EPTIt was for me at least. And you haven't done any work so far, believe me contacting 75 people online and talking to 25 IRL is not considered working on that area of your life.
Dating: How's your luck? - Page 863
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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
It was for me at least. And you haven't done any work so far, believe me contacting 75 people online and talking to 25 IRL is not considered working on that area of your life. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On July 14 2016 14:46 evilfatsh1t wrote: yeah what beelzebub said its alright to want a relationship, just dont show it so much. girls dont like guys who look desperate and are too 'eager'. nice guys dont finish last but desperate/easy guys do, its just that they dont know it. focus on other things in life such as your career, other hobbies etc. if you learn to find enjoyment in other things and stop trying to find enjoyment through relationships then youll seem like a more attractive person overall. as for me, despite having a fear of committing to a relationship i did end up committing. partly because ive been single for a long time now and i figured its time to get back in the game, and partly because i connect with her a lot on an emotional? level. not sure if emotional is the right word, but its very rare for me to find someone who i can talk comfortably with for prolonged periods of time (i have a 'way' of talking that many korean girls like in friends, but not boyfriends). the only problem is my physical attraction for my current girlfriend isnt peaking. its still early stages and physical attraction is definitely not the most important in a relationship, but if the attraction is minimal what would you guys do? stick with her knowing the chemistry you have with her is rare or look for someone who has it all? I'd 100% leave her and turn her into a friend! In the early stages (we're talking a several months yes?) the mutual physical attraction should be very strong automatically, and it'll go lower over time naturally. Make sure that by "physical attraction" you don't confuse looks compared to magazine standards, how people around you perceive her, specific body parts etc. as that shit is pretty much meaningless in the long run. With actual attraction, as that's a feeling shown by e.g. getting aroused when you smell her, hear her voice, that feeling in the chest when you see her randomly, and generally the response and induction of chemicals in your body when interacting with hers. This is pretty much the bedrock of any romantic relationship | ||
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Artanis[Xp]
Netherlands12973 Posts
On July 14 2016 14:13 Beelzebub1 wrote: ^ Nothing is wrong with you, meeting women online is impossible unless your like a 9 or a 10 and that's pretty damn rare for a male, most males fall between 4 and 7 at least in my eyes as a heterosexual man. The only thing that's wrong with you is your desperate for love and women can smell desperate a mile away, get in shape, learn to talk to people, get a job, the women will follow my man. Not necessarily. I met my gf on TL and I'm definitely not a 9 or 10  | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
I suppose to put all these questions into one: Is having sex with someone you have (unrequited) feelings for and knowing this thing would be on the clock from the start better or worse, than just turning away from it and walking away? | ||
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Khenra
Netherlands885 Posts
On July 14 2016 19:31 Volband wrote: What's your opinion on having a kind of friends with benefits status with someone you already feel something towards? Is it possible to enjoy it before the ship inevitably sinks? Or is it doomed for disaster, even if one thinks he is aware of how this would just be a temporary fling for the other person? I suppose to put all these questions into one: Is having sex with someone you have (unrequited) feelings for and knowing this thing would be on the clock from the start better or worse, than just turning away from it and walking away? Well, no one can really answer that besides you. But in my experience: run and never look back. I got into a situation like you are describing two years ago, and the few moments of bliss were definitely not worth all the sadness that is plagueing me to this day. On to a different topic: my dating life. Here's the thing: the more time I invest in finding a partner without success, the worse I will feel about being single. But the less time I invest, the lower the chances for me to actually find a partner. So far, I have been on the road of 'not chasing anything and just do my own thing', without much success. All (as in, 100%) of the women that I meet and am attracted to are already in a relationship. By now I am seriously starting to consider using some kind of dating app or whatever, but I feel the chances of success are so low that it's not worth it (as in, will only make me feel crap for being single). TL, offer me some advice here. It's been too long  For reference, I'm 26 years old. | ||
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[DUF]MethodMan
Germany1716 Posts
On July 14 2016 19:31 Volband wrote: What's your opinion on having a kind of friends with benefits status with someone you already feel something towards? Is it possible to enjoy it before the ship inevitably sinks? Or is it doomed for disaster, even if one thinks he is aware of how this would just be a temporary fling for the other person? I suppose to put all these questions into one: Is having sex with someone you have (unrequited) feelings for and knowing this thing would be on the clock from the start better or worse, than just turning away from it and walking away? You're already in it mate. You can be aware of as many things as you want to be, you can know no matter how much shit about the other person, your own self and the way (your) relationships tend to work out. What I learned from living a rather excessive life in that department, is that you will always fall for someone at some point, so long as you get close enough, physically and mentally. I strongly believe this applies to almost anyone, even though I might be especially prone to it and thus I live my life with little consistency in relationships (does apply to friends as well). But I digress. You will want to live it to the fullest, as these kind of relationships tend to be the most fulfilling from a sexual point of view. You will pay in the end though, as either the friendship will suffer or even entirely be destroyed, or you will fall for the other person and have a very hard time leaving, since it is not only emotions tying you to her (I assume it's a girl), but also and probably more importantly the sex. You might find difficulties dealing with your own perception of masculinity and how she could attack it when things are getting bad. This of course is all anecdotal, but happened far too often with too many very different women for me, so I'd be aware of her "getting back at you" IF you guys can't live the fairytale of the two homies, who just happen to fuck each other when they feel like it. It could feel like this at first, even for months as far as I've experienced it. But sooner or later you will definitely enter some sort of relationshipstatus with her, unless one of you runs away and thus ends the friendship with all the benefits altogether. So, all in all you have to ask yourself pretty much one question: Has your life up until this point been sexually fulfilled? If yes, I'd wager you wouldn't even ask about this stuff online, much less the very question you're asking. If no, definitely go for it, be gentle, be polite but definitely run as fast as you can when you notice shit going downhill, because it won't stop there and will only get worse. Much worse. On July 14 2016 20:47 Khenra wrote: Well, no one can really answer that besides you. But in my experience: run and never look back. I got into a situation like you are describing two years ago, and the few moments of bliss were definitely not worth all the sadness that is plagueing me to this day. On to a different topic: my dating life. Here's the thing: the more time I invest in finding a partner without success, the worse I will feel about being single. But the less time I invest, the lower the chances for me to actually find a partner. So far, I have been on the road of 'not chasing anything and just do my own thing', without much success. All (as in, 100%) of the women that I meet and am attracted to are already in a relationship. By now I am seriously starting to consider using some kind of dating app or whatever, but I feel the chances of success are so low that it's not worth it (as in, will only make me feel crap for being single). TL, offer me some advice here. It's been too long For reference, I'm 26 years old.From my experience, you'll have a hard time finding someone who is looking for the same thing on a dating site/app. Common sense also should tell you, these kinda things are just for sex. I don't use them, but from friends who do, I know not a single relationship sprung from it, but it was good to find a quick fuck. In the end this just might be what you need lol, you sound like you're way too deep in the need of having a relationship for the sake of having a relationship. Get back to basics, fuck a girl, see if you like her, there you go. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On July 14 2016 21:32 [DUF]MethodMan wrote: It could feel like this at first, even for months as far as I've experienced it. But sooner or later you will definitely enter some sort of relationshipstatus with her, unless one of you runs away and thus ends the friendship with all the benefits altogether. It's pretty much how I imagined it; like setting off a time bomb. The reason I am thinking about going this way because I hardly see a way for this friendship to survive either way, so my thinking is basically "...then I might as well". Which sounds fun and games until I potentially overestimate the effect of such an encounter and I'll be stuck between a rock and a hard place. To be fair, it feels like I'm trying to participate in an already lost game. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7032 Posts
On July 14 2016 17:55 Artanis[Xp] wrote: Not necessarily. I met my gf on TL and I'm definitely not a 9 or 10 But maybe your girlfriend thinks that you're a 9 or a 10. (definitely an 8 :p ) This ranking system that online dating experts employ seems rather reductive. Most people just compromise and aim for 'not unattractive' and then after falling in love will be smitten with their partner's looks. None of the women that I've ever had serious feelings for would have been ranked highly by this system, but it doesn't matter because you can pick out aspects that appeal to you. So one person might be overweight, but she has beautiful brown eyes and a kind smile, and when you think about her those features stand out above everything else. The starting point is that her personality appeals to you and then physical attraction is created out of nothing. At least that's what happens for me, for others it might be different. | ||
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Grumbels
Netherlands7032 Posts
So because of this line of thinking I almost took our friendship for granted, but actually I've only met her like four times and I barely know her beyond some hours of conversation. I find it a bit difficult to reign in my enthusiasm, I was borderline careless by being too familiar with her without having earned it. The whole thing feels weird, kind of like I've been offered a chance to meet a 'kindred spirit', and it's up to me to not ruin it. But it's fraught with pitfalls since she is not privy to this fantasy that I projected on her. It feels to me like it will go wrong and I will somehow confuse myself with unrealistic expectations and standards. | ||
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farvacola
United States18866 Posts
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 14 2016 14:46 evilfatsh1t wrote:the only problem is my physical attraction for my current girlfriend isnt peaking. its still early stages and physical attraction is definitely not the most important in a relationship, but if the attraction is minimal what would you guys do? stick with her knowing the chemistry you have with her is rare or look for someone who has it all? I have and would look for someone else. 2-3 of the girls I've dated so far have been close to perfect personality wise (well as much as I got to know them) but the attraction just wasn't there. If it's not there for me, I don't really feel like I want to see them, I enjoy talking to them but it's not enough for me. | ||
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B.I.G.
3251 Posts
Also gents, working on being the most awesome you you can be is great, but if you want to convert that into female attention you're still gonna have to make an effort  Just my opinion. | ||
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Deleted User 173346
16169 Posts
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farvacola
United States18866 Posts
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[sc1f]eonzerg
Belgium7009 Posts
girl answer :hahaha flower thief. ofcourse im specialist to give amazing answer,i told her that i was the owner and i have rights,but then i decided to go one step further and finish with,yeah maybe i risk to go prison and that will be your fault -- (yes no kidding i used this emote -- ) well after several days i understood that i was like 0.01 to touch the ground,she ddint reply anymore and to be honest with me i dont think there was any hope ,and i was just looking for an strong argument to drop this story already.So i msged that girl that u always saving in cases like this(emergency case,back of confident etc etc)and in the begin it was going really well until i told her i cant wait to see you. im trying to get some sense of humor from this;; but yeah is not funny at all,atleast no now  | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
On July 15 2016 06:37 [sc1f]eonzerg wrote: so i think i annoyed her to death,sent her a picture of my garden with roses, with a msg make place for them. girl answer :hahaha flower thief. ofcourse im specialist to give amazing answer,i told her that i was the owner and i have rights,but then i decided to go one step further and finish with,yeah maybe i risk to go prison and that will be your fault -- (yes no kidding i used this emote -- ) well after several days i understood that i was like 0.01 to touch the ground,she ddint reply anymore and to be honest with me i dont think there was any hope ,and i was just looking for an strong argument to drop this story already.So i msged that girl that u always saving in cases like this(emergency case,back of confident etc etc)and in the begin it was going really well until i told her i cant wait to see you. [...] im trying to get some sense of humor from this;; but yeah is not funny at all,atleast no now Yeah, you are having a real talent at scaring people away. Like wtf? Even if trying really hard it would be difficult to mimic your skills here. Where did you learn that? Did you watch korean drama 24/7 for the last 10 years? | ||
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[sc1f]eonzerg
Belgium7009 Posts
On July 15 2016 06:42 mahrgell wrote: Yeah, you are having a real talent at scaring people away. Like wtf? Even if trying really hard it would be difficult to mimic your skills here. Where did you learn that? Did you watch korean drama 24/7 for the last 10 years? hmm maybe the heirs and the producers influenced me in a no really positive way :d ,idk really what happened with me lately,3 years ago i date a girl in the most unexpected way ever,i told her she looked like Dracula and she was in shock.but yeah i fixed it like it wasnt what i mean but she looked tired and i will love to invite her to a coffee,and it was very nice..dark times ;; | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On July 15 2016 06:37 [sc1f]eonzerg wrote: so i think i annoyed her to death,sent her a picture of my garden with roses, with a msg make place for them. Um, I'm not actually sure I understand what just happened. I honestly don't think it was that bad at all. Saying "maybe i risk to go prison and that will be your fault" is just banter, if she can't see that it's a joke well then I wouldn't bother with her. I joke about far darker things with the girls I talk to... But I'm me Maybe don't drop that line if you talked for her for 5 minutes, but once you are warmed up to each other that shouldn't be a problem. | ||
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mahrgell
Germany3943 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On July 14 2016 17:55 Artanis[Xp] wrote: Not necessarily. I met my gf on TL and I'm definitely not a 9 or 10 but you're 11/10 in flips though | ||
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