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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.
Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.
Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating. |
Yea I have a very strange dating life. I usually don't go out seeking women i stopped clubbing / bar hopping a few years back (i just turned 25) but every so often i will get approached or picked up on by a very attractive women. The only problem is these women all have one thing in common. They are crazy. My friends make fun of me because of the phenomenon and say that i should use it to my advantage more often.
The best example would be from only a few nights ago on my birthday, I go with my family to this nice italian restaurant , its completely packed but at one point my mom says to me "oh wow look at how pretty that girl is over there, she is stunning" my mom doesn't say this very often and its usually only about very classically beautiful women with very little makeup etc. i look over and nod in agreement.
Eventually i decide to go out for a smoke, and after a few moments pass i notice this girl comes out with her friend she immediately looks me right in the eye and walks right over to me bumps into me with her chest and asks for a light while her face is about 3 inches away from mine. Now stuff like this has happened to me before but never quite this direct . I comment on her thin cig and go to sit down on the ledge nearby she follows me sitting very close and starts talking she says her name is grace and goes off into a bunch of metaphors about the wind. Her friend who doesn't smoke decides to go back inside and grace comments that her friend must be scared of me. We talk for a while and i start to realize this girl is on another plane of existence. Like way out there, i don't think she had drank that much at this point either so i kept saying that she was high, which she would neither accept or deny.
Eventually she asked what i was doing here, and i said it was my birthday, and she talked about a family tradition than put her arm around me and started swaying singing some pirate song. I was being very nonchalant about the whole thing just accepting this conversation for what it was, and making fun of what she said mainly because it didnt make any sense. Eventually id had enough and i excused myself saying that my food was probably ready and we both went back inside.
I go out for another smoke later on and i notice that she has seen me and follows me outside. We talk for another ten minutes with the only real reason i am putting any effort into the conversation is because of how stunning this girl is, aside from that she is very very odd. Think like zoey deschanel on new girl x 10 would be the best way to describe how she was acting. After going back in again after having a couple more smokes outside with her , my family realizes that my long absences where because i was outside hanging out with this girl and make a few oooh ahh statements. My sister and my brothers girlfriend who are facing towards where she is sitting with her friend at the bar say that she keeps looking over in my direction every few minutes. I pay no mind but i do notice her giving me a hard glance as she goes to the washroom, my sister goes to the washroom about the same time and says this girl was in there seemingly waiting in the out of order stall, my guess was maybe she was doing drugs but who knows.
I go out for another smoke before we leave and she comes out and gives me her number before hailing down a cab with her friend.
Not that this type of thing happens to me everyday but it does happen, i just wish one day a good looking normal girl would show a similar interest, but i guess that's what separates them from the crazy ones , the fact that they wouldn't do something like that. In the past I've tried to look beyond the craziness and have taken some of these girls up on their interests but its always ended badly , i can handle a little bit of crazy but not to the extent that most of these girls are. Its rather frustrating, maybe i will call this girl but i doubt it, even if i just wanted something casual its never a good idea to lead a crazy girl on, that can only end badly. It always reminds me a little bit of that episode of how i met your mother with barny's crazy to hot scale. lol sigh.
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so theres this girl ive been crushing on for about a while now, an old friend from school. Eventually, I worked up the confidence to just send her a message, so we have a nice long conversation. We decide that we would most certainly catch up one of these days, though we don't really specify anything else. So a couple days later I throw her a message that I would take her out sometime after I get paid if she'd like of course. To that, I meet total silence, as if my existence just fades away.
She doesn't end up responding until a couple days later, which of course has me wondering, "How badly did I mess up?" and if so, "What the fuck?" All she says in her response is "LOL no its fine i have my own money." So I really want to meet her at some point but her sudden lack of interest disturbs me. It doesn't even need to be a "date" or anything like that, I just don't understand what's going through this girl's head.
Any advice TL? :D
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On May 12 2013 11:38 13JackaL wrote:
so theres this girl ive been crushing on for about a while now, an old friend from school. Eventually, I worked up the confidence to just send her a message, so we have a nice long conversation. We decide that we would most certainly catch up one of these days, though we don't really specify anything else. So a couple days later I throw her a message that I would take her out sometime after I get paid if she'd like of course. To that, I meet total silence, as if my existence just fades away.
She doesn't end up responding until a couple days later, which of course has me wondering, "How badly did I mess up?" and if so, "What the fuck?" All she says in her response is "LOL no its fine i have my own money." So I really want to meet her at some point but her sudden lack of interest disturbs me. It doesn't even need to be a "date" or anything like that, I just don't understand what's going through this girl's head.
Any advice TL? :D
First of all, don't lie to yourself like that (bolded parts). You owe yourself better.
Second, do not to leave open ended date proposals. Unless the girl wants you really badly, these are unattractive and boring.
Third, don't text or Facebook chat any more than just saying hi or value giving with girls you are interested in (imo), its needy and causes no real human interaction, which is required to stir up human emotions, which is what you want.
I don't think you have completely blown it with this girl, but the next time you ask her out, call her and have something specific to ask to take her to. None of this "Can I take u on d8 pls" crap. Thats all it really looks like. Its an optional conversation anyway.
(imo)
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On May 12 2013 12:01 sambo400 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2013 11:38 13JackaL wrote:
so theres this girl ive been crushing on for about a while now, an old friend from school. Eventually, I worked up the confidence to just send her a message, so we have a nice long conversation. We decide that we would most certainly catch up one of these days, though we don't really specify anything else. So a couple days later I throw her a message that I would take her out sometime after I get paid if she'd like of course. To that, I meet total silence, as if my existence just fades away.
She doesn't end up responding until a couple days later, which of course has me wondering, "How badly did I mess up?" and if so, "What the fuck?" All she says in her response is "LOL no its fine i have my own money." So I really want to meet her at some point but her sudden lack of interest disturbs me. It doesn't even need to be a "date" or anything like that, I just don't understand what's going through this girl's head.
Any advice TL? :D First of all, don't lie to yourself like that (bolded parts). You owe yourself better. Second, do not to leave open ended date proposals. Unless the girl wants you really badly, these are unattractive and boring. Third, don't text or Facebook chat any more than just saying hi or value giving with girls you are interested in (imo), its needy and causes no real human interaction, which is required to stir up human emotions, which is what you want. I don't think you have completely blown it with this girl, but the next time you ask her out, call her and have something specific to ask to take her to. None of this "Can I take u on d8 pls" crap. Thats all it really looks like. Its an optional conversation anyway. (imo)
thanks for your help, ill make an elaborate plan and return to tell the tale of my victory
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On May 12 2013 12:08 13JackaL wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2013 12:01 sambo400 wrote:On May 12 2013 11:38 13JackaL wrote:
so theres this girl ive been crushing on for about a while now, an old friend from school. Eventually, I worked up the confidence to just send her a message, so we have a nice long conversation. We decide that we would most certainly catch up one of these days, though we don't really specify anything else. So a couple days later I throw her a message that I would take her out sometime after I get paid if she'd like of course. To that, I meet total silence, as if my existence just fades away.
She doesn't end up responding until a couple days later, which of course has me wondering, "How badly did I mess up?" and if so, "What the fuck?" All she says in her response is "LOL no its fine i have my own money." So I really want to meet her at some point but her sudden lack of interest disturbs me. It doesn't even need to be a "date" or anything like that, I just don't understand what's going through this girl's head.
Any advice TL? :D First of all, don't lie to yourself like that (bolded parts). You owe yourself better. Second, do not to leave open ended date proposals. Unless the girl wants you really badly, these are unattractive and boring. Third, don't text or Facebook chat any more than just saying hi or value giving with girls you are interested in (imo), its needy and causes no real human interaction, which is required to stir up human emotions, which is what you want. I don't think you have completely blown it with this girl, but the next time you ask her out, call her and have something specific to ask to take her to. None of this "Can I take u on d8 pls" crap. Thats all it really looks like. Its an optional conversation anyway. (imo) thanks for your help, ill make an elaborate plan and return to tell the tale of my victory
The great thing about calling is that some girls are too concerned with hurting your feelings to say no! Then you have a least 1 date...
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On May 11 2013 03:52 gedatsu wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2013 01:25 kaykaykay wrote:On May 10 2013 22:00 marvellosity wrote:On May 10 2013 21:19 kaykaykay wrote:
What do you do when you're with a handful of girls who are all interested in you?
Make an excuse to get out of the way and later find some alone time with all of them? Invite them all for a massive orgy with you as the star attraction. Well, I would love an appropriate response because I wish I was just bragging. No, I genuinely need help. The camp is coming up soon and I hate to be caught in the middle. + Show Spoiler +If it helps, I'm single and I would date any of those girls. But when you have to mingle with a couple of them at one go, I feel flustered because I can't give a single girl my undivided attention. And also partly because I worry about the inclinations they may have when they see me responding flirtatiously to another member of the opposite sex. I think that if they really are as interested in you as you describe, seeing that they have competition will probably make it so they'll be the ones trying to get some alone time with you. Women are suckers for guys that other women fancy (and there is a perfectly good biological reason). So feel free to flirt back, even in group settings.
So it's okay if the ladies see me flirting with others?
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On May 12 2013 13:10 kaykaykay wrote:Show nested quote +On May 11 2013 03:52 gedatsu wrote:On May 11 2013 01:25 kaykaykay wrote:On May 10 2013 22:00 marvellosity wrote:On May 10 2013 21:19 kaykaykay wrote:
What do you do when you're with a handful of girls who are all interested in you?
Make an excuse to get out of the way and later find some alone time with all of them? Invite them all for a massive orgy with you as the star attraction. Well, I would love an appropriate response because I wish I was just bragging. No, I genuinely need help. The camp is coming up soon and I hate to be caught in the middle. + Show Spoiler +If it helps, I'm single and I would date any of those girls. But when you have to mingle with a couple of them at one go, I feel flustered because I can't give a single girl my undivided attention. And also partly because I worry about the inclinations they may have when they see me responding flirtatiously to another member of the opposite sex. I think that if they really are as interested in you as you describe, seeing that they have competition will probably make it so they'll be the ones trying to get some alone time with you. Women are suckers for guys that other women fancy (and there is a perfectly good biological reason). So feel free to flirt back, even in group settings. So it's okay if the ladies see me flirting with others?
If you are flirting with everyone its fine, if you are flirting with one and friendly with everybody else its fine too but if you flirt with one and shutdown/ignore one or more its bad since she may try to cockblock you out of jealousy (or just the fact that you broke the group interaction, or seeing she is the sudden center of attention, she may feel intimidated and start being unresponsive).
If you want to move forward with one in particular you have to size a moment where it would be fine to get one out of the group. If its in a bar you can get her with you when you go to the bar or you can go dance. If its at a party you can either wait for the group to shatter or you can bring her to an activity in the party.
Either way, you cannot flirt with everyone forever so you gotta make a move on someone without being at risk to make the others angry. If you flirt with one and she is responding, any invitation to get out for a couple of minutes (activites, get a drink etc) should be ok with her.
Or as somebody said above, it can happen that one of them will make the move herself to get time with you. However, I have to say that it doesn't give you choice...
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Netherlands6175 Posts
On May 12 2013 07:25 kafkaesque wrote:
I reckon detaching is easier than re-attaching...
I think you should contact her. Ask her what the story is and apologise for being insensitive (girls don't like to think things are casual when you are sleeping together - because it means you can have other girls, and they don't like this). Speak it all through. Maybe something good will come of it and you can get your ukelele back at the same time.
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Hi!
I'm 17, and I can't really approach girls, so I thought I would start online dating/chatting to boost my confidence. I started conversations with a few girls, but most of them stopped at 'Hi', or 'How are you doing'. I'm really new to this, so not sure what to ask. I mean I'm avarage looking, so no idea why they don't write back. Or I should ask something else?
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On May 12 2013 21:12 AmOkk000 wrote:
Hi!
I'm 17, and I can't really approach girls, so I thought I would start online dating/chatting to boost my confidence. I started conversations with a few girls, but most of them stopped at 'Hi', or 'How are you doing'. I'm really new to this, so not sure what to ask. I mean I'm avarage looking, so no idea why they don't write back. Or I should ask something else?
Enjoy being a pimp.
http://www.teamliquid.net/forum/viewmessage.php?topic_id=98041
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On May 12 2013 21:12 AmOkk000 wrote:
Hi!
I'm 17, and I can't really approach girls, so I thought I would start online dating/chatting to boost my confidence. I started conversations with a few girls, but most of them stopped at 'Hi', or 'How are you doing'. I'm really new to this, so not sure what to ask. I mean I'm avarage looking, so no idea why they don't write back. Or I should ask something else?
Just do it irl with real girls your own age. Its much better in the long run. It doesn't matter what you look like as long as you take care of yourself properly, girls are attracted to different qualities than men are.
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On May 12 2013 23:22 sambo400 wrote:Show nested quote +On May 12 2013 21:12 AmOkk000 wrote:
Hi!
I'm 17, and I can't really approach girls, so I thought I would start online dating/chatting to boost my confidence. I started conversations with a few girls, but most of them stopped at 'Hi', or 'How are you doing'. I'm really new to this, so not sure what to ask. I mean I'm avarage looking, so no idea why they don't write back. Or I should ask something else? Just do it irl with real girls your own age. Its much better in the long run. It doesn't matter what you look like as long as you take care of yourself properly, girls are attracted to different qualities than men are.
The thing is, I dont really have many oppurtunities to do this. I dont go to parties, so it's either on my way to school, or in school. Latter one is out, cuz if it doesnt work, it becomes awkard after it for both of us. There's a girl who I sometimes see on the local train. Rarely, very rarely (like one time a week if i'm lucky). We actually know each other (same school during 2-3rd grade), though I have no idea if she remembers me. I promised myself that I would go to her next time I see her. Luckily we live in the same village. What should I say?
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Haha i just got a girlfriend for the first time. Since my mother didnt let me play sc2 i thought id be a bit social and interract with some people.
I remembered this girl that plays volleyball in the same team as me so during a train ride (im male mind you, at that time both teams male as well as female, where going to the same place to a tournament) i decided to talk to her a little. In doing so i learned that her friend beside her is her bff. I got the number of her friend and also became her friend myself so that everywhere that my newly found crush would go i could as well. After taking many ladies nights upon me i finally had a moment alone with my crush and i asked her out to dinner. She said yes. The next morning her friend starts texting me how much she really likes me and so on so from that point on it was basically easy since i knew she liked me. 4 days after asking her out shes all over me at my house. I guess that if you like a girl first become friends with her best friend. A good friend of mine told me this and it obviously worked 
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On May 13 2013 01:48 onewaystyx wrote:Haha i just got a girlfriend for the first time. Since my mother didnt let me play sc2 i thought id be a bit social and interract with some people. I remembered this girl that plays volleyball in the same team as me so during a train ride (im male mind you, at that time both teams male as well as female, where going to the same place to a tournament) i decided to talk to her a little. In doing so i learned that her friend beside her is her bff. I got the number of her friend and also became her friend myself so that everywhere that my newly found crush would go i could as well. After taking many ladies nights upon me i finally had a moment alone with my crush and i asked her out to dinner. She said yes. The next morning her friend starts texting me how much she really likes me and so on so from that point on it was basically easy since i knew she liked me. 4 days after asking her out shes all over me at my house. I guess that if you like a girl first become friends with her best friend. A good friend of mine told me this and it obviously worked
That reminds me of something I read once. To fall for somebody people get attracted by some traits. Of course, which traits, depends on the person but that's not what I'm going to discuss.
For each trait you possess, each will be attractive at different levels depending on how someone finds out about them. From best to worst:
1. She discovers one of your quality by herself (best)
2. One of her friend tells her.
3. One of your friend tells her.
4. You tell her yourself. (worst)
(Of course this also work for defaults)
So when you befriend her friends, they will at least not block you and at best even sell you and displaying qualities that way is imo one of the best ways.
That's also why trying to convince someone you have qualities is just the worst thing ever. You have to display them, not brag about it.
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On May 13 2013 05:16 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2013 01:48 onewaystyx wrote:Haha i just got a girlfriend for the first time. Since my mother didnt let me play sc2 i thought id be a bit social and interract with some people. I remembered this girl that plays volleyball in the same team as me so during a train ride (im male mind you, at that time both teams male as well as female, where going to the same place to a tournament) i decided to talk to her a little. In doing so i learned that her friend beside her is her bff. I got the number of her friend and also became her friend myself so that everywhere that my newly found crush would go i could as well. After taking many ladies nights upon me i finally had a moment alone with my crush and i asked her out to dinner. She said yes. The next morning her friend starts texting me how much she really likes me and so on so from that point on it was basically easy since i knew she liked me. 4 days after asking her out shes all over me at my house. I guess that if you like a girl first become friends with her best friend. A good friend of mine told me this and it obviously worked That reminds me of something I read once. To fall for somebody people get attracted by some traits. Of course, which traits, depends on the person but that's not what I'm going to discuss. For each trait you possess, each will be attractive at different levels depending on how someone finds out about them. From best to worst: 1. She discovers one of your quality by herself (best) 2. One of her friend tells her. 3. One of your friend tells her. 4. You tell her yourself. (worst) (Of course this also work for defaults) So when you befriend her friends, they will at least not block you and at best even sell you and displaying qualities that way is imo one of the best ways. That's also why trying to convince someone you have qualities is just the worst thing ever. You have to display them, not brag about it.
Its normally good when your reputation precedes you. Not always though.
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"Telling her" is completely fine if you package it neatly. "I'm a loyal guy who would always look out for his buddies" vs a random story about how your sister got bullied and they stopped that crap after a stern talk from you. As long as the quality you want to display isn't the actual core of a certain story she'll get the message without it being over the top in most cases.
However, having the girls friends like you is huge. That way you're basically approved by her social surroundings and she doesn't have to worry about that at all.
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I have dated StarCraft for 3 years now. And I am so in love with StarCraft. :D
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Netherlands6175 Posts
Being honest but not boasting is a great quality that girls like. And yeah, it really helps when you fit in with her friends group. When it comes to meeting her parents you should be polite and friendly, don't avoid. Chances are they will like you if you are honest and willing to share with them. Even if you aren'g going to date the girl seriously, it always helps to meet her parents and make yourself charming and liked.
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im ab out to date a really hot chick, any tips guys?
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Netherlands6175 Posts
On May 13 2013 05:16 rezoacken wrote:Show nested quote +On May 13 2013 01:48 onewaystyx wrote:Haha i just got a girlfriend for the first time. Since my mother didnt let me play sc2 i thought id be a bit social and interract with some people. I remembered this girl that plays volleyball in the same team as me so during a train ride (im male mind you, at that time both teams male as well as female, where going to the same place to a tournament) i decided to talk to her a little. In doing so i learned that her friend beside her is her bff. I got the number of her friend and also became her friend myself so that everywhere that my newly found crush would go i could as well. After taking many ladies nights upon me i finally had a moment alone with my crush and i asked her out to dinner. She said yes. The next morning her friend starts texting me how much she really likes me and so on so from that point on it was basically easy since i knew she liked me. 4 days after asking her out shes all over me at my house. I guess that if you like a girl first become friends with her best friend. A good friend of mine told me this and it obviously worked That reminds me of something I read once. To fall for somebody people get attracted by some traits. Of course, which traits, depends on the person but that's not what I'm going to discuss. For each trait you possess, each will be attractive at different levels depending on how someone finds out about them. From best to worst: 1. She discovers one of your quality by herself (best) 2. One of her friend tells her. 3. One of your friend tells her. 4. You tell her yourself. (worst) (Of course this also work for defaults) So when you befriend her friends, they will at least not block you and at best even sell you and displaying qualities that way is imo one of the best ways. That's also why trying to convince someone you have qualities is just the worst thing ever. You have to display them, not brag about it.
Sorry rez, I couldn't help notice your signature, I just wanted to let you know it is Khal Drogo Drogo is his name, and Khal is the Dothraki term for 'king'. Unless you are referring to a gamer with that handle that I don't know about, in which case please disregard me
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EPT
