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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
We got together 2 years ago and since then I have lost contact with all my other friends, (the fucking reason I am writing this here and not talking to someone). Everything is sorta empty right now, but walking in on your GF + your (ex)best friend having sex is like a scene taken from a bad drama don't you think?. I just hope I will be able to make new friends again, or perhaps even pick it up with lost ones. On the flip side, my application to oxford just got confirmed yipee :/ :/  | ||
Hot_Bid
Braavos36375 Posts
i'm serious, and i'm not going to lie, it's because i want to hear the juicy parts. but it could also be theraputic to talk it through and get over it, and get some sympathy from all of us. i pray i never have to deal with the same thing, must be horrible. | ||
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Spenguin
Australia3316 Posts
/offtopic + Show Spoiler + On August 04 2008 23:25 Hot_Bid wrote: please give us full details about the GF cheat story. include all descriptions no matter how painful. i'm serious, and i'm not going to lie, it's because i want to hear the juicy parts. but it could also be theraputic to talk it through and get over it, and get some sympathy from all of us. i pray i never have to deal with the same thing, must be horrible. That and T_T bad luck man, still oxford, fuckin well done mate  | ||
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Orome
Switzerland11984 Posts
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
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KwarK
United States42879 Posts
Also useful for when you're feeling emo are older sisters and dogs (younger sisters and cats are way too self absorbed). | ||
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Frits
11782 Posts
So how did it happen, did you happen to come by for a surprise visit or something and found them like that? | ||
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
We had been having a "down" period so to speak, so I had decided to take a day of to go over to her place, and you know clean it up leave a nice letter etc. It is the kind of thing I generally seldom do but that she actually loves. So when I open the door (I have a key) the first thing I see are his shoes and I hear a load *thump*. I go "uh..?" When I enter the appartment I find nothing, but upon opening the kitchen door I find them both there, cowering in one corner each, naked. "Fucking great" I tell him to get the fuck out so that I can talk things over with her (the fucker tries to hide in the bathroom trying to make sure he's still there when I leave, yea right..) Anyways all dreams come to an end I suppose, however I just can't stop wondering if it was really worth it. | ||
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Orome
Switzerland11984 Posts
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grobo
Japan6199 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:34 KlaCkoN wrote: So when I open the door (I have a key) the first thing I see are his shoes and I hear a load *thump*. I go "uh..?" When I enter the appartment I find nothing, but upon opening the kitchen door I find them both there, cowering in one corner each, naked. I don't think my rage would ever cool down after a thing like that. Anyway, sorry to hear that, shouldn't be hard making new friends though and eventually you'll get over her. Good luck! | ||
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
Strangly enough it actually makes it feel a bit better (lol me :/ ) And UK universities are strange so I'll be home 6 months a year anyway :/ + I have trouble meeteing new people, (I love socialising though ) *sighs* I'll go home now, writing this at work, might write more later. Thanks everyone. | ||
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grobo
Japan6199 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:40 KlaCkoN wrote: Wow at all posts~~ Strangly enough it actually makes it feel a bit better (lol me :/ ) And UK universities are strange so I'll be home 6 months a year anyway :/ + I have trouble meeteing new people, (I love socialising though ) *sighs* I'll go home now, writing this at work, might write more later. Thanks everyone. It's pretty much impossible not to make friends at school, as long as you are there at least once a week it shouldn't be a problem. And when you move to another country you have the opportunity to start over from scratch. To be honest i wish i had a chance like that right now. | ||
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arb
Noobville17921 Posts
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anderoo
Canada1876 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:45 arb wrote: You should have grabbed his ass !!! Don't worry buddy, she's gonna end up being a livecam girl and you're gonna get fucking rich off of the badass job that education like Oxford gives you. She'll regret it. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32073 Posts
If it's any consolation, it could be worse. You could have come home to your girlfriend blowing your German Sheppard. | ||
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
I would also speak with ur gf and make her tell u as much as she can, it helps in the long run. at least it did for me. moreover if ur ex best friend also has a gf talk to her helps, too. I'm still together with my gf after a short break cuz i realized that i still love her and i don't think she will do it again. But I never talked again to my friend. So yeah just some advices although ur case is worse, but with those things I mentioned I was alright again after 3 weeks or a month, so gl to you! | ||
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ToT)MidiaN(
England2183 Posts
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grobo
Japan6199 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:58 REDBLUEGREEN wrote: I'm still together with my gf after a short break cuz i realized that i still love her and i don't think she will do it again. But I never talked again to my friend. How can you even look her in the eyes after she did something like that to you? she basically just said that you weren't enough for her so she had to see other people. I could never ever trust a person like that again. I'm not trying to say you are wrong/stupid/whatever here, just curious. | ||
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KwarK
United States42879 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:57 Hawk wrote: Sucks man, sorry. If it's any consolation, it could be worse. You could have come home to your girlfriend blowing your German Sheppard. She didn't do that for herself, simply because it was necessary to get him ready to perform. Completely different.... | ||
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
But I made the right decision, because everything is cool again :D | ||
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o3.power91
Bahrain5288 Posts
Hope you can get over it... (I don't i would've been able to were i in that position) Anyways congratz on getting accepted into Oxford. Hope it makes you feel better | ||
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Spenguin
Australia3316 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:57 Hawk wrote: Sucks man, sorry. If it's any consolation, it could be worse. You could have come home to your girlfriend blowing your German Sheppard. Fuck man I was just thinking that! | ||
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
On August 04 2008 23:37 Orome wrote: This is probably way too early to try to shove a message down your throat, but abandoning your friends for a girl's never a good idea. Oh trust me I know, I knew before I met her, I felt it during our time together and God knows I feel it now. But like with all things in life (as well as bw = p) it is rarely knowing what to do that is the problem but rather actually doing it. On August 04 2008 23:57 Hawk wrote: Sucks man, sorry. If it's any consolation, it could be worse. You could have come home to your girlfriend blowing your German Sheppard. Haha I remember that story… it was funny I can’t really laugh right now though = pOn August 04 2008 23:58 REDBLUEGREEN wrote: Well I was in a similar situation once although not that hard. It was also my gf cheating on me with one of my best friends but they didn't have sex and I have not caught them in flagranti. When I found out I wanted to smack his face so badly, but I decided not to do so since I practice Kung Fu and I know my teacher would be very disappointed. So I ended of pissing on his car at night 3 times HAHA, it was fun and satisfaction and thats what u need right now :D I was actually quite proud of myself that I didn’t even want to hit him, I sorta regret it now though. As for other means of “vengeance” I doubt it would make me feel better. But maybe I should try it anyway =p And yea, I know I should try to keep myself busy etc but I can’t really think of anything I would be able to concentrate on atm. I suppose I could dig up my old SA songs and go emo for a couple of days. By the way, if anyone else here has been through anything remotely similar, how the “#” did you ever learn to trust anyone again afterwards? And thanks everyone for being optimistic about meeting new people. At least a few of those I met while there for interviews where nice so I guess it could end up ok. | ||
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REDBLUEGREEN
Germany1903 Posts
On August 05 2008 00:48 KlaCkoN wrote: By the way, if anyone else here has been through anything remotely similar, how the “#” did you ever learn to trust anyone again afterwards? grobo just asked the same think. Just believe me it's easy and time alone will help. Given that ur experience was a bit worse i would say 2-3 month. You probably can't imagine that right now, but don't worry man, will be everything cool again soon! | ||
GHOSTCLAW
United States17042 Posts
On August 05 2008 00:48 KlaCkoN wrote: And yea, I know I should try to keep myself busy etc but I can’t really think of anything I would be able to concentrate on atm. I suppose I could dig up my old SA songs and go emo for a couple of days. By the way, if anyone else here has been through anything remotely similar, how the “#” did you ever learn to trust anyone again afterwards? It might seem to obvious seeing where you are, but at least for me- to keep busy I play sc. Something mechanical, and i'm not too worried about losing or getting better. (And then you end up playing ~40 games in a day and realizing that your apm increased from 120 to 150 -_-) For trust...at least for me, my friends took me back afterwards. I found mine to be forgiving, especially since a lot of people have done what you did before. It'll get better. Congrats on going to oxford, and you'll be able to make many many more friends there if you so choose. Getting to a new environment always helps. | ||
jkillashark
United States5262 Posts
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il0seonpurpose
Korea (South)5638 Posts
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
Your situation is terrible but look at it another way. You have leverage in the situation as a guilt machine. She will feel horrible and as soon as you can forgive her she will *most likely* come back to you. girls are bitches dude. btw how old are you? | ||
alffla
Hong Kong20321 Posts
On August 05 2008 01:15 jkillashark wrote: You'll make new friendships in college. Probably genuine ones you'll keep longer because in high school your friendships only came out because of your proximity to those people. You saw them very frequently. In college you'll meet so many people that you can literally weed out the people who have nothing in common with you/jerks. wtf for me its like the reverse cuz i feel that friends i've made from years7-13 were like true friends people that actualyl spent nearly every fuckin minute together from just procrastinating to gaming to school drama classes art studio essay writing all nighters parties proms w/e uni friends are just there for the 3-4 years of uni. and in between every year everyone goes home for whatever months and its not much real contact again. then back to the uni city then its all just a temporary thing to keep everyone entertained until they get back home and to the op sorry to hear that shit it must be hard. go emo then pick urself back up agian :D. and come on man OXFORD WTF!!! damn congratulations man | ||
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nA.Inky
United States794 Posts
Try to see the good in the bad. There are those people who rail at the injustice they see in the universe, and those who celebrate existence itself, the good and the bad. Try to see that what appears awful on the surface is a doorway to something else. This may be a key event that sets you on the path to finding the woman who is really perfect for you. Or maybe no woman is perfect for you, and you'll be better off with serial monogamy, polygamy, or perhaps singlehood. But this is a stepping stone to something else. Remember that pain and struggle can make us stronger and wiser, if we allow it to. It is possible to spend large amounts of time in a state of loneliness. I spent years in loneliness. I still do not have a large amount of friends, and only a couple close friends. Two things about this: 1) you can meet new people and make close friends, but it takes time and patience. Don't make friends just for the sake of making friends. Those friendships are shallow and won't last and won't be meaningful. 2) You may come to realize, as I have, that you aren't a particularly social person, and that you can be as well off in solitude (as opposed to loneliness). This is a shift in perception and goals, realizing that there is pressure to be social, but you are not naturally social and do not need to be social to be happy. Life is in part the process of figuring out what works for you. Last of all, in dealing with painful situations like your girlfriend's betrayal and your breakup with her, it can be helpful to immerse yourself in something demanding and structured. Discipline can be very useful at times like this. But you also have to feel the pain, so face it directly and bravely. | ||
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Terranesque
119 Posts
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Dazed.
Canada3301 Posts
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calgar
United States1277 Posts
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thedeadhaji
39489 Posts
time to stream that sextape with her ooh yeaaa  | ||
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MeriaDoKk
Chile1726 Posts
You should have told them that you had AIDS and that they are pretty much fucked up | ||
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Jathin
United States3505 Posts
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
On August 05 2008 03:47 Jathin wrote: Don't worry you're still young. You'll look back on that shit and say, "Wow, I got screwed. But I am 300% more of a man now thanks to it." At least that's what happened to me and now I feel like I can handle just about anything. Maybe I'll look back and see it as the reason why I feel so emotionally detached, but I very much doubt it will make me feel manly :/ But good for you if you got over it | ||
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thoraxe
United States1449 Posts
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Jathin
United States3505 Posts
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HeavOnEarth
United States7087 Posts
On August 05 2008 03:30 thedeadhaji wrote: you know what time it is? time to stream that sextape with her ooh yeaaa !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! | ||
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boesthius
United States11637 Posts
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lovelyrose
Canada160 Posts
On August 05 2008 00:48 KlaCkoN wrote: By the way, if anyone else here has been through anything remotely similar, how the “#” did you ever learn to trust anyone again afterwards? You have to remember that each person is different in life, you know you aren't an ass, so you gotta hope the other person isn't. If you decide not to trust anyone again, you'll probably find your life a lot worse. If you don't give the next girl you're with the same trust you gave your ex, you may have some problems. You'll probably get screwed again in life, but if you don't trust anyone, it'll make it hard to find a good friend, or find a good girlfriend. You'll probably end up just being bitter. Remember to be as careful as you can be when trusting someone though. Only trust people you think are trust worthy, although like I said, you'll probably get screwed again, and it'll probably hurt. When you finally meet the person that's right for you, you can look back and see this was worth it, unless you aren't the type who wants a long term commitment such as marriage. For now though, find some friends, maybe try calling up your old friends. I'm sure if you did something, you can just apologize and they'll forgive you. Talk to some people online as well, although it's no substitute for RL friends. Play Starcraft, do whatever, get your mind off of it. | ||
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
On August 05 2008 04:46 Jathin wrote: Nah man, trust me, it takes something like this for you to sit down and really re-prioritize your life. You'll start doing things you've always wanted to do (go to the gym, eat healthy, read books you've always wanted to read, improve your general knowledge). Then you'll realize, shit, I'm pretty damn happy even without a girl. And for God knows what reason, girls like that kind of attitude. So may the pussy floodgates open for you, my friend, may the pussy floodgates open. Yea that's the kind of life I had when I met her more or less, so yea you're right obviously but still... shit hurts | ||
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Chef
10810 Posts
Good luck and try not the sweat the past Best thing to do is to occupy your thoughts with how wonderful the future could be. Tell yourself not to be pessimistic and know you can always go up.By the way, if anyone else here has been through anything remotely similar, how the “#” did you ever learn to trust anyone again afterwards? Yeah. You just realise not everyone is a piece of shit and you start reading people better. Just make sure you don't single yourself out as the problem, cause it's never true. Some people just treat everyone that way, and eventually karma will bite them in the ass when they get a taste of their own medicine. You'll take longer than ever before to fully trust someone again, but that's not such a bad thing, because you'll be able to take more time to properly read people, and see who's genuine and who's a snake. The thing is to just be realistic about it. This happened to you because you were innocent and wanted to live in a fantasy world where she would never dream of hurting you... In the future, you'll know to read the facts and understand who is looking out for you and who isn't. | ||
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gg_hertzz
2152 Posts
waiting... And a loosely related story. I was at a barbecue at my brother's friend's place on Sunday, and there was this Asian chick with a very delicious set of tits. Most of the guys were checking her out, even the ones with a girlfriend. Anyway, me, her, her bf(also Asian), and 2 other guys ending up playing poker. I swear she was checking me out the whole night. If only we could find some time alone I'm sure I could have at least gotten a blow job at the very least. | ||
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Hippopotamus
1914 Posts
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Senff
United States360 Posts
On a heavier note, it is hard to trust again. It always is. You get through it by picking and choosing wisely. After one serious breakup, I avoided religious women, and that reaped many benefits. Now I'm married to a model, who is also a mathematician, and I couldn't be more sexed up and in love. | ||
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Agavond
448 Posts
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Night[Mare
Mexico4793 Posts
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Rayzorblade
United States1172 Posts
I'm actually infuriated right now, on your behalf. This is one of the most despicable things two people can do to another person they supposedly care about. I'm really sorry for you man and hope you're doing alright. | ||
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Ghardo
Germany1685 Posts
was the (ex)best friend someone you met through her? for me: i have a core of close friends i would never abandon even if the most stunning girl ever would become my gf.. friendship is just an immeasurable value, stabilizing you even in fucked up times. maybe you have to overthink what a trustworthy friendship/relationship really means/is. I'm VERY cautious to give my trust to someone resulting in a rather small group of close friends (just like 3-4 persons i really trust excluding my family) and me being single atm. This is somehow restrictive but has never faulted me up to now... as someone already said: "don't get bitter", but also learn that in the end you can only trust yourself and all trust you accumulate on other persons just presents a statistical probability. (that doesn't mean i advise versus trust, but the "try and error"-principle can sometimes be prevented if you are very rational about what people really mean to you and how they would act given situation xy - yes i know relationships are seldomly rational, just my idealized blabbering.. but one should at least strive for that) the first thing i thought when reading your post was "i would have shot them both", but that's of course not true. i would just have turned completely cold, left the house and never have communicated with her again (at least not more than "hi, you still have some of my stuff, i'm gonna pick it up at 3 pm. bye."). but that's me. yes, you can be proud of yourself that you acted calm and did nothing ridiculous/humiliating for you. beating him up would have been a clear lesson i guess, sometimes pain is the most impressive demonstration to make someone understand. but well.. you pulled a buddha, even more to be respected. i dunno.. viewed from the outside relationships sometimes look so primitive: they are built on the mutual desire for sex, they are different from a friendship - more and less, and if the core value of sex is not satisfyingly fulfilled they break up or lead to results as in this given situation (yes, cynicism is a great invention). what i want to say: keep in mind that reproduction does not include the guarantee for well-being and "living happy ever after" (sorry for being so direct). get this disney bullshit out of your head. (statistically most of the relationships break up after 3 years when the blindfolding hormone rush decreases.. not very romantic). it always sounds so easy "you have to know how people are really like to trust them".. mostly this goes just by feelings and those can be majorly wrong, but still, one should try to look beyond the facade. in case i only told you things which are obvious to you, my bad.. but maybe it serves you as inspiration in some parts. greets ps: there are of course always exceptions to this cold hearted presentation which i gave and these exceptions are what one should look for. | ||
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johnmaster
125 Posts
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pzeta
Spain106 Posts
I felt so empty... it was like stay with people but i feel alone, and the nights it was the worst part because the bed was empty , and it was much more hard than ever thought! My friends were all with girlfriends and i have got distance to them because i was centered on getting good marks in Computer Science and my girlfriends took all my time, that was a big mistake. After that, I was like asking to everyone who happened the same, to gain some perspective and aliviate pain, but the fact the only way to get better is called time. My personal history is, my girlfriend went with another boy, but i didn't know that and she rejected to tell me the truth, but my intuition told me that and the strange facts seemed to have the same direction, finally my intution was right. My relationship lasted six years, and when it finished i felt six months like a shit, i started to fail subjects, because i couldn't concentrate well on my studies, and if i am honest, in that moment i couldn't study without thinking on her, i got the worst marks ever i've had and i felt betrayed by some people and i felt other of them were a bit interesed. Finally i started to open to other relationships, i took new friends, i got very interesed in what people thinks and do, i always listen to my new friends and search for their good qualities and tell them everything good i could notice. My transformation was starting, so my character towards others too, and i got and Erasmus scolarship where i met other girls, and new good people from diferent country and living with them, parties, traveling a lot... Conclusion: It will make you much more stronger, it can perhaps take one year or two, but i can attest that this experience will make you different person and will give you a new vision and a strong experience, althought the process probably will be hard. If you want to speak with me through msn, send me a PM. Good luck !!! + Show Spoiler + I think this is not relevant but i have been this past year in Erasmus program in Sweden (Lulea) , she was really good girl but this time i decide to cut with her because the distance and i didn't want to live in sweden because i felt north people(swedish luleans) are a bit cold and some of them seem to have fear to speak with foreigners. | ||
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johnmaster
125 Posts
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semioldguy
United States7488 Posts
You always have the power to walk away, sometimes it just has to be done. | ||
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Mastermind
Canada7096 Posts
Losing a woman always sucks and the way you lost yours is really bad. It'll suck for awhile, then you will get over the slut and move on. Good luck man. | ||
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Hypnosis
United States2061 Posts
On August 05 2008 07:18 Sins wrote: This might cheer you up, and try to attempt it as well. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAAK-S9kSLw lol!! i know exactly what im going to do! | ||
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KlaCkoN
Sweden1661 Posts
And funny thing is, sex was the thing holding our realationship together throughout all the tougher periods we faced =p. Right up until the end the sex was great, it was other things that didn't really work. Like her beeing sort of unable to cope with the fact that I was going to spend half the year away from her. And no I still want to belive in fairy tales, I refuse to accept that there might be no happy ending ever =p. Hm actually me saying that gotta be a healthy sign. @ senff She wasn't religious at all so I doubt that will work for me, or maybe it means that I should start looking for ultra religious girls haha. @pzeta Thanks for your story. It is similar to mine in many ways. @others saying nice stuff. Thanks a lot for your time, I really do appreciate it. | ||
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Ghardo
Germany1685 Posts
On August 06 2008 09:11 KlaCkoN wrote: @ ghardo And funny thing is, sex was the thing holding our realationship together throughout all the tougher periods we faced =p. Right up until the end the sex was great, it was other things that didn't really work. Like her beeing sort of unable to cope with the fact that I was going to spend half the year away from her. And no I still want to belive in fairy tales, I refuse to accept that there might be no happy ending ever =p. Hm actually me saying that gotta be a healthy sign. i can hardly prove my point so i won't elaborate on that, but i don't see a contradiction. sex held your relationship together, i said sex is a core value. you said sex was great right up until the end, still she chose to share that with another man - how come? you will be going away, what will she lack then? ... i see my arguing will prolly hurt you and it's pointless now trying to determine what caused what as - after all - it was just a hypothesis of mine. i can only support you in your pursuit of happiness and that's also what i tried to express in my very last sentence after some brutal and seemingly pessimistic pondering. whatever concept you choose, don't stop looking for new opportunities and if they are there, go ahead and grab them. the probability of not ever finding someone who fits together with you is so relatively small that one can be quite at ease and optimistic / open for the future. and yes, you seem to be rather steady after what has happened to you - congrats  greets | ||
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