EPTAnyone agree or disagree?
[H]I have a (social) problem. - Page 2
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
Anyone agree or disagree? | ||
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LiAlH4
New Zealand111 Posts
Just tell one of your real life friends your problem (you might feel dumb, but generally friends are understanding), and proceed to have staring contests. Failing a friend... try a pet, or head out to the country to find a cow to practise on. Cows have the maddest staring ability ever. | ||
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OverTheUnder
United States2929 Posts
girls love it when u look at their face/eyes when talking btw;o | ||
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Funchucks
Canada2113 Posts
On October 10 2007 13:19 OverTheUnder wrote: girls love it when u look at their face/eyes when talking btw;o You mean chest, right? Tell me I haven't been doing it wrong! | ||
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Pwntrucci[sR]
Canada1519 Posts
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CubEdIn
Romania5359 Posts
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freelander
Hungary4707 Posts
On October 10 2007 12:57 Kennigit wrote: Ok, this is a confidence issue. And there is one sure cure that i've had great success with when helping people with similar problems. psych yourself out. Think of how fucking awesome you are and that you are doing anyone you look a massive favour just to be in your presence. It's almost like you create an alterego for yourself that you learn to breakout when put under the pressure of it. Normally im somewhat shy but am able to lecture and give speeches to audiences 300+ because of it. Just sit down for like 10 mins each morning and think of how great you are, all your accomplishments and everything you have going for you and that because your that great you are going to share a little bit of it with others. This all may sound incredibly arrogant, and it is. However, with confidence issues like this you need to dive into the deep in and then calibrate your attitude. You dont need to portray this attitude outloud, just keep it in your head. At first it may feel awkward but just stick with it and you'll be ballin in no time at all. nice, i will try this out too ^ ^ though I don't have such problems btw kennigit could you continue please the girl guide in your blog some time? ^ ^ | ||
Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
Maybe this will also help: when you look people in the eyes, think of it as a way of showing them that you are interested in what they are saying (when they are talking to you) and that you would like them to hear what you have to say (when you are talking to them). You should aim to feel good about looking them in the eyes, the same way you feel good about being polite and courteous. (Edit 2: updating this bit...) You don't have to look into their eyes constantly. When you are talking to them, eye contact is less important. But when you are listening to them, I'd say most people expect at least some level of eye contact, and generally you should be looking at their eyes most of (if not all of) the time. But if you are rarely looking into their eyes when they are talking to you, then I think most people (unless they know you) will interpret it as disrespect. So I agree with your assessment that it is a serious problem =/. (Edit: DT edit failed miserably: making new post.) Lastly, I actually focus on the midpoint between the two eyes. I've always assumed this was the "normal" way to look someone in the eyes. I've never heard of people focusing on only one eye before o_O. | ||
Hot_Bid
Braavos36388 Posts
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RedTail
United States104 Posts
First of all I get uncomfortable when people look me in the eyes for too long, so I look away. It's just natural. I'm slowly working towards looking in peoples eyes a little bit, but very slow pace because it is infinitely more important to me to feel comfortable and good than look someone in the eyes for their benefit. Or even my benefit of g3tting girlzorz!! Most people aren't even aware if you look them in the eyes or not all the time , I mean if you're just staring at the floor that's different, but there's a whole spectrum of "eye looking" So what if you feel more comfortable not looking someone in the eyes all the time, you know theres nothing wrong with looking away when you're talking to someone. Has anyone told you that you don't look in their eyes? How do you know that other people think you are disinterested? Did one person tell you? Do you just "feel" that way. Well if you feel or think a certain way then it doesn't mean its true. Theres a thing called projection where you project thoughts and feelings onto other people and feel that what you are thinking and feeling is what other people are thinking and feeling, and that is untrue. Yes people can read emotions, but not thoughts. They can tell that you "look nervous" but not "OMG KEKE he is scared about his smile and his voice cracked and hes scared about it what a NOOB LOLZ" About the subconscious things like eye contact and body language. Well you know what. At least right now, I like to keep that stuff subconscious and it works itself out kinda. It's nice to be aware of my subconscious stuff sometimes, but It's also nice to forget about it. So what if i want to put my head down at a party or not talk to someone or dance on the table in the middle of class (haven't done it but its kinda fun/scary to think about). If it makes me feel more comfortable then I'm going to do it (about eye contact.) That's just me. Also how do you know that you sound stupid when you say hi to a girl. Just because you think that you sound stupid doesn't mean everyone does. She might be thinking the exact same thing about herself. You know stuff like voice changing pitch is human and it's like showing emotion. If your voice sounded "super confident" all the time then that would be boring and no one would like you. Emotion is a good thing to show, and weakness is what makes us human. I've gotten my best complements when I've shown weakness. You don't even know what the "general public" likes. and i mean what if for instance some girl got uncomfortable because you looked in her eyes too much even though you think its the "right" thing to do. Well she wouldn't feel comfortable and you would miss an opportunity and you would feel stupid trying to get the whole "lets look at her eyes more" thing down. With this whole pump yourself with confidence thing, it really bothers me. Yes it is arrogant, and I feel that its shortsighted. If you are finding flaws (arrogance) about your philosophy, then it isn't "the best" philosophy. It's not that bad, but it's like a trick to bypass your scaredness and your mind and body will tell you that it's a trick. What about trying to say to yourself normal things like "I am going to try my best and maybe I'll talk to some people I like today" instead of "OMG IM gonna onzerz that party. Even if you did pump yourself up with confidence and you think you did great (confidence and telling yourself you did great go hand in hand). and people didn't even think you did a great job. Well you won't know because you're blinding yourself in confidence. It isn't important what other people think about a speech for instance, but if you are pumping yourself up with confidence for them and they don't even like it cuz you were too arrogant, than you just put yourself into a paradox. I agree with the CBT response. If one can change ones thoughts such as "OMG she noticed my nervousness" to "maybe she is totally oblivious to my nervousness" to "I don't give a fuck, wow she has nice eyes" that is a slow transition of "healthier thinking" It makes perfect sense to look at someone BECAUSE YOU WANT TO AND FEEL COMFORTABLE DOING IT. not because it's what your supposed to do, or that it's right, or that it gets you the most girlzzzzzzzzzxoxoxo. What matters is that you are feeling ok and doing what you want to do (or not doing what you want to do and not feeling ok) (or not doing what you want to do and still feeling ok) (or doing what you want to do and not feeling ok) That's really all that matters. What girls really want is confidence, not "try to do everything so I look the most confident." | ||
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BlueStar
Bulgaria1168 Posts
u r perverted The girl is not something that picks u up or u pick up When there is something between u two u'll get it. Such thing can be written only by some retired guy who thinks he is great. On ur thread - I have no idea what to suggest. But this with the greatness is ROFL MAO try for example to look at the mirror in ur eyes or something like that. Try to be more confident. It doesn't cost very much. The girls would like that  | ||
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SChasu
United States1505 Posts
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
Now I'm all confused. ._.! | ||
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
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kimseongchan
Korea (South)733 Posts
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
But, this has happened to me for a long time now. I make a shitload of girl friends at the beginning of the year, but since I can't really make eye contact(thus, I don't really want to have conversations with them) plus the fact that I don't say hi(which is really just making them know that I have acknowledged their presence and maybe makes them feel good/want to get to know me better/have more conversations) makes these relationships extremely capricious and brief. ._. I go to sleeps now. | ||
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Bill307
Canada9103 Posts
On October 10 2007 14:12 Scorpion wrote: But, this has happened to me for a long time now. I make a shitload of girl friends at the beginning of the year, but since I can't really make eye contact(thus, I don't really want to have conversations with them) plus the fact that I don't say hi(which is really just making them know that I have acknowledged their presence and maybe makes them feel good/want to get to know me better/have more conversations) makes these relationships extremely capricious and brief. Uhhh... well, your idea of the meaning of saying hi sounds way off :S. Between acquaintances, it just means "I recognize you. You are a likeable person." It sounds like you are putting waaaay too much importance and meaning on such a simple, casual greeting. So what exactly happens? They say hi to you and you (visibly/obviously) notice, but don't respond? That... that kind of implies you don't like them at all, not even as acquaintances =/. If you want to get to know them better or have more conversations, then you're going to have to do more than saying "hi", because saying "hi" alone doesn't convey that message at all (unless you say it with a provocative tone or body language, of course). If you want to get to know them better or have more conversations, then you need to start more conversations with them. | ||
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TheShizno
United States112 Posts
I used to have trouble looking people in the eye, and as a lot of people said, it's really a matter of confidence, and you should probably build that up too, but try a few simple exercises to get comfortable and your confidence may rise as a result anyway. Also, you can try saying hi to strangers on the street too to get used to saying hi to people you don't normally say hi to, and you might get comfortable just saying hi to anyone normally. | ||
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afdagfhds3gdg2
United States77 Posts
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BlueStar
Bulgaria1168 Posts
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