loved than to not have loved at all (or something). In either case, you live and you learn. Use your experience to find yourself someone who isn't a little slut because god know's what goes through the mind of whores who can find replacements for people they "love" so quickly.
Seriously man, don't waste too many tears on her, she's probably not even bothered as much with you as you are with her.
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I can tell you flat out and honestly that you're going to be absolutely fine.
Not right now and maybe not for a while but pretty soon you'll be able to distance yourself from what you're feeling at the moment and look back at what happened with clarity rather than through a bleak haze of sadness and regret.
It doesn't sound like you threw anything away although it might feel like it to you. If you break up with someone and it's not 100% mutual then one person is going to be tearing themselves to pieces trying to figure out what went wrong and how they could have seen it coming, prevented it or fixed it and it makes things a lot worse if you're going through that whilst the other person is visibly moving on with their life.
It doesn't mean that you can't appreciate what you had with her or that it wasn't real in any way, just that sometimes things don't work out and they end.
I'm not going to tell you to cheer up and face the world with a smile, in a strange way I think it's right to be depressed and sad if you lose something you value but only for a while. It shows that you cared deeply for her and it's natural but there comes a point where you need to move away from that and make the changes in your life that allow you to do so.
Keep yourself occupied both physically and mentally, tire yourself out with work and anything that challenges you. Break any routines you have which you shared with her and limit anything that reminds you of her like music, films, books or shared activities.
Try very hard not to dwell on what she's doing and what's going on in her life at the moment. You are what's important and you matter so concentrate on sorting out the emotional clutter, taking a moment to sit in it and think "aww fuck" is fine as long as you tidy it away when you're done so you can make a start on finding things to do and enjoy.
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Hire a prostitute (Strafe?), hang out with the boys, get drunk, but for god's sake don't spend time alone blogging about it. Every minute spent alone is going to be spent in misery.
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On November 23 2009 05:26 fig_newbie wrote:
Hire a prostitute (Strafe?), hang out with the boys, get drunk, but for god's sake don't spend time alone blogging about it. Every minute spent alone is going to be spent in misery.
I did all that this weekend.
And god you are so right about minutes spent alone = misery lol...
Luckily I'm in ghent now with my fellow students ( but they still have to arrive )
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There really is no solution to this. Even if you go and have a good time, chances are you may not have a good time because you're too busy thinking about your ex. And even if you do, at the end of the day, you'll feel miserable because it's still bugging you.
The only real solution is just waiting it out, you'll slowly lose interest in her, I'm sure of it.
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Everything everyone here said so far, but do NOT stay home and play SC for the whole day. That will just make you feel even worse.
Try to keep yourself busy
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On November 23 2009 08:07 hahaimhenry wrote:
There really is no solution to this. Even if you go and have a good time, chances are you may not have a good time because you're too busy thinking about your ex. And even if you do, at the end of the day, you'll feel miserable because it's still bugging you.
The only real solution is just waiting it out, you'll slowly lose interest in her, I'm sure of it.
Doing new things will help prevent that. If an activity is old hat and routine, it might not be fun, but something new can really force you to put your energy into the activity and not have time to think about anything else.
Doing something new in general is a good way to improve quality of life 
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3861 Posts
What every one is saying is true. Time is the only thing that's gonna help you out, but don't wallow in your pain, go out and be with other people who care about you. It's at night that hurts the most, but try your best to continue being active in your life without her.
You're allowed to think about her, and in fact, your friends might get sick of you talking about her all the time. But it's all a part of the healing process... you'll be fine. Good luck~
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Belgium6771 Posts
My girlfriend and I broke up about 10 months ago after a relationship of 2 years. I can pretty certainly tell that she wasn't (and hasn't been) with another guy though, so I can't comment on that pain
but losing something like that is indeed quite painful. The things you have to realize are that
-You = you. Someone else won't make you 'whole', be strong for your own sake.
-It's probably her loss.
-Right now she's probably the only girl on your mind but soon enough you'll start awakening from a slumber. And if you think that 'there's no one else like her', I'll ask you the following question: do you think there's no other lifeform in the vastness of our universe? 3billion+ is a biiig number
-Ratio over emotions, at least thats my prescription for you right now
good luck bro
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I just read the op and it's terrible, I was in a similar situation last year with my ex girlfriend .
So I've got my own sort of problem and I guess this blog presented an opportunity and stops the spam of multiple girl blogs, I figured I would just post it in an already-existing girl blog.
I've been doing a study abroad since the summer and so I was trying online dating, and I have been talking to this girl for about two months now - everything has sort of escalated to the point I'm pretty sure she "likes" me and I was thinking I really liked her too. I've seen some pictures of her and stuff and I thought she was pretty cute, so I was super pumped. Problem is this, I've finally met her now that I'm back home and it turns out I'm not as attracted to her as I thought I was, although I had seen at least 20 pictures of her in the two months we've been talking, somehow I was kinda bummed when I actually got to meet her.
For me, looks are probably 50% of the equation in any type of relationship, I believe that you need to be attracted to a person physically in addition to having an emotional attraction. So my problem is that it has turned out that I'm not as attracted to her as I thought - the problem being that we've already progressed a certain degree in the two months that we had been talking, and we get along nicely and everything but I'm sort of "meh" on her appearance. It hasn't gotten to the point where I have asked her out yet, but I'm not sure what to do. I know I like her quite a bit, but I'm sort of scared to committ myself to something that I'm not positive I will be 100% with, especially how my last relationship ended.
So what can I do? Especially if I think she's way more into me than I am into her, I really don't want to break her heart or ruin her hopes and stuff like that because that would be really messed up of me, but at the same time I feel like I was part of this buildup that didn't pan out when we actually met and I feel a bit stuck.
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It took me about 1 year to "forget" my ex-gf but yeah just take your time. I never thought time will heal but in fact it does... what you can do in the meantime, is NOT destroy memorable items or symbolic things. After some time you will be able to look back and smile...
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oooh man
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EPT
