EPTBeing Married - Page 4
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Zorkmid
4410 Posts
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Suvorov
294 Posts
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The Black
United States222 Posts
On October 06 2011 00:14 Gnight wrote: You did a poor job at bringing this subject up at your OP to be honest. xD I will reply, even though I am not a guy, because this goes beyond just being a guy. After all, wheter you'r a guy or a woman, we both have feelings and both have lust and desires. Wheter that is for a guy or a woman doesn't really matter in this case in my eyes. Now onto what you are asking, yes and no. I can't speak for every person out there obviously, but I do believe that having thoughts/desires about having sex with beautiful women (or men for that matter) isn't unnatural, wheter you are in a relationship or not. Though to what extent this desire goes is what matters here, you have put this rather short and simple which doesn't give anyone here much insight to what extent you really mean. After all, having the desire or thought about having sex with beautiful women/men doesn't really sound alien to anyone in these forums I do believe. But is this desire so big that you feel like you "have" to give in to it, no matter wheter you'r in a relationship or not? Or is this desire just something that comes up now and then when you see/hear something that reminds you of such a matter and lingers in your head for a while? Simply put, are the desires so big that they can and will completely control your actions at a point or not? If not then I doubt one can call such desires unnatural, but if it's something you can't ignore even though you love/commited completely to one person, then one can say it's "unnatural" I do believe. (by "society standards") In the end though, I can't look inside other people's heads and thus can't call on what's natural or what not. And for that matter, what's natural? That's all just a opinion formed by each person for themselves, often influenced by society though, so my view on this can differ greatly compared to other posters here. ^ ^ Oh, a lady member of TL. Suddenly I feel like fixing my tie and modulating my voice  Well regarding the OP, I wanted to be subtle about it, until the discussion evolves to it.Simply put, are the desires so big that they can and will completely control your actions at a point or not? Yes. And I can say with certainty that with the opportunity, I will do it, even if we are married already. Of course I will do it in such a way that she will NEVER know and our relationship will NEVER be affected by it. Am I with the wrong company? Why do I think this is ok, even normal. For me, it's not even a question of desire and controlling it. It's about how to handle this desire well (you know what I mean). Beyond all this, I can say that I love her and imagine life and a family with her, as these are simply... transgressions, nothing more. Gentlemen, speak up please. Am I alone in this thought??? | ||
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TeH_CaRnAg3
United States239 Posts
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JamesJohansen
United States213 Posts
Its really easy to be the romantic and say "I love her despite her flaws" but keep in mind that this is probably the most important decision of your life and if it backfires you're fucked (assuming you're a male) Divorce ruins a man's life for good, be extremely careful in picking your significant other. It does go without saying but I still see people making this mistake all the time. On October 06 2011 00:23 Suvorov wrote: don't do it 9 times out of 10, this guy is right. I've seen successful marriages, but they're rare | ||
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Monsen
Germany2548 Posts
<3 MiniWheat | ||
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RosaParksStoleMySeat
Japan926 Posts
My girlfriend and I, for example, never fight. It just doesn't happen. A lot of this is knowledge we have about each other, but it's more that we are simply two adults who know how to communicate; she doesn't instigate arguments, and I don't instigate arguments. We can disagree about something without ever raising our voices or making it personal. We both know how to keep cool under stress, and know how to react to the other person's stress. This is how we understand each other. Basically, we both understand the concept of respect, and we respect each other 24/7. She's not a bitch, and I'm not a prick. This is really all it takes for two people to exist harmoniously. | ||
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NeThZOR
South Africa7387 Posts
The thing is, in today's world I do not see much use for being married. The world itself is so corrupt anyways, with people cheating on each other and just doing what they please. Chances for ever having a lasting marriage are slim. Now I am not in full against the idea of marriage, if one loves a person very much and you know that your partner loves you too, then go for it. But otherwise do not, as uncertainty can be the downfall of the relationship. So, today I wonder if I will ever have the courage to make that commitment, by entrusting my life with another person. Only time will tell though, as that prospect for me seems rather bleak at present. | ||
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Hipsv
135 Posts
As for marriage, at least in Canada there are benefits to being married, like you have lower insurance rates for you car when you are married, and in case you don't have a will your loved one would be entitled to at least a part of your estate should you die young and have spiteful parents that dislike them. I really can't set a guideline for marriage because of the people I know, some people who dated for 1-2 years have had marriages (including my parents) that have lasted for over 5 years and are still going on (parents are approaching 30 years quickly), and I've know people that have dated for 5+ years and are divorced after less than 5 years of marriage, but imo if you are going to marry someone you have to be sure of the following: 1) You can work out your issues in a sensible manor with them. Fighting isn't necessarily bad, but constant fighting especially over petty issues is a pretty tell tale sign the marriage wont work. 2) You can stand living with them pretty easily (IE they aren't a money sucking bum who can't contribute anything, not they piss you off because they leave the toilet seat in x position) 3) Your relationship has give and take, not just give or just take. This obviously is probably true if you are thinking about marriage, but to some people its not really I guess. Basically if your whole relationship is buying her stuff or its sleeping with him then its not really a relationship and the marriage won't make it one. I think those are the main principles anyways and thats what I will look for in a girlfriend who wants to up the relationship. | ||
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NeThZOR
South Africa7387 Posts
On October 06 2011 00:43 RosaParksStoleMySeat wrote: I honestly think that the state of the relationship between the two people is overemphasized in the discussion about when to get married. Yes, being on good terms with your potential future spouse is great, but I think it more depends on the maturity of the two people involved. These are of course interrelated, but let me explain. My girlfriend and I, for example, never fight. It just doesn't happen. A lot of this is knowledge we have about each other, but it's more that we are simply two adults who know how to communicate; she doesn't instigate arguments, and I don't instigate arguments. We can disagree about something without ever raising our voices or making it personal. We both know how to keep cool under stress, and know how to react to the other person's stress. This is how we understand each other. Basically, we both understand the concept of respect, and we respect each other 24/7. She's not a bitch, and I'm not a prick. This is really all it takes for two people to exist harmoniously. Wise words you have there RosaParksStoleMySeat. If only every relationship in the world was based on those virtues, the world would have been a much better place indeed. | ||
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NeThZOR
South Africa7387 Posts
On October 06 2011 00:46 Hipsv wrote: Well to the poster above me, I wouldn't do it if I was in a relationship because there is always a chance that they find out and that's absolutely devastating if they do, not to mention the fact that like most "sinful" things there sort of is a slippery slope per say where if you can get away with it once or twice you start to do it more and more frequently when the opportunity arises. Huge example of this is drugs (selling and using). As for marriage, at least in Canada there are benefits to being married, like you have lower insurance rates for you car when you are married, and in case you don't have a will your loved one would be entitled to at least a part of your estate should you die young and have spiteful parents that dislike them. I really can't set a guideline for marriage because of the people I know, some people who dated for 1-2 years have had marriages (including my parents) that have lasted for over 5 years and are still going on (parents are approaching 30 years quickly), and I've know people that have dated for 5+ years and are divorced after less than 5 years of marriage, but imo if you are going to marry someone you have to be sure of the following: 1) You can work out your issues in a sensible manor with them. Fighting isn't necessarily bad, but constant fighting especially over petty issues is a pretty tell tale sign the marriage wont work. 2) You can stand living with them pretty easily (IE they aren't a money sucking bum who can't contribute anything, not they piss you off because they leave the toilet seat in x position) 3) Your relationship has give and take, not just give or just take. This obviously is probably true if you are thinking about marriage, but to some people its not really I guess. Basically if your whole relationship is buying her stuff or its sleeping with him then its not really a relationship and the marriage won't make it one. I think those are the main principles anyways and thats what I will look for in a girlfriend who wants to up the relationship. I'm assuming you are not referring to my post dear sir, given that you could not have responded in 1 minute, and more to the point; that your post is not related to mine Just remember next time when responding to someone's post to quote theirs so as to not confuse others by mistake  | ||
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ShadowWolf
United States197 Posts
On October 06 2011 00:29 The Black wrote: Oh, a lady member of TL. Suddenly I feel like fixing my tie and modulating my voice Well regarding the OP, I wanted to be subtle about it, until the discussion evolves to it.Yes. And I can say with certainty that with the opportunity, I will do it, even if we are married already. Of course I will do it in such a way that she will NEVER know and our relationship will NEVER be affected by it. Am I with the wrong company? Why do I think this is ok, even normal. For me, it's not even a question of desire and controlling it. It's about how to handle this desire well (you know what I mean). Beyond all this, I can say that I love her and imagine life and a family with her, as these are simply... transgressions, nothing more. Gentlemen, speak up please. Am I alone in this thought??? There's a lot of things you say that heavily suggest your relationship probably is already affected by it and you haven't even done anything yet. I don't think you can say with any confidence that she would both never know and your relationship would be unaffected by it. You should take a moment and consider whether marriage, etc. is a lifestyle choice you could live with for any period of time. I know a guy who is in an open marriage, in that they both sleep around sometimes and know the other does it, and they're both pretty happy with it overall. No kids, though, and I have a sneaky suspicion that kids would affect their marital choices. It's easier to imagine the rest of your life with someone you know compared to someone you don't. | ||
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Zaranth
United States345 Posts
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GeyzeR
250 Posts
I was quite successful and known in times of SC1 and Quake 2, but now "I'm gettin' too old for this shit" . And I regret that i spent so much my time for something that did not result any good for my future.This activity is not for a "real man", most of women would tell you. It does not bring money, respect in society etc. It is considered (by most of my friends) as a leisure activity for geeks. In fact, I could not even tell my friends from upper middle class, socially successful people etc. that I played regularly a computer game, it would hurt my image. I do not intend to offend somebody. When you are 30+ and still dedicate a lot of time to Starcraft, I believe that at least you must realize that you pay a price for it. And if you have nothing else to do - that's a problem too. I believe if somebody is getting married, it's a good reason to sort out his life. Unless you are White-Ra or generally can earn playing the game money considered in your country good. Which is not the case in 99.999% and anyway it does not have long term future. | ||
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Bibdy
United States3481 Posts
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xDaunt
United States17988 Posts
1) When you meet the right person, you'll know it. Choosing to marry someone should be an easy decision. If it's not easy, then there's probably something wrong -- either you personally are not prepared to marry, or the girl that you're with is not right for you. 2) You don't need to spend several years with someone to know whether they're the right person. If you still have doubts after two years, chances are that it's time to move on. | ||
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novabossa
United States350 Posts
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Hairy
United Kingdom1169 Posts
On October 06 2011 00:29 The Black wrote: Yes. And I can say with certainty that with the opportunity, I will do it, even if we are married already. Of course I will do it in such a way that she will NEVER know and our relationship will NEVER be affected by it. ... Really? I find your lack of self control.... pitiful. It's natural to find other people attractive. It's also normal to imagine what it might be like to sleep with that person; what they might look like naked; what the experience might be like. But you should have no desire to actually want that experience to happen, nevermind to actually intentionally seek it out. No matter how careful you think you will be, she will find out (or at least suspect), and your relationship will be in jeapordy. Talking about entering a marriage, while simultaneously planning to go behind her back to sleep with other people, is preposterous. You would destroy her if she found out. Not only that, but you would shame and embarass not only her but her entire family - the reason for a divorce would not be a secret. You say you care for her, yet you clearly do not care enough to resist being a filthy manslut. | ||
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BBWsuperstar
74 Posts
if you aren't already living together, live together. Studies show that if you live together for 18 months, after that period of time, you're either broken up or married. just try it out. If you do decide to get married, HL GF MATE! | ||
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Kinetik_Inferno
United States1431 Posts
Pretty sure my opinions are going to change quite a bit once I'm actually at that point though. | ||
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