you do (not) make a girl blog - Page 3

I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you.

Let's begin.

You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'.").

To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is.


Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this.


There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action.


Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please.


Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here.


Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you.


Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something.


It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind.

Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier.

Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them.

Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc.

e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part:


Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh.