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We are extremely close to shutting down this thread for the same reasons the PUA thread was shut down. While some of the time this thread contains actual discussion with people asking help and people giving nice advice, it often gets derailed by rubbish that should not be here. The moderation team will be trying to steer this thread in a different direction from now on.

Posts of the following nature are banned:
1) ANYTHING regarding PUA. If your post contains the words 'alpha' or 'beta' or anything of that sort please don't hit post.
2) Stupid brags. You can tell us about your nice success stories with someone, but posts such as 'lol 50 Tinder matches' are a no-no.
3) Any misogynistic bullshit, including discussion about rape culture.
4) One night stands and random sex. These are basically brags that invariably devolve into gender role discussions and misogynistic comments.

Last chance, guys. This thread is for dating advice and sharing dating stories. While gender roles, sociocultural norms, and our biological imperative to reproduce are all tangentially related, these subjects are not the main purpose of the thread. Please AVOID these discussions. If you want to discuss them at length, go to PMs or start a blog. If you disagree with someone's ideologies, state that you disagree with them and why they won't work from a dating standpoint and move on. We will not tolerate any lengthy derailments that aren't directly about dating.
Nerchio
Profile Joined October 2009
Poland2633 Posts
May 10 2013 20:27 GMT
#3141
On May 11 2013 05:24 sambo400 wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 11 2013 04:29 kafkaesque wrote:
From December to around March I had been having sex with a friend of mine, around twice or thrice a week. We would sometimes hang around each other and have occasional phone calls, but nothing serious and the topic of a relationship never came up, as I knew that she wouldn't be interested, that we would make an abysmal couple and that she was still hung up on her ex boyfriend. So one day she's in tears and tells me she has something horrible to admit. Obviously, she had slept with her ex. I wasn't sure why she even told me and said something along the lines of: "That's really not a problem, I've assumed you had been doing that all along.", because I really had assumed that. Suddenly she screams at me, do I take her for a whore, what a horrible thing to say, yada yada. I tried to calm her down, but ultimately left and haven't heard from her since.

Here's the problem: when I left in a hurry, I forgot that she still has my ukulele. How do I get her to mail it to me, without being too inconsiderate?

This actually made me laugh out loud.

Same here but i didn't know if i should write that. I mean, is your biggest problem really the ukulele? Haha.
Progamer"I am the best" - Nerchio , 2017.
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
May 10 2013 20:30 GMT
#3142
On May 11 2013 05:19 Wombat_NI wrote:
What's the issue again? Hopefully Wombat can distill some sage advice at a later juncture


Girl at gym, been semi-coaching her, seems interested, interest not reciprocated on my part, need to arrange smooth explanation of situation without jeopardizing professional courtesy.

Only wimps run over cats. You're out. =(


It was already dead! I jest, there was no feline fatality, 'twas but fabrication. I did sit on a frog when I was ten though, broke my heart. Always liked frogs.
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25773 Posts
May 10 2013 20:31 GMT
#3143
@evo yeah agreed on the not accepting her framing of it. Arguing 'oh you're beautiful' doesn't really do the job
In reassuring girls with that mentality. Flipping it around and making a joke works because it is inferring that the starting position of 'oh I'm so fat' is ridiculous, and ergo not true.

God I can't think properly today, curse my brain!
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25773 Posts
May 10 2013 20:38 GMT
#3144
Go watch Hannibal the TV series and start acting like Will Graham, you will kill her interest :p

In seriousness though, how do you know she is interested? Are you a coach in a professional capacity or have you been assisting her off your own bat? If you want to shirk confrontation in letting her down, kill her interest organically over a period. Think of it as applying PUA techs, but backwards. unless she's a weird obsessive (understandable in your case ofc), if you frame yourself as undesirable, her interest will wane.
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Conti
Profile Joined November 2010
Germany2516 Posts
May 10 2013 20:43 GMT
#3145
On May 11 2013 00:51 HardlyNever wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 11 2013 00:26 r.Evo wrote:
My last gf hated the idea of marriage, despite my "best efforts" to show her a stable relationship and marriages that do last, it never changed her view.

Not despite. Because. That's exactly what I just tried to explain.


That makes absolutely no sense. She had this idea before I ever met her, and trying to show her the reverse reinforces that same idea?

You're either trolling or this is some PUA crap.

You do know that all the PUA crazies have migrated to this thread ever since their beloved PUA thread got closed, right?
Shady Sands
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States4021 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-05-10 21:00:27
May 10 2013 20:59 GMT
#3146
What's PUA?

EDIT: nvm figured it out. How did I miss that thread rofl
Что?
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
May 10 2013 21:00 GMT
#3147
On May 11 2013 05:38 Wombat_NI wrote:
Go watch Hannibal the TV series and start acting like Will Graham, you will kill her interest :p

In seriousness though, how do you know she is interested? Are you a coach in a professional capacity or have you been assisting her off your own bat? If you want to shirk confrontation in letting her down, kill her interest organically over a period. Think of it as applying PUA techs, but backwards. unless she's a weird obsessive (understandable in your case ofc), if you frame yourself as undesirable, her interest will wane.


I think I'm more the actual Hannibal type.

I'm standing in for the regular coach during the summer, so it's in at least a semi-professional capacity. I don't think she's obsessed or has any kind of unhealthy interest, I just suck at letting people down, it makes me feel like a turd.

Lol, what was that about obsession being understandable in my case? Not offended or anything, just a little perplexed.
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25773 Posts
May 10 2013 21:03 GMT
#3148
Hannibal is charming though.

And understandable because you're such a fine specimen obviously!
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
TheFish7
Profile Blog Joined February 2012
United States2824 Posts
May 10 2013 21:14 GMT
#3149
On May 11 2013 04:29 kafkaesque wrote:
From December to around March I had been having sex with a friend of mine, around twice or thrice a week. We would sometimes hang around each other and have occasional phone calls, but nothing serious and the topic of a relationship never came up, as I knew that she wouldn't be interested, that we would make an abysmal couple and that she was still hung up on her ex boyfriend. So one day she's in tears and tells me she has something horrible to admit. Obviously, she had slept with her ex. I wasn't sure why she even told me and said something along the lines of: "That's really not a problem, I've assumed you had been doing that all along.", because I really had assumed that. Suddenly she screams at me, do I take her for a whore, what a horrible thing to say, yada yada. I tried to calm her down, but ultimately left and haven't heard from her since.

Here's the problem: when I left in a hurry, I forgot that she still has my ukulele. How do I get her to mail it to me, without being too inconsiderate?


Hmm, maybe give her some time to cool off, then you could send her some flowers and/or a handwritten note telling her you don't think she's a whore and asking for the ukulele back?
~ ~ <°)))><~ ~ ~
Grumbels
Profile Blog Joined May 2009
Netherlands7031 Posts
May 10 2013 21:14 GMT
#3150
On May 11 2013 01:24 HardlyNever wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 11 2013 01:14 r.Evo wrote:
On May 11 2013 00:51 HardlyNever wrote:
On May 11 2013 00:26 r.Evo wrote:
My last gf hated the idea of marriage, despite my "best efforts" to show her a stable relationship and marriages that do last, it never changed her view.

Not despite. Because. That's exactly what I just tried to explain.


That makes absolutely no sense. She had this idea before I ever met her, and trying to show her the reverse reinforces that same idea?

You're either trolling or this is some PUA crap.

People choose to stick to certain beliefs or behaviours because they do positive things for them. If for some reason she, on an emotional level, believes that marriage is a horrible thing and you offer her logical solutions against her belief you reinforce that belief because suddenly it has to defend itself.

It is impossible to combat something that's emotionally motivated with a logical argument.

The method that's probably most effective in such a situation is a stronger emotional argument that's completely illogical because it hits at both places at the same time. She is against marriage and you assume it has an emotional background? Agree with her and tell her that you think marriage is indeed something retarded because it makes people more likely to cheat, married couples are worse off financially and that the only reason to marry is because the involved parties are insecure about whether they can build a future together or not.


But, hey, that's just trolling or PUA crap anyway.


It's a moot point, b/c we've been broken up for a while. I don't really care about your personal views on marriage one way or another. All you're doing is reinforcing what I said: you can't change someone, it is up to them to "change." You are suggesting some sort of infantile reverse psychology, that strikes me as very "PUA," but it could be some other form of weird thinking.

People are sheep, of course you can change them.
Well, now I tell you, I never seen good come o' goodness yet. Him as strikes first is my fancy; dead men don't bite; them's my views--amen, so be it.
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
May 10 2013 21:23 GMT
#3151
On May 11 2013 06:03 Wombat_NI wrote:
Hannibal is charming though.

And understandable because you're such a fine specimen obviously!


Hannibal is a boss. "I'm giving serious thought to eating your wife" is still the best one liner ever. Given my strictly culinary interest in children, I've always found him to be something of a role-model.

And your kind words warm my shriveled heart, were I not busy watching a masterpiece starring the inimitable Dwayne Johnson I would compose an epic in your honour.
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
WombaT
Profile Blog Joined May 2010
Northern Ireland25773 Posts
May 10 2013 23:40 GMT
#3152
Which of the many Dwayne Jonhson masterpieces have you chosen to write?

Hannibal is a most scary individual for sure, but I am rather jealous of his meticulous neatness and sharp tailoring
'You'll always be the cuddly marsupial of my heart, despite the inherent flaws of your ancestry' - Squat
Baumbart
Profile Joined October 2012
Germany17 Posts
May 11 2013 08:01 GMT
#3153
On May 11 2013 04:29 kafkaesque wrote:
From December to around March I had been having sex with a friend of mine, around twice or thrice a week. We would sometimes hang around each other and have occasional phone calls, but nothing serious and the topic of a relationship never came up, as I knew that she wouldn't be interested, that we would make an abysmal couple and that she was still hung up on her ex boyfriend. So one day she's in tears and tells me she has something horrible to admit. Obviously, she had slept with her ex. I wasn't sure why she even told me and said something along the lines of: "That's really not a problem, I've assumed you had been doing that all along.", because I really had assumed that. Suddenly she screams at me, do I take her for a whore, what a horrible thing to say, yada yada. I tried to calm her down, but ultimately left and haven't heard from her since.

Here's the problem: when I left in a hurry, I forgot that she still has my ukulele. How do I get her to mail it to me, without being too inconsiderate?


Just go to her place, get her a small gift and apologize for what you said. Afterwards just ask her for your ukelele.
Dullahan
Profile Blog Joined April 2009
United States248 Posts
May 11 2013 13:28 GMT
#3154
So... today's C&H made me think of this thread
http://www.explosm.net/comics/3167/
[image loading]
B.I.G.
Profile Blog Joined August 2010
3251 Posts
May 11 2013 15:14 GMT
#3155
On May 11 2013 04:47 Shady Sands wrote:
Show nested quote +
On May 11 2013 04:29 kafkaesque wrote:
From December to around March I had been having sex with a friend of mine, around twice or thrice a week. We would sometimes hang around each other and have occasional phone calls, but nothing serious and the topic of a relationship never came up, as I knew that she wouldn't be interested, that we would make an abysmal couple and that she was still hung up on her ex boyfriend. So one day she's in tears and tells me she has something horrible to admit. Obviously, she had slept with her ex. I wasn't sure why she even told me and said something along the lines of: "That's really not a problem, I've assumed you had been doing that all along.", because I really had assumed that. Suddenly she screams at me, do I take her for a whore, what a horrible thing to say, yada yada. I tried to calm her down, but ultimately left and haven't heard from her since.

Here's the problem: when I left in a hurry, I forgot that she still has my ukulele. How do I get her to mail it to me, without being too inconsiderate?

Hate to break it to you dude but you just poked her where it hurts (no pun intended). You're lucky if she hasn't already done unspeakable things to your instrument.

Lol all this time I was thinking his ukelele was a synonym for his penis... I felt rather disturbed when I read the "doing unspeakable things to your instrument" haha..
kafkaesque
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
Germany2006 Posts
May 11 2013 16:09 GMT
#3156
Genitalia is rarely detachable.
| (• ◡•)|╯ ╰(❍ᴥ❍ʋ)
Monsen
Profile Joined December 2002
Germany2548 Posts
May 11 2013 16:35 GMT
#3157
Only because you don't try hard enough.
11 years and counting- TL #680
McBengt
Profile Joined May 2011
Sweden1684 Posts
May 11 2013 18:53 GMT
#3158
On May 11 2013 08:40 Wombat_NI wrote:
Which of the many Dwayne Jonhson masterpieces have you chosen to write?

Hannibal is a most scary individual for sure, but I am rather jealous of his meticulous neatness and sharp tailoring


Uh, I'm not really sure. He was beating some dudes up with a 2 by 4, then, suddenly, Johnny Knoxville. Then he beat up some more dudes and that was it.
"My twelve year old will out-reason Bill Maher when it comes to understanding, you know, what, uh, how to logic work" - Rick Santorum
Shady Sands
Profile Blog Joined June 2012
United States4021 Posts
May 11 2013 18:56 GMT
#3159
On May 12 2013 01:09 kafkaesque wrote:
Genitalia is rarely detachable.

Key word: rarely

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt
Что?
kafkaesque
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
Germany2006 Posts
May 11 2013 22:25 GMT
#3160
I reckon detaching is easier than re-attaching...
| (• ◡•)|╯ ╰(❍ᴥ❍ʋ)
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