1. There is quite a bit of swearing in this post. If you're offended by it, or don't want your boss or anything to see a fuck-word on the screen, you shouldn't read this post.
2. All comments made about Tastosis, the players, the fans, and the game are made in satiric jest. I have absolutely nothing but respect and admiration for the aforementioned things, and I do not intend people to take these jokes seriously.
3. This post was edited after the finals. I removed a couple of the more offensive (and less funny) jokes, cleaned up my spelling and grammar, and condensed posts (the Word Document went from 12 pages to about 7.
That being said, enjoy!
GSL Finals LR:
Pre-game:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 3:33:08 AM] : The camera focuses on FXOLeenock-- the focus on his chubby little face is absolute. As he sits, breathing heavily, and probably snorting a little bit, calming himself for the big match, there is a certain pleading in his eyes. He is asking the world for something—for a chance, a break, an ability to change the world… but how?
[12/3/2011 3:33:51 AM] : Jjakji sits, staring at the camera, pointing, and looking like the Asian gangster from the Hangover. His nerd-jacket gleams in the light like the shining coat of a sea-otter—gracefully dancing through the waves, and playfully snapping at fish, willing them to climb into his gaping maw and nourish his hungered belly— as he intently focuses his gaze upon the screen. The camera zooms in on his biological case of the crazy-eyes. Boy, does he look weird.
[12/3/2011 3:35:05 AM] : So now, the match will soon begin. The championship between the young and the... slightly younger: the large vs the lean, the frog vs the fraught. The camera spars across the audience, showing a lot of uncomfortable Korean faces and three obnoxious foreigners, clearly Americans; their screams seem to burst the ear-drums of the surrounding Koreans, who sit, angrily, surreptitiously calling Kim Jong Il’s secret police before realizing that this is South Korea, and there are no secret police here.
Oh, Uncle Sam, the irony! They irony!
[12/3/2011 3:33:51 AM] : Jjakji sits, staring at the camera, pointing, and looking like the Asian gangster from the Hangover. His nerd-jacket gleams in the light like the shining coat of a sea-otter—gracefully dancing through the waves, and playfully snapping at fish, willing them to climb into his gaping maw and nourish his hungered belly— as he intently focuses his gaze upon the screen. The camera zooms in on his biological case of the crazy-eyes. Boy, does he look weird.
[12/3/2011 3:35:05 AM] : So now, the match will soon begin. The championship between the young and the... slightly younger: the large vs the lean, the frog vs the fraught. The camera spars across the audience, showing a lot of uncomfortable Korean faces and three obnoxious foreigners, clearly Americans; their screams seem to burst the ear-drums of the surrounding Koreans, who sit, angrily, surreptitiously calling Kim Jong Il’s secret police before realizing that this is South Korea, and there are no secret police here.
Oh, Uncle Sam, the irony! They irony!
Game 1:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 3:36:16 AM] : The first match begins. The SCVs begin mining minerals as jjakji, their benevolent leader, commands them to work harder for the motherland.
[12/3/2011 3:37:32 AM] : The chubby Overmind seems intent on destruction, and in the most brilliant move of horrifying aggression, Leenock's drones begin to rob the planet of her natural resources on Tal'Darim Altar.
[12/3/2011 3:37:46 AM] : Jjakji’s standard 12 barracks, 13 refinery is made better only by the knowledge that it was built through the hard work of the entire commune, and that no one person deserves more credit than another… except jjakji, because he is the leader.
[12/3/2011 3:37:49 AM] : As Leenock builds a 15 hatchery first for Zerg, the Scorpion in Leenock's expansion glistens as it swims gracefully in what clearly is Zerg placenta.
[12/3/2011 3:38:39 AM] : As jjakji flawlessly executes a communist-reactor hellion opening, the pool just finishes for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 3:39:19 AM] : Two marines find a nasty, gross-looking Overlord, clearly bloated with a combination of bile and puke, in the sky. They smirk at one another in a slightly sexual manner, and shoot it down from the sky.
[12/3/2011 3:39:51 AM] : 2 hellions, also gay, are moving across the map. The gay communist hellions are maintaining map control, patrolling like guards made of metal, rubber, and flame. As they patrol the sacred grounds of Tal’Darim Altar, desecrating its holiness with their ungodly love, they promise to each other never to leave.
[12/3/2011 3:40:39 AM] : Two queens use their girth to block the natural for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 3:40:58 AM] : As Stim is half way done, a 3rd CC is on the way for Jjakji, hidden like a bear in the wilderness, watching and waiting for his prey to drop its guard.
[12/3/2011 3:42:29 AM] : The ethereal voices of The Xel'Naga gods-- perhaps they were once archons, perhaps they have always merely been the divine-- begin talking of the good old days-- the days wherein the zerg battled over control of the broods. One might even call it ... a brood war o.O They speak of how Terrans built CCs (and, in the case of Tasteless—I mean… one of the Xel’Naga gods—Nexi) behind the minerals to hide it.
[12/3/2011 3:43:49 AM] : There are 5 communist hellions maintaining a map control as the Red army pushes out. There's a Zergling counter attack, but there's a beautiful depot raise and the horrified Zerglings all burn alive, fire melting their insides into delicious, delicious goo. The communist Terran cheer for the brave comrades, excited to eat non-toxic meat for a change.
[12/3/2011 3:44:24 AM] : 5 Hellion comrades give their lives for the motherland. Mutalisks are on the way. Jjakji fakes a push, and then pulls back
[12/3/2011 3:44:58 AM] : 130 supply to 100 in favor of terran. This is actually super cool. Leenock takes two expansions, and jjakji is starting his 4th. Meanwhile, the sneakiest Zerg on all of Tal’Darim prepares a ling counter attack.
[12/3/2011 3:46:18 AM] : Jjakji, the king of gay, communist units, has tw thors on the way. He has +1 vehicle weapons, and +1/+2 infantry. There are 71 SCVs to 75 Drones. Leenock has +2 melee for his adorable little Zergies and +1 Flyer attack. He also, like his communist opponent, operates in pairs: a second spire on the way. Jjakji scans burrowed Banelings like a boss.
[12/3/2011 3:47:36 AM] : 180 zerg 200 terran
[12/3/2011 3:47:49 AM] : There’s a Zergling counter attack as Mutalisks catch a drop. Jjakji goes straight for the 4th, and loses quite a few marines to burrowed Banelings. There’s a Zergling counter attack, but it’s well-defended. Leenock loses his 4th base.
[12/3/2011 3:48:51 AM] : The supplies are even; both players are maxed. 2/2 flyer is on the way for Leenock. Jjakji has +2 vehicle weapons and +2/+3 infantry upgrades.
[12/3/2011 3:49:35 AM] : Leenock cleans up another drop. Holy God! Leenock has 9001 Mutalisks. There’s a 5th base on the way for Leenock. Leenock now up 10 supply—200/190. Leenock gets a free drop. A Hive on the way.
[12/3/2011 3:51:31 AM] : The Red Army bravely sits on the map, doing jack shit while more comrade Medivacs die. Leenock counter attacks. Leenock's Mutalisk flock just sort of kills a CC.
[12/3/2011 3:52:31 AM] : Leenock has a lot of money, and so does jjakji. There’s a Zergling counter attack.
[12/3/2011 3:52:48 AM] : Leenock, with the grace of a majestic bull-elephant, moves around the map like fucking tiger, mauling all of the deer… and buffalo… and shit in his way, and cutting them into perfect 16 ounce venison flanks and buffalo steaks. This kid goes so fucking hard in the paint that he forces his Zerglings to eat other Zerglings. That’s right, he forces his Zerglings to be cannibals because he’s such a fucking badass.
[12/3/2011 3:53:14 AM] : Jjakji can’t do anything about Leenock’s map control. He double Medivac drops 16 Marines at Leenocks 6th base, and two burrowed Banelings kill all of them except Joe. Joe escapes with nothing but his life and a newfound love of God.
[12/3/2011 3:53:26 AM] : Infestors are out, and 3/3 flyer is on the way for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 3:53:46 AM] : Jjakji has really cute plays, but there are more sick Baneling hits—so many burrowed banelings.
[12/3/2011 3:54:19 AM] : 200/200
[12/3/2011 3:54:24 AM] : 3/3 melee upgrades for Zerg. Mutalisks pick off the ghost academy, and the morale is felt for the motherland. Jjakji sits in his commanding chair, thinking passively of his own schooling in the Motherland. He reflects on his teacher, Comrade Ivanovich. She was a mean old hag, who was borderline psychopathic, and beat jjakji every time he wrote any letter other than “j,” “a,” “k,” or “i.” Jjakji swore upon leaving his communist Ghost Academy that when he was in charge, that woman would fucking hang for her bullshit.
[12/3/2011 3:54:59 AM] : Leenock has a Greater Spire on the way. There is insanely good map movement by Leenock. He mercilessly throws away some Zerglings to make room for Brood Lords. Leenock doesn’t even fucking blink—no way in hell is he going to send a letter to those Zergling’s families. Fuck them. Leenock chuckles as he reflects on these thoughts.
[12/3/2011 3:56:15 AM] : Leenock takes out a base, and it’s 200/170 in Zerg’s favor. Leenock is so... fucking... good. Jjakji has good map movement now because Zerg has the slow, deadly army. I've never gotten nerd chils before. I watched MarineKing vs Kyrix live, and I didn't get nerd chills. I'm fucking shaking right now.
[12/3/2011 3:57:54 AM] : There are two mining base for jjakji, and two-and-a-half mining for Leenock. Leenock moves out with Queens underneath Brood Lords for transfusions. Terran is putting snipes on Brood Lords, and Terran wins engagement, but Leenock keeps Banelings.
[12/3/2011 3:58:27 AM] : There’s a Mutalisk counter attack. Mutalisks just pick off a base. Another drop from jjakji. Leenock has adrenal glands on the way. Leenock finally finds the hidden third base.
[12/3/2011 3:59:25 AM] : Jjakji is dropping more. Banelings right click on a Planetary Fortress and blow it up.
[12/3/2011 3:59:53 AM] : o.O Leenock accidently sets off all his Banelings…like... 20 Banelings O.O
[12/3/2011 4:00:21 AM] : 180/180 supply
[12/3/2011 4:00:50 AM] : There are Siege Tanks on the high ground at Leenock’s 2 o’clock expansion. Nobody has anything mining.
[12/3/2011 4:01:22 AM] : There’s 1 mining base for Terran, and there’s no mining base for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:01:31 AM] : 200 zerg 190 terran
[12/3/2011 4:02:12 AM] : There’s an engagement. Vikings are dying. There are not enough to deal with Brood Lords now. Jjakji’s Ghosts are just getting cloak. There’s 1 mining base for Leenock, and another on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:03:01 AM] : There’s an engagement. There are massive EMPs and Snipes. Banelings kill a few Ghosts. The Mutalisks are dying. Brood Lords are attacking but there just aren’t enough of them left.
[12/3/2011 4:03:22 AM] : Leenock ggs.
[12/3/2011 4:03:32 AM] : The heroic Jjakji applauds his comrades, speaking affluently of women and wine, and cursing the lives of the capitalist dog-zerglings and their free market devilishness.
[12/3/2011 4:04:28 AM] : The cute, chubby Zerg sits in Leenshock (works cited: Artosis), disbelief etched on every one of his chins.
[12/3/2011 4:06:50 AM] : As the Communist Marines return to their home planet however, there is no happy ending. The Communists cannot go here nor there without seeing the horrors of Tal'Darim Altar again. They wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming about the disease, the claws, and the horrific acid obliterating their comrades. Many of them start using Stim recreationally, and it is said that none of them lived past thirty-five.
I've seen some shit, man.
[12/3/2011 3:37:32 AM] : The chubby Overmind seems intent on destruction, and in the most brilliant move of horrifying aggression, Leenock's drones begin to rob the planet of her natural resources on Tal'Darim Altar.
[12/3/2011 3:37:46 AM] : Jjakji’s standard 12 barracks, 13 refinery is made better only by the knowledge that it was built through the hard work of the entire commune, and that no one person deserves more credit than another… except jjakji, because he is the leader.
[12/3/2011 3:37:49 AM] : As Leenock builds a 15 hatchery first for Zerg, the Scorpion in Leenock's expansion glistens as it swims gracefully in what clearly is Zerg placenta.
[12/3/2011 3:38:39 AM] : As jjakji flawlessly executes a communist-reactor hellion opening, the pool just finishes for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 3:39:19 AM] : Two marines find a nasty, gross-looking Overlord, clearly bloated with a combination of bile and puke, in the sky. They smirk at one another in a slightly sexual manner, and shoot it down from the sky.
[12/3/2011 3:39:51 AM] : 2 hellions, also gay, are moving across the map. The gay communist hellions are maintaining map control, patrolling like guards made of metal, rubber, and flame. As they patrol the sacred grounds of Tal’Darim Altar, desecrating its holiness with their ungodly love, they promise to each other never to leave.
[12/3/2011 3:40:39 AM] : Two queens use their girth to block the natural for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 3:40:58 AM] : As Stim is half way done, a 3rd CC is on the way for Jjakji, hidden like a bear in the wilderness, watching and waiting for his prey to drop its guard.
[12/3/2011 3:42:29 AM] : The ethereal voices of The Xel'Naga gods-- perhaps they were once archons, perhaps they have always merely been the divine-- begin talking of the good old days-- the days wherein the zerg battled over control of the broods. One might even call it ... a brood war o.O They speak of how Terrans built CCs (and, in the case of Tasteless—I mean… one of the Xel’Naga gods—Nexi) behind the minerals to hide it.
[12/3/2011 3:43:49 AM] : There are 5 communist hellions maintaining a map control as the Red army pushes out. There's a Zergling counter attack, but there's a beautiful depot raise and the horrified Zerglings all burn alive, fire melting their insides into delicious, delicious goo. The communist Terran cheer for the brave comrades, excited to eat non-toxic meat for a change.
[12/3/2011 3:44:24 AM] : 5 Hellion comrades give their lives for the motherland. Mutalisks are on the way. Jjakji fakes a push, and then pulls back
[12/3/2011 3:44:58 AM] : 130 supply to 100 in favor of terran. This is actually super cool. Leenock takes two expansions, and jjakji is starting his 4th. Meanwhile, the sneakiest Zerg on all of Tal’Darim prepares a ling counter attack.
[12/3/2011 3:46:18 AM] : Jjakji, the king of gay, communist units, has tw thors on the way. He has +1 vehicle weapons, and +1/+2 infantry. There are 71 SCVs to 75 Drones. Leenock has +2 melee for his adorable little Zergies and +1 Flyer attack. He also, like his communist opponent, operates in pairs: a second spire on the way. Jjakji scans burrowed Banelings like a boss.
[12/3/2011 3:47:36 AM] : 180 zerg 200 terran
[12/3/2011 3:47:49 AM] : There’s a Zergling counter attack as Mutalisks catch a drop. Jjakji goes straight for the 4th, and loses quite a few marines to burrowed Banelings. There’s a Zergling counter attack, but it’s well-defended. Leenock loses his 4th base.
[12/3/2011 3:48:51 AM] : The supplies are even; both players are maxed. 2/2 flyer is on the way for Leenock. Jjakji has +2 vehicle weapons and +2/+3 infantry upgrades.
[12/3/2011 3:49:35 AM] : Leenock cleans up another drop. Holy God! Leenock has 9001 Mutalisks. There’s a 5th base on the way for Leenock. Leenock now up 10 supply—200/190. Leenock gets a free drop. A Hive on the way.
[12/3/2011 3:51:31 AM] : The Red Army bravely sits on the map, doing jack shit while more comrade Medivacs die. Leenock counter attacks. Leenock's Mutalisk flock just sort of kills a CC.
[12/3/2011 3:52:31 AM] : Leenock has a lot of money, and so does jjakji. There’s a Zergling counter attack.
[12/3/2011 3:52:48 AM] : Leenock, with the grace of a majestic bull-elephant, moves around the map like fucking tiger, mauling all of the deer… and buffalo… and shit in his way, and cutting them into perfect 16 ounce venison flanks and buffalo steaks. This kid goes so fucking hard in the paint that he forces his Zerglings to eat other Zerglings. That’s right, he forces his Zerglings to be cannibals because he’s such a fucking badass.
[12/3/2011 3:53:14 AM] : Jjakji can’t do anything about Leenock’s map control. He double Medivac drops 16 Marines at Leenocks 6th base, and two burrowed Banelings kill all of them except Joe. Joe escapes with nothing but his life and a newfound love of God.
[12/3/2011 3:53:26 AM] : Infestors are out, and 3/3 flyer is on the way for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 3:53:46 AM] : Jjakji has really cute plays, but there are more sick Baneling hits—so many burrowed banelings.
[12/3/2011 3:54:19 AM] : 200/200
[12/3/2011 3:54:24 AM] : 3/3 melee upgrades for Zerg. Mutalisks pick off the ghost academy, and the morale is felt for the motherland. Jjakji sits in his commanding chair, thinking passively of his own schooling in the Motherland. He reflects on his teacher, Comrade Ivanovich. She was a mean old hag, who was borderline psychopathic, and beat jjakji every time he wrote any letter other than “j,” “a,” “k,” or “i.” Jjakji swore upon leaving his communist Ghost Academy that when he was in charge, that woman would fucking hang for her bullshit.
[12/3/2011 3:54:59 AM] : Leenock has a Greater Spire on the way. There is insanely good map movement by Leenock. He mercilessly throws away some Zerglings to make room for Brood Lords. Leenock doesn’t even fucking blink—no way in hell is he going to send a letter to those Zergling’s families. Fuck them. Leenock chuckles as he reflects on these thoughts.
[12/3/2011 3:56:15 AM] : Leenock takes out a base, and it’s 200/170 in Zerg’s favor. Leenock is so... fucking... good. Jjakji has good map movement now because Zerg has the slow, deadly army. I've never gotten nerd chils before. I watched MarineKing vs Kyrix live, and I didn't get nerd chills. I'm fucking shaking right now.
[12/3/2011 3:57:54 AM] : There are two mining base for jjakji, and two-and-a-half mining for Leenock. Leenock moves out with Queens underneath Brood Lords for transfusions. Terran is putting snipes on Brood Lords, and Terran wins engagement, but Leenock keeps Banelings.
[12/3/2011 3:58:27 AM] : There’s a Mutalisk counter attack. Mutalisks just pick off a base. Another drop from jjakji. Leenock has adrenal glands on the way. Leenock finally finds the hidden third base.
[12/3/2011 3:59:25 AM] : Jjakji is dropping more. Banelings right click on a Planetary Fortress and blow it up.
[12/3/2011 3:59:53 AM] : o.O Leenock accidently sets off all his Banelings…like... 20 Banelings O.O
[12/3/2011 4:00:21 AM] : 180/180 supply
[12/3/2011 4:00:50 AM] : There are Siege Tanks on the high ground at Leenock’s 2 o’clock expansion. Nobody has anything mining.
[12/3/2011 4:01:22 AM] : There’s 1 mining base for Terran, and there’s no mining base for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:01:31 AM] : 200 zerg 190 terran
[12/3/2011 4:02:12 AM] : There’s an engagement. Vikings are dying. There are not enough to deal with Brood Lords now. Jjakji’s Ghosts are just getting cloak. There’s 1 mining base for Leenock, and another on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:03:01 AM] : There’s an engagement. There are massive EMPs and Snipes. Banelings kill a few Ghosts. The Mutalisks are dying. Brood Lords are attacking but there just aren’t enough of them left.
[12/3/2011 4:03:22 AM] : Leenock ggs.
[12/3/2011 4:03:32 AM] : The heroic Jjakji applauds his comrades, speaking affluently of women and wine, and cursing the lives of the capitalist dog-zerglings and their free market devilishness.
[12/3/2011 4:04:28 AM] : The cute, chubby Zerg sits in Leenshock (works cited: Artosis), disbelief etched on every one of his chins.
[12/3/2011 4:06:50 AM] : As the Communist Marines return to their home planet however, there is no happy ending. The Communists cannot go here nor there without seeing the horrors of Tal'Darim Altar again. They wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, screaming about the disease, the claws, and the horrific acid obliterating their comrades. Many of them start using Stim recreationally, and it is said that none of them lived past thirty-five.
I've seen some shit, man.
Game 2:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 4:07:58 AM] : The communist jjakji is not done yet however, and deploys another contingent of comrades to the CrossfireSE on planet FUCKYOUBLIZZARDYOUJERKSYOUCANTEVENFUCKINGGIVETHISFUCKINGMAPAFUCKINGPLANETGODDAMMITPROTOSSSOIMBA
Come on! All I want is a damn planet name!
[12/3/2011 4:08:47 AM] : There’s a 15 Hatchery first again for Leenock – The Koala Bear Zerg (Sheth is the Teddy Bear). There seems to be a 3 Barracks Factory play for jjakji. I'm feeling a heroic Communist Stim/Siege timing attack.
[12/3/2011 4:09:42 AM] : Nope. It’s an all-in. Leenock sees nothing. He has a Spine Crawler on the way—building slowly, lumbering along. It finishes.
[12/3/2011 4:11:19 AM] : +1 armor on the way for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:11:25 AM] : There’s a 3rd Hatchery (macro-hatch) on the way. There’s a 2nd Spine on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:11:39 AM] : 12ish marines and a tank pushes out with 2 tanks and a lot of SCVs. A Zergling scouts it.
[12/3/2011 4:12:05 AM] : A Baneling Nest is on the way. Leenock is not prepared at all. The engagement begins. It’s a slaughter. Jjakji calls down a manner M.U.L.E.
[12/3/2011 4:12:50 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 4:12:54 AM] : Well that game sucked.
[12/3/2011 4:13:19 AM] : Leenock stares pensively, wondering... wondering... who can know what is going on in his insanely intelligent mind? Is he contemplating suicide? Probably not. Or perhaps he is trying to concentrate on his game-plan—making sure he doesn't psyche himself out... not likely. No. He must…he must be thinking about cupcakes— maybe tiramisu—definitely a dessert though.
[12/3/2011 4:15:56 AM] : And, triumphantly, heroically, the shitty 80's rock music blares through the night, cutting through the flashing lights like metaphysical scissors through ethereal paper. The victorious advertisements fill the screen. There is a hush over the crowd as the heroic commercials dissipate into oblivion. The gangly, sometimes chubby, acne-ridden, Koreans sit slouched, with horrific posture, waiting for the pretty lights to fill the screen again.
[12/3/2011 4:18:10 AM] : Pretty lights... oh pretty lights... where art though? Thy light may shine like a light in the darkness, or shine like the mists of the night. Thy light, oh light, may light the basement, which is kind of scary in the dark. Canst thou see me, lighting light? I look for you. Though you shine, you cannot see; though you burn, you cannot feel the love— the physical, sexual love—I feel for you. Oh ambience, oh inanimate object, though you are not living, you are still fucking hot. Pretty lights… pretty, pretty lights...
[12/3/2011 4:21:08 AM] : The tension builds as the introduction sequence is played again. Though I cannot see the players, I can be almost certain that their rectums clench in nervous anticipation, clenching furiously, lest a hint of a turd pokes out it's angry head and soils their wind-breaker-fake-sport pants.
To answer your question, no, I'm not above a poop joke.
Come on! All I want is a damn planet name!
[12/3/2011 4:08:47 AM] : There’s a 15 Hatchery first again for Leenock – The Koala Bear Zerg (Sheth is the Teddy Bear). There seems to be a 3 Barracks Factory play for jjakji. I'm feeling a heroic Communist Stim/Siege timing attack.
[12/3/2011 4:09:42 AM] : Nope. It’s an all-in. Leenock sees nothing. He has a Spine Crawler on the way—building slowly, lumbering along. It finishes.
[12/3/2011 4:11:19 AM] : +1 armor on the way for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:11:25 AM] : There’s a 3rd Hatchery (macro-hatch) on the way. There’s a 2nd Spine on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:11:39 AM] : 12ish marines and a tank pushes out with 2 tanks and a lot of SCVs. A Zergling scouts it.
[12/3/2011 4:12:05 AM] : A Baneling Nest is on the way. Leenock is not prepared at all. The engagement begins. It’s a slaughter. Jjakji calls down a manner M.U.L.E.
[12/3/2011 4:12:50 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 4:12:54 AM] : Well that game sucked.
[12/3/2011 4:13:19 AM] : Leenock stares pensively, wondering... wondering... who can know what is going on in his insanely intelligent mind? Is he contemplating suicide? Probably not. Or perhaps he is trying to concentrate on his game-plan—making sure he doesn't psyche himself out... not likely. No. He must…he must be thinking about cupcakes— maybe tiramisu—definitely a dessert though.
[12/3/2011 4:15:56 AM] : And, triumphantly, heroically, the shitty 80's rock music blares through the night, cutting through the flashing lights like metaphysical scissors through ethereal paper. The victorious advertisements fill the screen. There is a hush over the crowd as the heroic commercials dissipate into oblivion. The gangly, sometimes chubby, acne-ridden, Koreans sit slouched, with horrific posture, waiting for the pretty lights to fill the screen again.
[12/3/2011 4:18:10 AM] : Pretty lights... oh pretty lights... where art though? Thy light may shine like a light in the darkness, or shine like the mists of the night. Thy light, oh light, may light the basement, which is kind of scary in the dark. Canst thou see me, lighting light? I look for you. Though you shine, you cannot see; though you burn, you cannot feel the love— the physical, sexual love—I feel for you. Oh ambience, oh inanimate object, though you are not living, you are still fucking hot. Pretty lights… pretty, pretty lights...
[12/3/2011 4:21:08 AM] : The tension builds as the introduction sequence is played again. Though I cannot see the players, I can be almost certain that their rectums clench in nervous anticipation, clenching furiously, lest a hint of a turd pokes out it's angry head and soils their wind-breaker-fake-sport pants.
To answer your question, no, I'm not above a poop joke.
Game 3:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 4:27:17 AM] : As the third game is about to commence, Tastosis looks down with disdain at the Korean plebeians bashing their fists together like autistic monkeys, screaming nonsense in a deep voice like Forrest Gump, as the pretty lights return to the screen.
That's right, we're better than you.
[12/3/2011 4:28:22 AM] : The map is Daybreak, on the same planet as Crossfire, and there is another 13 Refinery for Terran, and another 15 Hatchery for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:29:47 AM] : Jjakji gets another free Overlord. It’s a 1 Factory Fast Expansion. There’s a soft hellion contain. Stim starts, and there’s a quick 3rd base for Leenock. There’s a 4th macro Hatchery.
[12/3/2011 4:32:49 AM] : There’s great sim-city for both players. Clearly, they had reasonable childhoods.
[12/3/2011 4:33:23 AM] : Leenock loses another Overlord. The Baneling Nest finishes. Combat Shields are half way done. There’s a Marine/Medivac push on the way, but no tanks yet. Banelings are on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:34:06 AM] : Leenock has 1/1, and there’s a 3rd on the way for jjakji. There’s a multi-pronged attack for jjakji, but a great defense from Leenock as he cleans up the push at the third, and uses 2 queens and transfuse cleans up the drop.
[12/3/2011 4:36:12 AM] : 1/1 on the way for jjakji. Leenock skips Mutalisks and goes to Infestation Pit.
[12/3/2011 4:36:43 AM] : 2/2 melee/armor done for Leenock, and there are 9001 Zerglings. There are more drops—both are denied. Leenock counterattacks, and kills the 3rd base.
[12/3/2011 4:38:05 AM] : It’s 3 bases for Zerg to 2 base for Terran. Terran pushes again. Leenock holds. Terran pushes to the 3rd.
[12/3/2011 4:38:34 AM] : Leenock up 20 food. There’s a Greater Spire on the way. A Zergling counter-attack trades 3 tanks for a handful of Zerglings.
[12/3/2011 4:38:57 AM] : 3/3 on the way for Zerg, and there are 4 Brood Lords on the way. Jjakji drops in two places at once. There’s bad AI for Leenock’s Zerglings on 1 drop. Jjakji’s Marines go for the Spawning Pool. Leenock just sort of gives it up.
[12/3/2011 4:40:25 AM] : An engagement in the middle of the map. There’s good Baneling hits as Brood Lords attack. Marines clean it up, but Leenock is still up 30 supply.
[12/3/2011 4:40:42 AM] : There are 3 bases for Terran and 4 bases for Zerg. There are 2 burrowed Banelings outside jjakji’s base. Oh shit…15 marines—AND THEY ALL DIE! SHIT SON! SHIT SON! SUP SON?
[12/3/2011 4:41:37 AM] : 190 supply for zerg vs 120. There are 5 bases for Zerg. Terran getting his 4th base. There are more drops. 8 brood lords is a lot.
[12/3/2011 4:43:06 AM] : Zerg engages. Leenock fucking destroys everything.
[12/3/2011 4:43:16 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 4:43:52 AM] : And as Leenock majestically sips water from a royal plastic bottle, his face, beriddled with bits of pork and sweets, spells victory. As he revels in his triumph, he gnaws on the bones of his enemies, and laughs as his slaves do his bidding. And the loser-- a hint of fear... and dare I say... shockji? -- spreads across his weird-looking face. Has his success merely been a facade? – or is he the champion that the movie Hercules always taught him that he could be. He seems to sing to himself... "I have often dreamed of a far off place where a bright warm welcome would be waiting for me— where the crowds would cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying THIS IS WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE!” And all of this is spoken, not in words, but in graceful and silent thought, which speaks louder than all of the patients in the "experimental wing" of the mental hospital.
Fight on, Herc-jjakji, fight on.
That's right, we're better than you.
[12/3/2011 4:28:22 AM] : The map is Daybreak, on the same planet as Crossfire, and there is another 13 Refinery for Terran, and another 15 Hatchery for Zerg.
[12/3/2011 4:29:47 AM] : Jjakji gets another free Overlord. It’s a 1 Factory Fast Expansion. There’s a soft hellion contain. Stim starts, and there’s a quick 3rd base for Leenock. There’s a 4th macro Hatchery.
[12/3/2011 4:32:49 AM] : There’s great sim-city for both players. Clearly, they had reasonable childhoods.
[12/3/2011 4:33:23 AM] : Leenock loses another Overlord. The Baneling Nest finishes. Combat Shields are half way done. There’s a Marine/Medivac push on the way, but no tanks yet. Banelings are on the way.
[12/3/2011 4:34:06 AM] : Leenock has 1/1, and there’s a 3rd on the way for jjakji. There’s a multi-pronged attack for jjakji, but a great defense from Leenock as he cleans up the push at the third, and uses 2 queens and transfuse cleans up the drop.
[12/3/2011 4:36:12 AM] : 1/1 on the way for jjakji. Leenock skips Mutalisks and goes to Infestation Pit.
[12/3/2011 4:36:43 AM] : 2/2 melee/armor done for Leenock, and there are 9001 Zerglings. There are more drops—both are denied. Leenock counterattacks, and kills the 3rd base.
[12/3/2011 4:38:05 AM] : It’s 3 bases for Zerg to 2 base for Terran. Terran pushes again. Leenock holds. Terran pushes to the 3rd.
[12/3/2011 4:38:34 AM] : Leenock up 20 food. There’s a Greater Spire on the way. A Zergling counter-attack trades 3 tanks for a handful of Zerglings.
[12/3/2011 4:38:57 AM] : 3/3 on the way for Zerg, and there are 4 Brood Lords on the way. Jjakji drops in two places at once. There’s bad AI for Leenock’s Zerglings on 1 drop. Jjakji’s Marines go for the Spawning Pool. Leenock just sort of gives it up.
[12/3/2011 4:40:25 AM] : An engagement in the middle of the map. There’s good Baneling hits as Brood Lords attack. Marines clean it up, but Leenock is still up 30 supply.
[12/3/2011 4:40:42 AM] : There are 3 bases for Terran and 4 bases for Zerg. There are 2 burrowed Banelings outside jjakji’s base. Oh shit…15 marines—AND THEY ALL DIE! SHIT SON! SHIT SON! SUP SON?
[12/3/2011 4:41:37 AM] : 190 supply for zerg vs 120. There are 5 bases for Zerg. Terran getting his 4th base. There are more drops. 8 brood lords is a lot.
[12/3/2011 4:43:06 AM] : Zerg engages. Leenock fucking destroys everything.
[12/3/2011 4:43:16 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 4:43:52 AM] : And as Leenock majestically sips water from a royal plastic bottle, his face, beriddled with bits of pork and sweets, spells victory. As he revels in his triumph, he gnaws on the bones of his enemies, and laughs as his slaves do his bidding. And the loser-- a hint of fear... and dare I say... shockji? -- spreads across his weird-looking face. Has his success merely been a facade? – or is he the champion that the movie Hercules always taught him that he could be. He seems to sing to himself... "I have often dreamed of a far off place where a bright warm welcome would be waiting for me— where the crowds would cheer when they see my face, and a voice keeps saying THIS IS WHERE I'M MEANT TO BE!” And all of this is spoken, not in words, but in graceful and silent thought, which speaks louder than all of the patients in the "experimental wing" of the mental hospital.
Fight on, Herc-jjakji, fight on.
Game 4:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 4:47:43 AM] : And as we journey to the beautiful winter beaches of Bel'Shir, a calm and seductive guitar piece begins soothing the crowd—a lazy slide from the fifth fret to the third. The tone is quiet, yet tense; the mood: expectent, yet calm.
[12/3/2011 4:48:58 AM] : It is the same opening from both players as every time before. Jjakji expands, and tastosis, the Xel’Naga gods, will not shut their fucking pie-holes (or is it pies-hole? O.o).
[12/3/2011 4:49:37 AM] : Leenock scouts the Fast Expansion, and speed half way done. There’s a second Extractor for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 4:50:21 AM] : Jjakji is going 2 port banshee, and Lair on the way for Leenock. Jjakji IS SUPPLY BLOCKED! HOLY FUCKING BALLS! Cloak is 25% down for jjakji. There’s a Spire on the way. A tiny counter-attack from Leenock, and 2 Zerglings get 2 SCVs. Jjakji cloaks too early, and attacks Zerglings. Mutalisks are on the way. An Overseer is done, and the and 2 Drones, and maybe like 2 Zerglings. The Communist Terran, as always, is working in pairs.
[12/3/2011 4:54:25 AM] : Leenock is taking a third base. Leenock burrows 3 Banlings right outside jjakji's choke. Mutalisks are trying to bait the Marines to the Banelings. Good scan from jjakji, and he kills the landmine. 1 banshee harasses while jjakji pushes. Jjakji gets the 4th. Leenock is counter attacking, and jjakji is supply blocked. There are more Scans for Baneling land mines.
[12/3/2011 4:57:10 AM] : Leenock is 25 supply behind. I don’t know why. There’s a 3rd base on the way for jjakji, and Mutalisks are picking off Siege Tanks. Leenock cleans up the push, and the supplies are even.
[12/3/2011 4:59:35 AM] : There’s another push, even supply, and a counter attack from Leenock. Leenock trades a couple Mutalisks for a couple Siege Tanks. Leenock’s about to lose his third, but he’s inside jjakji’s main. He kills jjakji’s Natural, but 2 thors decimate the Mutalisks. There’s MASSIVE Baneling mine.
[12/3/2011 5:02:05 AM] : Leenock is on 4 bases, and jjakji is on 1. Leenock is 15 food up, and jjakji has only 11 SCVs and no income. He’s moving his main to his third. It's leenocks game to lose. There’s a burrowed Zergling at the 3rd. Mutalisks snipe the Thor, and jjakji’s about to just lose.
[12/3/2011 5:03:53 AM] : The supplies are like 153/115 in Zerg’s favor. Leenock is getting a 5th, and there’s more Baneling land mines, \ but since he doesn't have scans, jjakji is so fucking smart. I'll come back to jjakji being smart in a minute. Jjakji has a raven and Mutalisks are picking off floating buildings. Jjakji picks off Leenock's last mining base. Terran is literally all in: he has no Supply Depots, nor doe he have a CC.
[12/3/2011 5:06:06 AM] : The supplies are 128 for Leenock and 82 for jjakji, but like 40 Drones for Leenock. Leenock is taking a hidden base, and Infestors are out. Jjakji's going for the main, and Zerg is pseudo-engaging: good Fungal Growths—HUGE FUNGAL! – on everything. There are 5 buildings left for jjakji, and 1 massive Baneling land mine waiting for him.
[12/3/2011 5:07:46 AM] : There’s another big Fungal, and it's 112 food to 50. There’s a Spire on the way for Leeonck again. Leenock's got this. Jjakji gets Leenocks main, but only has 51 food. There’s another good Fungal, and the Medivacs are almost all dead. There are more Fungals, and more Mutalisks on the way. I can't see jjakji winning this— 35 food to 118.
[12/3/2011 5:10:12 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:10:15 AM] : Okay—2 things to jjakji's brilliance: 1. he doesn't have scans for burrowed Banelings, so he puts a single marine next to the burrowed Banelings and kills it with his sieged Tanks; and 2. he doesn't have any ccs left, so he "lands" his buildings on random ground to figure out where Banelings are burrowed.
[12/3/2011 5:11:28 AM] : brb, can't troll-- need to pee. Hokay, so these finals are so good.
[12/3/2011 5:13:41 AM] : w.t.f. I'm so tired.
[12/3/2011 5:18:16 AM] : ROFL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Artosis: Jjakji Chan versus Bruce Leenock! ROFL!
[12/3/2011 4:48:58 AM] : It is the same opening from both players as every time before. Jjakji expands, and tastosis, the Xel’Naga gods, will not shut their fucking pie-holes (or is it pies-hole? O.o).
[12/3/2011 4:49:37 AM] : Leenock scouts the Fast Expansion, and speed half way done. There’s a second Extractor for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 4:50:21 AM] : Jjakji is going 2 port banshee, and Lair on the way for Leenock. Jjakji IS SUPPLY BLOCKED! HOLY FUCKING BALLS! Cloak is 25% down for jjakji. There’s a Spire on the way. A tiny counter-attack from Leenock, and 2 Zerglings get 2 SCVs. Jjakji cloaks too early, and attacks Zerglings. Mutalisks are on the way. An Overseer is done, and the and 2 Drones, and maybe like 2 Zerglings. The Communist Terran, as always, is working in pairs.
[12/3/2011 4:54:25 AM] : Leenock is taking a third base. Leenock burrows 3 Banlings right outside jjakji's choke. Mutalisks are trying to bait the Marines to the Banelings. Good scan from jjakji, and he kills the landmine. 1 banshee harasses while jjakji pushes. Jjakji gets the 4th. Leenock is counter attacking, and jjakji is supply blocked. There are more Scans for Baneling land mines.
[12/3/2011 4:57:10 AM] : Leenock is 25 supply behind. I don’t know why. There’s a 3rd base on the way for jjakji, and Mutalisks are picking off Siege Tanks. Leenock cleans up the push, and the supplies are even.
[12/3/2011 4:59:35 AM] : There’s another push, even supply, and a counter attack from Leenock. Leenock trades a couple Mutalisks for a couple Siege Tanks. Leenock’s about to lose his third, but he’s inside jjakji’s main. He kills jjakji’s Natural, but 2 thors decimate the Mutalisks. There’s MASSIVE Baneling mine.
[12/3/2011 5:02:05 AM] : Leenock is on 4 bases, and jjakji is on 1. Leenock is 15 food up, and jjakji has only 11 SCVs and no income. He’s moving his main to his third. It's leenocks game to lose. There’s a burrowed Zergling at the 3rd. Mutalisks snipe the Thor, and jjakji’s about to just lose.
[12/3/2011 5:03:53 AM] : The supplies are like 153/115 in Zerg’s favor. Leenock is getting a 5th, and there’s more Baneling land mines, \ but since he doesn't have scans, jjakji is so fucking smart. I'll come back to jjakji being smart in a minute. Jjakji has a raven and Mutalisks are picking off floating buildings. Jjakji picks off Leenock's last mining base. Terran is literally all in: he has no Supply Depots, nor doe he have a CC.
[12/3/2011 5:06:06 AM] : The supplies are 128 for Leenock and 82 for jjakji, but like 40 Drones for Leenock. Leenock is taking a hidden base, and Infestors are out. Jjakji's going for the main, and Zerg is pseudo-engaging: good Fungal Growths—HUGE FUNGAL! – on everything. There are 5 buildings left for jjakji, and 1 massive Baneling land mine waiting for him.
[12/3/2011 5:07:46 AM] : There’s another big Fungal, and it's 112 food to 50. There’s a Spire on the way for Leeonck again. Leenock's got this. Jjakji gets Leenocks main, but only has 51 food. There’s another good Fungal, and the Medivacs are almost all dead. There are more Fungals, and more Mutalisks on the way. I can't see jjakji winning this— 35 food to 118.
[12/3/2011 5:10:12 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:10:15 AM] : Okay—2 things to jjakji's brilliance: 1. he doesn't have scans for burrowed Banelings, so he puts a single marine next to the burrowed Banelings and kills it with his sieged Tanks; and 2. he doesn't have any ccs left, so he "lands" his buildings on random ground to figure out where Banelings are burrowed.
[12/3/2011 5:11:28 AM] : brb, can't troll-- need to pee. Hokay, so these finals are so good.
[12/3/2011 5:13:41 AM] : w.t.f. I'm so tired.
[12/3/2011 5:18:16 AM] : ROFL! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Artosis: Jjakji Chan versus Bruce Leenock! ROFL!
Game 5:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 5:21:45 AM] : Dual Sight game 5
[12/3/2011 5:22:06 AM] : Leenock… LOL-- don't have anything to finish that sentence.
[12/3/2011 5:23:13 AM] : Leenock just gets a random SCV, and jjakji just gets another overlord. There’s another reactor hellion build. It’s a 1 Factory Fast Expansion. There’s a 2nd rax on the way. Stim is half way done, so is Zergling speed. Baneling Nest is 1/3 done. Siege Mode and a 3rd (macro) Hatery are both on the way, and Lair is half-way done.
[12/3/2011 5:28:08 AM] : There’s an engagement, and Leenock fucks everything up. Leenock is going to lose his natural. His Spire's just started. Jjakji is reinforcing. Leenock's just going to lose.
[12/3/2011 5:30:23 AM] : it's 100 food to 40
[12/3/2011 5:30:48 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:31:29 AM] : 3-2 jjakji—it's such a fucking epic series. I'm so tired. I consumed a 2 liter (litre) of cherry coke to stay awake.
Necter of the Xel'Naga gods.
[12/3/2011 5:22:06 AM] : Leenock… LOL-- don't have anything to finish that sentence.
[12/3/2011 5:23:13 AM] : Leenock just gets a random SCV, and jjakji just gets another overlord. There’s another reactor hellion build. It’s a 1 Factory Fast Expansion. There’s a 2nd rax on the way. Stim is half way done, so is Zergling speed. Baneling Nest is 1/3 done. Siege Mode and a 3rd (macro) Hatery are both on the way, and Lair is half-way done.
[12/3/2011 5:28:08 AM] : There’s an engagement, and Leenock fucks everything up. Leenock is going to lose his natural. His Spire's just started. Jjakji is reinforcing. Leenock's just going to lose.
[12/3/2011 5:30:23 AM] : it's 100 food to 40
[12/3/2011 5:30:48 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:31:29 AM] : 3-2 jjakji—it's such a fucking epic series. I'm so tired. I consumed a 2 liter (litre) of cherry coke to stay awake.
Necter of the Xel'Naga gods.
Game 6:
+ Show Spoiler +
[12/3/2011 5:37:16 AM] : Same openings as every other game. 2 more rax on the way (3 total). Stim just started. 3rd base is on the way for Leenock.
[12/3/2011 5:38:25 AM] : +1 armor is on the way for leenock, as is a 4th Hatchery and a 3rd base for Terran. Leenock’s lair is almost done. A Baneling Nest is about halfway done.
[12/3/2011 5:40:05 AM] : Leenock's Zerglings get 3 free hellions, and Leenock cleans up the push with a few Banelings.
[12/3/2011 5:40:56 AM] : Leenock’s Spire's about to finish. Burrow and Baneling speed are on the way.
[12/3/2011 5:41:16 AM] : Supplies are even.
[12/3/2011 5:42:02 AM] : There’s an engagement in the middle of the map, and a nice hit on Banelings. Leenock cleans up the attack and is up 20 supply. Leenock's at 2k minerals.
[12/3/2011 5:43:05 AM] : The supplies are even again, and Leenock gets a free Medivac.
[12/3/2011 5:44:48 AM] : Jjaki is pushing, and Leenock feigns a counterattack. Jjakji has a sick army.
[12/3/2011 5:45:16 AM] : 200 v 200
[12/3/2011 5:45:24 AM] : There’s a counter attack, and jjakji is turning around. Mutalisks get the natural Orbital Command.
[12/3/2011 5:46:07 AM] : 3/3 infantry is on the way, and there are more counter attacks. Leenock gets a nice Baneling mine. Hive is 2/3 done, and 2/2 flyer is on the way. Infestors are almost out. Leenock has another counter attack, and jjakji comes out waaaaay ahead.
[12/3/2011 5:47:18 AM] : 200 – 190— Terran is in the lead. Leenock has a lot of money though.
[12/3/2011 5:48:34 AM] : Jjakji is attacking everywhere. 2 Hatcheries go down.
[12/3/2011 5:48:51 AM] : 164-144 supplies— Terran is up.
[12/3/2011 5:49:15 AM] : Jjakji up 60 supply.
[12/3/2011 5:49:37 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:49:47 AM] : jjakji wins 4-2
[12/3/2011 5:49:47 AM] : o.O
[12/3/2011 5:50:05 AM] : and the Pirates of the Carribean theme plays LOL
[12/3/2011 5:50:41 AM] : game 1 is so good
[12/3/2011 5:50:53 AM] : like... perfection in StarCraft II
[12/3/2011 5:50:55 AM] : hokay
[12/3/2011 5:50:58 AM] : I go to sleep
[12/3/2011 5:50:59 AM] :
I wish it was like this...
But more accurately, it was like this.
What can I say? LR is hard work!
[12/3/2011 5:38:25 AM] : +1 armor is on the way for leenock, as is a 4th Hatchery and a 3rd base for Terran. Leenock’s lair is almost done. A Baneling Nest is about halfway done.
[12/3/2011 5:40:05 AM] : Leenock's Zerglings get 3 free hellions, and Leenock cleans up the push with a few Banelings.
[12/3/2011 5:40:56 AM] : Leenock’s Spire's about to finish. Burrow and Baneling speed are on the way.
[12/3/2011 5:41:16 AM] : Supplies are even.
[12/3/2011 5:42:02 AM] : There’s an engagement in the middle of the map, and a nice hit on Banelings. Leenock cleans up the attack and is up 20 supply. Leenock's at 2k minerals.
[12/3/2011 5:43:05 AM] : The supplies are even again, and Leenock gets a free Medivac.
[12/3/2011 5:44:48 AM] : Jjaki is pushing, and Leenock feigns a counterattack. Jjakji has a sick army.
[12/3/2011 5:45:16 AM] : 200 v 200
[12/3/2011 5:45:24 AM] : There’s a counter attack, and jjakji is turning around. Mutalisks get the natural Orbital Command.
[12/3/2011 5:46:07 AM] : 3/3 infantry is on the way, and there are more counter attacks. Leenock gets a nice Baneling mine. Hive is 2/3 done, and 2/2 flyer is on the way. Infestors are almost out. Leenock has another counter attack, and jjakji comes out waaaaay ahead.
[12/3/2011 5:47:18 AM] : 200 – 190— Terran is in the lead. Leenock has a lot of money though.
[12/3/2011 5:48:34 AM] : Jjakji is attacking everywhere. 2 Hatcheries go down.
[12/3/2011 5:48:51 AM] : 164-144 supplies— Terran is up.
[12/3/2011 5:49:15 AM] : Jjakji up 60 supply.
[12/3/2011 5:49:37 AM] : gg
[12/3/2011 5:49:47 AM] : jjakji wins 4-2
[12/3/2011 5:49:47 AM] : o.O
[12/3/2011 5:50:05 AM] : and the Pirates of the Carribean theme plays LOL
[12/3/2011 5:50:41 AM] : game 1 is so good
[12/3/2011 5:50:53 AM] : like... perfection in StarCraft II
[12/3/2011 5:50:55 AM] : hokay
[12/3/2011 5:50:58 AM] : I go to sleep
[12/3/2011 5:50:59 AM] :
I wish it was like this...
But more accurately, it was like this.
What can I say? LR is hard work!