We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned: 1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post. 2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no. 3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture. 4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
On July 29 2013 16:39 sob3k wrote: I went on an 18 hour yacht cruise to the Bahamas with 25 chicks and had sex over 100 times, also all the chicks were famous actresses. Really tired me out. I'm staying at home from now on.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
dude never ever talk to a girl you are interested in online/text more than real life. You need to play it really slow until you meet and get to know her, then you can interact with her online/phone/skype whatever.
I know, that's why i am really worried about this. There is no reason to think we would not be compatible, but all that chat is completely unimportant if the first impression is "not!". We are setting extremely high expectations through this, this can only backfire. I just don't see a way to change it. "Hey, i don't think we should talk until we meet." won't work. And faking severe injury or sabotaging the internet of the region for 3 weeks is no option either.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
dude never ever talk to a girl you are interested in online/text more than real life. You need to play it really slow until you meet and get to know her, then you can interact with her online/phone/skype whatever.
I know, that's why i am really worried about this. There is no reason to think we would not be compatible, but all that chat is completely unimportant if the first impression is "not!". We are setting extremely high expectations through this, this can only backfire. I just don't see a way to change it. "Hey, i don't think we should talk until we meet." won't work. And faking severe injury or sabotaging the internet of the region for 3 weeks is no option either.
Be less responsive online/email saying you're busy or just tell her you think it would be better for both of you if you were in less contact before you meet. She'll understand.
The thing about online chatting with girls is that you set a bad precedent. If you start off the relationship by chatting with her on IM 3 days a row after changing contact info, she'll come to expect that in the future. I never do IM with girls because I don't want to be too available.
On July 30 2013 14:36 IgnE wrote: Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
Agreed, that wasn't good advice. Sex is probably the best way to connect emotionally.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
How many other people have they fucked on the first date? All of them? Come on Dignan, you know better than this.
Wellp, my luck isnt so hot. Me and a friend admitted to each other we had mad feelings for each other, that are more than just physical, after months of getting close. this whole week shes been wanting me to come up and see her and teasing me with shit like "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with". Anyways, i go up and two other friends are there so im like whatever. towards end of the night we are alone and i go in for a kiss and BAM! rejection x.x #friendzoned? was surprised because she tells me she likes me a lot and is all flirty quite often... i really like her but i guess its best if i just said fuck it unless someone wanna throw a brotha some advice on where to go from here
On July 30 2013 22:29 TFNxOmega wrote: Wellp, my luck isnt so hot. Me and a friend admitted to each other we had mad feelings for each other, that are more than just physical, after months of getting close. this whole week shes been wanting me to come up and see her and teasing me with shit like "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with". Anyways, i go up and two other friends are there so im like whatever. towards end of the night we are alone and i go in for a kiss and BAM! rejection x.x #friendzoned? was surprised because she tells me she likes me a lot and is all flirty quite often... i really like her but i guess its best if i just said fuck it unless someone wanna throw a brotha some advice on where to go from here
Yeah, here's my advice: ask her what the hell happened.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
How many other people have they fucked on the first date? All of them? Come on Dignan, you know better than this.
Who cares how many other people they have fucked on the first date? And even if you do care about that crap, the number is not going to decrease just because you abstain from fucking on the first date.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
How many other people have they fucked on the first date? All of them? Come on Dignan, you know better than this.
if you both want to but hold out for this arbitrary standard, does it make all of the times that you've each banged on the first date go away???
On July 30 2013 07:41 VayneAuthority wrote: Talking to her might feel good at the time but for your long term health its best to cutoff from toxic people/people hindering you furthering yourself as a person.
Its short term pleasure vs long term pleasure.
Well she's not toxic. She's a pretty good shoulder to lean on tbh.
Of course she is now, right now she feels like the best shoulder to lean on because she was yours to lean on before. I'm not gonna say she is some crazy hoe-bag dipshit aweful person who you need to excommunicate from your life, because she obviously isn't a bad person; you spent a good bit of time with this girl because she was kind to you and compatible with you. The reason people are telling you to cut it is because if you continue to remain dependent on that shoulder you may never get over her, and that will continue to make you depressed longer than this shoulder to lean on will make you happy right now. Especially if you meet someone you think is attractive and you both are mutually attracted, having them find out you talk to your ex is a big nono, even mentioning your ex is a big nono for at least a solid couple months of dating exclusively. You need to regain independence even though it is painful Shiori.
Well it's not really like we're chatting very much. I just like to have multiple shoulders to lean on when I have a depressive episode (like a couple of days ago). I have other, better shoulders, like my mom (love you mom <33333) but sometimes I just need someone, anyone, to talk to, and even though it'd be best if it wasn't my ex, when the alternative is me taking a bunch of sleeping pills or making really harmful decisions, I think I can handle a bit of nostalgic pain.
I actually find that the more I talk to her, the more I realize that our break up was for the best. I don't want to jinx it, but I've been seeing things which make me think that we just weren't all that compatible, and that while she's a wonderful woman, she's not someone I could imagine myself marrying. Shrug. That could change tomorrow depending on my mood, but it's one day at a time with depression. Psych appointment today. Wish me luck~
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
How many other people have they fucked on the first date? All of them? Come on Dignan, you know better than this.
if you both want to but hold out for this arbitrary standard, does it make all of the times that you've each banged on the first date go away???
If I'm banging a girl on the first date, she's staying as a booty call.
Honestly, even though it might be painful/prolong my suffering (impossible to judge with depression, tbh; cutting off contact might make things even worse for my depression) I always get stronger when I endure the pain. I come out of these things a lot better of a person, which is why I love my depression, in a way. I just hope I make it out this time, too.
Agreed, that wasn't good advice. Sex is probably the best way to connect emotionally.
Disagreed. Sex is the best way to create an emotional shatterpoint between you and another person regardless of how well you know them. That's why you shouldn't fuck on the first date, IMO, as it can blind you to glaring flaws in the other person and end up hurting you later on. I've seen it happen all too often.
On July 30 2013 07:44 Broetchenholer wrote: I am so torn right now. I met a very interesting gurl on the internet-dating farce. We have sent emails for some weeks and then continued by instant messaging. Last weak i asked her out and she said yes please, but first possible date is around mid august. Which is better then a no, right? Now, however, the worst case scenario has started. Three weeks are a long time, there is no reason to believe we will chat less suddenly. And the topics have already started to spiral into flirting and teasing. By the time we actually meet, pretty much all interesting topics will have been talked. And if we just don't click face to face, this will be the biggest let down possible.
Bro, you will think of things to talk about when the moment presents itself. Don't go overboard in the beginning though, be cutesy, but don't spill all your secrets just yet. You want to have some small, medium, and big ones in the bag for when you meet face to face. Also, remember, if the date goes well, wait a week and do it again, and don't fuck on the first date. 3 weeks isn't that long so long as you make sure that you talk like you were, but don't give away everything about you immidiately.
EDIT: Also, I feel like I took the Chadissilent comment way to seriously given how lolz everyone else is taking it. I need to stop thinking everything on the internetz is true .
Why not fuck on the first date? That's dumb advice.
How many other people have they fucked on the first date? All of them? Come on Dignan, you know better than this.
if you both want to but hold out for this arbitrary standard, does it make all of the times that you've each banged on the first date go away???
If I'm banging a girl on the first date, she's staying as a booty call.
my point is why can you bang away on a first date guilt free, but if a girl admits to having done it before, it is a strike against her
On July 30 2013 22:29 TFNxOmega wrote: Wellp, my luck isnt so hot. Me and a friend admitted to each other we had mad feelings for each other, that are more than just physical, after months of getting close. this whole week shes been wanting me to come up and see her and teasing me with shit like "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with". Anyways, i go up and two other friends are there so im like whatever. towards end of the night we are alone and i go in for a kiss and BAM! rejection x.x #friendzoned? was surprised because she tells me she likes me a lot and is all flirty quite often... i really like her but i guess its best if i just said fuck it unless someone wanna throw a brotha some advice on where to go from here
uh that's one of the most strangest things I've ever heard. Tell her to see a psychologist.
On July 30 2013 22:29 TFNxOmega wrote: Wellp, my luck isnt so hot. Me and a friend admitted to each other we had mad feelings for each other, that are more than just physical, after months of getting close. this whole week shes been wanting me to come up and see her and teasing me with shit like "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with". Anyways, i go up and two other friends are there so im like whatever. towards end of the night we are alone and i go in for a kiss and BAM! rejection x.x #friendzoned? was surprised because she tells me she likes me a lot and is all flirty quite often... i really like her but i guess its best if i just said fuck it unless someone wanna throw a brotha some advice on where to go from here
uh that's one of the most strangest things I've ever heard. Tell her to see a psychologist.
"Uh, i wanted to write the sentence "oh, and i really wish you were here to share my bed with" to john, sry brian". I can't really come up with an explanation what happened there. Was she angry at you, or surprised?
EPT
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