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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
IgnE
Profile Joined November 2010
United States7681 Posts
November 11 2015 04:02 GMT
#14861
Men aren't underhanded.
The unrealistic sound of these propositions is indicative, not of their utopian character, but of the strength of the forces which prevent their realization.
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
November 11 2015 04:15 GMT
#14862
Plenty of men are. Most men would be if the rewards of doing so balanced out the repercussions if caught combined with the probability of being caught. To say flat out that men aren't underhanded is idiotic. I'm a man, I'm underhanded sometimes. Therefore, either I'm not a man, I'm not actually underhanded(because I'm a man and men can't be underhanded) or, most likely, you're wrong.
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-11-11 04:39:10
November 11 2015 04:35 GMT
#14863
Our ancestors also didn't have much problem with rape and murder but we kind of changed our minds about that too haven't we? And besides who says she is a side mate?

Edit: Ah I see now your just arguing for the sake of arguing. Yes technically it can be considered manly because a lot of men have done it throughout history. We both know what I meant though.
Fyodor
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada971 Posts
November 11 2015 04:56 GMT
#14864
On November 11 2015 12:54 WarSame wrote:
How is it not manly? Plenty of our ancestors successfully reproduced by sneaking in on the side mate of a dominant male. The side mates don't get enough attention and material support, and they crept in, had sex with the side mates, then provided support in return to support their children. It's such an effective strategy it's become part of our genetic makeup. However, it's socially disowned, which is why it's not talked about much. It's underhanded, but don't mistake that for unmanly.

haha that's hilarious!
llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
WarSame
Profile Blog Joined February 2010
Canada1950 Posts
November 11 2015 05:17 GMT
#14865
On November 11 2015 13:35 B.I.G. wrote:
Our ancestors also didn't have much problem with rape and murder but we kind of changed our minds about that too haven't we? And besides who says she is a side mate?

Edit: Ah I see now your just arguing for the sake of arguing. Yes technically it can be considered manly because a lot of men have done it throughout history. We both know what I meant though.

I'm not arguing just to argue. My point was that it's stupid to select an attribute and say "It's manly". Is throwing a football manly? Is fixing your car manly? Is earning a fulltime salary manly? Is being a CEO manly? So no, I don't know what you mean.
Can it be I stayed away too long? Did you miss these rhymes while I was gone?
Fyodor
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
Canada971 Posts
November 11 2015 05:35 GMT
#14866
On November 11 2015 07:59 arb wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 11 2015 06:28 Fyodor wrote:
On November 07 2015 14:21 Fyodor wrote:
I'm trying out lemon's communication starvation tactic. Seems to not be terrible. At the end of the date she asked for another one and texted me right after.


Update: Getting put on the backburner now pretty sure. She said she'd "check" if she was available this weekend because she already had plans. Then I give an alternate date and she just repeats "I'll check".

Ain't nobody got time for that, who does she think she is.

move on to the next one dawg

already on it my man!

On November 11 2015 08:49 LemOn wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 11 2015 06:28 Fyodor wrote:
On November 07 2015 14:21 Fyodor wrote:
I'm trying out lemon's communication starvation tactic. Seems to not be terrible. At the end of the date she asked for another one and texted me right after.


Update: Getting put on the backburner now pretty sure. She said she'd "check" if she was available this weekend because she already had plans. Then I give an alternate date and she just repeats "I'll check".

Ain't nobody got time for that, who does she think she is.

Someone with other horses in play, if a girl's into you she will propose another time. I like to ask "when are you free" or give 2 spread out days "monday or thursday" when you can make it. Think asking specifically only for the weekend is something I never do even with my girlfriend (she works often, has plans with friends+family), so next time make sure one of the dates is not the weekend.

And when you ask correctly like that, make it real easy on her and she comes back with anything wishy washy - just don't care, tell her to give you a call once she figures it out because you'd love to take her out and go about your life. Especially when you left on vague terms/she didn't reply they come back to you often even weeks later and you'll date them as usual. Not really sure why this happens, but just does with shitloads of women, I guess they have other guys and it didn't work out or something?


She's dating hella guys and turning them all down lmao. Just saw she edited her tinder profile with "NO HOOKUPS, PLEASE READ FOR ONCE"

I'm gonna call this a loss, she just seems like one of those black holes for attention.



llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
jeeeeohn
Profile Blog Joined May 2011
United States1343 Posts
November 11 2015 06:47 GMT
#14867
I understand the sentiment of, "Don't be friends with girls just because they might be single later," but I don't care. I'm capable of simultaneously enjoying someone for the sake of their company *and* making a move later on. Some of my best female friends currently are people I thought I was interested in but realized I wasn't but enjoyed their friendship anyway. If I hadn't befriended them out of interest, I wouldn't have some of the close friends I have now.

So, yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it.
If you can't jam with the best, then you have to slam with the rest.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 11 2015 08:06 GMT
#14868
On November 11 2015 09:16 LemOn wrote:Female friends are awesome

This. They can/will definitely introduce you to nice girls.

On November 11 2015 15:47 jeeeeohn wrote:
So, yeah, I don't see anything wrong with it.

From my viewpoint you got a few options.

1. Just be her friend, this is probably your best way of meeting a girl. If you're a good friend you'll meet her female friends and you can ask them out.

2. Be her friend and ask her out when she is single. You'll most likely look like a massive douche who just was her friend because you wanted to get into her pants.

3. Just move on and potentially ask her out when she is single if you are still interested.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
LemOn
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United Kingdom8629 Posts
November 11 2015 09:41 GMT
#14869
On November 11 2015 12:54 WarSame wrote:
How is it not manly? Plenty of our ancestors successfully reproduced by sneaking in on the side mate of a dominant male. The side mates don't get enough attention and material support, and they crept in, had sex with the side mates, then provided support in return to support their children. It's such an effective strategy it's become part of our genetic makeup. However, it's socially disowned, which is why it's not talked about much. It's underhanded, but don't mistake that for unmanly.

Hahaha A+
Much is the father figure that I miss in my life. Go Daddy! DoC.LemOn, LemOn[5thF]
LemOn
Profile Blog Joined July 2005
United Kingdom8629 Posts
November 11 2015 09:55 GMT
#14870
On November 11 2015 14:35 Fyodor wrote:
Show nested quote +
On November 11 2015 07:59 arb wrote:
On November 11 2015 06:28 Fyodor wrote:
On November 07 2015 14:21 Fyodor wrote:
I'm trying out lemon's communication starvation tactic. Seems to not be terrible. At the end of the date she asked for another one and texted me right after.


Update: Getting put on the backburner now pretty sure. She said she'd "check" if she was available this weekend because she already had plans. Then I give an alternate date and she just repeats "I'll check".

Ain't nobody got time for that, who does she think she is.

move on to the next one dawg

already on it my man!

Show nested quote +
On November 11 2015 08:49 LemOn wrote:
On November 11 2015 06:28 Fyodor wrote:
On November 07 2015 14:21 Fyodor wrote:
I'm trying out lemon's communication starvation tactic. Seems to not be terrible. At the end of the date she asked for another one and texted me right after.


Update: Getting put on the backburner now pretty sure. She said she'd "check" if she was available this weekend because she already had plans. Then I give an alternate date and she just repeats "I'll check".

Ain't nobody got time for that, who does she think she is.

Someone with other horses in play, if a girl's into you she will propose another time. I like to ask "when are you free" or give 2 spread out days "monday or thursday" when you can make it. Think asking specifically only for the weekend is something I never do even with my girlfriend (she works often, has plans with friends+family), so next time make sure one of the dates is not the weekend.

And when you ask correctly like that, make it real easy on her and she comes back with anything wishy washy - just don't care, tell her to give you a call once she figures it out because you'd love to take her out and go about your life. Especially when you left on vague terms/she didn't reply they come back to you often even weeks later and you'll date them as usual. Not really sure why this happens, but just does with shitloads of women, I guess they have other guys and it didn't work out or something?


She's dating hella guys and turning them all down lmao. Just saw she edited her tinder profile with "NO HOOKUPS, PLEASE READ FOR ONCE"

I'm gonna call this a loss, she just seems like one of those black holes for attention.

One of my girl's best friends is like that - she'd chat to tons of guys simultaneously online, guys from all over europe, she's got every dating app in the world and loves the attention haha. Like she'd chat to a guy for a year in Denmark, pen pal soulmates for a whole year... and then she went to work there picking up strawberries to be able to meet him, only to hookup with a random Romanian guy that lived in her tent village before she even met the penpal guy - and now she went to Romania to meet him the Romanian tent guy, are Skyping a lto when she came back... While she keeps talking to loads of guys online.


Anyways, that's the beauty of the approach - when you make it super easy straightforward off-dates for the girls and they still are wishy washy, flaky you
A) don't waste your time, as you ask for what you want (date, in person, where sex is always on the line) and if you don't get it you don't spend any time on them. And if they want your attention, they have to give you what you want.

B) Know they are not into you/have more horses who are ahead in play (most top girls, even the really nice ones with integrity will have loads of interest in them though) Or some mad stuff like this is going on :D
Much is the father figure that I miss in my life. Go Daddy! DoC.LemOn, LemOn[5thF]
ticklishmusic
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States15977 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-11-12 20:57:51
November 12 2015 20:57 GMT
#14871
Alright guys, this is getting slightly ridiculous.

Same girl. Still chatting pretty regularly, convo seems perfectly fine, maybe even slightly flirty at times. I ask her on a date, she basically says yes. Finalizing the exact time and she goes radio silent. Literally all of my what? Like, did she fall asleep or something? I get last weekend she couldn't make it, but this is kinda confusing.

I've been told that it's an awful idea to try bumping or pressing her for an answer, but at this point I'm kind of whatever. Either I go with the slightly joking approach about "y u no respond" or with the "look, we met under certain presumptions. you know, i know. i think you're pretty cool and pretty, etc, etc. let's figure out if this is going somewhere and if so where (hookup, friends, dating), otherwise nice chatting bye have a good life".
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
November 12 2015 21:05 GMT
#14872
At this point, I'd lay my cards on the table and be like, "Yo, you know what I'm trying to do here, let's cut the bullshit and set something in stone or I'm outta here ." I think it's fair to say that you've removed any doubt as to your intentions, and by cutting to the chase here, I think you'll save yourself a lot of hassle.

She sounds like trouble regardless.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 12 2015 21:12 GMT
#14873
On November 13 2015 05:57 ticklishmusic wrote:
Alright guys, this is getting slightly ridiculous.

Same girl. Still chatting pretty regularly, convo seems perfectly fine, maybe even slightly flirty at times. I ask her on a date, she basically says yes. Finalizing the exact time and she goes radio silent. Literally all of my what? Like, did she fall asleep or something? I get last weekend she couldn't make it, but this is kinda confusing.

I've been told that it's an awful idea to try bumping or pressing her for an answer, but at this point I'm kind of whatever. Either I go with the slightly joking approach about "y u no respond" or with the "look, we met under certain presumptions. you know, i know. i think you're pretty cool and pretty, etc, etc. let's figure out if this is going somewhere and if so where (hookup, friends, dating), otherwise nice chatting bye have a good life".

Did you pick a place to meet as well?

If you have a time set already, just pick something to do and when you get a confirmation from her don't talk anymore and expect her to be there. (basically what Lem0n has been telling us to do all this time. Set a date and basically just go "See you there!".) Don't talk to her after your date is set up unless she initiates either. If she doesn't show up or if she cancels a few hours before just move on. Either way, start look for other girls.

I don't think you should go with either of those responses. First one is just cringy, the second one is really passive aggressive and will NOT under any circumstance help you.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 12 2015 21:14 GMT
#14874
On November 13 2015 06:05 farvacola wrote:
At this point, I'd lay my cards on the table and be like, "Yo, you know what I'm trying to do here, let's cut the bullshit and set something in stone or I'm outta here ." I think it's fair to say that you've removed any doubt as to your intentions, and by cutting to the chase here, I think you'll save yourself a lot of hassle.

She sounds like trouble regardless.

This will literally only work if she just wants to fuck. I'd say the chance of success with something like that is like 1%. You probably have a higher chance if you go "Netflix and chill TONIGHT! Come over.".
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-11-12 21:16:18
November 12 2015 21:14 GMT
#14875
Don't let the virgin fool you; there are plenty of women out there who are very much looking for a guy to see through their game and cut to the chase. You can't speak "literally" because you don't actually know you're talking about lol. Besides, though we like to pretend otherwise, the fact that this is an international board is nowhere more apparent than when Europeans with very different hookup cultures give Americans advice as to how to interact with women.

THERE ARE NO HARD AND FAST RULES IN DATING.
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 12 2015 21:15 GMT
#14876
On November 13 2015 06:14 farvacola wrote:
Don't let the virgin fool you; there are plenty of women out there who are very much looking for a guy to see through their game and cut to the chase.

If he is JUST looking to fuck sure. I got the impression he wanted to actually date her though.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 12 2015 21:20 GMT
#14877
On November 13 2015 06:14 farvacola wrote:You can't speak "literally" because you don't actually know you're talking about lol. Besides, though we like to pretend otherwise, the fact that this is an international board is nowhere more apparent than when Europeans with very different hookup cultures give Americans advice as to how to interact with women.

THERE ARE NO HARD AND FAST RULES IN DATING.


I almost never use the literal meaning of literally . Forgive me!

Yes I agree.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
farvacola
Profile Blog Joined January 2011
United States18866 Posts
November 12 2015 21:22 GMT
#14878
bloodwhore, I gotta say, though I disagree with much of what you say on here, you have one of if not the most amenable and friendly attitudes on this board, so kudos
"when the Dead Kennedys found out they had skinhead fans, they literally wrote a song titled 'Nazi Punks Fuck Off'"
ticklishmusic
Profile Blog Joined August 2011
United States15977 Posts
Last Edited: 2015-11-12 21:35:47
November 12 2015 21:34 GMT
#14879
I'll try and explain how the situation is:

I've been single basically since sophomore year of uni, so like 3 years, since my girlfriend at the time passed away. After that, there were a couple girls I was interested in that didn't work out, and a few that were interested in me but I wasn't interested in. I don't do hookups. On the other hand, I've helped a ton of friends (sometimes two that are dating) through a lot of shit, so I get how all that stuff goes pretty well. As a bit of a tangent, I pretty much planned my rather-clueless roommate's 6 month for him because he didn't know what the hell he was doing.

I think I've finally gotten my head and heart in a place where I'm looking for someone again. If it doesn't work out, fine. I'm completely prepared for that (okay, not completely but you know what I mean). I'd rather just cut it out than go on this half-assed chase for goodness knows how long. This girl seems really cool and I see a lot of potential potential, except for this weird reticence when it actually comes to meeting up. If this distinction makes sense at all, I'm not desperate for a relationship, but I'm kind of low-key desperate to try and figure out where this will/can go so I can make a decision to keep playing or cash out/cut my losses at the poker table.

There's a lot of different things to do and places to go, and I don't want to be throwing time and effort away. It's hard meeting good people after college, especially since most of my friends moved to other cities and I've never been that keen on going out. I don't like playing this game and having to fit in this profile about "how a guy should be", regardless of European, American, or whatever cultural differences.

I'll echo farva's point about agreeability though. (y)
(╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
bloodwhore~
Profile Joined September 2014
1010 Posts
November 12 2015 21:36 GMT
#14880
Hehe thanks! If you think I'm friendly now then you should have seen me pre-"getting ripped on runescape by someone who claimed to be able to trim my rune armor". Lost all faith in humanity that day.
"Allahu akbar" - Techies.
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