EPT![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/Vw6mS.png)
Hello my dear readers. How are you? That's good to hear. And your significant other, kids, pets? Oh, Fluffy died? I'm very sad to hear that. Oh, and how am I? Well, I'm glad you asked. You see, my friends, I am not well. In fact, I am downright furious. Almost furious enough to start writing on chalkboards. But, I digress. What I'd like to do is take a second from being the best and most accurate reporter and writer in the Starcraft 2 community and speak truthfully from the heart. This calm discussion needs to be read by EVERYONE. I'm making a new thread for this because as Starcraft's most trusted journalist, my opinion is more important than everyone else's so it deserves its own thread.
To start off, who the fuck do these NASL guys think they are? Creating such a huge tournament is certainly going to destroy E-Sports and possibly the whole world. Don't they realize the survival of the human race is on the line??? Don't even get me started on the pre-announcement showmatch. Absolutely horrid quality, especially since they explicitly said that's how the NASL broadcast will look and that they're not going to improve the quality.
Oh, and this casting live, but not broadcasted live shit. WTF is that? This is clearly going to ruin EVERYTHING. This will almost definitely be an issue when everyone is watching these “awesome” games. There's absolutely no way we'll forget about it and ignore the fact that it's not live after the season starts. We'll all be watching and saying “Why can't they be playing RIGHT NOW?!?! Knowing that they already played this game totally fucks up my experience” instead of discussing the games.
And where are the sponsors? They MUST have sponsors. I'm so confused! They can't possibly have money without sponsors. Who the fuck would invest in a tournament and not want people to know who they are. I know I would want everyone to know who I am and every single detail about me. This is totally different than how every other tournament is done, so this tournament will be stupid.
How can they possibly make a huge announcement and not tell ME every little detail about the tournament. I must know every single facet of the tournament RIGHT NOW. The tournament starts in less than 3 fortnights! 3!!! They should should have an answer for all of my questions immediately. I mean, what if player X doesn't say gg in 63% of his games and then switches teams, but isn't on a team for a period of 57 hours, while playing from Kenya for 3 of his games, and also has to undergo emergency toenail surgery, but has to call his Mom in Mississippi at the same time! WHAT THEN? HUH? WHY DONT YOU HAVE AN ANSWER FOR ME?!?!?!
And another thing. NASL claims to be all about professionalism, but then they hire iNcontroL, a guy who clearly doesn't give a shit about Starcraft or it's future and never ever takes things seriously. Why would they want such a popular and beloved player to promote their league? Also, iNcontroL is so damn unprofessional, and is destroying the league by continuing his popular antics. He should be completely serious all the time, because that will help promote the league more than being his usual entertaining self.
Next, I'd like to talk about this chick Kelly casting in MY GSL. Why would she even apply, she clearly knows absolutely nothing about the game and doesn't give a shit about Starcraft 2. And how dare she try to be funny and calling the Hellion a “race car”? This is a completely serious cast. Tasteless and Artosis never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever joke around. Also, there's no way she's going to get better, either. I mean, look at the observer. People thought he would get better, but even during yesterday's games, I was thinking to myself, “This guy is awful, there's like 2 units offscreen in this battle” and “why isn't he focusing on all 3 drops at once, that's so easy to do” and “why doesn't he have the exact tab open that I want?” The whole thing just makes me want to repeatedly make jokes about her accent and switch L's and R's in my text, because that never gets old.
Speaking of casters, this TotalBiscuit guy is such a fucking idiot. I used to think he was awesome, then he decides he's going to spend his time on different games proportionally to what his viewers want? WoW players aren't real people. They spend hours playing a game, and then discuss and analyze every aspect of it on the forums. That's nothing like Starcraft 2 players.
So fuck him, I want to hear him cast Starcraft 2, so he should listen to ME and just cast Starcraft 2. And you know what? I'm going to say he's quitting casting Starcraft 2 altogether, because that's clearly what he said. It's important that we go around bashing these casters. It doesn't matter if we take comments "out of context" or "totally misquote" them.
Ok. Glad I was able to get those arguments down in a clear and respectable way. Now I have to go make fifteen different posts on Reddit for all these complaints.
EDIT: fixed some grammar and spelling, I don't want to look like a complete idiot or anything.
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Please don't turn this into a discussion about NASL, Kelly, or TB. I'm just making jokes about some complaints that I think are totally ridiculous. I think there are legitimate complaints about all three, but this isn't the place to discuss them. Just enjoy the article 
Also, I love /r/starcraft, but just the 75% of it that isn't idiotic.
Also, I love /r/starcraft, but just the 75% of it that isn't idiotic.+ Show Spoiler [Infested Archon archive] +
