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Well, I'll just get to the point, I've never been able to stare into someone's eyes...
That might be pushing it too much, but I can't face someone and look at their eyes while they talk. I get really nervous(even with my friends) and I just look away. This isn't really a BIG problem but it's extremely annoying. I also have another huge fucking problem. I can't say "Hi" to any female friends. If I end up doing so(which I've tried), my voice gets really deep and I sound like a dumbass, and if they engage in conversation with me, I can't look into their eyes so they think I'm ignoring them and I end up losing a lot of opportunities.
Any help is welcome ;(
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stare at their forehead :D
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practice? i mean i could write a big post with 50000 words saying you should practice, but i think this says it just as easily
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look at their lips (must not be in close proximity).. this works!
one question to you: don't you have any friends offline?
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Cayman Islands24199 Posts
id just try to talk with random girls on teh subway. :/ but you might get arrested for that lol
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On October 10 2007 12:52 -WGT-Stars- wrote:
stare at their forehead :D
That works very well. Just don't look at their chest =P
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hmm i have the same problem.. staring someone in the eye makes it feel like they looking at me wierd or something i dunno... i try to move when i talk so i don't seem like a total dumbass
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Kennigit
Canada19447 Posts
Ok, this is a confidence issue. And there is one sure cure that i've had great success with when helping people with similar problems.
psych yourself out. Think of how fucking awesome you are and that you are doing anyone you look a massive favour just to be in your presence. It's almost like you create an alterego for yourself that you learn to breakout when put under the pressure of it. Normally im somewhat shy but am able to lecture and give speeches to audiences 300+ because of it.
Just sit down for like 10 mins each morning and think of how great you are, all your accomplishments and everything you have going for you and that because your that great you are going to share a little bit of it with others. This all may sound incredibly arrogant, and it is. However, with confidence issues like this you need to dive into the deep in and then calibrate your attitude. You dont need to portray this attitude outloud, just keep it in your head.
At first it may feel awkward but just stick with it and you'll be ballin in no time at all.
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I have the same problem. When people I don't know talk to me I get the impression that they think I'm an arrogant jerk or something because I can't look them in the eyes. And when I talk to people I'm not comfortable with I just sorta mumble or do the deep voice thing you mentioned.
Lately I've been trying to force myself to look people in the eyes and I'm getting used to it, but it still doesn't feel natural.
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Get a job where you need to maintain eye contact with customers/guests e.g., serving at a restaurant or some sort of customer service in retail. This will force you to do it and you'll get the practice in.
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On October 10 2007 12:56 zoLo wrote:That works very well. Just don't look at their chest =P
Haha I do this all the time. I don't know if it's subconscious or I just naturally dart my eyes downward from their eyes. Either way I always feel like an idiot afterwards.
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you're not engaging in social activities enough. The more you do it, the more comfortable you will be. Try to always be in constant social interaction.
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On October 10 2007 12:54 artofmagic wrote:
one question to you: don't you have any friends offline?
I do o.o''
I haven't told any of them this though. I've only recently found out about this problem and it's extremely severe.
I'll try what you said Kennigit, I'll post results tomorra!
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man, i have the same problem. don't look people in the eyes enough. it's ok with people i know, but i'm terrible with like older people. my speech slurs as the throat drys up. but i think getting a job involving public interaction would help alot.
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I found out my "problem" when I was having a conversation with my dad and he told me to look him in the eyes(because I was listening to him talk and was just staring at the wall) and I did... for like 4 seconds.
 God damnit.
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not a confidence issue a lot of ppl have this problem. look at their forehead :D
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i have the same problem but i try to look at their left eye.
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Pick one eye to look at.
People say, "Look into their eyes." but you can only focus on one. If you switch back and forth, you look nervous. You'll probably also feel nervous.
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This is a self esteem and confidence issue. Do you also find you sometimes don't know what to say in social situations? You may be suffering from Social Anxiety.
Basically it stems from negative thinking and maybe past emotional traumatic experiences earlier in life.
The thing is, it will get worse if you don't do anything about it. In most situations practicing it over and over again will not help. How many times have you tried to do these things that cause you anxiety? Probably every day and it doesn't get any better right?
Look up cognitive behavioral therapy in google or PM me for more info on how to treat it.
I suffered from the same things a few years ago. In my teens I developed terrible acne, which over time developed a belief within me that I was ugly and no one wanted to talk to me. When my acne cleared up I still had this emotional belief that I was ugly even though I was far from it so i had to change that belief with rational thinking, instead of my old negative thinking that stemmed from that belief.
Edit: Shit I started writing this after reading the 2nd post you people are fast xD
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Calgary26004 Posts
On October 10 2007 12:57 Kennigit wrote:
Ok, this is a confidence issue. And there is one sure cure that i've had great success with when helping people with similar problems.
psych yourself out. Think of how fucking awesome you are and that you are doing anyone you look a massive favour just to be in your presence. It's almost like you create an alterego for yourself that you learn to breakout when put under the pressure of it. Normally im somewhat shy but am able to lecture and give speeches to audiences 300+ because of it.
Just sit down for like 10 mins each morning and think of how great you are, all your accomplishments and everything you have going for you and that because your that great you are going to share a little bit of it with others. This all may sound incredibly arrogant, and it is. However, with confidence issues like this you need to dive into the deep in and then calibrate your attitude. You dont need to portray this attitude outloud, just keep it in your head.
At first it may feel awkward but just stick with it and you'll be ballin in no time at all.
Good advice.
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EPT
