Thanks everyone for your replies in the previous thread, but I will only reply to a few of them because this newest part changed everything.
First I have to clarify some things:
- She considers me as a close friend, we talked about all kinds of things whenever we hung out. She said she had never had such talks with a guy friend. (well I guess this is what the "frienzone" means...). I THINK she still has some respect for me, or maybe she's just really nice to people and don't want to lose a close guy friend who lives in the city. She's also said before that she "don't want to treat people who are nice to me badly".
- She is not pretty, I just find her cute and she has a calming, sweet personality. She works as a Physics teacher for high schoolers in a private center. No, she doesn't like physics, it was just the only department she could get into with her college scores.
So she actually kept the promise and went out for coffee with me. We had a super long conversation where she revealed pretty much everything she had been hiding before. Here are some I can remember:
- She was looking not very happy, but I went ahead with my plan and accused her of being a "terrible friend" because she never initiated contact with me. She was like "well, so be it. I AM a bad person. I made my mother cry".
I tried to ask her why, but she wouldn't say and switched the topic to asking about me. I told her about my family's situation, which is quite a mess since we are running out of money to support my brother who's in high school. I give some of my salary to my dad but it doesn't seem to be enough. She also told me I should "open up" more to people (I got a new job two months ago and have been quite un-talkative to people in my company. She probably found out about it through a mutual friend).
I don't remember exactly when I did this during the whole thing, but I did ask to be her bf instead of just a friend. She just kept staring into the empty, dark waterfall below us.
We talked about life and stuff, she said she never initiated contact with other people because she didn't want to bother them, and she also didn't like asking questions because it felt like she was interrogating them. I'm a massive introvert myself but I still told her she was wrong.
She told me I shouldn't criticize and should give more attention to people, but after some back-and-forth discussion she admitted she was wrong for lying yesterday.
I eventually got her to tell me what happened with her mom. So a few days ago she went to the countryside to see her family, and saw (or heard from someone else) that her mom cried. The reason was that she felt bad for her daughter having to send all the money she worked hard for to her family and couldn't spend any of it like other people.
I knew her family was poor but didn't expect it to be this bad. She has to support her sister's son whose father fled because of debt. And apparently her salary is not enough to support the family, despite it being pretty good for a fresh graduate (her parents also work but don't make much). She even wanted to die so people would give funeral money to her family. I of course talked some sense into her, that it wasn't her fault that her mother cried etc. She said she only tell these things to me because she knows I won't tell anyone. She just doesn't like sharing family issues.
- She asked me how many girls I've went out with since moving to a new company (none, I don't even talk to anyone except the girl next to me). I fumbled around and eventually told her the truth. She asked me if the reason the reason I kept chasing her was because she kept rejecting me, and refused even though it had some truth to it. She then told me I should try to talk to other girls and said "are you gonna wait for me until I get married??? I don't want you to miss out on other girls because of me." I stubbornly kept saying she was a special girl who wasn't an airhead like many others and that I liked everything about her etc.
There was actually a moment when she surrendered and said "well okay, but I do have standards for my boyfriend". Then she listed five things that she wanted me to do: be cleaner (my hair was long and probably greasy), be more forgiving, act more like a gentleman and work hard. I agreed even though there's no way to say I can do ANY of those (except cutting my hair). The only things I'm good at are English and computer stuff (and have a cute face).
I can't remember what we talked about after that, but on our way home I asked her about her colleagues and heard some interesting stuff:
- The guy in the Physics department with her recently broke up with his girlfriend (she and that guy are the only two people in the Physics room. And he's pretty much the only guy in her life (except me) that she can get with, other people in her company are high schoolers and female teachers, and one guy who has sworn not to date anyone). She now "doesn't know what to do" (as in not sure if she should start something with him). She also said something like "yeah you should stop chasing me, I might fall for him someday!". She told me she didn't have feelings for him despite him being very nice to her (not in a romantic way), but I think she's thinking about it, since she asked me why his ex-gf was still commenting on his Facebook posts when they've already broken up. I told her maybe they had an amicable break up. Not that I know shit about relationships haha. Then I asked if that guy liked her, she said "it's not that simple. There's nothing to like about me!". She said something like "I saw some people get into relationships so easily", I said "well, there are people who take a very long time to do so", and she said "no, I don't want to be one of those!"
Then we got to her house (she lives on the first floor, it's a girl-only house). I wrote in my notes (yes I wrote a whole script for today) that I must get physical contacts with her, otherwise everything will go back to normal tomorrow, so even though things went terribly off-script, I still asked her to give me a hug (which is a big deal in my country). She said no immediately. I kept making up reasons, and she kept rejecting. Her reason was that I would keep thinking about her if I hugged her. Then she said "okay, but after hugging we will cut all contacts with each other". I made some excuses but she didn't break. Then I eventually gave up and decided to stay friends. Before leaving I asked why she doesn't like me. She said "I feel like we're not compatible... I'm not attracted to you. Also the things I said I wanted you to do, those are what I don't like about you".
She waited until I left to close the door and nodded with a smile when I waved goodbye. Such a sweet girl, and I'm just annoying her because of my immature ass.
I felt so bad that when I got home I texted her:
Me: Sorry, I was too childish.
Her: You should go and have a rest.
Me: Yeah, good night. Don't forget to sleep at 00:30 (we talked about the REM sleep cycles thingy, and I calculated the best time for her to go to bed was 00:30 since she gets up at 6:50).
Her: I have to do some work so I'll probably won't make it. Good night.
Me: Sorry for being so stubborn back then. I'll go ahead and sleep first.
All her texts were calm and polite, but it's hard to translate the tone to English.
What the lessons here are pretty obvious: I need to work harder, be more sociable and change quite a few things about myself. Also don't skip the "attraction" step with the next girl.
But what should I do about her? I care about her even more now after today. I work for a big education company (just a normal employee though) so I might be able to help her teaching job in some ways, but it will be like once a month. Should I keep talking to her or just leave her be?
P.S. I used to dislike her because of her innocent, "soft" way of talking, but now I realize they're precious treasures.
P.S.S. It seems like I should totally stop texting her, but there's still one thing I need to send her. It's an article about tips for eating at street shops which she does everyday. I don't wanna see her get sick or worse from eating at those street shops.