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During the beginning of my sophomore year in high school, I wrote this poem:
A young boy chose his instrument of choice Not knowing that one day it would become the voice Of reason His skills improving every season Trying to get better for many days So that someone will listen when he plays
He becomes good Just as he should He has ambition to become the best To be better than all the rest But the only thing standing in his way Are the people who say: “You just plain suck You’re out of luck You can’t be the best So just give it a rest You won’t be good, there is certainly no way That people will listen when you play”
That’s when he drew the line Things just weren't fine He wanted to so badly just to prove them wrong So he kept practicing till his skills became strong When it was finally time for them to see They heard him play and they could all agree That his skills gave the crowd one heck of a buzz But what they really didn’t see was:
they wait on his every note, every phrase listening to the beauty of his improving ways he says “The crowds mine listening to the divine sound coming from my horn all other melodies torn by the melody being the only remedy to the slump of music in this modern day so that’s why they listen when I play”
As you may or may not know, I play saxophone in my school's concert band/jazz band. During the end of my freshman year and beginning of my sophomore year, I started receiving a lot of crap from people and was being bashed about my ability (this was before i got into the jazz band). This poem I wrote partially because I needed a way to blow off some steam from all that was happening.
I decided to post it here in order see what you guys think. I know it doesn't have the best rhythm flow and that some of it sounds kinda awkward, but this is something i spent around 15 minutes working on, and i didn't really care too much about about the mechanics of the poem itself.
Feedback/criticism would be appreciated. =)
whew...400 posts @_@
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I liked it , but for a second I thought it was about laddering on ICCup lol.
And it also sounds more like a rap but that's just me (-tor).
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Wow, that was really good. It was loosing a little rhythm I guess but I didn't really notice. I have no real rhythm so I can't sing/ read poetry =p So I can't really say anything about that. The words though were really good. Congrats on 400 ^_^
edit:Yah I can see how that is like ICCup. It sounded like your instrument would be the keyboard and your song SC haha
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On May 14 2010 10:04 M155_G33k wrote:Wow, that was really good. It was loosing a little rhythm I guess but I didn't really notice. I have no real rhythm so I can't sing/ read poetry =p So I can't really say anything about that. The words though were really good. Congrats on 400 ^_^ edit:Yah I can see how that is like ICCup. It sounded like your instrument would be the keyboard and your song SC haha
hah yeah, when i read the first couple of stanzas, i realized that it could sound like it relates to starcraft XD but the last part kinda shows that i was talking about music, lol
and thanks =)
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Yah further down, it is obvisous you are taking about music. I had my sister (who is a drummer and likes to write poetry... -.-) look at this too and she loved it. She said to "look closer to the rhythm in the third stanza because it is a little choppy and doesn't flow man..." Her words not mine lol I swear sometimes she is high.... *rolling eyes* haha
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It's all good man. I'm a musician a bit older myself..
Try to find the reasons inside , that way, your confidence will never be shaken. I study at university and there are better players than me, but I am never bothered.
A real martial artist doesn't study to beat up people, but to find the mental strength to take himself to the limits , and to calm the mind.
This is why I play.
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Ahh... Great poem o.o However, I must admit I don't play instruments, so I can't really give any good feedback D:
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