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Some time ago a dear friend of mine passed away. Long story short, he had cancer. I told him to write a diary or book but like the stubborn prick he was he always told me he never did. A few days after he passed away his sister contacted me and she found some notes on his laptop. In these notes he mentions things that helped him in these rough times. At first his family didn’t want the story to get posted online (the reason why I think it should will get clear once you read his story). But I left it at that at first. But a few days ago my mother was diagnosed with the same type of cancer. Spending so much time with her, and her telling so much things I never know about moments she experienced it became clear to me people should tell their life story’s so I went back to his family and confronted them with it. They made me promise that I didn’t use his real name or any information that would lead back to him because they want to mourn their loss in peace. And that i can respect. But I am able to share his story now. Slightly edited cause some things are not relevant here (aka pain, illness etc.). And he mentions his own name sometimes in here, I have replaced it with Jack. Which is a name he really hated so the last thing I do form him is to get that fucker back for not telling me the truth about his writing. So here is Jack’s story:
I find it strange that I have accepted that my days are coming to an end so soon... I always thought that would be the hardest thing about dying. Losing everything you worked for your entire life. My parents always taught me I should work hard and get a job with which you can make a lot of money so you can do the things you always wanted to do, like buying a fancy car, big house, lots of holidays to far away lands, but no matter how hard you work, always be fair. I love my parents, but I think they raised me wrong, because with all the money they had there still was no cure for me. I worked so hard only to learn that I can be happy without money as well.
I don’t even miss the old times, which is what I found most strange at all, except for the part of me having cancer of course xD. I wasn’t a typical gamer, hell, I wasn’t even a gamer at all in the first place. I played football (not handegg you bloody Americans!!). Which is big here in the Netherlands. A lot of people admired me cause I was an attacking midfielder for my club and on top of that I was the captain! I had a good body and the girls knew.... My ex Jacky was the goddamn best looking girl you will ever see. Also when I finished my school I could combine my lifestyle of sports and a nice girlfriend with a good job, finally buying a house of my own. But that is when shit happened. In that summer I was relaxing at the beach when suddenly my legs didn’t move while playing beach football. I just didn’t know what was happening to me, I started to cry but I couldn’t feel the pain, it felt so surreal, I just didn’t have the power to move myself from the spot on which I stood, but apparently I fell down, I have no fucking clue what happened but the next thing I knew I was in an ambulance going to the hospital.
The next few days were a blur for me. I just had so much pain that they gave me so much medication I couldn’t feel a thing. But to be honest, staying awake then is the hardest thing you will ever do xD. They did a few tests and a week after that the news was out: I had cancer. Yes, I, Jack, the man who had it all in the palms of his hand, money, people who envied him, girls, had fucking cancer.
A few days after I could leave the hospital. The cancer was located in my spine and some organs. Long story short, there is nothing they could do for me. But I actually felt fine physically at that point. I was scared shitless because I was diagnosed with cancer. A type of cancer that will take my life rather sooner than later, but how on this goddamn earth could my body feel fine? Time remaining: 1 to 2 years.
A few days passed while I just lay down on bed watching TV and a lot of people dropping by and calling to ask how I felt. I realized I only had 6 months left to do the things I wanted to do cause after that I probably wouldn’t be able to walk.... like ever again. I felt a lot of comfort in having people around me from my football squad, friends and family. So I made a list of things I would like to do and started working on it! I worked my entire life why would I stop now? I wanted to keep playing soccer as much as possible, drive a nice car, go on a holiday with my lovely soon to be ex-girlfriend and visit some major football games. But dear lord, the list couldn’t be a bigger miss.
Almost all the people who I considered friends at that time, from my squad or school, started treating me like I was made of glass. They looked at me with pity. They didn’t challenge my calls as a captain anymore, they never engaged me in a duel of some friendly fighting like we used to do. Okay I was ill but I wasn’t dead for Christ's sake. I've got 6 good months of life left but the only things you guys see is a walking corpse. But that wasn’t even the worst I had to endure, it was my lovely ex Jacky. Every time we made love after that I felt like she wasn’t there. Every time I looked in her eyes the only thing I could see was worry and despair of being with me. When I told her if she still felt the same way as she did before she told me things have changed, that it wasn’t the cancer, I think she said more after that point but I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. The girl I loved, with which I wanted to spend the rest of my life, left me. Just like that, during the time I needed her most.
2 months have passed since I was diagnosed with cancer and I broke with all my friends and family other than my parents and my sister. I really hope I never see these fucking sons of goats again. Which in my case is fortunate because I don’t have long left to live anyway. My ex Jacky now has a relationship with the new captain of my former soccer squad. Bunch of idiots. I didn’t matter anymore. The only respect I had was when I was the best player and with that being gone, I did not matter anymore. And on top of that, my ex-girlfriend is fucking the new captain... It wasn’t the cancer... Yea right. My family was just as bad. They all stopped by to tell me how much they would miss me. I mean, my funeral pyre is at least 4 months away, can’t you just address me as Jack, make a bad joke or just punch me on the shoulder like you guys used to do? And not even once had they told me they hoped I would recover or feel any better, no THEY felt bad. Needless to say I told everyone to go fuck themselves, I raged, I fucking broke my foot kicking the shit out of the faggot who stole my ex and I never felt as bad as I did at that moment. I had no friends, no family which would support me, my parents are always busy with their work, nothing to live for and 4 months left. Suicide seemed a better option by the minute.
That’s when I discovered the things that helped me get through this difficult period of time: a good friend and online gaming. I had this slightly odd friend at school waaaaaay back, named skrelt. Everyone always found him strange. He only did the things in school he wanted to do, listened to the music he wanted to listen to (have you ever seen an 8-year-old listen to Queen, Sabbath and Iron Maiden? His dad didn’t even like Maiden or Sabbath!) but I always tried to be as nice as possible to people and so I did that to skrelt as well. He always found some time to help me repair my computer/laptop and we sometimes went out and just talked for hours while drinking some cola. He doesn’t like beer for some strange ultra gay reason. But off all the people in the world I never expected him to be at my doorstep when I felt most miserable. I never came to his birthdays even though he did invite me, never invited him to mine because he wasn’t one of the cool kids, although he knew I didn’t invite him because my friends and girlfriend thought he was weird. When he found out he came over to my house and had a chat with my sister. When she told him I just sat in my room, stopped football and basically everything social I had, he came back later that day with a laptop. This person, who I didn’t even consider a friend, GAVE ME A FUCKING LAPTOP. When I asked him why, he just answered: so you can play video games of course lol.
It took me 3 days before I touched the thing, I just felt miserable but every day skrelt would call once or twice to ask if I would join him in a game of Starcraft 2. The 3rd time I gave in. I played some CoD and Fifa before, and of course I know what SC2 was but never ever did I play that game. So I was surprised when I booted the laptop it was already installed. That guy BOUGHT ME FUCKING SC2. I just couldn’t comprehend the act of selflessness of that fucker.
And then the best thing ever happened to me. I have never felt any better in my life. A week after I started playing SC2 I 4-gated this zerg (4-gate is a protoss build order that used to be considered OP). And when I was on the brink of victory, you know what happened? The guy called me a faggot... He called me a faggot... I couldn’t believe what I saw. I am dying of cancer, and here is this random internet person just calling me a faggot, a cheap fucking gay cheesing faggot. I am not gay but I would have kissed that person. For the first time since it was known I had cancer someone acted like I was a normal person. And you random stranger, I wanted to thank you. You saved my life! At least for a while!
I had something to do in life again, becoming better at Starcraft 2! With my newfound powers but no sense for strategy in this game, skrelt suggested I should watch a person called Day[9]. Ladies and fucking gentlepeople, this person should be president.
Day[9] became one of my best friends without him knowing it. He meant so much for me. I learned so much from him. The next 3 months he would be my coach to the diamond league in SC2! But not just for SC2, he also shines his light on what it is to be a gamer, to just enjoy the things that you love. He is the reason why the relationship with my parents and sister was restored while I am still alive, for which I am eternally grateful. And his story about kittens and ninja stars helped me a lot these difficult times. Just to be happy with the things I have and that I should not be focused on the bad things in life but just BE positive, no matter what. I don’t know if you ever read this Day[9] but you are a hero amongst men, I salute you.
And of course Incontrol and idra. Dear lord did they crush some nerds on their streams. The talk shows of SC2 with ItmeJP and nony. I laughed my spine out. Always when I watched State of the Game you people put a smile on my face.
One year has gone past and and I am still going strong. Although I can’t move my fingers as fast as I used to or walk. Silver league is still within my reach! The cancer did progress a lot. But you know what, the cool thing about gaming: it doesn’t matter how good you are, on every level people call you a faggot.
Had to stop sc2. Couldn’t move my left hand well enough over the keyboard to use my hotkeys well enough, and I couldn’t bear Day[9] seeing me play without hotkeys! Switched over to DotA 2, or Cyka2 as a lot of people call it. Spent some good time with skrelt just goofing around. And watching The International.
I basically just lived behind my laptop the last months. I can’t walk, I can barely eat. I lost all muscle I ever had. So it was a good change of pace to get out of the house with skrelt. We went to the beach where it happened. The first sign of my cancer. I didn’t know if I wanted to go but now I am here I feel at peace. I realized that the things I lost “because” of cancer where things I could do without my entire life. But the things I have gained while I have cancer, a real friend and a family who supports me no matter what I do, are the things that make these last few month worth living. It is good to see skrelt finally drink a fucking beer as well although I had to force him! His argument of driving a wheelchair was judged invalid! Although it did rain and the faggot left me standing in the rain, it is good to be treated like a normal person again. I also sneaked in a beer myself! Just standing there on the beach with my friend in the rain was the best thing he could ever do. Never have I found rain this peaceful. A sight to see, the sea when it is raining. I cried. Never in this entire time did I shed a tear but there. And I know that fucker saw me cry, although he never commented on it. Just said it was a good day for rain. I had finally found peace in my life, and whenever death would come, I could shake his hand and welcome him. BUT NOT BEFORE ANOTHER GAME OF DOTA!
2 years have passed. I feel a lot of pain. But also a lot of comfort. I limit myself to watching streams of iceiceice, singsing, admiral bulldog and notail when they are online. I almost can’t move anymore, typing takes an immense amount of effort so these streams from them are always nice to watch. I think it is my time soon. I never thought I would feel good enough the past few months to write something but I found a bit of energy. Realized my life would be meaningless just working another job and making money like my parents did. My cancer saved their marriage. We got closer as a family. After I passed away they are going to spend all their time helping people like myself. And thanks to that dipshit who keeps visiting me here in the hospital I know that the people that truly care about me are here.
After writing this he passed away 7 days later. At the age of 25. I had to translate the stuff because he wrote it in Dutch(Nederlands) and in the later stages of his cancer he talks allot about the pain and his relation ship with girls and a lot of personal stuff which i am not going to share. I believe he wanted Day[9], Incontrol, idra, ItmeJP, Nony, Singsing, Notaill, Bulldog and iceiceice and all the other streamers and casters to know what it meant for him to watch the content they brought out and helped him in his final years and moments of his life. He slept a lot the last few months/weeks but always he fell asleep to content of em, dota2 or sc2. I hope this will reach them as I have no phone number or email address to tell them: thank you. I hope this helps people who are sick all over the world to grab their illness by the throat and smack it down like my friend did. He lost the battle for sure, but he died a happy man.
I want to thank everyone for reading this. It means allot to his family who are moved by what everyone has to say and that they took the time to write something back. Even the celebrity's.
Dear Sir, It is raining today, and today is just as good, be well my friend.
+ Show Spoiler +In replay to nony and some other people who mentioned it aswell, he wrote down that he is fine with people reading what he wrote down, he just feels kinda silly writing a diary. it is considered a bit of a pussy thing to do in holland for a guy. that is why he kept it a secret. + Show Spoiler +Thanks to SirIlliterate who was the best grammar nazi today
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Dude, that was an excellent read. I loved the irony of him feeling normal because someone called him a faggot. I understand how people might think that's weird, but it's awesome to see how something that can bring me so much anger can bring someone else happiness.
That was really inspiring. Thank you for your effort to obtain this and share it 
Also thank you Jack for being an inspiration!
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RIP Jack. Thank you for sharing his story Skrelt
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Well If that don't bring a tear out, few things will.. RIP jack and thank you for reminding how you need to teasure the real things in life.
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Rust in vrede, faggot
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Thanks for sharing this story and being a "real" friend to Jack.
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You're a good person Skrelt, should be an inspiration to all.
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U are the good friend he is talking about Skrelt. Yes. People are disgusting & family also in times of need u will know ur true friends. cheers.
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Skrelt thankyou for sharing this emotional read.
I found it very inspiring and just wanna say my prayers go out to Jack!
Just shows one day you can have it all, and the next it can come crashing down. Those you love, keep close for your time might be near, or perhaps theirs.
Rest in peace.
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That was a good read, thanks.
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Very intense and amazing story. Thanks for sharing it.
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My dad died by cancer a few months ago, and i am litterally crying at this. I hope all the people mentioned in the "blog/whatever" read this, as this is the highest possible praise any streamer/content creator could EVER get. Your friend sounds like such a sincere and real person - and someone the world will surely miss.
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Great read, thank you man. Gaming truly brings people together! RIP to your friend.
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On August 17 2015 00:35 BananaShakee wrote: Rust in vrede, faggot Quality first post. Im glad you posted. Thank you for sharing your story.
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United States10081 Posts
Not gonna lie I laughed when he felt happy someone called him a faggot. A really great read. Cancer is a bitch :c
Rest in peace your friend.
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FREEAGLELAND26780 Posts
Thank you for sharing! I'm glad Jack found his peace.
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You did what some people aspire to do all their lives, to make a significant difference in one person's life.
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Gecondoleerd met je verlies Skrelt, al is het een aantal(?) jaren geleden gebeurd. Er is niks mooiers dan echte vriendschap.
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That fucker died and left some onions! RIP bratan! BibleThump
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That was really great to read, yet hard as well. I'm glad he's at peace, and I'm glad he had an awesome friend by his side.
Thank you for sharing this, and thank you to his family for letting you share it at well.
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This is an awesome post. Thanks fro this, you are a great friend. The rain gesture was fucking amazing Skrelt.
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that was so sad and so beautiful at the same time
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This person, who I didn’t even considered a friend, GAVE ME A FUCKING LAPTOP. When I asked him why, he just answered: so you can play video games ofc lol.
Skrelt what a fucking god
The guy called me a faggot... He called me a faggot... I couldn’t believe what I saw. I am dying of cancer, and here is this random internet person just calling me a faggot, a cheap fucking gay cheesing faggot. I am not gay but I would have kissed that person. For the first time while it was known I had cancer some acted like I was a normal person
But you know what, the cool thing about gaming: it doesn’t care how good you are, on every level people call you a faggot.
this has to be the first time i've read getting flamed is a good thing lol
Rip to Jack, Also Skrelt you are one of a kind mate.
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That was beautiful, if I was a hot woman, I'd let you have coitus with me whenever you felt Skrelt. Bestest of friend someone could ever have.
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Amazing read between tears and laughs :'( 
Thanks for sharing OP, this reminded me of the things and people that are really important to spend energy and time on.
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even when my english is not perfect and its hard to read long text. this read was amazing.. rip faggot..
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nice read. good man skrelt.
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who the fuck started cutting onions in my living room?
fantastic blog. one of the best I've ever read, touched an old man's shrivelled heart.
RIP Jack.
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Thanks for sharing this story, it really hit home for me. I lost my dad to cancer when I was 14, and Video games were really a crutch for me to be able to deal with my everyday life. Needless to say this wonderful story made me cry like a baby, thanks again and my most sincere condolences for you and the family, always hard to lose somebody.
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Rest in Peace Jack. Very moving story.
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May your friend rest in peace mate. You're one really good person.
I have a request though. Would you mind if I translate this piece to spanish to show to my family? I feel like they would understand there are a lot of good things that come in gaming as general, more so when your friend played SC2 and Dota2 just as me. Best regards
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RIP Jack! You were the real faggot and a lucky person to have found your real friend, even for such a short time!
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you're good people, both, stay strong Skrelt
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All the best to your family Skrelt, i think you made your mother proud and hope this story that you posted, saves some lives. Stay strong!
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thank you so much for posting this.
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Such a depressing story, but Skrelt... You're an amazing guy. Jack was so lucky to have you in his life, may he rest in peace.
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It's always nice to read these stories, even though it's sad.
One of the amazing things about online gaming is that it can transcend age, gender, ability, nationality, culture and language.
All of these characteristics don't matter when you're cheesing. You're just a "faggot" (or your regional equivalent).
RIP Jack.
(I wonder what he would've replied with if someone told him to "get cancer and die"...)
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I'll admit I teared up a bit reading this, thank you for sharing his story Skrelt.
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This story should be an insiparation for everyone, at least it is for me.
Great read, RIP
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Made this account just so that I could reply. Now I don`t know what to say.... welp... I loved the story.. and it made me cry
Also, rest in pace Jack^^ You and your friend seem like lovely people
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Heel bijzonder om dit te mogen lezen. Bedankt. Sterkte.
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That was very touching. Thank you.
My mom got a tumor and cancer in the brain about a year ago, and it's very hard. We just got news a month ago that it's incurable, and right now there's not a lot of time left. Reading this helped. Thank you.
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Beautiful read. Rest in peace.
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8748 Posts
On August 16 2015 22:34 Skrelt wrote: Some time ago a dear friend of mine passed away. Long story short, he had cancer. I told him to write a diary or book but the stubborn prick he was he always told me he never did. A few days after he passed away his sister contacted me and she found some notes on his laptop. In these notes he mentions things that helped him in these rough times. At first his family didn’t want the story to get posted online (the reason why I think it should will get clear once you read his story). But I left it at that at first. But a few days ago my mother was diagnosed with the same type of cancer. Spending so much time with her, and her telling so much things I never know about moments she experienced it became clear to me people should tell their life story’s so I went back to his family and confronted them with it. They made me promise that I didn’t use his real name or any information that would lead back to him because they want to mourn their loss in peace. And that i can respect. But I am able to share his story now. Slightly edited cause some things are not relevant here (aka pain, illness etc.). And he mentions his own name sometimes in here, I have replaced it with Jack. Which is a name he really hated so the last thing I do form him is to get that fucker back for not telling me the truth about his writing. So here is Jack’s story:
First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. I stopped reading at the point when the quoted section ends. I don't think it's appropriate to publicize his story without his clear consent. Him denying that he wrote anything while leaving his writings to be discovered are mixed signals. A half dozen things come to mind that could explain his actions and some possibilities justify publication and some don't. Personally I err on the side of respecting privacy, even in the face of the best judgment of family and friends, which I see on social media is an extremely unpopular reaction to this situation. Best wishes to you and your mother.
edit: I just want to say, to try to prevent souring the mood as much as possible, that the only reason that I made a comment here which amounted to nothing more than me expressing my opinion on personal privacy, is because I was tagged in a tweet about this story which has gotten more retweets and favorites than anything I've ever had in my feed (mainly because of the other people tagged). I felt like it'd be rude to not give some personal attention to it, or to pretend that I wasn't aware of it, so here I am. I'm happy for the positive ripples the story may have on the world and again I'm dearly sorry for your loss and the news about your mother.
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You made me cry, thank you jack
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Thanks nony and i can understand, yet he wanted people to know how he felt in the end, wich is what he wrote down aswell, he just didnt want people to know he did write cause it is not cool for a guy to write in a diary (atleast in hollland its considered to be gay by alot of people). But his parents didnt want it to get it posted online in the first place, but after talking to me about the current situation, they changed his mind and they hope it will help people get along, and when i let them read the amount of support people give, they can understand why i wanted his story out. Also the reason i kept as much information private is i could
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A sight to see, the sea when it is raining. I cried. Never in this entire time did I shed a tear but there. And I know that fucker saw me cry, he never commented on it. Just said it was a good day for rain.
I lost it at that line...
Thanks for sharing this Skrelt. It's so full of raw truth that can be really hard to find nowadays. And thanks for being a great person - recognizing that he was in pain - and showing empathy. I hope you continue to change people's lives for the better.
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I'm in tears. I don't think I've been more moved by the act of kindness of a near-stranger in my life.
Hij is maat meijn groodmoeter nuu. (He is with my grandmother now).
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thank you so much for the story
should not have read it at work. argh
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GRAND OLD AMERICA16375 Posts
It is a good day for rain.
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I understand that it's strange, but I feel that people calling Jack names is a way to pay respect to him, in the same way that I would call my best buddy.
I really want him to call that too... Anyways, RIP
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Sideways to the next light...
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Haven't visited TL in a while but glad I found this story on reddit. Really interesting read to see how he saw everything and how he actually got joy from someone flaming him since he felt like a regular person again. OP you are a good friend and everyone should have a friend like you.
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Thank you for sharing this touching story, good to keep things in perspective.
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Really touching story, not even sure what to say besides thank you for sharing it (also to his parrents). And i hope for the best regarding your mother
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That was something worth reading! Thank you.
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Didn't realize OP was the magic Skrelt.
You're awesome dude. And thanks for sharing the story.
It is a good day for rain.
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Thank you for sharing this story, and for staying with him till the end.
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Belgium9945 Posts
Thanks for sharing man, and helping him the way you did. RIP Jack.
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SoCal8908 Posts
Thanks for sharing this story. I'm writing this after spending a weekend with a friend of mine who got me into starcraft and dota, so it resonated with me in terms of gaming with your best friend.
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Wow. Thanks for sharing, Skrelt. I can't imagine how hard that must have been for both of you.
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omg im sorry for your loss,i can only wish you force to be strong in this hard times.
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My father passed away due to cancer as well. Reminds me of the pains he had to go through.
RIP Jack.
It is a good day for rain.
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Wow.
Wish I could be half the man he was, let alone half the man you are. Really uplifting stuff.
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Fucking brilliantly written. I find it hard to put my thoughts into words as im not this good in conveying messages. Just want to say that this is one the best things i have ever read (im not sure of anything else, so probably 'the best') that by it i have been touched so deeply. (i could actually relate to it!) Thank you so much man. This is so inspiring. Im so happy for Jack by the way he left, so strong within and at peace. This life event of your friend and yours' will set great examples for the living ones.
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Amazing read and thanks for sharing.
RIP Jack.
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thx for sharing. RIP faggot
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I don't know what to say/how to react. So many thoughts in my mind right now, but none being clear. So many emotions man...
Thank you for sharing, and sorry for your loss.
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Russian Federation1607 Posts
I'm not sure who is the real hero of this story, faggot Jack or real good man Skrelt?
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I haven't logged in in TL for maybe an year, but I decided to login just to post a comment here. There should be more people in this world like you Skrelt.
Some people feel the rain, others just get wet ... RIP Jack.
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Wow, I dont know what so say after reading this.
I am very sorry for your loss and I wanted to thank you and his family for sharing this emotional story.
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ALLEYCAT BLUES49624 Posts
On August 18 2015 18:54 Jenia6109 wrote: I'm not sure who is the real hero of this story, faggot Jack or real good man Skrelt?
both of them.
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On August 18 2015 18:54 Jenia6109 wrote: I'm not sure who is the real hero of this story, faggot Jack or real good man Skrelt? The masses of 4 gaters on ladder for helping Jack find his humanity again.
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tldr
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Skrelt, you are very manner. Sorry about your mother and friend. Thank you for sharing this beautiful and moving story.
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A truly touching story, I'm glad Jack had a friend like you who didn't give him pity but love in his darkest hour and made his last days a happy time. My condolences for your mother and wishes that she will recover.
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This really was touching. RIP to Jack, and best wishes to you and your mother, Skrelt.
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RIP and condolences to you, his family, and hope your mother recovers soon!
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SoCal, USA3955 Posts
You are a very awesome human being Skrelt, you made his worst times the best. Sorry about your mother, wish her the best!
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United States10328 Posts
Thank you for sharing, Skrelt (and for writing, Jack.) Rest in peace.
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the Dagon Knight4002 Posts
This is really fantastic. Thanks so much for giving it to us.
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Very good read. Im one of the guys who works hard trying to earn a good living for me and my soon to be family. I spend alot of time away from home and I often wonder if Im doing the right thing, you and your friends story is a reminder to appreciate the people close to you and the smaller things in life.
Thank you for sharing, you are obviously a really good man, much respect. All the best to you and your mother.
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It is a good day for rain. Rest in peace faggot.
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This Is Just beautifull. It belongs to the best moving story of teamliquid. I really hope you have an amazing life yourself.
If i could log on SC2 right now i would 4gate in his honnor.
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