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It might be stupid to post a blog about this but this isn't something I've really talked to anyone about and memories of this have been keeping me awake at night as of lately. It's probably a little fucked up so if you'd prefer not to read that kind of thing now is probably the time to stop reading.
This happened during my first year of highschool, I was living at my mother's place at the time and because she's sick with MS we always had homecare workers in and out of the house to help maintain the house and help my mother out. One of the workers was a highschool student on her last year of highschool working there part time. I don't really know how she got the job because I don't think somebody from highschool would be allowed to have such a job so perhaps something iffy was going on there, I don't know. I'm pretty sure she was introduced to the job by somebody else that was working as homecare at the house at the time.
Anyways, I was new to highschool and I didn't really have any friends there so when she was friendly towards me I wanted to be friends with her. The first time we had talked she was taking a break while on the house computer using msn to chat with a friend and somebody had written to her "lol". She noticed I was there and I asked her what "lol" meant and she told me to guess. I took a moment trying to figure out what combination of words would work to make "lol" and ended up guessing "lots of love" she laughed at me and then ended up going "awww" afterwards. I felt a bit embarrassed for having gotten it wrong but I think she found the mistake a bit endearing. We got talking and she showed me some weird video online, I think it was supposed to be funny but I didn't like it very much. Still though I enjoyed her showing me the video because I'd been feeling pretty lonely at the time and I was just happy to be talking to somebody around my own age (well closer to my own age anyways). She wasn't very good looking and she was a bit overweight, I didn't mind it too much I guess because I was only ever interested in her as a friend anyways, besides she seemed like a nice enough person.
At other times she'd often sit next to me on the couch (my mother began to notice she was sitting pretty close to me on the couch), I just took it as friendliness but I did begin to wonder a little bit. Often when other people were over they began to get the impression that there was something going on between us (they kind of hinted at it in various ways) but I just kind of shrugged it off. I knew she was already seeing other people so I really didn't think she would be interested in me that way. Eventually though, she began to mention the kinds of sexual things she was doing with other people and it was becoming clear that she was very promiscuous (she mentioned how she was giving some guy blowjobs...) . I really didn't want to hear about this... She started suggesting doing things like making out and such and I would always just avoid it... I had begun to avoid her and distance myself from her in general because I really didn't like where things were headed.
Anyways one day she had to stay over for the night and the only room with another bed for her to use was in the bedroom I was using at the time. I took the bed near the wall and she took the one in the center of the room, I just lay down on my side facing the wall trying to avoid her as much as I could given the situation. The lights were out and she started talking to me, I didn't really respond much and just answered as minimally as possible staying quiet for the most part. Then she suggested masturbating in the same room together and had started to do so herself, it made me really uncomfortable and I really had no idea how to even react... she wanted me to turn around and masturbate with her and kept pushing for it for a while but I wouldn't do it (I definitely didn't want to turn around and see this and I definitely wasn't about to get off with her). I think she ended up assuming that I wouldn't turn around but that I had started participating...(I wasn't responding to her or saying anything...) She kept asking me if she was turning me on and I couldn't even say anything at this point... I had just completely frozen. She eventually finished up and then went to sleep... I just lay on my side silently while awake, it took me a very long time before I eventually fell asleep.
The next morning when I woke up she had already left, later on in the evening she had come back for her shift as homecare. I ran into her when she was doing laundry, I noticed she was doing the bedroom sheets... I wanted to say something or do something to somehow get across I really don't want to do this sort of thing with her but... I wasn't sure what to say and when I tried to say something she responded really curtly cutting me off before I could really say anything... So I just left to another part of the house and avoided her for the rest of the day. maybe she realized from laundering the sheets that I didn't participate the night before.
The next time she was working I had gone to the kitchen to get some food and she was there... I don't even remember the conversation or how it started but she started arguing with me. I'd left the room and I was retreating upstairs and she started to follow me yelling at me along the way. I locked myself in the upstairs bathroom and she started slamming on the door and screaming, I told her to go away but she just kept getting even more extreme. I started to get really scared and stressed out about what she was gonna do. She eventually stopped and went back downstairs and I quickly went into the room across from the bathroom and grabbed a wireless phone and went back into the bathroom to call the police. She'd heard from the lower floor that I had left the bathroom and was immediately back upstairs trying to get in again. She realized I was on the phone and was screaming at me to get off the phone. Eventually the police arrived and they had come upstairs to verify what was going on. I was a nervous wreck at this point, my hands were uncontrollably shaking and my breathing was all messed up. I told them how she was screaming and banging on the door trying to get in and wasn't leaving and so they escorted her away.
Later on I'd heard through another person that she had flipped the story around and claimed that I had locked her into a bathroom (which didn't even make sense because none of the bathrooms in the house even locked that way). I never did have to see her again (thank god) but I did hear about her from others from time to time. Apparently she did lose weight and changed in appearance (better looking supposedly) and became more popular. I doubt she's changed much in the other regards though. I never did tell anyone else about that night where she masturbated in the same room as me, well until now I guess. That's a night I'd really rather forget ever happened.
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Stepping out and talking about it is a very good first step; My feeling is that there are a lot of hidden dynamics going on whitin yourself, that this story brought more awareness about.
what i can suggest is to get professional help in getting over this story and not let it keep you awake at nights anymore.
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On October 05 2015 23:48 pebble444 wrote:
Stepping out and talking about it is a very good first step; My feeling is that there are a lot of hidden dynamics going on whitin yourself, that this story brought more awareness about.
what i can suggest is to get professional help in getting over this story and not let it keep you awake at nights anymore.
Well I did manage to at least pass out after I posted this but as for the long term I'm not sure if it changed much.
I really wish it was just one story but there are so many like this and many of them are even worse, most of the time I can get by and have a few nights normal sleep but every now and again I begin to remember some of this stuff and then everything is thrown off. Some of the horrible memories I have directly involve professional help so in a lot of ways I don't even really trust them anymore (I saw a lot of psychologists and therapists growing up since a very young age) most of the time they actually made things worse. Maybe it'd be different now but even so I still feel I can't really trust them anymore.
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On October 05 2015 23:48 pebble444 wrote:
Stepping out and talking about it is a very good first step; My feeling is that there are a lot of hidden dynamics going on whitin yourself, that this story brought more awareness about.
what i can suggest is to get professional help in getting over this story and not let it keep you awake at nights anymore.
I've given it a little bit of thought and I think it's mostly just that I don't really have anyone to talk to about stuff like this. I can talk to my friends about a little bit of it but some of it is just a little too disturbing to talk them about and although it felt good to post about it I'm betting it's even a little bit too disturbing for a forum as well to just blatantly share it here. It's still difficult for me to consider talking to a therapist now (because of history) but unlike when I was younger I can more readily pick and choose between them for myself instead of it just being somebody else who picks them for me. It'll have to be a while before this would get going (would have to find someone plus it takes money) but I think really what I'd want in the end is to just have somebody I could talk to about this stuff without worrying that I'll seriously disturb them .
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oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant?
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On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant?
you cant be serious...
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listen brotha I feel your pain. I too am being bombarded with pussy everywhere I go but you gotta keep the pimp hand strong.
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On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant?
This seems to be a typical kind of response to guys talking about things like this. If it were the other way around and a girl in the first year of high school was talking about an older guy then you probably wouldn't be telling her to 'pounce on that'
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On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant?
shouldn't you have sex with someone you love and not just indiscriminately with anybody who is willing... To do otherwise sounds awful to me.
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On October 06 2015 15:03 mooose wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant? This seems to be a typical kind of response to guys talking about things like this. If it were the other way around and a girl in the first year of high school was talking about an older guy then you probably wouldn't be telling her to 'pounce on that'
honestly I was a little taken aback, is this actually how people typically respond to this kind of stuff?? I'd never talked about this with anyone so... I kinda didn't know...
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On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant?
not being turned on by someone cornering you while masturbating doesn't make you asexual homie. just because you and other might have been down doesn't make him wrong for feeling awkward there. he was a 13 year old for crying out loud.
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On October 06 2015 20:30 demonym wrote:Show nested quote +On October 06 2015 07:59 parkufarku wrote:
oh man. what!? I mean, even you weren't attracted to her, if she was in the same room with me and masturbating, I would pounce on that. OP are you an asexual plant? shouldn't you have sex with someone you love and not just indiscriminately with anybody who is willing... To do otherwise sounds awful to me.
Its perfectly fine if you didn't feel attracted to her and were made uncomfortable by her more aggressive approach. Human sexuality is pretty fluid and flexible though so while your perspective on sex (with only someone you love) is fine, be careful about denouncing those who are more open with sex.
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I was expecting something different from the title of this thread. Anyway, I don't really believe all that much in professional help. I'm also too pragmatic to believe only talking can help.
Also, don't be put off by idiots who think having sex is all that matters or that question your sexuality because you refuse to have sex with a person just by virtue of them having a vagina or w/e.
If this would have happened to me when I was a teenager (or even now) I'd be weirded out as well.
You'll have to decide for yourself who you want to open up to and in what setting but since you're talking about this on a forum I'm assuming you're most comfortable with talking to people you don't know, online.
By the way, you can definitely talk to me about stuff like this. Don't think anything has ever disturbed me much and I'm very respectful of people's wishes etc. I'm a great listener, but I can't make any promises on giving good advice etc.
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Wait, wait. Op, are you a boy? Or a girl? Because your behavior seems girlish to me.
Everything aside, on the masturbation night, when you were uncomfortable, you just had to express that in a way that can not be mistaken. Not just turn around and pretend you're sleeping. Nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to a person but to not state your intentions and feelings is wrong for me. It seems to me you have extremely low self esteem. I think you should work on that.
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On October 07 2015 03:56 hymn wrote:
Wait, wait. Op, are you a boy? Or a girl? Because your behavior seems girlish to me.
Everything aside, on the masturbation night, when you were uncomfortable, you just had to express that in a way that can not be mistaken. Not just turn around and pretend you're sleeping. Nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to a person but to not state your intentions and feelings is wrong for me. It seems to me you have extremely low self esteem. I think you should work on that.
the op was a high school freshman at the time being approached by an older person. There's something to be said for consent and making it clear that you do or don't want to partake in what's going on, but the op was 12-14 at the time. That would be an awkward situation for someone twice that age, let alone a kid with no experience.
not wanting to partake for whatever reason also isn't girly what the hell. Not only are you being sexist, you're trivializing a traumatic event that happened to the op when they were a kid. Really?
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On October 07 2015 03:56 hymn wrote:
Wait, wait. Op, are you a boy? Or a girl? Because your behavior seems girlish to me.
Everything aside, on the masturbation night, when you were uncomfortable, you just had to express that in a way that can not be mistaken. Not just turn around and pretend you're sleeping. Nothing wrong with not being sexually attracted to a person but to not state your intentions and feelings is wrong for me. It seems to me you have extremely low self esteem. I think you should work on that.
I'm a male. I was kinda wondering if somebody might notice that I never explicitly stated that (what a twist that would have been).
I don't think trying to stop her right when she was trying to masturbate would have worked that well, although I guess I'll never know now.
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On October 07 2015 03:36 B-royal wrote:
I was expecting something different from the title of this thread. Anyway, I don't really believe all that much in professional help. I'm also too pragmatic to believe only talking can help.
Also, don't be put off by idiots who think having sex is all that matters or that question your sexuality because you refuse to have sex with a person just by virtue of them having a vagina or w/e.
If this would have happened to me when I was a teenager (or even now) I'd be weirded out as well.
You'll have to decide for yourself who you want to open up to and in what setting but since you're talking about this on a forum I'm assuming you're most comfortable with talking to people you don't know, online.
By the way, you can definitely talk to me about stuff like this. Don't think anything has ever disturbed me much and I'm very respectful of people's wishes etc. I'm a great listener, but I can't make any promises on giving good advice etc.
I'm not really sure who I am most comfortable talking to or in what context, I've never really been willing to go fully into detail like this and share it. I suppose I am most used to writing these things out though (sometimes I write to myself to get it out and then just delete it).
Giving good advice is often very difficult and often over-rated so I don't really mind if you can't promise that.
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On October 07 2015 04:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
That would be an awkward situation for someone twice that age, let alone a kid with no experience.
Man, I had to log from the phone to type, this is good discussion.
Excuse me, how is it awkward to say "no, I don't want this to continue and I am not attracted to you in any way, I just want you to stop now!".
Also, for the age, I had no idea, in Bulgaria kids are usually 15 when they start high school, in 8 grade. But still, 14 should be enough for a confident answer. I mean, if he doesn't stand his ground, rarely will people do it for him. BTW my child is 5 and in kindergarten they teach them to always express when something is wrong for them and makes them uncomfortable. I also think this is the right approach and always encourage my child to say when she feels something is not right.
On October 07 2015 04:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
not wanting to partake for whatever reason also isn't girly what the hell. Not only are you being sexist, you're trivializing a traumatic event that happened to the op when they were a kid. Really?
I never meant that not participating in sex is girly. As far as I have read, both sexes are almost equally sexual but boys are just more vocal about it. What seems girly to me is avoiding the direct refusal, hoping that the indifference is enough of a hint for the other party to quit. In my experience, mostly girls act like this while boys are more direct. Even my wife when she doesn't want to go to some food place will usually not refuse with a simple NO but will say "maybe we can go somewhere else?".
I am not sexist in any way. But I know that in the USA people are way too sensitive and it may look like this. I am truly sorry if I offended someone.
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United Kingdom10443 Posts
this is really messed up, I feel sorry you had to put up with that.
She clearly has issues
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On October 07 2015 07:00 hymn wrote:Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 04:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
That would be an awkward situation for someone twice that age, let alone a kid with no experience. Man, I had to log from the phone to type, this is good discussion. Excuse me, how is it awkward to say "no, I don't want this to continue and I am not attracted to you in any way, I just want you to stop now!". Also, for the age, I had no idea, in Bulgaria kids are usually 15 when they start high school, in 8 grade. But still, 14 should be enough for a confident answer. I mean, if he doesn't stand his ground, rarely will people do it for him. BTW my child is 5 and in kindergarten they teach them to always express when something is wrong for them and makes them uncomfortable. I also think this is the right approach and always encourage my child to say when she feels something is not right. Show nested quote +On October 07 2015 04:07 QuanticHawk wrote:
not wanting to partake for whatever reason also isn't girly what the hell. Not only are you being sexist, you're trivializing a traumatic event that happened to the op when they were a kid. Really? I never meant that not participating in sex is girly. As far as I have read, both sexes are almost equally sexual but boys are just more vocal about it. What seems girly to me is avoiding the direct refusal, hoping that the indifference is enough of a hint for the other party to quit. In my experience, mostly girls act like this while boys are more direct. Even my wife when she doesn't want to go to some food place will usually not refuse with a simple NO but will say "maybe we can go somewhere else?". I am not sexist in any way. But I know that in the USA people are way too sensitive and it may look like this. I am truly sorry if I offended someone.
I wasn't trying to say you're a sexist since I don't really know you (honestly I just thought it was a joke, just not one to say to someone who is expressing trauma years later). It's more that what you were saying sure is sexist since it's saying masculinty is tied to assertiveness and sex, and not being able to be assertive in such a situation is bad/feminine. It's a silly way to look at things that builds up a lot of stupid expectations. That's my point.
as far as how hard that is to say, now in my 30s yeah hypthetically it would be very easy for me at the moment. 12-15 or so me, if I didn't want to participate in the op's situation, would definitely be as awkward as the OP was since I'd have no idea what I was doing. I was brought up the same way as you're bringing up your kids, and I plan on doing the same for my kids. But unfortunately, like many things, that's one situation that's often a lot easier to deal with in theory than in practice, at least until you've got more experience and confidence. Most kids that age won't have that is my point. And hell, even with experience, not everyone is as assertive as you or i.
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EPT
