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I fucked things up with a girl by being too nice.
We'll call her Evie. Long story short, I see her three times, and on the third she tells me "I like someone" (which I initially take to mean she's gay, but not so). She wants to hang out though, if we're just friends.
My analysis: I'm too fucking nice. I've been nice to her, conversation flows, and I've invariably damned myself to the category of just friends.
There's something I'm lacking that will mov eme over the category, but what is it, and how can I get myself out of the purgatory of just friends and convince her that it's me that she wants instead of random guy?
I need to stop being so fuckign nice,b ut I don't really know what that means, and getting out of the first impression of nice guy is going to be a bitch. Tell me it isn't hopeless.
A ton of background.
I met Evie at a coffeeshop one Saturday night. I told her I liked her dress (a pretty little thing with sailor print, short enough to keep you interested, long enough to let you know she would make you pay for every inch). She smiled at me. That's it.
One week later, Thursday. I'm sitting in a theatre waiting to watch a movie, and my oh my who walks in the door? A pretty face I remember! Her eyes scan the crowd and light up when they land on yours truly.
"You look awfully familiar," I say.
"The poetry slam," she dashes back without hesitation.
We begin talking, she's lived in Germany and Ireland, has the cutest accent. The movie starts and I frankly can't really pay attention. Afterwards we're talking and it turns out our tastes in movies and music are essentially identical. Good, right?
The movie ends at 9:00 and we talk until 11:00 before she finally relizes the lateness of the hour. We embrace, and I say, "Do . . . I . . . can . . . Do you think I could call you some time." A rocky start, I know, but the words sounded strong when they finally came out.
"Of course!" I'm feeling pretty fucking good, nine digits in my pocket.
Hokay! I call her on Saturday. She's out of town. Hokay. She sounds genuinely happy I called her, oddly ending the brief phone conversation with "Thank you," Odd, yes indeed.
I call her next Thursday. She thinks we can get together this weekend. Great! Doesn't happen though, though again when I call her she ends the conversation with Thank You. It strikes me as incredibly bizarre.
Finally, a month later, I'm afraid whatever was there will have simply evaporated. We sit next to each other in the same movie theatre (on university campus, right). We end up talking afterwards and it's going swimmingly. In a bit of foreshadowing, I wrap my arm around her shoulders (it's rather cold outside) and she shies away.
Asking her to get together sometime in the near future elicits the devastating response that she doesn't want anything romantic out of it.
Fucking brilliant.
 
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I think she only gave you her number in order to be polite (a lot of women do this), especially considering she essentially blew you off two times in a row thereafter. In addition, her final response only seems to confirm this.
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The hard truth -_-
I want a second opinion
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On March 08 2008 02:39 Rayzorblade wrote:
I think she only gave you her number in order to be polite (a lot of women do this), especially considering she essentially blew you off two times in a row thereafter. In addition, her final response only seems to confirm this.
this is right
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A caveat: this doesn't mean that she doesn't like you, it may just mean that she doesn't want to be romantically involved with someone right now, or any other number of possibilities. Don't begin to think that you "screwed this up" or get down on yourself or something like that - on the contrary, from the way you describe it, it sounds as though everything went well.
But you can't go on assuming (though naturally you will) that "something" is wrong with how you handled the situation.
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Belgium6776 Posts
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taaaaaaakkkkeeeee yyyooouuurrr tttiiiimmmeeeee........
rushing anything never works. be consistant, but not overbearing. there's probably a lot you don't know! good luck though.
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On March 08 2008 02:52 LeafHouse wrote:
taaaaaaakkkkeeeee yyyooouuurrr tttiiiimmmeeeee........
rushing anything never works. be consistant, but not overbearing. there's probably a lot you don't know! good luck though.
Terrible advice, no offense.
Taking my time in this situation is only going to move me solidly into the friend category
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On March 08 2008 02:56 GeneralStan wrote:Show nested quote +On March 08 2008 02:52 LeafHouse wrote:
taaaaaaakkkkeeeee yyyooouuurrr tttiiiimmmeeeee........
rushing anything never works. be consistant, but not overbearing. there's probably a lot you don't know! good luck though. Terrible advice, no offense. Taking my time in this situation is only going to move me solidly into the friend category
Um, you're already stuck there solidly, bud.
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You shoulda just said ohhhhhhh baby i likee it rawwwwwwwwwwww
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Taking your time isn't the best advice either. You're right, though, you were too nice, and that's not good when you need to build attraction from the start. Your story was pretty detailed, so I'll nitpick where I can from experience:
- You immediately threw out a compliment when you met her (something 99% of guys do, so she just smiled), instead of busting on her for maybe being in the navy with her sailor shorts.
- You had another chance of busting on her at the movies, like insisting on the fact that if she wanted to see you she could have just called you in the first place, instead of stalking you and seeking you out in the night. Anything to challenge her. Instead you talked for 2 hours after the movie then let her end the meeting. In my own experience you have to escalate things quickly by being exciting/interesting to her, cocky, funny, and different from every other joe shmo to generate interest from her.
Forget about this one now that you're in the friends category. There are plenty of girls in college. But hey, at least you spoke to a girl, got a number (somehow), and learned through doing.
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rofl, thats the saddest story ive ever read
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read neill strauss' "The Game". good book, im finishing it now.
its about the community of pickup artists.
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On March 08 2008 04:50 Jathin wrote:
I used to be a nice guy. But then something happened and I've become the cockiest bastard ever. I've gotten at least 600% more women since that happened though. Problem is I can't stop myself from being a cocky bastard now, even when I *try* to be modest.
lifes a bitch 
Ah, I think you made a good start by making her smile, but I think if she was into you aswell she could have done something to get a third "date"... Having you call her 3 times before even getting to meet her isn't giving the right signs...
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On March 08 2008 04:50 Jathin wrote:
I used to be a nice guy. But then something happened and I've become the cockiest bastard ever. I've gotten at least 600% more women since that happened though. Problem is I can't stop myself from being a cocky bastard now, even when I *try* to be modest.
Shit man same here. It's funny isn't it.
Being such a nice guy barely get you anything thesedays.
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On March 08 2008 02:39 Rayzorblade wrote:
I think she only gave you her number in order to be polite (a lot of women do this), especially considering she essentially blew you off two times in a row thereafter. In addition, her final response only seems to confirm this.
Winnar
Move on, but don't lose the digits and just stay friendly. Go vulture status and swoop in after she's done with her bf =]
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dude i lost a girl like this. apparently being nice sucks. and the worst thing is that i dont think i ever wanted anybody more than i wanted her - i'm really confused and i don't seem to find an answer to this one - my advice is to stick around even as a friend. you never know when she'll need a shoulder to cry on - after that it will be your time.
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Girls suck. If you want to treat them how you feel like treating them, you're "just a friend". If you use methods to pick them up, you feel depressed for takin advantage.
It's a fact of life.
of course, there are girls out there who will be interested in nice guys. Those are the ones that are "keepers", ppl you know won't cheat on you, etc., and that you can always count on.
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I really don't want to learn the Game, but this episode makes me realize that I have no choice, because what Yosh said makes sense.
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HonestTea
5007 Posts
NO you can be nice and enter her life as a romantic prospect.
You don't have to be a cocky asshole to ensure things go to the next level.
Now, it'll take some time, and more than anything else you are responsible for making it clear that you are interested in her romantically in those early stages, and that her being with you is a good idea for her. While being nice. You just have to learn how to do this.
Pickup Podcast and The Game have some nice ideas and tips, but don't forget who you are. Pick up the tips that make sense to you but stay true to yourself. Don't fuck with the entire program. Learn to be nice and still get the ladies. It will come.
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It's okay. Bisu still loves you.
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On March 08 2008 11:19 GeneralStan wrote:
I really don't want to learn the Game, but this episode makes me realize that I have no choice, because what Yosh said makes sense.
you dont have to learn it if you dont want to, but do read the book.
It seems so shallow at times, i actually felt like not reading it anymore. But i did read it and the ending is actually optimistic IMO.
All you need to do is really love yourself and realize that if you just be your 'best self' people will love you as well.
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EPT
