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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on. Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments. Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. | ||
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IgnE
United States7684 Posts
On June 08 2016 10:05 plasmidghost wrote: After over two years without trying to date, I decided to give online dating a go and it just killed any confidence or self-esteem I had, gg What happened? Did you tell the girls that you liked your ipod more than fuckin? | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
On June 08 2016 10:05 plasmidghost wrote: After over two years without trying to date, I decided to give online dating a go and it just killed any confidence or self-esteem I had, gg I'm curious about your experiences as I'm learning the ropes of online dating (and dating in general, I suppose) as well. My sense of self-worth and confidence was (and still is, though much better) rather volatile, and that means I had moments when I came to terms with the fact I'll never ever have anyone and I'm most probably the most uggo motherfucker out there. But trying online dating helped, especially since my basic assumption was "no one would ever want me", so when the bar is set on the ground, it's not that hard to gain some positive disappointments. Even if someone just "1"-s me on badoo and won't even bother writing back, or loses interest after a few lines, she still found me at least considerably attractive for whatever purpose she was looking around guys for! And I still have things to improve on. My grooming habits are non-existant, I still just get out of the bed, wash my teeth then go. I'd like to spend at least some time on my hair, because when magically my hair aligns in a certain way, I actually find my reflection rather handsome! Buying clothes that fit me (still not completely there, my shorts could be smaller, but it's fucking hard to shop good clothes when you are kid-sized...) felt good too. I did not even meet with any girl in these new clothes, but just wearing them... I don't know, I don't feel stupid? Also, my effort that went into online dating were rather minimal. I just threw my facebook pictures up, the newest which is 1.5 years old and not exactly... um... selling myself? Like, you probably know how there's a game going on, where you have to present yourself the best way possible, even being over the top with it. My best/most rated picture is a graduation photo. I graduated 5 years ago, bro. xD It feels so exhausting to ask friends to take pictures of me, but also make sure that I am "casually" looking hot in a totally attractive scenario and so on. I'll try to make some new pix sometime during the end of the month, but I already feel the struggle as I am trying to decide how to pose. Oh, a thought on that last part! I was out with a friend at a bar where we really hit it off with one of the waitreses. Point is, we ordered some fancy looking cocktail and I wanted to took some pictures of him with it, because I figured it looked cool and almost convinced him to put it up on Fbook as his new profile picture. But we asked the waitress too, She straight out said some of the pictures were lame and 1-2 were OK, but not even close to the profile picture he already had. I was like wtf... On those pictures he was at a bar with a fancy drink while looking oh so casually. That should be hot, not lame - well, she only said lame to the one picture where I had him looking into the camera and having a half smile. I think even if you are trying online dating in the hopes of making an actual relationship and flat out ignore chances of just a casual hookup, getting responses, from even mediocre girls should be enough for a first step. I am still yet to find a girl whom I consider pretty, sane and I can maintain her interest, but the fact I can at least attract some of the 5 or 6/10s and occasionally getting eyed by some of the more prettier ones. As I said, I still have ways to improve my overall presentation, so if I can up those 5s and 6s to an average 7.5 at least, I'd be fine - jk, I'd be a greedy fuck and want more, but shhh. Probably the two biggest turns off I can imagine is the age difference and if you are obese. You can't help the former, but even if you are older, there are a BUNCH of mature people on these sites, like holy f... and if you are obese, then man, whenever I'm stuffing myself while my tears are popping because I am not even hungry, I envy those who just has to lose weight and not gain it. 9 out of 10 success stories are about how obese people gave an effort, lost a lot of weight and turned out to be sexy mofos. And there's that one lonely story no one even gives a shit about, where the slim guy gained some pounds and made himself look better. :D | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 08 2016 10:05 plasmidghost wrote: After over two years without trying to date, I decided to give online dating a go and it just killed any confidence or self-esteem I had, gg I think the only way you can get anything out of online dating is to not expect much from online dating  | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 08 2016 14:48 Volband wrote: Oh, a thought on that last part! I was out with a friend at a bar where we really hit it off with one of the waitreses. Point is, we ordered some fancy looking cocktail I see she does her job very well | ||
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Daxz
9 Posts
There is a prevalent ideology that permeates western culture, and it is what causes a lot of the sad stories I see shared here. That ideology, is feminism. Now, before a mod comes and deletes this post due to "misogyny", I'd like to point out that I havent said anything that can be construed as hating women. Feminism is an ideology, not all women, and criticizing feminism is not criticising women. I hope we can have a discussion about this. Before I go on to explain how feminism causes a lot of the problems men in this thread are having, I'll wait and see if this post is allowed to stand. I'll leave this here though. http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/ | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
Your life is your decision, it's on you to go honestly after what you want even if media etc. tell you otherwise. And I'm sure if you put your mind into it there's that double vagina girl somewhere out there for you too (if that's what you're after) | ||
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Laurens
Belgium4558 Posts
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 08 2016 18:21 Laurens wrote: Redpill alert, evacuate while you can! Does that mean Period? Because I can't get my girl to do it, she too feels "dirty" apparently  | ||
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bloodwhore~
1010 Posts
On June 08 2016 18:24 LemOn wrote: Does that mean Period? Because I can't get my girl to do it, she too feels "dirty" apparently Really? I had sex with my youngling/fuck buddy when she had her period. Although it feels a bit more work as you don't want blood everywhere. Also Red pill is like PUA/beta/alfa type shit i think | ||
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Mikau
Netherlands1446 Posts
On June 08 2016 17:35 Daxz wrote: Reading this thread is pretty sad. Not in a "haha, you guys are pathetic" sort of way, just genuinely sad. There is a prevalent ideology that permeates western culture, and it is what causes a lot of the sad stories I see shared here. That ideology, is feminism. Now, before a mod comes and deletes this post due to "misogyny", I'd like to point out that I havent said anything that can be construed as hating women. Feminism is an ideology, not all women, and criticizing feminism is not criticising women. I hope we can have a discussion about this. Before I go on to explain how feminism causes a lot of the problems men in this thread are having, I'll wait and see if this post is allowed to stand. I'll leave this here though. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m1VVQTHRDgs http://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/ Not going to say you're right or wrong here, just ask you why it matters. The only thing you have control over is how you act. You can spend all day thinking about what makes your life difficult and how the odds are stacked against you and wallowing in self pity, but at the end of the day that will get you nowhere. All you can do is accept the reality for what it is, and make the most out of it. I don't get men like you who seem to do nothing but point fingers and cry about how unfair everything is. It is literally the least productive thing you can do. This is coming from somebody who is having trouble with dating and is often discouraged by it, yet keeps a positive attitude about it. | ||
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Volband
Hungary6034 Posts
Duuuude, you just triggered me with stepping on my pride! All righty, I'm gonna have to tell the whole story now, and I'll be interested if you'd say the same after that too. There we were, my and my course-mate whom we really hit it off, so became pretty good mates considering we only knew each other for a few days. Anyway, let's name him R. We were at the mall, goofing around and he kept telling me that one of the girls at a "shop" was hot as hell and he just fallen in love. Once again, I felt rather happy, which means I entered into my no fuck zone, so I convinced him to just go there, talk with her - I knew it won't lead to anywhere, just wanted to have fun. So there we were, and I had to keep a conversation rolling about phone-cases, because that's what they (two girls) were doing there, printing custom stuff on phonecases. I don't even use my phone let alone know shit about them, but I just kept blabbing around, trying to jab a few lighthearted silliness along their way, and trying to involve R into the conversation. It went like absolute shit, because the dark haired girl he was eyeing was working under their desk, so we were talking with the other girl the whole time. In hindsight, I could've been much more brave, like even drop him into the deep water, asking the other girl to abandon her work for a while, and check R out, and basically "sell" him to her... yeah, it's pointless to talk about the could've been, it was still funny. Does this have anything to do with my story? Not really. Then I insisted on going into a bar (any bar, any place where I can buy a beer) because I wanted to drink something after we were walking around the whole day. At the entrance of this said pub, there was this girl, 160>cm, blonde, wearing a uniform, which was a black formal suit with red and white stripped ties. I was still feeling hypey from our previous encounter so I was like "whoaaa, are we at the wrong place? we are just mere peasants, maybe we should find another place." She laughed, she was really cool, and yes, not just really open like you'd expect a waiter/waitress to be, she had a cool personality too. We initially wanted a beer, but it was so goddamn expensive that we turned our head to the cocktails which were 50% off that time. Now, if I am presented with a choice, I just freeze. I have an impulse, point to one of the choices, but if you ask me if I'm sure... bam, you got me. The initial "OH MY GOD I CANT DECIDE" conversation between the three of us were sadly genuine, as i just told you, I really wanted to try something nice, but seeing how well she came along with us, I eventually made my inability to decide deliberate. And I'll have you know, that it was ME who kept this shit rolling! Overall, R is a much more cooler guy than me, he's the one who drives around his car, rap music to the max and just overall cool. Still, he had some rather lame game there, though to be fair, I can overclock like crazy. I tried to grab every opportunity to be able to talk about something or preferably, make something funny out of them. It was like a game of ping-pong. Making my mind go like *snap *snap* *snap*, while accessing the replies (verbal, body language, etc) to decide whether I'm "good at her" and should I keep on serving or not. Eventually we managed to decide, and while she sent our orders to the mixer, I, being not the moron I look I am, thought it trhough. Yes, she is a waitress. Yes, it is her job to be like that. I was telling this to R, because he asked me wtf was that. I tried to be reasonable, there was no need to forcefully convince myself that I am literally the most entertaining man in the world; even if I just had a fun chat with a waitress, that's actually huge! But one thing I can't bear is leaving question marks behind, so I had to dig the bottom of this one way or another or I would've went crazy. She came back to us WILLINGLY when she did not have to greet the newcomers. Yes, I do realize she was probably bored out of her mind, but that was the thing I could not set my mind on, if I genuenly wanted to know how far a thing like this can go. So we kept chatting, told her what we are doing in the big city, asked about her, blahblah, exhanging questions. The most important thing I learned about her is that she has a dark secret as well. Her story had a gaping, wide black hole, which screamed some kind of shitty things going down her past. Chill, she was sane though. During one of the breaks (=she was not there) I took the pictures I was talking about. Somehow she agreed to go into a game where we can guess her name so we can find her on Facebook. Now, this is the least fucking important detail, yet, for some reason, one of my proudest moment because I guessed both her first and second name properly! I needed to share this information, sorry! Anyway, we also asked her about the pictures I took about R, and that was when she said the profile picture he had then was by far the best, it looks really cool. All right, now this is where the story breaks. I was entertaining the idea to try to make a move on her somewhere along the line. No, not then, not there, but if she'd be up to meet with me or us later. However, the way she talked about R's picture and I stepped back a second to re-evaluate the situation I had to realize she became interested in him. Fuck me! To still get something out of it I could be proud of later, I changed my approach to get them closer together. He had his phone there, so I told him only he can send a friend request to the girl, and when were talking about that we wanted to watch the new Cpt. America, R finally, after 20 minutes awakened and asked her if she'd like to join us watching it the other day. Dude, I was like "wtffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff", but she put on a thinking face and said, sure, she really enjoyed it the first time, so there's a chance! Another break and I tell R that she's onto him. He was like no way, I should go for her (oh, he also had, well, has a GF, but she's more like a... gf for the sake of having a gf), and he did not do shit anyway, and he did not understand where the fuck did my behaviour come from, because he had seen the complete opposite of this from me the previous days. Minor argument ensured, where we tried to drop the thought of making a move on her around to eachother. We long finished our drinks and when she came back she asked us if we'd like one more. R already started to tell her that sure, why not, but I interrupted and asked her to give us a few minutes. I told him he is being stupid, because the only reason we would order another drink is to have more time to talk with her. I'm not thirsty, you are not thirsty, buying TWO cocktails in a row with the salary and spending of ours is just bollocks. Also, we would feel like complete idiots. Let's assume all that happened there was an act, her being a top notch waitress - if we leave right now, it's still fine, we had fun, and the drink was nice too. If we pay for another drink we don't even want to, for the pathetic reason to be able to keep talking with her, and at the end of the day, she might even gets a bonus for skinning us, then we would be idiots.Also, I pointed out that the quality if the conversation dropped significantly. I did not want to press things too hard anyway, because I was no longer trying to sell myself, and there were moments of silence as well, whereas at the beginning we could go on forever. But that is not necessary a sign of her being not genuinly interested, it's just, how do oyu keep a proper conversation somewhere who has to leave anytime between 20 second to 3 minutes, and also, it's her workplace, she can't just join us in drinking. He listened to reason and we left. He was really unsure whether he should message her. Kept saying I should go for it, etc. Now, guys, in case you ever be in his shoes, I greatly appreciate the recognition, but hearing it 0-24 how it was mainly my efforts which led there to you being able to ask her out does not exactly make me feel better when I liked her too. :D Okay, after hard pressing him, he said all right, he'll write, but did not know when. Now, this is where i thought we completely fucked. We were 3 in our room, and basically we made it a co-jointed effort to ask her out, the problem is, we both had entirely different mentality. R said all right, let's give it a try, but he won't try, he's not confident right now, not sure what should he write. I was determined to make this happen, and I am good with words, expect when it comes to girls of course, because I don't have much idea what I'm saying then. I'm also rather peculiar when it's about "more important" girls, like, I'm trying to be... nice? I'm also imagining every single sentence or even word selection as having at least 5 meanings. And our third roommate was like "just fuck that bitch up" xD. I wrote something first, you know, baby steps, then our 3rd room mate just took the phone and asked her if she wants to meet. Right now. J E S U S. I was devastated, and her eventual reply was more than disappointing. She said she had a lot of stuff coming up the next day. Yeah, right. GG, what a waste of energy! ... or was it?! Turned out, when R sent her a final message, something along the lines it's fine if she doesn't want to meet, he won't bother her anymore, she immidietly got back to him. Oh, no-no, it's not that, she really had stuff to do, etc. To make a longer story shorter, they eventually meet two days later and they had fun. He said she's really cool, she insisted on paying (said he can pay the next time they meet), and even threatened him that she will just leave if he won't let her. Niiice. Also, she's not an "easy woman" by any means, she was not driven by to score one fast at all. Also, she did have dark stuff, but I told him not to tell me - I rather don't know about these things. Now, how it will end is mainly up to R, so if he will eventually let it fade away, then that's really not my problem anymore. I told him that IMO (and you people can chip in on that) the best way totest the waters for sure is to ask her out on a movie date (this already happened, she said yes) and tell her that he can't say for too long, because his last train is like... 21:00, and it's almost a 3 hours long ride. She has her own apartment, so... even if she would still not have sex with him, if she'd like to keep him around, she'd invite him, right? I mean, if her answer would be "Aaaaw, dang it!!" then it would be rather disheartening. Honestly now, give me some credit guys. I genuinly think I freakin' worked it, and it was not just a "yep, she's a waitress allright" thing! | ||
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Daxz
9 Posts
On June 08 2016 18:58 Mikau wrote: Not going to say you're right or wrong here, just ask you why it matters. The only thing you have control over is how you act. You can spend all day thinking about what makes your life difficult and how the odds are stacked against you and wallowing in self pity, but at the end of the day that will get you nowhere. All you can do is accept the reality for what it is, and make the most out of it. I don't get men like you who seem to do nothing but point fingers and cry about how unfair everything is. It is literally the least productive thing you can do. This is coming from somebody who is having trouble with dating and is often discouraged by it, yet keeps a positive attitude about it. Am I wallowing in self pity? Have I "done nothing but point fingers and cry about how unfair everything is."? No, I haven't. My point is, if you're having problems with dating and women, you might want to consider wether you have internalised some or all of feminisms' doctrines, because they will all be detrimental to all aspects of your life. "Accepting reality for what it is", is rejecting feminsms' doctrines. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
My point is, if you're having problems with dating and women, you might want to consider wether you have internalised some or all of feminisms' doctrines, because they will all be detrimental to all aspects of your life. Ugh. Please. Anyways, on topic: plasmidghost, don't let online dating define and dictate your self-worth. You are more than your e-profile | ||
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Daxz
9 Posts
On June 08 2016 19:15 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: A 1-post troll posting propaganda about how feminism means men are shit, when in reality feminism has been an important civil rights movement designed to empower both women and men, acknowledging and fighting for equality and fairness. It's a supremacy movement, not an egalitarian one. How has feminism "empowered" men? If feminism is about equality, why do feminists consitently vote against egalitarian child custody laws? If feminism is about equality, why do feminist domestic violence shelters refuse men access? If feminism is about equality, why do feminists oppose female military draft? If feminism is about equality, why is a problem that men dominate STEM, but not that women dominate law and medicine studies? I could go on.. That video is incredibly, incredibly biased and ugly. It lists sobering realities that men need to deal with that are unfair, yet inappropriately claims that "feminism" is the cause to all of these, which is just crap. And yet you cannot explain why she is wrong. She explains in detail how feminism is the cause. You mean please explain how? Ok then! Take objectification for example, which states that when a man is attracted to a womans body, he is dehumanizing her in his mind. Feminist will typically talk about objectification like it is some sort of proved psychological mechanism with tons of evidence to support it. It isn't. It is merely speculation from feminist theory with no hard evidence to support it at all. Pure speculation and ideological conjecture. Consider how this will impact men who believe in this. The implication is that you should not be attracted to a womans body, but her personality. You should be ashamed of being attracted to that hot girl, and should not express this attraction. | ||
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
On June 07 2016 21:57 LemOn wrote: I'm finally there... Ready to make it facebook official after 1.5 years men! Plan is to propose on her birthday, get on one knee, and pull out a banner with "will you be my facebook girlfriend" , hope she says yes! (we've never been in friends even) Out of curiosity, why is posting your relationship status on Facebook such a big step? I'm accustomed to seeing those kinds of things get updated on social media mere hours after a couple becomes officially exclusive in real life (or just never at all if the two people don't really use Facebook). | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 08 2016 19:11 Daxz wrote: Am I wallowing in self pity? Have I "done nothing but point fingers and cry about how unfair everything is."? No, I haven't. My point is, if you're having problems with dating and women, you might want to consider wether you have internalised some or all of feminisms' doctrines, because they will all be detrimental to all aspects of your life. "Accepting reality for what it is", is rejecting feminsms' doctrines. Why'd you even look into them in the first place, seems like an irrelevant waste of time when you could just focus on yourself. That stuff you posted seems pretty much pointless. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
On June 08 2016 19:48 DarkPlasmaBall wrote: Out of curiosity, why is posting your relationship status on Facebook such a big step? I'm accustomed to seeing those kinds of things get updated on social media mere hours after a couple becomes officially exclusive in real life (or just never at all if the two people don't really use Facebook). Well here close to 100% friends, exes, large part of family etc. are on there. And we're not even in friends, and have been exclusive for about a year. So I want to make a hilariously big deal out of going from nothing at all on there to straight into displayed relationship  | ||
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Daxz
9 Posts
On June 08 2016 19:55 LemOn wrote: Why'd you even look into them in the first place, seems like an irrelevant waste of time when you could just focus on yourself. That stuff you posted seems pretty much pointless. You don't seem to understand that specific doctrines have specific consequences for how you act. If you believe in a bunch on nonsense about the nature of men, women and life, you will make bad decisions, which many men here have made. These men aren't having problems because they don't know what to say to a girl they like, they have problems because of their beliefs. You can't help by telling them what to say, you can help by getting them to confront the fact that their beliefs are holding them back. | ||
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LemOn
United Kingdom8629 Posts
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DarkPlasmaBall
United States46686 Posts
On June 08 2016 20:06 LemOn wrote: Well here close to 100% friends, exes, large part of family etc. are on there. And we're not even in friends, and have been exclusive for about a year. So I want to make a hilariously big deal out of going from nothing at all on there to straight into displayed relationship Cool 0 to 60  | ||
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