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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
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4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On July 04 2016 02:31 B.I.G. wrote:
Girls that are like 5+ years younger than me are usually too chidish IMO.
Don't you think it depends what age you are?
I don't think there is a big difference if both are over 25. 5 years any way here isn't that big percentage of your life. If there would be a big difference in maturity it has more to do with personality or if there has been a shift in what the person thinks is important/interesting in life.
I personally find people who go drinking and partying every other weekend childish, cmon people, realize that alcohol is a really shitty drug and start with MDMA  . Or people who like trashy reality TV like the kardashians, Paradise Hotel. However, I would imagine people think I'm immature because I still play World of Warcraft (private server you casuals).
Random anecdote:
I had plans on seeing a girl who was 19, but after snaping with her for a day or two I just thought she was so extremely immature so I said fuck that. Then I went out with a girl who was 18 who turned out to be 17. Way more mature, has already invested time in politics etc, more mature than most 21-22 year olds I've met so far.
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Well I'm talking from my own perspective and I am 28. I agree that age is not always an indication of immaturity.
Random anecdote from my side: I went on a date with a girl who was heavy into techno parties and taking XTC. There might have been a time where I found that exciting but now that kinda triggered a feeling of 'damn are you still messing around with that bullshit?'.
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On July 04 2016 05:11 B.I.G. wrote:
Well I'm talking from my own perspective and I am 28. I agree that age is not always an indication of immaturity.
Random anecdote from my side: I went on a date with a girl who was heavy into techno parties and taking XTC. There might have been a time where I found that exciting but now that kinda triggered a feeling of 'damn are you still messing around with that bullshit?'.
Do you hold the same idea about people that drink alcohol and go out partying?
In my own experiences alcohol has far worse side effects than MDMA, which seems to be the general idea of experts these days as well. I have only done it twice myself. We were at a university "rave", not really a typical rave I think, they play all sorts of electronic music outside. Me and two friends just sat on a hill looking over the whole thing and talked and cuddled (no homo).
But this is really a debate for another thread I guess. No need to start a drug debate here 
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If you do mdma and sit on a hill when there is techno music you're doing something wrong.
Anyway I think there's not much of a difference between the 'maturity' of someone partying with alcohol or xtc.
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On July 04 2016 06:44 RvB wrote:If you do mdma and sit on a hill when there is techno music you're doing something wrong.
To go dancing while on MDMA seems like a waste to me, but each to his own. I'd much rather have 'deep' conversations with friends, talking about how much we like each other, enjoy the lights and the music etc.
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Well, I continue to be confused. I had mentioned a week or so back a girl I had gone on a date with, and how she went from being really warm towards me and chatty to not responding and being cold towards me. I waited a while and messaged her and more or less left the ball in her court like someone on here said to do. She read the message but didn't respond I just figured she wasn't interested anymore so I did my best to put her out of my mind.
Well she just messaged me, saying she hopes I'm doing good and apologizing for not responding, among other things. This is nearly a week after I last messaged her. I'm still having trouble figuring out what she's going for here. I guess I'll just be patient and keep my options open and see where it goes.
In other news I was going to go out with a different girl, we had talked a fair amount and made plans for a date (she referred to it as a date, not me) and everything. She seemed cool, and we had a lot in common. Out of nowhere she sends me a rather cryptic message saying that she wouldn't be talking to me anymore and that I deserved a relationship with a better girl than her (we hadn't even dated yet so I'm not sure where the whole relationship thing came from) and all this other stuff. I didn't even know how to respond to that. I just said I wished her well. Maybe I dodged a bullet there.
Whatever, lined up another date with a new girl. She seems super chill. I need chill people in my life, not drama-y people.
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I'm probably like a 6 on 1 - 10 but I've always had great people skills and game so my luck in the dating scene was fairly good, I had a few casuals but throughout high school I usually got with someone for like a year before we broke up.
Then I started going bald when I was 20, started shaving my head because the bald gene is aggressive in my family, I thought my dating life was over for the next 8 + years and then I met my now going on 4 years girlfriend who didn't give a shit and enjoyed touching my smooth bald head.
My advice to the laddies is to be fun, be conversational and don't tolerate anyone not putting in their fair share into making a relationship work, as the years go on the, "Oh my God you're so hot" thing wears thin and you actually need to connect.
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Dont misunderstand bloodwhore, drinking and drugs can be fun but people like aformentioned girl who treat it as like the highlight of their week are immature/boring IMO.
On July 04 2016 13:13 Ben... wrote:.
Whatever, lined up another date with a new girl. She seems super chill. I need chill people in my life, not drama-y people.
words to live by.
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On July 04 2016 13:13 Ben... wrote:Out of nowhere she sends me a rather cryptic message saying that she wouldn't be talking to me anymore and that I deserved a relationship with a better girl than her (we hadn't even dated yet so I'm not sure where the whole relationship thing came from) and all this other stuff. I didn't even know how to respond to that. I just said I wished her well. Maybe I dodged a bullet there.
You most likely did.
Dont misunderstand bloodwhore, drinking and drugs can be fun but people like aformentioned girl who treat it as like the highlight of their week are immature/boring IMO.
I agree completely!
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so ive pretty much confirmed for myself that i have a genuine fear of commitment.
ive had a feeling about something like this but now im pretty sure its true.
every girl i have liked i have enjoyed the dynamic of our relationship as long as they did not reciprocate those feelings. the moment i feel someone probably likes me back i start to get distant though, and in some previous instances i actually just lost interest in them.
id rather stay friends/acquaintances or whatever than enter a relationship and risk having it all fked up later on.
anyone else got it as bad as me?
edit: i have been in relationships before, its just extremely hard for me to take the leap
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Relationships can be scary once you open up to someone new and allow yourself to be vulnerable... and getting dumped and becoming heartbroken are unfortunate realities... but for me (and many others), the happiness and love you can find in a successful relationship is worth the risk
You'll never know unless you're willing to put yourself out there!
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i dont fear getting dumped. thats actually far from it.
i fear bearing the responsibility of being someones 'partner' when i can just be their friend instead.
its weird because when im single everything i want is to be in a serious relationship and be with someone but as soon as this chance comes up to my doorstep my longing for a relationship disappears.
and its not related to disliking responsibility in general, as i handle stress and responsibility quite well when its not part of my love life (work, for example)
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On July 05 2016 14:58 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i dont fear getting dumped. thats actually far from it.
i fear bearing the responsibility of being someones 'partner' when i can just be their friend instead.
its weird because when im single everything i want is to be in a serious relationship and be with someone but as soon as this chance comes up to my doorstep my longing for a relationship disappears.
and its not related to disliking responsibility in general, as i handle stress and responsibility quite well when its not part of my love life (work, for example)
Maybe you're just not ready, or it's just not your thing. Just because society and people here tell you committed relationship can be rewarding doesn't mean it's what's for you
If I were you I'd experiment and give e.g. polyamory a shot - when there's multiple partners openly the pressure is a lot off you
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On July 04 2016 13:13 Ben... wrote:
Well, I continue to be confused. I had mentioned a week or so back a girl I had gone on a date with, and how she went from being really warm towards me and chatty to not responding and being cold towards me. I waited a while and messaged her and more or less left the ball in her court like someone on here said to do. She read the message but didn't respond I just figured she wasn't interested anymore so I did my best to put her out of my mind.
Well she just messaged me, saying she hopes I'm doing good and apologizing for not responding, among other things. This is nearly a week after I last messaged her. I'm still having trouble figuring out what she's going for here. I guess I'll just be patient and keep my options open and see where it goes.
In other news I was going to go out with a different girl, we had talked a fair amount and made plans for a date (she referred to it as a date, not me) and everything. She seemed cool, and we had a lot in common. Out of nowhere she sends me a rather cryptic message saying that she wouldn't be talking to me anymore and that I deserved a relationship with a better girl than her (we hadn't even dated yet so I'm not sure where the whole relationship thing came from) and all this other stuff. I didn't even know how to respond to that. I just said I wished her well. Maybe I dodged a bullet there.
Whatever, lined up another date with a new girl. She seems super chill. I need chill people in my life, not drama-y people.
Girl #2 You've never seen her before and she writes this? Ha, dodged a bullet there.
Girl #1 What exactly did you message her? And it's completely normal, she either just wants attention, or she wants you to ask her out and women especially early on will do this quite a bit. Either way just always do the latter, in the very first message you send back to her, telling her to give you times when she's free.
That way you either give her exactly what she wants while getting what you want (win win)
Or you stop wasting your time with a girl that just wants attention
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For that earlier debate oh man drugs have nothing to do with maturity.
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On July 05 2016 14:58 evilfatsh1t wrote:
i fear bearing the responsibility of being someones 'partner' when i can just be their friend instead.
Well there's nothing wrong with that, if you don't mind all the substance and love and relationship-benefits that you don't get from becoming more than platonic with them or more than friends with benefits (ironic name lol) with them...
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On July 05 2016 19:58 Skynx wrote:
For that earlier debate oh man drugs have nothing to do with maturity.
One's relationship with mind-altering substances absolutely relates to maturity. Perhaps not in a 1:1 relationship, but come on, it's not exactly controversial to line up self-control and habit management with maturity levels generally speaking.
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On July 05 2016 23:12 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2016 19:58 Skynx wrote:
For that earlier debate oh man drugs have nothing to do with maturity. One's relationship with mind-altering substances absolutely relates to maturity. Perhaps not in a 1:1 relationship, but come on, it's not exactly controversial to line up self-control and habit management with maturity levels generally speaking.
That's his point. I have on friend that smokes pot and pot only for years now, this guy can only smoke once every 2 week and be totally fine. I'd call him mature even though he's a user. There's nothing wrong with enjoying to alter oneself, it's all about how you handle your own intake, or don't.
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On July 06 2016 01:23 Cynry wrote:Show nested quote +On July 05 2016 23:12 farvacola wrote:On July 05 2016 19:58 Skynx wrote:
For that earlier debate oh man drugs have nothing to do with maturity. One's relationship with mind-altering substances absolutely relates to maturity. Perhaps not in a 1:1 relationship, but come on, it's not exactly controversial to line up self-control and habit management with maturity levels generally speaking. That's his point. I have on friend that smokes pot and pot only for years now, this guy can only smoke once every 2 week and be totally fine. I'd call him mature even though he's a user. There's nothing wrong with enjoying to alter oneself, it's all about how you handle your own intake, or don't.
Yeah it's definitely about how you handle it (although I know quite a few people who thought they weren't being too risky when they tried certain drugs- and thought they could handle it- but couldn't and didn't know until it was too late) and why you're doing drugs to begin with (is it just for a temporary mind-altering state that lets you relax, or is it because you're dependent on them or because you want to be "cool" and "fit in" with some people, etc.)
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On July 03 2016 07:21 IgnE wrote:
Ask her if she wants to smoke some weed after your shifts.
beta move produce a fatty mid shift in the walk in
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EPT
