I admit, I've always had a terrible time looking at people's eyes when talking to them. I recently read that eye contact is one of the most important elements in conversations, creating and maintaining friendships,and giving people clues about your intentions.

So I recorded myself having a fake conversation. What I saw bothered me. Basically my eyes darted furiously around the room, I would roll my eyes and make gestures like something was bothering them. I barely maintained eye contact but I looked mentally disturbed.

I wonder if some of you guys have experiences or advice about this? And what do you feel about it? Have you thought about it at all or did it never cross your mind?

perisie xx

429 Posts

May 07 2008 08:52 GMT

very much depends on my mood, who i´m talking to, what the situation is, how im feeling

ie

a) mood could be happy so im looking up or dull so im looking down and dont care to look
b) could be a girl i like, or someone i want to give respect to. could be a co-worker, where i often respond without looking because i´m just co-operating in my job
c) see above
d) could have missed a shower and feel really uncomfortable and don´t wanna see anyone

avoiding eye contact can display as much "confidence" as drawing it, if you do it in the right situations and with the right people. classic example is walking into a classroom and NOT eyeing up all the girls.

right now i think im mostly avoiding it in general , half on purpose

there was a huge great post about this some time ago by someone

Polyphasic

United States841 Posts

May 07 2008 08:56 GMT

i love making meaningful eye contact with girls. it's like, they open up and your eyes can literally communicate stuff. but it takes a while to get to that stage. normally it's just polite eye contact rather than soul gazing.

MeriaDoKk

Chile1726 Posts

May 07 2008 09:10 GMT

pretty much depends on who im talking too, if its a really close friend or a girl that i like i tend to make eye contact

d.arkive

United States843 Posts

May 07 2008 09:14 GMT

I have trouble making eye contact with people when i'm NOT talking to them, the time right right before any person makes a statement. Until that statement is made, making eye contact doesn't have any apparent purpose, and it is so awkward just finding someone staring at you, with no certainty if he is going to talk or not.

gg_hertzz

2152 Posts

May 07 2008 09:17 GMT

so it seems like most people here don't think eye contact is that important or think about it at all. Which is fine, but it could be that you don't have a problem with it social wise.

but for people with certain disorders, a lack of eye contact becomes a symptom. that's why i think eye contact is one of the most underrated social skills. most don't even think about it.

ah well.

mel_ee

2450 Posts

May 07 2008 09:18 GMT

Eye contact came natural to me when i was a kid, then the computer AIM and all this internets screwed me over, I have however gotten over it and now gaze gracefully to either a girl or a friend.

What i did: Force my self to focus on their eyes, dont stare directly but kinda use peripherals. IF you have a hard time, just stare right in the middle of the eyebrows, its as similar.

mahnini

United States6862 Posts

May 07 2008 09:25 GMT

I find myself looking at peoples' mouths most of the time. I don't know why, I guess it's cause that's where all the action's at when people are talking. : \

perisie xx

429 Posts

May 07 2008 09:37 GMT

On May 07 2008 18:25 mahnini wrote:
I find myself looking at peoples' mouths most of the time. I don't know why, I guess it's cause that's where all the action's at when people are talking. : \

lol, i noticed this in virtually every movie..? the girls are always staring at the guys mouth (affection)

Boblion

France8043 Posts

May 07 2008 09:42 GMT

#10

I have no problem making eye contact when i'm angry. But when i'm not, it is sometimes hard, even with friends...

Problem solved: you have to be angry.

HonestTea

5007 Posts

May 07 2008 10:17 GMT

#11

quick tip: look at the bridge of their nose.

It's not the same, but it'll do if you can't make eye contact.

Eventually you should move on to real eye contact though.

Gryffindor_us

United States5606 Posts

May 07 2008 10:20 GMT

#12

When someone is speaking to me I maintain direct eye contact for the entirety of the conversation. If someone else starts speaking I will shift to them and occasionally look back at the other person. I'm not sure why I do this, it is a good thing I suppose.

But, I wouldn't worry so much about it because eye contact is only one form of communication. I guess if you're shifting about and looking around then you might seem nervous.

HeadBangaa

United States6512 Posts

May 07 2008 10:22 GMT

#13

I always imagine what that person is seeing when they look at me, and this gives me a purpose to look someone in the eye. Sometimes it's difficult to gauge how much eye contact to give though.

TreK

Sweden2089 Posts

May 07 2008 10:26 GMT

#14

eyecontact is hard, you feel exposed when looking directly into someones eyes that u dont know *that* well, i have to practise to maintain it...but it know I seem uninterested and insecure if I dont do it so i always force myself to do that eventho my body says no sometimes :s

Tadzio

3340 Posts

May 07 2008 10:33 GMT

#15

I cannot speak while looking directly into someone's eyes. My tongue ties. As long as I'm not speaking, though, I can maintain eye contact indefinitely... of course, I think that's a little unnerving for most people. Silence + eye contact is a bedroom thing, not a friend thing.

KoveN-

Australia504 Posts

May 07 2008 10:38 GMT

#16

No. This is a confidence issue. It's an issue with your belief system, whether it's a lack of belief in yourself or a limiting belief you created sometime in the past.

Do some soul searching or if you want the band aid solution, simply practice holding eye contact. The former though is the only real solution to this and many other problems that go with it.

CharlieMurphy

United States22895 Posts

May 07 2008 12:08 GMT

#17

just imagine yourself fighting with the person, you gotta be looking at them to see what they do next so you can counter or whatever.

ClockworkBlues

Canada74 Posts

May 07 2008 12:27 GMT

#18

I make a point of holding eye contact with certain people, I don't usually go out of my way to do it though. I used to be pretty shy so it's hard when I'm talking to someone that I'm intimidated by. I wouldn't worry about it too much.

KOFgokuon

United States14912 Posts

May 07 2008 12:32 GMT

#19

i do not hav ea problem