|
We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On November 10 2015 02:14 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2015 02:06 QuanticHawk wrote:while that obviously can work, throwing out a passive invitation like that gives a whole lot of wiggle room in when and how someone will respond.
this is another situation where the same would apply to non-dating scenarios. if one of your friends or a business client is a pain in the ass about making plans, do you give them the passive option with multiple easy outs, or do you give them a fixed date to eliminate most of those problems, in a way that gives you a very direct way to give a counter proposal if that date doesn't work?
generally speaking here, but going with the direct approach will be better in most instances since it requires a response in a timely fashion, and most importantly demonstrates you take initiative for shit you want. i can't fathom how someone would take that as being too forward. being confident, taking initiative, etc and all the things going on in the direct response are definitely not bad things. Well I'm guessing he has proposed a time and date already. Problem with saying "Lets do blabla the 8th at 18:00" for me is that she might just say "I can't then  " and then you're back to square one. If she is the type that won't take initative unless you force her you will get nowhere, which she seems unable to do. I think it's better just to put the ball in her hand and wait for her to take initiative. "Let me know when you can" might be a bit to passive I agree, however "When are you available for a date?" is not and might be the better option of the three in my opinion.
you arent back at square one at all. it gives you an easy opportunity to propose a back up date, or if that fails, then you say well since you are busy what works for you. then that is no longer passive since you put in the effort and now you're throwing it on her. doing something along those lines is a dead easy way to demonstrate that you're interested, you take initiative, you're confident, etc., all without being needy, pushy, or cocky.
going with a passive when are you free to do something doesn't convey the same interest, initiative, or confidence. again, i struggle to see how what I am suggesting can be taken as a negative. going at it passively when you just met and it's important to build on interest and momentum can easily be misconstrued as a lack of interest, confidence, or desire to take initiative, or needing validation that she likes or something.
again, any time you want to set up anything in life, presenting a firm plan generally will get you further than going all wishy washy. i dont care getting too deep into gender norms, but again, taking initiative and being confident as a guy are almost universally good across all cultures.
think of the first 5 or so dates as an extended audition. in a situation like this, why pick the option that is at best neutral and at worst harmful over the one that is most likely good or at worst neutral.
|
On November 10 2015 03:41 QuanticHawk wrote:you arent back at square one at all. it gives you an easy opportunity to propose a back up date, or if that fails, then you say well since you are busy what works for you. then that is no longer passive since you put in the effort and now you're throwing it on her. doing something along those lines is a dead easy way to demonstrate that you're interested, you take initiative, you're confident, etc., all without being needy, pushy, or cocky.
going with a passive when are you free to do something doesn't convey the same interest, initiative, or confidence. again, i struggle to see how what I am suggesting can be taken as a negative. going at it passively when you just met and it's important to build on interest and momentum can easily be misconstrued as a lack of interest, confidence, or desire to take initiative, or needing validation that she likes or something.
again, any time you want to set up anything in life, presenting a firm plan generally will get you further than going all wishy washy. i dont care getting too deep into gender norms, but again, taking initiative and being confident as a guy are almost universally good across all cultures.
think of the first 5 or so dates as an extended audition. in a situation like this, why pick the option that is at best neutral and at worst harmful over the one that is most likely good or at worst neutral.
Well from what I have read she seems to be really wishy washy. Sure it is better if she is available at the date you suggest, however if she isn't available at those dates you suggest and she is not suggesting another date you really need to change tactic.
|
If she isn't available at the suggested date and doesn't offer room to reschedule/isn't suggesting other dates then she more than likely isn't interested and no amount of changed tactics will make a difference.
|
lol ya'll are overanalyzing based on a pretty small batch of info 
as i mentioned i had a date set, but her car actually broke down so we had to cancel. i was a tad skeptical, but spent the entire saturday texting with her at the dealership, tried to make it work still but didn't happen and ended up with a raincheck. that's fine. just trying to figure out if trying to meet up this week or waiting till the weekend is best at this point. it's a busy week, i want to be close to 100% when we hang out, but don't want to wait too long, etc.
i'm super old fashioned (you guys probably would say i'm bad at this and you probably wouldn't be wrong) when it comes to relationships and things lol.
|
On November 10 2015 05:08 ticklishmusic wrote:lol ya'll are overanalyzing based on a pretty small batch of info
Well I have just probably confused you with someone else. What you said there didn't sound so bad. Good luck!
|
Dating?
Nah, never heard of it.
Edit: I really wish people could just be honest about what they need and want. It would be way, way simpler.
|
On November 10 2015 07:02 jeeeeohn wrote:
Dating?
Nah, never heard of it.
Edit: I really wish people could just be honest about what they need and want. It would be way, way simpler.
Hah, leave 10 people in a room for 6 hours all dead set on what they need and want, come back and find out at least half of them have changed their minds to one degree or another.
Knowing what we want/need ourselves is probably just as much a part of the problem as communicating what we currently think those wants/needs are.
|
Me being old-fashioned, my ideal scenario would be to meet up and say, "look we both know why we're here. i think you're cool, you think i'm cool. let's hang out a few times and see if we click the way we think we might, then get more serious if things go well."
i hate all this shit about giving someone the silent treatment, etc.
|
On November 10 2015 04:19 bloodwhore~ wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2015 03:41 QuanticHawk wrote:you arent back at square one at all. it gives you an easy opportunity to propose a back up date, or if that fails, then you say well since you are busy what works for you. then that is no longer passive since you put in the effort and now you're throwing it on her. doing something along those lines is a dead easy way to demonstrate that you're interested, you take initiative, you're confident, etc., all without being needy, pushy, or cocky.
going with a passive when are you free to do something doesn't convey the same interest, initiative, or confidence. again, i struggle to see how what I am suggesting can be taken as a negative. going at it passively when you just met and it's important to build on interest and momentum can easily be misconstrued as a lack of interest, confidence, or desire to take initiative, or needing validation that she likes or something.
again, any time you want to set up anything in life, presenting a firm plan generally will get you further than going all wishy washy. i dont care getting too deep into gender norms, but again, taking initiative and being confident as a guy are almost universally good across all cultures.
think of the first 5 or so dates as an extended audition. in a situation like this, why pick the option that is at best neutral and at worst harmful over the one that is most likely good or at worst neutral. Well from what I have read she seems to be really wishy washy. Sure it is better if she is available at the date you suggest, however if she isn't available at those dates you suggest and she is not suggesting another date you really need to change tactic.
that's the point of being direct to a wishy washy person: you know what you will get if you leave it up to them
as far as changing tactics, I am not trying to be a dick here in my posts so I hope you get that, but respectfully, your passiveness has gotten you mixed results by your own admission. try being direct a few times like I am saying and see if it changes anything!
On November 10 2015 04:57 Mikau wrote:
If she isn't available at the suggested date and doesn't offer room to reschedule/isn't suggesting other dates then she more than likely isn't interested and no amount of changed tactics will make a difference.
correct
|
On November 10 2015 07:02 jeeeeohn wrote:
Dating?
Nah, never heard of it.
Edit: I really wish people could just be honest about what they need and want. It would be way, way simpler.
go gay then
my gay friend has told me how it works on grinder, things are just so much more easy when both are men 
|
On November 10 2015 07:11 ticklishmusic wrote:
Me being old-fashioned, my ideal scenario would be to meet up and say, "look we both know why we're here. i think you're cool, you think i'm cool. let's hang out a few times and see if we click the way we think we might, then get more serious if things go well."
i hate all this shit about giving someone the silent treatment, etc.
And who said saying this is wrong?
All we're saying is to be direct and cut out worthless contact when you're off dates.
|
Btw haven't seen the girl I'm dating in 10 days now, sent like 3 texts inbetween. Tomorrow is the best date ever (well, for me not sure about the girl  )
1) Flying a steerable Kite
2) 2KG Chicken Wings with 3 sauces
3) Video Game Arcade Bar, all games freeplay unlimited time with a free cocktail
4) Sexy time (I hope!)
|
On November 10 2015 07:11 ticklishmusic wrote:
Me being old-fashioned, my ideal scenario would be to meet up and say, "look we both know why we're here. i think you're cool, you think i'm cool. let's hang out a few times and see if we click the way we think we might, then get more serious if things go well."
i hate all this shit about giving someone the silent treatment, etc.
That's basically the mentality behind Tinder. Obviously you swiped right on me so you found some sort of redeeming quality. Looking to date/fuck/be friends? Aha. Me too! Great, we've saved ourselves a good hour of awkward small talk.
|
All of you have brought up excellent points. I made that post partly out of recent frustrations.
|
On November 10 2015 07:40 LemOn wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2015 07:11 ticklishmusic wrote:
Me being old-fashioned, my ideal scenario would be to meet up and say, "look we both know why we're here. i think you're cool, you think i'm cool. let's hang out a few times and see if we click the way we think we might, then get more serious if things go well."
i hate all this shit about giving someone the silent treatment, etc. And who said saying this is wrong? All we're saying is to be direct and cut out worthless contact when you're off dates.
Really? I always thought you were supposed to chat it up a bit between. Consider the lesson learned.
|
On November 10 2015 11:55 ticklishmusic wrote:Show nested quote +On November 10 2015 07:40 LemOn wrote:On November 10 2015 07:11 ticklishmusic wrote:
Me being old-fashioned, my ideal scenario would be to meet up and say, "look we both know why we're here. i think you're cool, you think i'm cool. let's hang out a few times and see if we click the way we think we might, then get more serious if things go well."
i hate all this shit about giving someone the silent treatment, etc. And who said saying this is wrong? All we're saying is to be direct and cut out worthless contact when you're off dates. Really? I always thought you were supposed to chat it up a bit between. Consider the lesson learned.
Depends on the girl. My friends have had a lot of success talking to the girl constantly, but it's also because the two respective girls they're talking to are both into those conversations and the person they're having them with. Depends on what you talk about as well.
|
Okay, so, if I may poll the TeamLiquid Hivemind about a strange situation that has come up in the past hour:
Last thursday I ask out a girl who shares one of my classes. Her response is "Maybe, ask me next time."
Tomorrow is next time.
Now, tonight she randomly added me on facebook, which required some digging since we don't know each other's last names. Normally I'd be like, "Oh, great." Except, she pretty clearly has a boyfriend. We then preceded to chit chat until I said I needed to get off FB and do homework.
So, questions:
A) If she has a boyfriend, why lead me on by saying "Maybe next time."
B) If she has a boyfriend, why take the time to sleuth for my last name and add me on Facebook?
I was pretty clear that I wanted to take her out on a date, not like a buddy-buddy bullshit thing.
Shit doesn't make sense to me. I'm just going to ask her out tomorrow anyway, but would like to hear thoughts.
|
On November 10 2015 12:48 jeeeeohn wrote:
Okay, so, if I may poll the TeamLiquid Hivemind about a strange situation that has come up in the past hour:
Last thursday I ask out a girl who shares one of my classes. Her response is "Maybe, ask me next time."
Tomorrow is next time.
Now, tonight she randomly added me on facebook, which required some digging since we don't know each other's last names. Normally I'd be like, "Oh, great." Except, she pretty clearly has a boyfriend. We then preceded to chit chat until I said I needed to get off FB and do homework.
So, questions:
A) If she has a boyfriend, why lead me on by saying "Maybe next time."
B) If she has a boyfriend, why take the time to sleuth for my last name and add me on Facebook?
I was pretty clear that I wanted to take her out on a date, not like a buddy-buddy bullshit thing.
Shit doesn't make sense to me. I'm just going to ask her out tomorrow anyway, but would like to hear thoughts.
Easy mode: She doesn't want to. It's the nice way of saying "not really, get the hint pls". But she does want to be friends with you. Whether or not you do that is up to you.
Hard mode: Take her out if she says yes tomorrow. Get really intimate with her. If, and only if, she's showing interest with you, maybe things aren't working out with her boyfriend? Maybe she needs a new one? This will take time. This will take energy. This will take saying the exact right thing at the exact right time. And it all goes to shit if she's actually in a happy relationship and realizes that. But if you do it right, you've got yourself a new girlfriend.
|
I don't think you should touch girls with boyfriends.
|
On November 10 2015 13:20 obesechicken13 wrote:
I don't think you should touch girls with boyfriends.
I'd second that, wait til shes single dude.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
