EPTKnow little things added up on top of his major stress which led him to act like hostile to you. That's my best guess.
My Asshole Roommate - Page 2
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parkufarku
882 Posts
Know little things added up on top of his major stress which led him to act like hostile to you. That's my best guess. | ||
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Cynry
810 Posts
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iSometric
2221 Posts
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16702 Posts
![[image loading]](http://www.schizophrenia.com/photos/szage.onset.gif) i always got my own room and lived off campus. campus life is a commie fantasy land. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On March 04 2016 01:20 Cynry wrote: Dude fucking broke his tv, spied into OP's private life, lied to a police officer about it, and here you are trying to find what OP did wrong about it. Well, you may be right, but I don't think it is relevant right now... Yea, there is no doubt that what his roommate did is quite wrong and fucked up. Nothing really justifies the kind of shit he did. However, it's still can be good to look at the situation and try to understand why it happened. Something like the laughter issue could have many causes; maybe the OP actually was giggling at night in his sleep, maybe the roomate is struggling with something, knows his laughter is wierd, but can't help himself...and then reading about how it was wierd struck a nerve and engraged him further. Could be lots of little things that from the OPs perspective were him trying to be curteous, but roommate is one of those people that just says okay even though he is actually not happy about it. None of this is justification for the behavior we saw, and it may be there wasn't a tremendous amount the OP ought to have done differently...but it's always good to try and best understand why a bad situation arose in the first place. On March 04 2016 03:10 JimmyJRaynor wrote: i always got my own room and lived off campus. campus life is a commie fantasy land. To each his own I guess. I had a really good time living on campus the two years I did. No real problems and lots of good times, not to mention a really nice environment for making all kinds of easy friends. It definitely was nice though after two years to move out and have my own place with a few good friends after that though. | ||
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Epishade
United States2267 Posts
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Cynry
810 Posts
On March 04 2016 06:20 L_Master wrote: Yea, there is no doubt that what his roommate did is quite wrong and fucked up. Nothing really justifies the kind of shit he did. However, it's still can be good to look at the situation and try to understand why it happened. Something like the laughter issue could have many causes; maybe the OP actually was giggling at night in his sleep, maybe the roomate is struggling with something, knows his laughter is wierd, but can't help himself...and then reading about how it was wierd struck a nerve and engraged him further. Could be lots of little things that from the OPs perspective were him trying to be curteous, but roommate is one of those people that just says okay even though he is actually not happy about it. None of this is justification for the behavior we saw, and it may be there wasn't a tremendous amount the OP ought to have done differently...but it's always good to try and best understand why a bad situation arose in the first place. I do agree with you, really, but looking back at something is good to do when said thing is actually "back". And considering how his roommate is behaving, it may just be the start. Sounds to me like you haven't dealt with crazy before. Regardless if this is true or not, I know I have, quite a few actually, girlfriends, closest friend, friend's girlfriend. There's nothing reason can do at this point, and IT CAN GET DANGEROUS. I'm going all caps here because this can't be stressed enough. Real danger, life at risk, etc. It's not about justifying anything at this point, it's about keeping yourself and your loved one safe. | ||
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L_Master
United States8017 Posts
On March 04 2016 06:44 Cynry wrote: I do agree with you, really, but looking back at something is good to do when said thing is actually "back". And considering how his roommate is behaving, it may just be the start. Sounds to me like you haven't dealt with crazy before. Regardless if this is true or not, I know I have, quite a few actually, girlfriends, closest friend, friend's girlfriend. There's nothing reason can do at this point In terms of resolution of the current situation, couldn't agree more. Only good for self learning. On March 04 2016 06:44 Cynry wrote: IT CAN GET DANGEROUS. I'm going all caps here because this can't be stressed enough. Real danger, life at risk, etc. It's not about justifying anything at this point, it's about keeping yourself and your loved one safe. Here too, can't agree more. I haven't personally dealt with crazy, but I've seen it once or twice with friends enough to know that in the right (wrong?) situations things can get dangerously fucked up, in the most literal sense. Getting out is absolutely the number one priority. If anyone gave advice to wait to get out until after the OP has attempted to reflect on or work through the issue with the roommate, I'd say that's absolutely not advice to follow right now. Guy seems mad enough/unhinged enough/crazy enough that it needs to be taken seriously. | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16702 Posts
On March 04 2016 06:20 L_Master wrote: To each his own I guess. I had a really good time living on campus the two years I did. No real problems and lots of good times, not to mention a really nice environment for making all kinds of easy friends. It definitely was nice though after two years to move out and have my own place with a few good friends after that though. i went to a co-op school so i was never in the city where i went to university for more than 4 months at a time. the vast majority of my classmates came from 2-parent families and nice big suburban houses. their parents paid for everything. i came from a single parent family in a poor neighbourhood. i paid for everything. i didn't really fit in and i used university as an avenue to finding a good job and launching my career. i found these "university buddies" acted like they were best pals... until something was on the line and then they'd sell their "best pal" down the river for ten cents. On March 04 2016 06:44 Cynry wrote: Sounds to me like you haven't dealt with crazy before. during young adulthood many males go from normal to not normal as the chart i posted indicates. using the term "crazy" adds an unnecessary subjective and emotional component to this already difficult issue. i'd avoid repeated use of the term. probably nothing wrong with using it while brainstorming up solutions though. | ||
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cha0
Canada504 Posts
On March 04 2016 06:29 Epishade wrote: So I just got a message from my girlfriend now that she received a nasty message from a stranger on facebook. Fml Wild guess but he is probably posting her photos online on some forum and giving them her facebook and maybe yours as well. Also how much of your history would have been on teamliquid? Because if he saw that and comes on here and sees this blog he probably would flip out even more. | ||
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Cynry
810 Posts
On March 04 2016 09:57 JimmyJRaynor wrote: during young adulthood many males go from normal to not normal as the chart i posted indicates. using the term "crazy" adds an unnecessary subjective and emotional component to this already difficult issue. i'd avoid repeated use of the term. probably nothing wrong with using it while brainstorming up solutions though. Oh, you're absolutely right. Sorry if it hurt anyone, it actually is a very emotional thing for me so I didn't quite realized that it could. Also how much of your history would have been on teamliquid? Because if he saw that and comes on here and sees this blog he probably would flip out even more. Those a very good points o0 | ||
BigFan
TLADT24920 Posts
Second, you should've probably just tried to work things out originally. Maybe you should've just tried to explain to him that you were concerned about his mental state. Situation probably wouldn't have escalated anywhere to close to what it is now if you had just protected your valuable information from the start. Either way, what's done is done. I would've recommended that you talk to him about your concerns before he found out about the messages but that can't be helped now. I agree with some of the other comments. It's probably best that you two don't speak to each other so that both of you are calmer. | ||
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FFGenerations
7088 Posts
you need to go straight to your head of school and get him involved. this isn't a matter for some hall of residence woman.... you need to make it very clear to the most authoritative person you can grab that this guy is acting extremely dangerously and you have been afraid for your life. NOT ONLY THAT, BUT HE HAS BEEN PHYSICALLY VIOLENT WHICH YOU HAVE PROOF OF AND HE IS GOING THROUGH YOUR SECURE ACCOUNTS. EITHER OF THESE THINGS ARE GROUNDS FOR EXPULSION FROM SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!! you need to report this directly to your head of school , there is a very high liklihood of being a danger to himself and to others and you have a responsibility to make sure that someone who has the authority is correctly notified and does something about it | ||
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Linear
60 Posts
On March 04 2016 01:02 Cynry wrote: Talking about things that concern you to your loved one ? Nothing wrong or weird about that... That laugh.... Oh boy.... But some do. I can't figure out the word for this, but it is a psychological term, when you always were psychotic, but never snapped enough for it to show up. Stress, drugs, all factors that can suddenly make someone "reveal" its inner fuckupery. It's not that this person was willingly hiding it, the disease ('cause that's what it is) just never was really detectable. I have a friend like that, dude was pretty much normal, until he spent a week injecting cocaine to himself. That made him snap, and turns out he was bipolar. It was always in him, he just never reached the critical point where the illness took over. But it definitely took over him, he lost his girlfriend, his work, everything, ended up in a mental health institute and never has been the same since. I'm not saying for sure that's what's happening here, but it is something real. Some people are just timebombs waiting for the right context to loose it. And you don't want to be around when it happens. In the examples you said there's still factors at play for the person to snap, meaning they've not just turned crazy, something has happened in order for them to change that drastically. I have only met one person who's mood changed for no discernible reason, and that person was genuinely the most frightening person I have ever met and I lived with him at a boarding school. (He's now somewhere for the criminally insane) On March 04 2016 00:49 Epishade wrote: At the end of last semester, he hurt him arm in a way where he wasn't able to take his tests, which meant he had to take them after we returned from Christmas break in January. When we got back, I asked him how his arm was, and he said it was still hurting, and that he was going to be stopping smoking weed, eating meat, and drinking coffee, because he thought it might make his arm heal more. He also told me that he tried to move out of his room for financial reasons and to take a semester off to let his arm heal, but he missed the deadline to withdraw and so now he was stuck with his room choice. I'd often hear him early in the morning on the phone with his parents sounding very stressed out about the situation. I think he stressed out so much he snapped and broke into my room and looked at my messages. There's really nothing I did maliciously against him prior to this. I always let him use my printer for free whenever he asked, I'd invited him to play video games with me a couple of times out in the common area (he declined always). I asked him if it bothered him when I had my girlfriend over before, and he said no. I even warned him the day before that I'd be having her over whenever I did. I wasn't loud at night, my computer doesn't have speakers and I exclusively use headphones, meanwhile he's blasting music/game sounds from his speakers. He says I was singing, but I've never sung in my dorm. And he also said I was laughing late at night and keeping him up, but I have no idea what that's about either. He slams doors in the middle of the night when using the bathroom, while I closed mine quietly and respectfully. I also kept my room open and said hi to him whenever he came back, whereas whenever I came back, it was always to his closed door and him being by himself. Idk what his problem was. I talked to my girlfriend on facebook everyday, and so I'd usually give her the update on roommate situation, which I found at the time to be sorta annoying and disappointing, but acceptable. Then he broke in that one day and read all my messages about me telling my girlfriend about him and broke my tv and sent us both nasty messages. I mean, you might think it was a little weird for me to be keeping track of him to my girlfriend, but we tell each other everything, and in confidential conversations. Plus, he seemed like he was really losing it, so I would tell my girlfriend what I thought about his current state. Things which he would never have known had he not broken into my room and looked at my messages. I also did record his maniacal laughter, from the first part of my story, which happened around 7AM or so. Afterwards he said to himself, "Yeah you like that you fucking idiot?" Maybe he was referring to me in retrospect? Idk. It's scary as shit though. + Show Spoiler + That really bit makes me feel like a misunderstanding has taken place between you, but I could just be reading into your writing too much. Couple of questions, was the room to your door shut but not locked or was it slightly open or even fully open? Secondly with the computer was the screen likely to have been on and with facebook either open or active in a tab? Does he ever when he's about to leave knock on your door or poke his head round to say he's leaving? Let me paint a different picture. For lack of name I will call your roommate "Crazy" Crazy gets up to leave his room and go to a class or wherever he needs to be, as per usual he knocks on your slightly ajar door to say he's going, as he pokes his head round the corner of your door he sees facebook up on your computer screen. He deliberates whether to take a look but because of his fragile mental state/paranoia he decides to see if anything is said about him. The chain of messages with your girlfriend is open, he sees lots of talk about him with things that were said to you in confidence being shared to a third party. This tips crazy into being crazy, he punches your screen and paces around your room wondering what to do about it. He decides to see if he can find any leverage against you and starts to search your facebook for anything incriminating. Now if set out like this (albeit being as favorable to crazy as possible) you can see that each of his actions is a direct consequence of another circumstance, making him less crazy and more fragile/unstable. His laughter is strange but it's not what I would call crazy, there's a comedown of the laugh at the end, it's not an abrupt ending not to mention the echo of a bathroom environment can distort the sound a bit. Think of the amount of times something hilarious happened like 5 minutes ago and when you think about it again you can't help but to laugh. On March 04 2016 03:10 JimmyJRaynor wrote: schizophrenia hits at a certain specific age and in a matter of months a person goes from pretty normal to needing constant medication. Schiz hits really hard at 19, 20, and 21. i always got my own room and lived off campus. campus life is a commie fantasy land. I think you're probably correct. OP mentioned that the guy smoked weed, and with lots of underlying mental disorders weed can be a strong trigger for schizophrenia. (Part of the reason I've not touched the stuff) On March 04 2016 06:29 Epishade wrote: So I just got a message from my girlfriend now that she received a nasty message from a stranger on facebook. Fml I would recommend changing all settings to private or friends only for the time being. On March 04 2016 11:06 Cynry wrote: Oh, you're absolutely right. Sorry if it hurt anyone, it actually is a very emotional thing for me so I didn't quite realized that it could. Those a very good points o0 As someone who has more than once been referred to as crazy I don't think that it's anything to be PC about, crazy as a word roughly means: Someone who is acting in an unpredictable and aggressive manner. Which in this situation I think sums up the person pretty well. Personally I think the best course of action would be to contact his parents and either have a face to face conversation or a skype call you want to be able to convey the emotions effectively. Your roommate obviously values them if he talks to them on a frequent basis even if it's for stressful calls. You probably want to get them to investigate his mental health. (Which may be a struggle as I can imagine it would be costly in the US) You've already escalated the situation (which I wouldn't have recommended) there's little negative to going further and contacting his parents. I would also use a program like tineye to scour the internet for those photos. (Side point if any of them were taken when you or your gf were under 18 you can get him with a hefty sentence for distributing child pornography) | ||
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Zambrah
United States7297 Posts
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QuanticHawk
United States32053 Posts
if your school has its own 'police' might want to go give a call to whatever is the local cops and stress the physical violence etc | ||
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JimmyJRaynor
Canada16702 Posts
On March 04 2016 11:06 Cynry wrote: Oh, you're absolutely right. Sorry if it hurt anyone, it actually is a very emotional thing for me so I didn't quite realized that it could. Those a very good points o0 no probs man.. like i alluded to in my post .. during "brainstorming sessions" its totally cool to just express urself in an uncensored way. and the tone of your post seemed like it was "brainstorming" as opposed to some kind of sober/accurate assessment of his condition. | ||
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Disregard
China10252 Posts
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JieXian
Malaysia4677 Posts
Honestly I think parkufarku has a very good point On March 04 2016 01:04 parkufarku wrote: He does sound stressed but it also does sound like you could've triggered it a little. Like using headphones and laughing, I'm sure you could've done it unknowingly. And when a person says "no I'm not bothered" when you ask "is it cool if I have my GF over?", he could be annoyed but what is a person supposed to say "yes I'm bothered?" Know little things added up on top of his major stress which led him to act like hostile to you. That's my best guess. I mean he might be 100% nuts but I seriously think he's probably less so and his "politeness", passivity and passive aggressive behaviour coupled with your possible insensitivity over a long time might have tipped him over. I am not saying this out of any malice but rather because the information might be useful for you in the future. I am personally interested in your reflection on this matter too. I can see from the search query for the keywords in your FB, by the way he was spelling things that he was definitely at an unstable state (probably due to anger). People in that state do things that they wouldn't do normally. | ||
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QuanticHawk
United States32053 Posts
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