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Dating: How's your luck? - Page 869
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 08 2016 19:56 Ghostcom wrote: Remember "It's only awkward if you make it awkward" Can't say I care for these quotes. That quote doesn't really say anything. You can definitely do awkward shit without the intention of doing awkward shit. Youtube videos of all sorts are clear evidence of that. To me it is sort of like the "You can't see me if I can't see you." type deal a five year old would say. Purely delusional quotes. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 08 2016 07:42 jojamon wrote: Do most of you go for a kiss on the first date if the signals are right? I'm assuming you are referring to serious dates and not just some random girl you just want to fuck. If the signals were right I possibly would, haven't really felt that from a first date yet so far though. My first dates are usually kinda fast though, like a 30-45 minute walk just to get a feel for the girl. | ||
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Ghostcom
Denmark4783 Posts
On August 08 2016 21:50 bloodwhore~ wrote: Can't say I care for these quotes. That quote doesn't really say anything. You can definitely do awkward shit without the intention of doing awkward shit. Youtube videos of all sorts are clear evidence of that. To me it is sort of like the "You can't see me if I can't see you." type deal a five year old would say. Purely delusional quotes. I think you misunderstood the meaning of the quote - or rather take it more serious than it was meant. Of course you can do objectively awkward shit, like e.g. cold-approaching girls on the street (in most countries the social context makes speaking to strangers extremely awkward). Yet some people can pull it off while for others it is a cringefest. Part of the reason for that is that a situation automatically becomes 100% more awkward if you consider it awkward and don't own the situation. The quote isn't meant as some sort of universal truth, but as a reminder that being comfortable in uncomfortable situations is a very crucial skill for dating. EDIT: Don't get me wrong, if it isn't for you, then fine ignore it. I found it useful when I wanted to step out of my comfort zone initially. EDIT: I've never left a first date without a kiss if I wanted to meet the girl a second time. However, I recommend doing what you are comfortable. If you are serious about the dating you are looking for someone who likes YOU as cheesy as it sounds. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 08 2016 22:24 Ghostcom wrote: I think you misunderstood the meaning of the quote - or rather take it more serious than it was meant. Of course you can do objectively awkward shit, like e.g. cold-approaching girls on the street (in most countries the social context makes speaking to strangers extremely awkward). Yet some people can pull it off while for others it is a cringefest. Part of the reason for that is that a situation automatically becomes 100% more awkward if you consider it awkward and don't own the situation. The quote isn't meant as some sort of universal truth, but as a reminder that being comfortable in uncomfortable situations is a very crucial skill for dating. I understood what you meant but I guess I maybe took it a bit literal. I do feel like many of the people who think they can pull off certain moves etc really can't, hence the delusional part. Example: 100 people cold approach. 50 feel it was awkward. 50 feel it went awesome. In reality 40 out of the second part were actually awkward. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
I had that plan to propose a facebook status to my gf of 1.5 years around her birthday on our holiday in my hometown in a fancy restaurant on top of a mountain. Well She found the rolled up sealed paper I wanted to hand to her 3 days prior that said "Will you be...My facebook official girlfriend" (because upon consulting people getting on one knee and then saying it's just facebook status proposal would be too evil :D)opened it, and then sealed it...also randomly checked my 1.2y old facebook conversation to my pals where I referred to her in very guy talk and got sad that led to exchange of thoughts. (Our arguments are more about me asking questions, trying to understand and acknowledge her POV and share mine so we never raise voice or anything) Needless to say, when I pulled out the "surprise piece of wrapped paper" subsequently ready to hand her this cool silver ring with blue facebook-like colour stone as she says obviously yes. She hands me a piece of paper before even opening it where she counts months, days, hours, minutes and seconds that we're together, that she loves me and...that she'll...Think about it At this point I was flabbergasted - what will she think about, then how does she know, and also she (and her friends) had been bugging me about why I don't add her on facebook for ages, we're together for a long time, she even read me her diary entry cursing in length so I tied this small funny obvious thing to giving her a ring for her birthday, planning it as something super cheesy cool (aka my style) for months (she got just a sex toy otherwise and well...that's a present more for both of us) Sitting there with her birthday facebook colored ring in my pocket hearing her "I think about it" my risky cheesy long in the making plan shattered in pieces. I at least tried to press her, and she decided to say no. Now I don't care about the facebook status really, I just assumed it's something she wanted and I can go either way, what I did care about is the effort I put in this probably never before done thing, months of deciding, finding proprieties and planning and It didn't even cross my mind she wouldn't say yes to such a banal thing as a facebook status is, so I was sitting there imagining this is like a rejected marriage proposal must feel like. I was confusedly shocked for a long time, and after like 20mins gave her the ring telling her how she screwed up my plan, and why the hell does she have to be so nosy and read my paper.. She gladly accepted the ring still remaining on no, taking pictures infront of my sad face sporting it against the sun, waving it in my face. And about 3 hours later swayed by my needy sulking about my cool plan shattered she decided to not only go for it and we're now facebook official, but post a photo of the ring on her left ring finger with the view from the top of the mountain for all her friends to see. And since unlike in her country here it's the engagement finger/hand we're not only from no friends on facebook at all to in a relationship, but she keeps getting messages asking her about her "engagement". | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I don't think anyone saw that your plan was going to go well though Lem0n :D at least she didn't think you were asking her ot marry you It's super strange to me that she would say no to being together on facebook? I can't even understand the reasoning behind this. Sure if you just got together, but if you consider yourself partners and have been together for a long time, why not. | ||
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[sc1f]eonzerg
Belgium6968 Posts
btw lemon how do you imagine doing a proposal ? :D | ||
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VHbb
692 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On August 09 2016 07:09 [sc1f]eonzerg wrote: im not sure but i think is cuz she already asked for it ? and now he is doing it like a gift for this birthday ? I mean Lemon tried to present a strawberry like a ruby. btw lemon how do you imagine doing a proposal ? :D Nah she wanted to be in friends so I assumed this thing is no big deal and would be obvious and a thing she'd be really happy about since she's been bugging me about having her on facebook for ages. Her reason right there was that...people that don't know about me who aren't close to her that are on her facebook might wish her for it to not work out, jinx what we have and bring bad luck...Which got me even more confused because I believe in probability more than anything else. But I think the real reason was just comfort zone as she's never done it before and after 1.5 years it changes status quo that I kinda set up so it's understandable. And now she's fully embraced it, got all excited asking friends who swap guys and statuses like juggling balls how to post stuff so she gets the most likes and how can it be seen as much as possible | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On August 09 2016 07:16 VHbb wrote: Maybe she just doesn't want? Personally I would never add anything as my "partner" on Facebook because I don't like to have private stuff shared on social media (it's just me, I don't judge who does it) I mean I was the same, but when you're together for a pretty long time that stuff is pretty much irrelevant because everyone who matters knows anyways, it felt like having a brother or sister relation added so it weirded me out when she'd flat out refused after I went through all this trouble and it obviously mattered to me a lot with all the cool cheesy stuff It's hidden at the bottom of the "about" page these days anyways not the first thing you see like before. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On August 09 2016 07:09 [sc1f]eonzerg wrote: I mean Lemon tried to present a strawberry like a ruby. btw lemon how do you imagine doing a proposal ? :D We talked about it during me cursing that she screwed my cool thing that nobody has ever done before (or will ever do, especially with a rejection after being together for such a time haha). And if I went with my original plan with going on one knee, pulling that ring and then asking for a facebook status she'd be confused and probably crying somewhere to this day. But yeah there's time for marriage but expect all but nothing out of the ordinary, that thing happens once in life and there's no way I'd want it like everyone else. One thing I'll make damn sure off - that I won't leave a paper with the proposal in a room where I'm sleeping and she's bored and starts going through stuff :D | ||
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Kleinmuuhg
Vanuatu4091 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
+ Show Spoiler + | ||
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levelping
Singapore759 Posts
A really close friend was getting married and as a consequence will be leaving the country for a bit. She's practically my sister from another mister, and we tell each other everything, and so not having her around any more will be tough. I was helping out with preparing the wedding, and in the course of that, I had to spend a lot of time with another bridesmaid. We ended up spending time outside of wedding prep, and we ended up becoming each other's default choices for things like movies and musicals etc. I think throughout, we never really saw each other romantically, just as a new close friend. On my part, I think she gave me some signals that might suggest a romantic thing, but there were plenty of "just friends" signals too. By the time of the wedding (this weekend) practically everyone is asking the two of us whether we were a couple. I think some of it might have gotten to me too. So I am not a fan of leaving things ambiguous, so at the end of the wedding, I just straight up told her that "hey, I think we are great friends, and I think I have a bit of a soft spot for you which might be more than just friendship, would you like to see how this goes?". She said she didn't see me romantically right now, because I'm not the kind of guy she'd usually find attractive, and that we should still be close friends. I seem to be taking this kinda hard. I don't really know why to be honest - perhaps I really did like her more than I was aware of. I just thought that we got along so well, it was worth a shot to see if we made it as a couple (we're 28/30, so I also thought hey, we aren't getting younger, we should try). So now i'm still figuring out how fast am I supposed to let go of this. I've talked to mutual friends, and all of them are sure that she had some feelings for me too. And we did get along fantastically. So while I am ready to move on to meet new people, at the same time, I am really loathed to close the door on this possibility. So I would like to leave the possibility open, but at the same time start moving on as well. Moving on is the easy bit. What should I do to keep the possibility open, and also to let her know that the option is there? | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On August 11 2016 13:27 levelping wrote: Moving on is the easy bit. What should I do to keep the possibility open, and also to let her know that the option is there? I think she realizes the door is open if she were to get interested down the line. You obviously can just say something like "If you change your mind you know where to find me.", I don't think it is necessary though. I would just continue as normal if you still feel like you want to be friends with her. Start dating others to keep your mind off her. | ||
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Ahzz
Finland780 Posts
On August 11 2016 13:27 levelping wrote: I just had a tough weekend. A really close friend was getting married and as a consequence will be leaving the country for a bit. She's practically my sister from another mister, and we tell each other everything, and so not having her around any more will be tough. I was helping out with preparing the wedding, and in the course of that, I had to spend a lot of time with another bridesmaid. We ended up spending time outside of wedding prep, and we ended up becoming each other's default choices for things like movies and musicals etc. I think throughout, we never really saw each other romantically, just as a new close friend. On my part, I think she gave me some signals that might suggest a romantic thing, but there were plenty of "just friends" signals too. By the time of the wedding (this weekend) practically everyone is asking the two of us whether we were a couple. I think some of it might have gotten to me too. So I am not a fan of leaving things ambiguous, so at the end of the wedding, I just straight up told her that "hey, I think we are great friends, and I think I have a bit of a soft spot for you which might be more than just friendship, would you like to see how this goes?". She said she didn't see me romantically right now, because I'm not the kind of guy she'd usually find attractive, and that we should still be close friends. I seem to be taking this kinda hard. I don't really know why to be honest - perhaps I really did like her more than I was aware of. I just thought that we got along so well, it was worth a shot to see if we made it as a couple (we're 28/30, so I also thought hey, we aren't getting younger, we should try). So now i'm still figuring out how fast am I supposed to let go of this. I've talked to mutual friends, and all of them are sure that she had some feelings for me too. And we did get along fantastically. So while I am ready to move on to meet new people, at the same time, I am really loathed to close the door on this possibility. So I would like to leave the possibility open, but at the same time start moving on as well. Moving on is the easy bit. What should I do to keep the possibility open, and also to let her know that the option is there? I can share a somewhat recent experience of mine that is quite similar to your situation. I was good friends with a girl, and we got along really well. I started to catch feelings after I realized that she had much what I wanted from a relationship and that important someone. Basically I felt that I received mixed signals during this time as well, so I brought it up. Turned out that she didn't feel the same way. At that time I decided that I would let go ASAP. If someone does not return my feelings, it means that she does not reflect my standards in wanting someone who wants me, and also it would be a great burden on the great friendship that we had. Therefore I decided that I would immediately try to forget any such thoughts. In a few weeks I had pretty much been able to move on, and we started to be normal friends again. For some time, she was interested in other guys, and I was interested in other girls. But turned out that because I treated her and everyone else really well even when I wasn't interested in her, and because she noticed that I wasn't chasing her, she catched feelings, and brought the same topic up. I didn't want pride to be a reason for nothing happening, and because I could still see the same amazing qualities in this woman that I saw before, we decided to give it a shot. Now we've been a couple for some time and we're both in love with each other. History doesn't matter one bit once we talked it through and have been able to trust one another. We're close to your age as well. All in all, my advice is to give up any thoughts of a relationship. If you truly value your friendship, discard any and all thoughts of being a couple. The ball is in her court now. If she changes her mind, or starts showing really clear affection, you can return it if you still want to, but for now, focus on other people. Nobody can predict what will happen, as I could not myself, but if you really want to be a high value man and have high standards, you will give up on her unless she returns the feelings first. Even so, treat her well, because thats the kind of a man you probably want to be. And this, in itself, is really sexy. | ||
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levelping
Singapore759 Posts
On August 11 2016 18:25 Ahzz wrote: I can share a somewhat recent experience of mine that is quite similar to your situation. I was good friends with a girl, and we got along really well. I started to catch feelings after I realized that she had much what I wanted from a relationship and that important someone. Basically I felt that I received mixed signals during this time as well, so I brought it up. Turned out that she didn't feel the same way. At that time I decided that I would let go ASAP. If someone does not return my feelings, it means that she does not reflect my standards in wanting someone who wants me, and also it would be a great burden on the great friendship that we had. Therefore I decided that I would immediately try to forget any such thoughts. In a few weeks I had pretty much been able to move on, and we started to be normal friends again. For some time, she was interested in other guys, and I was interested in other girls. But turned out that because I treated her and everyone else really well even when I wasn't interested in her, and because she noticed that I wasn't chasing her, she catched feelings, and brought the same topic up. I didn't want pride to be a reason for nothing happening, and because I could still see the same amazing qualities in this woman that I saw before, we decided to give it a shot. Now we've been a couple for some time and we're both in love with each other. History doesn't matter one bit once we talked it through and have been able to trust one another. We're close to your age as well. All in all, my advice is to give up any thoughts of a relationship. If you truly value your friendship, discard any and all thoughts of being a couple. The ball is in her court now. If she changes her mind, or starts showing really clear affection, you can return it if you still want to, but for now, focus on other people. Nobody can predict what will happen, as I could not myself, but if you really want to be a high value man and have high standards, you will give up on her unless she returns the feelings first. Even so, treat her well, because thats the kind of a man you probably want to be. And this, in itself, is really sexy. Hi Ahzz, Thanks for that really honest comment. It actually is pretty much what I am thinking too, and I am actually looking forward v much going back to being close friends with her again. I have been examining my feelings too, and I have always taken the view that it is neither respectful to me nor her to try anything after what happened. I am thinking though of what blood said, whether a note about "if you change your mind you know where to find me", but having thought through it, you are right it is unnecessary. I think it's just a pity. Life is uncertain, and as you grow a little older, you meet less and less people that you really get a long with. And so this episode has felt like a missed opportunity. Anyway thanks again for your story. Obviously there's no certainty that I'll end up where you are, but it is nice to have read someone else's perspective. | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
I think it's just a pity. Life is uncertain, and as you grow a little older, you meet less and less people that you really get a long with. And so this episode has felt like a missed opportunity. It doesn't have to be this way, you just have to make an effort to meet others. | ||
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