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On October 06 2011 07:11 Magic_Mike wrote:
I personally think we need marriage for the same reason we need, funerals, birthdays, bar mitzvah's or whatever. Human beings have a profound need to ritualize important events in our lives. The commitment can be made regardless of whether or not you have a wedding ceremony. However it sticks in our minds more and gains additional importance when we ritualize things. It's the difference between going to just another high school dance and going to the prom. They are the same things it's just that one has more ceremony and therefore seems more important to us.
Or the whole swearing in front of a gathering of friends family and witnesses a declaration of intent which is ritual I agree but its also a wee bit more than that, thus courts recognizing this fact.
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If not, maybe the whole 'only opportunity in your life you will EVER be able to enjoy a party with all of your family and friends in the same room together, and be the center of attention' thing might sway you.
You don't need to have a ceremony, but there are a lot of good, fun reasons to have one. My parents didn't have one, they just got married by a local registrar, but my mother was still mad jelly of our wedding.
Contrary to popular e-nerd, practical, down-to-business attitudes around here, it's totally okay to have your 15 minutes of fame and enjoy it.
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Ask Al bundy
![[image loading]](http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQt_LoFSvbfU2Arnd6JZjgAiRVBDMyblxvai8T2Pz2--TtAljHo)
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On October 06 2011 04:22 Divinek wrote:
You can view marriage in two totally different ways; signing a piece of paper or something truly meaningful. I think getting married in and of itself is obviously not meaningful, but the act and what it represents and having a celebration for it is an awesome idea. If you truly love them then WHY NOT celebrate a real promise to be together for the rest of your lives. You two may already know it but why not let the world know too?
Because marriage often entails a whole bunch of other things, besides letting the world know.
For one thing, it's a contract that allows a woman to secure her financial future before the ravages of time starts decreasing her sexual market value. As a simple test of this, ask how many women would be willing to sign a prenuptial agreement to waive all alimony. The percentage unwilling is the percentage that think that marriage is more than just a "celebration of commitment" (those who are willing, on the other hand, are the keepers).
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For people here discerning whether or not marriage is right for them, here is hands down the best resource I've found. It's a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married". It's just that, it's questions about prior experiences with other people's marriages, your own expectations with marriage, children, political/religious perspectives, physical/emotional expectations, finance, etc. I've been working on it with my lovely girlfriend for the past 4 months or so, and it's really clarified for me that this is a person I can give myself to.
If you're going through this book, you must be completely open with your partner. If you're softening your belief or stance on something in a way you think your sig. other will handle better, or outright lying, consider that a major red flag that marriage isn't right for you.
http://www.amazon.com/1001-Questions-Ask-Before-Married/dp/0071438033
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GRAND OLD AMERICA16375 Posts
Ask Xellos, got married after 7 years
just saying.
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On October 06 2011 08:07 Harbinger631 wrote:For people here discerning whether or not marriage is right for them, here is hands down the best resource I've found. It's a book called "1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married". It's just that, it's questions about prior experiences with other people's marriages, your own expectations with marriage, children, political/religious perspectives, physical/emotional expectations, finance, etc. I've been working on it with my lovely girlfriend for the past 4 months or so, and it's really clarified for me that this is a person I can give myself to. If you're going through this book, you must be completely open with your partner. If you're softening your belief or stance on something in a way you think your sig. other will handle better, or outright lying, consider that a major red flag that marriage isn't right for you. http://www.amazon.com/1001-Questions-Ask-Before-Married/dp/0071438033
Normally I hate links that promote shit offsite but this is a really good one, I got to reading it after my ex-fiance and I broke and I think it would have saved a lot of trouble ahead of time. Obviously some of the shit is subjective to time and place but its mainly put together extremely well.
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On October 05 2011 22:26 NikonTC wrote:
You're missing my point I think, I'm perfectly happy with "promising" myself to someone I care about, my question was why do I have to do it using a word, a band of metal, and a priest of a religion I don't even follow?
you don't have to get married with a priest.
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On October 06 2011 01:13 Kinetik_Inferno wrote:
I don't think I'm ever going to get married. I don't mean that I'm going to be a bachelor for life, but I'd rather not be officially married with someone else. It harkens back to a time when women were considered property.
Pretty sure my opinions are going to change quite a bit once I'm actually at that point though.
so marriage, = woman your property.
k. Sound logic bro
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On October 05 2011 22:42 The Black wrote:
Ok these are my thoughts:
Legal benefits - understood and agree
Life stability - ok I get it
Commitment - Clear
Problem is, is it not natural for a man to really go hunting. It's not even about the grass being greener on the other side. It's about pleasure, or, forgive me, conquest! Maybe one can get married and just secretly be "hunting" on the sides, but still be in love and committed to the marriage. Is that such a bastardly thought? Perhaps there will be such a woman in time that will tame a man, right?
If you honestly felt you were ready for the commitment of love there is no way you'd be saying stuff like this. I've only been with my girlfriend for less than six months and the concept of "hunting and conquest" leaves me no temptation whatsoever... in fact it is repulsive.
I sincerely hope you don't let your girlfriend pledge her life to your side if you think so shallow of her. If you're not good enough for marriage, that's your own deal. Don't ruin someone else's life who wants to actually get married. Stop with the sexist bullshit about "men are meant to hunt and conquest." Men and women both ruin their marriages with cheating -- making excuses for it now just means you're likely going to end up being one of the statistics. Sheesh, no wonder half of marriages end within five years if this is the kind of people that enter it.
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On October 05 2011 23:50 wingweaver415 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 23:38 The Black wrote:On October 05 2011 23:15 rogzardo wrote:
Probably not the best idea to get married and already be planning to cheat on her. Just saying. You understood me perfectly. Does it still count as cheating if I still love here and commit to here forever? Now I'm beginning to think your a troll....
Going to have to agree here... I was baited.
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On October 06 2011 08:43 VPCursed wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2011 01:13 Kinetik_Inferno wrote:
I don't think I'm ever going to get married. I don't mean that I'm going to be a bachelor for life, but I'd rather not be officially married with someone else. It harkens back to a time when women were considered property.
Pretty sure my opinions are going to change quite a bit once I'm actually at that point though. so marriage, = woman your property. k. Sound logic bro
He was saying the act of marriage is an outdated concept which in the past symbolized that the woman was your property. He didn't once explicitly state that he thinks if he gets married then the woman is his property.
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Don't get married until you're a good bit passed 25. And if you're still in school, college, don't get married until you've had a job for at least 3 years. You haven't seen enough of "real" life, meaning adult life, until you've met either or both of these conditions.
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On October 06 2011 09:00 VonLego wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 23:50 wingweaver415 wrote:On October 05 2011 23:38 The Black wrote:On October 05 2011 23:15 rogzardo wrote:
Probably not the best idea to get married and already be planning to cheat on her. Just saying. You understood me perfectly. Does it still count as cheating if I still love here and commit to here forever? Now I'm beginning to think your a troll.... Going to have to agree here... I was baited.
Not necessarily.
Different people around the world have different views on the meaning of sex. Given your moral compass I would assume that you believe sex is an intimate act that should only be performed between loving couples (or something similar to that train of thought). Other people view sex as merely an act of pleasure, something that is fun to do. If a person views sex as "for fun" then is it really the same as if it is viewed as an intimate act?
My point being, is it cheating to watch a movie with a female friend? Its something you do for fun, so if your view is sex is just something to be done for fun rather than a commitment of love then is it really the same?
There are people in happy and healthy open relationships, where they have sex with people other than their partner but still feel completely and totally in love with their partner. They have intimacy with their partner beyond that of sex. It goes back to their partner is their best friend, their soul mate. They don't feel the need to keep sex as something they only do with each other because they have so much more to share with each other that is special other than what is in their pants. After all, billions of people have vaginas and penises and for the most part there isn't anything that special about the one your partner has. What makes people an individual is what is in their head, their thoughts and feelings, not their genitalia.
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On October 06 2011 09:00 Tektos wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2011 08:43 VPCursed wrote:On October 06 2011 01:13 Kinetik_Inferno wrote:
I don't think I'm ever going to get married. I don't mean that I'm going to be a bachelor for life, but I'd rather not be officially married with someone else. It harkens back to a time when women were considered property.
Pretty sure my opinions are going to change quite a bit once I'm actually at that point though. so marriage, = woman your property. k. Sound logic bro He was saying the act of marriage is an outdated concept which in the past symbolized that the woman was your property. He didn't once explicitly state that he thinks if he gets married then the woman is his property.
I'm quite ignorant in what the past symbolized for women. Modern marriage has changed. However i think basing a decision on the past in this case is... stupid? I cant find a better word..
but he said he would rather not be "Officially" married so its not as if he doesn't believe in the commitment between a partnership.
I really haven't a clue about the history of "marriage"
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On October 05 2011 22:21 Harbinger631 wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 22:08 NikonTC wrote:On October 05 2011 22:00 Harbinger631 wrote:
It's not the wedding ceremony that matters, it's the promise. If you care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him, then it's reasonable that you swear it to that person, declare your intentions. With a promise of such gravity, you'll of course want witnesses, usually family and friends, and an authority figure to preside over your promise, be it a religious figure, judge, captain, etc.
Contracts are very important, they bring stability to a chaotic world. The way you say that, you make it sound like marriage is just a tool of the paranoid and the self-conscious. "Oh you love me do you? Well then you won't mind signing this contract that means I get half your stuff if it turns out you're lying!" Surely if you "care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him" as you say, then you don't NEED to make a promise. It's not about NEEDING to make a promise, it's wanting too. If you really want to devote your life to one person, you should be able to shout it from the rooftops. If you're worried about your stuff, then you obviously don't want to devote yourself to your spouse, and you shouldn't get married. If you don't want to make a promise, but think that you care enough to make it work, then you're holding back and somethings wrong.
Meh, With more than 50% of marriages ending in divorce I dont think this argument really holds water anymore. More than half the people who got married felt like that at one point or another. What about people who have been together 10+ years and have a common-law marriage, is there something more wrong with them vs someone who gets divorced after a year?
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All the older couples who I've talked about this to all say the same thing. It's a mistake to get married if you don't know you can't spend the rest of your life with someone. A lot of people who say they're in love just really like each other, but don't really NEED each other in their lives. It's natural to be worried about being with just one person for the rest of your life, but in the end, you know you wouldn't want to be with anyone else. They could be wrong, but just a few words from people who were married successfully for 50+ years
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Let's see... I'm in the US Air Force, I've been in Korea for almost 4 years. I have had 4 Korean girlfriends and the previous three were all unbearable. I've had my random dates in between. I finally found someone that doesn't drive me completely crazy. I don't want to rush into marriage too, but I feel like we can live our lives together. My time is running up in Korea and I don't want to call it a "shotgun marriage" because the Air Force wants me to move and I have to decide on whether I break up or get married to my girlfriend of 16 months. I proposed to her in June and we should be tying the knot by the end of this year.
Marriage is obviously serious since it affects your whole life, your friends, family, and your significant others life, friends, family, and etc. However if you feel like you two can properly communicate with each other about goals, financial situations, personality conflicts, and etc. you should be fine.
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On October 06 2011 08:43 VPCursed wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2011 01:13 Kinetik_Inferno wrote:
I don't think I'm ever going to get married. I don't mean that I'm going to be a bachelor for life, but I'd rather not be officially married with someone else. It harkens back to a time when women were considered property.
Pretty sure my opinions are going to change quite a bit once I'm actually at that point though. so marriage, = woman your property. k. Sound logic bro
He has some reason, but I think that marriage today has become more of an emotional bonding,as opposed to the binding it was in the past.
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I actually had a chance to read all of the posts in the thread now. A lot of people say marriage is "just a piece of paper" but for some people it means a hell of a lot.
US Military doesn't give a shit about your girlfriend, but supports wives so much more. We're talking family separation pay, higher housing pay for dependents, health care benefits, moving benefits, and etc. You don't get any of that if you're single. Oh yeah and if your GF gets pregnant out of wedlock good luck getting time off from work to raise the newborn. I'm not trying to say get married for benefits, but saying that "marriage is just a piece of paper" sounds a bit misinformed in my opinion. Also in my situation in able for me and my GF to be together she has to have an approved Visa immigration to live in the US so the best way to do that is through a Fiancee/Wife visa petition.
Anyways me and my girlfriend are 24 and she's always told me "When I get married I will do this for my husband and bla bla bla." I remember once when we were together she asked me when I would get married. I laughed and told her when I was an old man, but honestly I just wanted to hide the fact that I was observing her as marriage potential. She told me 26, but I'm pretty sure she meant 25 in Western age so I guessed when I proposed to her she happily did it at 25 Korean age.
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EPT
