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iNcontroL's Announcement Will Not Cure Cancer or End World Hunger
For months, Geoff “iNcontroL” Robinson and others have been hyping a big announcement, even using the increasingly popular trend of announcing announcements for an announcement. Earlier today, he finally revealed his announcement after a showmatch between a Gorilla and a Gracken. The announcement is the North American Star League, a 50 player tournament lasting for months and with a $400,000 prize pool over 3 seasons.
People all over the world were disappointed to hear this announcement. Most were expecting a cure for cancer or an end to world hunger. Still others were hoping for the discovery and perfection of cold fusion, eternal world peace, or even something as simple as uniting the world's religions. Sadly, the world will have to settle for the largest Starcraft 2 tournament outside Korea.
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This child was sad to hear that he won't be eating tonight because iNcontroL decided to create a tournament rather than end world hunger
With all the hype, many committees were ready to award prizes to iNcontroL such as all of the Nobel Prizes, the U.S. Congressional Medal of Honor, 24 Olympic Gold Medals, and Agnes Thompson Literacy Award from the New Hampshire Coalition of Retired Librarians. But, instead those committees will have to find actual scientists, heroes, athletes, and literate people to give their awards to.
Other people were angry with the showmatch itself. Animal activists were outraged that a gorilla and a Gracken were forced to fight to the death. Activist Sky Panda Wolf Borkowski had this to say, “The Gracken is one of the rarest and most precious creatures we have on Earth. His imbalanced figure, the way he lashes out at others when angry, and how he suddenly runs away from a fight the second he has a disadvantage makes him truly unique. The gorilla, which we have nicknamed “Chinro” for the large tuft of hair on his chin and fondness for the Soju brand, Jinro, is truly one of the most dominant creatures in Korea. It is horrible to see these two beautiful creatures being forced to fight to the death for a prize of $1500. They should get at least get 5 figures.”
On the positive side, it is believed that the tournament will be casted exclusively by everyone's favorite casters, KellyMILKIES and Maven.
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