http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/227.html - column #1
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee's column 11.03. - 18.03.2007
KeSPA News
KeSPA says: sAviOr (team CJ Entus), the man who is known as the maestro, is the greatest player of 2006. Yes, he is. I think he watched that Bruce Lee interview too many times: “Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend!” He’s too god damn consistent, what can you do?
Hullah wins BW4Ever Finals
This Polish Zerg from Templars of Twilight defeated MYM.SEn in the BW4Ever finals with a flawless 3-0 score (SEn, you deserve a big spanking for this!), after defeating MYM.Testie in the semi-finals and LRM)ReasoN in the quarter-finals. GG Hullah!
GosuGamers launches GGSL
The guys at GosuGamers.net did it again! Another feature with their tag on it shows they mean business. This time they set up a sort of non-Korean star-league, with 32 players. It sounds good, it looks good and it is good. With the “player recycling” system, the league will ensure fresh blood each season. I didn’t signup so I wouldn’t rape those newbs.
Draco on Korean TV
Do you remember that Protoss from Poland? He uses the account name Draco, and he left to Korea, as the team OGN Sparkyz hired a hypnotist to get him. (At least, that’s what I think). He appeared on Airang TV, a Korean TV, where he talked about what is it like to be a pro-gamer. After all that time spent in Korea, I have only one question for him: do you use those chopsticks or they let you use the fork?
StarCraft: Dark Templar #1: Firstborn is out!
Blizzplanet announced that the first book from the trilogy will be available starting with May 2007. Good news for all the StarCraft maniacs indeed. Except for the fact that no one will buy it.
KeSPA Cup #2
The KeSPA Cup results have been quite funny: Yellow[ArnC] all-killed team eSTRO, Luxury[GsP] all-killed KTF, n.Die_Chalrenge all-killed Samsung Khan. The top teams SKT and KTF got KO’d, CJ Entus got raped by SKT’s 2nd team. The KeSPA finals had its recent rivals, OGN and MBC! Oh, the irony! These 2 teams could have made a good joke and not show up!
BOSS without a SC team
With the best players from BOSS leaving to Excello, the German team decided to wave good-bye. Yup, no more StarCraft for them! But then GoR joined, and now they were kicked. That should teach them a lesson! Who? I dunno. Do you know?
Artosis wins the Hampton offline tournament
Artosis[Media] received $1200 for winning the New Hampshire StarCraft tournament. G5 was second and Corbalt was third. Tasteless got a weak-ass place 4. I bet he shoutcasted every match he played WHEN he played them: “And now, my mutas are harassing the Terran’s base, OH MY GOD, superb micro by me!”
ToT signs with Razer
The Templars got Razer as their new sponsor, which also means that the clan will be provided with gaming gear. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t see them being sponsored by Always (that’s tampons, man, tampons!), or Orbit. Just think about the ads a ToT player would do: “When I have an important match but I’m in a “difficult” period of the month, I use Always so I can concentrate on my micro. I recommend this to all gamers!” OR “Before I discovered Orbit, I used to smile on chat only like this “”. But this new product, I always use “:D” in channels. Thank you, Orbit!”
Beckham is looking for team for West server
Soccer? WTF no! Beckham is a very good Zerg player from China. But enough about this. I would like to see his ad in a matrimonial magazine: “Ji Wen Jun, 21, China, Zerg, looking for team, west, good. Seriousness, please.” I should probably disguise myself as a team and get him; after that I will transform him into my sexual slave.
The Ultimate Race
SuperFight take 5 started, this time with sAviOr, NaDa and Bisu already seeded. The other 6 (2 players per race) will be picked from votes. I can already see players with voting strategies, from “Vote for me!” to “Hey, you! Who, me? Yea, you. What? Come here, I got something for you. Here, take this can of rice for free, but remember: it is ***** who made it possible!
GG.net’s Carrier has a sponsor
GG.net signed with Emsisoft and these guys said they will provide the first 30 players with anti-malware. Great, can’t wait to see the new season with sponsorship. It’s just that I still wait for the HappyMeal sponsorship and the l’Oreal sponsorship. Now, THAT would attract players!
Pantech EX dismembered
The Pantech EX leader declared he will dismiss the team because of financial disappointments. He says he received offers, but few/(none) were actually meaning business. Well, now: you have NaDa, the player that grabs a fat salary, and you cry that the team is not worth it. Well, mister “I do whatTHEFUCKever I want with my team”, with this way of thinking, you’re going to be a very successful business man. Try selling the team to the local Mafia: Mob.NaDa sounds good, huh?
sataNik wins Samsung Tour 2007
The Greek veteran xLo.sataNik just won the Samsung Tour 2007, beating outekan (2nd place) and xLo.crack (3rd place). Some people just don’t know when to quit. Oh, in case of sataNik that’s a good thing. Keep it up, old man, I dare you!
37 new pro-gamers for the Korean scene
In fact, 50 new pro-gamers are to play on the big boys’ playground.kor It’s just that 37 of them have already been selected, whil the other 13 will arrive in the other half of 2007. If it’s like in the army, they will probably start the pro-gaming activity with some healthy activities, such as: scrubbing the toilet with the personal toothbrush, cutting 600kg of potatoes per day, measuring the side of the room with a lighter: „Start scrubbing the toilet, soldier...aaa, I mean gamer! Yes, Sir! Proceeding!”
Ashur leaves BWTV
It appears that Ashur has been sick and tired of Blizzard’s „attention”, so he wrote an article that could be easily restricted to „Fuck it, I’m outta here!”. This is news most sad, as this guy did a lot of work for the community, and I personally salute his accomplishments. Since Blizzard didn’t want to hire him and his team, he could either invest his money into a hot-dog stand, or he could go orange picking in Spain.
PSL started!
And it finished too. gThis league is a sort of preparatory league for the ODT and such, where known and less-known players face each other. The cool part here was that ToSsGirl attended this event. Who cares about the rest? Yea, some players won, some others lost, that’s the coverage, ok? Yes ok, calm down, I will add a pic of Tossgirl here, too!
ShinHan Masters Tournament
This event is sponsored by the ShinHan Bank, so the prizes are very nice. Very nice! No, really, very nice! We have sAviOr, NaDa, Casy and IriS, battling out for a – you probably know it – very nice prize. I would like sAviOr to „yawn rape” them all, but that’s just me (NaDa just „yawn raped” sAviOr with the same score he lost in the OSL final, 3-1; god damn, sAviOr, you’ve been a naught boy! You deserve to be punished *whiplash*). Notice that there is no Protoss involved in the big boys tournament. Well, it figures: would you let a person like Bisu with that kind of haircut? He couldn’t even fit into that space chamber thingy!
New StarCraft utility: Auto-join channel
nT.storm claims to have made a new SC utility (he probably shot and burried the actual creator) that will make you auto-join (yea, what’s the idea with the title?) a channel. I suggest they update the utility with „auto-join porn site”. Oh, wait, that’s called „home page.”
GGSL round 2
The second round of the GosuGamers StarLeague came to pass, with results as obvious as a cat eating Whiskas. The only surprise I see is Arcneon being sodomized by GohaN, just like Ptak did to Dreiven. I mean, that’s something I wasn’t expecting. Other than that, Androide seems to be in shape, and that makes me wonder if he knows the meaning of the word “slump”.
Special
OK, that’s about as much as I found interesting the past week, but I don’t think all this can be a match for the “solid gold bar” that I found over at TeamLiquid.net:
[During 2v2 Proleague]
yellowAlly Chat KTF:
Yellow: they are massing in the midd--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: go go counter at 6 o'clo--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: help they comi--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: he--
Reach: REACH!
Yellow: i--
Reach: REACH!
Ally Chat SKT1:
Boxer: interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terran's variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes
Iloveoov: oov like banana. you give oov banana. oov macro. oov win.
Boxer: please time your build order to coincide with mine.
Iloveoov: macro?
And one more question in the end: a high templar is the one that is addicted to pot??
Final words
Well, I hope you enjoyed this first, but certainly not last column of mine. I expect some feedback, so, if you liked it, spare a few moments to tell me that. Yours truly, vhallee.
KeSPA News
KeSPA says: sAviOr (team CJ Entus), the man who is known as the maestro, is the greatest player of 2006. Yes, he is. I think he watched that Bruce Lee interview too many times: “Water can flow, or it can crash. Be water, my friend!” He’s too god damn consistent, what can you do?
Hullah wins BW4Ever Finals
This Polish Zerg from Templars of Twilight defeated MYM.SEn in the BW4Ever finals with a flawless 3-0 score (SEn, you deserve a big spanking for this!), after defeating MYM.Testie in the semi-finals and LRM)ReasoN in the quarter-finals. GG Hullah!
GosuGamers launches GGSL
The guys at GosuGamers.net did it again! Another feature with their tag on it shows they mean business. This time they set up a sort of non-Korean star-league, with 32 players. It sounds good, it looks good and it is good. With the “player recycling” system, the league will ensure fresh blood each season. I didn’t signup so I wouldn’t rape those newbs.
Draco on Korean TV
Do you remember that Protoss from Poland? He uses the account name Draco, and he left to Korea, as the team OGN Sparkyz hired a hypnotist to get him. (At least, that’s what I think). He appeared on Airang TV, a Korean TV, where he talked about what is it like to be a pro-gamer. After all that time spent in Korea, I have only one question for him: do you use those chopsticks or they let you use the fork?
StarCraft: Dark Templar #1: Firstborn is out!
Blizzplanet announced that the first book from the trilogy will be available starting with May 2007. Good news for all the StarCraft maniacs indeed. Except for the fact that no one will buy it.
KeSPA Cup #2
The KeSPA Cup results have been quite funny: Yellow[ArnC] all-killed team eSTRO, Luxury[GsP] all-killed KTF, n.Die_Chalrenge all-killed Samsung Khan. The top teams SKT and KTF got KO’d, CJ Entus got raped by SKT’s 2nd team. The KeSPA finals had its recent rivals, OGN and MBC! Oh, the irony! These 2 teams could have made a good joke and not show up!
BOSS without a SC team
With the best players from BOSS leaving to Excello, the German team decided to wave good-bye. Yup, no more StarCraft for them! But then GoR joined, and now they were kicked. That should teach them a lesson! Who? I dunno. Do you know?
Artosis wins the Hampton offline tournament
Artosis[Media] received $1200 for winning the New Hampshire StarCraft tournament. G5 was second and Corbalt was third. Tasteless got a weak-ass place 4. I bet he shoutcasted every match he played WHEN he played them: “And now, my mutas are harassing the Terran’s base, OH MY GOD, superb micro by me!”
ToT signs with Razer
The Templars got Razer as their new sponsor, which also means that the clan will be provided with gaming gear. Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t see them being sponsored by Always (that’s tampons, man, tampons!), or Orbit. Just think about the ads a ToT player would do: “When I have an important match but I’m in a “difficult” period of the month, I use Always so I can concentrate on my micro. I recommend this to all gamers!” OR “Before I discovered Orbit, I used to smile on chat only like this “”. But this new product, I always use “:D” in channels. Thank you, Orbit!”
Beckham is looking for team for West server
Soccer? WTF no! Beckham is a very good Zerg player from China. But enough about this. I would like to see his ad in a matrimonial magazine: “Ji Wen Jun, 21, China, Zerg, looking for team, west, good. Seriousness, please.” I should probably disguise myself as a team and get him; after that I will transform him into my sexual slave.
The Ultimate Race
SuperFight take 5 started, this time with sAviOr, NaDa and Bisu already seeded. The other 6 (2 players per race) will be picked from votes. I can already see players with voting strategies, from “Vote for me!” to “Hey, you! Who, me? Yea, you. What? Come here, I got something for you. Here, take this can of rice for free, but remember: it is ***** who made it possible!
GG.net’s Carrier has a sponsor
GG.net signed with Emsisoft and these guys said they will provide the first 30 players with anti-malware. Great, can’t wait to see the new season with sponsorship. It’s just that I still wait for the HappyMeal sponsorship and the l’Oreal sponsorship. Now, THAT would attract players!
Pantech EX dismembered
The Pantech EX leader declared he will dismiss the team because of financial disappointments. He says he received offers, but few/(none) were actually meaning business. Well, now: you have NaDa, the player that grabs a fat salary, and you cry that the team is not worth it. Well, mister “I do whatTHEFUCKever I want with my team”, with this way of thinking, you’re going to be a very successful business man. Try selling the team to the local Mafia: Mob.NaDa sounds good, huh?
sataNik wins Samsung Tour 2007
The Greek veteran xLo.sataNik just won the Samsung Tour 2007, beating outekan (2nd place) and xLo.crack (3rd place). Some people just don’t know when to quit. Oh, in case of sataNik that’s a good thing. Keep it up, old man, I dare you!
37 new pro-gamers for the Korean scene
In fact, 50 new pro-gamers are to play on the big boys’ playground.kor It’s just that 37 of them have already been selected, whil the other 13 will arrive in the other half of 2007. If it’s like in the army, they will probably start the pro-gaming activity with some healthy activities, such as: scrubbing the toilet with the personal toothbrush, cutting 600kg of potatoes per day, measuring the side of the room with a lighter: „Start scrubbing the toilet, soldier...aaa, I mean gamer! Yes, Sir! Proceeding!”
Ashur leaves BWTV
It appears that Ashur has been sick and tired of Blizzard’s „attention”, so he wrote an article that could be easily restricted to „Fuck it, I’m outta here!”. This is news most sad, as this guy did a lot of work for the community, and I personally salute his accomplishments. Since Blizzard didn’t want to hire him and his team, he could either invest his money into a hot-dog stand, or he could go orange picking in Spain.
PSL started!
And it finished too. gThis league is a sort of preparatory league for the ODT and such, where known and less-known players face each other. The cool part here was that ToSsGirl attended this event. Who cares about the rest? Yea, some players won, some others lost, that’s the coverage, ok? Yes ok, calm down, I will add a pic of Tossgirl here, too!
ShinHan Masters Tournament
This event is sponsored by the ShinHan Bank, so the prizes are very nice. Very nice! No, really, very nice! We have sAviOr, NaDa, Casy and IriS, battling out for a – you probably know it – very nice prize. I would like sAviOr to „yawn rape” them all, but that’s just me (NaDa just „yawn raped” sAviOr with the same score he lost in the OSL final, 3-1; god damn, sAviOr, you’ve been a naught boy! You deserve to be punished *whiplash*). Notice that there is no Protoss involved in the big boys tournament. Well, it figures: would you let a person like Bisu with that kind of haircut? He couldn’t even fit into that space chamber thingy!
New StarCraft utility: Auto-join channel
nT.storm claims to have made a new SC utility (he probably shot and burried the actual creator) that will make you auto-join (yea, what’s the idea with the title?) a channel. I suggest they update the utility with „auto-join porn site”. Oh, wait, that’s called „home page.”
GGSL round 2
The second round of the GosuGamers StarLeague came to pass, with results as obvious as a cat eating Whiskas. The only surprise I see is Arcneon being sodomized by GohaN, just like Ptak did to Dreiven. I mean, that’s something I wasn’t expecting. Other than that, Androide seems to be in shape, and that makes me wonder if he knows the meaning of the word “slump”.
Special
OK, that’s about as much as I found interesting the past week, but I don’t think all this can be a match for the “solid gold bar” that I found over at TeamLiquid.net:
[During 2v2 Proleague]
yellowAlly Chat KTF:
Yellow: they are massing in the midd--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: go go counter at 6 o'clo--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: help they comi--
Reach: I AM REACH!
Yellow: he--
Reach: REACH!
Yellow: i--
Reach: REACH!
Ally Chat SKT1:
Boxer: interplanatar interaction is pivotal to terran's variety of optionitudals in the pre-midgame preperatories as well as the protosstinal deterriggation of elite zergling strikes
Iloveoov: oov like banana. you give oov banana. oov macro. oov win.
Boxer: please time your build order to coincide with mine.
Iloveoov: macro?
And one more question in the end: a high templar is the one that is addicted to pot??
Final words
Well, I hope you enjoyed this first, but certainly not last column of mine. I expect some feedback, so, if you liked it, spare a few moments to tell me that. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/232.html - column #2
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 19.03 – 26.03
ShinHan Masters: NaDa wins
With NaDa, IriS, Casy and sAviOr as the 4 semifinalists, the tournament was most expected. The semifinal results looked like this: NaDa > IriS and sAviOr > Casy. The grand final between NaDa and sAviOr enden in the Zerg’s favor not. With a 3-1 score, NaDa stated a “back at ya, biatch!” if we remember the OSL final. MYM also has the VODs in case you want to see sAviOr getting but-f***ed with no lubricant. After all that effort with sAviOr’s ass, NaDa actually cried. He said something like he didn’t, but the truth is out: he cried like a baby. Simple as that.
FragBet League # 2
Eight teams competed for the title this week, with the results so predictable, that this piece of news could actually ruin my god damn column: DkH 4 – 0 CDS, LRM 4 – 0 inF, ToT 4 – 2 xLo, MYM 4 – 3 MgZ.
Inneoov goes to MgZ
Great! Who is inneoov?
OGN/MBC vs KeSPA/IEG is back
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they’re back! It’s like some sort of sequel that we never liked in the first place: “Jean Claude van Damme is back in the same crap you’ve seen over and over and over again.” With all those fights going on between these two parts, they should all send their boss (that would be 4 old dudes) battling it out in a ring filled with shit. Since they like to talk shit one to another… Read more about this in two contributions by vhallee and Dendra.
Ultimate Race players are set
The SuperFight #5 hosts a 9 player tournament to decide the “ultimate race”. With sAviOr, NaDa and Bisu already seeded, we now have: JulyZerg and GoRush (Zerg), iloveoov and Midas (Terran), Nal_rA and AnyTime (Protoss). This is obviously the hand of some Protoss lovers, as this will probably the only tournament where we’ll get to see the same amount of tosses.3 And one more thing: GoRush was replaced by JaeDonG, due to the officials’ votes. Now let’s think about GoRush for a moment: he gets seeded – yeee! – he gets refused – damn! If I were him, I would hire some guys to “take care” of JaeDonG.
Besides that, the maps for this event have been announced: Geometry looks like a Peaks of Baekdu/ chess in space combination (and in case you didn’t know, I HATE Peaks, and I hope I will be branded the “Peaks of Baekdu hater”); Monty Hall looks like a blue va*** [censored] (and I think I said it all); Nemesis looks like Blade Storm’s evil twin that the parents kept hidden until now. The last one looks like a GG provider since the good twin used to do that. As for the other two, I am deeply sorry, but I’m fresh out of worship words.
a2 and S2 become LyrA
It’s been a long time since we heard anything from Mother Russia. Well, besides Putin, I mean.4 With both a2 and S2 broken and inactive, something had to be done: By your powers combined, I am Captain Pla… aaa… I am Team Lyra! They hope to bring back the Russian scene into view. I remember the Pimpest Plays 04 – “Marine Shock Squadron”, with Tratoss[S2] doing some crazy shit micro that got me mentally ill for some time. Never, I mean NEVER do I want to see the Russians playing again! I remember those hospital bills again, oh shit!
QPad League announces first 10 teams
QPad offered to sponsor a tourney with € 1000, and so they started working. The first 10 teams are ToT, DkH, xLo, iG, LighT, LRM, MYM, MgZ, Media and CDS. There are 22 more slots to be taken, with 2 of them to be taken through a tourney, while the other 20 will be invited. In fact, 32 teams look like a fucking crowd, but hey, who am I to judge, right?
WGTCL season 15
The WGTour Clan League is now in season 15. This event brings the best teams around the world besides South Korea and probably some islands in the French Polynesia. Now they put up some new rules, by installing playoffs at the end of each season. The teams that get 2nd and 3rd will play a CW consisting of 4x1v1 and 1x2v2 (love them math symbols). Another change is related to the 2v2 Disconnections, whereas from now on players are encouraged to solve the issue among them. This only means one thing: WGTour has a contract with the wrestling industry.
Avaton Tournament #3
The 3rd edition of this tournament is to be a 2v2 format, with new maps from the amateur map makers. The idea here is to promote the map making community, by providing each tournament with 2 new maps. I might put a joke in the “Avaton Tournament #4”…
PGR21 Tournament Part 2
This tournament brings together only the crème de la crème, mes amis (Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?). With players such as Mondragon, Pj, Draco, Tempest or ogogo (by studying the position of the Moon and Sun I have found out that ogogo will win or he will not win), everyone’s looking forward to it. Don’t know why, but I have a feeling the Koreans will rape once more the “intruders”, just for the fucking fun of it. So, unless my crystal ball is broken, you know who to bet on; just don’t come crying to me if you lose your house on that bet.
Boxer in LA Times
Basically, LA Times featured an article on SlayerS_`BoxeR`, or Lim Yo-Hwan, and his major impact on pro-gaming.b Now that Boxer is in the Army we might think he would cover himself with a coat of fog. Yet he still plays from the Airforce and he’s doing a great job.
Well now, everything Boxer does is a major event. We should expect headlines like: “Incredible! Boxer just bought himself a pair of pink thongs for personal usage!” or “Boxer declares in exclusivity that he has never eaten soup while standing on his forehead!”
LanCraft in Czech Republic
The 2007 edition of the LanCraft event will cover StarCraft and another game that ends in Craft too, I don’t remember its name… anyway, and the thing is that this LAN party will bring together some well-known players and some “average-Joe” players. This is also an opportunity to come and kick some known-player-that-i-hate ass. I mean literally, if you can’t force him to GG.
DreamHack ticket release
DreamHack is the world’s biggest LANParty, and starting with now, they give tickets. I love the name, cause it’s says it all. I can see myself asking a ticket: “Yes, hello, I would like a ticket for the StarCraft section. / Ok, the hack or no-hack section? / Hack, please, in the mineral hack section. If there are no more tickets there, give me a seat in the map-hack section.”
GitM wins the BWML
GitM won the final against hOpe with a 4-1 score. The next season will feature teams from around the world, which is supposed to be the proof that this is not an American-only league. This would normally not be very important news, but I have to commend the one that came up with the name: Brood War Massacre League. Too much Chuck Norris, son.
WGT GC: Sweden defeats Hungary
After Hungary lost to Ukraine, it was time for Sweden to defeat Hungary. It’s like taking turns in raping the Hungarians, which is not that bad. They must have done something mean in their past lives.
FragBet League #3
MYM vs ToT: 4 – 2; inF vs CDS: 4 – 2; xLo vs DkH: 4 – 1; LRM vs MgZ: 4 – 2. Probably the biggest surprise came from MeetYourMakers, who defeated the Templars of Twilight with a 4 – 2 score. The other results were pretty obvious, except maybe for the inF vs CDS match. The sheer lack of jokes here is overwhelming.
USA B Qualification Tournament
Xeris[LighT] is the new leader of the USA B Team, and he organized a 32-man tournament in order to bring it back to life. The final was a PvP mirror match between Hap[LighT] (winner) and gH-Valentine (not the winner). NokCha-v- was there too, you might know him by his drawings that bring a drop of joy to us all. He failed miserably, but hey, nobody’s perfect! Just keep drawing dude! I also have some ideas; in case you see this, message me, I’m your biggest fan, I have all your albums!
Entropy’s top 3 StarCraft-based sites
Over at yellowchrome.org, Argentina Entropy selected the best three StarCraft sites, while considering criteria such as content, activity or reliability. Sites like MYM.com (yes, this is the site you are right now), GG.net or TL.net were mentioned, which is not that strange, as we all know how important they are for the community. Doc, I only posted this because I have a tremendous respect for you. Oh, and because others have a tremendous respect for you too. You’re a man of the community…
Project Revolution with 2 more videos
I hope you all know what Project Revolution is… of course you don’t know; that’s why I will recap: it’s a …Craft III mod designed to make StarCraft 3D. The idea is very bold and it looks nice, even though it isn’t finished. We’re all waiting for detailed graphics: a Firebat cooking a sausage, a Marine with insulin shots, a Zergling taking a shit, a Queen making babies, a Zealot watching a game at an Observer, and the list could go on.
Bonus
There’s this guy that kept crying about taking him into the crew (his nick is Dendra, what a whiner) and he wrote (I prefer saying “brutally copied after one of my blogs” because I am jealous beast) a statement concerning the actual situation with the Korean pro-gaming scene. “It would be ironic that the ones that rocketed bw into sky now turn into it's downfall.” – I liked that, it really hit the spot. (Ahhh, that’s the stuff!)
That’s it for this week. I’m pretty sad that there weren’t as many news; most of them were hard to work with, so basically this week was mostly informative, less funny. At least I hope you enjoyed this week’s column.
ShinHan Masters: NaDa wins
With NaDa, IriS, Casy and sAviOr as the 4 semifinalists, the tournament was most expected. The semifinal results looked like this: NaDa > IriS and sAviOr > Casy. The grand final between NaDa and sAviOr enden in the Zerg’s favor not. With a 3-1 score, NaDa stated a “back at ya, biatch!” if we remember the OSL final. MYM also has the VODs in case you want to see sAviOr getting but-f***ed with no lubricant. After all that effort with sAviOr’s ass, NaDa actually cried. He said something like he didn’t, but the truth is out: he cried like a baby. Simple as that.
FragBet League # 2
Eight teams competed for the title this week, with the results so predictable, that this piece of news could actually ruin my god damn column: DkH 4 – 0 CDS, LRM 4 – 0 inF, ToT 4 – 2 xLo, MYM 4 – 3 MgZ.
Inneoov goes to MgZ
Great! Who is inneoov?
OGN/MBC vs KeSPA/IEG is back
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, they’re back! It’s like some sort of sequel that we never liked in the first place: “Jean Claude van Damme is back in the same crap you’ve seen over and over and over again.” With all those fights going on between these two parts, they should all send their boss (that would be 4 old dudes) battling it out in a ring filled with shit. Since they like to talk shit one to another… Read more about this in two contributions by vhallee and Dendra.
Ultimate Race players are set
The SuperFight #5 hosts a 9 player tournament to decide the “ultimate race”. With sAviOr, NaDa and Bisu already seeded, we now have: JulyZerg and GoRush (Zerg), iloveoov and Midas (Terran), Nal_rA and AnyTime (Protoss). This is obviously the hand of some Protoss lovers, as this will probably the only tournament where we’ll get to see the same amount of tosses.3 And one more thing: GoRush was replaced by JaeDonG, due to the officials’ votes. Now let’s think about GoRush for a moment: he gets seeded – yeee! – he gets refused – damn! If I were him, I would hire some guys to “take care” of JaeDonG.
Besides that, the maps for this event have been announced: Geometry looks like a Peaks of Baekdu/ chess in space combination (and in case you didn’t know, I HATE Peaks, and I hope I will be branded the “Peaks of Baekdu hater”); Monty Hall looks like a blue va*** [censored] (and I think I said it all); Nemesis looks like Blade Storm’s evil twin that the parents kept hidden until now. The last one looks like a GG provider since the good twin used to do that. As for the other two, I am deeply sorry, but I’m fresh out of worship words.
a2 and S2 become LyrA
It’s been a long time since we heard anything from Mother Russia. Well, besides Putin, I mean.4 With both a2 and S2 broken and inactive, something had to be done: By your powers combined, I am Captain Pla… aaa… I am Team Lyra! They hope to bring back the Russian scene into view. I remember the Pimpest Plays 04 – “Marine Shock Squadron”, with Tratoss[S2] doing some crazy shit micro that got me mentally ill for some time. Never, I mean NEVER do I want to see the Russians playing again! I remember those hospital bills again, oh shit!
QPad League announces first 10 teams
QPad offered to sponsor a tourney with € 1000, and so they started working. The first 10 teams are ToT, DkH, xLo, iG, LighT, LRM, MYM, MgZ, Media and CDS. There are 22 more slots to be taken, with 2 of them to be taken through a tourney, while the other 20 will be invited. In fact, 32 teams look like a fucking crowd, but hey, who am I to judge, right?
WGTCL season 15
The WGTour Clan League is now in season 15. This event brings the best teams around the world besides South Korea and probably some islands in the French Polynesia. Now they put up some new rules, by installing playoffs at the end of each season. The teams that get 2nd and 3rd will play a CW consisting of 4x1v1 and 1x2v2 (love them math symbols). Another change is related to the 2v2 Disconnections, whereas from now on players are encouraged to solve the issue among them. This only means one thing: WGTour has a contract with the wrestling industry.
Avaton Tournament #3
The 3rd edition of this tournament is to be a 2v2 format, with new maps from the amateur map makers. The idea here is to promote the map making community, by providing each tournament with 2 new maps. I might put a joke in the “Avaton Tournament #4”…
PGR21 Tournament Part 2
This tournament brings together only the crème de la crème, mes amis (Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?). With players such as Mondragon, Pj, Draco, Tempest or ogogo (by studying the position of the Moon and Sun I have found out that ogogo will win or he will not win), everyone’s looking forward to it. Don’t know why, but I have a feeling the Koreans will rape once more the “intruders”, just for the fucking fun of it. So, unless my crystal ball is broken, you know who to bet on; just don’t come crying to me if you lose your house on that bet.
Boxer in LA Times
Basically, LA Times featured an article on SlayerS_`BoxeR`, or Lim Yo-Hwan, and his major impact on pro-gaming.b Now that Boxer is in the Army we might think he would cover himself with a coat of fog. Yet he still plays from the Airforce and he’s doing a great job.
Well now, everything Boxer does is a major event. We should expect headlines like: “Incredible! Boxer just bought himself a pair of pink thongs for personal usage!” or “Boxer declares in exclusivity that he has never eaten soup while standing on his forehead!”
LanCraft in Czech Republic
The 2007 edition of the LanCraft event will cover StarCraft and another game that ends in Craft too, I don’t remember its name… anyway, and the thing is that this LAN party will bring together some well-known players and some “average-Joe” players. This is also an opportunity to come and kick some known-player-that-i-hate ass. I mean literally, if you can’t force him to GG.
DreamHack ticket release
DreamHack is the world’s biggest LANParty, and starting with now, they give tickets. I love the name, cause it’s says it all. I can see myself asking a ticket: “Yes, hello, I would like a ticket for the StarCraft section. / Ok, the hack or no-hack section? / Hack, please, in the mineral hack section. If there are no more tickets there, give me a seat in the map-hack section.”
GitM wins the BWML
GitM won the final against hOpe with a 4-1 score. The next season will feature teams from around the world, which is supposed to be the proof that this is not an American-only league. This would normally not be very important news, but I have to commend the one that came up with the name: Brood War Massacre League. Too much Chuck Norris, son.
WGT GC: Sweden defeats Hungary
After Hungary lost to Ukraine, it was time for Sweden to defeat Hungary. It’s like taking turns in raping the Hungarians, which is not that bad. They must have done something mean in their past lives.
FragBet League #3
MYM vs ToT: 4 – 2; inF vs CDS: 4 – 2; xLo vs DkH: 4 – 1; LRM vs MgZ: 4 – 2. Probably the biggest surprise came from MeetYourMakers, who defeated the Templars of Twilight with a 4 – 2 score. The other results were pretty obvious, except maybe for the inF vs CDS match. The sheer lack of jokes here is overwhelming.
USA B Qualification Tournament
Xeris[LighT] is the new leader of the USA B Team, and he organized a 32-man tournament in order to bring it back to life. The final was a PvP mirror match between Hap[LighT] (winner) and gH-Valentine (not the winner). NokCha-v- was there too, you might know him by his drawings that bring a drop of joy to us all. He failed miserably, but hey, nobody’s perfect! Just keep drawing dude! I also have some ideas; in case you see this, message me, I’m your biggest fan, I have all your albums!
Entropy’s top 3 StarCraft-based sites
Over at yellowchrome.org, Argentina Entropy selected the best three StarCraft sites, while considering criteria such as content, activity or reliability. Sites like MYM.com (yes, this is the site you are right now), GG.net or TL.net were mentioned, which is not that strange, as we all know how important they are for the community. Doc, I only posted this because I have a tremendous respect for you. Oh, and because others have a tremendous respect for you too. You’re a man of the community…
Project Revolution with 2 more videos
I hope you all know what Project Revolution is… of course you don’t know; that’s why I will recap: it’s a …Craft III mod designed to make StarCraft 3D. The idea is very bold and it looks nice, even though it isn’t finished. We’re all waiting for detailed graphics: a Firebat cooking a sausage, a Marine with insulin shots, a Zergling taking a shit, a Queen making babies, a Zealot watching a game at an Observer, and the list could go on.
Bonus
There’s this guy that kept crying about taking him into the crew (his nick is Dendra, what a whiner) and he wrote (I prefer saying “brutally copied after one of my blogs” because I am jealous beast) a statement concerning the actual situation with the Korean pro-gaming scene. “It would be ironic that the ones that rocketed bw into sky now turn into it's downfall.” – I liked that, it really hit the spot. (Ahhh, that’s the stuff!)
That’s it for this week. I’m pretty sad that there weren’t as many news; most of them were hard to work with, so basically this week was mostly informative, less funny. At least I hope you enjoyed this week’s column.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/240.html - column #3
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 27.03 – 01.04.
Entropy: "A new Ladder"
Physician wrote at SCLegacy.com something about a new ladder system that should be the start of a "ladder revolution".scl The big deal here is that the guys in charge of this are going to build it from scratch (I don't understand where this expression came from). Well now, I think I should say "I'll believe it when I see it", simply because I'm a bit tired of all those "ladder revolutions". Although this is a great idea, I don't want to spend money right now on fireworks, cakes and funny hats to greet the new ladder. Hear that, guys that manage this "phantom ladder"? I'm waiting... Read more!
Excello picks up Gohan and Fabian
Team Excello just announced that they have a new addition to their ranks. A new addition consisting of a duo. A duo consisting of 2 players. 2 players from Poland.
Bartar: "Do you, Gohan and Fabian, take this team, Excello, to be your lawful wedded team, to respect and cherish it, for better and worse, thru winning and losing streaks, until something else will do you apart?"
Gohan&Fabian: "We do."
Bartar: "By the power invested in me, I hereby declare you Excello players. You may now kiss me."
Gohan&Fabian: "(thinking of a hot threesome action) Oh yeah!"
"They perfectly fit our moto, our lifestyle, our structure, and most of all, our position in the community." - Bartar. See, what did I tell you? And he's not talking about gaming here. Read more!
PG24 featuring Mireille
The title sounds like a shitty remix of an even shittier "13 in a dozen" R&B hits - yo man - but anyway, back to the story: Mireille has been the special host for PG24. He talked about the global warming, the wars in Iraq, the third world countries' situation. They failed to put up a common-sense conversation, so they switched to StarCraft. After some talking, Mireille then proceeded with a sort of showmatch. When that ended, he got into a "Question and Answer" session with the public. I don't know the questions, but I could take a guess. Well, I think that some of the fanatic Mireille fans asked about his favorite colors, his di... shoe size, or his favorite soap opera. The interesting thing here might be his answers, which I don't know, unfortunately. But I guess he held an autographs session later on, tits autographs that is... Read more!
PGT I - VI replay pack
What's so good about this news that I decided to take into account? The reason it is so good is because it brings back memories. Any human being that knows about Co*a-C*la or McDon*lds (I'm not advertising mainly because I hate them, not because I'm objective), should know about PGTour (I recently saw a bus in my city with the "PagiTour" inscription and I almost wet myself) and what was done with it. FrozenArbiter decided to put up for download about 100Mb of replays containing...him! In that replay pack there are some gosus in the making, as well as some gosus in the leaving. It's nice to see where PGT started, it's good as a lesson for all those "world-changing" ladders, and it would be nicer if I could finish this sentence with a joke. And I will try: back in the days when it was the best of the best, the PGT slogan should have been "We are PGT. Resistance is futile." Read more!
PGR21 Quarterfinals
PGR21 has a beautiful and delicious tournament in which the quality is the dominant word. I could praise the PGR21 team a lot, but that would mean for some of you that I'm aiming their ass hol*s with my tongue. Anyways, this tournament has reached the quarterfinals and we still have two non-Korean players alive. Not to mention that Draco has defeated the nefarious ogogo, former WCG champ. After a long losing streak against the South-Koreans, Draco manages to get a notable win. So what are his stats now, 1-200? Read more!
New AI script released
Gigant posted on Blizzforums.com that a new AI script was launched for the masses: "At last, my greatest creation is completed!" (Dexter's Laboratory, for those with less culture). With nice features and nicer match-ups, this AI hopes to be a decent opponent. Well, I'm sure the computer will be a decent opponent for the first three matches, when I will learn 'his', ah I mean, 'its' strategies, but anyways... and now, the computer has gosu names too: you can rape NaDa, July, Reach, or TossGirl (easy with that imagination) as much as you want, and in the end they would say GG. But if I lose, do I have to say that, too? Cause I'm a sore looser. Read more!
ToT LAN #7 in Germany
ToT announced they will hold a new LAN in Germany, with more than just a PC LAN. They say they offer football and paintball matches, too. That's lame in my opinion; they don't know what the public really wants: some big-breasted blondes fighting in a chocolate-filled ring, a farting and/or burping contest, some jackass-like stuntmen, and the list could go on, don't worry about that. I say they keep in mind these free details from me, and let's hope for a "dreamy" next ToT LAN. Read more!
Up and Coming II results
This tournament has GosuGamers.net written all over it, since they're the ones who actually created it, so it's not that bad, right? The concept here is to let in some less-known players, so that we can have a look at the underground BW gaming scene. I can actually imagine a group of players meeting in secrecy in a graveyard, plugging in the networks, and going "1v1 msg me". Read more!
MistrZZZ wins ProPlay Cup
This guy is on fire (watch the picture!)... seriously, give me that bucket, quick! Although I kinda hate him because I find him to be an arrogant... whatever..., he managed to sodomize some gosu asses: EX, Pj and White-Ra felt MistrZZZ's... let's say wrath, so I won't say dick. Although he may be arrogant, or without a social life (a vegetable plugged into a computer) his skill is undeniable. I, for one, couldn't imagine he would go that far, but that arrogant... whatever..., did it, just to piss me off. I know it's because of me. One more thing: no, he does not know who the hell I am. Read more!
WGTour Galactic Conquest: RUS > SWE
What did the Russians say when they defeated the Swedish? "All your base are belong to us", naturally. Russian Fede- > Sweden Read more!
Excello adds Beckham to their roster
So someone actually answered Beckham's cries, and that someone is not just someone, it's someone called Excello. I hope they live happily ever after, with great children, Beckhcello and Exckham. By the way: have you ever noticed that players with the stupidest nicks get to rule? I mean, come on, JulyZerg? Anytime? Iloveoov? No one knows who the f*ck is oov! Ilovebanana would sound better, if you remember a specific part from one of my previous columns... Read more!
Biggest moments in pro-gaming
The only reason I chose this is because it had two spots reserved for StarCraft. This is the good news; the bad news is that they chose some of the most non-"biggest moments in pro-gaming". Maybe they are trying to sabotage us, by showing some crappy moments to say that SC sucks. See, that's what happens when you put a vampire next to a big-breasted blonde: it sucks. Read more!
Draco joins Excello
Gohan, Fabian, Beckham, and now Draco joined Team Excello. "Oops, I think I did it again!"ex That's what Bartar might have said when he convinced Draco to join his forces. This little rascal got his hands on a very powerful weapon. Kept hidden by a mad scientist in a dark basement, this weapon was called Draco. The mad scientist feared that his invention - a weapon designed to bring the Korean pro-gamers to their knees - might be stolen, so he placed it inside a Polish little boy that no one will suspect. Apparently, there were two problems: the boy started playing StarCraft, and he did face the Koreans, but he lost, so there's a leak in his system. Anyway, Draco 1.01 seems to be compatible to the non-Korean systems. Wait for further updates. Read more!
MBC Preliminaries: BoxeR's back
The 24 group winners were revealed, with some nice surprises too. Among them, we have our beloved Boxer (no, we won't show you picture 2312094 of him here!), who still doesn't know when to quit and let others win. He won group 23 and he is seeded for the next stage. Another, let's say, "interesting" thing is that we have an ex-WarCraft III champ. Who let that guy in? That poor thing was lost from his group and you tricked him, you meanies! What has become of this world? Read more!
Carrier Beta is closed
The Carrier Beta is not open. What a weak joke! Sorry! Read more!
SuperFight #5: Round 1
SuperFight is a Race vs Race tournament, where the "Ultimate Race" will be determined. For now, the Protoss race seems to be doing better than the others, with the highest score. Eh, we all know what the best race is, and I will tell you; I will also tell you who shot Kennedy: the criminal is *gunshot* *gasp*. Read more!
FragBet League Week 4
This week, we saw some of the best teams fighting again for supremacy, this time with an interesting result that I want to mark, simply because it surprised me: MYM defeated ToT with a 4-2 score. Mondragon and his ilk got bruised by some ex-ToT members. Talk about irony... Read more!
xLo wins the Rymarov LANCraft 2007
Again Excello! xLo general, Bartar, sent his minions, Draco, Gohan and Fabian to the LANCraft with one thing in mind, but I don't know what were they thinking, what the fukc! They completely steamrolled the others; they came, they saw, they conquered them all! Simple as that. Don't read more!
KeSPA Ranking: April
This month's rankings are here: we have sAviOr still on the top of the mountain, although he plays like shit right now, NaDa is second, and IriS third. The nice part here is that we have two players that climbed 10 spots! That is right, Pusan (6th) and JaeDonG (10th), are the ones to blame. You see, this is the ideal TeleShopping example: "with the new ******** (not available in stores cause it's a piece of shit) I got 10 spots in the KeSPA rankings. Call now and get yours!" KeSPA: "Probably the best ranking in the world." And hey, Raistlin, we miss the KeSPA news and the current GG.net ranking news on your page - come on! Read more!
NaDa highlight video
I just saw the NaDa highlight video. What's a highlight video? Well kids, it's when a player shows how much he can embarrass his opponents with unconventional moves, making the commentators scream like they're in some sort of mating season, with some of them dying after the game from heart attacks. I watched this video simply because I don't have heart conditions; if you don't have either, go see it. For the other ones, I can only say "Don't worry, there's no sugar!" You will die in 7 days after this video. Or 8? Or was that 10? Read more!
Bonus
This week had something special in it: April's Fool. Some sites had some ideas, some didn't. The one with GoogleGamers was rather unimpressive in my opinion, while the one from TeamLiquid was a piece of gold with the highest rating from the past six months. I mean, the banner, dude, the banner! Now that's comedy right there!
I hope you enjoyed this week's column as much as I enjoyed doing it. I hope to have some more spare time, because I intent on doing something more here. Anyways thanks for your time!
Yours truly, vhallee.
Entropy: "A new Ladder"
Physician wrote at SCLegacy.com something about a new ladder system that should be the start of a "ladder revolution".scl The big deal here is that the guys in charge of this are going to build it from scratch (I don't understand where this expression came from). Well now, I think I should say "I'll believe it when I see it", simply because I'm a bit tired of all those "ladder revolutions". Although this is a great idea, I don't want to spend money right now on fireworks, cakes and funny hats to greet the new ladder. Hear that, guys that manage this "phantom ladder"? I'm waiting... Read more!
Excello picks up Gohan and Fabian
Team Excello just announced that they have a new addition to their ranks. A new addition consisting of a duo. A duo consisting of 2 players. 2 players from Poland.
Bartar: "Do you, Gohan and Fabian, take this team, Excello, to be your lawful wedded team, to respect and cherish it, for better and worse, thru winning and losing streaks, until something else will do you apart?"
Gohan&Fabian: "We do."
Bartar: "By the power invested in me, I hereby declare you Excello players. You may now kiss me."
Gohan&Fabian: "(thinking of a hot threesome action) Oh yeah!"
"They perfectly fit our moto, our lifestyle, our structure, and most of all, our position in the community." - Bartar. See, what did I tell you? And he's not talking about gaming here. Read more!
PG24 featuring Mireille
The title sounds like a shitty remix of an even shittier "13 in a dozen" R&B hits - yo man - but anyway, back to the story: Mireille has been the special host for PG24. He talked about the global warming, the wars in Iraq, the third world countries' situation. They failed to put up a common-sense conversation, so they switched to StarCraft. After some talking, Mireille then proceeded with a sort of showmatch. When that ended, he got into a "Question and Answer" session with the public. I don't know the questions, but I could take a guess. Well, I think that some of the fanatic Mireille fans asked about his favorite colors, his di... shoe size, or his favorite soap opera. The interesting thing here might be his answers, which I don't know, unfortunately. But I guess he held an autographs session later on, tits autographs that is... Read more!
PGT I - VI replay pack
What's so good about this news that I decided to take into account? The reason it is so good is because it brings back memories. Any human being that knows about Co*a-C*la or McDon*lds (I'm not advertising mainly because I hate them, not because I'm objective), should know about PGTour (I recently saw a bus in my city with the "PagiTour" inscription and I almost wet myself) and what was done with it. FrozenArbiter decided to put up for download about 100Mb of replays containing...him! In that replay pack there are some gosus in the making, as well as some gosus in the leaving. It's nice to see where PGT started, it's good as a lesson for all those "world-changing" ladders, and it would be nicer if I could finish this sentence with a joke. And I will try: back in the days when it was the best of the best, the PGT slogan should have been "We are PGT. Resistance is futile." Read more!
PGR21 Quarterfinals
PGR21 has a beautiful and delicious tournament in which the quality is the dominant word. I could praise the PGR21 team a lot, but that would mean for some of you that I'm aiming their ass hol*s with my tongue. Anyways, this tournament has reached the quarterfinals and we still have two non-Korean players alive. Not to mention that Draco has defeated the nefarious ogogo, former WCG champ. After a long losing streak against the South-Koreans, Draco manages to get a notable win. So what are his stats now, 1-200? Read more!
New AI script released
Gigant posted on Blizzforums.com that a new AI script was launched for the masses: "At last, my greatest creation is completed!" (Dexter's Laboratory, for those with less culture). With nice features and nicer match-ups, this AI hopes to be a decent opponent. Well, I'm sure the computer will be a decent opponent for the first three matches, when I will learn 'his', ah I mean, 'its' strategies, but anyways... and now, the computer has gosu names too: you can rape NaDa, July, Reach, or TossGirl (easy with that imagination) as much as you want, and in the end they would say GG. But if I lose, do I have to say that, too? Cause I'm a sore looser. Read more!
ToT LAN #7 in Germany
ToT announced they will hold a new LAN in Germany, with more than just a PC LAN. They say they offer football and paintball matches, too. That's lame in my opinion; they don't know what the public really wants: some big-breasted blondes fighting in a chocolate-filled ring, a farting and/or burping contest, some jackass-like stuntmen, and the list could go on, don't worry about that. I say they keep in mind these free details from me, and let's hope for a "dreamy" next ToT LAN. Read more!
Up and Coming II results
This tournament has GosuGamers.net written all over it, since they're the ones who actually created it, so it's not that bad, right? The concept here is to let in some less-known players, so that we can have a look at the underground BW gaming scene. I can actually imagine a group of players meeting in secrecy in a graveyard, plugging in the networks, and going "1v1 msg me". Read more!
MistrZZZ wins ProPlay Cup
This guy is on fire (watch the picture!)... seriously, give me that bucket, quick! Although I kinda hate him because I find him to be an arrogant... whatever..., he managed to sodomize some gosu asses: EX, Pj and White-Ra felt MistrZZZ's... let's say wrath, so I won't say dick. Although he may be arrogant, or without a social life (a vegetable plugged into a computer) his skill is undeniable. I, for one, couldn't imagine he would go that far, but that arrogant... whatever..., did it, just to piss me off. I know it's because of me. One more thing: no, he does not know who the hell I am. Read more!
WGTour Galactic Conquest: RUS > SWE
What did the Russians say when they defeated the Swedish? "All your base are belong to us", naturally. Russian Fede- > Sweden Read more!
Excello adds Beckham to their roster
So someone actually answered Beckham's cries, and that someone is not just someone, it's someone called Excello. I hope they live happily ever after, with great children, Beckhcello and Exckham. By the way: have you ever noticed that players with the stupidest nicks get to rule? I mean, come on, JulyZerg? Anytime? Iloveoov? No one knows who the f*ck is oov! Ilovebanana would sound better, if you remember a specific part from one of my previous columns... Read more!
Biggest moments in pro-gaming
The only reason I chose this is because it had two spots reserved for StarCraft. This is the good news; the bad news is that they chose some of the most non-"biggest moments in pro-gaming". Maybe they are trying to sabotage us, by showing some crappy moments to say that SC sucks. See, that's what happens when you put a vampire next to a big-breasted blonde: it sucks. Read more!
Draco joins Excello
Gohan, Fabian, Beckham, and now Draco joined Team Excello. "Oops, I think I did it again!"ex That's what Bartar might have said when he convinced Draco to join his forces. This little rascal got his hands on a very powerful weapon. Kept hidden by a mad scientist in a dark basement, this weapon was called Draco. The mad scientist feared that his invention - a weapon designed to bring the Korean pro-gamers to their knees - might be stolen, so he placed it inside a Polish little boy that no one will suspect. Apparently, there were two problems: the boy started playing StarCraft, and he did face the Koreans, but he lost, so there's a leak in his system. Anyway, Draco 1.01 seems to be compatible to the non-Korean systems. Wait for further updates. Read more!
MBC Preliminaries: BoxeR's back
The 24 group winners were revealed, with some nice surprises too. Among them, we have our beloved Boxer (no, we won't show you picture 2312094 of him here!), who still doesn't know when to quit and let others win. He won group 23 and he is seeded for the next stage. Another, let's say, "interesting" thing is that we have an ex-WarCraft III champ. Who let that guy in? That poor thing was lost from his group and you tricked him, you meanies! What has become of this world? Read more!
Carrier Beta is closed
The Carrier Beta is not open. What a weak joke! Sorry! Read more!
SuperFight #5: Round 1
SuperFight is a Race vs Race tournament, where the "Ultimate Race" will be determined. For now, the Protoss race seems to be doing better than the others, with the highest score. Eh, we all know what the best race is, and I will tell you; I will also tell you who shot Kennedy: the criminal is *gunshot* *gasp*. Read more!
FragBet League Week 4
This week, we saw some of the best teams fighting again for supremacy, this time with an interesting result that I want to mark, simply because it surprised me: MYM defeated ToT with a 4-2 score. Mondragon and his ilk got bruised by some ex-ToT members. Talk about irony... Read more!
xLo wins the Rymarov LANCraft 2007
Again Excello! xLo general, Bartar, sent his minions, Draco, Gohan and Fabian to the LANCraft with one thing in mind, but I don't know what were they thinking, what the fukc! They completely steamrolled the others; they came, they saw, they conquered them all! Simple as that. Don't read more!
KeSPA Ranking: April
This month's rankings are here: we have sAviOr still on the top of the mountain, although he plays like shit right now, NaDa is second, and IriS third. The nice part here is that we have two players that climbed 10 spots! That is right, Pusan (6th) and JaeDonG (10th), are the ones to blame. You see, this is the ideal TeleShopping example: "with the new ******** (not available in stores cause it's a piece of shit) I got 10 spots in the KeSPA rankings. Call now and get yours!" KeSPA: "Probably the best ranking in the world." And hey, Raistlin, we miss the KeSPA news and the current GG.net ranking news on your page - come on! Read more!
NaDa highlight video
I just saw the NaDa highlight video. What's a highlight video? Well kids, it's when a player shows how much he can embarrass his opponents with unconventional moves, making the commentators scream like they're in some sort of mating season, with some of them dying after the game from heart attacks. I watched this video simply because I don't have heart conditions; if you don't have either, go see it. For the other ones, I can only say "Don't worry, there's no sugar!" You will die in 7 days after this video. Or 8? Or was that 10? Read more!
Bonus
This week had something special in it: April's Fool. Some sites had some ideas, some didn't. The one with GoogleGamers was rather unimpressive in my opinion, while the one from TeamLiquid was a piece of gold with the highest rating from the past six months. I mean, the banner, dude, the banner! Now that's comedy right there!
I hope you enjoyed this week's column as much as I enjoyed doing it. I hope to have some more spare time, because I intent on doing something more here. Anyways thanks for your time!
Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/249.html - column #4
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 02.04 – 09.04.
Before I let you read this, please accept my apologies for not posting it yesterday. It's just that I have a holyday, called Easter, and that holyday did some damage to my head, liver and stomach. Forgive me, please; I know you felt like drug addicts with no drugs!
MSL Survivor Tournament
The MBC StarLeague, or MSL, is a 32-man tournament, where 16 players are seeded and the other 16 are to qualify through the MSL Survivor Tournament. This tournament consists of 32 players divided into 8 groups, with a double elimination format. The first 2 players will qualify. 2 x 8 = 16, ta-da! One short example: in group H we have Yoonhwan vs Lim YoHwan. Yes, BoxeR vs a some sort of evil name-clone. It would be so embarrassing if BoxeR would come from the Army just to win the MSL, then back to the camp. Read more, private!
FragBet League: Week #4
"The FragBet League is a must if you own a great SC squad!" Apparently this ad was seen by Bartar one day, while sitting on his couch, with some chips and coke. ("coke" may mean not just cola). It had such an impact upon him that he said to himself: "WTF, I can do this! I'm starting my SC squad right now!" So forget the story about the birds and bees, this is how xLo was born. Anyway, back to the results: MYM defeated inF (4 - 2), xLo barely won over MgZ (4 - 3) and DkH lost to LRM (2 - 4). The CDS vs ToT was postponed, but I think we know the results. As for LRM, I have one question: since the name means "The kings of mambo", do they have people dancing in the background, or they have to shake their bellies and/or asses while playing?! Imagine how hard it is to get into the LRM squad:
"So you said you can micro and macro pretty good."
"Yea, I have reps with some of my moves."
"But the real question is: can you dance bitach? I don't care if you can rape NaDa, if you can't shake that ass, you ain't with us!" Read more and dance to it!
StarCraft 2 details from inside
The Blizzard staff just announced the StarCraft 2 details: the graphics, the races and the units. OK, I think everyone got the idea: it's a fake. We got used to Blizzard telling anything. NOT! In stead, they put some more speculation out, just to make me write this piece here. Oh, the humanity! Read more, for the name of God!
BoxeR biography: a new chapter translated
Boxer wrote his autobiography,b so all of us can get a clear view of what's it like to drop out of school and spend your life/money at a PCBang in order to get world fame and millions of fans. It's some sort of "Do it yourself kit" - StarCraft gosu. The chapter is enjoyable, but I'm not sure if it's quite legal to simply translate a book and put it on the net. I changed my name and address, now I'm waiting for a plastic surgery appointment. Copyright lawsuits are da shit! Read more, legally!
AirForce becomes ACE
The Korean Airforce Team has a StarCraft division that stands by the name of "ACE". It seems like ACE is some sort of a refuge for all the old pro-gamers. The worse part is that the Ministry of Culture supports the StarCraft movement. They must have replaced the morning pushups with morning micro. Read more, practice less!
VGTour season 3
VGTour recently announced its 3rd season opening. VGTour is a ladder for money mappers. VGTour is no longer hosted on the Europe server. VGTour is now on USWest gateway. VGTour is funny. Read more about VGT.
Turkey back on track
Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey declared that its population will shift religions, moving to Catholicism and Christianity. After 20 minutes, they couldn't stand it anymore, so they decided that the StarCraft squad is not good enough, while shifting back to Moslem (hope I got that right). After several self-punishing sessions (the ones with the whips on the back), the Turkish team was revived. Hooray! Read more! Now!
BoxeR VOD collection
Some guy, Violetak, presented a BoxeR collection of 80 VODs that are uploaded on YouTube. You can find there normal VODs, FPVODS, fan-made clips and more. Finally, we found a rival for that show, "The young and the restless"! (or was that "The young and the wrestlers"?) Read more and stay in school!
OGN commentator confesses
Um Jae-Kyung wrote an article in which he talks about the broadcasting issue from his point of view:
"Dear diary, you'll never guess what happened to me today. Those meanies from KeSPA are mean and they are not nice. I don't like them anymore and I'm sad because they don't want hugs anymore. They broke my teddy bear and my pink pony is gone. Please help me, diary!"
He recently confessed that he was also the head of a Columbian drug cartel, but Korean Police does not know the meaning of "drugs=bad". How could they? They have the StarCraft addiction. Read more, you meanie!
New KTF page
KTF MagicNs just posted their new site, with some improvements, as well as completely new things. One of the interesting things is that you can rotate your favorite KTF gamer almost anyway you like it. See, this is where you realize when you are too much into StarCraft: you picture your favorite gamer like a superhero, making him shoot flames and shit. The next step would be the superhero outfits, with a cape and the underwear over the pants. Read more, you Korean lover!
WCG 07 map pool
The WCG 2007 edition that will take place in Seattle, US, this October, with the following map pool: Azalea, Gaia, Paranoid Android and Neo Beakdu Daegan. I would really like to know the jury in person, since I'm quite sure they are alien invaders. It's obvious: no one, but no one, could have picked those maps based on the community votes. By choosing these maps, it appears that they don't come in peace. Read more, you victim!
GGSL Playoffs revealed
The GosuGamers StarLeague, or GGSL, has now reached its final 16 players. With Testie gone fishing in Greece, I don't care about it anymore. Read more, if you care!
Two highlight videos of much[gm]
Since we recently had highlight videos for JulyZerg and NaDa, its time for another one, this time CJ Entus' much[gm]. His play style is good, no doubt about it, but I really have no idea about his nickname: where did he get the idea for it? God damn, it's contagious: I have no idea for a joke now - but here is a pic. Read more, noob!
BWCL Cup: last 8 teams
BWCL Cup has a tradition here, with a lot of matches under their lead. Right now, we are left with only 8 teams in the race for the cup. Among those teams we have xLo, MgZ, 3D or inF. We also have the famous Zajebiście Zjebany Zesp, which sounds like a curse word or something. I'm wondering if its players are all from the Polish ghettos. Read more, biatch, yO!
OSL: ODT week 1 results
ODT is the Online Dual Tournament,o which is basically the Survivor correspondent for OSL. With 48 players attending, only 12 of them will get seats for the OnGameNet StarLeague. 1st week results were like this: Hwasin defeated JiHyun[jOypOp], Luxury defeated ZergMan, Midas defeated TheManiaMST and UpMagic defeated Pusan. ZergMan got raped by YArnC's evil twin! "All your soul are belong to us" is what Luxury said to ZergMan after the slaughter. Read more, mortal!
GGSL: Finals are almost here
The GosuGamers StarLeague is now officially almost preparing to get ready to start finalizing the last preparations for the final games.gg The players still in are Pj, Legend, Sen, Idra and sO.o. The winner bracket finals has Pj vs sO.o, while Sen will play in the loser bracket with the winner from Idra and Legend, *cough* Legend *cough*. Mondragon and Testie have forfeited their matches, which is pretty bad. There are three things I don't understand: how come sO.o got so far? Does he know that the "arrogant fu*k" title is taken? And why do they call Mondragon "Dissy"? Read more, it's good for you!
Bonus:
I would like to take this opportunity to thank ShinSa.NokCha for his drawings, because they are a spring of laughs to all of us. Keep drawing, I will keep laughing. Read and laugh more!
P.S.: BTW, why do they call the upgraded zerglings "crackling"? Cause of the pot, maybe? Same reason in case of the HIGH templar.
OK, that's it for this week; I hope you liked it, even though I think I am in an "imagination slump", but that can be arranged with some extra weed, right? GL HF GG! vhallee.
Before I let you read this, please accept my apologies for not posting it yesterday. It's just that I have a holyday, called Easter, and that holyday did some damage to my head, liver and stomach. Forgive me, please; I know you felt like drug addicts with no drugs!
MSL Survivor Tournament
The MBC StarLeague, or MSL, is a 32-man tournament, where 16 players are seeded and the other 16 are to qualify through the MSL Survivor Tournament. This tournament consists of 32 players divided into 8 groups, with a double elimination format. The first 2 players will qualify. 2 x 8 = 16, ta-da! One short example: in group H we have Yoonhwan vs Lim YoHwan. Yes, BoxeR vs a some sort of evil name-clone. It would be so embarrassing if BoxeR would come from the Army just to win the MSL, then back to the camp. Read more, private!
FragBet League: Week #4
"The FragBet League is a must if you own a great SC squad!" Apparently this ad was seen by Bartar one day, while sitting on his couch, with some chips and coke. ("coke" may mean not just cola). It had such an impact upon him that he said to himself: "WTF, I can do this! I'm starting my SC squad right now!" So forget the story about the birds and bees, this is how xLo was born. Anyway, back to the results: MYM defeated inF (4 - 2), xLo barely won over MgZ (4 - 3) and DkH lost to LRM (2 - 4). The CDS vs ToT was postponed, but I think we know the results. As for LRM, I have one question: since the name means "The kings of mambo", do they have people dancing in the background, or they have to shake their bellies and/or asses while playing?! Imagine how hard it is to get into the LRM squad:
"So you said you can micro and macro pretty good."
"Yea, I have reps with some of my moves."
"But the real question is: can you dance bitach? I don't care if you can rape NaDa, if you can't shake that ass, you ain't with us!" Read more and dance to it!
StarCraft 2 details from inside
The Blizzard staff just announced the StarCraft 2 details: the graphics, the races and the units. OK, I think everyone got the idea: it's a fake. We got used to Blizzard telling anything. NOT! In stead, they put some more speculation out, just to make me write this piece here. Oh, the humanity! Read more, for the name of God!
BoxeR biography: a new chapter translated
Boxer wrote his autobiography,b so all of us can get a clear view of what's it like to drop out of school and spend your life/money at a PCBang in order to get world fame and millions of fans. It's some sort of "Do it yourself kit" - StarCraft gosu. The chapter is enjoyable, but I'm not sure if it's quite legal to simply translate a book and put it on the net. I changed my name and address, now I'm waiting for a plastic surgery appointment. Copyright lawsuits are da shit! Read more, legally!
AirForce becomes ACE
The Korean Airforce Team has a StarCraft division that stands by the name of "ACE". It seems like ACE is some sort of a refuge for all the old pro-gamers. The worse part is that the Ministry of Culture supports the StarCraft movement. They must have replaced the morning pushups with morning micro. Read more, practice less!
VGTour season 3
VGTour recently announced its 3rd season opening. VGTour is a ladder for money mappers. VGTour is no longer hosted on the Europe server. VGTour is now on USWest gateway. VGTour is funny. Read more about VGT.
Turkey back on track
Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey declared that its population will shift religions, moving to Catholicism and Christianity. After 20 minutes, they couldn't stand it anymore, so they decided that the StarCraft squad is not good enough, while shifting back to Moslem (hope I got that right). After several self-punishing sessions (the ones with the whips on the back), the Turkish team was revived. Hooray! Read more! Now!
BoxeR VOD collection
Some guy, Violetak, presented a BoxeR collection of 80 VODs that are uploaded on YouTube. You can find there normal VODs, FPVODS, fan-made clips and more. Finally, we found a rival for that show, "The young and the restless"! (or was that "The young and the wrestlers"?) Read more and stay in school!
OGN commentator confesses
Um Jae-Kyung wrote an article in which he talks about the broadcasting issue from his point of view:
"Dear diary, you'll never guess what happened to me today. Those meanies from KeSPA are mean and they are not nice. I don't like them anymore and I'm sad because they don't want hugs anymore. They broke my teddy bear and my pink pony is gone. Please help me, diary!"
He recently confessed that he was also the head of a Columbian drug cartel, but Korean Police does not know the meaning of "drugs=bad". How could they? They have the StarCraft addiction. Read more, you meanie!
New KTF page
KTF MagicNs just posted their new site, with some improvements, as well as completely new things. One of the interesting things is that you can rotate your favorite KTF gamer almost anyway you like it. See, this is where you realize when you are too much into StarCraft: you picture your favorite gamer like a superhero, making him shoot flames and shit. The next step would be the superhero outfits, with a cape and the underwear over the pants. Read more, you Korean lover!
WCG 07 map pool
The WCG 2007 edition that will take place in Seattle, US, this October, with the following map pool: Azalea, Gaia, Paranoid Android and Neo Beakdu Daegan. I would really like to know the jury in person, since I'm quite sure they are alien invaders. It's obvious: no one, but no one, could have picked those maps based on the community votes. By choosing these maps, it appears that they don't come in peace. Read more, you victim!
GGSL Playoffs revealed
The GosuGamers StarLeague, or GGSL, has now reached its final 16 players. With Testie gone fishing in Greece, I don't care about it anymore. Read more, if you care!
Two highlight videos of much[gm]
Since we recently had highlight videos for JulyZerg and NaDa, its time for another one, this time CJ Entus' much[gm]. His play style is good, no doubt about it, but I really have no idea about his nickname: where did he get the idea for it? God damn, it's contagious: I have no idea for a joke now - but here is a pic. Read more, noob!
BWCL Cup: last 8 teams
BWCL Cup has a tradition here, with a lot of matches under their lead. Right now, we are left with only 8 teams in the race for the cup. Among those teams we have xLo, MgZ, 3D or inF. We also have the famous Zajebiście Zjebany Zesp, which sounds like a curse word or something. I'm wondering if its players are all from the Polish ghettos. Read more, biatch, yO!
OSL: ODT week 1 results
ODT is the Online Dual Tournament,o which is basically the Survivor correspondent for OSL. With 48 players attending, only 12 of them will get seats for the OnGameNet StarLeague. 1st week results were like this: Hwasin defeated JiHyun[jOypOp], Luxury defeated ZergMan, Midas defeated TheManiaMST and UpMagic defeated Pusan. ZergMan got raped by YArnC's evil twin! "All your soul are belong to us" is what Luxury said to ZergMan after the slaughter. Read more, mortal!
GGSL: Finals are almost here
The GosuGamers StarLeague is now officially almost preparing to get ready to start finalizing the last preparations for the final games.gg The players still in are Pj, Legend, Sen, Idra and sO.o. The winner bracket finals has Pj vs sO.o, while Sen will play in the loser bracket with the winner from Idra and Legend, *cough* Legend *cough*. Mondragon and Testie have forfeited their matches, which is pretty bad. There are three things I don't understand: how come sO.o got so far? Does he know that the "arrogant fu*k" title is taken? And why do they call Mondragon "Dissy"? Read more, it's good for you!
Bonus:
I would like to take this opportunity to thank ShinSa.NokCha for his drawings, because they are a spring of laughs to all of us. Keep drawing, I will keep laughing. Read and laugh more!
P.S.: BTW, why do they call the upgraded zerglings "crackling"? Cause of the pot, maybe? Same reason in case of the HIGH templar.
OK, that's it for this week; I hope you liked it, even though I think I am in an "imagination slump", but that can be arranged with some extra weed, right? GL HF GG! vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/262.html - column #5
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 10.04 – 16.04.
Nal_rA interviewed
YGClan interviewed none other than the mighty Ra, King Ma, ah I mean, Kang Min. They talked about pro-gaming and pro-gamers, tourneys and starleagues, bla-bla. We all know he isn't called a god for nothing. The interesting part is where they started asking about his relationship with XellOs. Nal_rA must have made a guilty look, cause he said they are just good friends. But why did they ask the headquarters' responsible to give them a single bed?
FiSheYe replay pack and movie
A Fisheye highlight movie was recently released, together with a replay pack. Considering his age in the non-Korean scene, his replay pack should be good. What were the starting gosu moves at that time? Probably worker splitting in the beginning and such. Now Fisheye is wanted for desecrating the StarCraft universe and joining forces with the DPA (Dark Poker Allegiance). Call 0800-FU*KPOKER if you have seen this guy. You may be rewarded with a piece of him. Literally.
Mondragon is back in Germany A
One of the best non-Korean players of all time,m the leader for one of the best non-Korean teams of all time, has come back to one of the best non-Korean nations of all time. His return is supposed to put an end to Germany's free fall, but we all know it takes more than a gosu to make a gosu team. So what do we say, kids, when we have such a situation? "Never underestimate the power of bribe", that's right.
PGR21 about SaviOr
PGR21 posted an article about the rise and RISE of sAviOr, one of the few players that re-reinvented StarCraft. The article is great; however it is a bit stranger than usual, with chapter titles being named in musical terms, like adagio, pianissimo and so on. Well, we can only rejoice, since they managed to hire Pavarotti. FIIIIIII-GAAAAAAAA-ROOOO!
MDY sues Blizzard
This is not really a StarCraft-only news, but it is pretty important. Here's the story: MDY produced a third-party program, WoWGlider. Blizzard says that the producers used some of the coding without permission (cash) and that they damaged their business in the WoW section. MDY says that they didn't use any copywriting stuff, so they are suing Blizzard. If MDY wins, all those programs you design at home to do whatever to your games will earn you some cash. If Blizzard wins, you will probably end up in jail, with a bunch of large black guys, simply because the cops got to your place before you got a chance to know that Blizzard actually won.
Sync highlight scenes
Remember Sync? He was that guy who could break your sunken defense line like it was a walk in the park. In fact, he designed a secret hack that he used in his finals. We now have the proof! If only those highlight scenes were real...
BWCL Cup: MgZ 3 - 2 xLo
The recent BWCL Cup matches had MicroGamerZ taking on Team Excello. The result was not too obvious, as Excello lost. With one of the most impressive rosters out there, xLo lost another CW: sOo raped White-Ra, while Ptak and Strelok lost to EX and TT1. Bartar probably whipped them bad (with a leather whip, naturally), on a ritual music background. They've been naughty, they deserve to be punished. Yes, time to use the holy Bartar pic one more.
China limits online gaming time
The Chinese Government announced that they have come up with some evil plan to make those under aged kids stop playing so much. But let's hear the explanation from Yoda: "Gaming limit time evil it is. Kids no more playing will. The Force with them is not." OK, thanks Yoda. The point is that Lx and Pj's smaller brothers can only WATCH the games from now on. Oh my God, they killed Ke...the Chinese StarCraft gaming community. You bastards!
MiStrZZZ the movie
No, MistrZZZ is not a book or a game going cinema. He is a Polish gamer that recently impressed us with his results, defeating EX, Pj or White-Ra and winning the ProPlay Cup. Now, a group of MistrZZZ fanatics (you know, the ones that have a MistrZZZ t-shirt, they have graffiti skills tested on the school walls, etc.), created a highlight movie with great moves and crappy music. An advice for those movie makers: come on, I don't want to dance to the movie; I want to watch it, WTF!
Blizzard: Blizzcon 2007
Blizzard announced they will hold the 2007 Blizzcon edition for games like STARCRAFT, Diablo, and WarCraft III. Boooooring, another ownage du fromage (do you know the Dexter's Laboratory episode?), skillfully performed by the Korean sadists. "Uuuu, that's gotta hurt, Bob! It certainly does, Jim" - the commentators during Blizzcon 2007.
USA-B is open for signups
The leader of USA-B decided to change the way to select players for USA-B: now everyone is free to signup. The thing is that you have to send an application form, like you were looking for a job. Please, Mr. USA-B Leader, make them wear pink tutus for the interviews and make them juggle oranges! Any good gamer must do that!
MBC Survivor League - Group F
JaeDonG is out. Anyways, back to the group: DarkElf (T) will face ChalRenge (P), while Midas (T) will face TheZerg (Z). The winners will play then a game on Blitz X, same as the losers. After that, the loser from the winners will play a match with winner from the losers on Reverse Temple. Midas "Chef Terran" FTW!
AUS-1 is back
The StarCraft-based ladder server has awakened after 2 years of deep sleep. Do you remember that server? Now it is supposed to host both StarCraft and WarCraft III games, which means it should attract a bigger number of gamers. Well I remember playing on Australia AUS-1 with my friends after the demise of FSGS (God rest its soul) and it was basically the server where most gamers lost their virginity in StarCraft. Yeah, AUS-1 has its way...
Strelok joins aAa
Strelok, the guy that took down four Templars once, has now waved goodbye to Bartar and his ilk. He has now joined aAa, being the 5th member (2nd non-French guy, besides Clawson, aka MadClaw). Ah, come on, who are you kidding? We all know the truth: Bartar kicked Strelok away one night in his socks and panties after a hot night with no satisfying results. Bartar got angry for that and his results with MgZ, so Strelok slept that night on a carpet in front of the door, until Rest found him.
ShinHan Bank ProLeague: New season
ShinHan Bank is a bank. Now that we clarified that, let's all be happy the new season is about to start: Yeee! Ok, enough. This proleague has the advantages of bringing the best of the best, in terms of teams AND players. The first four teams that played were MBC vs OZ and CJ vs STX. MBC Hero totally owned the ones from Lecaf OZ (the federal prison?), while STX SouL defeated CJ Entus (sAviOr continued his loosing spree, this time losing the match that depended on the team's victory, thanks a lot, god damn it!). At least Jaedong was raped when there wasn't so much at stake.
FragBet League: Week 6 results
Week 6 from the FragBet League had the 6th round of matches, with xLo vs CDS (4 - 1), MYM vs LRM (4 - 1), MgZ vs DkH (4 - 0) and ToT vs inF (4 - 3). The last round will have xLo vs inF, MYM vs DkH, CDS vs MgZ and ToT vs LRM. It would be stupid for me to say I'm not happy MYM is 1st, but I didn't expect it. I repeat: never underestimate the power of bribe.
Draco wins ESL PGL Playoffs
Draco won the ESL PGL playoffs, ensuring his departure for China.e The format will be 4 Chinese players and 4 non-Chinese players. The other 3 brave gamers that will join Draco on the quest to bring down the Chinese dark rule are IefNaij, IdrA and A2. The Chinese evil masters are Pj, Super, Lx and F91. Who will win this legendary battle between these titans of war? Coming soon, but I don't know where.
Bonus
FighterForum posted some pictures in which Midas is cooking dinner to iloveoov. There are so many answers to this! Imagine that oov and Midas would live in the Stone Age, oov will come home tired from his rock lifting job, going: "oov tired! Oov hungry! Oov want eat!". And if you notice in a picture, oov has some sort of a wedding ring, which makes it perfectly legal for Midas too make him dinner. It appears that Midas couldn't find any bananas, so poor iloveoov had to eat chicken this time. After the dinner was made, oov started eating without giving Midas any, which means that the Alpha-Male is the GorillaTerran. If Midas can't refuse dinner, what about when the mating season starts?
OK, I'm done with this week's column. Hope you enjoy reading it and I will see you again here next week. Yours truly, vhallee.
Nal_rA interviewed
YGClan interviewed none other than the mighty Ra, King Ma, ah I mean, Kang Min. They talked about pro-gaming and pro-gamers, tourneys and starleagues, bla-bla. We all know he isn't called a god for nothing. The interesting part is where they started asking about his relationship with XellOs. Nal_rA must have made a guilty look, cause he said they are just good friends. But why did they ask the headquarters' responsible to give them a single bed?
FiSheYe replay pack and movie
A Fisheye highlight movie was recently released, together with a replay pack. Considering his age in the non-Korean scene, his replay pack should be good. What were the starting gosu moves at that time? Probably worker splitting in the beginning and such. Now Fisheye is wanted for desecrating the StarCraft universe and joining forces with the DPA (Dark Poker Allegiance). Call 0800-FU*KPOKER if you have seen this guy. You may be rewarded with a piece of him. Literally.
Mondragon is back in Germany A
One of the best non-Korean players of all time,m the leader for one of the best non-Korean teams of all time, has come back to one of the best non-Korean nations of all time. His return is supposed to put an end to Germany's free fall, but we all know it takes more than a gosu to make a gosu team. So what do we say, kids, when we have such a situation? "Never underestimate the power of bribe", that's right.
PGR21 about SaviOr
PGR21 posted an article about the rise and RISE of sAviOr, one of the few players that re-reinvented StarCraft. The article is great; however it is a bit stranger than usual, with chapter titles being named in musical terms, like adagio, pianissimo and so on. Well, we can only rejoice, since they managed to hire Pavarotti. FIIIIIII-GAAAAAAAA-ROOOO!
MDY sues Blizzard
This is not really a StarCraft-only news, but it is pretty important. Here's the story: MDY produced a third-party program, WoWGlider. Blizzard says that the producers used some of the coding without permission (cash) and that they damaged their business in the WoW section. MDY says that they didn't use any copywriting stuff, so they are suing Blizzard. If MDY wins, all those programs you design at home to do whatever to your games will earn you some cash. If Blizzard wins, you will probably end up in jail, with a bunch of large black guys, simply because the cops got to your place before you got a chance to know that Blizzard actually won.
Sync highlight scenes
Remember Sync? He was that guy who could break your sunken defense line like it was a walk in the park. In fact, he designed a secret hack that he used in his finals. We now have the proof! If only those highlight scenes were real...
BWCL Cup: MgZ 3 - 2 xLo
The recent BWCL Cup matches had MicroGamerZ taking on Team Excello. The result was not too obvious, as Excello lost. With one of the most impressive rosters out there, xLo lost another CW: sOo raped White-Ra, while Ptak and Strelok lost to EX and TT1. Bartar probably whipped them bad (with a leather whip, naturally), on a ritual music background. They've been naughty, they deserve to be punished. Yes, time to use the holy Bartar pic one more.
China limits online gaming time
The Chinese Government announced that they have come up with some evil plan to make those under aged kids stop playing so much. But let's hear the explanation from Yoda: "Gaming limit time evil it is. Kids no more playing will. The Force with them is not." OK, thanks Yoda. The point is that Lx and Pj's smaller brothers can only WATCH the games from now on. Oh my God, they killed Ke...the Chinese StarCraft gaming community. You bastards!
MiStrZZZ the movie
No, MistrZZZ is not a book or a game going cinema. He is a Polish gamer that recently impressed us with his results, defeating EX, Pj or White-Ra and winning the ProPlay Cup. Now, a group of MistrZZZ fanatics (you know, the ones that have a MistrZZZ t-shirt, they have graffiti skills tested on the school walls, etc.), created a highlight movie with great moves and crappy music. An advice for those movie makers: come on, I don't want to dance to the movie; I want to watch it, WTF!
Blizzard: Blizzcon 2007
Blizzard announced they will hold the 2007 Blizzcon edition for games like STARCRAFT, Diablo, and WarCraft III. Boooooring, another ownage du fromage (do you know the Dexter's Laboratory episode?), skillfully performed by the Korean sadists. "Uuuu, that's gotta hurt, Bob! It certainly does, Jim" - the commentators during Blizzcon 2007.
USA-B is open for signups
The leader of USA-B decided to change the way to select players for USA-B: now everyone is free to signup. The thing is that you have to send an application form, like you were looking for a job. Please, Mr. USA-B Leader, make them wear pink tutus for the interviews and make them juggle oranges! Any good gamer must do that!
MBC Survivor League - Group F
JaeDonG is out. Anyways, back to the group: DarkElf (T) will face ChalRenge (P), while Midas (T) will face TheZerg (Z). The winners will play then a game on Blitz X, same as the losers. After that, the loser from the winners will play a match with winner from the losers on Reverse Temple. Midas "Chef Terran" FTW!
AUS-1 is back
The StarCraft-based ladder server has awakened after 2 years of deep sleep. Do you remember that server? Now it is supposed to host both StarCraft and WarCraft III games, which means it should attract a bigger number of gamers. Well I remember playing on Australia AUS-1 with my friends after the demise of FSGS (God rest its soul) and it was basically the server where most gamers lost their virginity in StarCraft. Yeah, AUS-1 has its way...
Strelok joins aAa
Strelok, the guy that took down four Templars once, has now waved goodbye to Bartar and his ilk. He has now joined aAa, being the 5th member (2nd non-French guy, besides Clawson, aka MadClaw). Ah, come on, who are you kidding? We all know the truth: Bartar kicked Strelok away one night in his socks and panties after a hot night with no satisfying results. Bartar got angry for that and his results with MgZ, so Strelok slept that night on a carpet in front of the door, until Rest found him.
ShinHan Bank ProLeague: New season
ShinHan Bank is a bank. Now that we clarified that, let's all be happy the new season is about to start: Yeee! Ok, enough. This proleague has the advantages of bringing the best of the best, in terms of teams AND players. The first four teams that played were MBC vs OZ and CJ vs STX. MBC Hero totally owned the ones from Lecaf OZ (the federal prison?), while STX SouL defeated CJ Entus (sAviOr continued his loosing spree, this time losing the match that depended on the team's victory, thanks a lot, god damn it!). At least Jaedong was raped when there wasn't so much at stake.
FragBet League: Week 6 results
Week 6 from the FragBet League had the 6th round of matches, with xLo vs CDS (4 - 1), MYM vs LRM (4 - 1), MgZ vs DkH (4 - 0) and ToT vs inF (4 - 3). The last round will have xLo vs inF, MYM vs DkH, CDS vs MgZ and ToT vs LRM. It would be stupid for me to say I'm not happy MYM is 1st, but I didn't expect it. I repeat: never underestimate the power of bribe.
Draco wins ESL PGL Playoffs
Draco won the ESL PGL playoffs, ensuring his departure for China.e The format will be 4 Chinese players and 4 non-Chinese players. The other 3 brave gamers that will join Draco on the quest to bring down the Chinese dark rule are IefNaij, IdrA and A2. The Chinese evil masters are Pj, Super, Lx and F91. Who will win this legendary battle between these titans of war? Coming soon, but I don't know where.
Bonus
FighterForum posted some pictures in which Midas is cooking dinner to iloveoov. There are so many answers to this! Imagine that oov and Midas would live in the Stone Age, oov will come home tired from his rock lifting job, going: "oov tired! Oov hungry! Oov want eat!". And if you notice in a picture, oov has some sort of a wedding ring, which makes it perfectly legal for Midas too make him dinner. It appears that Midas couldn't find any bananas, so poor iloveoov had to eat chicken this time. After the dinner was made, oov started eating without giving Midas any, which means that the Alpha-Male is the GorillaTerran. If Midas can't refuse dinner, what about when the mating season starts?
OK, I'm done with this week's column. Hope you enjoy reading it and I will see you again here next week. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/276.html - column #6
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 17.04 – 24.04.
TL.net Programizer: new version
TeamLiquid announced a new version for their Programizer. What do you mean you don't know what Programizer is? It's some sort of tool that translates Korean player names, map names, event names etc... So this one can't help you learning stuff like "She sells sea shells on the sea shore" or "F*ck the f*cking f*ckers!" to hook up with some Korean chick. They probably plan to feature this in the next version.
KTF: 60 wins
4Normally this would be great if it would be one of your friends' achievements: "Dude, I got my 60th win, hell yeah!". But it's about KTF and it's about Korea, so anything is possible. They probably celebrate every win they get, otherwise I wouldn't explain. I remember YellOw's 100th win ceremony, but 60? They celebrate their victories like Bingo numbers probably.
459 replays of Draco at TL.net
Over at TeamLiquid, Taiche posted a replay pack containing exactly 459 replays with the Polish star, Draco. But why 459? He must be a member of the KTF crew (remember they celebrated the 60th win).
Draco's Korean dream is almost over
6Draco declared that he had problems with his progaming life in Korea and that he came back because his mother got sick. It's nice to see he is a family guy. It's nice for those who buy the story. Some say that some Koreans with doubtful sexual orientations caught Draco one night alone practicing and they did something shameful to him. Some chopsticks and pink handcuffs were found at the crime scene. Now Draco will never be the same.
TL.net announces TLTour Beta
tlTeamLiquid posted a thread in which they say that TLTour will begin! With a beta season, of course. Well, it's not actually started, but it will be. Some claim that this will be better even than THE SERVER. Hear that, PGT-hacker? Here's a new toy for you.
PGR21: ForcePoint Rankings
PGR21 featured a new article called "Force Point Ranking" in which its author, ClassicMild, collected and sorted about 17.000 progaming results. All that was made during his military service, so you have an idea of the army those guys do. Right now I'm preparing with 4 of my friends to take over Korea. You can join us if you want your own city. Reminds me of the Samsung commercial: "Everyone's invited!"
GG.net: Way of the newbie
GosuGamers features an interesting article called "The Way of The Newbie - Improve". As the title says, it's supposed to bring enlightenment for all those (lame) inexperienced players out there. So, he lit the torch, you must gather with your sticks and steal some fire from it. He actually missed some steps: "hacking - a way of life", "spamming, cursing and bms are my middle names", to mention the most important ones. Seriously, Mattias, what were you thinking, man?
Midian has left the building
Midian, or ToT)MidiaN( or Dream.t)MidiaN posted a thread in which he said he is giving up StarCraft because of his busy schedule with school and bla bla...1 He also left 2 FPVODs as a farewell gift. In fact he has been contaminated with the same virus as most good gamers: poker; those VODs are some sort of bribe, and I can't be bought so easily. Everyone knows it takes at least 3 FPVODs to do that. Since I received so many phone calls from the last week on 0800-FOCKPOKER, I am willing to put Midian in the list too. So call this number, god damn it! I need ewe!
Smuft replay pack
He is good.
WGT World Cup Season 2 announced
WGTour World Cup from last year was a huge tournament,wgt with the best of the best. Now, SteelSeries is the sponsor, so the name is SteelSeries World Cup 2. Spain, Poland and Russia were the first three countries last year, they deserved the spots. Romania managed to get to the quarterfinals, by the way. Where is Romania? God damn it! Go Romania! Go f*ck yourself!
Team BW wins the NCL Season 3
sweNCL season 3 just ended, with a well-known rivalry between NaW and BW. With an 8-0 record, BW looked to be the favorite and those guys kept their promise and won again with a 4-1 score. Mireille and co. now have paper bags with their faces on. 9-0! Oh, the shame! One more shameful thing is that the leader of team BW, HadeS, plays some sort of WoW online game. Get him, boys!
Avaton Tournament #5
A new Avaton Tournament has been announced by NastyMarine, the 5th season. As expected, this will be a 2v2 tournament, with some well-known maps like Luna or Gaia and some BWMaps maps. The idea is good, the tournament is good. I also made some maps for BWM but they never called back. I feel so cheap!
Hurin's Invitational Tournament
Hurin is hosting a tournament with some of the best old-school players like Smuft,sen-testie Slog4, Eriador, FrozenArbiter, and some more gosus like Testie, iNcontrol, Sen, and Pj. You will notice that this invitational tournament is like "I call my US buddies and fill the empty spots with some other guys", and it's baaaad, baaad. Anyways, I'm surprised to see so many big names in one tournament. Talk is cheap, go play!
MBC King of Clans
mMBC Game is hosting this time a clanwar-like tournament for some of the best 8 Korean clans at the moment. We have fOu, Ever, By, Sea, S.G, ArnC, Shield, and GsP. So far, Sea defeated By, Ever raped fOu with the same cruelty as ArnC raped S.G. Ever)Z(Line and Saber[ArnC] have "PWNAGE" written (in Korean) all over them.
BeT adds Lx
The Chinese Protoss player Legend (or Lx) joined BeT after his Korean career. He claims that his life in Korea is hard for a foreigner. Oh, no, not you too (Brutus)! It seems that foreign ass is no good for Korean di... demand.
2xLo adds Freezer as admin
Excello's main admin, Bartar, picked up Freezer (former oG admin, AUS team admin and several tournaments admin) for the admin position, naturally. Actually, Freezer didn't really wanted this position, he wanted to be xLo's banjo player, but Bartar "negotiated" with him over a hot cup of tea and a fooling-around season that lasted all night long. The second day, Freezer accepted.
OSL Season 1 / 2007: players
nadaThe 1st OSL Season for 2007 has its players now. Among them we can see NaDa, iloveoov, Savior and Reach. The first impression inspired me to make a movie the moment I become a rich movie maker: "Dawn of the Terran". It will be a horror movie, with Zerg and Protoss victims that are going to be killed in the most gruesome ways known to man. It's not my fault: I had a tough childhood.
FragBet 7: results
fThis last week featured games like MYM vs DkH, or ToT vs LRM. With a 4-1 victory, MYM is ranked 1st, ToT is 2nd and LRM is 3rd. As for the xLo vs inF (4-0)... no comment. You could at least show up inF! And bring that lubricant, will ya?
China rankings
cChina has its own ranking system to establish its best players. Right now, Legend, Pj and F91 are the first three players there. Why did the Chinese make its own rankings? They probably got envious that KeSPA rules so they made one that can probably be checked and modified by the government: "Lx, the President wants you to be 1st. Do your best or you will be sleeping with the fishies!"
TuZeR wins French LAN
tPing Arena season 8 just ended and it hosted games like WarCraft III, Counter Strike and some other games that I never thought existed. They will probably die in about 2 years or so. Anyway, TuZeR, representing aAa, won the StarCraft section, showing that his team means business. Well, TuZeR looks like a thug to me, so he may have won the game with the help of some "friends". He taught me to use that ghetto knife, don't know how you call it.
WGTCW Finals: MgZ > fAke
The WGT Clan War League reached its final, with MgZ and fAke fighting for the first place. The final was a close one, MgZ winning it with a 4-3 score. Napoleon would be proud!
OK, that's all for this week. Remember: feedback - good. When you hear the message "Not enough feedback... mine more feedback" in your brain, do it! Tell me that you love it, that it's the best thing ever, that you want my children, that you will make me a statue. If you don't like some things, keep them to yourself! Remember, I'm arrogant; you don't want to hurt my feelings. Peace! vhallee.
TL.net Programizer: new version
TeamLiquid announced a new version for their Programizer. What do you mean you don't know what Programizer is? It's some sort of tool that translates Korean player names, map names, event names etc... So this one can't help you learning stuff like "She sells sea shells on the sea shore" or "F*ck the f*cking f*ckers!" to hook up with some Korean chick. They probably plan to feature this in the next version.
KTF: 60 wins
4Normally this would be great if it would be one of your friends' achievements: "Dude, I got my 60th win, hell yeah!". But it's about KTF and it's about Korea, so anything is possible. They probably celebrate every win they get, otherwise I wouldn't explain. I remember YellOw's 100th win ceremony, but 60? They celebrate their victories like Bingo numbers probably.
459 replays of Draco at TL.net
Over at TeamLiquid, Taiche posted a replay pack containing exactly 459 replays with the Polish star, Draco. But why 459? He must be a member of the KTF crew (remember they celebrated the 60th win).
Draco's Korean dream is almost over
6Draco declared that he had problems with his progaming life in Korea and that he came back because his mother got sick. It's nice to see he is a family guy. It's nice for those who buy the story. Some say that some Koreans with doubtful sexual orientations caught Draco one night alone practicing and they did something shameful to him. Some chopsticks and pink handcuffs were found at the crime scene. Now Draco will never be the same.
TL.net announces TLTour Beta
tlTeamLiquid posted a thread in which they say that TLTour will begin! With a beta season, of course. Well, it's not actually started, but it will be. Some claim that this will be better even than THE SERVER. Hear that, PGT-hacker? Here's a new toy for you.
PGR21: ForcePoint Rankings
PGR21 featured a new article called "Force Point Ranking" in which its author, ClassicMild, collected and sorted about 17.000 progaming results. All that was made during his military service, so you have an idea of the army those guys do. Right now I'm preparing with 4 of my friends to take over Korea. You can join us if you want your own city. Reminds me of the Samsung commercial: "Everyone's invited!"
GG.net: Way of the newbie
GosuGamers features an interesting article called "The Way of The Newbie - Improve". As the title says, it's supposed to bring enlightenment for all those (lame) inexperienced players out there. So, he lit the torch, you must gather with your sticks and steal some fire from it. He actually missed some steps: "hacking - a way of life", "spamming, cursing and bms are my middle names", to mention the most important ones. Seriously, Mattias, what were you thinking, man?
Midian has left the building
Midian, or ToT)MidiaN( or Dream.t)MidiaN posted a thread in which he said he is giving up StarCraft because of his busy schedule with school and bla bla...1 He also left 2 FPVODs as a farewell gift. In fact he has been contaminated with the same virus as most good gamers: poker; those VODs are some sort of bribe, and I can't be bought so easily. Everyone knows it takes at least 3 FPVODs to do that. Since I received so many phone calls from the last week on 0800-FOCKPOKER, I am willing to put Midian in the list too. So call this number, god damn it! I need ewe!
Smuft replay pack
He is good.
WGT World Cup Season 2 announced
WGTour World Cup from last year was a huge tournament,wgt with the best of the best. Now, SteelSeries is the sponsor, so the name is SteelSeries World Cup 2. Spain, Poland and Russia were the first three countries last year, they deserved the spots. Romania managed to get to the quarterfinals, by the way. Where is Romania? God damn it! Go Romania! Go f*ck yourself!
Team BW wins the NCL Season 3
sweNCL season 3 just ended, with a well-known rivalry between NaW and BW. With an 8-0 record, BW looked to be the favorite and those guys kept their promise and won again with a 4-1 score. Mireille and co. now have paper bags with their faces on. 9-0! Oh, the shame! One more shameful thing is that the leader of team BW, HadeS, plays some sort of WoW online game. Get him, boys!
Avaton Tournament #5
A new Avaton Tournament has been announced by NastyMarine, the 5th season. As expected, this will be a 2v2 tournament, with some well-known maps like Luna or Gaia and some BWMaps maps. The idea is good, the tournament is good. I also made some maps for BWM but they never called back. I feel so cheap!
Hurin's Invitational Tournament
Hurin is hosting a tournament with some of the best old-school players like Smuft,sen-testie Slog4, Eriador, FrozenArbiter, and some more gosus like Testie, iNcontrol, Sen, and Pj. You will notice that this invitational tournament is like "I call my US buddies and fill the empty spots with some other guys", and it's baaaad, baaad. Anyways, I'm surprised to see so many big names in one tournament. Talk is cheap, go play!
MBC King of Clans
mMBC Game is hosting this time a clanwar-like tournament for some of the best 8 Korean clans at the moment. We have fOu, Ever, By, Sea, S.G, ArnC, Shield, and GsP. So far, Sea defeated By, Ever raped fOu with the same cruelty as ArnC raped S.G. Ever)Z(Line and Saber[ArnC] have "PWNAGE" written (in Korean) all over them.
BeT adds Lx
The Chinese Protoss player Legend (or Lx) joined BeT after his Korean career. He claims that his life in Korea is hard for a foreigner. Oh, no, not you too (Brutus)! It seems that foreign ass is no good for Korean di... demand.
2xLo adds Freezer as admin
Excello's main admin, Bartar, picked up Freezer (former oG admin, AUS team admin and several tournaments admin) for the admin position, naturally. Actually, Freezer didn't really wanted this position, he wanted to be xLo's banjo player, but Bartar "negotiated" with him over a hot cup of tea and a fooling-around season that lasted all night long. The second day, Freezer accepted.
OSL Season 1 / 2007: players
nadaThe 1st OSL Season for 2007 has its players now. Among them we can see NaDa, iloveoov, Savior and Reach. The first impression inspired me to make a movie the moment I become a rich movie maker: "Dawn of the Terran". It will be a horror movie, with Zerg and Protoss victims that are going to be killed in the most gruesome ways known to man. It's not my fault: I had a tough childhood.
FragBet 7: results
fThis last week featured games like MYM vs DkH, or ToT vs LRM. With a 4-1 victory, MYM is ranked 1st, ToT is 2nd and LRM is 3rd. As for the xLo vs inF (4-0)... no comment. You could at least show up inF! And bring that lubricant, will ya?
China rankings
cChina has its own ranking system to establish its best players. Right now, Legend, Pj and F91 are the first three players there. Why did the Chinese make its own rankings? They probably got envious that KeSPA rules so they made one that can probably be checked and modified by the government: "Lx, the President wants you to be 1st. Do your best or you will be sleeping with the fishies!"
TuZeR wins French LAN
tPing Arena season 8 just ended and it hosted games like WarCraft III, Counter Strike and some other games that I never thought existed. They will probably die in about 2 years or so. Anyway, TuZeR, representing aAa, won the StarCraft section, showing that his team means business. Well, TuZeR looks like a thug to me, so he may have won the game with the help of some "friends". He taught me to use that ghetto knife, don't know how you call it.
WGTCW Finals: MgZ > fAke
The WGT Clan War League reached its final, with MgZ and fAke fighting for the first place. The final was a close one, MgZ winning it with a 4-3 score. Napoleon would be proud!
OK, that's all for this week. Remember: feedback - good. When you hear the message "Not enough feedback... mine more feedback" in your brain, do it! Tell me that you love it, that it's the best thing ever, that you want my children, that you will make me a statue. If you don't like some things, keep them to yourself! Remember, I'm arrogant; you don't want to hurt my feelings. Peace! vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/283.html - column #7
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 24.04 – 30.04.
ToT partners with a poker site
The Templars recently got themselves a new sponsor,11 a poker site. Now this would be a(nother) good moment to start screaming and/or swearing about poker taking our players, and we may just do that. I brought to you a trainer that will help you with it: "OK now everybody say "Noooooo!" - "Nooooo!". Good. Now everybody say "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" - "Shiiiiiiiit". Now everybody say "I like pieeeee!" - ..."
New MSL season with $ 70.000 prize money
MBC has recently announced their new MSL season will begin shortly. They have gathered $70.000 for the winners, so there will be motivation if you ask me.2 GomTV is the sponsor again, so I can't wait to see those guys with them freaky ties. Those guys have some special taste concerning the fashion. Can't wait for the clown-like commentator costumes, with red horn-like noses, flying pies and spitting flowers: "Magnificent drop by sAviOr, Bisu typed GG! Since you were cheering Bisu, commentator1, I, commentator 2, will have the pleasure of smacking you with a pie. Splat! *nose horn sound*"
StarCraft LDK
3Battle.net just brought to the community a new product called StarCraft League Development Kit. Its purpose is to allow people to create their custom ladders over Battle.net. Yeee, hooray for Battle.net! This way, the legal issues related to the "do-it-yourself" ladder kit are supposed to be gone. What? They remembered they created a game called StarCraft? This had better be good, B-lizard!
TLTour delayed
tOver at TeamLiquid.net, Manifesto7 posted an announcement according to which the all awaited ladder going by the name of TLTour will be delayed. This means that it will not be launched to the masses because of Battle.net's LDK tool. This one has made Battle.net a bit instable for the moment, so when things settle down, TLTour will be back on track.
BoxeR in the new MSL
bThe new MBC season started, with a huge amount of gosuness/cm2. In group H we get to see some more magic happening, as BoxeR is representing the Air Force team "ACE". After losing to the ex WarCraft III player, Freedom.Werra, Boxer won the group final against the Zerg player MinGu. Instead of preparing for his life as a family man to become an alcoholic, he has all the chances to end up as a StarCraholic.
CPL Tour: vote for StarCraft
GGL has put up a poll to know what games should participate in its tournaments. The good part is that StarCraft wasn't even considered. Realizing their fatal mistake, they tried to make up for it by posting this poll that I was talking about. I guess I don't need to mention that StarCraft has gathered the most votes. If all people would think like that GGL, my grandpa would play "The Lost Vikings" instead of Chess. Thank God!
rReach is back
Mantoss fighting!
StarCraft 2 announced for 19th May
More and more news like that invade our ears day after day. But all these news are pure speculation until Blizzard says "Yes, I'm guilty of working behind your backs in creating a new StarCraft". Let's hope it will suck.
MSL groups ready
nalThe MSL GomTv groups have just been finished, and we now have the last 16 players divided into 4 groups. As we can see, that WarCraft III dude is not giving up. Someone should call him in the middle of the night and tell him that he should calm down with all those winnings. By the way, BoxeR will be fighting Nal_rA in group D. These two will be fighting until they die, but at about 60 you can't really hit your opponent with anything except your poop or mouthpiece.
BWCL Head Admin Leaves + Movie
The BWCL (Premier League) was, is and will be a turning point in StarCraft history that children will learn in schools a few years from now. This league has brought together the best players from the best teams, giving us the best matches from the best game.b However, The1Crow decided to call it quits, as he said he can't work for BWCL as good as he once did, and that's because of the lack of time. Instead, he is supposed to work better for MYM. First: he worked like a god damn machine when he had BWCL on hid mind. Second: ever since his announcement, he was not seen on Battle.net, MYM page, MSN, or face to face. All we found was some sort of plain ticket receipt to Tibet.
P.S: A BWCL highlight movie was also released. That is a lot of good moves, yes?
SarenS and TuzeR back in France-A
These two French stars have rejoined the national team again, some say with enthusiasm and motivation. I guess they were bored.
ESL problems have come to an end
Hey, kids, remember the "Fraer and Bruce" issue?esl That taught us how to cheat and win, kids. The thing here was that these two agreed on lying about a game result so that Fraer would advance instead of facing Cocoa in a tiebreaker. And what did the ESL admins do? Gimme an "N"! Gimme an "O"! Gimme a "F*CKING"! Gimme a "T"! Gimme an "H"! Gimme an "I"! Gimme an "N"! Gimme an "G"! Give them a smack in the face!
PGL China: Idra leaves
cThe huge offline event in China that will take place from the 15th to the 27th of May brought together 16 players fighting for the € 6.500 prize money. There will be 4 non-Koreans, 8 Chinese players and 4 guys with doubtful sexual orientations that we can call Koreans. However, Idra said he cannot attend the tournament as he has to study. His place will be decided between Fraer and Smuft. Fraer, you can do it! Cheat again about the results, that is...
aAa - The Movie
aaAa is the French team that started with Bundy, SarenS TuzeR and Rest; now they have added Clawson and Strelok to their roster and they seem to be doing just fine. SF)Koovi made a highlight movie about them, 18 minutes long, in which to see what those guys are made of. I'm only curious who came up with the name "Against All Authority". These guys probably don't pay their taxes, cross on the red light and take old people seats in busses.
FragBet: DkH > inF
fThe FragBet League started its playoffs with the clanwar between the German-based team DkH (I tried to pronounce it but I failed miserably) and the Italian clan inF. The result was 4-2 in the German team's favour. Boy, with a name containing `inferno`, I would have surely expected more, but it seems that Hell's minions suck at StarCraft. Well, at least they have showed up this time.
ShinHan ProLeague: 2 matches played
sThese two matches from ShinHan Bank ProLeague were played between MBCGame, HanBit Stars, CJ Entus and KTF MagicNs. MBC lost to HanBit in a close match, 2-3, while CJ brought down KTF with a 3-1 score. sAviOr is still on a loosing spree, being owned by a Protoss! - the great Nal_rA and Reach just lost to Sea.Jy. At least now it's a proven thing that sAviOr has been abducted. You can't possibly call that pathetic creature sAviOr! And I remember I said "ManToss is back". Yup, he's back on his slump.
Bonus from TL.net:
Rekrul (you know him, the guy that can amaze people simply by saying that his name is Lurker spelled backwards) has re-opened his all-time blockbuster thread, "Progaming gossip". Although we get to worship those Korean gosus when watchin their games, we get to laugh our asses off when reading this guy's thread. How embarrassing!
God damn, this week had a poor crop. Anyways, you're free to express your opinions (did I say" free"? I was talking about the ones that greet me and the content) and I will see you next week. In case I won't, this means I may have been crushed by a falling piano or I won the Lotto. Yours truly, vhallee.
ToT partners with a poker site
The Templars recently got themselves a new sponsor,11 a poker site. Now this would be a(nother) good moment to start screaming and/or swearing about poker taking our players, and we may just do that. I brought to you a trainer that will help you with it: "OK now everybody say "Noooooo!" - "Nooooo!". Good. Now everybody say "Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" - "Shiiiiiiiit". Now everybody say "I like pieeeee!" - ..."
New MSL season with $ 70.000 prize money
MBC has recently announced their new MSL season will begin shortly. They have gathered $70.000 for the winners, so there will be motivation if you ask me.2 GomTV is the sponsor again, so I can't wait to see those guys with them freaky ties. Those guys have some special taste concerning the fashion. Can't wait for the clown-like commentator costumes, with red horn-like noses, flying pies and spitting flowers: "Magnificent drop by sAviOr, Bisu typed GG! Since you were cheering Bisu, commentator1, I, commentator 2, will have the pleasure of smacking you with a pie. Splat! *nose horn sound*"
StarCraft LDK
3Battle.net just brought to the community a new product called StarCraft League Development Kit. Its purpose is to allow people to create their custom ladders over Battle.net. Yeee, hooray for Battle.net! This way, the legal issues related to the "do-it-yourself" ladder kit are supposed to be gone. What? They remembered they created a game called StarCraft? This had better be good, B-lizard!
TLTour delayed
tOver at TeamLiquid.net, Manifesto7 posted an announcement according to which the all awaited ladder going by the name of TLTour will be delayed. This means that it will not be launched to the masses because of Battle.net's LDK tool. This one has made Battle.net a bit instable for the moment, so when things settle down, TLTour will be back on track.
BoxeR in the new MSL
bThe new MBC season started, with a huge amount of gosuness/cm2. In group H we get to see some more magic happening, as BoxeR is representing the Air Force team "ACE". After losing to the ex WarCraft III player, Freedom.Werra, Boxer won the group final against the Zerg player MinGu. Instead of preparing for his life as a family man to become an alcoholic, he has all the chances to end up as a StarCraholic.
CPL Tour: vote for StarCraft
GGL has put up a poll to know what games should participate in its tournaments. The good part is that StarCraft wasn't even considered. Realizing their fatal mistake, they tried to make up for it by posting this poll that I was talking about. I guess I don't need to mention that StarCraft has gathered the most votes. If all people would think like that GGL, my grandpa would play "The Lost Vikings" instead of Chess. Thank God!
rReach is back
Mantoss fighting!
StarCraft 2 announced for 19th May
More and more news like that invade our ears day after day. But all these news are pure speculation until Blizzard says "Yes, I'm guilty of working behind your backs in creating a new StarCraft". Let's hope it will suck.
MSL groups ready
nalThe MSL GomTv groups have just been finished, and we now have the last 16 players divided into 4 groups. As we can see, that WarCraft III dude is not giving up. Someone should call him in the middle of the night and tell him that he should calm down with all those winnings. By the way, BoxeR will be fighting Nal_rA in group D. These two will be fighting until they die, but at about 60 you can't really hit your opponent with anything except your poop or mouthpiece.
BWCL Head Admin Leaves + Movie
The BWCL (Premier League) was, is and will be a turning point in StarCraft history that children will learn in schools a few years from now. This league has brought together the best players from the best teams, giving us the best matches from the best game.b However, The1Crow decided to call it quits, as he said he can't work for BWCL as good as he once did, and that's because of the lack of time. Instead, he is supposed to work better for MYM. First: he worked like a god damn machine when he had BWCL on hid mind. Second: ever since his announcement, he was not seen on Battle.net, MYM page, MSN, or face to face. All we found was some sort of plain ticket receipt to Tibet.
P.S: A BWCL highlight movie was also released. That is a lot of good moves, yes?
SarenS and TuzeR back in France-A
These two French stars have rejoined the national team again, some say with enthusiasm and motivation. I guess they were bored.
ESL problems have come to an end
Hey, kids, remember the "Fraer and Bruce" issue?esl That taught us how to cheat and win, kids. The thing here was that these two agreed on lying about a game result so that Fraer would advance instead of facing Cocoa in a tiebreaker. And what did the ESL admins do? Gimme an "N"! Gimme an "O"! Gimme a "F*CKING"! Gimme a "T"! Gimme an "H"! Gimme an "I"! Gimme an "N"! Gimme an "G"! Give them a smack in the face!
PGL China: Idra leaves
cThe huge offline event in China that will take place from the 15th to the 27th of May brought together 16 players fighting for the € 6.500 prize money. There will be 4 non-Koreans, 8 Chinese players and 4 guys with doubtful sexual orientations that we can call Koreans. However, Idra said he cannot attend the tournament as he has to study. His place will be decided between Fraer and Smuft. Fraer, you can do it! Cheat again about the results, that is...
aAa - The Movie
aaAa is the French team that started with Bundy, SarenS TuzeR and Rest; now they have added Clawson and Strelok to their roster and they seem to be doing just fine. SF)Koovi made a highlight movie about them, 18 minutes long, in which to see what those guys are made of. I'm only curious who came up with the name "Against All Authority". These guys probably don't pay their taxes, cross on the red light and take old people seats in busses.
FragBet: DkH > inF
fThe FragBet League started its playoffs with the clanwar between the German-based team DkH (I tried to pronounce it but I failed miserably) and the Italian clan inF. The result was 4-2 in the German team's favour. Boy, with a name containing `inferno`, I would have surely expected more, but it seems that Hell's minions suck at StarCraft. Well, at least they have showed up this time.
ShinHan ProLeague: 2 matches played
sThese two matches from ShinHan Bank ProLeague were played between MBCGame, HanBit Stars, CJ Entus and KTF MagicNs. MBC lost to HanBit in a close match, 2-3, while CJ brought down KTF with a 3-1 score. sAviOr is still on a loosing spree, being owned by a Protoss! - the great Nal_rA and Reach just lost to Sea.Jy. At least now it's a proven thing that sAviOr has been abducted. You can't possibly call that pathetic creature sAviOr! And I remember I said "ManToss is back". Yup, he's back on his slump.
Bonus from TL.net:
Rekrul (you know him, the guy that can amaze people simply by saying that his name is Lurker spelled backwards) has re-opened his all-time blockbuster thread, "Progaming gossip". Although we get to worship those Korean gosus when watchin their games, we get to laugh our asses off when reading this guy's thread. How embarrassing!
God damn, this week had a poor crop. Anyways, you're free to express your opinions (did I say" free"? I was talking about the ones that greet me and the content) and I will see you next week. In case I won't, this means I may have been crushed by a falling piano or I won the Lotto. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/289.html - column #8
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 30.04 – 06.05.
KeSPA Ranking May 2007
kKeSPA is the Korean standing system that is refreshed each month and it has now reached its May edition. sAviOr is ranked 1st, NaDa is 2nd and Bisu is 3rd, which is quite balanced if we think of the race distribution for these three main spots. We have witnessed some good results from Hwasin (+8 spots), Sea.Up (+14 spots WTF!), iloveoov (+13 spots - that is worth many bananas, yes?), but we also have some huge downfall artists like JJu (-10 spots!), GoodFriend (-9 spots for BadFriend), Nal_rA (-7 spots, he didn't even dream this coming) , ZergMan (-10 spots!). The 30th spot says, according to Programizer, July or ZergMan, with -8 spots, which is pretty confusing: everyone knows that you CAN'T mistake the chubby Zerg! Right, James Hetfield? "Yeah!". You see?
OSL Race Distribution
nadaSonuvBob created a thread where he gave us the race distribution from the OSL and the Qualifiers. While, at first, it seemed like Terrans were spamming this race, the updated news revealed that Zerg players (37%) are, in fact, the most - that being the overall percentage. Hmm, that is many Zerg, yes?
StarCraft on Romanian TV
ArenaTV, a Romanian broadcasting station for Internet streams, just made a deal with the StarCraft.ro admins: from now on, each week, there will be a 2 hour program dedicated to StarCraft. This program is supposed to contain live matches, player interviews, or just StarCraft stuff. Well, since many players don't know where Romania is (it's not in Africa, I can tell you that), it is a good thing that it is streamed. I am now officially recruiting pupils for Romanian language studies.
StarCraft Comic: Devouring One
Over at Blizzforums, a guy known as MasterBoo started a StarCraft comic called "Devouring One".1 He uses both in-game images and personal-made images to illustrate the story of a Zergling hero. You see, kids, this is what happens when you have WAY to much spare time on your time. That should stimulate them to get a job and stop being parental sponges.
BroodWarMaps.net - New additions
BWM.net is a site based on the StarCraft map-making community. They were once a sausage delivery system via Internet, but few customers were interested in buying such meat from a site called BroodWarMaps, so the owners changed their field of activity. This proved to be a interesting move, as they have more success now with the map-making industry, as they have just released their newest products: (2)Bifrost converse, (4)Aquaridge and (4)Deliverance 2. I will take this opportunity to let you know that I too have created some (lame) maps at BWM.net and that Aquaridge looks suspiciously much like one of my old maps. I may be paranoid, but I never sued anyone before, so I wanna see how it really feels like.
bExcello adds 4 Polish players
Team Excello has been busy as hell lately: they have now 4 more Polish players to their rosters: MoonShine, Vapur, Loid and Marcinu. Excello's explanation is that they want to attend many events and some of their existing players have inactivity-related problems. Bartar should really stop watching the "Pokemon - Collect them all" series.
StarCraft - The board game
The Swedish site SKBOK.se has a new addition that goes by the name "StarCraft - The Board Game". Although it has not been out yet, it can be pre-ordered for € 94. I will not bother to yell at the outrageously high price, in stead I will begin assuming: I'm assuming this is the StarCraft 2 we have been all waiting for, I'm assuming this is the 3D graphics they are all talking about, and I'm assuming that micro will look extremely embarrassing if someone steps into the room just when you were dodging Lurker spines with the Marines.
GosuGamers Rankings - May 2007
3Each month, GosuGamers post their updated non-Korean rankings, based on the players' performances or inactivity. MYM.SEn is ranked 1st, xLo.Draco is 2nd (+10 spots this month, holy shit!) and Legend is 3rd. A new addition to the database is IefNaij, who is ranked #9 right now. Draco managed to get that high not by crack, but thanks to his performances in the ESL tournament. But still, don't underestimate that Mary Juana! Buy now! Not available in stores! Except for Netherlands...
UGT Vanilla Ladder started
It's been a while since UGT was launched, but now it's time for a new season (the 6th season) of this Vanilla ladder. The former head coder for TLTour, Tiger, explained that this ladder has a newly upgraded system which includes automatic match reporting, a new anti-hack, and so on and so forth. I don't know how many players still play StarCraft Original and I still don't understand why it is called "Vanilla". Which chef came up with this idea anyway? What about "Cucumber Ladder", or "Salmon fume with Roquefort sauce flambé Ladder"?
BWML season 6
4The BroodWar Massacre League was originally intended to be a North America and South America tournament, but due to its interest, starting with the 4th season, BWML is now an international tournament. There are now 24 teams divided into 3 groups, so that's 8 teams per group, for the mentally challenged reading this. The format will be 4 1x1 and 1 2x2. This being said... oh, wait, Mr. Bush has something to say: "Ever since the 9-11 Massacre, The United States have..." Mr. Bush, thank you, that is enough...
World Cup issue: Taiwan vs. Australia
5Taiwan played vs. Australia in the World Cup event and the result was 3-2 in the favor of Taiwan. Pretty easy so far, right? Good. This result magically changed into a 3-1 for the Australians, because according to them, Taiwan used 2 players that were not registered at WGTour as being part of the team. The only way to solve this is by using the old fashion way: Fight Club for the guys and CatFight Club for the pansies.
poGDI's SHowMatches and 2v2 Archive
6poGDI, a member of ToT, started a project that is meant to bring regular players closer to the good ones: he intends to make showmatches between a JohnDoe-player and semi-pro in a BO7, so that means 4 games per showmatch. This guy also wants to create a 2v2 replay section, which is not that bad. I want to see a Chuck Norris showmatch!
MBC King Of Clans: The finals
mMBC is hosting a tournament for 8 Korean clans (fOu, Ever, By, Sea, S.G, ArnC, Shield, and GsP) and since some games have been played, we have now the final. Clan Sea will face clan Shield in about one week; the VODs for the games already played are available btw, if you care to take a look. Right, anyways, I never imagined Sea is such a good clan. Of course it's sarcasm, everyone knew they will own everyone. The new metal album form band Sea, "Rape ‘em all!" has some Metallica influences.
Avaton Tournament Series #6
Avaton Tournament is based on maps from BWM.net. Multiply that by 6 and you get the 6th edition.
Dream Match: sAviOr vs BoxeR
bA charity showmatch between The Maestro and The Emperor was played, with $ 8000 being raised from the fans and another $ 8000 from CJ Entus and Airforce. (look at that kid in green, he's god damn scary!) The last encounter was embarrassing for BoxeR, as he was ruthlessly buttf*cked (3-0) by the guy that doesn't know what a smile looks like. But this time things changed: BoxeR was ruthlessly butt-f*cked with a 2-0 score.
sAviOr's journal revealed
sRemember BoxeR's journals that were gathered into a book? Well, it seems that sAviOr now has a journal too. Journal sounds normal, so I'll stick to the "diary" term. I haven't read them yet, but if they start with "Dear diary", they sure are great. Wait, James Bond just managed so sneak in and get me a few details about his next diary: "Dear diary, (I knew it!) Yesterday I just raped BoxeR in a BO3. It all worked as planned, and I also managed to get one of those kids for dinner. Yes, he was on the menu. Why do they think the Defiler is my favorite unit? And the poor stupid fans still think I did a Roman salute. LOL!"
Blizzard denies MMO rumors
It was recently reported that the next Blizzard game, probably StarCraft 2, will be in MMO style. The poor bastards that wrote the original news were bravely interrupted by Blizzard, who stated that they don't have that thing included into the future plans. AH, god damn, and I was just waiting for creating my LVL 70 Hydralisk. I guess I will have to get consolation from that extremely-expensive-and-lame-which-I-don't-think-I-will-ever-like StarCraft board game.
MgZ wins BWCL Cup
8MgZ just won this BWCL Cup, facing (and winning against) team 3D in the finals. The result was a 4-1 for the French-based team. Omlette du fromage!
Midian will play at WCG UK
mAfter the countless midnight calls (involving a dark outcome -probably ending on the seabed with cement shoes- if he will play poker) that Midian kept receiving, he has decided that he will try to tame the community by showing his face at the WCG UK. Well, it's better; the monsters are a bit calm for the moment.
cNew StarCraft comic
After the "Devouring One" comic, we now have another guy that gave it a shot. The new one is called "Larry the Larva" and it now has only one episode. OK now, am I the only twisted creature that thinks this comics' universe has gone a bit too far?
NeO - The movie by Hellstrand
Hellstrand made another movie about the members of NeO. First of all, NeO is a team of mercs, therefore it's not a team. Second, I hope it doesn't have music that I should dance to, since I'm supposed to watch it sitting. Third, the quote "BroodWar is not a game, it is a gift from heaven!" is a bit weird. Smoking pot should be illegal!
OK, that's all for this week. Hope you liked this one too and I'll see you next week. Remember: if you enjoyed it, take some time and write your opinions here. Cheers!
KeSPA Ranking May 2007
kKeSPA is the Korean standing system that is refreshed each month and it has now reached its May edition. sAviOr is ranked 1st, NaDa is 2nd and Bisu is 3rd, which is quite balanced if we think of the race distribution for these three main spots. We have witnessed some good results from Hwasin (+8 spots), Sea.Up (+14 spots WTF!), iloveoov (+13 spots - that is worth many bananas, yes?), but we also have some huge downfall artists like JJu (-10 spots!), GoodFriend (-9 spots for BadFriend), Nal_rA (-7 spots, he didn't even dream this coming) , ZergMan (-10 spots!). The 30th spot says, according to Programizer, July or ZergMan, with -8 spots, which is pretty confusing: everyone knows that you CAN'T mistake the chubby Zerg! Right, James Hetfield? "Yeah!". You see?
OSL Race Distribution
nadaSonuvBob created a thread where he gave us the race distribution from the OSL and the Qualifiers. While, at first, it seemed like Terrans were spamming this race, the updated news revealed that Zerg players (37%) are, in fact, the most - that being the overall percentage. Hmm, that is many Zerg, yes?
StarCraft on Romanian TV
ArenaTV, a Romanian broadcasting station for Internet streams, just made a deal with the StarCraft.ro admins: from now on, each week, there will be a 2 hour program dedicated to StarCraft. This program is supposed to contain live matches, player interviews, or just StarCraft stuff. Well, since many players don't know where Romania is (it's not in Africa, I can tell you that), it is a good thing that it is streamed. I am now officially recruiting pupils for Romanian language studies.
StarCraft Comic: Devouring One
Over at Blizzforums, a guy known as MasterBoo started a StarCraft comic called "Devouring One".1 He uses both in-game images and personal-made images to illustrate the story of a Zergling hero. You see, kids, this is what happens when you have WAY to much spare time on your time. That should stimulate them to get a job and stop being parental sponges.
BroodWarMaps.net - New additions
BWM.net is a site based on the StarCraft map-making community. They were once a sausage delivery system via Internet, but few customers were interested in buying such meat from a site called BroodWarMaps, so the owners changed their field of activity. This proved to be a interesting move, as they have more success now with the map-making industry, as they have just released their newest products: (2)Bifrost converse, (4)Aquaridge and (4)Deliverance 2. I will take this opportunity to let you know that I too have created some (lame) maps at BWM.net and that Aquaridge looks suspiciously much like one of my old maps. I may be paranoid, but I never sued anyone before, so I wanna see how it really feels like.
bExcello adds 4 Polish players
Team Excello has been busy as hell lately: they have now 4 more Polish players to their rosters: MoonShine, Vapur, Loid and Marcinu. Excello's explanation is that they want to attend many events and some of their existing players have inactivity-related problems. Bartar should really stop watching the "Pokemon - Collect them all" series.
StarCraft - The board game
The Swedish site SKBOK.se has a new addition that goes by the name "StarCraft - The Board Game". Although it has not been out yet, it can be pre-ordered for € 94. I will not bother to yell at the outrageously high price, in stead I will begin assuming: I'm assuming this is the StarCraft 2 we have been all waiting for, I'm assuming this is the 3D graphics they are all talking about, and I'm assuming that micro will look extremely embarrassing if someone steps into the room just when you were dodging Lurker spines with the Marines.
GosuGamers Rankings - May 2007
3Each month, GosuGamers post their updated non-Korean rankings, based on the players' performances or inactivity. MYM.SEn is ranked 1st, xLo.Draco is 2nd (+10 spots this month, holy shit!) and Legend is 3rd. A new addition to the database is IefNaij, who is ranked #9 right now. Draco managed to get that high not by crack, but thanks to his performances in the ESL tournament. But still, don't underestimate that Mary Juana! Buy now! Not available in stores! Except for Netherlands...
UGT Vanilla Ladder started
It's been a while since UGT was launched, but now it's time for a new season (the 6th season) of this Vanilla ladder. The former head coder for TLTour, Tiger, explained that this ladder has a newly upgraded system which includes automatic match reporting, a new anti-hack, and so on and so forth. I don't know how many players still play StarCraft Original and I still don't understand why it is called "Vanilla". Which chef came up with this idea anyway? What about "Cucumber Ladder", or "Salmon fume with Roquefort sauce flambé Ladder"?
BWML season 6
4The BroodWar Massacre League was originally intended to be a North America and South America tournament, but due to its interest, starting with the 4th season, BWML is now an international tournament. There are now 24 teams divided into 3 groups, so that's 8 teams per group, for the mentally challenged reading this. The format will be 4 1x1 and 1 2x2. This being said... oh, wait, Mr. Bush has something to say: "Ever since the 9-11 Massacre, The United States have..." Mr. Bush, thank you, that is enough...
World Cup issue: Taiwan vs. Australia
5Taiwan played vs. Australia in the World Cup event and the result was 3-2 in the favor of Taiwan. Pretty easy so far, right? Good. This result magically changed into a 3-1 for the Australians, because according to them, Taiwan used 2 players that were not registered at WGTour as being part of the team. The only way to solve this is by using the old fashion way: Fight Club for the guys and CatFight Club for the pansies.
poGDI's SHowMatches and 2v2 Archive
6poGDI, a member of ToT, started a project that is meant to bring regular players closer to the good ones: he intends to make showmatches between a JohnDoe-player and semi-pro in a BO7, so that means 4 games per showmatch. This guy also wants to create a 2v2 replay section, which is not that bad. I want to see a Chuck Norris showmatch!
MBC King Of Clans: The finals
mMBC is hosting a tournament for 8 Korean clans (fOu, Ever, By, Sea, S.G, ArnC, Shield, and GsP) and since some games have been played, we have now the final. Clan Sea will face clan Shield in about one week; the VODs for the games already played are available btw, if you care to take a look. Right, anyways, I never imagined Sea is such a good clan. Of course it's sarcasm, everyone knew they will own everyone. The new metal album form band Sea, "Rape ‘em all!" has some Metallica influences.
Avaton Tournament Series #6
Avaton Tournament is based on maps from BWM.net. Multiply that by 6 and you get the 6th edition.
Dream Match: sAviOr vs BoxeR
bA charity showmatch between The Maestro and The Emperor was played, with $ 8000 being raised from the fans and another $ 8000 from CJ Entus and Airforce. (look at that kid in green, he's god damn scary!) The last encounter was embarrassing for BoxeR, as he was ruthlessly buttf*cked (3-0) by the guy that doesn't know what a smile looks like. But this time things changed: BoxeR was ruthlessly butt-f*cked with a 2-0 score.
sAviOr's journal revealed
sRemember BoxeR's journals that were gathered into a book? Well, it seems that sAviOr now has a journal too. Journal sounds normal, so I'll stick to the "diary" term. I haven't read them yet, but if they start with "Dear diary", they sure are great. Wait, James Bond just managed so sneak in and get me a few details about his next diary: "Dear diary, (I knew it!) Yesterday I just raped BoxeR in a BO3. It all worked as planned, and I also managed to get one of those kids for dinner. Yes, he was on the menu. Why do they think the Defiler is my favorite unit? And the poor stupid fans still think I did a Roman salute. LOL!"
Blizzard denies MMO rumors
It was recently reported that the next Blizzard game, probably StarCraft 2, will be in MMO style. The poor bastards that wrote the original news were bravely interrupted by Blizzard, who stated that they don't have that thing included into the future plans. AH, god damn, and I was just waiting for creating my LVL 70 Hydralisk. I guess I will have to get consolation from that extremely-expensive-and-lame-which-I-don't-think-I-will-ever-like StarCraft board game.
MgZ wins BWCL Cup
8MgZ just won this BWCL Cup, facing (and winning against) team 3D in the finals. The result was a 4-1 for the French-based team. Omlette du fromage!
Midian will play at WCG UK
mAfter the countless midnight calls (involving a dark outcome -probably ending on the seabed with cement shoes- if he will play poker) that Midian kept receiving, he has decided that he will try to tame the community by showing his face at the WCG UK. Well, it's better; the monsters are a bit calm for the moment.
cNew StarCraft comic
After the "Devouring One" comic, we now have another guy that gave it a shot. The new one is called "Larry the Larva" and it now has only one episode. OK now, am I the only twisted creature that thinks this comics' universe has gone a bit too far?
NeO - The movie by Hellstrand
Hellstrand made another movie about the members of NeO. First of all, NeO is a team of mercs, therefore it's not a team. Second, I hope it doesn't have music that I should dance to, since I'm supposed to watch it sitting. Third, the quote "BroodWar is not a game, it is a gift from heaven!" is a bit weird. Smoking pot should be illegal!
OK, that's all for this week. Hope you liked this one too and I'll see you next week. Remember: if you enjoyed it, take some time and write your opinions here. Cheers!
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/300.html - column #9
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 07.05 – 14.05.
I had a fu#@+~ terrible day. I had tons of work, my left foot hurts, I got kicked in the nuts, I just renewed my contract... all of these are bad as s*it. So I am gonna have my refuge here. Don't ruin it, people!
fFragBet: xLo 4 - 2 DkH
Beckham, the Chinese guy that claimed he could go top 10 in the GosuGamers database proved it again. Proved that he can't.
WSCL: King of the West
kThis tournament consists of 7 smaller tournaments, just like BW4Ever, and it's made in collaboration with Cyber Gaming Media; these ones will last from May 19th to June 30th. The entrance fee is $1 (one American dollar, we ain't takin' them Canadian sh~t, we are the big proud Americans) and you get a chance to win $300. It is a normal, classical, Lotto-like scam: you put some small money thinking you will get much more. And the picture of the Hydra with the crown (click the the link above) is just priceless. Right, James? "Yeah!"
July leaves MBCGame Hero
JulyZerg and Pusan were put on waivers by the MBCGame management due to their rather weak results compared to their salaries.j Eventually Pusan (whom we will now call "The Slave") decided to stay at MBC even though he will be having a smaller salary. However, July takes shit from nobody, so he's waving goodbye from some sort of schoolbus, probably heading to SKT1's HQ. We all know July's latest performances weren't that bad to need such decisions, it's just that the leaders needed a reason to kick him out. When July was not watched, the food depots got raided, burnt down, with teeth marks over the metal edges. His appetite is beyond human comprehension.
Ilintar: "WGT will start soon"
wIlintar, one of the superadmins from WGTour, claimed that since the LDK (League Development Kit, you've read before about this one, I know you did) has been launched, the WGT ladder is not far from being launched as well; that means that patch 1.15 will be out as well. Wow, great news, let's all get drunk and make a big fat sex-feast! Besides the fact that when some Blizzard.SC changes his socks, he likes to match it with a new patch, I still don't believe that WGT will be out that soon.
PGR21 final results
pjThis one's real good. Check it out: Fantasy, bit, Pj and Draco were the semi-finalists, Fantasy won over Draco and bit raped Pj. However, at the score of 3-1 for bit, where the remaining match had no importance, the Korean dude left, probably his mom needed some rice from the local store, whatever. But look at this solid intelligence proof that the PGR21 admins gave: since NsP_bit left at that result, Pj was given a free win. These guys are either stupid, or sadistic: they wanted the Korean semi-finalists to take turns in raping the poor unsuspecting Chinese prey.
Live at GIGA2: fosken (Mireille) vs sO.o
gFosken from Dkh was supposed to show up at GIGA2 in order to play vs the American sO.o, but this Polish dude thought it was not for him, so he honored us by not showing up. Fortunately, the day was saved by Mireille, who appears to have been at the right place at the right time (wtf, Mireille was just passing by and he said to himself "eh, I'm bored, I'm gonna get myself some American butthole to crack"), acting like the knight in shiny mousepad armor. He spotted the GIGA 2 chicka, a dame in distress, with the evil sO.o and the lame fosken taking advantage of her. Mireille got the girl and half the kingdom.
Excello wins BWCL season 25
b3000 players divided into over 200 teams, divided into 23 divisions = BWCL 25. Excello won this season with a team stats of 9-1-0. Excello's MVP was MistrZZZ... oh sorry, xLo.MIStrZZZ, this guy is a prick when it comes to spelling his name correctly. Imagine him now, with his normal Arrogance Aura (-5 to anti-fans' morale), now he's the best of the best in BWCL League. It is Apocalypse I tell you!
WGTCL Week 5: MgZ 5 - 0 xLo
I tawt I taw Excello getting raped like some innocent little schoolgirl on a dark alley. I did, I did!
New Draco VODs from PGR21
dFive new VODs from the PGR21 tournament containing the five matches between the Polish Draco and the Korean Fantasy got released. I've been waiting for them for quite some time... that's why I have to re-order pizza and coke. Chech the MYM Download Center for them!
MYM KotH: Mireille vs Squall
mThe second edition of the MYM KotH has Mireille and Squall battling it out for the hill. I finally figured out that Squall is the name of a hero from the Final Fantasy series, so Mireille (which I am so sure that it designates a girl name) is my favorite man for this match. I may open a fast-food restaurant that will rival McDonalds with the slogan "Final Fantasy. I'm loving it not."
Team National Tour started
ggTeam National Tour, or TNT, is a GosuGamers event that brings together 16 players from 8 countries, which is approximately 2 players per country, correct me if I'm wrong. Germany, Canada, USA, Czech Rep, Poland, Sweden and France are competing in this tourney. Let's hope it will also have an ending (happy? whatever), not like the StarLeague stuff that drowned when reaching for the shore.
Mireille, Raistlin and Whiz at a Swedish SC LAN
rThese guys and some more met on May 12th at a Swedish LanCafe called ZkillZ that is located in Stockholm. According to Raistlin (pic), there was also a modeling and a karaoke contest, which made the SC contest look like J.Lo with no money. It takes some balls to register to a karaoke contest, not to mention the modeling section. Raistlin, PLEASE tell me you had them on tape! <3
Blizzard WorldWide Invitational 2007
bThis one's the third such tournament that Blizzard hosts. This time, the tournament will be held in South Korea, where Blizzard will announce something big (or at least that's what we all hope). 8 players, 4 Koreans and 4 non-Koreans, have been chosen and they were divided first into 4 matches of Korean vs non-Korean (are these ones really necessary? We all know the results wtf!): Nal_rA vs Pj, sAviOr vs SEn, Nada vs Draco and Bisu vs Testie. I don't really know what is Nal_rA doing there, and I don't know how can the non-Korean survive the onslaught. Event sponsored by Blizzard and Lubricants'R'Us.
TNT: datboy wins
sThe first round of the Team National Tour has ended and the Swedish datboy managed to win it, defeating the Polish Yayba in the finals. MIStrZZZ, iNcontroL and Testie bit the dust as fast as you can say "wha?"
XiaoZi to WCG China Finals
How do you "Good for him!" in Chinese?
sStarCraft school starts
TheTrueL created a project called "StarCraft School" where he and four more guys are the teachers. Great idea, but what if you cheat on the micro tests? What if you skip school? They'll probably rush to your room with Gauss-Rifle-like baseball bats to teach you a new lesson: pain.
22 new Korean VODs
A StarCraft addict's idea of a Saturday night. You know I'm right.
New splash screen on Blizzard.com
bBlizzard did what it enjoys the most: teasing. They have placed a new frontpage banner that shows the games they created like PacMan, Mario or Solitaire. And StarCraft, WarCraft or Diablo, yeah. They are toying with us and they like it, those sick bastards. With just few more days until the announcement, everyone is trapped in an RPG: find out wtf is Blizzard is going to announce before anyone else. Blizzard behaves like god damn Lassie: it wants to say something, but nobody understands.
Bonus: Hot_Bid's Ceremony article
tHot_Bid wrote on TL.net about the necessity to make a show out of a pro-gaming match. It seems more and more natural to make a fool (or a pimp) out of yourself by displaying some after-match moves, playing with fire or cards, writing on the back of your t-shirt some stuff, etc. The bottom line is that winning in a boring style is like so uncool, and even if you did manage to pull of some crazy micro, the crowd will want to see you play the accordion, or do some Russian dance, some breakdance moves or act like a mime (if you manage to break your leg doing this, even better!). You all saw the Korean intros, where all the players shoot fireballs and shit. Superheroes for these guys are not fantasies, they are options.
This week's column has come to an end and my balls are doing fine (=> my voice is fine again). Thanks for tuning in again and see you next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
I had a fu#@+~ terrible day. I had tons of work, my left foot hurts, I got kicked in the nuts, I just renewed my contract... all of these are bad as s*it. So I am gonna have my refuge here. Don't ruin it, people!
fFragBet: xLo 4 - 2 DkH
Beckham, the Chinese guy that claimed he could go top 10 in the GosuGamers database proved it again. Proved that he can't.
WSCL: King of the West
kThis tournament consists of 7 smaller tournaments, just like BW4Ever, and it's made in collaboration with Cyber Gaming Media; these ones will last from May 19th to June 30th. The entrance fee is $1 (one American dollar, we ain't takin' them Canadian sh~t, we are the big proud Americans) and you get a chance to win $300. It is a normal, classical, Lotto-like scam: you put some small money thinking you will get much more. And the picture of the Hydra with the crown (click the the link above) is just priceless. Right, James? "Yeah!"
July leaves MBCGame Hero
JulyZerg and Pusan were put on waivers by the MBCGame management due to their rather weak results compared to their salaries.j Eventually Pusan (whom we will now call "The Slave") decided to stay at MBC even though he will be having a smaller salary. However, July takes shit from nobody, so he's waving goodbye from some sort of schoolbus, probably heading to SKT1's HQ. We all know July's latest performances weren't that bad to need such decisions, it's just that the leaders needed a reason to kick him out. When July was not watched, the food depots got raided, burnt down, with teeth marks over the metal edges. His appetite is beyond human comprehension.
Ilintar: "WGT will start soon"
wIlintar, one of the superadmins from WGTour, claimed that since the LDK (League Development Kit, you've read before about this one, I know you did) has been launched, the WGT ladder is not far from being launched as well; that means that patch 1.15 will be out as well. Wow, great news, let's all get drunk and make a big fat sex-feast! Besides the fact that when some Blizzard.SC changes his socks, he likes to match it with a new patch, I still don't believe that WGT will be out that soon.
PGR21 final results
pjThis one's real good. Check it out: Fantasy, bit, Pj and Draco were the semi-finalists, Fantasy won over Draco and bit raped Pj. However, at the score of 3-1 for bit, where the remaining match had no importance, the Korean dude left, probably his mom needed some rice from the local store, whatever. But look at this solid intelligence proof that the PGR21 admins gave: since NsP_bit left at that result, Pj was given a free win. These guys are either stupid, or sadistic: they wanted the Korean semi-finalists to take turns in raping the poor unsuspecting Chinese prey.
Live at GIGA2: fosken (Mireille) vs sO.o
gFosken from Dkh was supposed to show up at GIGA2 in order to play vs the American sO.o, but this Polish dude thought it was not for him, so he honored us by not showing up. Fortunately, the day was saved by Mireille, who appears to have been at the right place at the right time (wtf, Mireille was just passing by and he said to himself "eh, I'm bored, I'm gonna get myself some American butthole to crack"), acting like the knight in shiny mousepad armor. He spotted the GIGA 2 chicka, a dame in distress, with the evil sO.o and the lame fosken taking advantage of her. Mireille got the girl and half the kingdom.
Excello wins BWCL season 25
b3000 players divided into over 200 teams, divided into 23 divisions = BWCL 25. Excello won this season with a team stats of 9-1-0. Excello's MVP was MistrZZZ... oh sorry, xLo.MIStrZZZ, this guy is a prick when it comes to spelling his name correctly. Imagine him now, with his normal Arrogance Aura (-5 to anti-fans' morale), now he's the best of the best in BWCL League. It is Apocalypse I tell you!
WGTCL Week 5: MgZ 5 - 0 xLo
I tawt I taw Excello getting raped like some innocent little schoolgirl on a dark alley. I did, I did!
New Draco VODs from PGR21
dFive new VODs from the PGR21 tournament containing the five matches between the Polish Draco and the Korean Fantasy got released. I've been waiting for them for quite some time... that's why I have to re-order pizza and coke. Chech the MYM Download Center for them!
MYM KotH: Mireille vs Squall
mThe second edition of the MYM KotH has Mireille and Squall battling it out for the hill. I finally figured out that Squall is the name of a hero from the Final Fantasy series, so Mireille (which I am so sure that it designates a girl name) is my favorite man for this match. I may open a fast-food restaurant that will rival McDonalds with the slogan "Final Fantasy. I'm loving it not."
Team National Tour started
ggTeam National Tour, or TNT, is a GosuGamers event that brings together 16 players from 8 countries, which is approximately 2 players per country, correct me if I'm wrong. Germany, Canada, USA, Czech Rep, Poland, Sweden and France are competing in this tourney. Let's hope it will also have an ending (happy? whatever), not like the StarLeague stuff that drowned when reaching for the shore.
Mireille, Raistlin and Whiz at a Swedish SC LAN
rThese guys and some more met on May 12th at a Swedish LanCafe called ZkillZ that is located in Stockholm. According to Raistlin (pic), there was also a modeling and a karaoke contest, which made the SC contest look like J.Lo with no money. It takes some balls to register to a karaoke contest, not to mention the modeling section. Raistlin, PLEASE tell me you had them on tape! <3
Blizzard WorldWide Invitational 2007
bThis one's the third such tournament that Blizzard hosts. This time, the tournament will be held in South Korea, where Blizzard will announce something big (or at least that's what we all hope). 8 players, 4 Koreans and 4 non-Koreans, have been chosen and they were divided first into 4 matches of Korean vs non-Korean (are these ones really necessary? We all know the results wtf!): Nal_rA vs Pj, sAviOr vs SEn, Nada vs Draco and Bisu vs Testie. I don't really know what is Nal_rA doing there, and I don't know how can the non-Korean survive the onslaught. Event sponsored by Blizzard and Lubricants'R'Us.
TNT: datboy wins
sThe first round of the Team National Tour has ended and the Swedish datboy managed to win it, defeating the Polish Yayba in the finals. MIStrZZZ, iNcontroL and Testie bit the dust as fast as you can say "wha?"
XiaoZi to WCG China Finals
How do you "Good for him!" in Chinese?
sStarCraft school starts
TheTrueL created a project called "StarCraft School" where he and four more guys are the teachers. Great idea, but what if you cheat on the micro tests? What if you skip school? They'll probably rush to your room with Gauss-Rifle-like baseball bats to teach you a new lesson: pain.
22 new Korean VODs
A StarCraft addict's idea of a Saturday night. You know I'm right.
New splash screen on Blizzard.com
bBlizzard did what it enjoys the most: teasing. They have placed a new frontpage banner that shows the games they created like PacMan, Mario or Solitaire. And StarCraft, WarCraft or Diablo, yeah. They are toying with us and they like it, those sick bastards. With just few more days until the announcement, everyone is trapped in an RPG: find out wtf is Blizzard is going to announce before anyone else. Blizzard behaves like god damn Lassie: it wants to say something, but nobody understands.
Bonus: Hot_Bid's Ceremony article
tHot_Bid wrote on TL.net about the necessity to make a show out of a pro-gaming match. It seems more and more natural to make a fool (or a pimp) out of yourself by displaying some after-match moves, playing with fire or cards, writing on the back of your t-shirt some stuff, etc. The bottom line is that winning in a boring style is like so uncool, and even if you did manage to pull of some crazy micro, the crowd will want to see you play the accordion, or do some Russian dance, some breakdance moves or act like a mime (if you manage to break your leg doing this, even better!). You all saw the Korean intros, where all the players shoot fireballs and shit. Superheroes for these guys are not fantasies, they are options.
This week's column has come to an end and my balls are doing fine (=> my voice is fine again). Thanks for tuning in again and see you next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/315.html - column #10
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 14.05 – 21.05.
BW and boxing
1Mariencelo wrote a blog called Sense of Star, where he recently compared some boxing styles the Korean BW style. And I remember Bruce Lee telling that a fighter should be like water. Basically, you should be anything except yourself. If you are stupid and ugly, chances are you will be following these advices sooner than the rest.
Pre-order StareCraft 2
22On May 19th, Blizzard will announce Star... will announce a new feature at an opening ceremony in South Korea. Sensing that StarCraft 2 will be the one that Blizzard will announce, some Swiss store decided to reserve some copies of the future game by offering the pre-order ability to its customers. Nostradamus is just a lucky noob!
MYM KOTH: Mireille vs Squall
mMeetYourMakers hosted the second KOTH edition, with the reigning champ, Mireille, facing the Spanish Zerg Squall. Unfortunately... wait, there's no unfortunately. Squall just got raped with ease and Mireille doesn't want to give away his spot on the hill. Mireille takes sh*t from nobody.
19 new Korean VODs
"- So, what are your plans for THIS Saturday night, baby?
- Well, I dunno, baby, maybe we can go out and have some fun.
- C'mon, baby, don't you wanna see my brave zealot?
- Ah, you mean your larva..."
500+ replays of XellOs
Yaoyuan uploaded a replay pack of XellOs containing 505 replays. I told a friend that I just found a huge replay pack with a guy that was called "The Perfect Terran" and he didn't care, so I shot him in the mouth. He was disrespectful.
StarCraft patch 1.15 is out
Not available in stores!
WGTour and Blizzard start WGT ladder
wRemember Blizzard? Remember WGT ladder? Awwwww, those were the days. Well, those days are gone and you should f*cking stop living in the past. Ever since Blizzard took over WGTour, we were enjoying the advantages of not having a real ladder. Now, the beta season has just started and my stats suck. You know what they say about guys with little stats...
NaDa interview
NaDa: Oops, I think I did it again, I got interviewed, oh baby, baby, oops, I di... that's enough, NaDa... Jesus!...nada So anyways, NaDa is having a good time mopping the floor with the other yellow-skinned, peanut-eyed players and as a reward, he got a? A? No, not a dildo, he got that last week. No, the rubber crocodile was two weeks ago! C'mon, work with me! He got an in-ter-view! Ta-da! Being a busy man like he is, he mentioned that he doesn't have time to come up with fantastic strategies for both the OSL and MSL, so he will be forced to pawn them using some strategies that involve satanic macro and A+ click on minimap. Oh yeah, Free[gm] was interviewed too.
New BWLauncher for 1.15 in progress
Ashur answered the crowd that he will work to bring us a BWLauncher for the 1.15 patch and that it will come out pretty soon. With the new patch stealing away the APM live, obs mode and auto-replay functions, the crowd went wild! Right, commentator Jim? It certainly did, Bob. Thank you, Jim. As I was saying, the new patch has this cool stuff taken away from us. Add to this a new ladder with virtually 0 hack defense and you get a wild crowd. Many of the gamers now don't eat food unless they hunt for it themselves. And that's Blizzard's fault, since they're the ones driving them (with a mini van, I think) wild. Bad Blizzard, bad!
v25 new VODs at MYM
Unfortunately, these "VODs with love", as those guys like to call them, don't come with condoms. So they are simply "VODs with unprotected love".
bWhite-Ra to MYM
White-Ra left Bartar (it's been a while since I talked about him, huh?) and joined Army and the MYM.sc squad. Apparently White-Ra stayed there so that he won't break poor Bartar's heart. Bartar, Viagra can do so much in a relationship!
OSL Ro16 Week 2 Results
OSL has now entered its good-gaming phase, since the chaff has been separated from the wheat. (If you know who said this and where it was said, PM or just write the answer here and you will get something special). Anyways, Flash won vs Light, Bisu pawned Nada's head for a great amount of gold,oo Shark defeated Justin (Bifrost's aka is Justin! how much gayer than that?) and UpMagic raped Casy. The commentators went wild as usual, but no injuries were reported. They probably have professional stuntmen doing that GIEEEEE GIEEEE screaming and shit.
SaviOr switches to Terran
s"Enough pawning with Zerg" time, sAviOr must have said to himself, as he has decided to play Terran in stead of Zerg when facing Zerg opponents. For the other match-ups, he will still be controlling the Swarms, and the KeSPA rules agree, if the player announces that a week in advance. sAviOr did that 8 days before, which is usually more than a week. Zergs turning one to another must have brought some tears to his eyes.
Blizzard officially announces StarCraft II
scPlace: Seoul, South Korea. Time: 14:00 KOR (that's 07:00 CET). Event: Blizzard reveals a new project. Ok, now that we have these details up, let's continue. Blizzard launched in front of the Korean zergli... audience a new project that goes by the name of... drums, please... oh, yeah... wait, a bit more... StarCraft II! And the crowd goes wild! With a trailer video, some ingame stuff, Korean voices... perfect! "We are Blizzard. Resistance is futile." - Blizzard's new slogan for which they will make me rich.
Blizzard WWI results
ww4 Koreans faced 4 non-Koreans at this year's Blizzard WorldWide Invitational. Keeping the tradition, the non-Koreans got raped with a ritual (but still, SEn managed to secure a win from sAviOr OMG!) and after that they played each other. sAviOr took down Nal_rA and Bisu owned NaDa. The grand final had sAviOr losing to Bisu Lee with a score of 2-1. The replays are not released because watching these gosus play will irreversibly change your life. Your world will never be the same again.
bBoxeR talks about StarCraft II
When asked about his opinion on StarCraft II, BoxeR said: "Really." Ok, thanks for the interview, back to scrubbing toilets.
BONUS
Romania just held a referendum in which the people (who are not called aborigines cause Romania is not is Africa in case you didn't know) were asked to vote YES or NO. YES if they want the president Basescu (a funny guy) or NO, if they want to keep him. The news world-wide followed the event, and Basescu is still president, since 75% of the ones who bothered to show up voted NO. Romanian politics sucks ass.
P.S: This was an insane week, with three major events: patch 1.15, WGT ladder and StarCraft II. It was pretty good but in time we will be able to differentiate the overestimated joy from the motive-based one. Let's wait ‘till the sequel is really buyable.
Ok, I'm done; hope you liked this one too. See ya next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
BW and boxing
1Mariencelo wrote a blog called Sense of Star, where he recently compared some boxing styles the Korean BW style. And I remember Bruce Lee telling that a fighter should be like water. Basically, you should be anything except yourself. If you are stupid and ugly, chances are you will be following these advices sooner than the rest.
Pre-order StareCraft 2
22On May 19th, Blizzard will announce Star... will announce a new feature at an opening ceremony in South Korea. Sensing that StarCraft 2 will be the one that Blizzard will announce, some Swiss store decided to reserve some copies of the future game by offering the pre-order ability to its customers. Nostradamus is just a lucky noob!
MYM KOTH: Mireille vs Squall
mMeetYourMakers hosted the second KOTH edition, with the reigning champ, Mireille, facing the Spanish Zerg Squall. Unfortunately... wait, there's no unfortunately. Squall just got raped with ease and Mireille doesn't want to give away his spot on the hill. Mireille takes sh*t from nobody.
19 new Korean VODs
"- So, what are your plans for THIS Saturday night, baby?
- Well, I dunno, baby, maybe we can go out and have some fun.
- C'mon, baby, don't you wanna see my brave zealot?
- Ah, you mean your larva..."
500+ replays of XellOs
Yaoyuan uploaded a replay pack of XellOs containing 505 replays. I told a friend that I just found a huge replay pack with a guy that was called "The Perfect Terran" and he didn't care, so I shot him in the mouth. He was disrespectful.
StarCraft patch 1.15 is out
Not available in stores!
WGTour and Blizzard start WGT ladder
wRemember Blizzard? Remember WGT ladder? Awwwww, those were the days. Well, those days are gone and you should f*cking stop living in the past. Ever since Blizzard took over WGTour, we were enjoying the advantages of not having a real ladder. Now, the beta season has just started and my stats suck. You know what they say about guys with little stats...
NaDa interview
NaDa: Oops, I think I did it again, I got interviewed, oh baby, baby, oops, I di... that's enough, NaDa... Jesus!...nada So anyways, NaDa is having a good time mopping the floor with the other yellow-skinned, peanut-eyed players and as a reward, he got a? A? No, not a dildo, he got that last week. No, the rubber crocodile was two weeks ago! C'mon, work with me! He got an in-ter-view! Ta-da! Being a busy man like he is, he mentioned that he doesn't have time to come up with fantastic strategies for both the OSL and MSL, so he will be forced to pawn them using some strategies that involve satanic macro and A+ click on minimap. Oh yeah, Free[gm] was interviewed too.
New BWLauncher for 1.15 in progress
Ashur answered the crowd that he will work to bring us a BWLauncher for the 1.15 patch and that it will come out pretty soon. With the new patch stealing away the APM live, obs mode and auto-replay functions, the crowd went wild! Right, commentator Jim? It certainly did, Bob. Thank you, Jim. As I was saying, the new patch has this cool stuff taken away from us. Add to this a new ladder with virtually 0 hack defense and you get a wild crowd. Many of the gamers now don't eat food unless they hunt for it themselves. And that's Blizzard's fault, since they're the ones driving them (with a mini van, I think) wild. Bad Blizzard, bad!
v25 new VODs at MYM
Unfortunately, these "VODs with love", as those guys like to call them, don't come with condoms. So they are simply "VODs with unprotected love".
bWhite-Ra to MYM
White-Ra left Bartar (it's been a while since I talked about him, huh?) and joined Army and the MYM.sc squad. Apparently White-Ra stayed there so that he won't break poor Bartar's heart. Bartar, Viagra can do so much in a relationship!
OSL Ro16 Week 2 Results
OSL has now entered its good-gaming phase, since the chaff has been separated from the wheat. (If you know who said this and where it was said, PM or just write the answer here and you will get something special). Anyways, Flash won vs Light, Bisu pawned Nada's head for a great amount of gold,oo Shark defeated Justin (Bifrost's aka is Justin! how much gayer than that?) and UpMagic raped Casy. The commentators went wild as usual, but no injuries were reported. They probably have professional stuntmen doing that GIEEEEE GIEEEE screaming and shit.
SaviOr switches to Terran
s"Enough pawning with Zerg" time, sAviOr must have said to himself, as he has decided to play Terran in stead of Zerg when facing Zerg opponents. For the other match-ups, he will still be controlling the Swarms, and the KeSPA rules agree, if the player announces that a week in advance. sAviOr did that 8 days before, which is usually more than a week. Zergs turning one to another must have brought some tears to his eyes.
Blizzard officially announces StarCraft II
scPlace: Seoul, South Korea. Time: 14:00 KOR (that's 07:00 CET). Event: Blizzard reveals a new project. Ok, now that we have these details up, let's continue. Blizzard launched in front of the Korean zergli... audience a new project that goes by the name of... drums, please... oh, yeah... wait, a bit more... StarCraft II! And the crowd goes wild! With a trailer video, some ingame stuff, Korean voices... perfect! "We are Blizzard. Resistance is futile." - Blizzard's new slogan for which they will make me rich.
Blizzard WWI results
ww4 Koreans faced 4 non-Koreans at this year's Blizzard WorldWide Invitational. Keeping the tradition, the non-Koreans got raped with a ritual (but still, SEn managed to secure a win from sAviOr OMG!) and after that they played each other. sAviOr took down Nal_rA and Bisu owned NaDa. The grand final had sAviOr losing to Bisu Lee with a score of 2-1. The replays are not released because watching these gosus play will irreversibly change your life. Your world will never be the same again.
bBoxeR talks about StarCraft II
When asked about his opinion on StarCraft II, BoxeR said: "Really." Ok, thanks for the interview, back to scrubbing toilets.
BONUS
Romania just held a referendum in which the people (who are not called aborigines cause Romania is not is Africa in case you didn't know) were asked to vote YES or NO. YES if they want the president Basescu (a funny guy) or NO, if they want to keep him. The news world-wide followed the event, and Basescu is still president, since 75% of the ones who bothered to show up voted NO. Romanian politics sucks ass.
P.S: This was an insane week, with three major events: patch 1.15, WGT ladder and StarCraft II. It was pretty good but in time we will be able to differentiate the overestimated joy from the motive-based one. Let's wait ‘till the sequel is really buyable.
Ok, I'm done; hope you liked this one too. See ya next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/316.html - column #11
+ Show Spoiler +
BWL for 1.15 released
The new BWLauncher is out now, with the PenguinPlug missing, since it’s dead. With its demise, a new plug is ready but say goodbye to APMLive, obsmode, rep with text, and the worst thing, say hello to map/mineral/drop/morph/cock hacks.
JulyZerg joins SKT1
JulyZerg decided to quit MBC Game, but people say it’s because the team’s management considered that the salary they give to God of War is way too high for his recent shape. (don’t talk about shape near July, you idiots!) The truth is that July woke up one morning, ate a fridge (whole), but it wasn’t as salty as usual. Pissed off, he had a fight with the management, trying to squish some of them to death. Fortunately he was secured by some bio-mechanical gym machines that have a will of their own and serve MBC. Furthermore, I found the secret discussion between July and SKT1 management:
“So, do we agree about the $6 monthly salary?”
”Sure, it’s enough for me. But what about the F word? (“food”)”
”Well, we at SKT1 will give you 10 kg of raw meat, 10kg of pork, 10kg of beef, 10kg of chocolate & ice cream, and an extra kg for every match you win.”
”What? 30 or no deal!”
”20!”
”25”
”Deal!”
God, July is not only good at StarCraft.
PGL China starts
The 1st Round of the Chinese StarCraft PGL has just started and we have players like Draco, IefNaij, F91, Testie, Lx, to mention only few of them. I have noticed a player going by the nickname “Dinner” – a Korean. And I thought people were mean when they said that July wins every match vs a dinner.
VGTour on its way back
To the ones that don’t know who is this VGT, allow me: an ex-money map ladder changes its sex and cuts off his money-map part. That Spartan is a cruel f*cker, he left all those poor money-map lam… players without a server. OMG they killed VGT! You bastard!
Blizzard talks about SC II
The StarCraft II main creators were involved in a Q&A series where they answered stuff about this Blizzard newborn. Well, embryo. They said they’re pretty far with SC II and that they have been working on it since 2003 (and if you remember, there were some interviews about 1 year ago where they said they don’t have SC II on their mind for the moment). Some kids went there to ask them with their math homework and some Japanese tourists that asked for directions to the Zoo, but they were quickly evicted.
Testie talks about WWI
Testie got to Blizzard’s World Wide Invitational and he was against Bisu. He lost miserably but we don’t have to worry, it was written in the stars. “Most people see it as a funny showmatch for the Koreans to totally bash the non-Korean players.” Nobody could have said it better. It’s just like when the Roman Empire was: the naughty gamers now are thrown into the Korean progamer pit.
xLo.ReK vs MgZ)MoonShine @ArenaTV
The Romanian ReK faced the Polish MoonShine in a showmatch broadcasted by ArenaTV. The Romanian got his buns red because of the Polish thrusting action (4-1). ReK was never the same after that.
”The Dark Templar” Q&A session
The StarCraft Trilogy author waited for the green light from Blizzard in order to hold this Question & Answer session. Eventually it happened and no questions regarding phone number, shoe size, favorite color or music genre were asked. This is what made this session boring because let’s face it: how many of you really read more than “Not enough minerals… mine more minerals” and stuff? The author will make money out of selling them to the relatives.
PGL showmatch
PGL announced a showmatch between Draco and F91. What all know is that F91 lost but in fact F91’s wife called him home. Wife > F91 => F91: “gg honey.”
Blizzcon 2007
Blizzard is hosting this year’s Blizzcon and some of the features are… let’s say interesting. Listen to this: “Costume, machinima, and character sound-alike contests”, “A silent auction”, “Live orchestral performances of music from Blizzard games”. I really want to see the ones imitating a Lurker or a Probe, or whatever. It will make me look at my life with much more pride and self esteem. And wtf is a silent auction? As for the live orchestra, this is taking the game a bit too far. Soon, you will be judged by the size of your Blizzard discography.
StarCraft II – pre-orderable
GameStop posted the pre-order link for StarCraft II, with the date being January 10th 2008 and the price 49.99. Here’s another lame way of creating some publicity for them thanks to a future sell-out. Way to go, hyenas, thumbs down!
BONUS:
Testie has gone to China after being in Korea for the Blizzard World Wide Invitational 2007. He lost to Bisu, but then again… who didn’t? Now he is in China to attend the PGL tournament. Apparently things are good, but no so good, since our poor Testie is a bit sick and he needs his meds. PGL seems to be treating him very nice, buying everything he wants, much like you would do to your arrgant fiancée. From what I understand, if I open a household items shop I can get real rich, real fast in China. It seems that the inhabitants worship the Toilet Paper God, since it is quite rare. I heard that it is some sort of important resource that is involved in the main transactions at Shanghai. Testie, we f*cking miss you! I know we have MiStrZZZ’s arrogance, but it’s just not the same…
Thanks for reading this again; I hope I wasn’t the only one doing this activity. I just want to thank my mom for the gift that she has give to me and all my fans who supported me. GL HF GG! yours truly, vhallee.
The new BWLauncher is out now, with the PenguinPlug missing, since it’s dead. With its demise, a new plug is ready but say goodbye to APMLive, obsmode, rep with text, and the worst thing, say hello to map/mineral/drop/morph/cock hacks.
JulyZerg joins SKT1
JulyZerg decided to quit MBC Game, but people say it’s because the team’s management considered that the salary they give to God of War is way too high for his recent shape. (don’t talk about shape near July, you idiots!) The truth is that July woke up one morning, ate a fridge (whole), but it wasn’t as salty as usual. Pissed off, he had a fight with the management, trying to squish some of them to death. Fortunately he was secured by some bio-mechanical gym machines that have a will of their own and serve MBC. Furthermore, I found the secret discussion between July and SKT1 management:
“So, do we agree about the $6 monthly salary?”
”Sure, it’s enough for me. But what about the F word? (“food”)”
”Well, we at SKT1 will give you 10 kg of raw meat, 10kg of pork, 10kg of beef, 10kg of chocolate & ice cream, and an extra kg for every match you win.”
”What? 30 or no deal!”
”20!”
”25”
”Deal!”
God, July is not only good at StarCraft.
PGL China starts
The 1st Round of the Chinese StarCraft PGL has just started and we have players like Draco, IefNaij, F91, Testie, Lx, to mention only few of them. I have noticed a player going by the nickname “Dinner” – a Korean. And I thought people were mean when they said that July wins every match vs a dinner.
VGTour on its way back
To the ones that don’t know who is this VGT, allow me: an ex-money map ladder changes its sex and cuts off his money-map part. That Spartan is a cruel f*cker, he left all those poor money-map lam… players without a server. OMG they killed VGT! You bastard!
Blizzard talks about SC II
The StarCraft II main creators were involved in a Q&A series where they answered stuff about this Blizzard newborn. Well, embryo. They said they’re pretty far with SC II and that they have been working on it since 2003 (and if you remember, there were some interviews about 1 year ago where they said they don’t have SC II on their mind for the moment). Some kids went there to ask them with their math homework and some Japanese tourists that asked for directions to the Zoo, but they were quickly evicted.
Testie talks about WWI
Testie got to Blizzard’s World Wide Invitational and he was against Bisu. He lost miserably but we don’t have to worry, it was written in the stars. “Most people see it as a funny showmatch for the Koreans to totally bash the non-Korean players.” Nobody could have said it better. It’s just like when the Roman Empire was: the naughty gamers now are thrown into the Korean progamer pit.
xLo.ReK vs MgZ)MoonShine @ArenaTV
The Romanian ReK faced the Polish MoonShine in a showmatch broadcasted by ArenaTV. The Romanian got his buns red because of the Polish thrusting action (4-1). ReK was never the same after that.
”The Dark Templar” Q&A session
The StarCraft Trilogy author waited for the green light from Blizzard in order to hold this Question & Answer session. Eventually it happened and no questions regarding phone number, shoe size, favorite color or music genre were asked. This is what made this session boring because let’s face it: how many of you really read more than “Not enough minerals… mine more minerals” and stuff? The author will make money out of selling them to the relatives.
PGL showmatch
PGL announced a showmatch between Draco and F91. What all know is that F91 lost but in fact F91’s wife called him home. Wife > F91 => F91: “gg honey.”
Blizzcon 2007
Blizzard is hosting this year’s Blizzcon and some of the features are… let’s say interesting. Listen to this: “Costume, machinima, and character sound-alike contests”, “A silent auction”, “Live orchestral performances of music from Blizzard games”. I really want to see the ones imitating a Lurker or a Probe, or whatever. It will make me look at my life with much more pride and self esteem. And wtf is a silent auction? As for the live orchestra, this is taking the game a bit too far. Soon, you will be judged by the size of your Blizzard discography.
StarCraft II – pre-orderable
GameStop posted the pre-order link for StarCraft II, with the date being January 10th 2008 and the price 49.99. Here’s another lame way of creating some publicity for them thanks to a future sell-out. Way to go, hyenas, thumbs down!
BONUS:
Testie has gone to China after being in Korea for the Blizzard World Wide Invitational 2007. He lost to Bisu, but then again… who didn’t? Now he is in China to attend the PGL tournament. Apparently things are good, but no so good, since our poor Testie is a bit sick and he needs his meds. PGL seems to be treating him very nice, buying everything he wants, much like you would do to your arrgant fiancée. From what I understand, if I open a household items shop I can get real rich, real fast in China. It seems that the inhabitants worship the Toilet Paper God, since it is quite rare. I heard that it is some sort of important resource that is involved in the main transactions at Shanghai. Testie, we f*cking miss you! I know we have MiStrZZZ’s arrogance, but it’s just not the same…
Thanks for reading this again; I hope I wasn’t the only one doing this activity. I just want to thank my mom for the gift that she has give to me and all my fans who supported me. GL HF GG! yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/334.html - column #12
+ Show Spoiler +
vhallee’s column: 29.05 – 04.06.
MgZ)MoonSHine vs MgZ)bH showhmatch
A polish site sponsored this showmatch where MoonShine barely defeated his extremely-barely-believable-younger teammate with the score of 4 - 3. Judging by the age gap, this could look like some nice father-and-son Sunday afternoon activity.
DreamHack 2007 maps
ddI think you know DreamHack and it's not coming from DreamHacker... it's a huge LAN where under the cover of friendly offline tournaments, numerous gangsters and drug lords meet each other to celebrate their illicit wealth. Some kids got friends with the last ones and they now enjoy the advantages of being drug addicts.
Blizzard releases WWI replays
wBlizzard's WWI (and I don't mean World War I) was da bomb! Both in StarCraft and WarCraft, this tourney seemed to be a success. Now we can all worship those players even more since we have a great set of replays from the Korean guide "How to RaP3 N00bZ0rS in 6 easy steps".
Mondragon defeats SEn in GG.net's KotH
mMYM.SEn's rule is over now that Mondragon took him down. Basically SEn made fun of the whole thing, playing Protoss 2 times, while the other matches he went away to market to buy some more cucumbers, like his grandma told him. His cat, the one that replaced him, proved to be no match for the fierce Mondragon.
Interview with StarCraft II designer
scI can bet my stolen car that you would have expected to see some breaking-news-like interview, but it's just like Blizzard used to tell us: "it will be ready when it will be ready". Add to that some soap-opera-like drama and you get the nerve-breaking generator that Blizzard is.
aAa.SC adds two Zerg players
aL'equipe francaise a maintenant deux nouveaux Zerg. Ils sont Nal_CrayOn et ret. Omlet du fromage! Stop it, man! The first one is CrayOn: you know ‘em, you love ‘em. It is said that he was contacted due to his resemblance with the McDonaldZerg, July, so that the rest of the team would have some moral boost. Nothing has been yet confirmed. The other player, ret, was quite a surprise. He was originally thought dead, after he was said to have been shot in the ass 4 times. Apparently he recovered and in that time he secretly trained with some red-butted gorillas from South Korea.
e-Sports school opened
sAlright, take your seats. Welcome pupils to this fine e-sports school. Not doing your homework or cheating will result in immediate ban and a good spanking. Since this is only a Counter Strike school, I'm not sure what will they do there: use toilet paper as grenades, rubber rifles and maybe water guns to annihilate the enemy, which is just as deadly. Some kids may get shot in the retina, but hey, it's all in a day's studies.
sAviOr interview
sThe Maestro got interviewed, now that his slump seems to have drifted away. His interview was based on "How to cook a Protoss with ease" and the Zerg Chef mentioned some ingredients and some cooking techniques. Apparently Bisu boils harder than the others.
Interview with JulyZerg
jRemember his godlike muta harass? Remember his chubby cheeks that you wanted to have all to yourselves? Well the owner of those cheeks got an interview where he talked about his recent killing spree. In fact, July was spotted at the local buffet, which means only one thing: July's inflatable clone that he recently bought from his salary was actually giving the interview. But overall, that inflatable July-clone did well and they never knew what hit'em.
StarCraft II insider interview
Whenever we see "StarCraft II" we imagine some mind-blowing new information that will make our day. Or, we imagine some more drama and nothing new. Don't expect to read about StarCraft II, the probable news you'll get is some Blizzard guy's shoe size and his favorite color.
Rob kicked from WE.JUST
weI really have no clue about this one, since it's about WarCraft III, but the news itself is a jewel. Listen to this: after being bm with some opponent, this Rob from World Elite got kicked from the team. Now that made my day: he got f*cked and ripped off. Well it's still good that they didn't sue him or something, to teach the motherf*cker a lesson. Got brain?
KeSPA rankings June
nadasAviOr is still 1st, NaDa is still 2nd, Bisu is still 3rd. Firebathero did a fanfuckintastic job, +12, while Midas, who was 10th last month, jumped with a bungee cord 16 spots... the cord was defective.
Bam banned from EPS
I can't help myself, this is great! This guy too got banned from some other league, but this time, his winnings were also erased. OMG I can't stop laughing, this is fantastic! That should encourage you to start playing competively. The guy that told Bam this news was found hanged by his balls from a tree out of town, with multiple butter knife traces.
Bonus:
Basically this isn't a bonus, but just a thought: you've probably noticed that fancy restaurants or large casinos have heroic statues of some sort of Olympian gods. But why the f*ck did they have those huge muscles and minuscule peckers? The balls look like pepper balls and there's some macaroni shells there... I would be ashamed to be Zeus.
OK, that's all folks! See you next week. In case you have some nice ideas to help me make this column better, don't hesitate: make your donation today y PMing me. You know you want to. See ya! Yours truly, vhallee.
MgZ)MoonSHine vs MgZ)bH showhmatch
A polish site sponsored this showmatch where MoonShine barely defeated his extremely-barely-believable-younger teammate with the score of 4 - 3. Judging by the age gap, this could look like some nice father-and-son Sunday afternoon activity.
DreamHack 2007 maps
ddI think you know DreamHack and it's not coming from DreamHacker... it's a huge LAN where under the cover of friendly offline tournaments, numerous gangsters and drug lords meet each other to celebrate their illicit wealth. Some kids got friends with the last ones and they now enjoy the advantages of being drug addicts.
Blizzard releases WWI replays
wBlizzard's WWI (and I don't mean World War I) was da bomb! Both in StarCraft and WarCraft, this tourney seemed to be a success. Now we can all worship those players even more since we have a great set of replays from the Korean guide "How to RaP3 N00bZ0rS in 6 easy steps".
Mondragon defeats SEn in GG.net's KotH
mMYM.SEn's rule is over now that Mondragon took him down. Basically SEn made fun of the whole thing, playing Protoss 2 times, while the other matches he went away to market to buy some more cucumbers, like his grandma told him. His cat, the one that replaced him, proved to be no match for the fierce Mondragon.
Interview with StarCraft II designer
scI can bet my stolen car that you would have expected to see some breaking-news-like interview, but it's just like Blizzard used to tell us: "it will be ready when it will be ready". Add to that some soap-opera-like drama and you get the nerve-breaking generator that Blizzard is.
aAa.SC adds two Zerg players
aL'equipe francaise a maintenant deux nouveaux Zerg. Ils sont Nal_CrayOn et ret. Omlet du fromage! Stop it, man! The first one is CrayOn: you know ‘em, you love ‘em. It is said that he was contacted due to his resemblance with the McDonaldZerg, July, so that the rest of the team would have some moral boost. Nothing has been yet confirmed. The other player, ret, was quite a surprise. He was originally thought dead, after he was said to have been shot in the ass 4 times. Apparently he recovered and in that time he secretly trained with some red-butted gorillas from South Korea.
e-Sports school opened
sAlright, take your seats. Welcome pupils to this fine e-sports school. Not doing your homework or cheating will result in immediate ban and a good spanking. Since this is only a Counter Strike school, I'm not sure what will they do there: use toilet paper as grenades, rubber rifles and maybe water guns to annihilate the enemy, which is just as deadly. Some kids may get shot in the retina, but hey, it's all in a day's studies.
sAviOr interview
sThe Maestro got interviewed, now that his slump seems to have drifted away. His interview was based on "How to cook a Protoss with ease" and the Zerg Chef mentioned some ingredients and some cooking techniques. Apparently Bisu boils harder than the others.
Interview with JulyZerg
jRemember his godlike muta harass? Remember his chubby cheeks that you wanted to have all to yourselves? Well the owner of those cheeks got an interview where he talked about his recent killing spree. In fact, July was spotted at the local buffet, which means only one thing: July's inflatable clone that he recently bought from his salary was actually giving the interview. But overall, that inflatable July-clone did well and they never knew what hit'em.
StarCraft II insider interview
Whenever we see "StarCraft II" we imagine some mind-blowing new information that will make our day. Or, we imagine some more drama and nothing new. Don't expect to read about StarCraft II, the probable news you'll get is some Blizzard guy's shoe size and his favorite color.
Rob kicked from WE.JUST
weI really have no clue about this one, since it's about WarCraft III, but the news itself is a jewel. Listen to this: after being bm with some opponent, this Rob from World Elite got kicked from the team. Now that made my day: he got f*cked and ripped off. Well it's still good that they didn't sue him or something, to teach the motherf*cker a lesson. Got brain?
KeSPA rankings June
nadasAviOr is still 1st, NaDa is still 2nd, Bisu is still 3rd. Firebathero did a fanfuckintastic job, +12, while Midas, who was 10th last month, jumped with a bungee cord 16 spots... the cord was defective.
Bam banned from EPS
I can't help myself, this is great! This guy too got banned from some other league, but this time, his winnings were also erased. OMG I can't stop laughing, this is fantastic! That should encourage you to start playing competively. The guy that told Bam this news was found hanged by his balls from a tree out of town, with multiple butter knife traces.
Bonus:
Basically this isn't a bonus, but just a thought: you've probably noticed that fancy restaurants or large casinos have heroic statues of some sort of Olympian gods. But why the f*ck did they have those huge muscles and minuscule peckers? The balls look like pepper balls and there's some macaroni shells there... I would be ashamed to be Zeus.
OK, that's all folks! See you next week. In case you have some nice ideas to help me make this column better, don't hesitate: make your donation today y PMing me. You know you want to. See ya! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/342.html - column #13
+ Show Spoiler +
Draco won PGL China
PGL China 2007 has finally ended and it now has a winner going by the name Draco. Koreans got smashed, Chinese guys were humiliated, and Draco… well Draco now has no soul. Do you think it’s so easy to win that without selling your soul to the devil?
MYM KOTH: MiSTRZZZ vs SunCow
MistrZZZ was supposed this KOTH against SunCow (seriously, how did he pick this nickname, what’s the idea with it?), but due to some unfortunate events, MistrZZZ’s opponent could not show up. Some people say he chickened out, but I think SunCow’s explanation completely made sense: while coming to play, he was ambushed on his way by a pink rabit with a hook, a pudel with a skin condition and Michael Jackson. Some things are more important than a showmatch.
StarCraft comics “Starmania”
When the love for StarCraft proves once again that it has no limits, we get to see one more of these: a comic made by a Korean guy by the name Oh Sundgae (or is it “Oh, Sundgae!”??) got translated by Live2Win and the Tl.net crew. It is actually funny! And thanks to it, I have learnt that overlords that upset the Overmind get butt-f*cked.
100 BoxeR YouTube VODs
That is many VODs yes?
OGN: StarBrain
“Playing 1v1 the normal way is for N00bZors”, must have thought the guys at OGN when they came with this bright one. So what’s the deal here? Well, 4 dudes smaller eyes that accepted by the international regulations play a 1v1. the thing here is that a gosu is talking and a chobo is playing by the way he’s told to play: “take that SCV there, build a supply there, hi mom, sorry I’m in the middle of something, call you later. Ah shit you lost?” This first eddition got Sea on one side as the brain and lemme tell you: god damn kid never shuts up.
GGSL final: Sen vs Pj
The GGSL grand final finally arrived and it finally ended. Pj had a 1 – 0 advantage since he was coming from the Winners Bracket, and the final result was Pj 4 – 2 Sen. Sen’s cat is improving
BWCL season 26 starting
BWCL is old enough to call him “Daddy” as it has reached its 26th season. Team like xLo LighT or CDS are here, but let’s hope this season ends quickly, until xLo (the ones that are more than likely to win) will have no players to send due to the ship sinking…
Blizzard to release SC2 beta keys?
Blizzard has announced that on August 3rd till August 4th they will be releasing beta keys to a game that will soon be out. This fun trip has a $100 entrance trip. Not enough minollars… mine more dollars.
Pj: leaving SK Telecom T1
That little Chinese guy that everyone loves, you know, Pj, has decided not to renew his contract with the Korean pro-team SK Telecom T1. Reasons? No one knows yet, but everytime Pj ended a secret Korean training session he had a funny walk and he kept accusing some sort of sciatical pains… never underestimate the power of Korean thrubbing action!
SteelSeries World Cup Round of 16
With the Second Chance finished, 4 more countries are added to the existing 12, and they are: Australia, Norway, Peru and Romania. Poland players were heard saying “Arghhh, fresh meat!”
WGTCL 9 results
The last matches featured xLo, LRM, MgZ and F2F: xLo played vs F2F and LRM faced MgZ. While LRM barely got a win from MgZ (3 – 2), xLo made Shao Kahn say again: “Flawless victory”.
Abyss Ladder Playoffs
The Russian Abyss server already went through 2 seasons and it’s now at season 3. However, the final standings will be played between the first 32 players. Since everyone is smurfing there, don’t be surprised if that no-name guy that won is some Korean gosu or Sen’s cat.
SC2 interview by IGN
IGN released an interview with one of the SC 2 development team about global warming issues and third world country poverty. And StarCraft 2. And we got used to that “it will be ready when it’s ready” stuff, so the third part of the interview was a fiasco. But I learned patience is a virtue. Which I don’t have.
WGTCL: LRM vs DkH
Two great teams meet here: the Spanish-based clan LRM and the German clan DkH. From their past encounters, LRM will probably teach DkH limbo: how low can you go?
SC 2 interview with the voice of Jim Raynor
Since this is the voice of Jim Raynor, the interview was held at an old gipsy-queen’s crib, with spiritism and shit. Apparently the voice is doing fine, thanks for asking, but it says it wants back cause it’s tired of talking only to dead Fenix’s voice.
SC 2 Q&A Session
This SC2 guy had a Question and Answer session in which we couldn’t find out his favorite food, movie or artist, so it was pretty useless anyway.
MYM KOTH: MistrZZZ vs Shaman
Since SunCow got kidnapped (remember?), KaaZ was there to take his place. And iG.Signal was there to take KaaZ’s place, since there was an IP conflict issue. MistrZZZ won again and now he will face the romanian witch doctor, or shaman. It will be a ZvP match since Shaman said he will not be rape… he will not play MistrZZZ with Terran.
BONUS:
Here is a guide called “How to worship N64 without teacher”. Bow down to Nintendo64, mortal!
That’s the column for this week folks! I hope you enjoyed it. See ya next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
PGL China 2007 has finally ended and it now has a winner going by the name Draco. Koreans got smashed, Chinese guys were humiliated, and Draco… well Draco now has no soul. Do you think it’s so easy to win that without selling your soul to the devil?
MYM KOTH: MiSTRZZZ vs SunCow
MistrZZZ was supposed this KOTH against SunCow (seriously, how did he pick this nickname, what’s the idea with it?), but due to some unfortunate events, MistrZZZ’s opponent could not show up. Some people say he chickened out, but I think SunCow’s explanation completely made sense: while coming to play, he was ambushed on his way by a pink rabit with a hook, a pudel with a skin condition and Michael Jackson. Some things are more important than a showmatch.
StarCraft comics “Starmania”
When the love for StarCraft proves once again that it has no limits, we get to see one more of these: a comic made by a Korean guy by the name Oh Sundgae (or is it “Oh, Sundgae!”??) got translated by Live2Win and the Tl.net crew. It is actually funny! And thanks to it, I have learnt that overlords that upset the Overmind get butt-f*cked.
100 BoxeR YouTube VODs
That is many VODs yes?
OGN: StarBrain
“Playing 1v1 the normal way is for N00bZors”, must have thought the guys at OGN when they came with this bright one. So what’s the deal here? Well, 4 dudes smaller eyes that accepted by the international regulations play a 1v1. the thing here is that a gosu is talking and a chobo is playing by the way he’s told to play: “take that SCV there, build a supply there, hi mom, sorry I’m in the middle of something, call you later. Ah shit you lost?” This first eddition got Sea on one side as the brain and lemme tell you: god damn kid never shuts up.
GGSL final: Sen vs Pj
The GGSL grand final finally arrived and it finally ended. Pj had a 1 – 0 advantage since he was coming from the Winners Bracket, and the final result was Pj 4 – 2 Sen. Sen’s cat is improving
BWCL season 26 starting
BWCL is old enough to call him “Daddy” as it has reached its 26th season. Team like xLo LighT or CDS are here, but let’s hope this season ends quickly, until xLo (the ones that are more than likely to win) will have no players to send due to the ship sinking…
Blizzard to release SC2 beta keys?
Blizzard has announced that on August 3rd till August 4th they will be releasing beta keys to a game that will soon be out. This fun trip has a $100 entrance trip. Not enough minollars… mine more dollars.
Pj: leaving SK Telecom T1
That little Chinese guy that everyone loves, you know, Pj, has decided not to renew his contract with the Korean pro-team SK Telecom T1. Reasons? No one knows yet, but everytime Pj ended a secret Korean training session he had a funny walk and he kept accusing some sort of sciatical pains… never underestimate the power of Korean thrubbing action!
SteelSeries World Cup Round of 16
With the Second Chance finished, 4 more countries are added to the existing 12, and they are: Australia, Norway, Peru and Romania. Poland players were heard saying “Arghhh, fresh meat!”
WGTCL 9 results
The last matches featured xLo, LRM, MgZ and F2F: xLo played vs F2F and LRM faced MgZ. While LRM barely got a win from MgZ (3 – 2), xLo made Shao Kahn say again: “Flawless victory”.
Abyss Ladder Playoffs
The Russian Abyss server already went through 2 seasons and it’s now at season 3. However, the final standings will be played between the first 32 players. Since everyone is smurfing there, don’t be surprised if that no-name guy that won is some Korean gosu or Sen’s cat.
SC2 interview by IGN
IGN released an interview with one of the SC 2 development team about global warming issues and third world country poverty. And StarCraft 2. And we got used to that “it will be ready when it’s ready” stuff, so the third part of the interview was a fiasco. But I learned patience is a virtue. Which I don’t have.
WGTCL: LRM vs DkH
Two great teams meet here: the Spanish-based clan LRM and the German clan DkH. From their past encounters, LRM will probably teach DkH limbo: how low can you go?
SC 2 interview with the voice of Jim Raynor
Since this is the voice of Jim Raynor, the interview was held at an old gipsy-queen’s crib, with spiritism and shit. Apparently the voice is doing fine, thanks for asking, but it says it wants back cause it’s tired of talking only to dead Fenix’s voice.
SC 2 Q&A Session
This SC2 guy had a Question and Answer session in which we couldn’t find out his favorite food, movie or artist, so it was pretty useless anyway.
MYM KOTH: MistrZZZ vs Shaman
Since SunCow got kidnapped (remember?), KaaZ was there to take his place. And iG.Signal was there to take KaaZ’s place, since there was an IP conflict issue. MistrZZZ won again and now he will face the romanian witch doctor, or shaman. It will be a ZvP match since Shaman said he will not be rape… he will not play MistrZZZ with Terran.
BONUS:
Here is a guide called “How to worship N64 without teacher”. Bow down to Nintendo64, mortal!
That’s the column for this week folks! I hope you enjoyed it. See ya next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/361.html - column #14
+ Show Spoiler +
ToT wins FragBet League II
aThe FragBet League II had ToT vs MYM. The score ended with a 4-3 score in the Templars’ favor, so Advokate, White-Ra, F91 and hbq were requested to “bend over”, an ancient punishment method used by Spartans.
Abyss becomes ICCup
aAbyss, the well-known ladder, basically for its overwhelming number of hackers and discers (the names given to the community’s most beloved categories), has just been taken over by a hostile force named ICCup, using republican slogans as cover. Abyss resembled to PGTour almost too much, by the way… I remember the days when PGT died: people were miserable, criminality rate had a new record, and even DoubleYouBush went out to calm the population using the “discount” spell. This spell, when activated, secretly increases taxes by 50% and then it lowers them by 40% of the initial value. Population morale was restored once again.
Boxer interviewed
a
After winning the Ace match and bringing the victory to his team, Air Force ACE, Boxer was caught, gagged, eventually undressed (but this is yet to be confirmed) and asked about the $10 000 debt that he had to pay to YellOw, after some cocaine transactions that went wrong. Eventually Boxer agreed to prostitute himself in order to cover that debt, and he also answered some questions regarding his recent StarCraft-related performances.
BWCL Season 26 Week 1 results
a
BWCL, the shadow leader of all that is StarCraft tournaments/leagues, reached its 26th reign, sucking the souls of about 3000 players that got involved. Some tasty souls were in xLo, iG, LighT, DkH and CDS. After this, Satan agreed to increase their skills.
MIStrZZZ leaves xLo and joins LRM
a
MIStrZZZ was once a normal, arrogant, Polish kid. One day, amazed by the lovely belly dance performed by the LRM players, MIStrZZZ was hooked: his hips started to move and he couldn’t resist, his favorite song suddenly became some Shakira shit-single and his intelligence compensated for his arrogance (that means that he moved some experience points from “intelligence” to “arrogance”, making him cockier but dumber).
ArenaTv showmatch: AnDrEi vs iNcontroL
aBasically, Andrei took iNcontroL’s heart out and took a shit on it: 4 – 2 GG no re me pawn you!
Blizzard releases BlizzCon tickets
a
The evil empire that goes by the name of Blizzard just released tickets to its
BlizzCON (CON stands for Come On, Nerds!). kittensandmilk seems to have some inside information, as he stated the following: “oh just remember if you’re going they have free braces and glasses cleaning centers, and if you want to get your retainer or inhaler replaced you have to bring a prescription”. Thanks for the priceless help man!
New StarCraft 2 video
a
It’s cool cause it’s StarCraft 2!
Pro-gamers commenting on StarCraft 2
aWith the announcement of StarCraft 2, everyone wanted to know the pro-gamers’ opinions regarding this new Blizzard game. Nal_rA was quoted to say: “I do… don’t English…” and Draco gave an answer that will forever be an enigma for the humanity cause his English can only be understood by gerbils, plumbers and stamp collectors.
YellOw is back
a
YellOw raped NaDa (or, as some people might say, he just took a piss on NaDa’s new carpet) but the real villain here is YellOw’s coach: ”After it was decided that I would go against Nada, our coach said „I’m sorry“ (laughter)” – YellOw about the match. This cold hearted bastard, that claims to be a coach, put YellOw against NaDa in hope of a Terran ownage but it turned out that the long lost Storm Zerg made NaDa bend over and aimed for penetration. That will teach that so-called “coach” a lesson.
NaDa article about WWI
aPut NaDa, Blizzard’s WWI, and an editor unfamiliar to the StarCraft scene and you get an article written from the outside. In a paragraph, NaDa is asked if StarCraft is still a fun game for him and he says that it isn’t, since he played it for 10 years. It’s just like in any other married couple, with lines like “I have a headache”, or “the passion is gone”.
DreamHack: datboy wins the SC tourney
a
After beating nV.Tobi in the quarterfinals, then Gantrior in the semifinal, datboy also pawned Zpux in the final with a crushing 3 - 0 score. This guy read the romantic novel called "How to pawn N00bZorS in 3 easy steps" and it helped.
Diablo – the movie
Legendary Pictures is famous and will forever be this way thanks to the “300” fanbase (read hordes of barbaric worshipers). Now these guys have posted Diablo at the “Under development” section. This means they cancelled “Pacman – the movie” for the next year.
BONUS:
Since I have received millions of e-mails ask me the same damn thing, this is how a sad ghost looks like.
Ok, that’s all for this week so we’ll meet again next week. YOU HAVE 7 DAYS! Yours truly, vhallee.
aThe FragBet League II had ToT vs MYM. The score ended with a 4-3 score in the Templars’ favor, so Advokate, White-Ra, F91 and hbq were requested to “bend over”, an ancient punishment method used by Spartans.
Abyss becomes ICCup
aAbyss, the well-known ladder, basically for its overwhelming number of hackers and discers (the names given to the community’s most beloved categories), has just been taken over by a hostile force named ICCup, using republican slogans as cover. Abyss resembled to PGTour almost too much, by the way… I remember the days when PGT died: people were miserable, criminality rate had a new record, and even DoubleYouBush went out to calm the population using the “discount” spell. This spell, when activated, secretly increases taxes by 50% and then it lowers them by 40% of the initial value. Population morale was restored once again.
Boxer interviewed
a
After winning the Ace match and bringing the victory to his team, Air Force ACE, Boxer was caught, gagged, eventually undressed (but this is yet to be confirmed) and asked about the $10 000 debt that he had to pay to YellOw, after some cocaine transactions that went wrong. Eventually Boxer agreed to prostitute himself in order to cover that debt, and he also answered some questions regarding his recent StarCraft-related performances.
BWCL Season 26 Week 1 results
a
BWCL, the shadow leader of all that is StarCraft tournaments/leagues, reached its 26th reign, sucking the souls of about 3000 players that got involved. Some tasty souls were in xLo, iG, LighT, DkH and CDS. After this, Satan agreed to increase their skills.
MIStrZZZ leaves xLo and joins LRM
a
MIStrZZZ was once a normal, arrogant, Polish kid. One day, amazed by the lovely belly dance performed by the LRM players, MIStrZZZ was hooked: his hips started to move and he couldn’t resist, his favorite song suddenly became some Shakira shit-single and his intelligence compensated for his arrogance (that means that he moved some experience points from “intelligence” to “arrogance”, making him cockier but dumber).
ArenaTv showmatch: AnDrEi vs iNcontroL
aBasically, Andrei took iNcontroL’s heart out and took a shit on it: 4 – 2 GG no re me pawn you!
Blizzard releases BlizzCon tickets
a
The evil empire that goes by the name of Blizzard just released tickets to its
BlizzCON (CON stands for Come On, Nerds!). kittensandmilk seems to have some inside information, as he stated the following: “oh just remember if you’re going they have free braces and glasses cleaning centers, and if you want to get your retainer or inhaler replaced you have to bring a prescription”. Thanks for the priceless help man!
New StarCraft 2 video
a
It’s cool cause it’s StarCraft 2!
Pro-gamers commenting on StarCraft 2
aWith the announcement of StarCraft 2, everyone wanted to know the pro-gamers’ opinions regarding this new Blizzard game. Nal_rA was quoted to say: “I do… don’t English…” and Draco gave an answer that will forever be an enigma for the humanity cause his English can only be understood by gerbils, plumbers and stamp collectors.
YellOw is back
a
YellOw raped NaDa (or, as some people might say, he just took a piss on NaDa’s new carpet) but the real villain here is YellOw’s coach: ”After it was decided that I would go against Nada, our coach said „I’m sorry“ (laughter)” – YellOw about the match. This cold hearted bastard, that claims to be a coach, put YellOw against NaDa in hope of a Terran ownage but it turned out that the long lost Storm Zerg made NaDa bend over and aimed for penetration. That will teach that so-called “coach” a lesson.
NaDa article about WWI
aPut NaDa, Blizzard’s WWI, and an editor unfamiliar to the StarCraft scene and you get an article written from the outside. In a paragraph, NaDa is asked if StarCraft is still a fun game for him and he says that it isn’t, since he played it for 10 years. It’s just like in any other married couple, with lines like “I have a headache”, or “the passion is gone”.
DreamHack: datboy wins the SC tourney
a
After beating nV.Tobi in the quarterfinals, then Gantrior in the semifinal, datboy also pawned Zpux in the final with a crushing 3 - 0 score. This guy read the romantic novel called "How to pawn N00bZorS in 3 easy steps" and it helped.
Diablo – the movie
Legendary Pictures is famous and will forever be this way thanks to the “300” fanbase (read hordes of barbaric worshipers). Now these guys have posted Diablo at the “Under development” section. This means they cancelled “Pacman – the movie” for the next year.
BONUS:
Since I have received millions of e-mails ask me the same damn thing, this is how a sad ghost looks like.
Ok, that’s all for this week so we’ll meet again next week. YOU HAVE 7 DAYS! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/369.html - column #15
+ Show Spoiler +
2v2 showmatch at ArenaTv
aArenaTv hosted a 2v2 showmatch this time, and the teams were xLo.Shaman/MgZ)Ryko from Romania vs. aAa.Strelok/aFz)Dimaga from Ukraine. It seemed that Shaman had that one-in-a-million day where he could have just left StarCraft and go figure skating or curling.
Q-Cup qualification details
Q-Cup is a clan league that wants to see the blood of 32 clans being spilled all over so they figured a nice prize pool of € 1000 would do. They’re right, the bloodshed is ensured now, don’t worry.
BWCL Day 2 results
BWCL – das ist zehr Gut, ja! Excello won over Sky Riders (4-2), DkH raped LighTa (6-0), iG stomped the After-Renaissance (6-0) and some other teams defeated some other teams. But it’s no fun to see a Portuguese team coming and stealing the toy from the Germans, because it’s basically theirs. Adolf would be disappointed.
WCG Georgia results
1The news itself has nothing to do with the StarCraft universe, but do me a favor and check out comment #1. You know you want to.
OSL Round of 8
a
Dear Sirs, Madams, Midgets and Things: it is with the greatest pleasure that I bring you the last 8 players standing in this OSL. sAviOr, GGPlay, Hwasin, Flash, Bisu, Stork and Reach went face to face and the results were, let’s say… well, embarrassing. Forget everything you knew about these players and their “strong matchups”, cause they just ruined every statistic that was a bit realistic until now. And yes, sAviOr got pawned again.
StarCraft II playable at BlizzCon
aSince the ticket was outrageously high, Blizzard thought they could soften the blow. By lowering the price? Hell, no! They’ll give the ones that came to see some cool WoW outfits for their characters (I seriously don’t understand how can people have fun by walking/running with a zombie, dwarf or whatever and still pay for the game each month to walk/run some more) so that the secret of StarCraft II will be kept, well, a secret. If I were to play WoW 26 hours a day, do you think I would give a shit bout some new B-lizzard game?
WGT Galactic Conquest Finals
aThe last 3 countries that are left now, USA, Russia and Sweden have a total of 11 planets: USA has 5, Russia has 3 and Sweden only has 2 planets. Since the Americans are used to big corporation running them over and assimilating everything in their path, they should soon say “All your planets are belong to us.” GG no RE, never underestimate the power of the Happy Meal!
BWML Playoffs
The Brood War Massacres League, originally used to set the score between gangstas from the North Side and the South Side, now has thugs and money-makin’ playas from all over, biatch! In the playoffs, the Russian mob that controls 3D, aFz and fAke should do just fine. Should do just fine but they aren’t, cause they will meet CHILE, w4sp and BringiT. Excello will face (read “win over”) uT. Things show that Excello will mop the floor with all of them, but then again, the vodka can be a powerful ally in a crisis.
Excello adds 4 more players
aWatching Pokemon too much may give you the impression that everything must be put into collections, just like Bartar is showing us right now. With Casper, Gabriel, Kanibal and Marine, Excello should add to their slogan “Collect’em all!”
SteelSeries World Cup Season 2 Quarterfinals
a
Canada will play vs. Peru and Poland will face Norway. Can anyone explain me just HOW EXACTLY did Peru and Norway get there?
3000 WGT Beta replays
A guy going by the name Nb.Drake did the undoable: he compiled a replay pack containing a Protoss section (1500 reps), a Terran section (700 reps), a Zerg section (650) and a Random section (160). Beat this, Chuck Norris!
F2F videocast: DatobY vs PuSh
aPush won the unexpected chance to get publicly humiliated by this Swede gone crazy, who recently won the StarCraft tournament at DreamHack. Whoever came up with this idea must have been so sadistic and hated Push so much. Some sick people run our StarCraft tournaments, lemme tell ya that!
Excello gets even more (4) players
a
Bartar is on a shopping spree and his credit card seems to resist, because he now got himself 4 more items for his StarCraft playground: Jack, HungTran, Oldy, and IefNaij. Well, Bartar, have fun with your new toys!
BONUS:
It might have happened for some of you to quit your job (I am obviously talking with the ones that got hired at least once, not the ones that act like ticks and suck the juice out of their relatives) and some companies give you an exit form to fill in. Here’s a good example, I hope it will be useful.
One more week has gone down the drain. Congratulations, you’re all one week closer to your funeral. Have fun! Yours truly, vhallee.
aArenaTv hosted a 2v2 showmatch this time, and the teams were xLo.Shaman/MgZ)Ryko from Romania vs. aAa.Strelok/aFz)Dimaga from Ukraine. It seemed that Shaman had that one-in-a-million day where he could have just left StarCraft and go figure skating or curling.
Q-Cup qualification details
Q-Cup is a clan league that wants to see the blood of 32 clans being spilled all over so they figured a nice prize pool of € 1000 would do. They’re right, the bloodshed is ensured now, don’t worry.
BWCL Day 2 results
BWCL – das ist zehr Gut, ja! Excello won over Sky Riders (4-2), DkH raped LighTa (6-0), iG stomped the After-Renaissance (6-0) and some other teams defeated some other teams. But it’s no fun to see a Portuguese team coming and stealing the toy from the Germans, because it’s basically theirs. Adolf would be disappointed.
WCG Georgia results
1The news itself has nothing to do with the StarCraft universe, but do me a favor and check out comment #1. You know you want to.
OSL Round of 8
a
Dear Sirs, Madams, Midgets and Things: it is with the greatest pleasure that I bring you the last 8 players standing in this OSL. sAviOr, GGPlay, Hwasin, Flash, Bisu, Stork and Reach went face to face and the results were, let’s say… well, embarrassing. Forget everything you knew about these players and their “strong matchups”, cause they just ruined every statistic that was a bit realistic until now. And yes, sAviOr got pawned again.
StarCraft II playable at BlizzCon
aSince the ticket was outrageously high, Blizzard thought they could soften the blow. By lowering the price? Hell, no! They’ll give the ones that came to see some cool WoW outfits for their characters (I seriously don’t understand how can people have fun by walking/running with a zombie, dwarf or whatever and still pay for the game each month to walk/run some more) so that the secret of StarCraft II will be kept, well, a secret. If I were to play WoW 26 hours a day, do you think I would give a shit bout some new B-lizzard game?
WGT Galactic Conquest Finals
aThe last 3 countries that are left now, USA, Russia and Sweden have a total of 11 planets: USA has 5, Russia has 3 and Sweden only has 2 planets. Since the Americans are used to big corporation running them over and assimilating everything in their path, they should soon say “All your planets are belong to us.” GG no RE, never underestimate the power of the Happy Meal!
BWML Playoffs
The Brood War Massacres League, originally used to set the score between gangstas from the North Side and the South Side, now has thugs and money-makin’ playas from all over, biatch! In the playoffs, the Russian mob that controls 3D, aFz and fAke should do just fine. Should do just fine but they aren’t, cause they will meet CHILE, w4sp and BringiT. Excello will face (read “win over”) uT. Things show that Excello will mop the floor with all of them, but then again, the vodka can be a powerful ally in a crisis.
Excello adds 4 more players
aWatching Pokemon too much may give you the impression that everything must be put into collections, just like Bartar is showing us right now. With Casper, Gabriel, Kanibal and Marine, Excello should add to their slogan “Collect’em all!”
SteelSeries World Cup Season 2 Quarterfinals
a
Canada will play vs. Peru and Poland will face Norway. Can anyone explain me just HOW EXACTLY did Peru and Norway get there?
3000 WGT Beta replays
A guy going by the name Nb.Drake did the undoable: he compiled a replay pack containing a Protoss section (1500 reps), a Terran section (700 reps), a Zerg section (650) and a Random section (160). Beat this, Chuck Norris!
F2F videocast: DatobY vs PuSh
aPush won the unexpected chance to get publicly humiliated by this Swede gone crazy, who recently won the StarCraft tournament at DreamHack. Whoever came up with this idea must have been so sadistic and hated Push so much. Some sick people run our StarCraft tournaments, lemme tell ya that!
Excello gets even more (4) players
a
Bartar is on a shopping spree and his credit card seems to resist, because he now got himself 4 more items for his StarCraft playground: Jack, HungTran, Oldy, and IefNaij. Well, Bartar, have fun with your new toys!
BONUS:
It might have happened for some of you to quit your job (I am obviously talking with the ones that got hired at least once, not the ones that act like ticks and suck the juice out of their relatives) and some companies give you an exit form to fill in. Here’s a good example, I hope it will be useful.
One more week has gone down the drain. Congratulations, you’re all one week closer to your funeral. Have fun! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/387.html - column #16
+ Show Spoiler +
MYM KOTH: MIStrZZZ > Strelok
mym
This summer has “MIStrZZZ” written all over it! Think you’re cool if you cheer for Draco, Pj, or even hungtran – which is now a new entry in the dictionary, see “hacker”, “idiot”, “lamer who used maphack and still got raped by NaDa” (I’m sorry about that, some sO.o anti-fan just broke in an made me write this with a charged vibrator). Anyways, as I was saying T-shirts with inscriptions like “my incredible highskilled micromanagement”, “I just pawned everyone” or “Future WCG 2007 winner”. Arrogance is a wooden sword in the wrong hands, but MIStrZZZ makes it look like the Divine Rapier from that WarCraft III UMS with the Hydra hero.
StarCraft II: Q&A Batch 3
sc2
Karune over at Blizzard is that guy/girl/midget/shemale/drag-queen/alien (his sexuality is almost established, but his political and religious beliefs are yet to be known) that give bits of information regarding StarCraft II. The Question and Answer Batch 3 was released, giving answers to all sorts of “important question”. I still need answers to some questions, and after receiving a rather disappointing answer from Blizzard (“take your questions and shove them up your tail pipe, asshole!” and “don’t let me catch you around here, or I will cut you with a plastic spoon into tiny bits to feed them to my rabid parrot”), I would still like to get answers to questions like:
- Will the Zealots get the ability to eat ice-cream and have frost attack?
- Does the Mutalisk attack (glave wurm) give venereal diseases?
- Can High Templars evolve from pot to heroine?
- Are the Marine shields copied from the troops that appear at anti-Bush manifestations?
- Do the Infested Terrans speak Arabic?
- Can I teach my pet to work in the map editor?
Andrei vs MoonShine @ArenaTv
aArenaTv hosted yet another showmatch in which Andrei and MoonShine were involved, or so they say. After a crushing 4-1 score favoring the Polish dude, some Mexican scientists that worked in an improvised garage 4 days and nights, using their excrements as food, actually discovered that Andrei wasn’t really playing and that a purple chipmunk with a skin condition and a lactose intolerance was used instead. Your mineral bets were lost, huh? Stop whining and file a court citation, because those bastards got too far!
Excello StarCraft Cup starts
xlo
"8x Weekly Excello Starcraft Cup Qualifying Tournaments. The top 2 players progress to the end of season final 16 tournament, where they do battle for the 3 headsets mentioned above. Each of the tournament winners will also earn themselves a SteelSeries SteelPad.” OK, it’s a nice idea, I love it, I hope some good players will be involved, but what about prizes like blenders, corn separators, wool washers, or something useful? Add this and think about the magnitude it will get.
MBC StarLeague Round of 8
mbcOversky, Bisu, GoRush, Savior, HwaSin, 910, FirebatHero, Nal_rA, StOrk, Sea, Light, TT, JulyZerg, iloveoov, Sheis and Xellos are qualified for this Round of 8; things don’t look too good for sAviOr, whose master matchups are now disaster matchups. BruceLee[Shield] doesn’t seem to have problems so this means it will be a hell of a boring final. I sure hope the Bisu fad will wear off like any other fads there were, cause I’m beginning to get tired of him sodomizing every living Korean pro.
QCup: Qualification Tourney #1
qQCup, brought to us by the Nerds at Work, has started with its qualification tournaments. Here, a team chooses a representative to play a 1v1 versus the other team’s player and the winner ensures a spot for his team. Team CHILE sent MOJ to play (read rape) LzGamer from rC, which made things interesting, as LzGamer was thought to wear the condom and aim for penetration. And now poor LzGamer is twisting and turning, he can't even sleep at night right, and he recently became a vegetarian, also fighting for the rights of Brazilian hairy toads.
China Rankings June 2007
The Chinese Dudes that appear here are pretty well-known to the non-Korean scene. Some of them like Lx, Pj, F91, Super, or Xiaozi and the all-time favorite, Beckham, who thinks he can win over the non Koreans with such ease that is hard to believe. Instead he gets butt-fudged every time he plays, so he’s a pretty embarrassing dude. Does F91’s wife know her husband is still playing in stead of cutting the onions for dinner? I guess not, otherwise we would see some skid marks on poor F91’s face.
MTV – official WCG partner
wcgHoly shit! Now that’s an interesting (read fugly) combination: micro tricks in between Beyonce and Nelly Furtado. Why on Earth would we want MTV to be a partner in such an event? Did National Geographic or Playboy Channel turn down the offer? Well, I’m sure we could have at least get Cartoon Network. Think this through!
IEST: a $150 000 prize pool
iestIEST is a Chinese tournament. The guys leading this have announced an amazing $150.000 cash prize sum for StarCraft, WarCraft and PES (shouldn’t it be PEZ? Or Apes? Whatever…) so the prizes would be $50000 for each one of them. Here’s what some Korean pro-gamers said when they heard the news:
Boxer: That is many money yes?
NaDa: 1a2a3a4t5t6t7v8v9vbswp0s
iloveoov: How much in bananas?
Rekrul: Hell yeah, all in a poker day’s work!
Hungtran: So I can’t use maphack? Why not?
StarCraft II Q&A Batch 4
Since Blizzard guys did not answer my previous questions, I will protest by not advertising the fact that a 4th batch of Q&A sessions has been published, giving new answers to new (boring) questions. Eat this!
SteelSeries World Cup: Canada wins
mym
The SteelSeries World Cup Season 2, the biggest nation war tournament, has finally come to an end, bringing Poland and Canada in the Grand Final. Cyru chickened out and said that Canada will rape their asses, even though the Polish dudes were the favorites. So now what? Reset to 50 GosuBet minerals?
Excello Cup #1: results
This Excello Cup is a new toy that Bartar made for his kids at xLo, and it seems the little ones like it. But the cold-hearted mofo Darki just had to came and ruin their fun. Now that’s taking candy from xLo babies, god damn it!
GGSL Qualifications Round 1
ggsl
On Friday, June 29th at 17:00 CET, a horde of 102 players participated in this event. Among them there were the sights of Datoby, Sudden, Mamon, Jack or MistrZZZ. Eventually the Polish PRIDarrogancE took it, leaving blood stains and sunflower seeds behind him. A half-burned “How to learn Mambo in 6 easy steps” manual was also found at the crime scene.
OnGameNet StarLeague Round of 4
osl
Stork, Iris, GGPlay and Flash are the Fantastic 4 now (can anyone explain to me how the fudge did Flash rape Bisu AGAIN?) and the games will be like that: Stork vs Iris and Flash vs GGPlay. Stork is immune to Terrans, having an 8-0 record, and Iris is just… a lamer when considering his TvP skills. As for Flash vs GGPlay, I would piss my pants laughing if that Flash dude makes it to the finals. God damn, what if he wins the god damn OSL? Our whole Universe as we know it would irremediably change. I am not ready for this.
KeSPA Rankings July 2007
k
Checking the Korean rankings each month is much more fun than not checking them! It’s a pretty interesting thing to do, I mean to see how that player is a lame loser and another one is a trend-setter. “sAviOr rullz” T-shirts are still cool, since the Maestro is still ranked 1st. Bisu Lee is now 2nd, kicking NaDa in the face and to the 3rd place. But who is that one on the 4th place? Could it be Boxer’s (read Oracle with smaller eyes) prediction as the next big thing? Yeah, baby, it’s a Birdtoss, not a plane, nor that Superguy, going +11 places. GoRush and Free[gm] climbed 7 spots to number 11, respectively 16, while PuSan went -8 to 18th place, Silver is now 20th (-11). Casy (or should we pronounce Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) doesn’t seem to use a bungee.
BONUS:
If you care about your cockroach Jimmy or Pablo or whatever you call him, you WILL follow the regulations. Thank you for your cooperation!
I’m not a lazy b*stard but I had a sh*tload of work so I couldn’t deliver it sooner. Hope you can all forgive me, cause otherwise my pet threatened to cut by balls off. Hope to see you next week as healthy as it can be. Yours truly, vhallee.
mym
This summer has “MIStrZZZ” written all over it! Think you’re cool if you cheer for Draco, Pj, or even hungtran – which is now a new entry in the dictionary, see “hacker”, “idiot”, “lamer who used maphack and still got raped by NaDa” (I’m sorry about that, some sO.o anti-fan just broke in an made me write this with a charged vibrator). Anyways, as I was saying T-shirts with inscriptions like “my incredible highskilled micromanagement”, “I just pawned everyone” or “Future WCG 2007 winner”. Arrogance is a wooden sword in the wrong hands, but MIStrZZZ makes it look like the Divine Rapier from that WarCraft III UMS with the Hydra hero.
StarCraft II: Q&A Batch 3
sc2
Karune over at Blizzard is that guy/girl/midget/shemale/drag-queen/alien (his sexuality is almost established, but his political and religious beliefs are yet to be known) that give bits of information regarding StarCraft II. The Question and Answer Batch 3 was released, giving answers to all sorts of “important question”. I still need answers to some questions, and after receiving a rather disappointing answer from Blizzard (“take your questions and shove them up your tail pipe, asshole!” and “don’t let me catch you around here, or I will cut you with a plastic spoon into tiny bits to feed them to my rabid parrot”), I would still like to get answers to questions like:
- Will the Zealots get the ability to eat ice-cream and have frost attack?
- Does the Mutalisk attack (glave wurm) give venereal diseases?
- Can High Templars evolve from pot to heroine?
- Are the Marine shields copied from the troops that appear at anti-Bush manifestations?
- Do the Infested Terrans speak Arabic?
- Can I teach my pet to work in the map editor?
Andrei vs MoonShine @ArenaTv
aArenaTv hosted yet another showmatch in which Andrei and MoonShine were involved, or so they say. After a crushing 4-1 score favoring the Polish dude, some Mexican scientists that worked in an improvised garage 4 days and nights, using their excrements as food, actually discovered that Andrei wasn’t really playing and that a purple chipmunk with a skin condition and a lactose intolerance was used instead. Your mineral bets were lost, huh? Stop whining and file a court citation, because those bastards got too far!
Excello StarCraft Cup starts
xlo
"8x Weekly Excello Starcraft Cup Qualifying Tournaments. The top 2 players progress to the end of season final 16 tournament, where they do battle for the 3 headsets mentioned above. Each of the tournament winners will also earn themselves a SteelSeries SteelPad.” OK, it’s a nice idea, I love it, I hope some good players will be involved, but what about prizes like blenders, corn separators, wool washers, or something useful? Add this and think about the magnitude it will get.
MBC StarLeague Round of 8
mbcOversky, Bisu, GoRush, Savior, HwaSin, 910, FirebatHero, Nal_rA, StOrk, Sea, Light, TT, JulyZerg, iloveoov, Sheis and Xellos are qualified for this Round of 8; things don’t look too good for sAviOr, whose master matchups are now disaster matchups. BruceLee[Shield] doesn’t seem to have problems so this means it will be a hell of a boring final. I sure hope the Bisu fad will wear off like any other fads there were, cause I’m beginning to get tired of him sodomizing every living Korean pro.
QCup: Qualification Tourney #1
qQCup, brought to us by the Nerds at Work, has started with its qualification tournaments. Here, a team chooses a representative to play a 1v1 versus the other team’s player and the winner ensures a spot for his team. Team CHILE sent MOJ to play (read rape) LzGamer from rC, which made things interesting, as LzGamer was thought to wear the condom and aim for penetration. And now poor LzGamer is twisting and turning, he can't even sleep at night right, and he recently became a vegetarian, also fighting for the rights of Brazilian hairy toads.
China Rankings June 2007
The Chinese Dudes that appear here are pretty well-known to the non-Korean scene. Some of them like Lx, Pj, F91, Super, or Xiaozi and the all-time favorite, Beckham, who thinks he can win over the non Koreans with such ease that is hard to believe. Instead he gets butt-fudged every time he plays, so he’s a pretty embarrassing dude. Does F91’s wife know her husband is still playing in stead of cutting the onions for dinner? I guess not, otherwise we would see some skid marks on poor F91’s face.
MTV – official WCG partner
wcgHoly shit! Now that’s an interesting (read fugly) combination: micro tricks in between Beyonce and Nelly Furtado. Why on Earth would we want MTV to be a partner in such an event? Did National Geographic or Playboy Channel turn down the offer? Well, I’m sure we could have at least get Cartoon Network. Think this through!
IEST: a $150 000 prize pool
iestIEST is a Chinese tournament. The guys leading this have announced an amazing $150.000 cash prize sum for StarCraft, WarCraft and PES (shouldn’t it be PEZ? Or Apes? Whatever…) so the prizes would be $50000 for each one of them. Here’s what some Korean pro-gamers said when they heard the news:
Boxer: That is many money yes?
NaDa: 1a2a3a4t5t6t7v8v9vbswp0s
iloveoov: How much in bananas?
Rekrul: Hell yeah, all in a poker day’s work!
Hungtran: So I can’t use maphack? Why not?
StarCraft II Q&A Batch 4
Since Blizzard guys did not answer my previous questions, I will protest by not advertising the fact that a 4th batch of Q&A sessions has been published, giving new answers to new (boring) questions. Eat this!
SteelSeries World Cup: Canada wins
mym
The SteelSeries World Cup Season 2, the biggest nation war tournament, has finally come to an end, bringing Poland and Canada in the Grand Final. Cyru chickened out and said that Canada will rape their asses, even though the Polish dudes were the favorites. So now what? Reset to 50 GosuBet minerals?
Excello Cup #1: results
This Excello Cup is a new toy that Bartar made for his kids at xLo, and it seems the little ones like it. But the cold-hearted mofo Darki just had to came and ruin their fun. Now that’s taking candy from xLo babies, god damn it!
GGSL Qualifications Round 1
ggsl
On Friday, June 29th at 17:00 CET, a horde of 102 players participated in this event. Among them there were the sights of Datoby, Sudden, Mamon, Jack or MistrZZZ. Eventually the Polish PRIDarrogancE took it, leaving blood stains and sunflower seeds behind him. A half-burned “How to learn Mambo in 6 easy steps” manual was also found at the crime scene.
OnGameNet StarLeague Round of 4
osl
Stork, Iris, GGPlay and Flash are the Fantastic 4 now (can anyone explain to me how the fudge did Flash rape Bisu AGAIN?) and the games will be like that: Stork vs Iris and Flash vs GGPlay. Stork is immune to Terrans, having an 8-0 record, and Iris is just… a lamer when considering his TvP skills. As for Flash vs GGPlay, I would piss my pants laughing if that Flash dude makes it to the finals. God damn, what if he wins the god damn OSL? Our whole Universe as we know it would irremediably change. I am not ready for this.
KeSPA Rankings July 2007
k
Checking the Korean rankings each month is much more fun than not checking them! It’s a pretty interesting thing to do, I mean to see how that player is a lame loser and another one is a trend-setter. “sAviOr rullz” T-shirts are still cool, since the Maestro is still ranked 1st. Bisu Lee is now 2nd, kicking NaDa in the face and to the 3rd place. But who is that one on the 4th place? Could it be Boxer’s (read Oracle with smaller eyes) prediction as the next big thing? Yeah, baby, it’s a Birdtoss, not a plane, nor that Superguy, going +11 places. GoRush and Free[gm] climbed 7 spots to number 11, respectively 16, while PuSan went -8 to 18th place, Silver is now 20th (-11). Casy (or should we pronounce Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) doesn’t seem to use a bungee.
BONUS:
If you care about your cockroach Jimmy or Pablo or whatever you call him, you WILL follow the regulations. Thank you for your cooperation!
I’m not a lazy b*stard but I had a sh*tload of work so I couldn’t deliver it sooner. Hope you can all forgive me, cause otherwise my pet threatened to cut by balls off. Hope to see you next week as healthy as it can be. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/394.html - column #17
+ Show Spoiler +
MYM KOTH: MIStrZZZ > Hullah
koth
The MYM King of the Hill had the previously standing winner, Poland Protoss MIStrZZZ (this guy’s glued to the hill like an African giant leech) faced his compatriot, Poland Zerg Hullah, in order to see if we can get rid of the Polish Pride. Throughout the whole showmatch (a relatively short period, since MIStrZZZ basically bashed Hullah’s head against a sharp rock, causing him to lose both games) something smelled like shit. It was the smell of fear, coming from Hullah.
aFF movie by trayman
This Trayman guy was famous for making a movie with Poland Protoss Draco, brilliantly called “Draco – the movie” (personally, I was ravaged by the chosen title). Now he’s back and he made a 13 minute long movie about the fantastically famous team army From Future. He was the only one left to create this movie, since Spielberg was busy directing a movie with giant spiders that scream when they attack and the creators of Matrix were busy. Inside that Matrix. The soundtrack doesn’t have Britney Spears or Christina Aguillera, but don’t let this prevent you from watching it. Popcorn and lubricant (butter) are a must.
TL.net’s central audio commentary
tl
Team Liquid now has (thanks to Sr18) a collection of audio commentaries in English involving games between players like Korea, South Zerg sAviOr, Korea, South Terran IriS, Korea, South Protoss Bisu and more. English shoutcasting compared to the Korean ones are like this following situation: you are hired by a rich guy to get his daughter back from the hands of a kidnapper and you fail miserably, meaning that the chick gets wasted. In stead, you bring your employer a pet, not the daughter (cause she’s dead, remember?), but it’s just not the same...
zdd’s APMLive for 1.15
It’s been a while since the community was forced to play without a PenguinPlug, an auto-replay saver, an anti-hack, a rep-with-text, and APMLive... people were miserable, some of them turned to drugs, stealing or raping grannies, despair was in the air. Something had to be done, so this guy at TeamLiquid.net going by the name of zdd felt it’s up to him. He took his underwear over his latex pants, took a Cow-and-Chicken blanket to make it his cape and flew high into the sky from his sofa, using his trusty companion, the weed. After that, he gave the world a new APMLive (well, something like it), and now the community is forever in debt: you can still find on eBay pictures of him resized to match your altar at home.
Korean Navy will create a SC team
koreaLook at those Koreans! You turn your around for one minute and they create another professional StarCraft team. When the Korean Air Force created their pro-team, we and the NATO were like wtf?! Now they made a team inside the Korean Navy. What’s next? The Korean Army is already a joke, I say they should have new presidential elections and the candidate with the best micro/macro and APM wins! Uncle Boxer needs YOU!
StArCraft II Q&A Batch 5
sc2
Round 5 of the Question and Answer Saga has arrived, bringing new answers to new questions that seem to keep coming from the hungry crowd. One question was “What races will be playable at Blizzcon?” and the answer was “See ya at Blizzcon!”, leading me to suspect Blizzard will attempt to kidnap all the nerds that will gather up there and hold them for ransom. 10 WoW gold for each nerdy head would make them rich beyond belief.
xLo Cup #2 results
xlo
The second week of the Excello Cup has come to an end, with xLo.Fenix washing the shame that Chile Protoss LRM)Darki just cast upon them last week. After defeating MOJ(CHILE) in the semifinals, the Chile Terran Fenix dude pawned Spain Protoss Squall’s head (the Spanish guy who played Protoss steamrolled over the Deutschen duden Germany Zerg Mondragon) and crawled out of his hole with pride, since he now at least has an achievement, besides getting accepted by Greece Bartar. I suspect Fenix must have fulfilled some of Bartar’s sexual favors to get in.
WCG Bulgaria results
wcg
My neighbors, the Bulgarians, had the WCG finals for StarCraft, WarCraft III and Command & Conquer 3, the winners here going to the WCG edition in USA. The 1st place at StarCraft was taken by Bulgaria Terran Lamer, while Bulgaria Zerg eDDyisReaDy was second. By the way, did you know that my fellow Bulgarians are known for their thick scruffs (back of the head) and fantastic pickled cucumbers?
Excello adds ex-MgZ Sea3 and ex-DkH Dreiven
xlo
Bartar is naughty and he was not watched for a few minutes, so he got even more players for his collection. Right now, the American United State- Protoss Sea3 left the MgZ ship, while the Polish Poland Protoss Dreiven said “Screw you guys, I’m going home” to the German dudes at DkH. The other teams should look an eye out for Bartar: he’s TRICKY!
Hungtran kicked from team USA
us
It was all nice and fun in the great USA-A family: United State- Zerg iNcontroL was loved and respected by all and United State- Protoss Hungtran was no exception. Until one night. Having one too many drinks, Hungtran got a bit dizzy (basically he got wasted) and proceeded to go home. iNcontroL was already worried cause it was late and Hungtran was still not back, so he waited behind the door with a spiked paddle. The culprit got home, and iNcontroL proceeded with dismantling Hungtran’s skull using the paddle: “You have the stench of another one all over you! You have been cheating me!” But that doesn’t mean they can’t be friends from now on.
Excello wins BWML over aFz
bwml
The Brood War Massacre League reached and eventually ended its 6th season. Excello basically bashed every possible opponent they could get their hands on – what do we have here, a Korean dude named Korea, South Terran xLo.Orion? – reaching the finals. There, Bartar’s boys faced the Russians from Russian Fede- aFz (all for Zerg and Zerg for all?) and the result was 4-1, the only one losing from Excello being United State- Protoss xLo.AlbaJessica (aka xLo.RTardLosiNwHack or simply Hungtran, god we hate him so much, it’s almost illegal) since his maphack must have crashed or, even worse, he tried to win a game WITHOUT the hack. But Hungtran has better things to do, since the manhunt for his head has already begun.
Hungtran chat log: “I hack”
h
Now that’s what we’ve all been waiting for. This news has more flavor in it than religion in the Pope or stupid jokes in Eddy Murphy. But there’s a good side to this story, relax: United State- Protoss Hungtran has a good grammar. He proves it using the verb “to hack” at Present Tense: I hack, you hack, he/she/it hacks, we hack, you hack, they hack. This is poetry in motion! I wonder about his cooking skills: if he gets hired at McDonalds or whatever, I bet he’ll cheat on the amount of fries and juice. You know, once a hacker, always a lamer.
MIStrZZZ not banned from MYM KOTH
m
The Polish Pride has been recently involved in some scandals regarding his latest matches. The thing is that people say he hacks, while he says he hacks not. Some relevant pieces of discussions were found on a school janitor’s computer from Nebraska, next to the p0rn folder:
- MIStrZZZ, you hack!
- No, I don’t!
Anyways, MYM has decided that since there’s no hard evidence that Poland Protoss MIStrZZZ is a criminal, he can still be the King of the Hill and rape the next victims.
MIStrZZZ banned from MYM KOTH
Basically I lied in the other news. The divorce papers have been signed by both parts involved, which means that Poland Zerg ToT)Hullah( will be the the King now. The Polish Zerg is now against a Deutsch dude going by the nick of Germany Protoss DkH.Ghost. I hope this relationship will be based on trust more than the other one.
Blizzard reveals the Warp Ray
b
StarCraft II updates are basically happening each week, with more and more units. This variety makes me think we’ll see population 200 with 150 different units, which is not that bad after all. This Warp Ray is a unit designed to kill the big ones or even the buildings, since the more it fires at a single target, the more damage it starts doing. But let me put it this way: do you think a ship that looks like a flying flower and fires blue lasers like in the Sigourney Weaver movies is supposed to bring fear into the hearts of the BIG units?
BONUS:
Songs like “We will rock you” or “Bohemian Rhapsody”… those were the days… haven’t you ever wondered how Japanese people sing Queen? I’m sure you have.
This week’s officially over. Now that you have this new column to serve as your preoccupation to make the boss think you’re working hard (when you’re basically hardly working), you can have an easier job at your cubicle. Merry Christmas from vhallee!
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/407.html - column #18
+ Show Spoiler +
LAN in Hampton with $3000 in prizes
Hampton is hosting this year’s StarCraft LAN, giving away $3000 as prizes: $1500 – first place, $1000 – second place and $500 sixth place. Hewlet Packard is sponsoring this event, which will take place in an Internet café from HoloDek. Artosis, Slog4, Tasteless (who will probably talk a lot during his own games), G5 or LastGosu will be some of the names there, which will make it better. Let the NerdFest begin!
Battle of the Bees Season II
bb
Battle of the Bees is a WGTour creation that involves the B nations only. This time we have 16 teams divided into 4 groups of 4. I would like to put myself into the shoes of the one that thought of naming this event “Battle of the Bees”:
…
…
…
I can’t! I’m not twisted enough to do it.
Blizzard’s StarCraft II at E3
b
If you missed the chance to get a ticket to the Blizzcon for this year in August, you still have another chance: StarCraft II Development Team members are going to be there and show the crowd some new stuff. However, in order to attend this, the ones that are interested must do a series of ritualistic moves and actions that involved unpeeled bananas insertions (the location is still unknown), leather whips and fluffy handcuffs. But think about it: ok, you won’t be able to sit down the next day, but hell, you had a blast there!
MYM KOTH: Ghost vs Hullah
mym
MIStrZZZ was happy raping everybody at every MYM KOTH edition. It was all nice and fun until the meanies at MYM left him a small message:
“MIStrZZZ, we are sorry to inform you but we will no longer need your services. We feel that we no longer share the same agenda and we need to let you go on and decide your future actions without MYM. Understand, it’s nothing personal, but you are a god damn maphacker and we hope you burn in hell! Have a nice day.”
Now the competition will be held between MIStrZZZ’s last two victims, Ghost and Hullah. Eventually, Ghost went through Hullah like ink through chalk, just like in the Colgate test.
ArenaTv showmatch: SunCow vs NonY
a
This time, ArenaTv hosted a showmatch between SunCow (the Polish guy that went to Korea and failed miserably, even though his skill was significantly better after the Korean experience) and NonY (the guy that said he doesn’t know how to play Luna because he didn’t get a change to play it (OMG!)). Eventually, Mr. Dawid Al-Dughaither smashed his way through the American, making a hot knife through butter look like a slow process.
StarCraft II unit details
sc
More unit details about StarCraft II… Rob Pardo admits the rumors are true about the new units, but he denies that these units are final. He also denied several child molesting accusations and being related to major watermelon farm devastations on the 4th of July.
Excello Cup #3 sign-up
e
It’s like Excello Cup #2 sign-up, except it has a 3 in stead of a 2…
MSL and OSL map packs 1999 – 2007
osl
|s؟2ĈڡĖŁ±¨DϝƽʒϑʭŮ¯ȳƞü▓¤ž
Excello gets SunCow
xlo
After raping Nony (in the ass), SunCow went out to celebrate and got drunk. Bartar was sitting at the next table watching his favorite series (Pokemon – Collet ‘em all) on the mobile phone, when he saw SunCow: their eyes met, they exchanged smiles, and it was only a matter of time until the Polish Zerg surrendered to Bartar’s charms. The next morning, SunCow signed the contract.
WGT: The World Champion Belt
wgt
A new Team League going by this “interesting” name has just been created. It is divided into continents and we’re going to have an American Belt, a European Belt and an Asian Belt, while the most important one will be the World Belt. I don’t see an Australian (hey mate!) Belt, and what makes me even sadder is that there is not a tourney for Africa. I’m sure Mbutu Nconku from Tumbuktu can kick some serious ass.
BWCL: DkH vs TheDwarf
bw
DkH smashed TheDwarf on game-TV, just like that. But seriously, who came up with the name TheDwarf? Does that guy feel like expressing his life through SMALL things? If it was TheGiant, I was thinking he was trying to compensate for something.
SEn and SarenS replay packs available
Hey ya’all! Grab them while they’re hot! We have 2 specialties today: a replay pack from the origin country of the baguette and another one from the country that gave “massage” and “boxing” new meanings. Both of them? Ok then, that will be 69… excuse me, that will be on the house.
BONUS:
Ever since the beginning of time, the man sought to ask the help of the gods when he was in need: the Seven Wonders were also born, but they started to fade, so new ones had to be found. Bow down, mortal!
BONUS2:
“Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer!” So this is where Adolfrofl got his inspiration… No nazis!
Sorry about the delay (I really have the feeling that some of you are really looking forward to seeing my next column… dunno why, I may need to pay a visit to the vet) but at least it’s here. Like it? Say it! Hate it? Lie to me! See you soon! Yours truly, vhallee.
Hampton is hosting this year’s StarCraft LAN, giving away $3000 as prizes: $1500 – first place, $1000 – second place and $500 sixth place. Hewlet Packard is sponsoring this event, which will take place in an Internet café from HoloDek. Artosis, Slog4, Tasteless (who will probably talk a lot during his own games), G5 or LastGosu will be some of the names there, which will make it better. Let the NerdFest begin!
Battle of the Bees Season II
bb
Battle of the Bees is a WGTour creation that involves the B nations only. This time we have 16 teams divided into 4 groups of 4. I would like to put myself into the shoes of the one that thought of naming this event “Battle of the Bees”:
…
…
…
I can’t! I’m not twisted enough to do it.
Blizzard’s StarCraft II at E3
b
If you missed the chance to get a ticket to the Blizzcon for this year in August, you still have another chance: StarCraft II Development Team members are going to be there and show the crowd some new stuff. However, in order to attend this, the ones that are interested must do a series of ritualistic moves and actions that involved unpeeled bananas insertions (the location is still unknown), leather whips and fluffy handcuffs. But think about it: ok, you won’t be able to sit down the next day, but hell, you had a blast there!
MYM KOTH: Ghost vs Hullah
mym
MIStrZZZ was happy raping everybody at every MYM KOTH edition. It was all nice and fun until the meanies at MYM left him a small message:
“MIStrZZZ, we are sorry to inform you but we will no longer need your services. We feel that we no longer share the same agenda and we need to let you go on and decide your future actions without MYM. Understand, it’s nothing personal, but you are a god damn maphacker and we hope you burn in hell! Have a nice day.”
Now the competition will be held between MIStrZZZ’s last two victims, Ghost and Hullah. Eventually, Ghost went through Hullah like ink through chalk, just like in the Colgate test.
ArenaTv showmatch: SunCow vs NonY
a
This time, ArenaTv hosted a showmatch between SunCow (the Polish guy that went to Korea and failed miserably, even though his skill was significantly better after the Korean experience) and NonY (the guy that said he doesn’t know how to play Luna because he didn’t get a change to play it (OMG!)). Eventually, Mr. Dawid Al-Dughaither smashed his way through the American, making a hot knife through butter look like a slow process.
StarCraft II unit details
sc
More unit details about StarCraft II… Rob Pardo admits the rumors are true about the new units, but he denies that these units are final. He also denied several child molesting accusations and being related to major watermelon farm devastations on the 4th of July.
Excello Cup #3 sign-up
e
It’s like Excello Cup #2 sign-up, except it has a 3 in stead of a 2…
MSL and OSL map packs 1999 – 2007
osl
|s؟2ĈڡĖŁ±¨DϝƽʒϑʭŮ¯ȳƞü▓¤ž
Excello gets SunCow
xlo
After raping Nony (in the ass), SunCow went out to celebrate and got drunk. Bartar was sitting at the next table watching his favorite series (Pokemon – Collet ‘em all) on the mobile phone, when he saw SunCow: their eyes met, they exchanged smiles, and it was only a matter of time until the Polish Zerg surrendered to Bartar’s charms. The next morning, SunCow signed the contract.
WGT: The World Champion Belt
wgt
A new Team League going by this “interesting” name has just been created. It is divided into continents and we’re going to have an American Belt, a European Belt and an Asian Belt, while the most important one will be the World Belt. I don’t see an Australian (hey mate!) Belt, and what makes me even sadder is that there is not a tourney for Africa. I’m sure Mbutu Nconku from Tumbuktu can kick some serious ass.
BWCL: DkH vs TheDwarf
bw
DkH smashed TheDwarf on game-TV, just like that. But seriously, who came up with the name TheDwarf? Does that guy feel like expressing his life through SMALL things? If it was TheGiant, I was thinking he was trying to compensate for something.
SEn and SarenS replay packs available
Hey ya’all! Grab them while they’re hot! We have 2 specialties today: a replay pack from the origin country of the baguette and another one from the country that gave “massage” and “boxing” new meanings. Both of them? Ok then, that will be 69… excuse me, that will be on the house.
BONUS:
Ever since the beginning of time, the man sought to ask the help of the gods when he was in need: the Seven Wonders were also born, but they started to fade, so new ones had to be found. Bow down, mortal!
BONUS2:
“Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer!” So this is where Adolfrofl got his inspiration… No nazis!
Sorry about the delay (I really have the feeling that some of you are really looking forward to seeing my next column… dunno why, I may need to pay a visit to the vet) but at least it’s here. Like it? Say it! Hate it? Lie to me! See you soon! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/414.html - column #19
+ Show Spoiler +
MYM.Blackman > DkH.GhosT
mym
The latest MYM KOTH edition had Blackman facing GhosT in a Best of 5 series, just like the usual. After pwning Hullah, people were looking different at GhosT; some weak people started worshipping this new German Terran by mass ordering posters with this guy. Blackman, on the other hand, already has a cultural movement created by his fans, which is called Blackmanism, naturally. Ghost never stood a chance. A 3 – zero usually proves the fact that some matches are unfair. Well so is life.
Bisu wins MSL
msl
Imagine that! Do you remember that Protoss had the least amount of top players? Now we see a PvP final? What has the world become?! Bisu Lee now has 2 consecutive MSL titles and the bad thing is that he doesn’t seem to be stopping here. Some say that Stork was blackmailed with some pictures of him in the shower holding something in his hand that did not look like soap, others say that Bisu threatened Stork with a roundhouse kick just like in the Chuck Norris facts. Stork is weak.
Battle of the Bees – Round 1 matches
b
I must again congratulate the one that came up with the name for the event. Anyways, the first matches have been played, and guess what? Croatia B raped USA B! Other than that, the results have been quite normal. But still, Croatia B?! That Xzibit guy must have showed up. ("Pimp my B-team")
WCG Korea 2007 Qualifications
wcg
The WCG Korea participants are surprisingly Korean. All of them. It’s true! 26 players, out of which 8 are seeded, will go yellow face to yellow face in this fight that is basically a matter of life and death. Some progamers that will not make it might be found the next day under a bridge, lying there with a handgun in the pocket and a bullet in the head. The coaches know this, so they tend to bring it up in discussions as often as possible, in order to make their players train harder. JulyZerg might get away with it even if he fails to qualify, as it is still unclear if a bullet can travel the great distance that July is.
GG.net interviews JulyZerg
j
GosuGamers caught July on Battle.net, playing his favorite games “fastest l33t only” and “bgh no n00bz!!!1” and since he was caught, he said: “You caught me!”. The next part involved his sexual, religious and political beliefs, which covered about 34% of the interview. The rest of 86% was about food.
A new StarCraft team: Overdrive
od
Must not be mixed up with Overdose, which is a slang term for “a good time”. Orison, poGDI, KermiT and KatZ got together (“let’s get together and feel all right!”) and decided to start a new StarCraft team. Orison is known for his “extra” clowning career, which also involve tax dodging, so a place for money-laundering had to be found. Besides old-school gosus, some Korean mercenaries have been recruited, swearing to mercilessly rape any n00b that happen to f*ck around with Od.
StarCraft II Q&A batch 6
sc
Blizzard has continued the saga called “We answer your dumbest and most predictable questions and make a big deal out of it” with the sixth batch. The questions were carefully chosen so as to bring as much new information as possible. Not. I’m not sure that the ones who brought up the questions have opposable thumbs or an IQ over 74 (required to safely put a record the right way into a record-supporting device). I mean these guys are like the Special Olympics winners: even if they won, they still are retarded.
StarCraft II Terran units
sc2Hell, it’s about time! Terran units have just been revealed, showing some old but also some new units that will be a part of the Terran Dominion. About these new units, they look pretty much like some Transformers – Dexter’s laboratory hybrids and a Supply Depot that looks like an elevator (going down?). By the way, it was not Blizzard who revealed this, they only admitted it. And that’s pretty lame.
xLo gets one more DkH player
xlo
After Suncow and Dreiven left the Germany’s Sick Dudes, it was time for another “Bartar’s charm >yours” series: Yayba also said “Guten tag und see you later” to DkH. The fun part is that a hilarious flame war started between Bartar and the world. A must-see comedy show.
Gohan and Fabian join ToT
tot
It seems that Bartar lost his touch when it comes to “fromage a trios”. Gohan and Fabian are now ToT)Gohan(, respectively ToT)Fabian(, leading me to suspect that “the passion’s gone”, and whenever these two brought The Subject up, Bartar always accused headaches. It’s better to have loved (in any position) and lost than to have been loved only from behind.
Excello Cup #4 sign-ups
xlo
The fourth week of Excello Cup is starting, so players started rushing to get their hands on hardware prizes offered by the team. If we consider the way xLo keeps getting players, the Excello StarCraft Cup will be an internal competition. An internationally internal one. The good thing is that they solved the multicultural differences, by giving computer gear in stead of burritos, sushi, pizza, baguettes, dirt or live worms.
LRM wins QCup week 1
lrmLos Reyes del Mambo, these dancers with high APM, have proven once more they can get down the right way! Lamer was the one that used his hips and hands to bring the victory to the Mambo Kings, bunkering poor Yulla, which has been reported to be in a mental facility, with sever shock and a long-lasting trauma after the game.
Blizzard reveals the Twilight Archon
sc2Blizzard has just officially announced the Twilight Archon as a Protoss unit. The mighty Twilight Archon, bent on destruction, suffering and pain, is now WALKING in stead of hovering, and he uses a pair of blue rubber boots. Blizzard has not yet confirmed a deal with Gucci or Armani concerning the Archon boots. The Archon could use a hat with a purple feather, so he can be a Twilight Pimp.
Tasteless is back
The sick American shoutcaster, going by the stage name of Tasteless, is now a WarCraft III shoutcaster too, and all this because he made a compromise: he will have to do casting for WC III otherwise he won’t be able to do the SC ones. The things he does for StarCraft! I heard some multimillionaires pedophiles would like to pay him to do StarCraft shoutcasting AND some minor extra stuff.
ToSsGirl interview
tg
ToSsGirl got interviewed because she is a famous female progamer and because she has many accomplishments, not because she is a good looking female progamer with good results only in female leagues. An interview of ToSsGirl with no pictures is like a Tom without a Jerry or a camel with no humps. It’s just…. well sad! I'm not saying that Naomi Campbel couldn't get just the same satisfaction by researching nuclear fusion, but it's just not the same .
Interview with ICCup.Yellow-Ant
icc
Yellow-Ant is the ICCup leader and basically its creator. In a short period of time the long-awaited anti-hack feature will be enabled for this server. After this feature, I guess the server will be empty, cause it will be hard to play a game where half of your screen will be continuously spammed with “Suspicious action by player x at 42.35.2 selecting YOUR god damn buildings/units”.
Blizzard takes back the Soul Hunter
After many nights in which the Soul Hunter came home drunk and started beating his wife like hell, Blizzard decided to evict him. He was a trouble maker and he clearly doesn’t fit in here. I never knew that Zealots on hovering scooters with vacuum cleaners in their hands can be so bad mannered.
DAUM OSL: GGplay > IriS
osl
The OSL Grand Final brought face to face GGplay and IriS. After 2 games of “wtf were you thinking GGplay OMG u suck n00b!” coming from the fans, this RO16 Zerg stomped this so-called Berserker Terran with 3 matches that made IriS think if it was better to keep his job as an used car salesman and amateur vet. Ah, and one more thing: throught the ceremony, did GGplay really have to keep his dad by the hand?
ToT showmatch: Gohan vs SquaLL
The Templars of Twilight hosted a showmatch between El Zergo playero Squall, and their new acquisition, the Polski Protosski playerski Gohan. We all know what a fierce beast Gohan is when it comes to 2v2s, but owning Squall in a 1v1 showmatch is a bit too far in my opinion. Squall got pissed and Gohan might find himself in a very difficult situation trying to stop an ice ax from breaking his skull while being tied like a mummy.
GG.net interviews MIStrZZZ
ggAfter owning AGAIN Hullah, MIStrZZZ decided to break the silence. He didn’t get invited to the Tonight Show but he settled for a GG.net interview. After being tired of the “Do you hack?” spam questions, MIStrZZZ gave a truly golden statement: “And whats more is that I like very much to laugh, in this case at ppl who gets angry for nothing.” Ignoring the spelling, we see the Polish Pride has a fetish.
BONUS:
This one is for all my fans. What is it? Well, it’s a picture of me in the shower.
OK, I think you had enough for one week. The next dose will probably arrive next week, and that if you behave. Yours truly, vhallee.
mym
The latest MYM KOTH edition had Blackman facing GhosT in a Best of 5 series, just like the usual. After pwning Hullah, people were looking different at GhosT; some weak people started worshipping this new German Terran by mass ordering posters with this guy. Blackman, on the other hand, already has a cultural movement created by his fans, which is called Blackmanism, naturally. Ghost never stood a chance. A 3 – zero usually proves the fact that some matches are unfair. Well so is life.
Bisu wins MSL
msl
Imagine that! Do you remember that Protoss had the least amount of top players? Now we see a PvP final? What has the world become?! Bisu Lee now has 2 consecutive MSL titles and the bad thing is that he doesn’t seem to be stopping here. Some say that Stork was blackmailed with some pictures of him in the shower holding something in his hand that did not look like soap, others say that Bisu threatened Stork with a roundhouse kick just like in the Chuck Norris facts. Stork is weak.
Battle of the Bees – Round 1 matches
b
I must again congratulate the one that came up with the name for the event. Anyways, the first matches have been played, and guess what? Croatia B raped USA B! Other than that, the results have been quite normal. But still, Croatia B?! That Xzibit guy must have showed up. ("Pimp my B-team")
WCG Korea 2007 Qualifications
wcg
The WCG Korea participants are surprisingly Korean. All of them. It’s true! 26 players, out of which 8 are seeded, will go yellow face to yellow face in this fight that is basically a matter of life and death. Some progamers that will not make it might be found the next day under a bridge, lying there with a handgun in the pocket and a bullet in the head. The coaches know this, so they tend to bring it up in discussions as often as possible, in order to make their players train harder. JulyZerg might get away with it even if he fails to qualify, as it is still unclear if a bullet can travel the great distance that July is.
GG.net interviews JulyZerg
j
GosuGamers caught July on Battle.net, playing his favorite games “fastest l33t only” and “bgh no n00bz!!!1” and since he was caught, he said: “You caught me!”. The next part involved his sexual, religious and political beliefs, which covered about 34% of the interview. The rest of 86% was about food.
A new StarCraft team: Overdrive
od
Must not be mixed up with Overdose, which is a slang term for “a good time”. Orison, poGDI, KermiT and KatZ got together (“let’s get together and feel all right!”) and decided to start a new StarCraft team. Orison is known for his “extra” clowning career, which also involve tax dodging, so a place for money-laundering had to be found. Besides old-school gosus, some Korean mercenaries have been recruited, swearing to mercilessly rape any n00b that happen to f*ck around with Od.
StarCraft II Q&A batch 6
sc
Blizzard has continued the saga called “We answer your dumbest and most predictable questions and make a big deal out of it” with the sixth batch. The questions were carefully chosen so as to bring as much new information as possible. Not. I’m not sure that the ones who brought up the questions have opposable thumbs or an IQ over 74 (required to safely put a record the right way into a record-supporting device). I mean these guys are like the Special Olympics winners: even if they won, they still are retarded.
StarCraft II Terran units
sc2Hell, it’s about time! Terran units have just been revealed, showing some old but also some new units that will be a part of the Terran Dominion. About these new units, they look pretty much like some Transformers – Dexter’s laboratory hybrids and a Supply Depot that looks like an elevator (going down?). By the way, it was not Blizzard who revealed this, they only admitted it. And that’s pretty lame.
xLo gets one more DkH player
xlo
After Suncow and Dreiven left the Germany’s Sick Dudes, it was time for another “Bartar’s charm >yours” series: Yayba also said “Guten tag und see you later” to DkH. The fun part is that a hilarious flame war started between Bartar and the world. A must-see comedy show.
Gohan and Fabian join ToT
tot
It seems that Bartar lost his touch when it comes to “fromage a trios”. Gohan and Fabian are now ToT)Gohan(, respectively ToT)Fabian(, leading me to suspect that “the passion’s gone”, and whenever these two brought The Subject up, Bartar always accused headaches. It’s better to have loved (in any position) and lost than to have been loved only from behind.
Excello Cup #4 sign-ups
xlo
The fourth week of Excello Cup is starting, so players started rushing to get their hands on hardware prizes offered by the team. If we consider the way xLo keeps getting players, the Excello StarCraft Cup will be an internal competition. An internationally internal one. The good thing is that they solved the multicultural differences, by giving computer gear in stead of burritos, sushi, pizza, baguettes, dirt or live worms.
LRM wins QCup week 1
lrmLos Reyes del Mambo, these dancers with high APM, have proven once more they can get down the right way! Lamer was the one that used his hips and hands to bring the victory to the Mambo Kings, bunkering poor Yulla, which has been reported to be in a mental facility, with sever shock and a long-lasting trauma after the game.
Blizzard reveals the Twilight Archon
sc2Blizzard has just officially announced the Twilight Archon as a Protoss unit. The mighty Twilight Archon, bent on destruction, suffering and pain, is now WALKING in stead of hovering, and he uses a pair of blue rubber boots. Blizzard has not yet confirmed a deal with Gucci or Armani concerning the Archon boots. The Archon could use a hat with a purple feather, so he can be a Twilight Pimp.
Tasteless is back
The sick American shoutcaster, going by the stage name of Tasteless, is now a WarCraft III shoutcaster too, and all this because he made a compromise: he will have to do casting for WC III otherwise he won’t be able to do the SC ones. The things he does for StarCraft! I heard some multimillionaires pedophiles would like to pay him to do StarCraft shoutcasting AND some minor extra stuff.
ToSsGirl interview
tg
ToSsGirl got interviewed because she is a famous female progamer and because she has many accomplishments, not because she is a good looking female progamer with good results only in female leagues. An interview of ToSsGirl with no pictures is like a Tom without a Jerry or a camel with no humps. It’s just…. well sad! I'm not saying that Naomi Campbel couldn't get just the same satisfaction by researching nuclear fusion, but it's just not the same .
Interview with ICCup.Yellow-Ant
icc
Yellow-Ant is the ICCup leader and basically its creator. In a short period of time the long-awaited anti-hack feature will be enabled for this server. After this feature, I guess the server will be empty, cause it will be hard to play a game where half of your screen will be continuously spammed with “Suspicious action by player x at 42.35.2 selecting YOUR god damn buildings/units”.
Blizzard takes back the Soul Hunter
After many nights in which the Soul Hunter came home drunk and started beating his wife like hell, Blizzard decided to evict him. He was a trouble maker and he clearly doesn’t fit in here. I never knew that Zealots on hovering scooters with vacuum cleaners in their hands can be so bad mannered.
DAUM OSL: GGplay > IriS
osl
The OSL Grand Final brought face to face GGplay and IriS. After 2 games of “wtf were you thinking GGplay OMG u suck n00b!” coming from the fans, this RO16 Zerg stomped this so-called Berserker Terran with 3 matches that made IriS think if it was better to keep his job as an used car salesman and amateur vet. Ah, and one more thing: throught the ceremony, did GGplay really have to keep his dad by the hand?
ToT showmatch: Gohan vs SquaLL
The Templars of Twilight hosted a showmatch between El Zergo playero Squall, and their new acquisition, the Polski Protosski playerski Gohan. We all know what a fierce beast Gohan is when it comes to 2v2s, but owning Squall in a 1v1 showmatch is a bit too far in my opinion. Squall got pissed and Gohan might find himself in a very difficult situation trying to stop an ice ax from breaking his skull while being tied like a mummy.
GG.net interviews MIStrZZZ
ggAfter owning AGAIN Hullah, MIStrZZZ decided to break the silence. He didn’t get invited to the Tonight Show but he settled for a GG.net interview. After being tired of the “Do you hack?” spam questions, MIStrZZZ gave a truly golden statement: “And whats more is that I like very much to laugh, in this case at ppl who gets angry for nothing.” Ignoring the spelling, we see the Polish Pride has a fetish.
BONUS:
This one is for all my fans. What is it? Well, it’s a picture of me in the shower.
OK, I think you had enough for one week. The next dose will probably arrive next week, and that if you behave. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/article/435.html - column #20
+ Show Spoiler +
Third GGSL qualifier winners
gg
After some problems involving certain players within the GosuGamers StarLeague, a new qualifier was held to cover up those missing spots. I mean that players like MIStrZZZ, TT1 or sO.o decided (or GG.net decided for them) not to show up. It’s either this or the fact that they were given the boot after being caught hacking (yes, I’m talking about the “new wonder” sO.o) cause hacking is bad, mkay? As for the winners, they are: Chosen[LighT], BW-hapyrO, pAq.jersey, NGr.Lowely, aAa.CrayOn.
sAviOr article and replay pack
s
sAviOr, also known as the Divine Raper (or Divine Rapist), has been doing pretty good lately. Not. But anyway, let’s not say he’s in a slump; he just is on a raping break. He is thinking just like a cotton field master: “maybe I have been wrong about my servants all the time. Maybe I have mistreated them and I was a bad person, owning everyone with such cold blood. [devil voice]Meh, maybe not!”[/devil voice]
New StarCraft II screenshots
sc
You know what beats the Paris Hilton videos and pics? No, not the pictures with me and my father fishing, or pictures of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking, but StarCraft II pictures! That’s right, kids! Not available in stores!
StarCraft II Q&A batch 7
sc
But what can be better than StarCraft II pictures? StarCraft II facts, of course. Trained pets (I truly hope this isn’t the work of human beings) had another chance at asking about this new Blizzard game that you may have heard of. Remembering how a Blizzard dude screwed it up with 3 Templars becoming an Archon, it would be fun to keep asking “How many Templars are needed to create an Archon?”, just to make him realize he pissed off the wrong people. Killing his friends and relatives up until the 4th degree in a suburban forest is another way to say “We just had to do this. Don’t take it personal.”
And I still think about that Popsickle
ICCup releases Anti-Hack Launcher
icc
Fantastic! Incredible! Wonderful! Excellent! Outstanding! Great! Very nice! Good! It’s ok! Well… whatever… ICCup has just released their Number One Thing! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Anti-Hack feature! The magic lasted about 20 minutes, after which this feature was taken back to the garage, cause it had some oil leaks and some problems with the piping. The surgeons over at ICCup are a bit worried, so they said they will keep the patient over night for future observations.
ArenaTv showmatch: Jack vs CrayOn
a
The Romanians from ArenaTv convinced one more dude of their kind to be thrown in the sacrificial pit with a hungry non-Korean. This edition’s victim, Jack, faced the July-look-alike CrayOn in a TvZ showmatch. The outcome left CrayOn with a full belly. A belly full of Jack’s body, that is.
StarCraft II Auto-cast issue
sc
Everything, I mean EVERYTHING about StarCraft II deserves all the attention in the world. Right now, the fuss is about the damn auto-cast. The Blizzard dudes say that auto-cast will only be available for Medics and SCVs, so basically this auto-cast just waved bye-bye. I really think they should release a “full auto-cast” version just for the f*ckin’ fun of it. The High Templar will be like the Russian Roulette Templar!
QCup Round 2
q
Team BW- is in the lead thanks to the flawless victory by Gurram: he came , he saw, he raped. Look up there in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is that Gurram? What the hell are you doing there?
Hampton LAN: G5 wins
h
The American LAN at Hampton showed nothing new: the already known dudes got the first places, although there was a bit of a change there: Idra the favorite came second, while G5 was Teh pwn3r3. The LAN was unfortunately sponsored by Hewlett Packard, since neither the McDonald’s and WonderBra representatives could not be contacted in time, but the next LAN is supposed to be sponsored by Whiskas and Valium.
ODT Groups
osl
Those greedy Koreans! They barely end one season and ta-da! the next season is already open! From what I’ve seen in the first matches, the gosus are doing shi… let’s just say they’re not performing as expected: Gorilla Terran (Oov macro! Oov crush!)got a banana shoved up his tail pipe by Luxury (how embarrassing!) and ManToss met a manlier dude that met him, raped him, met him again, raped him again (or raped him some more, which do you think that sounds better). As for sAviOr, at least he tore apart one youngling apart (BlackHo), while getting spanked by Flash, who could be his son. Those were sad days, where young wolves bite the tails of the older ones.
StarCraft the Board Game at Blizzcon
sc
Well now, you were warned before, and it seems that the mad scientists that elaborated this mad scheme are now loose, heading to a BlizzCon near you! I asked myself why in the world would I want to buy the cardboard version of StarCraft:
- dude, wake up!
- wha.. wh.. What??
- it’s me! You!
- what do you want?
- well, should we buy the StarCraft on cardboard?
-hell no, what do you want me to do with it? Smoke the box and melt the action figures to make a necklace?
- no dude, micro with figurines and stuff.
- let’s get something to eat.
- Ok.
WCG China results
wcg
“Made in China”. Recognize this one? Well, the Chinese dudes thought they could stop pirating stuff for a while and have a game or two. Have a game or two of StarCraft, of course, with legal copies. With players like F91, Super, LeiLei, Jifeng, Phoenix66, Pj, or Lx, the competition was pretty fun. Eventually, F91’s wife let him stay a bit later than usual, so he managed to grab the second place, since Phoenix66 doesn’t have a wife yet.
MIStrZZZ in WCG Poland finals
wcg
After raping noobs, like the Polish custom is, MIStrZZZ is now first, followed by SunCow and Paranoid. I really think he should be made a World of WarCraft or DotA character with “Arrogance” as his base skill:
- each point increases insult rate by +1
- each point adds +2 words to backtalk
- every 5 points increases self-love by +1 and countrymen hatred by +2
StarCraft II Protoss and Terran descriptions
sc
Another INcredible StarCraft II news, ladies and gentlemen! Upon reading the skills that Terrans and Protoss have, I also came up with some ideas of my own:
For Terran:
- tax evasion – increases the number of reported harvested resources using SCVs withour work contracts
- bankruptcy – infiltrates a unit into an enemy Command Centre, causing massive resource drops
- Sigourney Weaver – powerful anti-Zerg infantry. The anti-Protoss infantry should be a unit called Arnold Schwarzenegger
For Protoss:
- Area 51 – summons American Government to shroud all Protoss locations into fog of war. Lasts as much as Bush wants to.
- Roswell – sends some decoys into some parts of the map to distract stupid Terrans.
- Laser – all units that didn’t get lasers, will have them now. Bigger and flashier.
That being said, I put an end to this week's column. And remember: Don't do drugs! Let them do you. Yours truly, vhallee.
gg
After some problems involving certain players within the GosuGamers StarLeague, a new qualifier was held to cover up those missing spots. I mean that players like MIStrZZZ, TT1 or sO.o decided (or GG.net decided for them) not to show up. It’s either this or the fact that they were given the boot after being caught hacking (yes, I’m talking about the “new wonder” sO.o) cause hacking is bad, mkay? As for the winners, they are: Chosen[LighT], BW-hapyrO, pAq.jersey, NGr.Lowely, aAa.CrayOn.
sAviOr article and replay pack
s
sAviOr, also known as the Divine Raper (or Divine Rapist), has been doing pretty good lately. Not. But anyway, let’s not say he’s in a slump; he just is on a raping break. He is thinking just like a cotton field master: “maybe I have been wrong about my servants all the time. Maybe I have mistreated them and I was a bad person, owning everyone with such cold blood. [devil voice]Meh, maybe not!”[/devil voice]
New StarCraft II screenshots
sc
You know what beats the Paris Hilton videos and pics? No, not the pictures with me and my father fishing, or pictures of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking, but StarCraft II pictures! That’s right, kids! Not available in stores!
StarCraft II Q&A batch 7
sc
But what can be better than StarCraft II pictures? StarCraft II facts, of course. Trained pets (I truly hope this isn’t the work of human beings) had another chance at asking about this new Blizzard game that you may have heard of. Remembering how a Blizzard dude screwed it up with 3 Templars becoming an Archon, it would be fun to keep asking “How many Templars are needed to create an Archon?”, just to make him realize he pissed off the wrong people. Killing his friends and relatives up until the 4th degree in a suburban forest is another way to say “We just had to do this. Don’t take it personal.”
And I still think about that Popsickle
ICCup releases Anti-Hack Launcher
icc
Fantastic! Incredible! Wonderful! Excellent! Outstanding! Great! Very nice! Good! It’s ok! Well… whatever… ICCup has just released their Number One Thing! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the Anti-Hack feature! The magic lasted about 20 minutes, after which this feature was taken back to the garage, cause it had some oil leaks and some problems with the piping. The surgeons over at ICCup are a bit worried, so they said they will keep the patient over night for future observations.
ArenaTv showmatch: Jack vs CrayOn
a
The Romanians from ArenaTv convinced one more dude of their kind to be thrown in the sacrificial pit with a hungry non-Korean. This edition’s victim, Jack, faced the July-look-alike CrayOn in a TvZ showmatch. The outcome left CrayOn with a full belly. A belly full of Jack’s body, that is.
StarCraft II Auto-cast issue
sc
Everything, I mean EVERYTHING about StarCraft II deserves all the attention in the world. Right now, the fuss is about the damn auto-cast. The Blizzard dudes say that auto-cast will only be available for Medics and SCVs, so basically this auto-cast just waved bye-bye. I really think they should release a “full auto-cast” version just for the f*ckin’ fun of it. The High Templar will be like the Russian Roulette Templar!
QCup Round 2
q
Team BW- is in the lead thanks to the flawless victory by Gurram: he came , he saw, he raped. Look up there in the sky! Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is that Gurram? What the hell are you doing there?
Hampton LAN: G5 wins
h
The American LAN at Hampton showed nothing new: the already known dudes got the first places, although there was a bit of a change there: Idra the favorite came second, while G5 was Teh pwn3r3. The LAN was unfortunately sponsored by Hewlett Packard, since neither the McDonald’s and WonderBra representatives could not be contacted in time, but the next LAN is supposed to be sponsored by Whiskas and Valium.
ODT Groups
osl
Those greedy Koreans! They barely end one season and ta-da! the next season is already open! From what I’ve seen in the first matches, the gosus are doing shi… let’s just say they’re not performing as expected: Gorilla Terran (Oov macro! Oov crush!)got a banana shoved up his tail pipe by Luxury (how embarrassing!) and ManToss met a manlier dude that met him, raped him, met him again, raped him again (or raped him some more, which do you think that sounds better). As for sAviOr, at least he tore apart one youngling apart (BlackHo), while getting spanked by Flash, who could be his son. Those were sad days, where young wolves bite the tails of the older ones.
StarCraft the Board Game at Blizzcon
sc
Well now, you were warned before, and it seems that the mad scientists that elaborated this mad scheme are now loose, heading to a BlizzCon near you! I asked myself why in the world would I want to buy the cardboard version of StarCraft:
- dude, wake up!
- wha.. wh.. What??
- it’s me! You!
- what do you want?
- well, should we buy the StarCraft on cardboard?
-hell no, what do you want me to do with it? Smoke the box and melt the action figures to make a necklace?
- no dude, micro with figurines and stuff.
- let’s get something to eat.
- Ok.
WCG China results
wcg
“Made in China”. Recognize this one? Well, the Chinese dudes thought they could stop pirating stuff for a while and have a game or two. Have a game or two of StarCraft, of course, with legal copies. With players like F91, Super, LeiLei, Jifeng, Phoenix66, Pj, or Lx, the competition was pretty fun. Eventually, F91’s wife let him stay a bit later than usual, so he managed to grab the second place, since Phoenix66 doesn’t have a wife yet.
MIStrZZZ in WCG Poland finals
wcg
After raping noobs, like the Polish custom is, MIStrZZZ is now first, followed by SunCow and Paranoid. I really think he should be made a World of WarCraft or DotA character with “Arrogance” as his base skill:
- each point increases insult rate by +1
- each point adds +2 words to backtalk
- every 5 points increases self-love by +1 and countrymen hatred by +2
StarCraft II Protoss and Terran descriptions
sc
Another INcredible StarCraft II news, ladies and gentlemen! Upon reading the skills that Terrans and Protoss have, I also came up with some ideas of my own:
For Terran:
- tax evasion – increases the number of reported harvested resources using SCVs withour work contracts
- bankruptcy – infiltrates a unit into an enemy Command Centre, causing massive resource drops
- Sigourney Weaver – powerful anti-Zerg infantry. The anti-Protoss infantry should be a unit called Arnold Schwarzenegger
For Protoss:
- Area 51 – summons American Government to shroud all Protoss locations into fog of war. Lasts as much as Bush wants to.
- Roswell – sends some decoys into some parts of the map to distract stupid Terrans.
- Laser – all units that didn’t get lasers, will have them now. Bigger and flashier.
That being said, I put an end to this week's column. And remember: Don't do drugs! Let them do you. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/440.html - column #21
+ Show Spoiler +
The thing is that, since this week is the “Worship Blizzard and its games” week, this column should basically be about StarCraft. 2. If you are allergic to it, take the blue pill, go to sleep and you will wake up without knowing this even exists. If you take the red pill, you will stay here and see how bad it gets.
Warning: the red pill will cause brain damage and penis shrinkage.
Pro-gamer match-up statistics
tl
With the Team Liquid Pro-gaming Database, every n00bZoR is having opinions about Stork’s inability to completely master PvP when it comes to late game pressing and countering the cheese factor. In translation, Stork lost to Bisu in maps like Monty Hall because he did some stupid mistakes in the long run. And what’s the cause you ask? Well, this TL database makes it easy for any part-time tailor with middle-school studies to become South Korean StarCraft analyst.
Skew talks about BlizzCon
b
Skew, the famous Skew, ladies and gentlemen, got interviewed by GosuGamers. In that interview, he expressed the need to win BlizzCon in order to continue with the next steps into becoming T3h Pwn3Rer. After this win, he will candidate for the US presidency, stop the third-world countries’ poverty issues, adopt 2 or 3 Nigerian babies and make a country music CD. I’m sorry, who is Skew again? What? A StarCraft player?
MYM KOTH: Blackman vs Gohan
mym
MYM doesn’t give up and sets another KOTH edition. Blackman owned last edition and it was time to meet a Polski dude called Gohan – you know him, he and Fabian like to group-rape. But anyway, let there be light, camera and action! And there were light, camera and action… Tau Cross, Arcadia and Ride of Valkyries meant Gohan pwnage, while Blackman was king on Longinus and Lost Temple. But since 2 is smaller than 3 (for net nerds that’s 3 pawned 2’s head or 3>2), Blackman had to settle for nothing now, while the Royal Toilet Seat (I wrote it in capitals cause I can) went to Gohan. Is it me or this KOTH is the Polish playground?
WGTour down?
mym
Remember when PGT went down? People were miserable, chaos was the law, it was all grey and brown, just like a shit on the sidewalk. Right now, WGT gave some thrills to the ones with weak hearts, and since it had the mighty Blizzard behind it, pushing it forward (or even throbbing forward, working on WGT from behind), some thought that it couldn’t have been a hacker. Well, you have to be pretty moronic to devise an evil plan like that: hacking a non-profit site that promotes a video game. Anyways, it seems that it was just a system problem; the bad thing is that the people around WGT will have to postpone the “tar and feather the mofo” plans, since there is no hacker to be blamed. But you can always frame some nerd and have your sweet revenge.
KeSPA rankings August 2007
mym
Hey kids, what time is it? That’s right, it’s “Take a look at the Korean rankings” time! And guess who’s first? It’s sAviOr! Again. Bisu is second. Again. And then we have GGplay: descendant from the locust species, the jumped 10 spots and he’s now 7th. What about the Mantoss? Same thing: this dude’s hoppin’ like a god damn cangaroo; just look at him this month: 9 spots gained. On the other hand, GoRush (-10) and XellOs (-9) can advertise for those lame weight-losing machines: “Thanks to this new product (read “piece of shit”), I am now -10! Not available in stores!”
5th Excello StarCraft Cup
mym
Hey Bartar, how are you, baby? It’s been a while… but enough about this. Get ready to rrrrrrrrumble! I’m actually wondering if Bartar is working in a cubicle and hates his job… OK, really enough about this. The 5th edition of the qualification tourney for the Excello StarCraft Cup is now open so what are you waiting for? Oh really? Sorry to hear that… well good luck with your mother-in-law!
ICCup re-releases anti-hack
mym
ICCup announced that they have just released the anti-hack feature! ICCup announced that they have just taken away the anti-hack feature! ICCup announced that they have just re-released the anti-hack feature! Boy, they are sure changing like the weather… anyway, I advise you to play as much as you can, because nobody knows how long this will last. Then it hit me: they’re like drug dealers: they give you a taste, then you are sure to contact them in stead of them searching for you…
BlizzCon schedule and panels
mym
Blizzard just posted the schedule for the BlizzCon (something like the Ozzfest, except there are no bat-head-biting and blood-drinking contests… Ozzy, you rule!) in order to try and organize the massive nerd-waves predicted by the local forecasters. Besides that, the Blizzdudes also set-up some panels for the masses. You can see the StarCraft panels, the WoW panels, the StarCraft II panels and the other panels. However, I haven’t noticed the Free Ice cream panels, the Potato panels and the Braces and Inhalers panels. Too bad, Blizzcon could have actually been nice.
Blackman interview on GGnet
mym
After yours truly did an interview with Blackman some time ago, I can shamelessly give credit to myself for this because life isn’t fair. Anyways, GGnet also got Blackman for an interview. Just as Mr. T said it before, I pity the fool that doesn’t know who Blackman is.
BlizzCon day 2
mym
“Dear diary, I have been invited to Blizzard RTS Summit (wow, it sounds soooo official, how about that, Condoleezza?)”. Anyways, this was the big chances for site members like MYM, GGnet, TLnet and some more to suck up to Blizzard and make them spit out some more details about StarCraft II. MYM exchanged some pleasantries with Karune (The1Crow gave Karune a T-shirt, Karune probably gave The1Crow his ass for the night) and it probably happened like this to all the crew members that got invited.
Blizzcon interview with Testie
mym
Testie was caught in a corner so he couldn’t escape what was planned for him: an interviewer with dark (or maybe just perverted) intentions. Testie eventually gave in, because he was promised a reward: after the interview, he went with The1Crow in a dark basement and ^%^$#&%*^#@$&#$&. The comment was censored due to explicit language.
Inside Blizzcon
blizz
Let the Blizzfest begin! Armed with fantastic games, the Blizzard dudes pwned the crowd so E-Z! Those poor bastards never stood a chance. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of good games and stuff, the participants swore: “In Blizzard we trust!”
Blizzcon gallery
What can be better than a gallery? Don’t answer that. Gather up and take a look at them beauties! However, those aren’t all the pictures taken. Some players got drunk, or high, or drunk-high and after that they proceeded to do… well, what do drunk and high people do, thinking that since life is short and death is taller than life, they should have some fun. Watching the uncensored pictures revealed that sAviOr has a shoe fetish, Nal_rA likes limbo, IriS has leopard thongs, YellOw just gambled (and lost) his sister and his dog that has a skin condition.
Blizzcon SCII impressions
mym
So basically this is an ode to StarCraft II: into your hands I give the future. The thing is that nobody said anything bad about it and it’s like the communist elections: the guys wins with 99.98% of the votes which is pretty much outrageous. I know Bush would love that but it’s just not right; StarCraft II will rule if we consider all opinions and something must be done.
Blizzcon progamers about SC II
mym
Pro-gamers, these mad scientists of StarCraft, got the chance to play some SC II. Their opinions? Let’s see what Nal_rA had to say about this new Blizzard game:
Rep: Hello Nal_rA, glad to see you here. After examining the intricacies of StarCraft II, what can you tell us about the micro/macro ratio, as well as the sequential tech tree available to the Protoss race compared to the counter-attacking possibilities provided to the foes in the main game phases?
Nal_rA: I don… don’t English…
Rep: Thank you very much. Back to you, vhallee!
Blizzcon sAviOr vs Moon @SCII
mymmym
Killing spree! Dominating! Rampage! Unstoppable! Wicked sick! Mmmmm-monster kill! Godlike! Moon basically bashed sAviOr’s skull as often as he got the chance to do it. Poor sAviOr was now left naked outside in the rain to die just like in the Hemingway epics. If only sAviOr bought some army pants to try to disguise himself and maybe avoid the upcoming rape…
First SCII tournament
mym
StarCraft II is not even finished but that did not stop them to organize a tournament. The organizers said “This is madness!” and you probably know what happened after that to them. Anyways, the dudes from MYM, GGnet, TLnet, BWde SCL and more engaged into this first time ever SC II tourney. Manifesto and Meat owned the hell out of the others, so basically these guys are the best StarCraft II players in the world. Well all of them are kinda like the best 12 (or however they were) players in the world. As Manifesto is now king of the StarCraft II scene, e-Bay and Amazon recorded massive sales in the “Altar items” category, as well as close-up pictures with him.
Bonus
That goes for all you kitty lovers out there. I didn't know that these cats are called Kitlers.
On a sidenote, do you know how you can divide a fart in 5? Well it's pretty simple: fart in a glove
Sorry for the disgusting delay but I can explain... hmm... I can't... Anyways, I hope my work pleased the masses once again. Yours truly, vhallee.
Warning: the red pill will cause brain damage and penis shrinkage.
Pro-gamer match-up statistics
tl
With the Team Liquid Pro-gaming Database, every n00bZoR is having opinions about Stork’s inability to completely master PvP when it comes to late game pressing and countering the cheese factor. In translation, Stork lost to Bisu in maps like Monty Hall because he did some stupid mistakes in the long run. And what’s the cause you ask? Well, this TL database makes it easy for any part-time tailor with middle-school studies to become South Korean StarCraft analyst.
Skew talks about BlizzCon
b
Skew, the famous Skew, ladies and gentlemen, got interviewed by GosuGamers. In that interview, he expressed the need to win BlizzCon in order to continue with the next steps into becoming T3h Pwn3Rer. After this win, he will candidate for the US presidency, stop the third-world countries’ poverty issues, adopt 2 or 3 Nigerian babies and make a country music CD. I’m sorry, who is Skew again? What? A StarCraft player?
MYM KOTH: Blackman vs Gohan
mym
MYM doesn’t give up and sets another KOTH edition. Blackman owned last edition and it was time to meet a Polski dude called Gohan – you know him, he and Fabian like to group-rape. But anyway, let there be light, camera and action! And there were light, camera and action… Tau Cross, Arcadia and Ride of Valkyries meant Gohan pwnage, while Blackman was king on Longinus and Lost Temple. But since 2 is smaller than 3 (for net nerds that’s 3 pawned 2’s head or 3>2), Blackman had to settle for nothing now, while the Royal Toilet Seat (I wrote it in capitals cause I can) went to Gohan. Is it me or this KOTH is the Polish playground?
WGTour down?
mym
Remember when PGT went down? People were miserable, chaos was the law, it was all grey and brown, just like a shit on the sidewalk. Right now, WGT gave some thrills to the ones with weak hearts, and since it had the mighty Blizzard behind it, pushing it forward (or even throbbing forward, working on WGT from behind), some thought that it couldn’t have been a hacker. Well, you have to be pretty moronic to devise an evil plan like that: hacking a non-profit site that promotes a video game. Anyways, it seems that it was just a system problem; the bad thing is that the people around WGT will have to postpone the “tar and feather the mofo” plans, since there is no hacker to be blamed. But you can always frame some nerd and have your sweet revenge.
KeSPA rankings August 2007
mym
Hey kids, what time is it? That’s right, it’s “Take a look at the Korean rankings” time! And guess who’s first? It’s sAviOr! Again. Bisu is second. Again. And then we have GGplay: descendant from the locust species, the jumped 10 spots and he’s now 7th. What about the Mantoss? Same thing: this dude’s hoppin’ like a god damn cangaroo; just look at him this month: 9 spots gained. On the other hand, GoRush (-10) and XellOs (-9) can advertise for those lame weight-losing machines: “Thanks to this new product (read “piece of shit”), I am now -10! Not available in stores!”
5th Excello StarCraft Cup
mym
Hey Bartar, how are you, baby? It’s been a while… but enough about this. Get ready to rrrrrrrrumble! I’m actually wondering if Bartar is working in a cubicle and hates his job… OK, really enough about this. The 5th edition of the qualification tourney for the Excello StarCraft Cup is now open so what are you waiting for? Oh really? Sorry to hear that… well good luck with your mother-in-law!
ICCup re-releases anti-hack
mym
ICCup announced that they have just released the anti-hack feature! ICCup announced that they have just taken away the anti-hack feature! ICCup announced that they have just re-released the anti-hack feature! Boy, they are sure changing like the weather… anyway, I advise you to play as much as you can, because nobody knows how long this will last. Then it hit me: they’re like drug dealers: they give you a taste, then you are sure to contact them in stead of them searching for you…
BlizzCon schedule and panels
mym
Blizzard just posted the schedule for the BlizzCon (something like the Ozzfest, except there are no bat-head-biting and blood-drinking contests… Ozzy, you rule!) in order to try and organize the massive nerd-waves predicted by the local forecasters. Besides that, the Blizzdudes also set-up some panels for the masses. You can see the StarCraft panels, the WoW panels, the StarCraft II panels and the other panels. However, I haven’t noticed the Free Ice cream panels, the Potato panels and the Braces and Inhalers panels. Too bad, Blizzcon could have actually been nice.
Blackman interview on GGnet
mym
After yours truly did an interview with Blackman some time ago, I can shamelessly give credit to myself for this because life isn’t fair. Anyways, GGnet also got Blackman for an interview. Just as Mr. T said it before, I pity the fool that doesn’t know who Blackman is.
BlizzCon day 2
mym
“Dear diary, I have been invited to Blizzard RTS Summit (wow, it sounds soooo official, how about that, Condoleezza?)”. Anyways, this was the big chances for site members like MYM, GGnet, TLnet and some more to suck up to Blizzard and make them spit out some more details about StarCraft II. MYM exchanged some pleasantries with Karune (The1Crow gave Karune a T-shirt, Karune probably gave The1Crow his ass for the night) and it probably happened like this to all the crew members that got invited.
Blizzcon interview with Testie
mym
Testie was caught in a corner so he couldn’t escape what was planned for him: an interviewer with dark (or maybe just perverted) intentions. Testie eventually gave in, because he was promised a reward: after the interview, he went with The1Crow in a dark basement and ^%^$#&%*^#@$&#$&. The comment was censored due to explicit language.
Inside Blizzcon
blizz
Let the Blizzfest begin! Armed with fantastic games, the Blizzard dudes pwned the crowd so E-Z! Those poor bastards never stood a chance. Overwhelmed by the sheer amount of good games and stuff, the participants swore: “In Blizzard we trust!”
Blizzcon gallery
What can be better than a gallery? Don’t answer that. Gather up and take a look at them beauties! However, those aren’t all the pictures taken. Some players got drunk, or high, or drunk-high and after that they proceeded to do… well, what do drunk and high people do, thinking that since life is short and death is taller than life, they should have some fun. Watching the uncensored pictures revealed that sAviOr has a shoe fetish, Nal_rA likes limbo, IriS has leopard thongs, YellOw just gambled (and lost) his sister and his dog that has a skin condition.
Blizzcon SCII impressions
mym
So basically this is an ode to StarCraft II: into your hands I give the future. The thing is that nobody said anything bad about it and it’s like the communist elections: the guys wins with 99.98% of the votes which is pretty much outrageous. I know Bush would love that but it’s just not right; StarCraft II will rule if we consider all opinions and something must be done.
Blizzcon progamers about SC II
mym
Pro-gamers, these mad scientists of StarCraft, got the chance to play some SC II. Their opinions? Let’s see what Nal_rA had to say about this new Blizzard game:
Rep: Hello Nal_rA, glad to see you here. After examining the intricacies of StarCraft II, what can you tell us about the micro/macro ratio, as well as the sequential tech tree available to the Protoss race compared to the counter-attacking possibilities provided to the foes in the main game phases?
Nal_rA: I don… don’t English…
Rep: Thank you very much. Back to you, vhallee!
Blizzcon sAviOr vs Moon @SCII
mymmym
Killing spree! Dominating! Rampage! Unstoppable! Wicked sick! Mmmmm-monster kill! Godlike! Moon basically bashed sAviOr’s skull as often as he got the chance to do it. Poor sAviOr was now left naked outside in the rain to die just like in the Hemingway epics. If only sAviOr bought some army pants to try to disguise himself and maybe avoid the upcoming rape…
First SCII tournament
mym
StarCraft II is not even finished but that did not stop them to organize a tournament. The organizers said “This is madness!” and you probably know what happened after that to them. Anyways, the dudes from MYM, GGnet, TLnet, BWde SCL and more engaged into this first time ever SC II tourney. Manifesto and Meat owned the hell out of the others, so basically these guys are the best StarCraft II players in the world. Well all of them are kinda like the best 12 (or however they were) players in the world. As Manifesto is now king of the StarCraft II scene, e-Bay and Amazon recorded massive sales in the “Altar items” category, as well as close-up pictures with him.
Bonus
That goes for all you kitty lovers out there. I didn't know that these cats are called Kitlers.
On a sidenote, do you know how you can divide a fart in 5? Well it's pretty simple: fart in a glove
Sorry for the disgusting delay but I can explain... hmm... I can't... Anyways, I hope my work pleased the masses once again. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.meetyourmakers.com/en/article/460.html - column #22
+ Show Spoiler +
It’s been a while, huh? Well, you basically missed two weeks of this column. I had a bit of a vacation, but you haven’t seen the last of me. Read it and weep!
BWCL season 26 over
bwcl
The 26th season of the BWCL is over, with DkH coming in first place, xLo second and LighT third. The actual match was between Excello “Collect ‘em all” Bartar and DkH “I like pie… in your face” Max. It was sublime to see the two of them go at it like they were arguing over an overpriced souvenir in a Turkish bazaar.
StarCraft TV archive
sc
There hasn’t been discovered a cure for StarCraftVODmania, but a cure for it is currently in progress. Some people are working hard to bring a bit of light in the hearts of the poor bastards that are addicted to it.
StarCraft patch 1.15.1 is out
bnet
Blizzard just released the 634514893405823.928(6)th patch of a game you might know. Known improvements:
- incompatible with other patches both in Battle.net and in LAN, not to mention if you even think of watching a replay;
- disables you BWLauncher or ICCupLauncher since it is basically from the past version;
- puts your mind into motion: you have to think again how you installed and cracked it, where to find a loader and how to get a new hack, since 1.15 hacks are also incompatible.
WCG Korea SC winners
wcg
Well, it’s about time Korean players win something in StarCraft. First of all, they won the Korean WCG, which is a good starting point (anyone knows about the WCG Africa playoffs?). Hwasin, sAviOr and Stork will represent the “I-have-a-nuke-and-guess-what-I’m-gonna-do-with-it” neighbor country, going to Seattle this October. They already started preparations, learning English (“She sells sea shells on the sea shore”/ ”The rain in Spain is mainly on the plains”/ “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”), studying their opponents and checking to see what kind of condoms to use in the games against them (Be gentle, sAviOr!) and observing the American customs: Hwasin went to visit a balloon-animal making camp from Nebraska, sAviOr visited several police stations from Ohio, getting used to donuts and coffee, then roaming the streets until 5am cause of the excessive use, and Stork participated at several Vets-without-frontiers seminars: “A vet and a lawyer for your pet – Lawvet”.
SC2 at General Convention
sc2
The Game Convention in Leipzig, Germany could have been a nice reunion for Scrabble and Solitaire lover, if it weren’t for Blizzard and its mind-enslaving new game, StarCraft II. Following them, there were thousands of thirsty fans, having one thing on their mind: must play StarCraft, must crush everything that comes between me and the game. Ok, two things… There were no survivors.
Hybrids in SC2?
The StarCraft: Brood War campaign left you thinking: “God damn, I wanna see those Hybrid thingies!” but StarCraft 2 is a 3-race private club, in which Xel’Naga and Hybrid race are trying to get in but they don’t have the VIP pass.
SC: Project Revolution update
sc
Project Revolution used to give wet dreams to gamers, at least before StarCraft II got officially announced. This makes it a time race, cause it would be pretty embarrassing to have Project Revolution after StarCraft II is out: nobody will remember your name, even if you bothered years and years to make WarCraft III go the right way.
StarCraft II: Banshee
sc2
Kids, say hello to Banshee! Banshee – kids, kids – Banshee. This bomber, although it looks disturbingly much like the Fighters from CnC, is going to be a Terran flyer that can cloak like the Wraith. And it has a propeller! They can’t see you, but I thought SCI-FI has gone past noisy invisible aircrafts.
SC2 Q&A Batch 10
sc2
The 10th round between noobs and Blizzard has ended: more highly interesting (not recommended to cardiac diseases-related patients). When asked about the Predator’s “Intercept” ability, Blizzard’s representatives should have added some inside info that I came up: it appears these Predators are highly trained Red Sox and Indians hardcore fans, who still think they get to catch balls. Memorial services are not needed in this case.
Civil War: Idra vs iNcontroL
tl
TeamLiquid has gone from Liquibition to Civil War and that makes me sad because I am unable to comprehend. This civil war thing is supposed to be some sort of way to solve the “I have a bone to pick with you” issue, using StarCraft. Even though this sounds like broken bones, missing teeth and less blood in one’s body, it’s not quite like this: the winner will have to do with organs, meaning that $50 will be donated in their name to the American Cancer Society. Imagine the discussions patients will have after: “That dude that got me some treatment money had some uber-macro, man! I was like wtf pwnage!” *cough-cough*
StarCraft: Ghost not dead
sc
Remember StarCraft: Ghost? It’s another StarCraft-based project, just like WarCraft III mode “Project Revolution”, StarCraft II or StarCraft – the board game. Hmm, the board game is disturbing. So anyways, Blizzard is releasing rumors according to which StarCraft: Ghost is not dead. It’s not dead, but it’s in a deep coma and the room is full of patients, with more waiting outside. And guess who will get its plug pulled.
BONUS:
Writing backwards has never been easier.
BONUS2:
After this, I'm not sure if Chuck Norris is THAT good anymore.
Next week will probably feature the VanDamme’s 80s movies analysis. Or probably not. But until then, let’s wait about 8 days. Yours truly, vhallee.
BWCL season 26 over
bwcl
The 26th season of the BWCL is over, with DkH coming in first place, xLo second and LighT third. The actual match was between Excello “Collect ‘em all” Bartar and DkH “I like pie… in your face” Max. It was sublime to see the two of them go at it like they were arguing over an overpriced souvenir in a Turkish bazaar.
StarCraft TV archive
sc
There hasn’t been discovered a cure for StarCraftVODmania, but a cure for it is currently in progress. Some people are working hard to bring a bit of light in the hearts of the poor bastards that are addicted to it.
StarCraft patch 1.15.1 is out
bnet
Blizzard just released the 634514893405823.928(6)th patch of a game you might know. Known improvements:
- incompatible with other patches both in Battle.net and in LAN, not to mention if you even think of watching a replay;
- disables you BWLauncher or ICCupLauncher since it is basically from the past version;
- puts your mind into motion: you have to think again how you installed and cracked it, where to find a loader and how to get a new hack, since 1.15 hacks are also incompatible.
WCG Korea SC winners
wcg
Well, it’s about time Korean players win something in StarCraft. First of all, they won the Korean WCG, which is a good starting point (anyone knows about the WCG Africa playoffs?). Hwasin, sAviOr and Stork will represent the “I-have-a-nuke-and-guess-what-I’m-gonna-do-with-it” neighbor country, going to Seattle this October. They already started preparations, learning English (“She sells sea shells on the sea shore”/ ”The rain in Spain is mainly on the plains”/ “I did not have sexual relations with that woman”), studying their opponents and checking to see what kind of condoms to use in the games against them (Be gentle, sAviOr!) and observing the American customs: Hwasin went to visit a balloon-animal making camp from Nebraska, sAviOr visited several police stations from Ohio, getting used to donuts and coffee, then roaming the streets until 5am cause of the excessive use, and Stork participated at several Vets-without-frontiers seminars: “A vet and a lawyer for your pet – Lawvet”.
SC2 at General Convention
sc2
The Game Convention in Leipzig, Germany could have been a nice reunion for Scrabble and Solitaire lover, if it weren’t for Blizzard and its mind-enslaving new game, StarCraft II. Following them, there were thousands of thirsty fans, having one thing on their mind: must play StarCraft, must crush everything that comes between me and the game. Ok, two things… There were no survivors.
Hybrids in SC2?
The StarCraft: Brood War campaign left you thinking: “God damn, I wanna see those Hybrid thingies!” but StarCraft 2 is a 3-race private club, in which Xel’Naga and Hybrid race are trying to get in but they don’t have the VIP pass.
SC: Project Revolution update
sc
Project Revolution used to give wet dreams to gamers, at least before StarCraft II got officially announced. This makes it a time race, cause it would be pretty embarrassing to have Project Revolution after StarCraft II is out: nobody will remember your name, even if you bothered years and years to make WarCraft III go the right way.
StarCraft II: Banshee
sc2
Kids, say hello to Banshee! Banshee – kids, kids – Banshee. This bomber, although it looks disturbingly much like the Fighters from CnC, is going to be a Terran flyer that can cloak like the Wraith. And it has a propeller! They can’t see you, but I thought SCI-FI has gone past noisy invisible aircrafts.
SC2 Q&A Batch 10
sc2
The 10th round between noobs and Blizzard has ended: more highly interesting (not recommended to cardiac diseases-related patients). When asked about the Predator’s “Intercept” ability, Blizzard’s representatives should have added some inside info that I came up: it appears these Predators are highly trained Red Sox and Indians hardcore fans, who still think they get to catch balls. Memorial services are not needed in this case.
Civil War: Idra vs iNcontroL
tl
TeamLiquid has gone from Liquibition to Civil War and that makes me sad because I am unable to comprehend. This civil war thing is supposed to be some sort of way to solve the “I have a bone to pick with you” issue, using StarCraft. Even though this sounds like broken bones, missing teeth and less blood in one’s body, it’s not quite like this: the winner will have to do with organs, meaning that $50 will be donated in their name to the American Cancer Society. Imagine the discussions patients will have after: “That dude that got me some treatment money had some uber-macro, man! I was like wtf pwnage!” *cough-cough*
StarCraft: Ghost not dead
sc
Remember StarCraft: Ghost? It’s another StarCraft-based project, just like WarCraft III mode “Project Revolution”, StarCraft II or StarCraft – the board game. Hmm, the board game is disturbing. So anyways, Blizzard is releasing rumors according to which StarCraft: Ghost is not dead. It’s not dead, but it’s in a deep coma and the room is full of patients, with more waiting outside. And guess who will get its plug pulled.
BONUS:
Writing backwards has never been easier.
BONUS2:
After this, I'm not sure if Chuck Norris is THAT good anymore.
Next week will probably feature the VanDamme’s 80s movies analysis. Or probably not. But until then, let’s wait about 8 days. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/479.html - column #23
+ Show Spoiler +
iCCup Tournament Season 1 Finals
iccup
So iCCup decided it wouldn’t be bad to give some money to the ladder addicts and so they set up a small tourney in which the level 70 players would compete for $100, $60 and $40; $40 is of course for the first place. The Korean that got to the semi-finals suddenly disappeared, leaving IefNaij’s road to victory clear. His body was later recovered in a pond in Hampton.
WCG 2007 Schedule
wcg
WCG in Seattle is a real adventure. Not because the US government likes to give VISAs to whomever they want to based upon their mood that day. Oh wait, because of this, sorry, my bad. I’m sure F91, Notforu or ChingizKhan didn’t really want to go or probably they failed at the Olympian VISA games.
MIStrZZZ legendary interview
mistrzzz
The sheer beauty of finding something hidden makes that specific something a lot cooler than it actually is. If MIStrZZZ said some people are noobs and stuff, then the interview is banned, just like he got his ass banned, if you remember. So some people start digging for it and they found it. But you know it’s just not as explicit as one could have thought: we don’t learn about his sexual preferences, if he ever hosted Jews, or if he likes to bet against Tiger Woods. That would boost up your audience and make it a legendary interview.
WGTCL Final LRM>3D
wgtcl
LRM met 3D in the WGTCL finals, but that wasn’t basically a final, it was more like a company picnic, where the boss rapes you even when he’s sitting on the blanket next to his wife. Poor Russians, they never stood a chance. The LRM leader, Nuno, said that he is happy that his team won. So lemme get this straight: he would be sad if his team would have lost?
ArenaTv showmatch: Squall vs Strelok
atv
Romanians raised money continuously for 6months to have a broadcasting station but they finally did it. Squall and Strelok agreed (I know, I’m already assuming they had a choice) to play a best of 7 (seven what? Dwarves?). Squall started it off quite nice, with 3-1, after which he probably felt the need to visit his sick grandma from Villarreal and start a part time job right then. Strelok was a beast for the next 4 games.
sc
StarCraft Archive: An Anthology
These StarCraft books are like an investment: you will sleep your kids/nephews with it (if it’s hard/heavy enough, you can even knock them out with a precise hit) and when you’ll be “an old fart”, your kids will put you to sleep after reading you some passages while not forgetting to remind you: “wow, grandpa, you sure pwned those n00bz back in the days!”
QCup round 10 results
q
Round 10 of QCup had some people and Strelok, because I can’t say it any other way. He was simply the best, better than all the rest, betther than anyone, anyone I’ve ever met… Strelok apparently used some Ukrainian potion (40% alc. Vol.) after which he threw a couple of Ukrainian curses, adding 100% to all stats. There were no survivors.
White-Ra the movie
ra
Damn that was a blockbuster. There is nothing more beautiful than some Ukrainian pwnage by the sunset. It’s just… poetry in motion! I need to grab a tissue.
Interview with iNcontroL
inc
iNcontroL, the player that can physically own you if you are stupid enough to get him angry, just won the WCG USA and he was interviewed. The reporters were said to be specially trained ones, with Kevlar and helmets, just in case iNcontroL would not like a question.
Korean progamers funny pics
Read it and weep.
Battlecruiser @SC2.com
bc
[Russian accent] Good day. Here we are having Battlecruiser here. Battlecruiser big ship, big damage doing, puny units down die fast. The ship is being big and strong, it is having big steel. Harasho! No zaiet pogodi![/Russian accent]
SC2 Q&A Batch 15
sc2
Good questions, like always. Here’s a jewel: “In StarCraft 1, when you cancel a nuclear launch that is in progress, you lose the warhead. Will StarCraft II make any changes to this setback?” Lemme guess: the warhead will be deactivated and it will fall down somewhere in some corn field, where a nomadic tribe of gypsies will find it and sell it back to you as usual as a brand-new boiler, twice as expensive and eventually steal your watch while you shake hands to seal the deal.
BONUS 1:
Kitty was cleaner, but it wasn’t happier.
BONUS 2:
Ok, so you’re fighting the Taliban, right? And you’re bombarding them day and night because papa Bush says it’s the right thing to do. But Mother Nature is a Bi*ch!
Thanks for hanging on so long for me to return, but I had some fun in the hospital and I loved it so much that I couldn't just leave it right away. But the important thing is that I'm still (somewhat) alive. See ya next week! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/489.html - column #24
+ Show Spoiler +
Hey boys and girls, this is vhallee typing! Since WCG is an event that brings joy to us all (I love it when dudes that have no idea about StarCraft are in the main position and arrange stuff just like they feel!), this column will focus on the happenings@Seattle. Take a deep breath because here we go!
WCG kicks off!
wcg
So this year (2007 in case you just landed and there are no newspaper stores nearby) WCG took place in Seattle, USA. Lucky foreigners (the ones that managed to get past the “VISA pit” – a competition inspired from the Roman Gladiator pits filled with lions) had the unique chance to taste hamburgers, cheeseburgers, tomaturgers, cucumgers, oniongers, bacongers, fatburgers and such delights that only there can be found. The non-Korean players quickly settled for a game of poker (a well-known mutation that good StarCraft players suffer from when exposed), while the Korean ones went to train an extra 26hours/day and then cry in the pillows and burn their clothes. It is a known fact that Korean players are that good because they feed on rice and small mammals.
3D.Notforu fails to get VISA
notforu
The winner of the Russian WCG (did you know that in Russia, people’s weight is measured in liters? Vodka harasho!) called Notforu, managed to stay home, after numerous attempts by the American embassy and all connected organisms to get him to Seattle. Notforu strongly opposed until the Americans backed off. On their way back to the US, they found a naïve boy that calls himself Androide (I’m curious about his diet, really) whom they bribed with a red balloon and Happy Meal to join them. He could not resist.
F91 fails to get VISA
f91
F91 is always the subject of wife-related jokes among his StarCraft circle of friends. He had to do something about this so his only hope was to leave China. (that and the fact that it’s getting kinda crowded there. That is many people yes?). His wife did not know this, naturally. F91 took the garbage out just to pass the laser surveillance camera from the front door and told his wife he was gonna simply take out the trash; however, his intentions were evil: he wanted to go to the Chinese qualifiers, get an eligible spot for Seattle, win WCG and get back before his wife would wake up. Buddha punished him.
ChingizKhan fails to get VISA
ck
I’m beginning to like this title. The WCG Uzbekistan winner, ChingizKhan, said “NO” to WCG Seattle. He was a man of great honor, we will all miss him. And he was a part of the Group H, along with sAviOr, Testie, Mondragon and Reason. Those US embassy employees eat babies 3 times a day.
The Stork controversy
stork
Damn, I love Stork now! He looks like a nice geeky/nerdy guy that everyone might spit bits of chewed paper, but he has a great power given by the Dark Lord himself. Stork had an evil master plan that would make him rule the world! Cyber games. He lost, apparently on purpose, to White-Ra, cause let’s get real: a non-Korean beating the best Korean player? Twice? He is an evil dork-looking man. Be afraid!
Pj defeats sAviOr and goes to the Grand Final
pj
We were all like “sAviOr’s got this”, until that family-man-looking Chinese player (with a hat that seemed to have been recovered from a vent) proved us wrong. Ah, the agony! My cat stopped eating and I had it castrated, but I was wrong. It watched the replays (because unimportant games such as this one are not worthy to be broadcasted by the mighty WCG) and suddenly felt sick: “I’m sick of this world! *hairball cough*”
White-Ra interview
white-ra
I strongly recommend you to watch this one. It’s a charcoal now, but it will be a jewel soon: first because he is the man that “defeated” Strok twice and second because he has a Russian accent. Mainly because of the second, though.
Stork wins WCG 2007
stork
Stork aka Dark-Lord-of-Terror-housebroken-by-Samsung is the wiener…oh, lemme get that… ok, winner! After brutally raping Pj so bad that he was taken to the hotel room with helpers (since his brain was damaged at the “walking” section after two rounds with the Korean) and he is being fed with soup with some Chinese sticks (Chinese people use sticks for food, remember?). Stork’s master plan is completed! The World (Cyber Games) is his!
In other news…
KeSPA rankings October 2007
kespa
So what do we have here? It’s Superman, it’s a plane, it’s Birdtoss, flying over Bisu and his other yellow compatriots. sAviOr is illegally satisfied with his #3 spot, and that is disturbing. Jaedong got himself a “BigBoys’ Club” pass, since he’s now ranked 10th. Ah, and not to mention that top 10 is crawling with Terrans…and they call Zerg an infestation. The only fresh meat for this month is Yellow[ArnC]’s twin, Luxury. We have our reporters set, let’s wait for the first day at the team showers, where the soap baptizing will most likely take place.
Blizzard’s Hack Report section is up
blizzard
Blizzard is ruthless when it comes to hackers, people that have no respect for their games and dishonor the other Battle.net fellows. Nobody actually knows what happens with the hackers caught by Blizzard, but through diligent research, I found the torture brochure: they are taken into a deep basement under Blizzard’s HQ, where they are forced to play low-money maps vs. money/maphackers while listening to Celine Dion’s Titanic theme over and over again. Still feel like hacking?
BONUS: Some scientists that couldn’t get any sleep invented the coffee-flavored condoms. I salute them for this discovery, because it is extremely useful in my opinion. Imagine people that can’t live without coffee, not even while in bed. And the best part is that you won’t have coffee stains to worry about.
BONUS 2: I remember a nice situation in a crowded bus: one seat was free and two senior citizens (let’s not call them old hags) saw the spot. They were equally close to the seat and they both knew that. So they both start making their way through the crowd, hoping that they will be the one to sit. One of them gets stopped, however, due to the large amount of people in front of him (kinda like airplane turbulences) and suddenly gets free. In order to get the seat, he gets a great idea: he takes his hat off and tosses it towards the seat, therefore sealing the other one’s fate. The opponent shamefully retreated and the one with the hat (we may call him “Eagle Eye”) got his well-deserved seat. He got down at the next stop. I found that the In Flames discography gets you a seat in case the bus is full of senior citizens.
BONUS 3: Did you know that the Medieval Age people did not have perfect teeth, like the American movies taught us?
This is vhallee and you just read this week's column. Tune in next week for more hot retrospective StarCraft action. Yours truly, vhallee.
WCG kicks off!
wcg
So this year (2007 in case you just landed and there are no newspaper stores nearby) WCG took place in Seattle, USA. Lucky foreigners (the ones that managed to get past the “VISA pit” – a competition inspired from the Roman Gladiator pits filled with lions) had the unique chance to taste hamburgers, cheeseburgers, tomaturgers, cucumgers, oniongers, bacongers, fatburgers and such delights that only there can be found. The non-Korean players quickly settled for a game of poker (a well-known mutation that good StarCraft players suffer from when exposed), while the Korean ones went to train an extra 26hours/day and then cry in the pillows and burn their clothes. It is a known fact that Korean players are that good because they feed on rice and small mammals.
3D.Notforu fails to get VISA
notforu
The winner of the Russian WCG (did you know that in Russia, people’s weight is measured in liters? Vodka harasho!) called Notforu, managed to stay home, after numerous attempts by the American embassy and all connected organisms to get him to Seattle. Notforu strongly opposed until the Americans backed off. On their way back to the US, they found a naïve boy that calls himself Androide (I’m curious about his diet, really) whom they bribed with a red balloon and Happy Meal to join them. He could not resist.
F91 fails to get VISA
f91
F91 is always the subject of wife-related jokes among his StarCraft circle of friends. He had to do something about this so his only hope was to leave China. (that and the fact that it’s getting kinda crowded there. That is many people yes?). His wife did not know this, naturally. F91 took the garbage out just to pass the laser surveillance camera from the front door and told his wife he was gonna simply take out the trash; however, his intentions were evil: he wanted to go to the Chinese qualifiers, get an eligible spot for Seattle, win WCG and get back before his wife would wake up. Buddha punished him.
ChingizKhan fails to get VISA
ck
I’m beginning to like this title. The WCG Uzbekistan winner, ChingizKhan, said “NO” to WCG Seattle. He was a man of great honor, we will all miss him. And he was a part of the Group H, along with sAviOr, Testie, Mondragon and Reason. Those US embassy employees eat babies 3 times a day.
The Stork controversy
stork
Damn, I love Stork now! He looks like a nice geeky/nerdy guy that everyone might spit bits of chewed paper, but he has a great power given by the Dark Lord himself. Stork had an evil master plan that would make him rule the world! Cyber games. He lost, apparently on purpose, to White-Ra, cause let’s get real: a non-Korean beating the best Korean player? Twice? He is an evil dork-looking man. Be afraid!
Pj defeats sAviOr and goes to the Grand Final
pj
We were all like “sAviOr’s got this”, until that family-man-looking Chinese player (with a hat that seemed to have been recovered from a vent) proved us wrong. Ah, the agony! My cat stopped eating and I had it castrated, but I was wrong. It watched the replays (because unimportant games such as this one are not worthy to be broadcasted by the mighty WCG) and suddenly felt sick: “I’m sick of this world! *hairball cough*”
White-Ra interview
white-ra
I strongly recommend you to watch this one. It’s a charcoal now, but it will be a jewel soon: first because he is the man that “defeated” Strok twice and second because he has a Russian accent. Mainly because of the second, though.
Stork wins WCG 2007
stork
Stork aka Dark-Lord-of-Terror-housebroken-by-Samsung is the wiener…oh, lemme get that… ok, winner! After brutally raping Pj so bad that he was taken to the hotel room with helpers (since his brain was damaged at the “walking” section after two rounds with the Korean) and he is being fed with soup with some Chinese sticks (Chinese people use sticks for food, remember?). Stork’s master plan is completed! The World (Cyber Games) is his!
In other news…
KeSPA rankings October 2007
kespa
So what do we have here? It’s Superman, it’s a plane, it’s Birdtoss, flying over Bisu and his other yellow compatriots. sAviOr is illegally satisfied with his #3 spot, and that is disturbing. Jaedong got himself a “BigBoys’ Club” pass, since he’s now ranked 10th. Ah, and not to mention that top 10 is crawling with Terrans…and they call Zerg an infestation. The only fresh meat for this month is Yellow[ArnC]’s twin, Luxury. We have our reporters set, let’s wait for the first day at the team showers, where the soap baptizing will most likely take place.
Blizzard’s Hack Report section is up
blizzard
Blizzard is ruthless when it comes to hackers, people that have no respect for their games and dishonor the other Battle.net fellows. Nobody actually knows what happens with the hackers caught by Blizzard, but through diligent research, I found the torture brochure: they are taken into a deep basement under Blizzard’s HQ, where they are forced to play low-money maps vs. money/maphackers while listening to Celine Dion’s Titanic theme over and over again. Still feel like hacking?
BONUS: Some scientists that couldn’t get any sleep invented the coffee-flavored condoms. I salute them for this discovery, because it is extremely useful in my opinion. Imagine people that can’t live without coffee, not even while in bed. And the best part is that you won’t have coffee stains to worry about.
BONUS 2: I remember a nice situation in a crowded bus: one seat was free and two senior citizens (let’s not call them old hags) saw the spot. They were equally close to the seat and they both knew that. So they both start making their way through the crowd, hoping that they will be the one to sit. One of them gets stopped, however, due to the large amount of people in front of him (kinda like airplane turbulences) and suddenly gets free. In order to get the seat, he gets a great idea: he takes his hat off and tosses it towards the seat, therefore sealing the other one’s fate. The opponent shamefully retreated and the one with the hat (we may call him “Eagle Eye”) got his well-deserved seat. He got down at the next stop. I found that the In Flames discography gets you a seat in case the bus is full of senior citizens.
BONUS 3: Did you know that the Medieval Age people did not have perfect teeth, like the American movies taught us?
This is vhallee and you just read this week's column. Tune in next week for more hot retrospective StarCraft action. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/498.html - column #25
+ Show Spoiler +
BWCL - news season starts
bwcl
BWCL, or Brood War Clan Liga, or xLo-vs-DkH-arguing-like-gypsies-at-the-market-for-some-overpriced-potatoes, has just launched season 27. I would also like to take this opportunity and thank Snotty for calling me a “charming Romanian guy”. But I still wonder why he never called back.
WCG VODs
wcg
TV is your enemy! Take 2 of these (VODs) and call me in the morning.
iNcontroL and Mondragon blogs
Sure, they are both good, but why don’t they start with “Dear Diary”? As for iNcontroL, I see he did some nice damage there, and the Ultralisk rushes were most effective against German Zergs. As for Midian, I’m too drunk to say anything.
SC2 Zerg concept video
sc2
The beauty of this one is that it got Blizzard’s attention. Apparently some kid was loose in the Blizz HQ and started doing what every Japanese mid-aged people would do: taking pictures. But this time, this kid went too far, transforming those pictures into a clip. The Blizzard Bruisers came to the door of the boy and the rest is history. Oh and yea, the video’s gone.
Video - “Draco the nerd”
d
Ever wondered how to make fun of better people and ridicule good players? Carmac from GGL gives you the answer: get a microphone and a camera. The nice thing is that Draco’s uber micro managed to avoid being embarrassed in front of the camera.
SCVs lay mines?
scv
Strange things happen at Blizzard. With units coming and going like it’s a train station, SCVs now have that Spider Mine icon. I guess it’s a scavenger hunt or something like that, Blizzard is trying to say something (what is it Lassie? What are you trying to tell us?), but I guess only the guy that did the pictures of the Zerg concepts can answer this one. Right after his teeth grow back.
IEST StarCraft groups published
iest
IEST, probably the best Chinese tournament in the world. I don’t really like that PGL, especially cause Draco lost, but anyway. So we have here a swarm of Chinese players (Chinese people in general are called the Swarm) will meet a handful of non-Chinese players like Blackman, Testie, Draco, etc and basically that’s the whole tournament. Now what would be better? A wife-joke based on F91 or a funny English joke based on White-Ra? What if F91’s wife has funny English?
StarCraft SuperStarS tournament
sc
eSTRO, a band of teenage meat smugglers from South Korea, has set up a new trap… aaa… contest for young (and fresh) North American players, and the lucky winner (with the best thighs) will have a fully paid trip to eSTRO’s HQ where they will get to enjoy some hot training nights.
Interview with ViRii from Blue Report
sc
ViRii from Blue Report was recently interviewed. If you don’t know him, he’s the guy speaking for the American crowd mostly, cause he likes to place it at some inhumane hours for us Europeans. When asked about this hour, he answered: "Well, because... *puts MC Hammer on* " But anyways, he admits he failed as a movie director, so he settled for directing an e-Sports show, probably to mask his frustration, we will never know. On a side note, Barbie dolls are for young girls but also for perverts. I just wanted to clarify that one.
USA KOTH from BWUSA.org
sc
Aside from the banner, which is what you know being “cool”*10, the event is pretty normal. Two Americans, Pumba and Timon will fight to become king of the jungle. Lion King would be proud.
MYM.CrayOn interviewed by GameReplays
CrayOn got caught by some guys that lovesc Korean-student-that-went- to-American-university-and- plays-StarCraft blood. The funny thing is that he was interviewed about StarCraft II, which is basically like asking a plumber what his thoughts are regarding the fact that the international stock markets now have set the oil to $ 84/barrel.
EVER OSL Trailer
sc
We all know that the Korean pro-gamers are considered VIPs, semi-gods, ownage masters, etc and it’s obvious that a trailer would picture them firing lasers, fireballs. I guess that it’s their fault why StarCraft II has so many pew-pew factors. We’re all waiting for the Jetpack upgrade for Ultralisks.
Movie “Polish Players 2007”
Lubie zielone balony i banany a te frytki sa naprawde nie dobre chociaz je bardzo kocham. Przestalem jesc to gowniane jedzenie i mam nadzieje ze nie umre po nim w 6 miesiecy. Oh i ten polski film , kazda jego sekunda jest warta obejrzenia.
Ask your Polish friend about this one.
Mapdori map-pack updated
sc
Unfortunately, no BGH, fastest, Blood Bath updates, but the hope dies last.
BONUS: If Spiderman were to be bitten by a Cross-spider (I have no idea how it is called, but I know there is a spider with a cross on his back), does this mean he would have become a super-priest?
BONUS 2: Why do the waiters dress only in black and white? Is their job really that old?
That's the end of this week's retrospective. I thought a bit and I guess it' would be better if you would voice your opinions about this column: what do you like abd you want to see more, what do you hate and want it gone? Any other ideas? PM me and I'll be sure to take it in consideration; if it's good, it will be here and you will be remembered! See you all later! Yours truly, vhallee.
bwcl
BWCL, or Brood War Clan Liga, or xLo-vs-DkH-arguing-like-gypsies-at-the-market-for-some-overpriced-potatoes, has just launched season 27. I would also like to take this opportunity and thank Snotty for calling me a “charming Romanian guy”. But I still wonder why he never called back.
WCG VODs
wcg
TV is your enemy! Take 2 of these (VODs) and call me in the morning.
iNcontroL and Mondragon blogs
Sure, they are both good, but why don’t they start with “Dear Diary”? As for iNcontroL, I see he did some nice damage there, and the Ultralisk rushes were most effective against German Zergs. As for Midian, I’m too drunk to say anything.
SC2 Zerg concept video
sc2
The beauty of this one is that it got Blizzard’s attention. Apparently some kid was loose in the Blizz HQ and started doing what every Japanese mid-aged people would do: taking pictures. But this time, this kid went too far, transforming those pictures into a clip. The Blizzard Bruisers came to the door of the boy and the rest is history. Oh and yea, the video’s gone.
Video - “Draco the nerd”
d
Ever wondered how to make fun of better people and ridicule good players? Carmac from GGL gives you the answer: get a microphone and a camera. The nice thing is that Draco’s uber micro managed to avoid being embarrassed in front of the camera.
SCVs lay mines?
scv
Strange things happen at Blizzard. With units coming and going like it’s a train station, SCVs now have that Spider Mine icon. I guess it’s a scavenger hunt or something like that, Blizzard is trying to say something (what is it Lassie? What are you trying to tell us?), but I guess only the guy that did the pictures of the Zerg concepts can answer this one. Right after his teeth grow back.
IEST StarCraft groups published
iest
IEST, probably the best Chinese tournament in the world. I don’t really like that PGL, especially cause Draco lost, but anyway. So we have here a swarm of Chinese players (Chinese people in general are called the Swarm) will meet a handful of non-Chinese players like Blackman, Testie, Draco, etc and basically that’s the whole tournament. Now what would be better? A wife-joke based on F91 or a funny English joke based on White-Ra? What if F91’s wife has funny English?
StarCraft SuperStarS tournament
sc
eSTRO, a band of teenage meat smugglers from South Korea, has set up a new trap… aaa… contest for young (and fresh) North American players, and the lucky winner (with the best thighs) will have a fully paid trip to eSTRO’s HQ where they will get to enjoy some hot training nights.
Interview with ViRii from Blue Report
sc
ViRii from Blue Report was recently interviewed. If you don’t know him, he’s the guy speaking for the American crowd mostly, cause he likes to place it at some inhumane hours for us Europeans. When asked about this hour, he answered: "Well, because... *puts MC Hammer on* " But anyways, he admits he failed as a movie director, so he settled for directing an e-Sports show, probably to mask his frustration, we will never know. On a side note, Barbie dolls are for young girls but also for perverts. I just wanted to clarify that one.
USA KOTH from BWUSA.org
sc
Aside from the banner, which is what you know being “cool”*10, the event is pretty normal. Two Americans, Pumba and Timon will fight to become king of the jungle. Lion King would be proud.
MYM.CrayOn interviewed by GameReplays
CrayOn got caught by some guys that lovesc Korean-student-that-went- to-American-university-and- plays-StarCraft blood. The funny thing is that he was interviewed about StarCraft II, which is basically like asking a plumber what his thoughts are regarding the fact that the international stock markets now have set the oil to $ 84/barrel.
EVER OSL Trailer
sc
We all know that the Korean pro-gamers are considered VIPs, semi-gods, ownage masters, etc and it’s obvious that a trailer would picture them firing lasers, fireballs. I guess that it’s their fault why StarCraft II has so many pew-pew factors. We’re all waiting for the Jetpack upgrade for Ultralisks.
Movie “Polish Players 2007”
Lubie zielone balony i banany a te frytki sa naprawde nie dobre chociaz je bardzo kocham. Przestalem jesc to gowniane jedzenie i mam nadzieje ze nie umre po nim w 6 miesiecy. Oh i ten polski film , kazda jego sekunda jest warta obejrzenia.
Ask your Polish friend about this one.
Mapdori map-pack updated
sc
Unfortunately, no BGH, fastest, Blood Bath updates, but the hope dies last.
BONUS: If Spiderman were to be bitten by a Cross-spider (I have no idea how it is called, but I know there is a spider with a cross on his back), does this mean he would have become a super-priest?
BONUS 2: Why do the waiters dress only in black and white? Is their job really that old?
That's the end of this week's retrospective. I thought a bit and I guess it' would be better if you would voice your opinions about this column: what do you like abd you want to see more, what do you hate and want it gone? Any other ideas? PM me and I'll be sure to take it in consideration; if it's good, it will be here and you will be remembered! See you all later! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/505.html - column #26
+ Show Spoiler +
Hello and welcome back. I know it's been a while and I'm a bit late, but sometimes real life is a pain between the buttocks. I pity the fool who doesn't read my column!
Kwanro the rising Zerg
sc
When a new Zerg player rises, it sure is time for some celebrations. When you get a new toaster, you celebrate. When you get past a test without studying a thing, you celebrate. When you watch Titanic from beginning to end, you celebrate. Ladies and gentlemen, Kwanro! …and the crowd goes wild
BWCL 27 day 3 results
sc
Hallo and gut to have you here. Die BWCL ist now in the 3rd phase of the 27th season, und we can say that things went as expected: le MgZ showed they still have an erect baguette that they can use to prove that “rape is bad, mkay?”, in this case DkH; xLo didn’t get tired of winning and their latest victim is the harasho 3D clan. Omlette du ownage, like the French people say.
StarCraft SuperStarS winners
sc
The StarCraft SuperStarS tournament has finally come to an end, and while the organization was marvelously built up (since some players knew with about a day in advance that they were selected, leaving them plenty of time to play, but not sleep), the winners are not yet decided. Sure, Idra is the 1st place finisher, but that still doesn’t guarantee him a spot in the back of the van with some candy and dirty old men. Let the lottery begin!
SC2 Q&A batch 17
sc
The 17th round of questioning for the imprisoned developer team has begun. 6 sites have selected their torturers to have fun with Dustin&co; I also have a question: “How long will it take for the SC2 crack to be downloadable via torrents?” I’m a bad, bad boy.
Pre-order SC the board game
sc
I think it would greatly increase the fun of this board game if they would implement lasers on all units. The ones that already have lasers should have two types of it.
Team fAke disbands
sc
The ruski team fAke.peoOple kept struggling to get some air, but someone eventually pulled the plug. Doctors say that it couldn’t live longer anyway. Let’s just hope it didn’t struggle and it went a way peacefully.
UGT season ended
sc
"iCCup, here I come”, said UGT, with the sword shining and waving in the wind. They both knew the time would soon come. The saddles seemed hardened, the rain was made of hot drops and the leaves were lead. The shield was heavier with each passing moment and the sword was like a rock tied to the hand. The horses were restless, feeling that the great confrontation was lying around the corner. The pressure was unbearable; the fight will have to take place soon. But I think iCCup will pwn UGT’s head for an extra number of players.
Bulgaria’s only sponsored SC team
Sponsored by Mafia? The Bulgarian pickle Mafia, I mean. Romanians and Bulgarians know better why.
SC:Ghost developer interview
sc
So what should we learn from this interview kids? Well, the big bad Blizzard has just sent the SC: Ghost developers to their rooms cause they were naughty. No more SC: Ghost for you, kids! I love capitalism.
BlizzForum invitational tourney
sc
Blizzard launched a tournament for the masses! All hail Blizzard! Only one of them walks away with $1000 representing hardware, which is pretty good. However, I think some other types of prizes would be good for the fans: inhalers, braces, striped socks, suspenders and eventually contact lens. Cool ‘R’ Us.
Boxer on CNN
sc
Boxer was invited on a talk show to discuss the global warming issues, the corruption proportion in the 3rd world countries and the oil price increasing rapidly at the New York and Shanghai stock exchange markets. The fault goes to the producer, who had mistaken him for a young Clinton. After 10 minutes of embarrassing fun, they switched to “So what games do you like, mr…” – “Boxer. SlayerS_`BoxeR`”, and it all went well for the broadcast rating. Unfortunately, the producer was found dead the next day, hanged by the balls from the lemon tree in his back yard.
Garimto back in the Proleague
sc
You know him; he’s the guy that literally looks like a progamer dad and he can kick your ass if you fail to perfectly micro or macro (this is supposed to be the reason why most of his KTF colleagues like to touch his muscles). After a fantastic start in the ProLeague (shamefully losing to Free[gm]), Garimto stated he just let him win: “I just let him win!”.
sAviOr on BBC
sc
If BoxeR did it, why can’t he do it too? He went to the same talk-show, this time with a new host (remember the unfortunate fate of the last one?), but this time he was the subject and they actually talked about StarCraft! After the show, sAviOr devoured the show host. All of him.
StarCraft 2 on CNN
sc
StarCraft 2 is just like that hot blonde you don’t want to look at, because you’re with your mother/jealous wife, but you just can’t help it; it’s head turner. And who could know better what’s going on with this game than the Koreans? They talked about the Government reinforcing the help for StarCraft 2 (at the moment, the Korean economy is only 80% based on StarCraft Broodwar, but things will surely improve here with the coming of StarCraft 2), so basically they will rule the World of StarCraft again.
Hwasin wins IEST
sc
Ok so the Chinese dudes think they can be like their yellow relatives, the Koreans? Think again. Well, this IEST was a nice try, I must admit, but it happened the way it was supposed to be: Koreans got some condoms, some earmuffs and some nose clips: they don’t like the screams and the burning rubber smell when they rape the non-Koreans.
BONUS: Breathing exercises are the first step towards a healthy life.
BONUS 2: The Indian movie making business is just… power overwhelming.
BONUS 3: You like that, huh, you houselhold item!
Tat's it for this week. I'm waiting for your feedback, as well as some ideas you may have to make this column even better. Yours truly, vhallee.
Kwanro the rising Zerg
sc
When a new Zerg player rises, it sure is time for some celebrations. When you get a new toaster, you celebrate. When you get past a test without studying a thing, you celebrate. When you watch Titanic from beginning to end, you celebrate. Ladies and gentlemen, Kwanro! …and the crowd goes wild
BWCL 27 day 3 results
sc
Hallo and gut to have you here. Die BWCL ist now in the 3rd phase of the 27th season, und we can say that things went as expected: le MgZ showed they still have an erect baguette that they can use to prove that “rape is bad, mkay?”, in this case DkH; xLo didn’t get tired of winning and their latest victim is the harasho 3D clan. Omlette du ownage, like the French people say.
StarCraft SuperStarS winners
sc
The StarCraft SuperStarS tournament has finally come to an end, and while the organization was marvelously built up (since some players knew with about a day in advance that they were selected, leaving them plenty of time to play, but not sleep), the winners are not yet decided. Sure, Idra is the 1st place finisher, but that still doesn’t guarantee him a spot in the back of the van with some candy and dirty old men. Let the lottery begin!
SC2 Q&A batch 17
sc
The 17th round of questioning for the imprisoned developer team has begun. 6 sites have selected their torturers to have fun with Dustin&co; I also have a question: “How long will it take for the SC2 crack to be downloadable via torrents?” I’m a bad, bad boy.
Pre-order SC the board game
sc
I think it would greatly increase the fun of this board game if they would implement lasers on all units. The ones that already have lasers should have two types of it.
Team fAke disbands
sc
The ruski team fAke.peoOple kept struggling to get some air, but someone eventually pulled the plug. Doctors say that it couldn’t live longer anyway. Let’s just hope it didn’t struggle and it went a way peacefully.
UGT season ended
sc
"iCCup, here I come”, said UGT, with the sword shining and waving in the wind. They both knew the time would soon come. The saddles seemed hardened, the rain was made of hot drops and the leaves were lead. The shield was heavier with each passing moment and the sword was like a rock tied to the hand. The horses were restless, feeling that the great confrontation was lying around the corner. The pressure was unbearable; the fight will have to take place soon. But I think iCCup will pwn UGT’s head for an extra number of players.
Bulgaria’s only sponsored SC team
Sponsored by Mafia? The Bulgarian pickle Mafia, I mean. Romanians and Bulgarians know better why.
SC:Ghost developer interview
sc
So what should we learn from this interview kids? Well, the big bad Blizzard has just sent the SC: Ghost developers to their rooms cause they were naughty. No more SC: Ghost for you, kids! I love capitalism.
BlizzForum invitational tourney
sc
Blizzard launched a tournament for the masses! All hail Blizzard! Only one of them walks away with $1000 representing hardware, which is pretty good. However, I think some other types of prizes would be good for the fans: inhalers, braces, striped socks, suspenders and eventually contact lens. Cool ‘R’ Us.
Boxer on CNN
sc
Boxer was invited on a talk show to discuss the global warming issues, the corruption proportion in the 3rd world countries and the oil price increasing rapidly at the New York and Shanghai stock exchange markets. The fault goes to the producer, who had mistaken him for a young Clinton. After 10 minutes of embarrassing fun, they switched to “So what games do you like, mr…” – “Boxer. SlayerS_`BoxeR`”, and it all went well for the broadcast rating. Unfortunately, the producer was found dead the next day, hanged by the balls from the lemon tree in his back yard.
Garimto back in the Proleague
sc
You know him; he’s the guy that literally looks like a progamer dad and he can kick your ass if you fail to perfectly micro or macro (this is supposed to be the reason why most of his KTF colleagues like to touch his muscles). After a fantastic start in the ProLeague (shamefully losing to Free[gm]), Garimto stated he just let him win: “I just let him win!”.
sAviOr on BBC
sc
If BoxeR did it, why can’t he do it too? He went to the same talk-show, this time with a new host (remember the unfortunate fate of the last one?), but this time he was the subject and they actually talked about StarCraft! After the show, sAviOr devoured the show host. All of him.
StarCraft 2 on CNN
sc
StarCraft 2 is just like that hot blonde you don’t want to look at, because you’re with your mother/jealous wife, but you just can’t help it; it’s head turner. And who could know better what’s going on with this game than the Koreans? They talked about the Government reinforcing the help for StarCraft 2 (at the moment, the Korean economy is only 80% based on StarCraft Broodwar, but things will surely improve here with the coming of StarCraft 2), so basically they will rule the World of StarCraft again.
Hwasin wins IEST
sc
Ok so the Chinese dudes think they can be like their yellow relatives, the Koreans? Think again. Well, this IEST was a nice try, I must admit, but it happened the way it was supposed to be: Koreans got some condoms, some earmuffs and some nose clips: they don’t like the screams and the burning rubber smell when they rape the non-Koreans.
BONUS: Breathing exercises are the first step towards a healthy life.
BONUS 2: The Indian movie making business is just… power overwhelming.
BONUS 3: You like that, huh, you houselhold item!
Tat's it for this week. I'm waiting for your feedback, as well as some ideas you may have to make this column even better. Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/509.html - column #27
+ Show Spoiler +
Making it appear later could make it look more interesting and maybe people would like me more and maybe my bank account would be bigger and maybe... ok have fun with it... don't scratch it!
sc
SC Book: Shadow Hunters
Basically this book revolves around the (middl-age?) crisis that Kerrigan is experiencing when thinking about her human past and what if she was wrong, bla bla. This is the typical behavior your boss is having every single day, regarding your payment: “Ah, maybe I was wrong all these years and I just made him my slave. Meh, maybe not!”
SC2 Q&A 18
sc
This StarCraft II Q&A batch featured map-related content, so it was pretty much bo.. la… different. A question was referred to the possibility of including all the map triggers like in W(ater)C(loset) III, and the answer was yes. This means that triggers like “launch Iraqi missile”, “summon 10k ninjas”, or “re-elect Bush” are just some dreams come true.
New team league tournament
sc
With WGT found dead in a small suburban river, something had to be done to replace it. And some guy called Xeris thought he had what it takes to do this: a lot of extra time, the ability to assume his fault in case shit happens, and the possibility to cash in some bribe to rig the results. After all, it’s a common thing right now, and we can’t let the Koreans own us here too.
Carmac interviews Testie
sc
The Polish interviewer that recites anthems and uses his Polish vocabulary in strange ways against his unsuspecting victims has done it again. Carmac the lion set his eyes on Testie the gazelle this time, and when the lion says “Strip”, you will strip. However, that’s not important, it’s just one of my nightmares. The important thing is that Testie managed to hang on pretty much before letting it go. However, we did find out that rape is bad, mkay? As for the “Testie has dirty pants from Korean rape” issue…
StarCraft II: Radar tower
sc
The Radar tower, aka just-an-unlucky-CnC/Red Alert-coincidence, has just been launched on the StarCraft II official page. This LEGO-look-alike structure is supposed to stop the 4pool rush by being warned “Hey, R-TarD, lings ahoy! Arrrr!”. Well an anti-rush device like this should be logical step. Lemme tell you what my mother taught me about logic: “If you break your neck in the swing, I won’t take you to the store with me!”
Nony joins Micro Media
sc
Nony (No-Knee) is that American player who said he doesn’t know the map Luna. The thing is that he just joined the Micro Media and he was told that, unfortunately, Luna is a must. You can’t reach the honey without getting some stings. But you know when you can't reach the grapes, you realize that they were sore anyway...
Idra about his possible pro-gaming career
Idra is probably the happy winner for the Korea trip to the eSTRO HQ, but this is jut speculations at the moment. We’ll know that things went nice for him if we see him in a hair gel commercial on Korean TVs, and we’ll know things went bad for him if he rents a cardboard box to the homeless so he can make a living.
MIStrZZZ vs MoonShine @ArenaTv
sc
What happens when you get 2 Polish StarCraft dudes and 2 Romanian commentators that got the keys to an online broadcast station? Some good old StarCraft showmatch that eventually brought up the security issue that the official servers: FU you hax0r!
Logitech Polish tournament
sc
A Polish tournament for the StarCraft polski dudes (This is POLKAAA!) has finally arrived in the shape of a LAN; people like Draco “ah don’t tell me Dreiven is playing too” or MIStrZZZ “Suspicious action detected” will be attending, so the pie fight should be quite interesting. Some black and white VODs with no sound of the fights after are a nice way to go for Hollywood 1920s awards.
StarCraft II censorship
sc
StarCraft is already a violent game, with blood and gore in every game, so StarCraft II must not take that sinful path. Here are some examples
- Medics will have chastity belts
- Marines will get dusters in stead of rifles;
- Zealots will have round plastic psi-blades;
- Zerglings are tamed and can work as anti-mice units;
- The Carrier will shoot candy in stead of Interceptors.
Siz)Sun – the 13 years progamer
It’s no secret that Koreans get their offspring to play it as soon as they can say “mommy”, which might resemble to “Aiur” – that is a sign he will play Protoss; names will probably change soon to Park Sun 9Pool or Fast Exp Joon. This 13 year old kid is a Terran player with 300 APM or more, an obvious descendant of NaDa and such, and he did some damage in the little leagues, that’s why he was even in some talk-shows and stuff like that. Well what can I say; he’s young enough to have a SC partner in the person of his dad and old enough to call StarCraft his little brother.
ToT acquires Arew
sc
Arew, the ex-MgZ)Arew, has just been taken by the Twilight Templars, in what appeared to be a kidnapping with a happy ending: they had their eyes on him from the other side of the kindergarten fence, slurping and growling at his every move… now he’s legally old enough to join ToT.
CDS disbands
sc
First fAke.peoOple, and now CDS. Oh my God, they killed CDS! You bastards! CDS basically WAS Czech Republic regarding the StarCraft scene. And now they pulled the plug. But I heard the Balkan Mafia can cure this, I heard… nothing better than 5-6 drunken Ukranian guys rushing to your apartment in the middle of the night with precise intentions.
BONUS: The oracle has spoken.
BONUS 2: See how a post-sex position really means.
Ok, you had enough. Want some more? Come back next week and we'll see about that. yours truly, vhallee.
sc
SC Book: Shadow Hunters
Basically this book revolves around the (middl-age?) crisis that Kerrigan is experiencing when thinking about her human past and what if she was wrong, bla bla. This is the typical behavior your boss is having every single day, regarding your payment: “Ah, maybe I was wrong all these years and I just made him my slave. Meh, maybe not!”
SC2 Q&A 18
sc
This StarCraft II Q&A batch featured map-related content, so it was pretty much bo.. la… different. A question was referred to the possibility of including all the map triggers like in W(ater)C(loset) III, and the answer was yes. This means that triggers like “launch Iraqi missile”, “summon 10k ninjas”, or “re-elect Bush” are just some dreams come true.
New team league tournament
sc
With WGT found dead in a small suburban river, something had to be done to replace it. And some guy called Xeris thought he had what it takes to do this: a lot of extra time, the ability to assume his fault in case shit happens, and the possibility to cash in some bribe to rig the results. After all, it’s a common thing right now, and we can’t let the Koreans own us here too.
Carmac interviews Testie
sc
The Polish interviewer that recites anthems and uses his Polish vocabulary in strange ways against his unsuspecting victims has done it again. Carmac the lion set his eyes on Testie the gazelle this time, and when the lion says “Strip”, you will strip. However, that’s not important, it’s just one of my nightmares. The important thing is that Testie managed to hang on pretty much before letting it go. However, we did find out that rape is bad, mkay? As for the “Testie has dirty pants from Korean rape” issue…
StarCraft II: Radar tower
sc
The Radar tower, aka just-an-unlucky-CnC/Red Alert-coincidence, has just been launched on the StarCraft II official page. This LEGO-look-alike structure is supposed to stop the 4pool rush by being warned “Hey, R-TarD, lings ahoy! Arrrr!”. Well an anti-rush device like this should be logical step. Lemme tell you what my mother taught me about logic: “If you break your neck in the swing, I won’t take you to the store with me!”
Nony joins Micro Media
sc
Nony (No-Knee) is that American player who said he doesn’t know the map Luna. The thing is that he just joined the Micro Media and he was told that, unfortunately, Luna is a must. You can’t reach the honey without getting some stings. But you know when you can't reach the grapes, you realize that they were sore anyway...
Idra about his possible pro-gaming career
Idra is probably the happy winner for the Korea trip to the eSTRO HQ, but this is jut speculations at the moment. We’ll know that things went nice for him if we see him in a hair gel commercial on Korean TVs, and we’ll know things went bad for him if he rents a cardboard box to the homeless so he can make a living.
MIStrZZZ vs MoonShine @ArenaTv
sc
What happens when you get 2 Polish StarCraft dudes and 2 Romanian commentators that got the keys to an online broadcast station? Some good old StarCraft showmatch that eventually brought up the security issue that the official servers: FU you hax0r!
Logitech Polish tournament
sc
A Polish tournament for the StarCraft polski dudes (This is POLKAAA!) has finally arrived in the shape of a LAN; people like Draco “ah don’t tell me Dreiven is playing too” or MIStrZZZ “Suspicious action detected” will be attending, so the pie fight should be quite interesting. Some black and white VODs with no sound of the fights after are a nice way to go for Hollywood 1920s awards.
StarCraft II censorship
sc
StarCraft is already a violent game, with blood and gore in every game, so StarCraft II must not take that sinful path. Here are some examples
- Medics will have chastity belts
- Marines will get dusters in stead of rifles;
- Zealots will have round plastic psi-blades;
- Zerglings are tamed and can work as anti-mice units;
- The Carrier will shoot candy in stead of Interceptors.
Siz)Sun – the 13 years progamer
It’s no secret that Koreans get their offspring to play it as soon as they can say “mommy”, which might resemble to “Aiur” – that is a sign he will play Protoss; names will probably change soon to Park Sun 9Pool or Fast Exp Joon. This 13 year old kid is a Terran player with 300 APM or more, an obvious descendant of NaDa and such, and he did some damage in the little leagues, that’s why he was even in some talk-shows and stuff like that. Well what can I say; he’s young enough to have a SC partner in the person of his dad and old enough to call StarCraft his little brother.
ToT acquires Arew
sc
Arew, the ex-MgZ)Arew, has just been taken by the Twilight Templars, in what appeared to be a kidnapping with a happy ending: they had their eyes on him from the other side of the kindergarten fence, slurping and growling at his every move… now he’s legally old enough to join ToT.
CDS disbands
sc
First fAke.peoOple, and now CDS. Oh my God, they killed CDS! You bastards! CDS basically WAS Czech Republic regarding the StarCraft scene. And now they pulled the plug. But I heard the Balkan Mafia can cure this, I heard… nothing better than 5-6 drunken Ukranian guys rushing to your apartment in the middle of the night with precise intentions.
BONUS: The oracle has spoken.
BONUS 2: See how a post-sex position really means.
Ok, you had enough. Want some more? Come back next week and we'll see about that. yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/522.html - column #28
+ Show Spoiler +
Did you know that Romania hosted this weekend in Bucharest a pickle exposition? What's more artistic than a jar of salted vegetables? Ok, enough about this, let's go!
SC2 Q&A 19
sc
Another batch of the famous SC 2 Q&A is in a local store near you! The questions were… interesting, to say the least. First one mentioned that the Protoss shields will be regenerating twice as fast when not in combat; I smell the tail of Duracell here. The last question made me fear my cactus more than usual: it appears that Protoss units feed exactly like plants, using a fork, a knife and sunlight. If my cactus finds its way to the local hardware store, psi-weapons shelf, I will have to probably end my career as a human being.
GGnet creates National Tour
sc
With WGT still dead in the river (seriously, anyone actually tried to get it out?), GosuGamers decide to take the responsibility of organizing nation wars. Since WGT disappeared with its ID, the only available database was, naturally, the one that GGnet had. But seriously, Poland B must win its status as a country.
Carmac interviews Mondragon
sc
The interviewer that made Testie admit he has dirty pants was now hunting down Mondragon. Apparently, the German Zerg player was not really bothered (some voices – in my head – say that he may have been on some vitamin C overdose). “Way you laf?” was heard to be a part of a contract that Carmac will sign in order to have this quote written on the back of the t-shirts Nike will produce for Pakistan.
Bisu interviewed
sc
The Bruce Lee Toss was interviewed (it is still unknown how many victims were recorded during that interview). The hottest subject was, obviously, his eventual meeting with sAviOr in MSL. But Bisu said he will train for this as usual, by listening to some Pet Shop Boys records and eating raw lemons while standing on his head.
KeSPA rankings November
sc
We all knew Stork couldn’t have possibly earned this; it was just like a valet, securing the spot for the master. But Bisu got back from the bathroom, so Stork, aka “Green Dinosaur Guy” had to bend over. sAviOr is still 3rd, leading me to suspect that he will eat Bisu’s babies later. NaDa is spamming APM but that’s about it, Anytime seems really pissed, putting fear in his opponents (his skill was not the deciding factor, but his -_- face was a clue for the oncoming onslaught and a possible career in CJ Entus) and Kal was greedy like hell, raping and poisoning all over the way. And the Lord said: “Kal, you shall climb 10 places in November’s KeSPA ranking”. And Kal climbed 10 spots. (Peter, 13:47)
China rankings November
These rankings are funny. On one hand, we have the mighty Koreans, spamming Terran players all over the place, and the Chinese dudes are spamming Zerg for a change. Protoss players seemed to have been the main race in the Atlantidian rankings, but we all know what happened.
Interview with Anytime
sc
Anytime was a pretty rabid guy some time ago, but he eventually got caught and was heavily dosed with some analgesics (or is it anal gesics?). But it seems that the drugs wore off, since he’s on a killing spree again. The Korean Ministry of Culture is thinking of counter-measures as we speak.
SC 2 – Observer
sc
The Protoss Observer (or Voyeur) was announced, with no skill modifications to it. It can still spy you in the bathroom without you ever knowing it. And all that for the Protoss' sick and perverted pleasures.
Another chapter from Boxer’s biography
sc
Maybe this will make the SC addicts get a book in their hands for more than 42 seconds, record by a Philippine exchange student while standing in line at a PCBang.
Fightnight
The first rule of Fightnight is “You do NOT talk about Fightnight”. The second rule of Fightnight is “You do NOT talk about Fightnight”.
Raynor hunt
sc
Blizzard is messing with those poor gamer minds again. From the “Wack the Weasel” series, they have now “Find that Raynor Weasel” game. Their cruelty has no boundaries.
iCCup round 2 results
sc
The second round of the iCCup team league was nice: a romantic Saturday night, with wine, candles and some blood. The blood was from the oncoming rapes that were about to happen. I just shed a tear for the opponents of ToT; it was horrible to watch.
SC2 – Blizzard and id software
Do you have any idea what this means?
WGT is back up
sc
After such a long time away from us, it seems that WGT is alive. Thought dead, it was only in a metaphysical state that it learned from a shaolin monk who owns a barber shop and a bowling alley. We should all be grateful and pray that we would not give in to the evil iCCup ladder infested with gosu Koreans.
BONUS: Today's architecture class features some Russian abstract art.
BONUS 2: Details from Jesus' last dinner.
That's all you deserve for this week, so be glad it's better than nothing. I still want to see you flaming me or inviting me to give you my autograph on your chest... eh, see you all next week! Yours truly, vhallee!
SC2 Q&A 19
sc
Another batch of the famous SC 2 Q&A is in a local store near you! The questions were… interesting, to say the least. First one mentioned that the Protoss shields will be regenerating twice as fast when not in combat; I smell the tail of Duracell here. The last question made me fear my cactus more than usual: it appears that Protoss units feed exactly like plants, using a fork, a knife and sunlight. If my cactus finds its way to the local hardware store, psi-weapons shelf, I will have to probably end my career as a human being.
GGnet creates National Tour
sc
With WGT still dead in the river (seriously, anyone actually tried to get it out?), GosuGamers decide to take the responsibility of organizing nation wars. Since WGT disappeared with its ID, the only available database was, naturally, the one that GGnet had. But seriously, Poland B must win its status as a country.
Carmac interviews Mondragon
sc
The interviewer that made Testie admit he has dirty pants was now hunting down Mondragon. Apparently, the German Zerg player was not really bothered (some voices – in my head – say that he may have been on some vitamin C overdose). “Way you laf?” was heard to be a part of a contract that Carmac will sign in order to have this quote written on the back of the t-shirts Nike will produce for Pakistan.
Bisu interviewed
sc
The Bruce Lee Toss was interviewed (it is still unknown how many victims were recorded during that interview). The hottest subject was, obviously, his eventual meeting with sAviOr in MSL. But Bisu said he will train for this as usual, by listening to some Pet Shop Boys records and eating raw lemons while standing on his head.
KeSPA rankings November
sc
We all knew Stork couldn’t have possibly earned this; it was just like a valet, securing the spot for the master. But Bisu got back from the bathroom, so Stork, aka “Green Dinosaur Guy” had to bend over. sAviOr is still 3rd, leading me to suspect that he will eat Bisu’s babies later. NaDa is spamming APM but that’s about it, Anytime seems really pissed, putting fear in his opponents (his skill was not the deciding factor, but his -_- face was a clue for the oncoming onslaught and a possible career in CJ Entus) and Kal was greedy like hell, raping and poisoning all over the way. And the Lord said: “Kal, you shall climb 10 places in November’s KeSPA ranking”. And Kal climbed 10 spots. (Peter, 13:47)
China rankings November
These rankings are funny. On one hand, we have the mighty Koreans, spamming Terran players all over the place, and the Chinese dudes are spamming Zerg for a change. Protoss players seemed to have been the main race in the Atlantidian rankings, but we all know what happened.
Interview with Anytime
sc
Anytime was a pretty rabid guy some time ago, but he eventually got caught and was heavily dosed with some analgesics (or is it anal gesics?). But it seems that the drugs wore off, since he’s on a killing spree again. The Korean Ministry of Culture is thinking of counter-measures as we speak.
SC 2 – Observer
sc
The Protoss Observer (or Voyeur) was announced, with no skill modifications to it. It can still spy you in the bathroom without you ever knowing it. And all that for the Protoss' sick and perverted pleasures.
Another chapter from Boxer’s biography
sc
Maybe this will make the SC addicts get a book in their hands for more than 42 seconds, record by a Philippine exchange student while standing in line at a PCBang.
Fightnight
The first rule of Fightnight is “You do NOT talk about Fightnight”. The second rule of Fightnight is “You do NOT talk about Fightnight”.
Raynor hunt
sc
Blizzard is messing with those poor gamer minds again. From the “Wack the Weasel” series, they have now “Find that Raynor Weasel” game. Their cruelty has no boundaries.
iCCup round 2 results
sc
The second round of the iCCup team league was nice: a romantic Saturday night, with wine, candles and some blood. The blood was from the oncoming rapes that were about to happen. I just shed a tear for the opponents of ToT; it was horrible to watch.
SC2 – Blizzard and id software
Do you have any idea what this means?
WGT is back up
sc
After such a long time away from us, it seems that WGT is alive. Thought dead, it was only in a metaphysical state that it learned from a shaolin monk who owns a barber shop and a bowling alley. We should all be grateful and pray that we would not give in to the evil iCCup ladder infested with gosu Koreans.
BONUS: Today's architecture class features some Russian abstract art.
BONUS 2: Details from Jesus' last dinner.
That's all you deserve for this week, so be glad it's better than nothing. I still want to see you flaming me or inviting me to give you my autograph on your chest... eh, see you all next week! Yours truly, vhallee!
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/535.html - column #29
+ Show Spoiler +
The people from a Romanian village have grown the biggest pumpkins ever (or something like that, but still pretty big). Well now, with those seeds, they can finally say they are actually eating oysters.
SC2 Q&A Batch 20
sc
The 20th edition of the SC2 Q&A session featured – believe it or not – some questions followed by some answers. It was scientifically proved that a question comes before the answer. I would like to take time and thank those wonderful scientists (like the ones who invented the seedless melon (fuck cancer, I hate cleaning after my melon!) or the ones who invented the coffee-flavored condoms (if you really can’t sleep at night) or the ones that made the green glow-in-the-dark pig) for the fact that they made the world a more special place. As for the questions, sure, here’s a w00t, there’s plenty more back in my garage.
GGnet Christmas Clash
sc
Ok, so you were a bad boy dissecting a live frog at the biology class or you but fly paper instead of toilet paper. Don’t you cry, Santa can still come: the Swedes at GGnet probably know one of Santa’s dark secrets (maybe he hates Coca Cola in fact!), because they will have a Christmas tournament where Mr. S (reprezentin’!) will give away some prizes. So who cares if you were good or bad? Start raising that APM, biatch!
WGTCL season 17 signups
sc
WGT has risen, almost 3 days after it died, just like the prophecy said and it was time for some proof that it really is alive. What better proof you need than a new Clan League, huh? Yea, I’m talking to you, punk! I pity the fool who doesn’t signup for this one!
StarBrain: Cloud vs Kingdom
sc
Ok so you played a lot of StarCraft, time was passing by and you realized that you should settle down. Your boyfriend went through some surgery so that you would be a heterosexual couple, but you were there for him (now “her”). Add an adopted kid to that and your unburned flaming passion for this game and you have StarBrain. These “dads” now coordinate some new faces in this new type of showmatch, but don’t be so hard on them; they just can’t live without it. Ask any kidnapped Korean since 2000 and he will tell you his first worry was to login to Battle.net so that his account won’t be deleted due to inactivity.
WGT Reunion Tour
sc
The big family has gotten together this weekend and I thought I’d let you know. You were with us in the toughest moments, man, and the Godfather doesn’t forget people who are loyal to him. Oh, and tell Sonny he still has that hundred grand from the coke to give me, I didn’t forget.
SC2 preview by CVG
sc
So this Computer and Video Gaming site aka CVG.com cleverly applied some tongues - in the shape of a StarCraft II related article - on the nice and round Blizzard buttocks. Well, maybe I’m just jealous and I’m not thinking straight. Ah mom, why didn’t you love me?
GGSL playoffs
sc
The GGnet StarLeague has just begun, with Squall winning against Gosia and Mondragon being the highlight of the night: how could he lose a game to TT1? That is the question. Big guns like Sen, Crayon Xiaozi or Idra joined the party, so there’s gonna be some casualties. Study now, party later… study now, party later… study now, party later…
The curse of the Bonjwa
What’s the connection between NaDa, iloveoov and sAviOr? Besides the dirty “connections” they make when they have too much sake (did I hear a choo-choo train?), they all won 3 MSLs and 1OSL, after which they lost to the one next to them. And now Bisu’s waiting in line to win the 3rd MSL and first OSL. The man responsible is PoP, a French dude that found inside a baguette a map and file made of cast iron (his grocery bag was accidentally swapped with a wife visiting his convicted husband, Enrique). That map showed the evolution of StarCraft and its future. Want to know what the future is? I’ll tell you, it’s….[/piano smash]
aFz and pAq unite
sc
- Do you, aFz, take this pAq, to be your how-do-you-call-it… other half or something like that?
- Da, pAq is harasho.
-What about you, pAq, do you want this too?
- Mmmm, mmmm-mmm!!!
- Ok, I’ll take that as a “yes”. I’ll leave you two alone in the barn now.
DeathAngel wins LRS 9
sc
DeathAngel is famous for several reasons: he has an interesting haircut, he has a Boxer-like keyboard with “DeathAngel ROX” written on it in some pink-red color, and he just won the latest Romanian StarCraft league. He declared he will retire after this one, so winning this league is a nice retirement present. But you know what happens with cops that want to retire in their last 3 work days… Only Bruce Willis lives long enough to retire peacefully.
iCCup Week 3 results
sc
This was basically the FreshMeatFest: the big butchers just came to face some schoolgirls and the result was not really in the favor of the second group. It was messy, to say the least… you needed a tough stomach for that one cause it was just… well it hurt to watch.
MSL Grand Final
sc
After sAviOr lost to Mind (I still have nightmares about that), it was time for Bisu aka PimpToss (he had a pimp hat in that video with a god damn feather!) to get back in the ring and crush some more Korean-yellow bones. I hope the MSL final will be scheduled before 8 PM, otherwise Mind’s parents are going to be really pissed; everybody knows that 10PM = lights put, and Mind fits into that just right.
iCCup and Pokersharks.ru tourney
sc
OK, so the Ruski dudes from iCCup and PokerSHARKS (doesn’t shark mean the one that undermines the national economy of a third-world country?) decided that business is good, so a few extra bucks thrown on some prizes couldn’t hurt. The rules are almost the same, except for the cheating part: if you are caught hacking, you will enjoy your new pair of concrete shoes in some suburban river. But first comes the beating-to-a-pulp part.
SC2 beta soon?
sc
It’s the I-dunno-how-many-timeth when Blizzard takes advantage of the tired brains from so much StarCraft/WarCraft III/WoW (it would be best if we do not mention the name WoW – probably the best drug in the world). They have now setup a riddle concerning the StarCraft II BETA launch date, the winner probably receiving something (dark powers I heard). I really wonder what school these Blizzard employees attended to, because it’s something to evil to be considered a birth gift.
sAviOr, the Maestro
sc
An article created in the honor of the great Zerg player is always interesting to read, but watching sAviOr lose is like taking your big brother to school to kick some ass and getting horribly beaten together with him. The worst part is that the progaming pricks have gotten the sAviOr blood scent.
BONUS: This goes out to all you Mario fans.
That’s it for this week. The 30th column should be something special but I have nothing worthy in my mind right now, to be honest, but hopefully I can do something special to please the hungry masses. Until then, have a nice week! Yours truly, vhallee.
SC2 Q&A Batch 20
sc
The 20th edition of the SC2 Q&A session featured – believe it or not – some questions followed by some answers. It was scientifically proved that a question comes before the answer. I would like to take time and thank those wonderful scientists (like the ones who invented the seedless melon (fuck cancer, I hate cleaning after my melon!) or the ones who invented the coffee-flavored condoms (if you really can’t sleep at night) or the ones that made the green glow-in-the-dark pig) for the fact that they made the world a more special place. As for the questions, sure, here’s a w00t, there’s plenty more back in my garage.
GGnet Christmas Clash
sc
Ok, so you were a bad boy dissecting a live frog at the biology class or you but fly paper instead of toilet paper. Don’t you cry, Santa can still come: the Swedes at GGnet probably know one of Santa’s dark secrets (maybe he hates Coca Cola in fact!), because they will have a Christmas tournament where Mr. S (reprezentin’!) will give away some prizes. So who cares if you were good or bad? Start raising that APM, biatch!
WGTCL season 17 signups
sc
WGT has risen, almost 3 days after it died, just like the prophecy said and it was time for some proof that it really is alive. What better proof you need than a new Clan League, huh? Yea, I’m talking to you, punk! I pity the fool who doesn’t signup for this one!
StarBrain: Cloud vs Kingdom
sc
Ok so you played a lot of StarCraft, time was passing by and you realized that you should settle down. Your boyfriend went through some surgery so that you would be a heterosexual couple, but you were there for him (now “her”). Add an adopted kid to that and your unburned flaming passion for this game and you have StarBrain. These “dads” now coordinate some new faces in this new type of showmatch, but don’t be so hard on them; they just can’t live without it. Ask any kidnapped Korean since 2000 and he will tell you his first worry was to login to Battle.net so that his account won’t be deleted due to inactivity.
WGT Reunion Tour
sc
The big family has gotten together this weekend and I thought I’d let you know. You were with us in the toughest moments, man, and the Godfather doesn’t forget people who are loyal to him. Oh, and tell Sonny he still has that hundred grand from the coke to give me, I didn’t forget.
SC2 preview by CVG
sc
So this Computer and Video Gaming site aka CVG.com cleverly applied some tongues - in the shape of a StarCraft II related article - on the nice and round Blizzard buttocks. Well, maybe I’m just jealous and I’m not thinking straight. Ah mom, why didn’t you love me?
GGSL playoffs
sc
The GGnet StarLeague has just begun, with Squall winning against Gosia and Mondragon being the highlight of the night: how could he lose a game to TT1? That is the question. Big guns like Sen, Crayon Xiaozi or Idra joined the party, so there’s gonna be some casualties. Study now, party later… study now, party later… study now, party later…
The curse of the Bonjwa
What’s the connection between NaDa, iloveoov and sAviOr? Besides the dirty “connections” they make when they have too much sake (did I hear a choo-choo train?), they all won 3 MSLs and 1OSL, after which they lost to the one next to them. And now Bisu’s waiting in line to win the 3rd MSL and first OSL. The man responsible is PoP, a French dude that found inside a baguette a map and file made of cast iron (his grocery bag was accidentally swapped with a wife visiting his convicted husband, Enrique). That map showed the evolution of StarCraft and its future. Want to know what the future is? I’ll tell you, it’s….[/piano smash]
aFz and pAq unite
sc
- Do you, aFz, take this pAq, to be your how-do-you-call-it… other half or something like that?
- Da, pAq is harasho.
-What about you, pAq, do you want this too?
- Mmmm, mmmm-mmm!!!
- Ok, I’ll take that as a “yes”. I’ll leave you two alone in the barn now.
DeathAngel wins LRS 9
sc
DeathAngel is famous for several reasons: he has an interesting haircut, he has a Boxer-like keyboard with “DeathAngel ROX” written on it in some pink-red color, and he just won the latest Romanian StarCraft league. He declared he will retire after this one, so winning this league is a nice retirement present. But you know what happens with cops that want to retire in their last 3 work days… Only Bruce Willis lives long enough to retire peacefully.
iCCup Week 3 results
sc
This was basically the FreshMeatFest: the big butchers just came to face some schoolgirls and the result was not really in the favor of the second group. It was messy, to say the least… you needed a tough stomach for that one cause it was just… well it hurt to watch.
MSL Grand Final
sc
After sAviOr lost to Mind (I still have nightmares about that), it was time for Bisu aka PimpToss (he had a pimp hat in that video with a god damn feather!) to get back in the ring and crush some more Korean-yellow bones. I hope the MSL final will be scheduled before 8 PM, otherwise Mind’s parents are going to be really pissed; everybody knows that 10PM = lights put, and Mind fits into that just right.
iCCup and Pokersharks.ru tourney
sc
OK, so the Ruski dudes from iCCup and PokerSHARKS (doesn’t shark mean the one that undermines the national economy of a third-world country?) decided that business is good, so a few extra bucks thrown on some prizes couldn’t hurt. The rules are almost the same, except for the cheating part: if you are caught hacking, you will enjoy your new pair of concrete shoes in some suburban river. But first comes the beating-to-a-pulp part.
SC2 beta soon?
sc
It’s the I-dunno-how-many-timeth when Blizzard takes advantage of the tired brains from so much StarCraft/WarCraft III/WoW (it would be best if we do not mention the name WoW – probably the best drug in the world). They have now setup a riddle concerning the StarCraft II BETA launch date, the winner probably receiving something (dark powers I heard). I really wonder what school these Blizzard employees attended to, because it’s something to evil to be considered a birth gift.
sAviOr, the Maestro
sc
An article created in the honor of the great Zerg player is always interesting to read, but watching sAviOr lose is like taking your big brother to school to kick some ass and getting horribly beaten together with him. The worst part is that the progaming pricks have gotten the sAviOr blood scent.
BONUS: This goes out to all you Mario fans.
That’s it for this week. The 30th column should be something special but I have nothing worthy in my mind right now, to be honest, but hopefully I can do something special to please the hungry masses. Until then, have a nice week! Yours truly, vhallee.
http://www.mymym.com/en/article/545.html - column #30.
+ Show Spoiler +
Bisu does not Mind losing the MSL
1
A guy stole a cow and sold it for a DVD player. If it would have been the other way around, I would say ‘ok, so the guy had to do this so he could eat’, but right now I’m a bit confused: he probably needs the DVD player to watch some documentaries on stealing, in order to broad his horizons. Get a ranch and you’ll have yourself an electronics store in no time.
SC2 Q&A Batch 21
sc
The Ghost got the EMP upgrade, while the Nomad got a stationary defense besides its detection ability and the Defense Matrix. After all (from what I’ve seen to be a Nomad in the unit profile box), a guy with a Hulk Hogan moustache and a hat that probably has “Taco Bell” written on it is highly probable to be a nuclear scientist capable of helping the Terran Dominion by maneuvering highly advanced gadgets. Yep, those guys and the 20 year old blond chicks from the 80s movies.
StarCraft tricks movie
sc
Tony Hawk, step aside! Tiger Woods, move over! This movie shows you how it’s really done. Just like pool has a trick shot section, StarCraft surely deserves one itself. Sure, knowing these tricks is like knowing how the weather in Africa would be (hot and sunny every day): it’s cute, but not really necessary.
QCup Week 17
sc
Ok so week 17 was over, with the Greek Qcg.TagoMago, who recently divorced Bartar’s happy crew – Arrrrrrrr! – just won against Qpad.Sensei in the finals, while MgZ)TT1 and NGr.Arkon got 1 point each. I feel sorry for MgZ, because I really liked those guys. If I were to say to you that I trust in MgZ after these weeks, you would be as skeptical as when I would present the “Left hand amputation” project as a cure for the Bird Flu.
MoonShine vs Kr at ArenaTv
sc
This week on ArenaTv, Moonshine aka “this is the last drink then I’m off to the showmatch” and Kr aka “don’t hate me cause I’m from Lithuania” fought live. According to a quick poll before the showmatch, most viewers wanted to see MoonShine and Kr fighting in a a) arena full of ferocious hyenas, b) pit full of viper and c) ring full chocolate. MoonShine eventually managed to write the “All your base are belong to me”, with Kr being traumatized for the following weekend.
StarBrain: YellOw vs ChalRengE
sc
This edition of StarBrain featured a very powerful Columbian druglord dressed as a Korean ex-progamer (now a Korean trophy-man, good for carrying to certain famous exhibition) – you guessed, it’s YellOw – and a man that played StarCraft for years but only gained fame after burning a small piece of paper in front of the cameras – yup, it’s ChalRengE alright. Ok, so we don’t really care about their apprentices but we care about YellOw here. I guess it was that time of the day where you can neither count your money nor make babies, otherwise I can’t explain YellOw’s decision to bother himself with coming all the way there.
MYM KOTH: Arew vs Fenix
sc
MYM and GIGA were a happy couple. They shared it all, good or bad. They even hated with the same strength when N’Sync or Backstreet Boys came out with another reunion. Ah, it was all magical. But then one day, GIGA was lost and something had to be done. ESL was looking pretty hot, so MYM could not keep it in the pants. The rest is history. Arew and Fenix were brought before the masses to fight and Arew emerged victorious. But forcing kids like them (their age does not allow them to cross the street alone, to eat more than 2 pieces of candy at a time and to leave the safety of the backyard) to fight for the sick pleasure of the masses reminds me of the good ol’ Romans. But there has to be a second opinion, maybe I’m mistaking: for instance, but I heard from many sources that kicking a dog while it’s in flames is not advised (that’s more than two opinions I mean).
Androide interviewed
sc
How does he do it? He stays frosted and is resurrected only when there’s a WCG nearby. He lives in a frozen bunker in the heart of Alaska, where 12 mad scientists - 12 mad dentists to be exact – hold him and feed him polar bear vodka, while keeping him in a container filled with other kinds of alcohol that go over 70% vol. The Transnystrian gay community will have its revenge!
Galactic Conquest #2
sc
It is a scientifically proven fact that the sequels are usually worse than their original brothers/sisters (my grades > my little sister’s grades), but that didn’t stop the guys at WGTour to risk themselves into another Galactic Conquest. If the shit hits the fan, power-up the shields and ask Mr. Data to get you out, warp factor 9.
Mind wins MSL Season 3
sc
Some people denied his skill after he won the MSL Season 3, claiming that he was too ugly to keep Bisu concentrated, or that he played at a time when it was comfortable for kids his age, because his parents were going to go pick him up soon for the swimming lessons. No matter what, this Pokemon-generation kid pwned iloveoov, sAviOr and Bisu, they were all like pretzels on a string [insert sexual explanation here] and this can’t be changed. His chances of winning were almost the same like the chances of you not dropping the buttered bread on your new carpet.
Blizzforum cancels the finals
sc
Now that’s a nice one; TT1 and Skew reach the finals in this $1000 tournament where Blizzard is involved and shit starts flying from one guy to the other. Blizzard was the funniest character in this story, which was recently voted to be even funnier than one of Pablo Francisco’s acts. The result is no cash, but a free show and 98.4% of the crowd that was present there left with a little smile on their faces.
Interview with Mind
sc
Little Inter.Mind was interviewed after his afternoon nap about the whole MSL Season 3 story. The reporters brought some nice toys that made the Terran player more cooperable. Many people still can’t understand how Mind actually won this MSL but let me tell you one thing, you Mind haters: violence is not the answer, it’s only an instrument that gives you time to actually find the answer and get some pleasure. Use it with an evil British accent.
BONUS: The new Spiderman 4 will be out soon.
BONUS 2: If you are a computer freak and you can't do one single romantic declaration, try this one: "Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all my base are belong to you."
And that's how the 30th week of StarCraft ended. Good or bad, it's gone and will never return. But I will. Yours truly, vhallee.
1
A guy stole a cow and sold it for a DVD player. If it would have been the other way around, I would say ‘ok, so the guy had to do this so he could eat’, but right now I’m a bit confused: he probably needs the DVD player to watch some documentaries on stealing, in order to broad his horizons. Get a ranch and you’ll have yourself an electronics store in no time.
SC2 Q&A Batch 21
sc
The Ghost got the EMP upgrade, while the Nomad got a stationary defense besides its detection ability and the Defense Matrix. After all (from what I’ve seen to be a Nomad in the unit profile box), a guy with a Hulk Hogan moustache and a hat that probably has “Taco Bell” written on it is highly probable to be a nuclear scientist capable of helping the Terran Dominion by maneuvering highly advanced gadgets. Yep, those guys and the 20 year old blond chicks from the 80s movies.
StarCraft tricks movie
sc
Tony Hawk, step aside! Tiger Woods, move over! This movie shows you how it’s really done. Just like pool has a trick shot section, StarCraft surely deserves one itself. Sure, knowing these tricks is like knowing how the weather in Africa would be (hot and sunny every day): it’s cute, but not really necessary.
QCup Week 17
sc
Ok so week 17 was over, with the Greek Qcg.TagoMago, who recently divorced Bartar’s happy crew – Arrrrrrrr! – just won against Qpad.Sensei in the finals, while MgZ)TT1 and NGr.Arkon got 1 point each. I feel sorry for MgZ, because I really liked those guys. If I were to say to you that I trust in MgZ after these weeks, you would be as skeptical as when I would present the “Left hand amputation” project as a cure for the Bird Flu.
MoonShine vs Kr at ArenaTv
sc
This week on ArenaTv, Moonshine aka “this is the last drink then I’m off to the showmatch” and Kr aka “don’t hate me cause I’m from Lithuania” fought live. According to a quick poll before the showmatch, most viewers wanted to see MoonShine and Kr fighting in a a) arena full of ferocious hyenas, b) pit full of viper and c) ring full chocolate. MoonShine eventually managed to write the “All your base are belong to me”, with Kr being traumatized for the following weekend.
StarBrain: YellOw vs ChalRengE
sc
This edition of StarBrain featured a very powerful Columbian druglord dressed as a Korean ex-progamer (now a Korean trophy-man, good for carrying to certain famous exhibition) – you guessed, it’s YellOw – and a man that played StarCraft for years but only gained fame after burning a small piece of paper in front of the cameras – yup, it’s ChalRengE alright. Ok, so we don’t really care about their apprentices but we care about YellOw here. I guess it was that time of the day where you can neither count your money nor make babies, otherwise I can’t explain YellOw’s decision to bother himself with coming all the way there.
MYM KOTH: Arew vs Fenix
sc
MYM and GIGA were a happy couple. They shared it all, good or bad. They even hated with the same strength when N’Sync or Backstreet Boys came out with another reunion. Ah, it was all magical. But then one day, GIGA was lost and something had to be done. ESL was looking pretty hot, so MYM could not keep it in the pants. The rest is history. Arew and Fenix were brought before the masses to fight and Arew emerged victorious. But forcing kids like them (their age does not allow them to cross the street alone, to eat more than 2 pieces of candy at a time and to leave the safety of the backyard) to fight for the sick pleasure of the masses reminds me of the good ol’ Romans. But there has to be a second opinion, maybe I’m mistaking: for instance, but I heard from many sources that kicking a dog while it’s in flames is not advised (that’s more than two opinions I mean).
Androide interviewed
sc
How does he do it? He stays frosted and is resurrected only when there’s a WCG nearby. He lives in a frozen bunker in the heart of Alaska, where 12 mad scientists - 12 mad dentists to be exact – hold him and feed him polar bear vodka, while keeping him in a container filled with other kinds of alcohol that go over 70% vol. The Transnystrian gay community will have its revenge!
Galactic Conquest #2
sc
It is a scientifically proven fact that the sequels are usually worse than their original brothers/sisters (my grades > my little sister’s grades), but that didn’t stop the guys at WGTour to risk themselves into another Galactic Conquest. If the shit hits the fan, power-up the shields and ask Mr. Data to get you out, warp factor 9.
Mind wins MSL Season 3
sc
Some people denied his skill after he won the MSL Season 3, claiming that he was too ugly to keep Bisu concentrated, or that he played at a time when it was comfortable for kids his age, because his parents were going to go pick him up soon for the swimming lessons. No matter what, this Pokemon-generation kid pwned iloveoov, sAviOr and Bisu, they were all like pretzels on a string [insert sexual explanation here] and this can’t be changed. His chances of winning were almost the same like the chances of you not dropping the buttered bread on your new carpet.
Blizzforum cancels the finals
sc
Now that’s a nice one; TT1 and Skew reach the finals in this $1000 tournament where Blizzard is involved and shit starts flying from one guy to the other. Blizzard was the funniest character in this story, which was recently voted to be even funnier than one of Pablo Francisco’s acts. The result is no cash, but a free show and 98.4% of the crowd that was present there left with a little smile on their faces.
Interview with Mind
sc
Little Inter.Mind was interviewed after his afternoon nap about the whole MSL Season 3 story. The reporters brought some nice toys that made the Terran player more cooperable. Many people still can’t understand how Mind actually won this MSL but let me tell you one thing, you Mind haters: violence is not the answer, it’s only an instrument that gives you time to actually find the answer and get some pleasure. Use it with an evil British accent.
BONUS: The new Spiderman 4 will be out soon.
BONUS 2: If you are a computer freak and you can't do one single romantic declaration, try this one: "Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF, all my base are belong to you."
And that's how the 30th week of StarCraft ended. Good or bad, it's gone and will never return. But I will. Yours truly, vhallee.
EDIT: New column #30 is here. enjoy!
EDIT#2: I will create another thread as this one is kinda hard to work with already, since there are too many of them by now. Happy anniversary to my column!