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gg_hertzz
2152 Posts
So I recorded myself having a fake conversation. What I saw bothered me. Basically my eyes darted furiously around the room, I would roll my eyes and make gestures like something was bothering them. I barely maintained eye contact but I looked mentally disturbed. I wonder if some of you guys have experiences or advice about this? And what do you feel about it? Have you thought about it at all or did it never cross your mind? | ||
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perisie xx
429 Posts
ie a) mood could be happy so im looking up or dull so im looking down and dont care to look b) could be a girl i like, or someone i want to give respect to. could be a co-worker, where i often respond without looking because i´m just co-operating in my job c) see above d) could have missed a shower and feel really uncomfortable and don´t wanna see anyone avoiding eye contact can display as much "confidence" as drawing it, if you do it in the right situations and with the right people. classic example is walking into a classroom and NOT eyeing up all the girls. right now i think im mostly avoiding it in general , half on purpose there was a huge great post about this some time ago by someone | ||
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Polyphasic
United States841 Posts
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MeriaDoKk
Chile1726 Posts
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d.arkive
United States843 Posts
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gg_hertzz
2152 Posts
but for people with certain disorders, a lack of eye contact becomes a symptom. that's why i think eye contact is one of the most underrated social skills. most don't even think about it. ah well. | ||
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mel_ee
2448 Posts
What i did: Force my self to focus on their eyes, dont stare directly but kinda use peripherals. IF you have a hard time, just stare right in the middle of the eyebrows, its as similar. | ||
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mahnini
United States6862 Posts
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perisie xx
429 Posts
On May 07 2008 18:25 mahnini wrote: I find myself looking at peoples' mouths most of the time. I don't know why, I guess it's cause that's where all the action's at when people are talking. : \ lol, i noticed this in virtually every movie..? the girls are always staring at the guys mouth (affection) | ||
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Boblion
France8043 Posts
Problem solved: you have to be angry. | ||
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HonestTea
5007 Posts
It's not the same, but it'll do if you can't make eye contact. Eventually you should move on to real eye contact though. | ||
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Gryffindor_us
United States5606 Posts
But, I wouldn't worry so much about it because eye contact is only one form of communication. I guess if you're shifting about and looking around then you might seem nervous. | ||
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HeadBangaa
United States6512 Posts
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TreK
Sweden2089 Posts
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Tadzio
3340 Posts
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KoveN-
Australia503 Posts
Do some soul searching or if you want the band aid solution, simply practice holding eye contact. The former though is the only real solution to this and many other problems that go with it. | ||
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
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ClockworkBlues
Canada74 Posts
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KOFgokuon
United States14893 Posts
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dronebabo
10866 Posts
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MyLostTemple
United States2921 Posts
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Steelflight-Rx
United States1389 Posts
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DwmC_Foefen
Belgium2186 Posts
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MultiRAX-
Sweden43 Posts
It's defenitly a thing u can learn. | ||
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rpf
United States2705 Posts
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Kennelie
United States2296 Posts
I always just thought about not giving a fuck about the other persons view about the eye contact. | ||
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Titusmaster6
United States5937 Posts
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QuanticHawk
United States32051 Posts
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bustaBust
Canada469 Posts
If you have trouble looking people directly in the eyes, look in between them at the top of their nose. Looking anywhere else is kinda unnerving for the person your talking to. | ||
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mnm
United States4493 Posts
On May 07 2008 17:43 gg_hertzz wrote: I admit, I've always had a terrible time looking at people's eyes when talking to them. I recently read that eye contact is one of the most important elements in conversations, creating and maintaining friendships,and giving people clues about your intentions. So I recorded myself having a fake conversation. What I saw bothered me. Basically my eyes darted furiously around the room, I would roll my eyes and make gestures like something was bothering them. I barely maintained eye contact but I looked mentally disturbed. I wonder if some of you guys have experiences or advice about this? And what do you feel about it? Have you thought about it at all or did it never cross your mind? Can i see the video? =) I was told, esp in NY, its good for safety reasons to make eye contact with everyone. Apparently it tells people you have confidence and you would probably fight back if people give you trouble. I had originally thought it was better to not look at people because it might provoke them. I am trying to look at people more though. As for talking to people on on one, I do believe I look them in the eye. Not 100% positive on this though. It just makes sense to me. Unless I'm tired and my eyes start wandering off. | ||
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wo0py
Netherlands922 Posts
I think girls like guys who talk to them like they care. thye might base that on eye contact and such. Because girls tend to think i care about what they are telling me, while in most cases i dont ;-) Anyway i think its good to try make eye contact. It's better. | ||
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SeBASTa
China1147 Posts
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MTF
United States1739 Posts
I've never had any problems with doing it myself, so I have no real experience with dealing with it as a personal issue. The most I can suggest doing is just reminding yourself when you talk with people to make eye contact (at least when they are talking) and making yourself do it. Naturally, it'd probably be easier to start with family and friends. | ||
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Djabanete
United States2786 Posts
And she shows up late and leaves early. Every time. | ||
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LastWish
2013 Posts
Whether they are beautiful or it's just a moment of strenth and power (remember some post regarding Reach and eyecontact, where the other person had to withdraw first). Some women on the otherhand have two pairs of eyes. One on the front and one on the back - just on the butt to look at  | ||
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mnm
United States4493 Posts
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Liquid`Jinro
Sweden33719 Posts
 I *think* I might look away sometimes when I need to think about what I'm going to say, and I *think* I look people in the eye when they are talking. | ||
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Knickknack
United States1187 Posts
But eye contact issues are pretty common really. Theres lots of advice out there, so now that you realized you have some issues just put it into practice. http://www.bremercommunications.com/Eye_Contact.htm http://www.sirc.org/publik/flirt.html scroll down some... | ||
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L!MP
Australia2067 Posts
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caution.slip
United States775 Posts
Theres actually a such thing as too much eye contact, it can be intimidating to some people, but master holding eye contact first, then you can work on knowing the subtleties about it On May 07 2008 21:49 Steelflight-Rx wrote: Someone told me that looking past someone's head, or at their forehead is a really good technique. It looks like you are looking them in the eye, but it doesnt feel as awkward/difficult for you. I never really thought to try it myself.. disagree, you can tell when someone is looking past you, its not sincere, same thing with forehead, just pick one eye and stick with it. Don't dart back and forth, thats weird | ||
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Tsagacity
United States2124 Posts
But occasionally I'll start to consciously think about it in the middle of a conversation, and then I get awkward ^_^ | ||
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XCetron
5226 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + jk | ||
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HamerD
United Kingdom1922 Posts
.I often find that you have to actively look someone in the eyes, not just expect it to happen. I think that's why it means so much, you are taking the effort to hold their gaze, it's good for stating anything genuine, or at least appearing to be genuine. | ||
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gLyo
United States2410 Posts
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GeneralStan
United States4789 Posts
The bus is the worst for me. I'm going to be in this confined place with them for ten or fifteen minutes and I don't feel particularly like talking, and I can't look at them, and there's the awkwardness about making eye contact. I get that with one of my roommates too (the one I don't like). We'll be talking about something and neither one of us is actually looking at each other. We always talk about mundane things like rent and dishes, and I think if we were to look at each other, we'd realize how much we dislike each other. | ||
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Danzepol
United States211 Posts
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mnm
United States4493 Posts
i keep seeing people randomly talking to the air i never know if its a cellphone conversation or people going crazy. | ||
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Texas
Germany2388 Posts
never tried watching in eyes of men for minutes but dont have problem with starring in their eyes for some seconds. probably some self-confidence issue, i guess shy persons cant hold eye contact for minutes. | ||
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XoXiDe
United States620 Posts
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evanthebouncy!
United States12796 Posts
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gwho
United States632 Posts
On May 07 2008 17:43 gg_hertzz wrote: I admit, I've always had a terrible time looking at people's eyes when talking to them. I recently read that eye contact is one of the most important elements in conversations, creating and maintaining friendships,and giving people clues about your intentions. So I recorded myself having a fake conversation. What I saw bothered me. Basically my eyes darted furiously around the room, I would roll my eyes and make gestures like something was bothering them. I barely maintained eye contact but I looked mentally disturbed. I wonder if some of you guys have experiences or advice about this? And what do you feel about it? Have you thought about it at all or did it never cross your mind? i have the same problem. i think for me it has to do with insecurity and them judging me. plus i was shy since forever. get really nervous around people, especially if they are peers and are more of the judgemental type, rather than friendly and accepting. this of course implies there is no problem with eye contact among friends, is that true for you too? i think just like shyness, the eye contact thing is a confidence issue. at least for people who are sort of similar to my case. there could be really outgoing people who don't make eyecontact cause maybe they habitually lie and always feel edgey, or numerous other reasons. but for people who are shy and more on the unconfident side like me, i do think it is a confidence issue. what do you think? | ||
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blabber
United States4448 Posts
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gwho
United States632 Posts
On May 08 2008 04:09 blabber wrote: People that will never look away when talking to me freak me out lol so true. you gotta mix both. | ||
XaI)CyRiC
United States4471 Posts
I usually end up settling for one eye or their mouth. Like someone else said, mouth seems natural to me because that's where all the action is when they're talking. Looking between their eyes makes me feel cross-eyed too, go figure... | ||
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Louder
United States2276 Posts
If it feels awkward to you, practice looking people in the eye for no more than 1-2 seconds at a time during a conversation. And as other people have mentioned, there are tricks - look at the bridge of the nose, look slightly below the eyes, etc. One I find useful when I simply don't want to be talking to someone is to look past them - focus so that their face blurs and you focus on what's immediately behind them - but you're still pointed directly at the eyes. It's also good for people who make you uncomfortable. | ||
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YoUr_KiLLeR
United States3420 Posts
On May 08 2008 03:36 mnm wrote: ok ok what do you do if you have a handsfree phone and you're talking on your cellphone while in some public place and its hard for people to tell u have a phone on your ear? i keep seeing people randomly talking to the air i never know if its a cellphone conversation or people going crazy. sometimes i respond to these ppl cuz i think theyre talking to me and then i feel stupid. | ||
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LaLuSh
Sweden2358 Posts
Logically you would assume socially outgoing persons would have more practice not being insecure. But I simply don't care what other people think about me in regards of me expressing my opions, making fun of myself, public speaking etc... And that's where it all stems from in my opinion. Whether you feel comfortable and confident enough in your being, your persona, to actually display a piece of your true self to other people. I actually think it's fun, and even amusing at times, staring into people's eyes. Mainly because you can almost sense their insecurity. I'd even go as far as saying that I do it just as much for the sake that it empowers me, that it endowes me with some twisted sense of self-confidence, than doing it just for the sake of being polite. While talking to other people, it always feels sort of ludicrous that such a trivial thing can offset them. Because to me it's so simple! I mean, I understand how hard it can be; I was extremely shy as a child and had the exact same problems (among others). But generally anyone who in an honest attempt has tried understanding how ridiculous the fear in itself is, and tried approaching the problem in a somewhat cognitivistic manner, basically meaning TRY IT AND SEE IF IT'LL KILL YOU, never regresses into fearing eye contact again. All it does is reveal that 90% of the people around you are just as scared as you were. | ||
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Rev0lution
United States1805 Posts
not with friends or classmates. Definitely with strangers though | ||
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Rev0lution
United States1805 Posts
true, my older brother does this to me when we travel. I feel like people are thinking he is gay or something LOL! | ||
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Rev0lution
United States1805 Posts
On May 08 2008 03:42 Texas wrote: i can easily look in girls´ eyes for minutes, no problem at all. never tried watching in eyes of men for minutes but dont have problem with starring in their eyes for some seconds. probably some self-confidence issue, i guess shy persons cant hold eye contact for minutes. hopefully its with friends, but random people on the street will think your harassing them... | ||
mikeymoo
Canada7170 Posts
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Luhh
Sweden2974 Posts
Most people get over it in after their teens so don't sweat it if you do. Though the major back when I did military service had a hard time with that. How does that work? | ||
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skyglow1
New Zealand3962 Posts
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Bub
United States3518 Posts
It does sound like a confidence issue which you need to fix, especially if you talk to girls. They love eye contact. | ||
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Oxygen
Canada3581 Posts
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ScarFace
United States1175 Posts
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mikeymoo
Canada7170 Posts
On May 08 2008 05:48 Oxygen wrote: some girls like it when you make eye contact continuously because it's not a typical trait and it looks like you're really paying attention. bingo. | ||
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pyrogenetix
China5094 Posts
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jimminy_kriket
Canada5502 Posts
On May 07 2008 21:08 CharlieMurphy wrote: just imagine yourself fighting with the person, you gotta be looking at them to see what they do next so you can counter or whatever. When i do this i look angry, then they think i hate them or something. T_T | ||
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Spike
United States1392 Posts
you shouldn't stare at people 100% of the time anyway. | ||
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LetMeBeWithYou
Canada4254 Posts
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Scorpion
United States1974 Posts
This use to be my problem... I got it fixed! Just have lots of staring contests, trust me, it works. I now creep girls out because I stare at them in the eyes, even when not talking to them. They say my eyes sparkle so they keep looking ;D | ||
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Night[Mare
Mexico4793 Posts
Some girls get nervous (in the good way) when i look at them though : ) | ||
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niteReloaded
Croatia5281 Posts
so here: + Show Spoiler + ![[image loading]](http://www.geocities.com/soulsease1/forms/formimages/Eyes.jpg) ![[image loading]](http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/images/ency/fullsize/8624.jpg) ![[image loading]](http://www.daveltd.com/photo/macro/two-eyes.jpg) ![[image loading]](http://tricks.onigo.net/uploaded_images/show9_icon-713242.jpg){kind=icon} ![[image loading]](http://medicalimages.allrefer.com/large/crossed-eyes.jpg) | ||
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Skew
United States1019 Posts
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CharlieMurphy
United States22895 Posts
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InfeSteD
United States4658 Posts
But yeah, Eyecontact is really really important.. have ur friends help u outwith it .. it isnt that hard, all u have to concentrate on is by ACTUALLY paying attention/listening to the person ur tryin to look at.. | ||
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Polyphasic
United States841 Posts
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bdams19
United States1316 Posts
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OhThatDang
United States4685 Posts
i found that my new passion in girls is mostly their eyes!! | ||
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jjun212
Canada2208 Posts
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veryhotpink
China103 Posts
i like to check out how hot people are | ||
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byron
Angola21 Posts
i have self-confidence i have basic social skills | ||
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50CaL.AngeL
Canada69 Posts
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zizou21
United States3683 Posts
cool man, thats not wat this thread is about ffs | ||
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ZaplinG
United States3818 Posts
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clazziquai
6685 Posts
unless it's someone I know well, I'm SHY! :x so I sometimes don't look at them for like two seconds cuz im too shy >< | ||
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NotSorry
United States6722 Posts
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blabber
United States4448 Posts
On May 09 2008 03:59 zizou21 wrote: i love people who come to threads like this just to say "no" cool man, thats not wat this thread is about ffs "No" is a perfectly legitimate answer to the question "do you have trouble making eye contact?" Now, if the question was like, "Does anyone here have trouble making eye contact?" Now that'd be a different story | ||
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clazziquai
6685 Posts
On May 09 2008 03:59 zizou21 wrote: i love people who come to threads like this just to say "no" cool man, thats not wat this thread is about ffs i love people who come to threads like this just to not answer the question. cool man, thats not wat this thread is about ffs | ||
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zizou21
United States3683 Posts
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dronebabo
10866 Posts
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lesser_good
Canada698 Posts
i have no problems with eye contact | ||
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perisie xx
429 Posts
On May 09 2008 04:56 zizou21 wrote: that's not what i meant. i think the original poster brought up a really interesting, complicated, and important 'problem' that most people have to face with (whether or not they acknowledge it consciously) and some of the posters have actually had insightful posts, instead of people who think they are hot shit b/c they have leet social skills. i realize "no" is a perfectly legitimate answer, but it makes for a shitty fucking thread JLIG =( (btw i need a screenshot or photo of tasteless looking unhappy please pm me ) | ||
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ilj.psa
Peru3081 Posts
when they talk, try to think constantly on something funny to say to respond. btw how can people here say is gets awkward after 2 SECONDS? if you look away very 1-2 seconds people will think you are weird or not paying attention to them at all | ||
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MyLostTemple
United States2921 Posts
On May 09 2008 07:46 perisie xx wrote: JLIG =( (btw i need a screenshot or photo of tasteless looking unhappy please pm me ) what? | ||
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perisie xx
429 Posts
i need to add it to my smilie database ![[image loading]](http://img262.imageshack.us/img262/6366/smilingvh7.jpg) | ||
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ilj.psa
Peru3081 Posts
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