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Even though I want to be a nice person I still say and do mean things. I guess usually it starts from annoyance and I think to some extent it's important to be able to express that (but not necessarily openly). Even knowing all this, knowing what I should do, I still usually end up expressing annoyance, and not in a nice way. What are ways to cope with annoyance?
Examples:
I guess one thing that gets to me is when someone accidentally does something but instead of acknowledging that the mistake caused problems they just make it out like... "well it was just an accident, get over it". Actually I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it.
Another is when someone just apologizes without substance.. Sure, they could even mean it but if it just means it's gonna happen all over again... Can I really just forgive them for just that? The annoyance occurs when I try to pursue getting to a real solution and all they do is just get defensive saying stuff like "I already apologized, just let-it-go/get over it".
 
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Stop being annoyed by things is the first step. I get where you're coming from, and annoyance naturally leads to snarkiness and stuff like that. THe more you just try to lay back and not let minor things get on your nerves, the better of a time you will have being nice.
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On December 15 2014 09:11 Redrot wrote:
Stop being annoyed by things is the first step. I get where you're coming from, and annoyance naturally leads to snarkiness and stuff like that. THe more you just try to lay back and not let minor things get on your nerves, the better of a time you will have being nice.
I get what you're saying but I can't see it being as simple as just deciding that's how I'm gonna be, the problem is how it makes me feel and how I handle that feeling. There is probably value in prevention but.. well I'm not even clear on why I get annoyed to begin with, I just know a few things here and there that trigger it.
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that's a pretty vague problem. if it's causing you serious interpersonal problems then seek therapy or at least the guidance of someone you trust and respect. if it's a more minor problem then i don't know because pretty much everyone at some point gets minorly annoyed and says mean things they wish they hadn't
maybe break the issue down more, think about what annoyance is to you and come up with a mechanism that helps you avoid being hostile, like when you feel yourself getting annoyed and sassy instead of being mean just throw up your hands and say something stupid like "ooga booga" or "i'm so annoying!" or whatever works for you, tell a joke, make it funny
it's kind of hard to blindly give advice without any insight into your character and history and what scenarios are causing your annoyance. a good thing to do either way though is just get in the habit of apologizing to people for being rude. it takes guts to be apologetic, especially when you feel sour, but it makes you a better person and is more likely to be constructive than sitting around trying to analyze the problem away in your own head . if your problem is hurting others, the solution can't exist only in your head, you have to connect to the people you're trying to avoid hurting
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On December 15 2014 09:36 brickrd wrote:
it's kind of hard to blindly give advice without any insight into your character and history and what scenarios are causing your annoyance. a good thing to do either way though is just get in the habit of apologizing to people for being rude. it takes guts to be apologetic, especially when you feel sour, but it makes you a better person and is more likely to be constructive than sitting around trying to analyze the problem away in your own head . if your problem is hurting others, the solution can't exist only in your head, you have to connect to the people you're trying to avoid hurting
Yeah, that's true, there isn't really enough info here.
I guess one thing that gets to me is when someone accidentally does something but instead of acknowledging that the mistake caused problems they just make it out like... "well it was just an accident, get over it". Actually I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it.
Another is when someone just apologizes without substance.. Sure, they could even mean it but if it just means it's gonna happen all over again... Can I really just forgive them for just that? The annoyance occurs when I try to pursue getting to a real solution and all they do is just get defensive saying stuff like "I already apologized, just let-it-go/get over it".
These are just the examples that are coming to mind atm, might be able to think of more later.
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On December 15 2014 09:11 Redrot wrote:
Stop being annoyed by things is the first step. I get where you're coming from, and annoyance naturally leads to snarkiness and stuff like that. THe more you just try to lay back and not let minor things get on your nerves, the better of a time you will have being nice.
Yeah, do what this guys says.
But keep in mind it won't be an instant thing. It's going to take time. Just remember every something annoying happens try not to get mad, and if you do get mad just remind yourself afterwards that you shouldn't get mad next time.
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EPT
