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however for reasons I don't fully understand.
My parents are sort of wealthy, upper middle class and support me with a whole lot of money, I have a good social life and some really close friends, I'm decent looking and have success with the ladies, yet I keep on thinking 'I would be really sweet if that car would just lose control and ran me over.'
I'm not thinking about harming myself (not yet anyways), but I just think sometimes it would be nice to die through an accident or something along those lines.
Though I talk to my parents nearly on a daily basis, I talk about stuff which does not concern me, let alone things I really care about. They pressure me to find out what I wanna do with my life, however I'm not even sure if I really want to find out in the first place. I just feel so down most of the time when being alone. I try to mask it when I'm around people to not show my actually feelings, thus I'm known for being funny and outgoing, but on the inside it's the other way 'round.
I talk to friends about stuff, which I have care about, share hobbies with etc, but at the same time I don't want them to worry or wear them down by my thoughts, as they don't deserve that.
I'm not sure if I should seek help and if the answer is yes, if I want to seek help.
Also I'm not exactly sure why I post this, but it's definitely a good feeling to vent at an unknown entity as an anonymous.
 
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On January 22 2011 08:44 lux[chavii] wrote:
Is it just me or is this post empty ?
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I think it's pretty common to be in the position of not knowing what to do. Eventually, you should be able to find something that'll interest you. Sounds cliche, but it's just how it usually goes. 
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So, why do you feel the way you feel?
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On January 22 2011 08:55 travis wrote:
So, why do you feel the way you feel?
This is what confuses me. I don't enjoy my life and yet I cannot tell you why, I mean judging by and outsider my life should be the way it should no?
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I feel the same way Lux, have been for years now. Only difference is, I'm unemployed, look terrible IRL and have only had meager success with the ladies. My parents don't understand and I really don't care explaining it to them either, because they'd either tell me to suck it up or tell me to seek professional help. I just tend to the bite the bullet and show everyone that I'm okay even though on the inside it's a completely different story. When someone asks am I doing okay, I just tend to answer that shit's okay.
I share your feelings about it being cool if something happened when you were out, like getting run over by a car or something. I find it fun toying with my own mind to see how it reacts. And occassionally I get suicidal thoughts but I know I'm too much of a pussy to do anything about it. Sleeping usually clears my head, so does the internet. So far, I've haven't had any serious problems for a few years now but I know I still suffer from depression regardless.
My suggestion is, find something to keep you occupied and don't let your mind take over or you'll overthink shit and that'll just cause all the negativity to surface.
-Raktavijan
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Sometimes people feel and think things they have no logical reason to think or feel. I recommend talking to your doctor or another trusted adult about it. Everyone has shit to deal with.
One thing I noticed is that you listed a lot of things one would expect would make them happy, yet you're not. Clearly you're not doing the things that make you happy.
Another thing I want to point out is that while it's disturbing to realize and contemplate one's own mortality, it's actually normal.
Who have you tried talking to about this?
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Maybe you need to find something or someone that makes your life more enjoyable.
For instance, I found I really enjoyed playing guitar (I suck at it, but have lots of of fun playing). When I get mad at my parents, or anything else really, I just practice. Music can really help, imo.
Try looking around for some hobbies you think you would enjoy.
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On January 22 2011 08:58 lux[chavii] wrote:This is what confuses me. I don't enjoy my life and yet I cannot tell you why, I mean judging by and outsider my life should be the way it should no?
Some people just have hormone imbalances and it's not their fault. You should consult a doctor or a therapist. Chances are you can get help relatively easily and go back to living a normal happy life. You could even do it without medication if you want, therapy is extremely powerful. Think about it and GL ^_^
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Something I've found over the years is that perception and internal biology has as much effect on mood as what is actually happening to us externally. I've felt great in awful circumstances and awful in great circumstances. If these feelings are ongoing, you should definitely talk to a professional about them.
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Honestly, I think most people are like this inside. Some people find one thing that makes them truly, honestly happy, but I don't think it happens for the majority. You just need to have as much fun as possible, and spend your time honestly. You have to realise that humans haven't lived like this (urban, postindustrial) for a long time. It's OK for us to struggle with it.
Read this: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122178211966454607.html Sadly DFW ended up killing himself, because his depression was that grave. But I think most people can survive, especially taking advice like his.
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Maybe you could, live the life someone else live, to make you realize how good your life is, compared to others. Like work for some random ONG who might need some volunteers, or maybe some exchange program.
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one of the most common causes of suicidal thoughts, is the fact that you feel "unsatisfied". now the question is, are you satisfied with your life? you say you are considerably successful. possibly something you did in your early life? whatever the situation maybe, I think if you nearly contemplate suicide, lets say get a rope loop, and then not do it, PLEASE don't do it and go get help. really, it's bad enough that people are depressed in this world, myself being depressed many times, but get help.
Otherwise, try keeping yourself busy with things that make you happy, if starcraft is one of them. get the good stuff first, and put away that bad stuff.
-KT.FaTe
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On January 22 2011 08:58 lux[chavii] wrote:This is what confuses me. I don't enjoy my life and yet I cannot tell you why, I mean judging by and outsider my life should be the way it should no?
Are you sure? Are you being totally honest with yourself? Or maybe you just aren't aware of some things about yourself?
What kind of view do you have towards life? What's your general philosophy in living your life? What is the point of being alive to you?
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This is my first post here on TeamLiquid, so please forgive me if I am replying to a private matter as a complete stranger. I couldn't help myself because your post resonated with me.
I don't think that is strange, Lux. I used to feel similarly even though, "tangibly" (the things I could tell people about), I was in a seemingly great situation. I remember feeling a lot of anger / rage / melancholy and I didn't really know why. Everything was great, or at least not troublesome, right?
I got into a car accident that left me scarred all over my body, and people would ask if I was okay. The thing is, somewhere inside, I remember feeling quite relieved that I crashed that day. Finally, it was "okay" to feel anger / rage / melancholy over something that was more "tangible" to other people. I could point at my scars when people would ask and people would agree that I had a tough experience. I felt that I now "belonged" to the group of people that were "allowed" to hurt inside.
The thing is, it is okay to feel the way that you feel. You do not need to get into an accident or anything in order to feel the way that you do. I am not sure if any of this makes sense, but if you feel a need to talk or anything, please feel free to PM me. Cheers!
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Maybe you feel like you have no purpose or don't contribute anything since your parents are giving you money. What do you do for work/school? Ever do anything charitable?
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Here is a reason not to kill yourself:
You will die.
I know you know that...but just think a bit about it...use the brain that you will cease to have....
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If you think of anything you would post on an internet forum as "suicidal thoughts" then you should play it safe and talk to someone. I don't necessarily mean therapist someone, but if I were you I'd give the suicide hotline a call. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ . I've had a few friends who have used that resource when feeling similar to you and they say it helped a lot.
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Don't be afraid to share your problems with other people. IMO, the worst thing you can do is think that you have to bear your problems by yourself. Everyone needs help and friends should be able to help their friends through difficult times. Talking about your problems will also help you to cope with them. And the doctor is your friend too, don't be afraid to be forced into a drug solution, that's a last, last resort after all else has failed. They'll probably be able to get you counselling sessions with a therapist, who can also help you to work out your problems.
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EPT
