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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On January 29 2013 14:34 Suppressed wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:05 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? Should've manned up and just explained it nicely which way was correct. If you are wrong use the old saying that guys don't need directions and you will find it without needing to ask for help lol. She knew she was wrong and it's all her fault and then you brought it up that you were right, just tipped her over the edge and made her depressed. Gotta be more assertive and then reassuring that everything would be ok and it doesn't matter where you are as long as you are together to make her feel better etc. Know which battles to fight and which to give in to so you don't ruin the relationship. Most of the time she's gonna win the arguement, or at least let her think that lol. I can't tell her exactly which way was correct as we were just out from the sub station and i hasn't got the chance to think about it even. Though the fact is, i've serve the army before and generally speaking, i have very good sense of direction and will definitely figure out the way. Unfortunately, she insists to be in the driving seat. You were right, i brought it up and made her depressed. In that sense, my bad. And she made us walk 45 mins down a direction for nothing...but im suppose to apologize? It is abit weird isn't? Honestly, the second before she went on rampage, i was thinking she was gonna apologize instead. LOL totally wrong. I didn't went so mushy to say "as long as we are together" but i did assure to her "everything is alright". I have a sinking feeling that my encounters with women in the future will be the same and they just cannot be logical. This sucks shit...
Ya as long as you assured her after the breakdown thats about all you can do. Just make her feel like it's not her fault like you did. Apologizing was probably right only for the fact that you basically said "i told you so" but not for the breakdown and crying that happened. Something else was contributing to that fact and not just the getting lost part.
See you shouldve insisted that you were going the wrong direction. Use some of that army knowledge, make it seem like you wanna lead and be a man for her. Make it seem less like shes wrong and your right and instead make it like you wanna take charge instead and you think you found a shorter path or something. Just don't be negative when regarding anything her thoughts on the matter.
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On January 29 2013 14:30 samurai80 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? We're about the same age, it's funny I was with my last gf for like 5 years and I had so many of these quarrels with her. Especially the "seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for"  I mean, THIS ! For example I was a bit angry at her because she forgot something, or because she lost my stuff, or anything she could have done wrong, so I tried to tell her gently, and in the end she got angry, doesn't ever apologize and of course, I end up being the one apologizing a lot, so that she stops her hystery and we can go back to peace. I think that's what happen when from the start you're too kind to someone a bit self-centric with strong character. But if it's not in your nature to be more severe, then maybe it's better to give up with this kind of girls (this is the reason why we separated).
LOL. man. You totally get it, every part of it. It was after the episode that i began to understand that side of her being "self centric with strong character". - exactly how you said it.
Do you mean in my nature to be more "lenient" instead of "severe"? I always held strong grounds in standing for what i believe is right, no matter the circumstances. I liked her so much that i made that instant exception to apologize though i felt the opposite direction. Sigh... appreciate more advice from everyone who've either figure it all out or are in similar situation.
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On January 29 2013 14:45 Suppressed wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:30 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? We're about the same age, it's funny I was with my last gf for like 5 years and I had so many of these quarrels with her. Especially the "seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for" I mean, THIS ! For example I was a bit angry at her because she forgot something, or because she lost my stuff, or anything she could have done wrong, so I tried to tell her gently, and in the end she got angry, doesn't ever apologize and of course, I end up being the one apologizing a lot, so that she stops her hystery and we can go back to peace. I think that's what happen when from the start you're too kind to someone a bit self-centric with strong character. But if it's not in your nature to be more severe, then maybe it's better to give up with this kind of girls (this is the reason why we separated). LOL. man. You totally get it, every part of it. It was after the episode that i began to understand that side of her being "self centric with strong character". - exactly how you said it. Do you mean in my nature to be more "lenient" instead of "severe"? I always held strong grounds in standing for what i believe is right, no matter the circumstances. I liked her so much that i made that instant exception to apologize though i felt the opposite direction. Sigh... appreciate more advice from everyone who've either figure it all out or are in similar situation.
TBH I dunno about you maybe the cause is different but at least the symptoms are similar
In my case, I have sometimes hard time being strict (maybe I meant strict instead of severe) enough, so when I suddenly think "well she's obviously been bad, she's completely wrong, and she doesn't care at all -> I need to tell her I'm not happy with that" and begin making reproaches, then she gets crazy because I usually don't get angry so she doesnt understand.
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On January 29 2013 14:43 samurai80 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:29 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 14:21 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 14:15 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:56 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:54 BlazeFury01 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:52 KwarK wrote:On January 29 2013 13:50 BlazeFury01 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:46 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:46 BlazeFury01 wrote:
[quote]
No but the physical attraction to get the girls attention in the first place does. Confidence can't replace ugliness lol You just have to be an average guy and not be like hideous, attitude and personality does the rest. Sometimes it does, it depends on her situation though. But if you're an average guy who's to say that a guy who's above average wouldn't take your girl? Just saying. If she's your girl, nobody is taking her. If someone takes her, clearly wasn't your girl. Make her your girl and she won't give a shit about anyone else. If she's just waiting for someone better to come along then you've fucked up somewhere. lol no doubt. But sometimes you don't even have to fuck up for her to be waiting for somebody better. It's just something that happens sometimes. Then she was never your girl. She was using you basically. It seems you think girls are just looking for hunks of meat and will switch out whenever a better looking stalion comes along. Hmmm, nah I agree with BlazeFury on this. I mean in an ideal world, your gf will only think about you and you will be sure she stays with u forever. This is what normally happen with a good relationship. But you have to consider the possibility of something going wrong so that you may not be the one and only to her forever. Especially if you live in a big city or somewhere that gives your gf the opportunity to meet a lot of peiple. In my opinion, thinking of this possibility in itself is actually a first step to keep on being the one and only. If you think she will never be interested in any other guy, then that's were you might screw up actually, being too carelless about being the best. If you do something wrong and mess the relationship up thats one thing but if you are in a happy relationship together and shes happy theres is absolutely no reason to worry about her going off with some other dude. Unless you have trust issues this shouldn't be a problem keeping a girlfriend that is alrdy yours. She isn't going to leave you for another guy and if she does she was truly never the one in the first place. Exactly. A cheater is going to cheat regardless of what you do. Worrying about it just causes unneeded stress in a relationship. Well I basically agree, I mean I actually never had this kind of problem (or at least I'm pretty sure), but I think worrying about it can be good for your couple. Well I'm not the kind of guy who is gonna be stressed that much about that, but caring about it is still important so you keep on being romantic, handsome, etc... I dunno what kind of girls you have met until now, I've been with a few japanese girls, one of them for a long time. Many of them have so unreal ideals. This is not making them bitches looking for "hunks of meat", but still it means you may not be 100% the ideal man for your girlfriend. Obviously they know their ideals are almost impossible to fulfill, also I believe they are not gonna cheat on you that easily, still shit happens.
No, worrying about it is not good. Never. I mean, if there's some sleezebag hitting on your girl right in front of you and you don't do anything, that's a different story. What I'm talking about is when she's harmlessly hanging out with some friends who happen to be guys and you're flipping out asking questions and worrying constantly that she might cheat on you with one of them.
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On January 29 2013 14:58 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:43 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 14:29 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 14:21 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 14:15 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:56 Zooper31 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:54 BlazeFury01 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:52 KwarK wrote:On January 29 2013 13:50 BlazeFury01 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:46 Zooper31 wrote:
[quote]
You just have to be an average guy and not be like hideous, attitude and personality does the rest. Sometimes it does, it depends on her situation though. But if you're an average guy who's to say that a guy who's above average wouldn't take your girl? Just saying. If she's your girl, nobody is taking her. If someone takes her, clearly wasn't your girl. Make her your girl and she won't give a shit about anyone else. If she's just waiting for someone better to come along then you've fucked up somewhere. lol no doubt. But sometimes you don't even have to fuck up for her to be waiting for somebody better. It's just something that happens sometimes. Then she was never your girl. She was using you basically. It seems you think girls are just looking for hunks of meat and will switch out whenever a better looking stalion comes along. Hmmm, nah I agree with BlazeFury on this. I mean in an ideal world, your gf will only think about you and you will be sure she stays with u forever. This is what normally happen with a good relationship. But you have to consider the possibility of something going wrong so that you may not be the one and only to her forever. Especially if you live in a big city or somewhere that gives your gf the opportunity to meet a lot of peiple. In my opinion, thinking of this possibility in itself is actually a first step to keep on being the one and only. If you think she will never be interested in any other guy, then that's were you might screw up actually, being too carelless about being the best. If you do something wrong and mess the relationship up thats one thing but if you are in a happy relationship together and shes happy theres is absolutely no reason to worry about her going off with some other dude. Unless you have trust issues this shouldn't be a problem keeping a girlfriend that is alrdy yours. She isn't going to leave you for another guy and if she does she was truly never the one in the first place. Exactly. A cheater is going to cheat regardless of what you do. Worrying about it just causes unneeded stress in a relationship. Well I basically agree, I mean I actually never had this kind of problem (or at least I'm pretty sure), but I think worrying about it can be good for your couple. Well I'm not the kind of guy who is gonna be stressed that much about that, but caring about it is still important so you keep on being romantic, handsome, etc... I dunno what kind of girls you have met until now, I've been with a few japanese girls, one of them for a long time. Many of them have so unreal ideals. This is not making them bitches looking for "hunks of meat", but still it means you may not be 100% the ideal man for your girlfriend. Obviously they know their ideals are almost impossible to fulfill, also I believe they are not gonna cheat on you that easily, still shit happens. No, worrying about it is not good. Never. I mean, if there's some sleezebag hitting on your girl right in front of you and you don't do anything, that's a different story. What I'm talking about is when she's harmlessly hanging out with some friends who happen to be guys and you're flipping out asking questions and worrying constantly that she might cheat on you with one of them.
Not too much this kind of worry, but I meant caring about being the best for her is important.
I'm actually from France and I actually read in a japanese magazine that french people had sex a lot even after a long time being married because they worry about their woman/man being interested in someone else (well it was not exactly said like this but in a nutshell that's what it was about). It says that this kind of pressure makes their couple happier. To be honest I had never thought about this before but there must be something true about it in french culture, though it was in a crappy magazine I read at my haidresser's. I think this is especially surprising for japanese as they almost don't have sex after a few years of marriage.
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United Arab Emirates5090 Posts
On January 29 2013 14:45 Suppressed wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:30 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? We're about the same age, it's funny I was with my last gf for like 5 years and I had so many of these quarrels with her. Especially the "seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for" I mean, THIS ! For example I was a bit angry at her because she forgot something, or because she lost my stuff, or anything she could have done wrong, so I tried to tell her gently, and in the end she got angry, doesn't ever apologize and of course, I end up being the one apologizing a lot, so that she stops her hystery and we can go back to peace. I think that's what happen when from the start you're too kind to someone a bit self-centric with strong character. But if it's not in your nature to be more severe, then maybe it's better to give up with this kind of girls (this is the reason why we separated). LOL. man. You totally get it, every part of it. It was after the episode that i began to understand that side of her being "self centric with strong character". - exactly how you said it. Do you mean in my nature to be more "lenient" instead of "severe"? I always held strong grounds in standing for what i believe is right, no matter the circumstances. I liked her so much that i made that instant exception to apologize though i felt the opposite direction. Sigh... appreciate more advice from everyone who've either figure it all out or are in similar situation.
I don't even get into relationships with those girls anymore. I'll put up with that kind of crap once or twice just to bang her, but after that I will make it pretty damn clear why I am breaking up with her.
Girls will try to guilt trip you into being nice and agree to whatever whimsical demands they put forth, blaming their periods and feelings and shit, but in the end, they are just trying to see how far they can bend you before you break, like a child crying for candy.
If you put up with that shit storm tantrum time and time again you are just a spineless coward scared that you can't get pussy another way. I just cannot and will not deal with that level of idiocy and disrespect.
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On January 29 2013 16:38 pyrogenetix wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 14:45 Suppressed wrote:On January 29 2013 14:30 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? We're about the same age, it's funny I was with my last gf for like 5 years and I had so many of these quarrels with her. Especially the "seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for" I mean, THIS ! For example I was a bit angry at her because she forgot something, or because she lost my stuff, or anything she could have done wrong, so I tried to tell her gently, and in the end she got angry, doesn't ever apologize and of course, I end up being the one apologizing a lot, so that she stops her hystery and we can go back to peace. I think that's what happen when from the start you're too kind to someone a bit self-centric with strong character. But if it's not in your nature to be more severe, then maybe it's better to give up with this kind of girls (this is the reason why we separated). LOL. man. You totally get it, every part of it. It was after the episode that i began to understand that side of her being "self centric with strong character". - exactly how you said it. Do you mean in my nature to be more "lenient" instead of "severe"? I always held strong grounds in standing for what i believe is right, no matter the circumstances. I liked her so much that i made that instant exception to apologize though i felt the opposite direction. Sigh... appreciate more advice from everyone who've either figure it all out or are in similar situation. I don't even get into relationships with those girls anymore. I'll put up with that kind of crap once or twice just to bang her, but after that I will make it pretty damn clear why I am breaking up with her. Girls will try to guilt trip you into being nice and agree to whatever whimsical demands they put forth, blaming their periods and feelings and shit, but in the end, they are just trying to see how far they can bend you before you break, like a child crying for candy. If you put up with that shit storm tantrum time and time again you are just a spineless coward scared that you can't get pussy another way. I just cannot and will not deal with that level of idiocy and disrespect.
That's a bit gross of a way to explain things. Not that I don't agree with you at all, but I do not think that things are that simple if you want to get something else than a "pussy" out of a relationship.
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On January 29 2013 18:15 samurai80 wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 16:38 pyrogenetix wrote:On January 29 2013 14:45 Suppressed wrote:On January 29 2013 14:30 samurai80 wrote:On January 29 2013 13:59 Suppressed wrote:
I'm 30, with very average looks and very average job. Basically i'm your "Average Joe". I'm single and have girlfriends in the past. I've recently dated someone but it just didn't work out for us. I find her interesting and i'm pretty sure its mutual. We even travelled together and dated multiple times. There were times we enjoyed each other's company but also times when we have quarrels that nobody is willing to give in. I could understand the fact that men and women are two different species and gentlemen should always (probably) give in even under the most ridiculous circumstance.
Example: During our travel in a foreign country, she insist direction A leads to place X. I look at the map she is holding and told her pretty gentlely but confidently that i do not think so. She questions me that i don't trust her. So i said ok "I trust you". And for the next 45 mins, we walk down direction A and stops only when we reach a dead end and she went speechless. I suggest to her: "follow me now, ok?". She went on a rampage and even nearly cried like i just bullied her or something. I've never said any of the above in any demanding or commanding tone and instead went as gentle as i could. In the end, i had to apologize (seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for) to stop her rampage. LOL?
But here is the issue i'm having a hard time convincing to myself: Is this shit really worth it? If yes, what can i do to change my mindset about it... or are there ways to go around it.
How many bros out there has been through such issues and come out of it? We're about the same age, it's funny I was with my last gf for like 5 years and I had so many of these quarrels with her. Especially the "seriously i have no idea what i'm apologizing for" I mean, THIS ! For example I was a bit angry at her because she forgot something, or because she lost my stuff, or anything she could have done wrong, so I tried to tell her gently, and in the end she got angry, doesn't ever apologize and of course, I end up being the one apologizing a lot, so that she stops her hystery and we can go back to peace. I think that's what happen when from the start you're too kind to someone a bit self-centric with strong character. But if it's not in your nature to be more severe, then maybe it's better to give up with this kind of girls (this is the reason why we separated). LOL. man. You totally get it, every part of it. It was after the episode that i began to understand that side of her being "self centric with strong character". - exactly how you said it. Do you mean in my nature to be more "lenient" instead of "severe"? I always held strong grounds in standing for what i believe is right, no matter the circumstances. I liked her so much that i made that instant exception to apologize though i felt the opposite direction. Sigh... appreciate more advice from everyone who've either figure it all out or are in similar situation. I don't even get into relationships with those girls anymore. I'll put up with that kind of crap once or twice just to bang her, but after that I will make it pretty damn clear why I am breaking up with her. Girls will try to guilt trip you into being nice and agree to whatever whimsical demands they put forth, blaming their periods and feelings and shit, but in the end, they are just trying to see how far they can bend you before you break, like a child crying for candy. If you put up with that shit storm tantrum time and time again you are just a spineless coward scared that you can't get pussy another way. I just cannot and will not deal with that level of idiocy and disrespect. That's a bit gross of a way to explain things. Not that I don't agree with you at all, but I do not think that things are that simple if you want to get something else than a "pussy" out of a relationship.
Yeah, essentially a good point terribly delivered.
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
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On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all.
I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism).
I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together.
It goes both ways.
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On January 29 2013 21:42 Zeepje wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all. I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism). I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together. It goes both ways.
Personally i do not blame the girl or any girl whatsoever. As mentioned before, i do understand that men and women have differences, and the next girl that comes along, is probably the same shit different day.
The thing is, i do not understand how to come to terms with that. Matter of fact, how does anyone out there does that? The middleground is really such a fine line to thread on that i couldn't figure it out for God's sake. It can't really be that difficult right? What do we do if we are held hostage by someone you are interested to continue a relationship with?
You give in and u are spineless, you dont give in and they think you're an arrogant asshole, you try explaining facts/logics and you are a boring preacher, you ignore it and the next time they hold 2 hostages instead of 1. I could be totally wrong here but that's how i see it now.
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On January 29 2013 23:15 Suppressed wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 21:42 Zeepje wrote:On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all. I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism). I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together. It goes both ways. Personally i do not blame the girl or any girl whatsoever. As mentioned before, i do understand that men and women have differences, and the next girl that comes along, is probably the same shit different day. The thing is, i do not understand how to come to terms with that. Matter of fact, how does anyone out there does that? The middleground is really such a fine line to thread on that i couldn't figure it out for God's sake. It can't really be that difficult right? What do we do if we are held hostage by someone you are interested to continue a relationship with? You give in and u are spineless, you dont give in and they think you're an arrogant asshole, you try explaining facts/logics and you are a boring preacher, you ignore it and the next time they hold 2 hostages instead of 1. I could be totally wrong here but that's how i see it now.
Maybe you shouldn't zoom in so much on one event, but consider it over a period of time you spent together? Giving in some cases does not make you spineless if in general you don't give in. The other way around, you are not an asshole if you (with reason) go against her some times.
But really, to me this is just how relationships work? You give some, you take some? Seems kind of an innate understanding we humans should have. If you are really so adverse to giving, maybe the single, free life is more for you?
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On January 29 2013 11:51 Dosey wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:On January 28 2013 19:03 vgijamven wrote:+ Show Spoiler +My background: (spoilered to keep the post short) + Show Spoiler +I am a male unkissed virgin, 23 years old. Ever since I hit puberty I’ve been a very quiet and a bit of a anti-social person. Basically I was (and to some extend still am) the term “beta” personified. My looks are average at best, I’m fairly muscular, and I have 0 fashion sense. I spent a lot of my childhood playing games, and I basically spent all of my teenage years playing World of Warcraft with friends from my gymnasium (10 to 12th grade) class.
This has led to me not having many friends at all, altho the few friends that I have I am very close to. And I especially have never had any female friends or any experience in talking to women (besides my sister whom I’m also very close to).
My first encounter with love was brief during summer 2012, where I sort of fell in love with a woman at my summer job, but I quickly learned she was in fact a lesbian (that’s what I get for having a thing for women with short hair, eh?) so that love didn’t really have time to manifest, and I got over it quickly. Looking back, I think I basically fell in love with her because she was the first woman I’ve met who didn’t seem to mind talking to me, and looked at me for more than 0.1 seconds. (Full beta, or what?) So in August, I started a new education to become a .NET Software Engineer. In this class, there is this woman whom I sort of sit next to (one empty chair between us) furthest back in the classroom. I found her interesting from the beginning. During the autumn, I tried to find something to at least exchange some words with her every week, even though I had absolutely no idea how to talk to a girl. This went so-so. Anyhow, when the 3rd course started around the beginning of November, we had a group assignment in which she and I decided to form a group, together with 2 others. This is where we added each other on Skype and really started talking to each other. On Skype, she is very easy to talk to. It’s just as easy as talking to one of my closest friends. We can sometimes spend 1-3 hours talking about different stuff, asking each other questions and discussing stuff. In school it was still difficult to talk to her. Not only because I have no clue how to talk to women, but I also realized after a while that she wasn’t really giving good responses for me to work with, to start up a conversation. Her answers were usually short and concise, and during breaks she seemed more interested in doing stuff on her smartphone and/or computer than talking to me. (To this day, I don’t think she has taken any initiative in starting a face-to-face conversation in school, but she does it all the time in Skype chats.) After about a month, in the beginning of December, (on a Thursday evening) she mentions someone she refers to as her “date” she was going to meet that Friday evening. This is when I realized I was in love with her, as I felt the by now familiar feeling that is love, she had also introduced me to a new feeling – extreme jealousy. That weekend was one of my worst days of my life. Today, I haven’t seen her since 21st of December. She is hardworking and talented, but she’s doesn’t come to school very often. My problem:After Week 7 we are going on internships that last til summer. This means I won’t see her again until the end of August. The mere thought of this is tearing me apart from the inside. I think of her ALL the time. Furthermore, the penultimate/next to last day before we head off to our internships is Valentine’s Day here in Sweden. I can’t make my mind up if I’m gonna confess my feelings to her or not. With the Valentine’s Day timing, it almost feels “destined” to do so. But is there even a point to confessing your feelings to someone who already has a “special somebody”? Or is it even someone special? I have absolutely zero clue what a “date” is, or what her definition of the word is. I have no idea how serious they are in their “relationship”. I know they gave each other Christmas presents, that’s about it. Should I do it for the sake of myself, to hear her reject me so I can move on with my life? I’m 95% certain she has no feelings for me. The two scenarios:Don’t confess – I either “hope” her relationship doesn’t work and/or hope that she develops feelings for me over time. Or I dedicate this time where I won’t meet her to get over my feelings for her. Confess – Which approach do I take? The cautious one “I wanted to say that I like you and am interested in you.”, or do I take the full-hearted approach “I have been in love with you for 2 months. I think about you all the time - you are the first thought when I wake up and the last before I fall asleep.” If you read all this, thank you for your time. I tried to keep it short. Any advice would be appreciated, whatever that might be. I can’t really think straight when it comes to this woman. So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day. That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it. Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better. Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date. Getting the "yes" is the first step. It doesn't matter how he gets it. The next part (a successful "date") is totally up to him. Personally, I don't consider anything less than a $200 night at a restaurant a date. Everything else is just two friends hanging out/feeling each other out. If he just looks at it that way, that might take some pressure off as well.
hahahahahaahhahaa wow this may be the single most pretentious posts i have ever seen in my many years on this site
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I got rejected today by a girl who I had an interest in for a few weeks. She figured it out on her own and asked to meet me and pretty much cut to the chase. There was really no point in denying it or anything.
She was pretty straightforward with it, which I appreciated, because most girls I've ever encountered all led me on some wild goose chase. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't see me in that way. Which is what I expected personally, especially since she's going through a really busy time in her life (academically).
I took it in good stride, laughed it off and told her not to be ashamed/feel awkward in what she decided (she had her head down and basically mumbled her response). I joked around for a bit to make her feel less awkward, and then we parted ways. I don't know how she's going to react since we're in the same club, but I know I'm going to about business as usual. I'd like to think I responded in the best possible manner, although it'll sting for a few days.
But I'm a bit confused on one matter. One of my female friends told me to keep her around, because she might change her mind once she knows me better (we've gotten to know each other for almost two months now). One of my best friends told me to cut all connections and find someone else. I think both have valid points; this girl is really caring, sweet and fun to be around, but at the same time, I'm not going to center my life around her; I'm going to go at my own pace and if another girl comes around, I'll try my luck again. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if my female friend's advice has any truth to it at all.
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On January 30 2013 12:03 Sitinte wrote:
I got rejected today by a girl who I had an interest in for a few weeks. She figured it out on her own and asked to meet me and pretty much cut to the chase. There was really no point in denying it or anything.
She was pretty straightforward with it, which I appreciated, because most girls I've ever encountered all led me on some wild goose chase. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't see me in that way. Which is what I expected personally, especially since she's going through a really busy time in her life (academically).
I took it in good stride, laughed it off and told her not to be ashamed/feel awkward in what she decided (she had her head down and basically mumbled her response). I joked around for a bit to make her feel less awkward, and then we parted ways. I don't know how she's going to react since we're in the same club, but I know I'm going to about business as usual. I'd like to think I responded in the best possible manner, although it'll sting for a few days.
But I'm a bit confused on one matter. One of my female friends told me to keep her around, because she might change her mind once she knows me better (we've gotten to know each other for almost two months now). One of my best friends told me to cut all connections and find someone else. I think both have valid points; this girl is really caring, sweet and fun to be around, but at the same time, I'm not going to center my life around her; I'm going to go at my own pace and if another girl comes around, I'll try my luck again. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if my female friend's advice has any truth to it at all.
If you can hang around the girl without getting attached or expecting things to change, then do it. Otherwise it's best to cut connections.
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United Arab Emirates5090 Posts
On January 29 2013 23:15 Suppressed wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 21:42 Zeepje wrote:On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all. I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism). I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together. It goes both ways. Personally i do not blame the girl or any girl whatsoever. As mentioned before, i do understand that men and women have differences, and the next girl that comes along, is probably the same shit different day. The thing is, i do not understand how to come to terms with that. Matter of fact, how does anyone out there does that? The middleground is really such a fine line to thread on that i couldn't figure it out for God's sake. It can't really be that difficult right? What do we do if we are held hostage by someone you are interested to continue a relationship with? You give in and u are spineless, you dont give in and they think you're an arrogant asshole, you try explaining facts/logics and you are a boring preacher, you ignore it and the next time they hold 2 hostages instead of 1. I could be totally wrong here but that's how i see it now.
There actually are girls out there that are responsive to logical discussion. I have met a handful of girls like that. The majority will just take your logic and throw it back into your face, just like the previously mentioned orienteering example. The question is, do you love her enough that you put up with this kind of childish behavior?
I've realized more and more that I don't love girls like that much, that I was just persuading myself that I loved her while in fact I just wanted to fuck a pretty girl. Maybe that's just me, but I do not find the ditzy, airheaded, rainbows and unicorns type of girls attractive anymore.
Try to talk to her about science and she hides behind superstition and horoscopes.
Try to talk about world politics, and she says she would rather be ignorant and imagine the world is at peace.
Some girls have just realized at some stage of their lives that they can get by on their looks exclusively, that if they act pretty and innocent then the world will overlook their lacking intellect. Look at Kim Kardashian. I have no problem fucking her, but ask me to be her boyfriend? Nope.
I just cannot spend any extended period of time with a girl like that. I don't find it cute nor adorable. Some men just want to keep a stupid and pretty girl like they keep a pet. I actually want to be able to bounce ideas off her and have a normal conversation.
I think it just comes down to what you want out of a relationship.
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On January 30 2013 12:03 Sitinte wrote:
I got rejected today by a girl who I had an interest in for a few weeks. She figured it out on her own and asked to meet me and pretty much cut to the chase. There was really no point in denying it or anything.
She was pretty straightforward with it, which I appreciated, because most girls I've ever encountered all led me on some wild goose chase. She said she wasn't looking for a relationship and didn't see me in that way. Which is what I expected personally, especially since she's going through a really busy time in her life (academically).
I took it in good stride, laughed it off and told her not to be ashamed/feel awkward in what she decided (she had her head down and basically mumbled her response). I joked around for a bit to make her feel less awkward, and then we parted ways. I don't know how she's going to react since we're in the same club, but I know I'm going to about business as usual. I'd like to think I responded in the best possible manner, although it'll sting for a few days.
But I'm a bit confused on one matter. One of my female friends told me to keep her around, because she might change her mind once she knows me better (we've gotten to know each other for almost two months now). One of my best friends told me to cut all connections and find someone else. I think both have valid points; this girl is really caring, sweet and fun to be around, but at the same time, I'm not going to center my life around her; I'm going to go at my own pace and if another girl comes around, I'll try my luck again. I guess what I'm trying to ask is if my female friend's advice has any truth to it at all.
No problem with remaining friends with the girl. If something forms from that, fine, if not, you still have a friend. No one can ever have too many friends. It all just depends on whether or not you are capable of doing that without getting attached and being weird.
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On January 30 2013 12:44 pyrogenetix wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 23:15 Suppressed wrote:On January 29 2013 21:42 Zeepje wrote:On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all. I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism). I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together. It goes both ways. Personally i do not blame the girl or any girl whatsoever. As mentioned before, i do understand that men and women have differences, and the next girl that comes along, is probably the same shit different day. The thing is, i do not understand how to come to terms with that. Matter of fact, how does anyone out there does that? The middleground is really such a fine line to thread on that i couldn't figure it out for God's sake. It can't really be that difficult right? What do we do if we are held hostage by someone you are interested to continue a relationship with? You give in and u are spineless, you dont give in and they think you're an arrogant asshole, you try explaining facts/logics and you are a boring preacher, you ignore it and the next time they hold 2 hostages instead of 1. I could be totally wrong here but that's how i see it now. There actually are girls out there that are responsive to logical discussion. I have met a handful of girls like that. The majority will just take your logic and throw it back into your face, just like the previously mentioned orienteering example. The question is, do you love her enough that you put up with this kind of childish behavior? I've realized more and more that I don't love girls like that much, that I was just persuading myself that I loved her while in fact I just wanted to fuck a pretty girl. Maybe that's just me, but I do not find the ditzy, airheaded, rainbows and unicorns type of girls attractive anymore. Try to talk to her about science and she hides behind superstition and horoscopes. Try to talk about world politics, and she says she would rather be ignorant and imagine the world is at peace. Some girls have just realized at some stage of their lives that they can get by on their looks exclusively, that if they act pretty and innocent then the world will overlook their lacking intellect. Look at Kim Kardashian. I have no problem fucking her, but ask me to be her boyfriend? Nope. I just cannot spend any extended period of time with a girl like that. I don't find it cute nor adorable. Some men just want to keep a stupid and pretty girl like they keep a pet. I actually want to be able to bounce ideas off her and have a normal conversation. I think it just comes down to what you want out of a relationship.
While most attractive girls are immature because they can afford to be, there's still girls out there who are better than that.
Don't give up, and don't lower your standards.
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On January 30 2013 12:44 pyrogenetix wrote:Show nested quote +On January 29 2013 23:15 Suppressed wrote:On January 29 2013 21:42 Zeepje wrote:On January 29 2013 18:51 kafkaesque wrote:
There's a middleground between being a spineless cuckold and a total asshole.
Exactly. Compromising goes both ways. Unhealthy relationships always have at least this one ingredient: one person not catering to the other's wishes at all. I've been going strong with my girl for three years now, and yes I had the same arguments about direction and driving and what not (all those things we men have a somewhat more efficient take on, excuse my sexism). I'm just not gonna tell her everytime she's wrong simply because that would make me a total dick, and in the end I would lose her. Even more importantly, I don't want her to tell me everytime I am wrong. For example when I decide it is ok to play a game of starcraft when actually she was looking forward to doing something together. It goes both ways. Personally i do not blame the girl or any girl whatsoever. As mentioned before, i do understand that men and women have differences, and the next girl that comes along, is probably the same shit different day. The thing is, i do not understand how to come to terms with that. Matter of fact, how does anyone out there does that? The middleground is really such a fine line to thread on that i couldn't figure it out for God's sake. It can't really be that difficult right? What do we do if we are held hostage by someone you are interested to continue a relationship with? You give in and u are spineless, you dont give in and they think you're an arrogant asshole, you try explaining facts/logics and you are a boring preacher, you ignore it and the next time they hold 2 hostages instead of 1. I could be totally wrong here but that's how i see it now. There actually are girls out there that are responsive to logical discussion. I have met a handful of girls like that. The majority will just take your logic and throw it back into your face, just like the previously mentioned orienteering example. The question is, do you love her enough that you put up with this kind of childish behavior? I've realized more and more that I don't love girls like that much, that I was just persuading myself that I loved her while in fact I just wanted to fuck a pretty girl. Maybe that's just me, but I do not find the ditzy, airheaded, rainbows and unicorns type of girls attractive anymore. Try to talk to her about science and she hides behind superstition and horoscopes. Try to talk about world politics, and she says she would rather be ignorant and imagine the world is at peace. Some girls have just realized at some stage of their lives that they can get by on their looks exclusively, that if they act pretty and innocent then the world will overlook their lacking intellect. Look at Kim Kardashian. I have no problem fucking her, but ask me to be her boyfriend? Nope. I just cannot spend any extended period of time with a girl like that. I don't find it cute nor adorable. Some men just want to keep a stupid and pretty girl like they keep a pet. I actually want to be able to bounce ideas off her and have a normal conversation. I think it just comes down to what you want out of a relationship.
Me and my ex we got along pretty well in day to day stuff but essentially we were complete opposites when it came to philosophy, politics, religion, society, mentality etc. etc.
In the beginning we used to have very long and good arguments about philosophy, politics and various other subjects and we would probably disagree in 90% of them and in 5% of the remaining 10% I liked playing devils advocate just for the sake of a good conversation.
I really liked this, sometimes we spend whole days in bed going back and forth between sex and talking, doing nothing else and it never got boring.
Over the course of the relationship she changed though, she started disliking these conversations and in the end avoided talking about anything "serious" because in her opinion it always ended in a fight and made her realize how different we were.
I never saw it as fighting, just as having a good argument. I liked our differences because it was intellectually very stimulating and even if you can almost never change someones opinion during an argument, that never was the goal of it anyway. Rather it always was a good learning process seeing different viewpoints and after thinking about it for some days sometimes change came from within.
I don't know why she changed, maybe she saw it as fighting because she didn't realize that for me it wasn't about changing her opinion but about intellectual stimulation, or maybe she was starting to think about marriage and taking it a step further and thought somehow something would change and you would need to be more similar to make it work.
No Idea really, but I am still looking for a girl that is the complete opposite of me, because even though it might be more work sometimes to get along it's also a lot more rewarding and interesting.
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On January 30 2013 12:10 Zooper31 wrote:
If you can hang around the girl without getting attached or expecting things to change, then do it. Otherwise it's best to cut connections.
On January 30 2013 12:47 Dosey wrote:
No problem with remaining friends with the girl. If something forms from that, fine, if not, you still have a friend. No one can ever have too many friends. It all just depends on whether or not you are capable of doing that without getting attached and being weird.
Yeah, I'm not worried about getting weird and creepy around her or expecting things to change. I'm just doing my own thing and if she's there, she's there. I've already accepted that pretty quickly and I should be fully over it once I sleep it off.
But it's weird how life throws curveballs at you. Two hours after being rejected, a girl gave me her number and asked me out to dinner later this week. Personally not interested at the moment after what happened tonight but we'll see what happens.
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+ Show Spoiler +On January 28 2013 19:16 Deimos0 wrote:
Frankly, I've had problems like you. Now I think you shouldn't go all in with your confessions. Especially if you feel she's not interested in you. There always (well maybe not 100% always) are some signals that a girl likes you more than anyone. If she's dating someone and she didn't give you anything to think about then unfortunately I think you should let her go. I know it's not optimistic scenario, but judging from my own experience, it's pointless to let yourself get hurt over a woman, who's not going to share your feelings. You gained some experience, use it to find someone worth your efforts.
On January 28 2013 21:37 ulfryc wrote:
Don't confess, that's almost never the right move. Just ask her out for a date, if you want you can do it super romantically at valentines day or something.
On January 28 2013 23:57 weareallclowns wrote:
The Approach
The "don't confess, wait till she's in love with you" approach won't work. Ask her out on a date, but don't be like "I have been in love with you for so long...", that'll just scare her off probably, you should try to be more chilled (though that might be hard) and say something like: "Do you have plans for tonight? Cause I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee?"
A movie might be too much, also you won't talk much with each other, and you might end up just saying goodbye outside the theatre. A restaurant can be fine, though don't go to the most expensive one. A cosy one with good food you know of is probably best.
Girls are aware that it can be hard asking the opposite sex out on dates, and she will appreciate it if you show that you "got some balls" and just ask her.
Her "date" can be a lot of things. If you don't ask her out and find out, you won't know, basically.
If she says she already has a boyfriend, at least you found out, and it'll be a lot easier to move on and still be friends if you keep it chilled. Imagine if a girl spilt her guts to you and you had to reject her because you didn't feel the same way, how hard it would be to keep being friends afterwards.
The Date
This is a place for you to find out more about each other, so you need to ask her questions about her, just as she is going to ask you questions about you.
Be confident, or at least act like you are.
Don't agree with her on everything just because it's her, be honest and say your opinions as you would to a friend.
And lastly, be yourself, don't act cool, girls don't like fake cool guys. (not saying you aren't cool, hehe, but you get what I'm saying)
I got many of these advices from girls myself, so that's my reference. On January 29 2013 04:51 matthewfoulkes wrote:
seconded so hard, just please please don't go the 'confess' route, the whole idea of confessing makes it sound like being sexually attracted to someone is wrong......, it might be quite out of character but just say something to her, by the sounds of it you don't know her that much and your proclamations of love might be exaggerations....just do something about just ring her up or ask if she wants to hang out after a class or some shit, its not that hard honestly, you have to find that killer instinct inside yourself and just pull the trigger and shoot, shoot enough times and you'll hit. On January 29 2013 05:40 KO_SharpMind wrote:
I'm a major lurker on these forums but I had to reply to you.
I used to be in a situation, that you could say was sort of similar to the one that you are talking about. There was this girl, my current gf now, that I really liked. We went to the same high school and for 3 years I did nothing, and then finally one day I started talking to her, and eventually asked her out on a date, and for the past 2 and a half years we've had plenty of more amazing dates.
During one of your skype conversations just ask her out. It doesn't need to be anything big, or special. A movie and a dinner, or an activity that you both enjoy doing. If you really like her as much as you say, then through your actions when you are out with her she will see how much you really like her. You normally don't need to tell someone you like them, your actions and behavior when you are with them is, in most cases, enough. Through the time what you spend together you will also be able to tell how she feels about you.
You could also just tell her that you like her and ask her out. But don't make it seem like a confession, as someone said above. That can at times turn a girl off. Just be friendly, and most of all BE YOURSELF, things will work out. On January 29 2013 06:53 Alryk wrote:
Personally I'd disagree with asking her out on skype. Not for the first date (for later ones; sure). It is definitely an excuse to not be face to face, and it kind of kills the whole confidence vibe you're trying to put out. Be man enough to ask her to her face - if she declines a cup of coffee and you're friends, she's weird. On January 29 2013 09:29 Dosey wrote:
So... You've been talking to this girl for a while and haven't even found out for sure if she's single or not? That's usually one of the first three topics of discussion when talking to a female you are interested in (unless at a club/bar, because you don't want to know then). I'm afraid you don't even know enough about this girl to be in love with her, hell, I don't even believe you know what "love" is. What this sounds like is a case of infatuation with her because she's actually given you the time of day.
That said, just ask her out. The worst she can say is no. Skype, text, in person, whatever. If she's more talkative on Skype, that's your best bet because maybe she has the same problem as you in person. This "man" shit some of these guys are spouting is nonsense. If a girl likes you, they don't give a fuck how you ask them out. If she's so superficial as to say "Oh, he didn't ask me out in person. He's not MAN enough for me!" then maybe she isn't for you...? On January 29 2013 09:42 Alryk wrote:
I might have exaggerated the "bad" part of asking her out on skype, but you're underexaggerating it... having the balls to ask somebody in person is always much better than sending them a message where you can crawl into a corner if you get rejected. If we're spouting about how confidence attracts women, starting a relationship in a way that give you a "get away from the conversation free" card isn't the best way to do it.
Either confidence attracts women, or it doesn't. If it does, then you should be as confident as possible from the get go - i.e. talk to her face to face. Now, if for some reason you both absolutely fail at human conversation, then people go to skype sometimes. But generally, face to face is considered better.
Although I do agree that it is infatuation. It's pretty hard to go from never having dated somebody to totally in love that quickly imo. On January 29 2013 10:06 Dosey wrote:
The way he described her and the way she talks to him on skype/in person. Skype is absolutely his best bet. If he gets her where they are both uncomfortable, it creates the least favorable situation for the both of them. Asking a girl out isn't just about confidence. It's about being able to read the situations properly and executing your objective based on your reads. Much like sales. On January 29 2013 10:27 Najda wrote:
I feel like it would just create an even worse in-person situation though because as far as I can tell they've never had any meaningful contact in person which would make the first date really awkward. On January 29 2013 10:50 Alryk wrote:
But if he can't ask her out on person, how is he supposed to go on a full-out date in person? Even if it's something as simple as coffee 1 on 1. He's going to have to face her in person sooner or later, and if he can't ask her out like that, it will just make for an awkward date.
On January 29 2013 11:21 phosphorylation wrote:
askign her skype or face to face, you guys are fussing over a small detail. that he actually goes on a date with her is far more important -- and of course, how he handles himself on that occasion. if he acts alright during the date, shes not going to remember how he asked her at all... and if he screws up, he never had a chance to begin with... On January 29 2013 11:25 Alryk wrote:
As true as that is, isn't asking her face to face, a good way to get over the first "hump" of having a moderately meaningful conversation, considering it would be weird to just ask out of the blue, so they'll probably having been chatting for a few minutes (face or skype).
I mean he's right, to whoever this is adressed towards. If you ask her out on skype and have a great date, it doesn't matter. But if you think you have trouble talking to her face to face, just remember that a date is only that. and more...
First off I would like to give you all a big THANK YOU for all the replies, serious or not. I never imagined getting this much response on my petty situation. I've read everything through once and I will probably read through it all a couple of times more before this is all over. Sorry for not responding to the replies - I've been drowning in school work and deadlines as a course was coming to an end this week.
I guess I won't go with the full-blown emotional confession I was planning then for Valentine's day. Thanks for that feedback.
Most discussion have been on HOW i ask her out. Frankly, I would very much prefer to ask her out in person of course, but seeing as she haven't been in school during the whole January, I can't really be picky about this too much I feel. I haven't seen her since 21st of December when I gave her a Christmas present (official reason for this was that she helped me a lot with finding a place for me to do my internship - which is true, but not the real reason). She said it was very unexpected but she seemed relatively happy about it and accepted it.
Opinions have differed on whether I should ask her out as for a hanging out or as a date. Honestly, I don't know, and your discussions have valid points on both sides. Spontaneously, I feel like the dinner or coffee approach are the best, but I have no clue whether the former should be as a date or as two friends eating a dinner together. As someone said, we've barely had a good face-to-face conversation, and I want to try and have good talks with her, but it's not easy when she's never in school. (Ask her out? :D)
She has said that she doesn't really like going to the cinemas (weird?), so I guess that's out of the question. But she has said that she instead prefers "home cinema" with a big TV and surround sound and whatnot. In a month I am moving out from my parents to my own place, so maybe asking her to come over to watch a movie could be a possible path?
Responding to the "talking to her for months and still doesnt know if she has a boyfriend" person - She is sort of a mysterious person in general. My inability to properly talk to women doesn't help in this. I'm also getting the feeling that she is a bit evasive when it comes to personal questions, so I've been hesitant to ask her clearly about what she really means with "her date". I don't want to seem nosy or rude. But maybe I'm being too careful about this? Fair enough, straight and honest answers about this would help me reach a conclusion on what to do a lot easier.
I also read a response claiming I don't know what love is. That may very well be so, but if this feeling I've had in my chest and stomach for 2 months now isn't love, then I don't know what it is. I do feel like I know her a bit at least - I know a lot of her likes and dislikes and some of her views on life, so it's not as she's still a total stranger to me. That being said, I do admit I feel very pathetic for falling in love with both my two first female friends I've ever made (not including a good friend's girlfriend with whom I speak to a few times per year). So maybe my emotions are over-exaggerated or blown up beyond reasonable proportions. But it still doesn't change my feelings as they are right now.
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EPT![[image loading]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mb6stm2WAW1r8lhs5o1_400.gif)
