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I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. And I'm not talking currently, but ever. I'm 24. Now, this is not a pity (well, maybe just a little...) or advice blog but just a slight rant since my frustration is getting out of hand.
I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face. They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing. I'm not really close with my family, I don't have a pet, I don't meet friends often and I'm terrible at using my physical nature to socialize. I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable. I guess that's why I'm so fond of playing and exercising because only on court I can allow myself to use my body freely. No social restrictions or fears. Just you and your reptile brain. I love that feeling of freedom. It's the only reason for me to continue breathing.
So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead. Natural locks in hair but for some reason persistently tries to straighten it. A face I definitely enjoy resting my eyes on. But a personality like a fish. A now defiant fish. At first we got along well. I didn't talk to her that much, but I remember she was friendly and used to somewhat ask things and talk about herself. She even invited me to do things together like spend new years together with her group of friends when I told her I was planning on staying home. I even received a hug once. Wow, right.
Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier. I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me. She stopped looking at me when we talked, saying we were "coworkers" and "not friends". So I also stopped talking to her completely for a week. For some variation. Didn't change much for the better.
At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover.
I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. The only funny thing in this story is that nothing in this even resembles love. I just want to try to be attached to someone. To know what it feels like.
 
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It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me.
At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me".
Is this a joke? You literally have no chance with this woman if she treats you like that (and if you do creepy stuff like smell her jacket). You gotta move on before you drive yourself crazy and do something retarded that will get you locked up in prison. You have a crush on her. Nothing more. Get a crush on somebody else that actually treats you well.
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On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. And I'm not talking currently, but ever. I'm 24. Now, this is not a pity (well, maybe just a little...) or advice blog but just a slight rant since my frustration is getting out of hand. I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face. They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing. I'm not really close with my family, I don't have a pet, I don't meet friends often and I'm terrible at using my physical nature to socialize. I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable. I guess that's why I'm so fond of playing and exercising because only on court I can allow myself to use my body freely. No social restrictions or fears. Just you and your reptile brain. I love that feeling of freedom. It's the only reason for me to continue breathing. So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead. Natural locks in hair but for some reason persistently tries to straighten it. A face I definitely enjoy resting my eyes on. But a personality like a fish. A now defiant fish. At first we got along well. I didn't talk to her that much, but I remember she was friendly and used to somewhat ask things and talk about herself. She even invited me to do things together like spend new years together with her group of friends when I told her I was planning on staying home. I even received a hug once. Wow, right. Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier. I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me. She stopped looking at me when we talked, saying we were "coworkers" and "not friends". So I also stopped talking to her completely for a week. For some variation. Didn't change much for the better. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. The only funny thing in this story is that nothing in this even resembles love. I just want to try to be attached to someone. To know what it feels like.
Read the whole thing, jaw still dropped at "i smelled her jacket".
I honestly have no idea what your purpose is with this blog, I'm really confused and still in shock.
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Well judging by your other posts around the website, I really think you'd benefit from learning how to be nice to other people. Perhaps you could try to meet some other singles, as the girl at work seems to really not want to be around you. Just let it go, she doesn't matter.
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[12:51] * maya has joined #tladt [12:51] <maya> How do you get over knowing that every girl you talk to has had a dick in her mouth?
Shauni you're so suave with women. I'm really amazed you haven't been arrested for sexual assault or been fired for sexual harassment. If Sweden has those things, Europe is weird.
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Going to be honest, this really does read like you want help. All I can say is you gotta get out there and work on it. Interacting with people is very much a skill like any other, and if you aren't naturally adept at it all you can do is go out there and try to improve.
If you keep doing what you have been...nothing is going to happen, unless you really, really luck into some random situation; but that isn't especially common.
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" I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. "
"I smelled her jacket"
This just can't be real, I refuse to believe this.
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I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend.
So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish
Any chance you're batting for the wrong team?
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Assuming you're serious it can probably be reduced to this:
I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable.
Nothing does. The people who are better at this just managed to figure it out without even remembering it or had to put in work to get to the point where it does come natural.
If you want to change you need to be the one to go out there. The one to talk to strangers. The one to slowly but surely learn how to turn those strangers into friends or lovers. It's a skill set like everything else. You can choose to either start working on it or enjoy the pit of misery you're in currently.
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SHAUNI I SHALL BE YOUR FRIEND :3
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On September 21 2013 08:09 PanN wrote:
" I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. "
"I smelled her jacket"
This just can't be real, I refuse to believe this.
It's real. You should hear some of the crap shauni says in IRC. Or see some of his drawings.
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 typical shauni
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Is this blog for real?
edit: wow. you need to go see a shrink.
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Baa?21242 Posts
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I think you need to get a better grasp of social norms and convention
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[QUOTE]On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit.
should have tried to played with her hair at the new years day outing then if he went with it kiss her.. dont stay in the friends zone too long. Slowly show your affection with touch and tell her about her physical figure u described in this. tell her u think shes beautiful first. then go from there. slowly and gradually
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friend zone is too just get her some what comfortable with you in the beginning when she doesnt know u. Need to move up not stay in the same state (friend zone)
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
On September 21 2013 08:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. Show nested quote +So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish Any chance you're batting for the wrong team?
Please no. I fear for my life.
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On September 21 2013 07:57 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote + It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. Show nested quote +At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Is this a joke? You literally have no chance with this woman if she treats you like that (and if you do creepy stuff like smell her jacket). You gotta move on before you drive yourself crazy and do something retarded that will get you locked up in prison. You have a crush on her. Nothing more. Get a crush on somebody else that actually treats you well.
Smell her hair and tell her it smells good.
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EPT
