|
I think DPB might actually be part of the really rare group of emotionally/psychologically stable people/relationships that actually get involved early and young and aren't codependent or fleeing traumatic family life or hectic past. Most of the time you will see people who are like dating all through high school and inseparable and way too into each other and its kind of weird and unhealthy (technically your brain isn't done developing and you are still under effects of hormones til about mid 20s etc). Not to say that it isn't possible to be ok, but most of the time something is up.
I actually think the fact that you had those times where you guys were long distance and just focusing on yourselves was what made it work because you had time to continue to grow as individuals and then come back together etc. Like you guys probably weren't prioritizing contact with each other every day, and maybe once a week or so? Like really good friends? I guess it makes it a bit easier to avoid 'accidentally' falling for someone else if you are focused on school and using free time to play SC etc instead of going out to events and parties etc.
The only question you have to ask yourself is if you think you will regret not experimenting and dating around before settling down. I know that can be a big issue with guys before marriage etc. Hell, even myself who has dated around quite a bit and ideally is ready to have a stable long term relationship again doesn't know if I have done enough of that yet.
Can I ask what you guys are majoring in school?
|
On November 01 2013 08:18 MarlieChurphy wrote:
I think DPB might actually be part of the really rare group of emotionally/psychologically stable people/relationships that actually get involved early and young and aren't codependent or fleeing traumatic family life or hectic past. Most of the time you will see people who are like dating all through high school and inseparable and way too into each other and its kind of weird and unhealthy (technically your brain isn't done developing and you are still under effects of hormones til about mid 20s etc). Not to say that it isn't possible to be ok, but most of the time something is up.
I actually think the fact that you had those times where you guys were long distance and just focusing on yourselves was what made it work because you had time to continue to grow as individuals and then come back together etc. Like you guys probably weren't prioritizing contact with each other every day, and maybe once a week or so? Like really good friends? I guess it makes it a bit easier to avoid 'accidentally' falling for someone else if you are focused on school and using free time to play SC etc instead of going out to events and parties etc.
The only question you have to ask yourself is if you think you will regret not experimenting and dating around before settling down. I know that can be a big issue with guys before marriage etc. Hell, even myself who has dated around quite a bit and ideally is ready to have a stable long term relationship again doesn't know if I have done enough of that yet.
Can I ask what you guys are majoring in school?
My bachelor's was in mathematics, master's in math education, and now I'm doing a PhD in math education.
Her bachelor's was in biology and she's now in vet school. We should both finish our respective doctoral programs in 2-3 years.
And as far as regretting or missing out is concerned... I just ask myself if it would be worth it to break up to get it all out of system, knowing that she might not take me back or she might find someone better and move on... and then I realize that I'm quite okay with my situation 
I appreciate you putting me in that rare, stable group... I know many who can't handle that. And that's okay. I just got lucky
EDIT: What in the actual fuck happened to my TL layout? Everything's moved around, the font is different, and the sidebar has changed.
Double edit: Never mind, finally found a discussion on it. Would have been nice to be on the homepage >.<
|
On November 01 2013 10:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:And as far as regretting or missing out is concerned... I just ask myself if it would be worth it to break up to get it all out of system, knowing that she might not take me back or she might find someone better and move on... and then I realize that I'm quite okay with my situation
Exactly. Let's say you met a girl and everything was great, you both loved each other and your relationship was solid for years. You want to get married, but you have only ever been with one person - should you purposely break up or separate so you can fuck other women, not find equal or superior happiness, and then potentially lose what you had? I don't think so.
|
On November 01 2013 11:18 Salv wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2013 10:43 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:And as far as regretting or missing out is concerned... I just ask myself if it would be worth it to break up to get it all out of system, knowing that she might not take me back or she might find someone better and move on... and then I realize that I'm quite okay with my situation Exactly. Let's say you met a girl and everything was great, you both loved each other and your relationship was solid for years. You want to get married, but you have only ever been with one person - should you purposely break up or separate so you can fuck other women, not find equal or superior happiness, and then potentially lose what you had? I don't think so.
That's certainly my philosophy. Now granted, some people may not mind as much. Maybe there are enough flaws and problems in their relationship that they want to see if there's greater potential in the future- a sort of "grass is always greener" situation. And I'm sure that's justifiable in many situations. Just not mine. I'm content, happy, loving the way things are.
|
On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters?
Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour.
People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals.
|
On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:Show nested quote +On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals.
Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life)
Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits.
|
On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits.
You really don't see a difference between something like, cheating on an exam versus betraying another person?
|
i love cheating and being cheated on
|
I was with my highschool love for a year and a half before she had sex with one of her ex boyfriends I forgave her and we got back together. And then I cheated on her to get revenge, which was SO stupid of me. In situations like that it is best not to get payback being cheated on was one of the worst pains I ever felt & I do not wish it upon my worst enemy. If you are ever cheated on just let the bitch go, wish I would have done that.
|
its not revenge if you forgave her for it before you got your "revenge" lol
if you were upset about it you never should have forgave her!
|
On November 02 2013 11:26 PassiveAce wrote:
its not revenge if you forgave her for it before you got your "revenge" lol
if you were upset about it you never should have forgave her!
Well I mean I never really forgave her even when I thought I did, which is why I ended up cheating on her I thought by doing that it would heal the pain when it reality it did not.
|
On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits.
Yeah but cheaters aren't sentenced to death or life in prison. I honestly don't see your point. I can make some of my clients sound like the lowest forms of life on the planet - doesn't mean shit, and all they've done is wasted my time/money. I don't know why we need to search for some kind of underlying biological/evolutionary reason humans fiercely dislike other humans who cross them, and I think betrayal and shame is enough of a good reason to hate someone's guts. I don't see what biology or evolution has to do with it.
As far as shared animosity towards cheaters, it just makes sense honestly. People generally look down on those who commit fraud or dishonor "contracts" etc. Cheating is comparable to both of those. As a cheater, it's part of your reputation along with a host of other things. Why would this particular thing not follow you around?
|
On November 02 2013 13:07 DefMatrixUltra wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits. Yeah but cheaters aren't sentenced to death or life in prison. I honestly don't see your point. I can make some of my clients sound like the lowest forms of life on the planet - doesn't mean shit, and all they've done is wasted my time/money. I don't know why we need to search for some kind of underlying biological/evolutionary reason humans fiercely dislike other humans who cross them, and I think betrayal and shame is enough of a good reason to hate someone's guts. I don't see what biology or evolution has to do with it. As far as shared animosity towards cheaters, it just makes sense honestly. People generally look down on those who commit fraud or dishonor "contracts" etc. Cheating is comparable to both of those. As a cheater, it's part of your reputation along with a host of other things. Why would this particular thing not follow you around?
They are sentenced to a life with a scarlet letter, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and people disown them as friends like they found out they were a child molester all along or something.
On November 02 2013 07:34 Salv wrote:
You really don't see a difference between something like, cheating on an exam versus betraying another person?
See, Betrayed. The perception of stepping outside a relationship is so severely overstated. It's not like your took all her stuff and burned it or mislead the person to get you all kinds of things and strung them along.
I think maybe people have differing definitions of what cheating actually is. I'm gonna guess most people think of it as something like 'using' which I actually consider worse than cheating.
|
On November 02 2013 13:38 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2013 13:07 DefMatrixUltra wrote:On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits. Yeah but cheaters aren't sentenced to death or life in prison. I honestly don't see your point. I can make some of my clients sound like the lowest forms of life on the planet - doesn't mean shit, and all they've done is wasted my time/money. I don't know why we need to search for some kind of underlying biological/evolutionary reason humans fiercely dislike other humans who cross them, and I think betrayal and shame is enough of a good reason to hate someone's guts. I don't see what biology or evolution has to do with it. As far as shared animosity towards cheaters, it just makes sense honestly. People generally look down on those who commit fraud or dishonor "contracts" etc. Cheating is comparable to both of those. As a cheater, it's part of your reputation along with a host of other things. Why would this particular thing not follow you around? They are sentenced to a life with a scarlet letter, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and people disown them as friends like they found out they were a child molester all along or something. Show nested quote +On November 02 2013 07:34 Salv wrote:
You really don't see a difference between something like, cheating on an exam versus betraying another person? See, Betrayed. The perception of stepping outside a relationship is so severely overstated. It's not like your took all her stuff and burned it or mislead the person to get you all kinds of things and strung them along. I think maybe people have differing definitions of what cheating actually is. I'm gonna guess most people think of it as something like 'using' which I actually consider worse than cheating.
So you think cheaters are treated too harshly then? The posts you're making are kind of all over the place, so it's not clear to me what direction you want the discussion to go in.
I mean, would you go into business with someone who has a reputation for treating their business partners unfairly? You might, but it'd be part of the consideration you make before you do. I don't see what the issue actually is. Is it wrong for peoples' reputations to follow them around?
I think betrayal is a fair description. They are in a sort of agreement with their partner which was founded purely on trust rather than on collateral or some other material construct. Breaking that agreement is turning their backs on their partner and trampling on the trust the relationship was founded upon in the first place. What level of scorn does a cheater deserve in your opinion? Is it equivalent to being really rude? Outline your opinion and then people can respond to it.
|
On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters?
There are def some non-western cultures where cheating is not that big a deal. Hell, in China if you have money it's almost to be expected that you have a lot of side biatches. Sure, the girl will wail and cry and shit if you rub it in her face, but really they all know it's going on and just turn a blind eye to it if their credit cards are working.
I remember the first time I was cheated on. It was one of my first sexual long-term relationships and we'd been at it for almost 2 years. Was very traumatic. But man, I'm 28 now and at this point hardly anything fazes me. I've seen and done it all. Cheated, been cheated on, enabled someone else's cheating, been that other guy, etc. And really, there's nothing sacred about any of it. It's just fucking life, man. People get in and out of relationships. People have sex because it feels good. Others have sex because they're in love. It comes in all shapes and sizes and I think it's so fucking stupid to try to make these hard rules about it.
I will say loving someone is really special and is infinitely better than casual. But sometimes you love more than one person. And sometimes you fall out of love with people. And sometimes there are other things going on in life at the moment that make it really inconvenient to break up at that exact moment. So cheating happens. And really who gives a fuck? Life is not a Disney movie and it's not an elementary school class. There are no rules. You just live. And you try to do the best job you can, but sometimes that involves sticking your weewoo in a pretty girl's hooha while another girl in a different place who cares about you goes on with her day none the wiser.
My advice, don't worry about what's right or wrong or better or worse. Every situation is unique. Take things as they come, weigh the pros and cons of each specific situation, and make the best decision you can. Don't try to come up with universal rules for it. That'll just make you less flexible and less efficient.
|
On November 02 2013 14:13 DefMatrixUltra wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2013 13:38 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 02 2013 13:07 DefMatrixUltra wrote:On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits. Yeah but cheaters aren't sentenced to death or life in prison. I honestly don't see your point. I can make some of my clients sound like the lowest forms of life on the planet - doesn't mean shit, and all they've done is wasted my time/money. I don't know why we need to search for some kind of underlying biological/evolutionary reason humans fiercely dislike other humans who cross them, and I think betrayal and shame is enough of a good reason to hate someone's guts. I don't see what biology or evolution has to do with it. As far as shared animosity towards cheaters, it just makes sense honestly. People generally look down on those who commit fraud or dishonor "contracts" etc. Cheating is comparable to both of those. As a cheater, it's part of your reputation along with a host of other things. Why would this particular thing not follow you around? They are sentenced to a life with a scarlet letter, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and people disown them as friends like they found out they were a child molester all along or something. On November 02 2013 07:34 Salv wrote:
You really don't see a difference between something like, cheating on an exam versus betraying another person? See, Betrayed. The perception of stepping outside a relationship is so severely overstated. It's not like your took all her stuff and burned it or mislead the person to get you all kinds of things and strung them along. I think maybe people have differing definitions of what cheating actually is. I'm gonna guess most people think of it as something like 'using' which I actually consider worse than cheating. So you think cheaters are treated too harshly then? The posts you're making are kind of all over the place, so it's not clear to me what direction you want the discussion to go in. I mean, would you go into business with someone who has a reputation for treating their business partners unfairly? You might, but it'd be part of the consideration you make before you do. I don't see what the issue actually is. Is it wrong for peoples' reputations to follow them around? I think betrayal is a fair description. They are in a sort of agreement with their partner which was founded purely on trust rather than on collateral or some other material construct. Breaking that agreement is turning their backs on their partner and trampling on the trust the relationship was founded upon in the first place. What level of scorn does a cheater deserve in your opinion? Is it equivalent to being really rude? Outline your opinion and then people can respond to it.
What I mean to say is that people are obviously lashing out emotionally/irrationally against cheaters in these situations and wear their heart of their sleeve saying whatever they feel which is usually demonizing. Yea, what was done was shitty and arguably weak, but I don't think most people understand why people cheat (there are a number of different reasons and vary by sexes as well). A lot of times cheaters are themselves victims just acting out subconsciously. I think it's important to know what kind of cheater/cheating took place before judgements are passed.
All of this is understandable to most, I guess, but to me it is on the same level of malevolence as the cheating is perceived. The people are treated worse than criminals in most cases.
If someone is a cheater, you lose some respect or trust for them and you be cautious around them you let people know of shady dealings and you stop doing business with them. You don't need all that hatred. Especially when (most cases) people do not know the circumstances, and we are all human and make mistakes.
Now a serial cheater/user is another story.
|
On November 04 2013 19:02 MarlieChurphy wrote:Show nested quote +On November 02 2013 14:13 DefMatrixUltra wrote:On November 02 2013 13:38 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 02 2013 13:07 DefMatrixUltra wrote:On November 02 2013 04:16 MarlieChurphy wrote:On November 01 2013 11:57 MoonfireSpam wrote:On October 31 2013 09:25 MarlieChurphy wrote:On October 31 2013 09:21 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
Kinda comparing apples to oranges. One is a kick in the balls, the other takes away your ability to say that you aren't a colossal bag of shit. Objectively speaking, why do you think there is such animosity toward people who cheat in our society and culture? I think this holds true in non western cultures as well. Like what do you think, if any, is the biological/evolutionary reasoning to hate cheating and cheaters? Because it's nice to think that humans are a bit beyond fucking anything that moves and maybe have a smidge of loyalty / honour. People cheating on each other is a swift reminder that humans aren't actually much better than animals. Yea, but my point is why is there universally such an unbridled hatred for people who cheat in relationships, and not as much for people who cheat at other things? (this community/gaming is not a good example, but in real life) Walk into any cheating conversation and just observe the unrequited sympathy for a cheater. The things people say in these conversations are literally on par with murderers and rapists, im not even joking. Just pretend you are talking about a murder and everything people say still fits. Yeah but cheaters aren't sentenced to death or life in prison. I honestly don't see your point. I can make some of my clients sound like the lowest forms of life on the planet - doesn't mean shit, and all they've done is wasted my time/money. I don't know why we need to search for some kind of underlying biological/evolutionary reason humans fiercely dislike other humans who cross them, and I think betrayal and shame is enough of a good reason to hate someone's guts. I don't see what biology or evolution has to do with it. As far as shared animosity towards cheaters, it just makes sense honestly. People generally look down on those who commit fraud or dishonor "contracts" etc. Cheating is comparable to both of those. As a cheater, it's part of your reputation along with a host of other things. Why would this particular thing not follow you around? They are sentenced to a life with a scarlet letter, 'once a cheater, always a cheater' and people disown them as friends like they found out they were a child molester all along or something. On November 02 2013 07:34 Salv wrote:
You really don't see a difference between something like, cheating on an exam versus betraying another person? See, Betrayed. The perception of stepping outside a relationship is so severely overstated. It's not like your took all her stuff and burned it or mislead the person to get you all kinds of things and strung them along. I think maybe people have differing definitions of what cheating actually is. I'm gonna guess most people think of it as something like 'using' which I actually consider worse than cheating. So you think cheaters are treated too harshly then? The posts you're making are kind of all over the place, so it's not clear to me what direction you want the discussion to go in. I mean, would you go into business with someone who has a reputation for treating their business partners unfairly? You might, but it'd be part of the consideration you make before you do. I don't see what the issue actually is. Is it wrong for peoples' reputations to follow them around? I think betrayal is a fair description. They are in a sort of agreement with their partner which was founded purely on trust rather than on collateral or some other material construct. Breaking that agreement is turning their backs on their partner and trampling on the trust the relationship was founded upon in the first place. What level of scorn does a cheater deserve in your opinion? Is it equivalent to being really rude? Outline your opinion and then people can respond to it. What I mean to say is that people are obviously lashing out emotionally/irrationally against cheaters in these situations and wear their heart of their sleeve saying whatever they feel which is usually demonizing. [1] Yea, what was done was shitty and arguably weak, but I don't think most people understand why people cheat (there are a number of different reasons and vary by sexes as well). A lot of times cheaters are themselves victims just acting out subconsciously. I think it's important to know what kind of cheater/cheating took place before judgements are passed. [2] All of this is understandable to most, I guess, but to me it is on the same level of malevolence as the cheating is perceived. The people are treated worse than criminals in most cases. [3] If someone is a cheater, you lose some respect or trust for them and you be cautious around them you let people know of shady dealings and you stop doing business with them. You don't need all that hatred. Especially when (most cases) people do not know the circumstances, and we are all human and make mistakes. [4] Now a serial cheater/user is another story.
[1] People that are hurt by all manner of harmful actions take it personally and are emotionally charged about it. My question is why is this behavior to be looked down upon, and why is cheating special enough that it deserves a pass?
[2] All manner of offences could be described the same exact way. Victims gain emotional/psychological scarring and lash out as a result. The blame is still on their shoulders, though. No one lets a fraudster off the hook because he lost everything when he was young or similar. There are certainly all manner of factors that influence someone's decision to cheat, but no one puts a gun to their head and forces them - the decision is theirs to make, the offence theirs to commit.
[3] What's more harmful to a person? If a thief breaks into their home while they're away and steals their electronics? Or if someone they love cheated on them? Obviously it depends on exact circumstances, but I hope you can see what I mean. Thievery is a crime, one which can be prosecuted and for which there is a certain level of compensation and closure for the victim. For cheating, there's nothing that can be done - there's no structure in society to punish cheaters so people make their own. It's the same way crooked businessmen and other deceivers are punished in society - harming their reputation.
[4] I think it's reasonably expected (though I wouldn't say "good") that someone who was cheated feels anger proportional to their emotional investment in their SO. Most people who are only involved second- or third-hand do not feel such resentment, but may carry out a campaign against the reputation of the cheater according to their personal level of involvement. This is all fairly sensible imo - it's just a way for society to deal with offences which are not criminal in nature and have no justice structure associated with them.
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
