suicidal thoughts - Page 3

On January 22 2011 09:46 Haemonculus wrote:
"This is what I'm supposed to enjoy, right? This is what teenagers do. Why aren't I happy?

On January 22 2011 09:30 lux[chavii] wrote:
First I want to thank you all for the kind words. When I read threads like this and people wrote 'my condolences' I never thought that it would matter at all, but it actually does make me feel a little better. I'm glad I was wrong.

I do have hobbies, I played the guitar for 4 years (piano before that) I'm into music generally really, I'm a member of a football team and work out regularly, I do like to dance. It all just feels as it is not worth it ultimately.
Also I really like to find out what motivates people and why they react the way the react in human interaction. I read a lot about body language etc.
However I think humans are greedy and selfish, keeping people around them for reasons they benefit from, accept jobs they hate but get just a little bit more money, get into relationships because they want to be seen with that other good-looking person or just because they get satisfaction from being wanted by another attractive human.
I think if you work hard enough anything is possible, but to me there is no point in being alive in the first place. I don't think it would matter if I live or die.

The only thing I am proud of is, that (apparently, as people tell me) I helped my brother with a rather strong case of OCD in our teens, when our parents moved around a lot for work, and generally rather had work on their mind than family.

Edit: I don't want to burden my friends with MY thoughts and problems. We are all in a stage were we are finding out what we want to do with our lives (being 21), this is hard enough for me already. I couldn't stand the thought that they have to cope with the same things, but at the same time carry my problems on top of it. I'm really proud of my friends and what they have achieved so far, it doesn't seem fair that they are hampered by something I should be able to fully control on my own.
And as I said I don't really talk to my parents about things which deeply concern me. I think I have never spoken to them about that one girl I really liked in 7th grade, about my thoughts in going into music (they say they wouldn't care if I went to university but I feel they want me to. Both are academics themselves and professors on top of that), about my feelings towards my past. I just try to keep conversations to the boring everyday small talk.
Also I wouldn't feel comfortable talking to a doctor, I have problems letting people deep into my life already (like knowing personal stuff I care about). Talking to a stranger, who then gives me advice on my problems is like a no-no.

Edit2: I'm sure my friends would care, probably a great deal. Yet, I don't think it's fair that I weigh them down by my personal problems, which I don't even seem to know, while everybody else seems to be able to deal with theirs.
It makes me mad, that I'm apparently unable to do this on my own.

On January 22 2011 09:19 Lefnui wrote:

That is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard.

People commit suicide in order to die. That's what they want, it's a good thing to them.

On January 22 2011 12:08 Rayzorblade wrote:
I've been dealing with depression now for some time and I want to tell you, first, that you aren't alone. I also had suicidal thoughts and even spent some time in the hospital because I was quite close to doing it.

I advise you to get some help man. Or at the very least, find someone to talk to. I'd be willing. Someone I knew said something very insightful to me - at least in my opinion - about life: you've won the lottery and have the best reward, that is, the chance to be alive. Life itself is worth living for.

On January 22 2011 08:44 lux[chavii] wrote:
however for reasons I don't fully understand.

My parents are sort of wealthy, upper middle class and support me with a whole lot of money, I have a good social life and some really close friends, I'm decent looking and have success with the ladies, yet I keep on thinking 'I would be really sweet if that car would just lose control and ran me over.'

I'm not thinking about harming myself (not yet anyways), but I just think sometimes it would be nice to die through an accident or something along those lines.

Though I talk to my parents nearly on a daily basis, I talk about stuff which does not concern me, let alone things I really care about. They pressure me to find out what I wanna do with my life, however I'm not even sure if I really want to find out in the first place. I just feel so down most of the time when being alone. I try to mask it when I'm around people to not show my actually feelings, thus I'm known for being funny and outgoing, but on the inside it's the other way 'round.
I talk to friends about stuff, which I have care about, share hobbies with etc, but at the same time I don't want them to worry or wear them down by my thoughts, as they don't deserve that.

I'm not sure if I should seek help and if the answer is yes, if I want to seek help.
Also I'm not exactly sure why I post this, but it's definitely a good feeling to vent at an unknown entity as an anonymous.

On January 22 2011 12:20 eLiE wrote:


That's a pretty baller way of thinking about it too

On January 22 2011 12:35 luckyseven wrote:
you should be able to distinguish between suicidal thoughts in depression from suicidal thoughts that you might have in a curious or perverted nature

its totally okay to have sick and fucked up thoughts as a sort of curiosity or "sick" pleasure or fantasy. enjoy them, theyre part of who people are. dont worry about it, this is the age of the internet where friends joke about raping people and look at anime pictures of women with their breasts cut off and being fucked up the eyeball for fun.

but if you decide you're actually borderline psychotic or on the edge of mental control in that you feel that you could actually pursue these sick thoughts, then you should definately seek medical help for depression (just get some tablets, you'll feel a little bit better to begin with just for having them). absolutely stay away from alcohol if this is the case, and immediately join a gym(!)

On January 22 2011 10:18 Haemonculus wrote:

This is exactly the sort of arrogance that bothers me about religious folk, (or some of them at least).

We have plenty of religion threads around here. Please keep it to yourself.