|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 20 2015 07:38 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 20 2015 07:23 WarSame wrote:
You say that every time. Maybe you're gay? Are you still doing NoFap? LOL. Was not expecting that response huehue. Lets list the ones I've gone on two or more dates with in order, and also fuck the fake names I came up with, I can't remember them myself. Rebecca. Awesome personality, didn't really feel attracted/any real chemistry. Feelsbadman that nothing happened here. Cecilia. Decent personality, was attracted to her, she didn't want a relationship. Nika (changed because it is super unique..). Awesome personality, didn't really feel attracted/any real chemistry. Lisa. Fun personality although she felt kind of unstable after hearing stuff from Nika. Wife material in terms of looks, FUCK ME, I will most likely never date anyone as gorgeous as her again, my standards and demands have been forever changed. Annika. Really nice and friendly, personality sort of like Cecilia. She is really cute in some ways, not feeling it that good so far. Another kind of silly thing is I take in to account what their names are. Is it weird that I think attractiveness can be in the name? I think Rebecca and Cecilia are pretty sexy names. If I met someone with the personality of Rebecca/Nika and with the looks of Lisa with the name "Emilia" I'd fall for that girl like a fucking rock. I'm still on no fap. I don't really think of fapping anymore so it's not very hard, if I get super fucking horny again I will probably fap, otherwise I kinda like going around with boners. I'm on day 100 tomorrow so, will at least wait for triple digits before I do it  .
you strike me as a young dude way too interested in getting validation about your choices or what people will think vs just having fun, which is totally normal when you're inexperienced.
it's nice when you get that movie perfect first date but it doesnt happen a lot. there are a lot of people who had just an ok first date, nothing mind blowing, and then it clicked on the 2nd or 3rd dates. even really cool people take a little warming up at times.
my general rule of thumb used to be i'd go to at least three dates as long as I found them physically attractive, and I didn't think they were annoying, boring, dumb, or anything definitively negative along those lines (basically something a little more concrete than 'just not feeling it'). Basically the first dates are to get a very basic read to see if they're worth getting to know better, not for trying to determine if they're your soulmate at happy hour.
and care a little less about what people say. Who the fuck cares what Nika thinks or knows about Lisa, and why would you take her word on golden when you two dated? That's not exactly an unbiased source.
Find out stuff for yourself, and worry about if you like them, not whether other people do
|
On November 22 2015 05:14 QuanticHawk wrote:
you strike me as a young dude way too interested in getting validation about your choices or what people will think vs just having fun, which is totally normal when you're inexperienced.
it's nice when you get that movie perfect first date but it doesnt happen a lot. there are a lot of people who had just an ok first date, nothing mind blowing, and then it clicked on the 2nd or 3rd dates. even really cool people take a little warming up at times.
my general rule of thumb used to be i'd go to at least three dates as long as I found them physically attractive, and I didn't think they were annoying, boring, dumb, or anything negative along those lines. You are basically trying to get a read on a total stranger, and that's hard to do in one date.
and care a little less about what people say. Who the fuck cares what Nika thinks or knows about Lisa, and why would you take her word on golden when you two dated? That's not exactly an unbiased source.
Find out stuff for yourself, and worry about if you like them, not whether other people do
I don't know about validation, but I'd agree that I probably care about what others would think how my gf looked more than I should.
I care about what Nika said because she lives in the same house as Lisa and she is my friend. Furthermore, she said all of those things after Lisa had rejected me.
|
I mean validation as you want to hear 'damn your girlfriend is hot' or whatever you want others to say about her. I mean part is you looking for advice too obviously but it's really easy to get wrapped up about what people think about who you like and I've kind of caught that vibe from your posts at times.
again it's totally normal and everyone does it on some level, but you should be aware of it because it's self sabatoging. That really quickly turns into you finding someone you like and find attractive, but ulimately break up with because of insecurity about what others would think because she's too heavy, too tall, wrong religion, etc.
as far as Nika, I get that she is your friend. But you also dated her. She can still be a very good friend after that, but I would very much take her comments with a large grain of salt when you're discussing a mutual friend who you dated just after her.
As a general rule of thumb, you usually wanna disregard the 'oh i heard this about so and so' comments when you're dating someone new, if for no other reason than people love to fucking gab and you really wouldn't have a way of verifying that. Unless they're rumored to be doing something insane like selling drugs, joining isis, etc then maybe reconsider
|
Unless they're rumored to be doing something insane like selling drugs, joining isis, etc
I wouldn't really put selling drugs with joining ISIS unless we're talking being part of the Sinaloa cartel and they do enforcement on the side 
But Quantic is right about not listening to chatter from a roomie and not getting caught up in what other people may think.
|
On November 22 2015 05:43 QuanticHawk wrote:
I mean validation as you want to hear 'damn your girlfriend is hot' or whatever you want others to say about her. I mean part is you looking for advice too obviously but it's really easy to get wrapped up about what people think about who you like and I've kind of caught that vibe from your posts at times.
again it's totally normal and everyone does it on some level, but you should be aware of it because it's self sabatoging. That really quickly turns into you finding someone you like and find attractive, but ulimately break up with because of insecurity about what others would think because she's too heavy, too tall, wrong religion, etc.
Question is whether you try to mindfully accept that about yourself, get a nice girl and then keep asking yourself "what if I had a 9/10+" every time you wake up next to her and deal with those feelings maturely...
Or just get out of your way to get good with women, bang/date some 9/10+ before you are ready to settle down when you inevitably realize that absolute magazine looks are pretty much irrelevant, but you know you can get them any time you want.
|
I mean validation as you want to hear 'damn your girlfriend is hot' or whatever you want others to say about her. I mean part is you looking for advice too obviously but it's really easy to get wrapped up about what people think about who you like and I've kind of caught that vibe from your posts at times.
again it's totally normal and everyone does it on some level, but you should be aware of it because it's self sabatoging. That really quickly turns into you finding someone you like and find attractive, but ulimately break up with because of insecurity about what others would think because she's too heavy, too tall, wrong religion, etc.
Yeah this is probably very true, at least that I want it, I don't think I've dissed anyone because of it though.
as far as Nika, I get that she is your friend. But you also dated her. She can still be a very good friend after that, but I would very much take her comments with a large grain of salt when you're discussing a mutual friend who you dated just after her.
As a general rule of thumb, you usually wanna disregard the 'oh i heard this about so and so' comments when you're dating someone new, if for no other reason than people love to fucking gab and you really wouldn't have a way of verifying that. Unless they're rumored to be doing something insane like selling drugs, joining isis, etc then maybe reconsider
No need to worry, I take everything with a grain of salt. Lisa is one of her better friends I think so I doubt she would just go spread horrible rumours about her. It's the first time it has happened and as I said it was after we dated she said those things as well, I have never dated anyone in my social circle or anyone even remotely near my social circle before.
Question is whether you try to mindfully accept that about yourself, get a nice girl and then keep asking yourself "what if I had a 9/10+" every time you wake up next to her and deal with those feelings maturely...
Or just get out of your way to get good with women, bang/date some 9/10+ before you are ready to settle down when you inevitably realize that absolute magazine looks are pretty much irrelevant, but you know you can get them any time you want.
Yeah I think I will have to make a few mistakes like this to get it into my head. It's pretty much impossible to force my brain to like someone.
|
Well, this is a struggle. Girl I'm talking to is pretty responsive, but didn't manage to do anything this weekend and not gonna be able to hang out Monday/Tuesday before I head home for Thanksgiving. Trying to schedule something for next weekend, hopefully it works out.
Man, I feel like 2 weeks is kind of a gap (again my freaky out-y nature). Date 2 feels super crucial, but it's been hard to set up. Would have already happened if her car hadn't died a couple weeks back. This timetable is pretty annoying, but hey, call me crazy but I think she's worth the effort.
|
She doesn't seem to think that you are.
|
IgnE with his trademark motivational speeches 
|
Can't argue with his logic though. I don't buy the fact that someone would be busy constantly for two weeks, if she wanted to meet you she would make time.
I would just agree that you meet in two weeks and forget about her until then, in the meanwhile ask out other girls.
|
I got a date with my girl today. She is coming to my place, we're going to make some fried bananas and ice cream, maybe watch a movie or something.
Unless I start to feel something today I will tell her that I will most likely not be interested in a relationship with her and that we should stop talking if a relationship is all that she wants (maybe can get some kind of fuckbuddy thing going on?).
|
On November 23 2015 17:32 bloodwhore~ wrote:
I got a date with my girl today. She is coming to my place, we're going to make some fried bananas and ice cream, maybe watch a movie or something.
Unless I start to feel something today I will tell her that I will most likely not be interested in a relationship with her and that we should stop talking if a relationship is all that she wants (maybe can get some kind of fuckbuddy thing going on?).
Boy, is that just ripe for use as a euphemism.
|
On November 23 2015 17:39 Zambrah wrote:Boy, is that just ripe for use as a euphemism.
I googled euphemism but I'm not 100% sure that I understand what you mean.. It was not meant as "netflix and chill" if that is what you were asking haha.
|
Eh why even bring that up oO did she tell you she only wants a serious relationship?
|
On November 23 2015 17:55 LemOn wrote:
Eh why even bring that up oO did she tell you she only wants a serious relationship?
God I want to answer this now but I have to go! Brb 2 hours
|
Just have fun, hang out, hook up leave relationship talks to her.
|
On November 23 2015 17:56 LemOn wrote:
Just have fun, hang out, hook up leave relationship talks to her.
I think this depends on whether a "what are you looking for" talk has happened and what was said. If they both stated/know about the other person that they're looking for a relationship it would be in very poor taste to just hook up and not mention anything if he has since realised he only wants a FWB type thing.
|
On November 23 2015 17:52 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 23 2015 17:39 Zambrah wrote:Boy, is that just ripe for use as a euphemism. I googled euphemism but I'm not 100% sure that I understand what you mean.. It was not meant as "netflix and chill" if that is what you were asking haha.
I know it wasn't meant as that, it just seems like a really, really good phrase for a euphemism.
The world always needs more ways to colorfully refer to sexual intercourse!
|
From what we know all she's said is she wanted to take it slow on the 1st date? Now it's the 3rd date, so pretty much I'd push forward and do just that unless she.brings anything up again. I seriously don't get how people can know what they want with the person when they don't really know them and why even have those talks unless they want marriage and kids asap.
|
Siding with LemOn for once
I'd say it's not unusual to not have feelings for a girl yet on 3rd date, especially if you didn't know her before.
No need to stop seeing her. Just have fun and see what happens.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
