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Although never fully discussed here, as I gather from searching, I'm sure a lot of TL have been thinking about it and been wanting to exchange ideas with others, especially those who have already made the commitment and being married.
So here I am, soon approaching the middle of my 20s, and with a gorgeous and wonderful girlfriend for 2 years. I recall Seth Rogen saying on TV that women thing about marriage all the time, and it's almost something that defines them. Men, on the other hand, think about it only when it's time. And I agree with him. Since after our first year of being together, my girlfriend has always tried to bring this up. To be honest, while I like the idea, I really don't know how to respond to it. To be completely honest, whenever I'm out, I think to myself "WOW all these lovely ladies and you're going to be with ONE woman for the rest of your life!" In short, panic.
But it's not that I'm completely adverse to the idea. It's just that It's not on my mind at the moment. Lately, I tried to assure here that 2012 will be our year, and if we had a chance, we can ever do it in the ruins of the Mayans, just to make it more memorable. I am sure that we would make each other good company, and would have the best of times ahead of us. But am I just being a barbar of the male species if I say that somewhere, somehow, you looks for other things, while keeping your wife as a constant, a home. It's unfair, yes, but it's a very strong drive. Really, the thought scares me to death. Millions and millions of women in the world, and you choose to be with one for the rest of your life. Damn.
Who among TL here are married already? How is married life so far? And who are in the same process as I am? It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts.
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I think 2 or 3 years is not enough, 5 years is the best time I think.
Reason being that many relationships end after 1 or 2 or 3 or 4 years but if you are together for 5 years I think it can be assumed that it holds. But even then I have a friend that married after 5 and 1 year after that they divorced but you can never be sure...
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A more interesting debate in my mind is: Why do people NEED to get married these days?
The sanctity of marriage is out the window completely, along with all religious reasons for it. So other than the chance to have a big party and a fuss made of the couple, why to they bother to get married at all? If your relationship is such that you NEED to have some form of "commitment" ceremony to bind yourselves together, then I'd question whether the relationship is strong enough for marriage in the first place.
I'm not sure of any legal benefits to getting married, so I won't comment on those, but I'd be suprised if they were such that a couple had to get married.
Myself, I don't care either way about marriage. I've never cheated on a girl in my life, and if I find a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I'm capable of doing that without a band of metal on my finger to remind me. However, the girl I'm with may want to get married, or at least have a ceremony of some sort. So I guess I'll have to stay open minded to the concept.
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On October 05 2011 21:52 NikonTC wrote:
A more interesting debate in my mind is: Why do people NEED to get married these days?
The sanctity of marriage is out the window completely, along with all religious reasons for it. So other than the chance to have a big party and a fuss made of the couple, why to they bother to get married at all? If your relationship is such that you NEED to have some form of "commitment" ceremony to bind yourselves together, then I'd question whether the relationship is strong enough for marriage in the first place.
I'm not sure of any legal benefits to getting married, so I won't comment on those, but I'd be suprised if they were such that a couple had to get married.
Myself, I don't care either way about marriage. I've never cheated on a girl in my life, and if I find a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I'm capable of doing that without a band of metal on my finger to remind me. However, the girl I'm with may want to get married, or at least have a ceremony of some sort. So I guess I'll have to stay open minded to the concept.
This also. But my thought are actually more basic. I'm sorry for being too honest about this as well. You may call it cheating, but can a man actually be satisfied with just one woman (at least sexually?)
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5 ways to know it's time to get married
I am not married, but I loved the above article and it summarizes my opinion as well. If you panic thinking about marriage, then it's probably not a good idea to do it.
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When you have children, marriage makes a lot of things easier. Healthcare is a lot easier when you are married as well. Not to mention, the tax benefits.
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On October 05 2011 21:55 The Black wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 21:52 NikonTC wrote:
A more interesting debate in my mind is: Why do people NEED to get married these days?
The sanctity of marriage is out the window completely, along with all religious reasons for it. So other than the chance to have a big party and a fuss made of the couple, why to they bother to get married at all? If your relationship is such that you NEED to have some form of "commitment" ceremony to bind yourselves together, then I'd question whether the relationship is strong enough for marriage in the first place.
I'm not sure of any legal benefits to getting married, so I won't comment on those, but I'd be suprised if they were such that a couple had to get married.
Myself, I don't care either way about marriage. I've never cheated on a girl in my life, and if I find a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I'm capable of doing that without a band of metal on my finger to remind me. However, the girl I'm with may want to get married, or at least have a ceremony of some sort. So I guess I'll have to stay open minded to the concept. This also. But my thought are actually more basic. I'm sorry for being too honest about this as well. You may call it cheating, but can a man actually be satisfied with just one woman (at least sexually?)
I think if you're having these concerns it would definitely be best if you waited a few more years to establish decisively if you are interested in getting married.
Not that I have any experience in the matter. But I'd be clear with my girlfriend that I would want to wait a few more years before deciding if you're ready to spend the rest of your life her.
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It's not the wedding ceremony that matters, it's the promise. If you care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him, then it's reasonable that you swear it to that person, declare your intentions. With a promise of such gravity, you'll of course want witnesses, usually family and friends, and an authority figure to preside over your promise, be it a religious figure, judge, captain, etc.
Contracts are very important, they bring stability to a chaotic world.
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On October 05 2011 22:00 getSome[703] wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 21:55 The Black wrote:On October 05 2011 21:52 NikonTC wrote:
A more interesting debate in my mind is: Why do people NEED to get married these days?
The sanctity of marriage is out the window completely, along with all religious reasons for it. So other than the chance to have a big party and a fuss made of the couple, why to they bother to get married at all? If your relationship is such that you NEED to have some form of "commitment" ceremony to bind yourselves together, then I'd question whether the relationship is strong enough for marriage in the first place.
I'm not sure of any legal benefits to getting married, so I won't comment on those, but I'd be suprised if they were such that a couple had to get married.
Myself, I don't care either way about marriage. I've never cheated on a girl in my life, and if I find a girl that I want to spend the rest of my life with, then I'm capable of doing that without a band of metal on my finger to remind me. However, the girl I'm with may want to get married, or at least have a ceremony of some sort. So I guess I'll have to stay open minded to the concept. This also. But my thought are actually more basic. I'm sorry for being too honest about this as well. You may call it cheating, but can a man actually be satisfied with just one woman (at least sexually?) I think if you're having these concerns it would definitely be best if you waited a few more years to establish decisively if you are interested in getting married. Not that I have any experience in the matter. But I'd be clear with my girlfriend that I would want to wait a few more years before deciding if you're ready to spend the rest of your life her.
What if after 5 years I still feel the same. Am I bound to not get married? Or be cheating within marriage?
dotHead is right though, there are a lot of legal benefits to getting married.
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On October 05 2011 21:56 Inex wrote:5 ways to know it's time to get marriedI am not married, but I loved the above article and it summarizes my opinion as well. If you panic thinking about marriage, then it's probably not a good idea to do it.
seconded..... John Cheese is the fucking man
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If you go around banging women and never get married, what is that really going to achieve? Sure it gets your rocks off and you feel good. But at the end of the day, you won't raise children of your own, or have a stable environment with social support to raise a child of your own, unless you get married and devote yourself to one girl (eventually). And to be honest, as a human being, raising offspring is pretty much your only purpose.
There's plenty of reasons to get married. But its not something you should rush into. There's no magical sign that you should marry someone either. Its up to the both of you to commit. It takes 2 to tango so to speak.
So yeah, I dunno what I'm really trying to say. Do what you want, I guess.. but I believe never getting married will just set you up to have a purposeless and ultimately lonely existence. Unless you wanna die young lol
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On October 05 2011 22:00 Harbinger631 wrote:
It's not the wedding ceremony that matters, it's the promise. If you care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him, then it's reasonable that you swear it to that person, declare your intentions. With a promise of such gravity, you'll of course want witnesses, usually family and friends, and an authority figure to preside over your promise, be it a religious figure, judge, captain, etc.
Contracts are very important, they bring stability to a chaotic world.
The way you say that, you make it sound like marriage is just a tool of the paranoid and the self-conscious. "Oh you love me do you? Well then you won't mind signing this contract that means I get half your stuff if it turns out you're lying!"
Surely if you "care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him" as you say, then you don't NEED to make a promise.
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i'm not married but engaged to be married with my beautiful fiance. We've been living together for 5 years and i finally proposed last winter and were getting married this summer.
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On October 05 2011 21:56 Inex wrote:5 ways to know it's time to get marriedI am not married, but I loved the above article and it summarizes my opinion as well. If you panic thinking about marriage, then it's probably not a good idea to do it.
Damn. That ending was actually really clever haha
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I think I am a rare sort here on TeamLiquid. I am 23 and have been married for 3 1/2 years. I have never regretted getting married even though I blame the fact that I am still in Diamond league on it. :D I think the stability it gives is a large plus, largely for kids. Sure, you are with one woman (presumably planning on being with her the rest of your life as well) but I think looking at other woman and wondering is often a case of "the grass is greener on the other side". My 2 cents...
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Just based on some replies in this thread: Is it ok to still make the promise *without* the marriage hooplah? Would I be wrong for *wanting* to make that promise to someone?
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On October 05 2011 22:08 NikonTC wrote:Show nested quote +On October 05 2011 22:00 Harbinger631 wrote:
It's not the wedding ceremony that matters, it's the promise. If you care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him, then it's reasonable that you swear it to that person, declare your intentions. With a promise of such gravity, you'll of course want witnesses, usually family and friends, and an authority figure to preside over your promise, be it a religious figure, judge, captain, etc.
Contracts are very important, they bring stability to a chaotic world. The way you say that, you make it sound like marriage is just a tool of the paranoid and the self-conscious. "Oh you love me do you? Well then you won't mind signing this contract that means I get half your stuff if it turns out you're lying!" Surely if you "care enough about a person that you want to devote your life to her/him" as you say, then you don't NEED to make a promise.
It's not about NEEDING to make a promise, it's wanting too. If you really want to devote your life to one person, you should be able to shout it from the rooftops. If you're worried about your stuff, then you obviously don't want to devote yourself to your spouse, and you shouldn't get married. If you don't want to make a promise, but think that you care enough to make it work, then you're holding back and somethings wrong.
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If you really love someone and want to spend the rest of your life with that person, there is no good reason to not get married 
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You're missing my point I think, I'm perfectly happy with "promising" myself to someone I care about, my question was why do I have to do it using a word, a band of metal, and a priest of a religion I don't even follow?
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Damnit, Marriage is one tough deal bro,
I've been married for 2.5 years now and I'm very happy with my wife. I still love her and we share a very special soulmate bond thingie. We've been trough very hard times in our relationship and also personal problems we've had almost drove us apart in 2010. Let's just say the subject children and an inablitly to conceive puts the greatest pressure imaginable on a husband and wife. However we've overcome (we are bent on adopting children from Africa).
Imagine this. If you feel that the woman you're with is your soulmate. That no matter how hot other women may be, you'd still rather be with her than with the hottest celebrity / model / pornstar no matter wat, then you know. Love is more than worrying about not being able to fuck around with other woman.
Alsof if your marriage fails, it fails. Best to accept it then, not the end of the world.
I can recommend marriage. However I may argue knowing someone for 2 years may mean that you've not fully explored each other emotionally.
I would not leave my wife anytime. She is soooo precious to me, my soul belongs to her. She is my angel. If she would end up in a wheelchair, become horrbily skinny or obviously overweigth, still I'd prefer being with her. When you put your forehead against her forehead in an emotional moment and you feel like this is the best place to be at this given time you will know that you want to be with her forever.
Hell, even if my wife and I would divorce at some time by unforseen hardships that have pushed the limits of tolerable emotional pain, I'm still convinced that our love will be eternal, even after death. She's my wife bloody hell and I'd have it no other way.
In my hearth for ever until I die!
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EPT
