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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
On December 28 2013 09:33 Mikau wrote:Hold on, I never said I wasn't interested in sex. I just said that it wasn't my primary motivator for wanting to meet a girl, or being with a girl. And I guess people here are probably right in saying "keep improving yourself, make more of an effort to meet people and it'll come naturally" (did I summarize that right Hawk, Evo and others?  ). The problem is I've been told that an awful lot over the years and I'm getting tired of hearing it. It's a slow process (at least for me, at the moment) and I'm tired of it personally. I realise sleeping with a prostitute is likely to not solve my underlying problems and it's also something I can't take back and will carry with me forever (though saying it like that makes it sound a tad melodramatic). This is turning into an interesting discussion btw.
This is just how I read your first posts sorry. The problem is that having a strong sexual drive is in my opinion key for someone wanting to have a romantic relationship. And from your posts I had a feel you were suppressing it.
You seem to think self improvement is a slow process and you're tired of it but I'd be really interested to hear what you think is so tiring or slow. To be the guy everyone dies to meet is certainly almost impossible but you have to stop thinking it's required to meet someone. If having 50friends, organizing the best party, own a company and be romantic were 4 necessary traits to meet someone humanity would face extinction in the next 50years. So get out of your mind a mentality of "I need to be this, this and that" to meet someone. You should obviously still aim for ever bigger goals and improving your life but you shouldn't wait for it before trying to meet someone (to a bare minimum, if you smell and look like a hobo it's not a good idea obviously).
To make a comparison, it's like guys wanting to know every word they should say and believing you have to be the smoothest talker on the block in order to have a girlfriend. That just ain't true for 90% of couples apart from movies. Most people meet with a shit load of awkward "Hi" and nervous deliveries of sentences trying to have a date. And it doesn't matter. What matters is that they are able to actually give it a try, accept failures and sometimes they hit a couple buttons right along the way and here it is "boom": couple.
About being a virgin, your first step has to be to accept it as your current state. Easier said than done but you have to wipe clean your slate here and ignore your age.
Again, your age is irrelevant. First, 25 isn't that old, second, as long as your body still works for sex there is no reason to think it's too late or something.
Eitherway it's hard to be more specific here and it's not really gonna help you a lot apart from having very generic advises. But if you describe a little bit more about what you do or don't do, me and other people will probably give some sound advises from which you'll have the liberty to chose from.
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If you've never experienced sex then what can it possibly mean to be "interested" in it? Your mind is playing tricks on you my friend. Being "interested in sex" is an act of the intellectual mind: a mental fabrication, a fantastical truncation of reality. The alternative is a lack of mind's corrupting imaginings, developing the courage to allow yourself to be completely present in succumbing to the natural bodily effects of attraction. We're conditioned (and it's reinforced through the structures of culture) to use our mind to deny and fear this response, to feel ashamed of and to hide and repress (as opposed to express) our attraction. We use the mind to deny our true selves, end up alone or in the 'friendzone', then we recruit the mind again to get out of it? Madness! Using the mind to chase sex might very well lead to sex (prostitute is the quintessential example) but it will be a hollow victory like all ends the mind creates. The mind, like a drug, promises the world but never delivers. You have to let go of the idea that the mind knows what you want and the path to get it. Truly, it doesn't know jack shit, but it sure thinks it does (an ego is born).
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On December 28 2013 10:17 Mstring wrote:
If you've never experienced sex then what can it possibly mean to be "interested" in it? Your mind is playing tricks on you my friend. Being "interested in sex" is an act of the intellectual mind: a mental fabrication, a fantastical truncation of reality. The alternative is a lack of mind's corrupting imaginings, developing the courage to allow yourself to be completely present in succumbing to the natural bodily effects of attraction. We're conditioned (and it's reinforced through the structures of culture) to use our mind to deny and fear this response, to feel ashamed of and to hide and repress (as opposed to express) our attraction. We use the mind to deny our true selves, end up alone or in the 'friendzone', then we recruit the mind again to get out of it? Madness! Using the mind to chase sex might very well lead to sex (prostitute is the quintessential example) but it will be a hollow victory like all ends the mind creates. The mind, like a drug, promises the world but never delivers. You have to let go of the idea that the mind knows what you want and the path to get it. Truly, it doesn't know jack shit, but it sure thinks it does (an ego is born).
Or, you know, interest in sex is a primordial drive built into us from the moment we're born, second only to our survival instincts.
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then why do people do dangerously stupid things trying to get laid?
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On December 28 2013 11:19 sam!zdat wrote:
then why do people do dangerously stupid things trying to get laid?
Survival is imperative to being able to reproduce, can't reproduce if you're dead.
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On December 28 2013 09:33 Mikau wrote:Hold on, I never said I wasn't interested in sex. I just said that it wasn't my primary motivator for wanting to meet a girl, or being with a girl. And I guess people here are probably right in saying "keep improving yourself, make more of an effort to meet people and it'll come naturally" (did I summarize that right Hawk, Evo and others? ). The problem is I've been told that an awful lot over the years and I'm getting tired of hearing it. It's a slow process (at least for me, at the moment) and I'm tired of it personally. I realise sleeping with a prostitute is likely to not solve my underlying problems and it's also something I can't take back and will carry with me forever (though saying it like that makes it sound a tad melodramatic). This is turning into an interesting discussion btw.
Kind of.
If it goes too slow you're either not investing enough time or not trying hard enough / doing the right stuff.
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On December 28 2013 11:21 Zambrah wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 11:19 sam!zdat wrote:
then why do people do dangerously stupid things trying to get laid? Survival is imperative to being able to reproduce, can't reproduce if you're dead.
no point in surviving if you don't reproduce
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What was first, the sex or the survival?
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On December 28 2013 11:56 sam!zdat wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 11:21 Zambrah wrote:On December 28 2013 11:19 sam!zdat wrote:
then why do people do dangerously stupid things trying to get laid? Survival is imperative to being able to reproduce, can't reproduce if you're dead. no point in surviving if you don't reproduce
Ok, let me put it this way. If a woman was inviting you to go fuck her, but at that exact moment a lion starts chasing you down. What's your next move? I'd be running away from the fucking lion.
Our ultimate goal as an animal is the prolonging of our species. Survival of those already alive comes first. Then comes procreation. As George Carlin put it, survival is more important than fucking.
Of course, this is a thread about dating, I just had to dispel that weird passage that was full of shit and powered mainly by a thesaurus.
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Hahaha oops. I just asked a girl out for New Years Eve fireworks show(cheesy and lame I know but its an easy date that everyone likes) who has a BF. And said BF heard me ask. Obviously she said no and he told me to "Fuck off or die". Was positive this woman was single. too...
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On December 28 2013 12:05 Orcasgt24 wrote:
Hahaha oops. I just asked a girl out for New Years Eve fireworks show(cheesy and lame I know but its an easy date that everyone likes) who has a BF. And said BF heard me ask. Obviously she said no and he told me to "Fuck off or die". Was positive this woman was single. too...
Don't take it badly. You tried, which is more than most people would have!
One time I was at the dining commons on my campus and told the large group (10+) people I was with that asking a girl out is really easy, it's all about approaching them without being anxious. They all doubted that I could ask any girl out, so they picked out a girl for me, who clearly had a boyfriend.
I went up and asked her out anyways. The boyfriend told me that he'd kick my ass if I tried that again, but I made my point. Asking is the number one step, and it's always much easier than people made it out to be.
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Russian Federation216 Posts
who needs girls when u can play as a protoss or riki, lol
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On December 28 2013 12:27 sam!zdat wrote:
^a sophistic example
I don't see what's flawed about my example? Asking is easy, getting a positive response depends on the woman, not you.
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On December 28 2013 12:05 Orcasgt24 wrote:
Hahaha oops. I just asked a girl out for New Years Eve fireworks show(cheesy and lame I know but its an easy date that everyone likes) who has a BF. And said BF heard me ask. Obviously she said no and he told me to "Fuck off or die". Was positive this woman was single. too...
It amazes me how often some girls conveniently leave the "I have a BF" part out of the conversation even when it is fairly obvious that they are being hit on. Then when the BF comes over he skips the asking nicely to stop part and just immediately escalates it to threats of violence lol. I've seen it from both sides of the equation and sometimes get the feeling the girls just want to have their man 'come to the rescue' like they're on some primal shit. Although most of the girls (3) I've dated have been strong willed enough to tell a guy off without needing (or wanting) my help.
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Went to work party. Cute girl I liked actually showed up for once. We get food after bar close and she accepts invitation back to my place while we eat some fast food at 3am, my place was close by and she lives at least 20min away.
We eat and talk for little over an hour. We talk about sex, ex'es, co-workers, and our mutual favorite shows pretty much the whole time. Too pussy to make a move and she finally heads home. Regret it all night and can't sleep.
She's turned me down before a couple times and she denied me a date with me before, only reason I didn't make a move tbh. She's a super friendly and spontaneous type of girl, someone who is hard to tell if they are interested in you or just being themselves. I didn't want to make a move that wasn't going to be reciprocated and then have that awkwardness be at work or ruin the environment. We get along awesome at work and have hung out before outside of a few times and it's always fun imo.
I tell her when she leaves that I'm not giving up on her just yet and that she should just accept my advances and let me take her out. She gives me a maybe and smiles real big. We text each other once or twice before sleep that night and she asks that all the grimy details we talked about don't leave our circle of trust we formed, I say of course, over my dead body lol. She says she doesn't know how she feels right now about me taking her out but my reply makes her laugh and confirms that the feeling she has towards me are at least good and that jokingly I'm the best looking co-worker in our area so theres that too :p. She agrees and says ok to a date.
Why the fuck didn't I just go for it while I had the chance. Had this problem before but then my last fling I went for it and it worked out awesome. Why couldn't I do it this time 
Pretty much just a rant post and trying to vent.
Have friend visiting me for a week for new years so I can't really schedule anything with her till after the holidays which sucks now. This bro comes before hoes, lives across the country from me and haven't seen him in over a year.
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So, online dating is a little weird. On the one hand, you have to be yourself, which is super easy. I don't pretend to be a lion tamer or some guy that really enjoys sports. On the other hand, I feel like I'm only presenting a specific version at a time. There's the super smart, bookish aksfjh that loves science, economics, and politics. There's also the gamer aksfjh, that will blow an entire week on Skyrim, SC2, and various indie games sitting in the backlog. Then there's the athletic aksfjh that cycles 150-200 miles a week. And the super hardworking aksfjh that will gladly work 12 hour days without a hesitation. Mixed in there are obviously conflicting aksfjhs, like the one that needs a lot affirmation and attention, and the one that is totally cool only talking 2-3 times in a single week.
Maybe it just feels weird because I'm trying to talk to so many women at once, and see these different versions in such rapid succession and have to present each one as me on a whole, not simply as a part.
On December 28 2013 13:21 TheFish7 wrote:Show nested quote +On December 28 2013 12:05 Orcasgt24 wrote:
Hahaha oops. I just asked a girl out for New Years Eve fireworks show(cheesy and lame I know but its an easy date that everyone likes) who has a BF. And said BF heard me ask. Obviously she said no and he told me to "Fuck off or die". Was positive this woman was single. too... It amazes me how often some girls conveniently leave the "I have a BF" part out of the conversation even when it is fairly obvious that they are being hit on. Then when the BF comes over he skips the asking nicely to stop part and just immediately escalates it to threats of violence lol. I've seen it from both sides of the equation and sometimes get the feeling the girls just want to have their man 'come to the rescue' like they're on some primal shit. Although most of the girls (3) I've dated have been strong willed enough to tell a guy off without needing (or wanting) my help.
I've dated a few women who get a kick out of making their BF (slightly) jealous. Obviously not a crazy kind of jealous, but enough to know that she is "worth fighting for."
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EPT
