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Hello everyone and welcome to my first blog. I like to write about things happening in my life or just random ideas that I'm thinking about and thought I would finally make a blog on Teamliquid.
This is a story from a few days ago.
Have you ever tried to have a very polite conversation with someone but you come across very poorly or say something that is misunderstood creating tension or argument? I had one of these conversations the other day.
I met this girl online a couple months ago and we started dating recently. Like I assume many other TL members to be, I have some very poor social skills sometimes. We're nerds right? It makes sense. Plus, this is (or was? I don't know) my first girlfriend so maybe I'm expected to make mistakes?
Anyway, I thought it would be a cool idea to find a gamer girlfriend, you know? Someone that likes to play video games and stuff. It's like Netflix and Chill but you don't have to watch a shitty movie. You just play some awesome video game. Minecraft and Chill? Yes please. The only problem was she doesn't really play video games.
Well, I do. I can convince her to try them right?
I thought this was the perfect way to frame the conversation:
I start out saying it's important. I then say she's a great girlfriend so she doesn't get nervous or anything. I then talk about something important to me and want to share it with her (not force, she can say no). Next I relate to a hobby of hers that I don't enjoy but do appreciate. Finally, I reiterate it's importance and try to accommodate her busy schedule.
What could go wrong?
I told her this:
Jessica, we need to have an important talk. You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty. I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
She was very mad. I thought it out perfectly.
She's not talking to me right now. How can I explain I meant it nicely? Am I just dumb? LOL
Anyone wanna play Mario Kart? girls are weird.
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... it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime.
Everything went downhill after this part.
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On February 18 2017 04:28 ninazerg wrote:
lol what the hell?
is something wrong?
On February 18 2017 04:43 KtheZ wrote:Everything went downhill after this part.
what do u mean
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On February 18 2017 04:43 KtheZ wrote:Everything went downhill after this part.
Yeah, and very steep downhill! Or maybe a freefall would be more fitting word.
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On February 18 2017 04:04 Carnations wrote:
I met this girl online a couple months ago and we started dating recently. Like I assume many other TL members to be, I have some very poor social skills sometimes. We're nerds right? It makes sense. Plus, this is (or was? I don't know) my first girlfriend so maybe I'm expected to make mistakes?
being a salesman and entrepreneur my social skills are fucking phenomenal
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you nailed that for sure #swag I think #bigthangspoppin for your relationship w/ jessica
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Hello Carnations!
Just to go through it quickly:
Jessica, we need to have an important talk. You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty. I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
One I would phase it as something more relax. I wouldnt have open with "we need to have an important talk." and more something on the lines of more just general. A course this a moot point the grand aspect of it.
Your biggest problem with that message was this: I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule? [/u] The problem with this post is (IMO) your telling jessica that you value your hobbies more then her. This is due to you stating that your willing to end the relationship over it. Its very likely that given the fact she doesn't play them now, she might have a issue or just dont find games interesting. Therefore, saying that you are going to break up with her over something she sees as trivial or not important as much as making sure the two of you are happy together prob. upset her.
Your "anecdote" of her hobby is a bit of a stretch as and well.....um...lets just look at it.
I don't like to wear make-up but[u] I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty.
1) Shes not trying to make you put on makeup. This is unlike your case where you want her to take on your hobby. But more importantly...
2) You worded it to where it easily can come off as a insult. I know (since I had troubles with dating lol) what you meant to say there, but how you worded it sounds like you dont think shes pretty or fine without makeup on. The "I really appreciate" makes it sound like you think shes ugly and you need the makeup on her face. See the problem?
When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
I understand as well what you were aiming at here, but this only makes you sound cocky and that you dont really care about her and her stance on it. Here, you practically tell her that your going to force it onto her even if she is a bit uncomfortable with it. Leave the "And what are you going to do to fix X" sayings out of it.
Overall I would of edit it as (tho i prob not the best at it  also dont know her personally so)
Jessica, I want to talk to you about something. You're a really good girlfriend, and Im really thankful and happy dating you blah blah blah. As you know, I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing. It would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I want to share it with you because it means a lot to me, but I dont want to act like im forcing it onto you. How do you feel about it?"
A course you have the problem of what to do now. Given your post, you really have two options.
Try to make it work with her or break up with her because gaming is something you really want in your relationship.
Its your first time dating, and tbh, its very unlikely that you fully know what you want out of that special someone before you start dating. If gaming is something that must have for you, she might not be able to provide it to you. If she means a lot to you though, I wouldn't let it get in the way of your relationship. Hobbies are different for people for a reason, and she might just not like them.
If you go the route of wanting to keep the relationship, keep stressing what you meant to say. Then listen to why she is mad and go from there.
If you want to break up with her, do it respectfully. You both open your hearts up to one another and neither of them deserves to be hurt more then needs too.
You will know which one you want to make.
girls are weird.
Correction, dating is weird.
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On February 18 2017 05:00 Carnations wrote:is something wrong?
This part:
Jessica, we need to have an important talk. You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty. I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
This sounds like something you would say if you were injected with a truth-serum in a comedy movie. If you wrote this as a "troll blog", ya got me. I got trolled. If you didn't write this as a troll-blog, I would highly recommend at least pretending that this was a joke.
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This seems more like a joke than a sincere problem but I'll indulge.
Your premise was fine, actually it seemed pretty normal but how you phrased it was so completely off... Actually it's so inconsistent with how you described what you wanted to say that it starts to seem like you're being insincere (and in part why it comes off as a joke instead of something that actually happened).
Next I relate to a hobby of hers that I don't enjoy but do appreciate.
Ok, not a terrible idea, especially if you actually do something for her of that sort.
I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty.
This is a terrible comparison... her playing videogames with you is not equivalent to her putting make-up on. Her putting make-up on has nothing to do with you doing anything for her.
If you're not trying to force you're not gonna say:
I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies.
Of course she can say "no" but you're riding the whole relationship on it with an ultimatum and worse you follow up with:
When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
Which shows you're trying to push a commitment out of her, this is about as forceful as you can get.
Really if you only just said:
You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime.
That'd have been fine.
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On February 18 2017 09:38 ninazerg wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2017 05:00 Carnations wrote:On February 18 2017 04:28 ninazerg wrote:
lol what the hell? is something wrong? This part: Show nested quote +
Jessica, we need to have an important talk. You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty. I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
This sounds like something you would say if you were injected with a truth-serum in a comedy movie. If you wrote this as a "troll blog", ya got me. I got trolled. If you didn't write this as a troll-blog, I would highly recommend at least pretending that this was a joke.
I'm sorry if I offended you. I don't socialize often. You are correct though, I do try to be an honest person.
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And to think I thought I was the daft one....
Ma! Look, read this! There's hope fer me yet, ma!
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On February 18 2017 11:32 Carnations wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2017 09:38 ninazerg wrote:On February 18 2017 05:00 Carnations wrote:On February 18 2017 04:28 ninazerg wrote:
lol what the hell? is something wrong? This part:
Jessica, we need to have an important talk. You're a really good girlfriend, but... I really enjoy playing video games and although it's maybe not something you enjoy doing, it would be great if I could share my hobby with you sometime. I don't like to wear make-up but I really appreciate that you put makeup on since it makes you look pretty. I am willing to consider ending this relationship if you don't take interest in my hobbies. When are you able to fit Mario Kart into your schedule?
This sounds like something you would say if you were injected with a truth-serum in a comedy movie. If you wrote this as a "troll blog", ya got me. I got trolled. If you didn't write this as a troll-blog, I would highly recommend at least pretending that this was a joke. I'm sorry if I offended you. I don't socialize often. You are correct though, I do try to be an honest person.
You didn't offend me. Your girlfriend, on the other hand...
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Wow. That was... Wow. And you're actually surprised she took it badly ?
O_O
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Northern Ireland22203 Posts
these blogs are the best part of tl tbh
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once you start telling ur gf u r just willing to settle for a hand job on saturday night... she knows its the beginning of the end.
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this shit is only acceptable if you're ~14y/o.
if you are, live and learn. how you perceive and interact with other people will hopefully grow. this was a poor first attempt.
if you're not, dive real deep into those video games. it's your best option.
On February 18 2017 06:18 JimmyJRaynor wrote:Show nested quote +On February 18 2017 04:04 Carnations wrote:
I met this girl online a couple months ago and we started dating recently. Like I assume many other TL members to be, I have some very poor social skills sometimes. We're nerds right? It makes sense. Plus, this is (or was? I don't know) my first girlfriend so maybe I'm expected to make mistakes? being a salesman and entrepreneur my social skills are fucking phenomenal
On February 21 2017 00:10 JimmyJRaynor wrote:
once you start telling ur gf u r just willing to settle for a hand job on saturday night... she knows its the beginning of the end.
🤔
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Yeah, I fucked up. I understand. that's kinda the whole point of the post. it's something funny that happened to me.
we played mario kart tho and it was fun.
until she blue shelled me.
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On February 21 2017 11:38 Carnations wrote:
until she blue shelled me.
oh sh...
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Glad to hear it all went kinda ok (?).
On February 21 2017 11:38 Carnations wrote:
[...] until she blue shelled me.
Daaamn, that's harsh. Nobody deserves the blue shell.
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EPT
