EPTDating: How's your luck? - Page 878
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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RvB
Netherlands6303 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On September 19 2016 18:15 RvB wrote: Badoo pretty good as well. The basic app is free but there are paid featurrs as well. Prettier girls than tinder tho over here. Haven't used badoo myself. But everyone I've heard talk about it says the same people that use badoo use tinder. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
She told me I should do whatever I want with her, she'd tell me if sth is bad, but that just sounds like settling. Outside of intimacy, I am definitely the more energetic, laidback one, basically I am triggering her to get her out of her skiin, but I can't translate this behaviour to intimacy yet. If I feel that I suck I cant just laugh and say ok, next time. She tries to reassure me, but I am quite the stubborn one. And I dont want to order her around (unless shes into it), I was just blindstruck what to do in that situation when I felt it would've been her part to.. you know. Makes me feel invalidated. It wasn't bad by any means, when I was in her and we were staring eachother and such that was something else, a little peace of mind, until it got didturbed. As for Badoo, I was using it, it's fine, just avoid anyone with superpowers, that's the biggest red flag. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
E.g. show her "this is slow" "this is fast" "which one feels better" and if she tell you "it's all great" just keep going with it, keep asking next time in different ways. Same with using profanity, encourage her to masturbate in front of you... Take small steps, then talk about it in opportune moments, it can be damn hot date conversation too  It's really exciting to be with a girl that hasn't explored what she really wants and help her get there | ||
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MysteryMeat1
United States3292 Posts
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Meborg
Netherlands50 Posts
On September 20 2016 00:15 Volband wrote: I just want it to be right. I can not enjoy anything I take seriously if I know I could do it better. She is satisfied, she enjoyed it, but it just gets to my nerves. I have to expose myself to get intimate and I'm too vulnerable to imperfections then. If I could be the best then I want to be. I know she must have had more vigoruos partners. She told me I should do whatever I want with her, she'd tell me if sth is bad, but that just sounds like settling. Outside of intimacy, I am definitely the more energetic, laidback one, basically I am triggering her to get her out of her skiin, but I can't translate this behaviour to intimacy yet. If I feel that I suck I cant just laugh and say ok, next time. She tries to reassure me, but I am quite the stubborn one. And I dont want to order her around (unless shes into it), I was just blindstruck what to do in that situation when I felt it would've been her part to.. you know. Makes me feel invalidated. It wasn't bad by any means, when I was in her and we were staring eachother and such that was something else, a little peace of mind, until it got didturbed. As for Badoo, I was using it, it's fine, just avoid anyone with superpowers, that's the biggest red flag. Dude you honestly need to learn to accept yourself. "I'm more energetic, more laid back than her, blablabla" Literally all I'm reading is that you're insecure as fuck. Enjoy the journey, not the destination. Not being able to enjoy something unless it's perfect is extremely toxic. If you do not want to change your perspectives, all I have to say is: have fun ruining yourself in a vicious circle of emotional poverty. Even the biggest fool will accomplish more than you simply because he is satisfied. | ||
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bertolo
United States133 Posts
So I've been with my current girlfriend for about a year and a half now. Things are good, but I have been recently thinking of breaking up with her. I have probably been thinking it for at least a month. Like I said things are good but I feel like a lot of things could just be a bit better in many categories. I think about or see other girls I find more attractive all the time(mainly physical, but I have met some cool women since her), but I'm not sure if its just cause I'm young or I'm really unhappy with my current girlfriend. Small things have added up for me over time but it has never really been enough for me to say anything to her. Anyway some background, this is my longest relationship and I have definitely changed and learned things about myself over time and probably things I want more. My longest before was a couple months so this is hard for me to break off. I am 26. Basically I am leaning towards a break up now I am just kind of dreading the potential results, but feel I shouldn't be wasting both our time if I don't think we will last. If I get over this girl, what do you think about talking to someone you dated and broke up with prior? Like 2ish years prior. That maybe I think I left her for the wrong reasons. Just to start talking again and see how things develop. With my current girlfriend I think we moved too fast and just aren't compatible in ways I should have realized earlier. If that's a bad idea just move on to new women? I can provide more context if it helps. | ||
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WarSame
Canada1950 Posts
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Dark_Chill
Canada3353 Posts
On September 21 2016 10:28 bertolo wrote: Looking for some opinions and others perspectives. So I've been with my current girlfriend for about a year and a half now. Things are good, but I have been recently thinking of breaking up with her. I have probably been thinking it for at least a month. Like I said things are good but I feel like a lot of things could just be a bit better in many categories. I think about or see other girls I find more attractive all the time(mainly physical, but I have met some cool women since her), but I'm not sure if its just cause I'm young or I'm really unhappy with my current girlfriend. Small things have added up for me over time but it has never really been enough for me to say anything to her. Anyway some background, this is my longest relationship and I have definitely changed and learned things about myself over time and probably things I want more. My longest before was a couple months so this is hard for me to break off. I am 26. Basically I am leaning towards a break up now I am just kind of dreading the potential results, but feel I shouldn't be wasting both our time if I don't think we will last. If I get over this girl, what do you think about talking to someone you dated and broke up with prior? Like 2ish years prior. That maybe I think I left her for the wrong reasons. Just to start talking again and see how things develop. With my current girlfriend I think we moved too fast and just aren't compatible in ways I should have realized earlier. If that's a bad idea just move on to new women? I can provide more context if it helps. If you're feeling bad for her, then pretty much nothing you do will make it painless for her anyways. Ultimately if you're not happy you're going to drag the relationship down eventually so best to tell her how you feel. And no problem going to an ex. There's no law against it, and if both want to try again then I don't see why not. | ||
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RvB
Netherlands6303 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Have that honest open conversation about things you mind, how you feel what you dislike but also really like about her. And try things (decide together) like taking a break without contact ot seeing other people to focus on your life purpose and then get together after say a month to see how you both feel (should try this one first). And alternatively suggest an open relationship for a while, or a break where you see other people. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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Laurens
Belgium4557 Posts
And try things (decide together) like taking a break without contact ot seeing other people to focus on your life purpose and then get together after say a month to see how you both feel (should try this one first). And alternatively suggest an open relationship for a while, or a break where you see other people. Honestly, has any of that ever salvaged a relationship? "taking a break" is just the solution for people who are too afraid to actually break up. Other than the occasional romcom, this never works. And fucking other people generally doesn't work either. Legit wondering if you've ever applied this advice yourself Lemon, with succesful results? | ||
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evilfatsh1t
Australia8913 Posts
taking a break is a bullshit line people use when they dont have the balls to say "we're done". it not only doesnt work, its just disrespectful to the partner who will cling onto some false sense of hope/security that things will be ok after you're done "cooling off". it wont be, because any decision to take a break or to break up is not made spontaneously in the heat of the moment, it is like the op said, something one considers for a fair amount of time before actually saying it. open relationships are also pretty shit for like 95% of couples that sincerely want marriage/kids/happily ever after etc. i wouldnt be surprised if lemon has done this shit himself, but from a lot of the posts ive read of his i wouldnt consider him a role model for most people | ||
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Artisreal
Germany9235 Posts
People can have ALOT OF OTHER STUFF than their current relationship on their mind. Depending on character this might be that way all their life or just temporarily, e.g. while/during/after relocating to a different place of residence. So a little time for themselves can actually help focus on the Though the abovementioned doesn't seem all to applicable to bertolo's situation. I really cannot fathom from the little context you gave concerning what actually is bothering you. But what I find really useful, regardless wherther you are in an existential crisis or are "just" bothered by something supposedly minor, you should ask yourself: Will it really be different with someone else? Because people switching from a long term relationship often are overwhelmed/filled with the joy and rush of getting to know another person and resonating with each other. But after that has passed... exactly the same minorly annoying things pop up. Or maybe different things. But aren't they really just variations of the things that bored you in the first place. Whether it's your partner's negligent attitude toward the carpet or their maniacal desire to have the forks top down in the dishwasher. Someone else WILL HAVE faults too. Things that are not perfect. Because nobody is perfect. But it is for you to decide whether the faults of your current partner are sufficiently striking for you so say bye bye or whether they just are a tad bit annoying sometimes. To add to that. You might know some of your partner's faults, but you not necessarily know them of other persons of interest. Also, just due to being in a relationship, you really should not stop getting to know and hang out with a nice person. Albeit it being him or her. | ||
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VHbb
692 Posts
It may be a good way to realize that your life is not your relationship, that you are an individual with merits and flaws on your own, and it can help you understand if you want to bring the other person in your life again or if (in comparison) you feel better alone. I do however think that if you see other people (meaning you go out with other partners) during this period, then you are already 100% sure you will break up, so you could do it now rather than later. | ||
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bertolo
United States133 Posts
In response to lemon, I think if I really wanted to I could work to fix things slowly if I talked them out with her but it is maybe things I just let go on too long and I would feel all the changes I want are too demanding. I wouldn't say anything is screwed up just not where I want it to be. As for going back to an ex its nothing I want to jump right into. The attraction was there I just left things because at the time I had even less of an idea of what I wanted. It sounds like I should definitely give myself some time to really think that over. | ||
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