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I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. And I'm not talking currently, but ever. I'm 24. Now, this is not a pity (well, maybe just a little...) or advice blog but just a slight rant since my frustration is getting out of hand.
I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face. They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing. I'm not really close with my family, I don't have a pet, I don't meet friends often and I'm terrible at using my physical nature to socialize. I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable. I guess that's why I'm so fond of playing and exercising because only on court I can allow myself to use my body freely. No social restrictions or fears. Just you and your reptile brain. I love that feeling of freedom. It's the only reason for me to continue breathing.
So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead. Natural locks in hair but for some reason persistently tries to straighten it. A face I definitely enjoy resting my eyes on. But a personality like a fish. A now defiant fish. At first we got along well. I didn't talk to her that much, but I remember she was friendly and used to somewhat ask things and talk about herself. She even invited me to do things together like spend new years together with her group of friends when I told her I was planning on staying home. I even received a hug once. Wow, right.
Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier. I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me. She stopped looking at me when we talked, saying we were "coworkers" and "not friends". So I also stopped talking to her completely for a week. For some variation. Didn't change much for the better.
At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover.
I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. The only funny thing in this story is that nothing in this even resembles love. I just want to try to be attached to someone. To know what it feels like.
 
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It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me.
At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me".
Is this a joke? You literally have no chance with this woman if she treats you like that (and if you do creepy stuff like smell her jacket). You gotta move on before you drive yourself crazy and do something retarded that will get you locked up in prison. You have a crush on her. Nothing more. Get a crush on somebody else that actually treats you well.
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On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. And I'm not talking currently, but ever. I'm 24. Now, this is not a pity (well, maybe just a little...) or advice blog but just a slight rant since my frustration is getting out of hand. I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face. They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing. I'm not really close with my family, I don't have a pet, I don't meet friends often and I'm terrible at using my physical nature to socialize. I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable. I guess that's why I'm so fond of playing and exercising because only on court I can allow myself to use my body freely. No social restrictions or fears. Just you and your reptile brain. I love that feeling of freedom. It's the only reason for me to continue breathing. So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead. Natural locks in hair but for some reason persistently tries to straighten it. A face I definitely enjoy resting my eyes on. But a personality like a fish. A now defiant fish. At first we got along well. I didn't talk to her that much, but I remember she was friendly and used to somewhat ask things and talk about herself. She even invited me to do things together like spend new years together with her group of friends when I told her I was planning on staying home. I even received a hug once. Wow, right. Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier. I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me. She stopped looking at me when we talked, saying we were "coworkers" and "not friends". So I also stopped talking to her completely for a week. For some variation. Didn't change much for the better. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. The only funny thing in this story is that nothing in this even resembles love. I just want to try to be attached to someone. To know what it feels like.
Read the whole thing, jaw still dropped at "i smelled her jacket".
I honestly have no idea what your purpose is with this blog, I'm really confused and still in shock.
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Well judging by your other posts around the website, I really think you'd benefit from learning how to be nice to other people. Perhaps you could try to meet some other singles, as the girl at work seems to really not want to be around you. Just let it go, she doesn't matter.
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[12:51] * maya has joined #tladt [12:51] <maya> How do you get over knowing that every girl you talk to has had a dick in her mouth?
Shauni you're so suave with women. I'm really amazed you haven't been arrested for sexual assault or been fired for sexual harassment. If Sweden has those things, Europe is weird.
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Going to be honest, this really does read like you want help. All I can say is you gotta get out there and work on it. Interacting with people is very much a skill like any other, and if you aren't naturally adept at it all you can do is go out there and try to improve.
If you keep doing what you have been...nothing is going to happen, unless you really, really luck into some random situation; but that isn't especially common.
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" I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. "
"I smelled her jacket"
This just can't be real, I refuse to believe this.
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I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend.
So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish
Any chance you're batting for the wrong team?
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Assuming you're serious it can probably be reduced to this:
I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable.
Nothing does. The people who are better at this just managed to figure it out without even remembering it or had to put in work to get to the point where it does come natural.
If you want to change you need to be the one to go out there. The one to talk to strangers. The one to slowly but surely learn how to turn those strangers into friends or lovers. It's a skill set like everything else. You can choose to either start working on it or enjoy the pit of misery you're in currently.
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SHAUNI I SHALL BE YOUR FRIEND :3
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On September 21 2013 08:09 PanN wrote:
" I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. "
"I smelled her jacket"
This just can't be real, I refuse to believe this.
It's real. You should hear some of the crap shauni says in IRC. Or see some of his drawings.
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 typical shauni
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Is this blog for real?
edit: wow. you need to go see a shrink.
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Baa?21242 Posts
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I think you need to get a better grasp of social norms and convention
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[QUOTE]On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit.
should have tried to played with her hair at the new years day outing then if he went with it kiss her.. dont stay in the friends zone too long. Slowly show your affection with touch and tell her about her physical figure u described in this. tell her u think shes beautiful first. then go from there. slowly and gradually
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friend zone is too just get her some what comfortable with you in the beginning when she doesnt know u. Need to move up not stay in the same state (friend zone)
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
On September 21 2013 08:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. Show nested quote +So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish Any chance you're batting for the wrong team?
Please no. I fear for my life.
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On September 21 2013 07:57 Chocolate wrote:Show nested quote + It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. Show nested quote +At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Is this a joke? You literally have no chance with this woman if she treats you like that (and if you do creepy stuff like smell her jacket). You gotta move on before you drive yourself crazy and do something retarded that will get you locked up in prison. You have a crush on her. Nothing more. Get a crush on somebody else that actually treats you well.
Smell her hair and tell her it smells good.
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Will this blog reach puppykiller levels of antagonism?
rofl
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I 1-starred this shit. Why the fuck is this rated so high? Cause you guys think this is funny?
Sure its all fun and games till this all leads up to him ACTUALLY sexually assaulting someone.
I am 100% fucking serious. Good job on letting all of TL know how fucked up you are Shauni.
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On September 21 2013 08:54 Emnjay808 wrote:
I 1-starred this shit. Why the fuck is this rated so high? Cause you guys think this is funny?
Sure its all fun and games till this all leads up to him ACTUALLY sexually assaulting someone.
I am 100% fucking serious. Good job on letting all of TL know how fucked up you are Shauni.
Holy shit.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
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Advice: Get on CL/match/whatever.
Message as many FAT chicks as possible, of all ethnicities - even those you aren't comfortable with. Chat them, up, go on a date, and get them alone somehow.
They will put out.
100% guaranteed.
Confidence boosted.
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So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead.
Wow, you sure know how to tear someone apart lol
And please, don't say beta anymore :/
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I don't understand the title either. Is he telling me I don't make girl blogs? i guess that's true..
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Hong Kong9153 Posts
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On September 21 2013 10:28 Roe wrote:
I don't understand the title either. Is he telling me I don't make girl blogs? i guess that's true..
It's a reference to the Evangelion movies, which always had some sort of (not) thing in their title.
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Whatever you do in life, for the love of God never date someone from work.
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best way to find love, is to do things you love with other people. You share your passion, gaming/sc/athletics with other people. It is the most natural way to do it and other than that I have nothing else to say :x Unfortunately the world does not care about you, and will not help you. You can only help yourself friend
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2nd Worst City in CA8938 Posts
On September 21 2013 10:38 biology]major wrote:
best way to find love, is to do things you love with other people. You share your passion, gaming/sc/athletics with other people. It is the most natural way to do it and other than that I have nothing else to say :x Unfortunately the world does not care about you, and will not help you. You can only help yourself friend
Telling Shauni to do things he loves with other people is unbelievably dangerous.
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On September 21 2013 10:38 biology]major wrote:
best way to find love, is to do things you love with other people. You share your passion, gaming/sc/athletics with other people. It is the most natural way to do it and other than that I have nothing else to say :x Unfortunately the world does not care about you, and will not help you. You can only help yourself friend
Shauni loves rape and bestiality.
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On September 21 2013 08:22 DarkPlasmaBall wrote:Show nested quote +I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. Show nested quote +So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish Any chance you're batting for the wrong team?
Hes bragged about buying male prostitutes before.
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On September 21 2013 10:35 Fumanchu wrote:
Whatever you do in life, for the love of God never date someone from work.
Yeah, not a good idea generally.
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On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:I'm incredibly terrible with women. No girlfriend, no sex, not even a female friend. And I'm not talking currently, but ever. I'm 24. Now, this is not a pity (well, maybe just a little...) or advice blog but just a slight rant since my frustration is getting out of hand. I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face. They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing. I'm not really close with my family, I don't have a pet, I don't meet friends often and I'm terrible at using my physical nature to socialize. I don't really initiate hugs, handshakes, gestures or really anything using my body. It doesn't come naturally to me. I'm like a vegetable. I guess that's why I'm so fond of playing and exercising because only on court I can allow myself to use my body freely. No social restrictions or fears. Just you and your reptile brain. I love that feeling of freedom. It's the only reason for me to continue breathing. So there is this female at work. Actually there's more than one, but this particular girl keeps getting into my brain, on my nerves and even affect emotional state. Her body is tiny and boyish with small breasts and ass, somewhat Arabic skin texture, disproportionately full lips, tired brown eyes and big forehead. Natural locks in hair but for some reason persistently tries to straighten it. A face I definitely enjoy resting my eyes on. But a personality like a fish. A now defiant fish. At first we got along well. I didn't talk to her that much, but I remember she was friendly and used to somewhat ask things and talk about herself. She even invited me to do things together like spend new years together with her group of friends when I told her I was planning on staying home. I even received a hug once. Wow, right. Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier. I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me. She stopped looking at me when we talked, saying we were "coworkers" and "not friends". So I also stopped talking to her completely for a week. For some variation. Didn't change much for the better. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. The only funny thing in this story is that nothing in this even resembles love. I just want to try to be attached to someone. To know what it feels like.
This post easily constitutes a justification for a restraining order.
You should carefully and seriously consider that.
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:/ I really hope things work out for you in the future! I'll be here cheering you on! Keep us updated!
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is this blog for real? All I know about Shauni is that he participated in the SICKEST RACEWARS 
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Disturbing... is this a joke or what?
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
I wish I understood TL inside jokes better
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On September 21 2013 10:35 Fumanchu wrote:
Whatever you do in life, for the love of God never date someone from work.
Don't shit where you eat.
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United States42587 Posts
Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you.
Let's begin.
You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'.").
To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is.
On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. ... It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me/
Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this.
Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else).
There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action.
I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me
Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please.
At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me".
Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here.
And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence.
Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you.
I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover.
Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something.
I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain
It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind.
Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier.
Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them.
Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc.
e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part:
But a personality like a fish.
Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh.
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I happen to think fish are quite charming
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United States42587 Posts
I think they're tasty but that's no basis for pursuing a romantic interest.
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im picturing kwark with boobs while reading this. shit got real.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On September 21 2013 13:58 dAPhREAk wrote:
im picturing kwark with boobs while reading this. shit got real.
(the) Freak.
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On September 21 2013 13:58 dAPhREAk wrote:
im picturing kwark with boobs while reading this. shit got real.
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/yDMFpEI.png)
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I have always pictured KwarK as a Krawk (y'know, from Neopets)... obvious reasons.
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i always mix kwark and kwak up =/
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I can't understand why she has not broken up with her boyfriend and asked you out yet. Please update when this happens!
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On September 21 2013 14:34 MaxField wrote:
I can't understand why she has not broken up with her boyfriend and asked you out yet. Please update when this happens!
No hes has to do the asking out, it doesn't work that way. Just gotta ask her to dump her boyfriend for you and then take a big whiff of her coat. Thats sure to get results.
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Did you lose a bet and have to write this blog?
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You should challenge the boyfriend to a race with the girl as the prize. Once she sees you beat her boyfriend she will be all over you.
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United States42587 Posts
On September 21 2013 14:56 rUiNati0n wrote:
You should challenge the boyfriend to a race with the girl as the prize. Once she sees you beat her boyfriend she will be all over you.
Did that guy ever update?
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
On September 21 2013 14:56 rUiNati0n wrote:
You should challenge the boyfriend to a race with the girl as the prize. Once she sees you beat her boyfriend she will be all over you.
Reference: http://www.teamliquid.net/blogs/viewblog.php?topic_id=416447
On September 21 2013 15:01 KwarK wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 14:56 rUiNati0n wrote:
You should challenge the boyfriend to a race with the girl as the prize. Once she sees you beat her boyfriend she will be all over you. Did that guy ever update?
Nope 
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testie are u friends with this guy
![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/B2BzQEw.png)
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On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. + Show Spoiler +I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you. Let's begin. You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'."). To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is. On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. ... It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me/ Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here. And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind. Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier. Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them. Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc. e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part: But a personality like a fish. Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh.
Hi Kwark's girlfriend. What happens when you two get into an argument? How does arguments even work with Kwark?
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On September 21 2013 16:50 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. + Show Spoiler +I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you. Let's begin. You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'."). To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is. On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. ... It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me/ Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here. And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind. Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier. Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them. Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc. e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part: But a personality like a fish. Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh. Hi Kwark's girlfriend. What happens when you two get into an argument? How does arguments even work with Kwark?
Here's how arguments with KwarK go, from my experience.
Let's say there is disagreement over point A. There are two possibilities:
1) KwarK is right about point A. In this case, he states that he is right over and over, referencing the data at hand and perhaps demonstrating using a sophisticated but silly analogy. Also you are literally the dumbest person he has ever had a disagreement with.
2) KwarK is wrong about point A. This case is much more complex. KwarK's end goal is to be right. He knows he is right about point C and wants to make use of his giant vault of rightness. His plan is to open the vault of rightness at C and have the contents spill out so that B and A become drenched with the odor of his rightness.
KwarK constructs an extremely clever counterpoint to your argument about A that does not address A at all but addresses B. At this point, you are being baited to respond to B. Once you do, the trap is sprung! KwarK pulls out C, something he knows he is right about (refer to 1). You just got dunked.
---------------------------
In order to successfully argue with KwarK, you need to
1) Be right about A.
2) Don't get baited into talking about B.
The More You Know *rainbow shit*
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Ask some tips to puppykiller.
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lol too obvious trolling, but funny
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Kwarks post was not kwark enough. Does not compute...
Although it did make sense; this blog creeped me out big time (and i'm a man >.>)
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On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. ...
You're not fooling anyone.
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United States42587 Posts
On September 21 2013 16:50 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. + Show Spoiler +I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you. Let's begin. You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'."). To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is. On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. ... It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me/ Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here. And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind. Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier. Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them. Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc. e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part: But a personality like a fish. Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh. Hi Kwark's girlfriend. What happens when you two get into an argument? How does arguments even work with Kwark?
When we what?
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On September 21 2013 18:07 Boundz(DarKo) wrote:
lol too obvious trolling, but funny
pls
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On September 21 2013 23:24 Zergneedsfood wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 18:07 Boundz(DarKo) wrote:
lol too obvious trolling, but funny pls
it's okay. ignorance is bliss.
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Interesting that the thread changed topic to KwarK after that post
Probably good too
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See a shrink before they find you with her body parts in your freezer...
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Most of your replies in this blog is not even worth responding to. You're either condescending, trying to have fun at the expense of someone else (read, me) or just offer general advice with no basis or meaning whatsoever (read, therapy). In fact, the only post worth responding to is Kwark's girlfriend or (not) girlfriend. No I lied, I'd like to respond to this post as well.
On September 21 2013 08:26 ninazerg wrote:
SHAUNI I SHALL BE YOUR FRIEND :3
:3
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'."). To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is.
I use the word defiant because it's how I see it. A male inherently feel the need to assess dominance over the woman, it's part of who we are. On a less primal plane however, I feel she's defiant by the principles she sets up for herself. She can forcefully hug me on her own terms (the warmth and embracing nature of the vagina), but whenever I ask her politely to hug or touch me she declines because it's the way for her to stay in control. In fact, I respect her boundaries more than she respects mine. I don't force myself onto her physically. Society is very hypocritical when it balances gender roles (and the acceptance of them) with the more primal nature of the sexes.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this.
Words are not the main means of communication. I feel that women are especially reliant on words. They often ask questions when they are nervous, they open their mouth when they have absolutely nothing to say. To refuse to speak is to give them the 'ball' back, to make them more conscious of their own nature. I think that the annoyance just accumulated, to one point where she started screaming and saying that it'd be best if we didn't work together because she can't keep her cool with me. It was something silly about the keys, apparently I had them on me but I didn't respond to her inquiry so she went around looking for them and then coming back mad with rage since I had them on me. I'd also sometimes make innocent jokes about her being slow-witted and could come off quite blunt which was not part of my intention. She'd take offense at some to me very minor things, not really sensing the atmosphere. I blame my poor social skills for this misunderstanding.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action.
I think you're right, she only acts like a bitch while mirroring my own actions. It's my own 'fault' she acts like this to me. Not looking at someone you're having a conversation with and trying to purposefully retort some unengaging response no matter what you say is a bit disrespectful though.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please.
I think this was misinterpreted by some, I didn't smell the jacket she was wearing currently, I merely picked it up, smelled at it and asked if it was hers. I barely even did it consciously. And grown men still use scent and body odor to determine their partner. I don't see anything wrong here. If you think a girl smells nice, obviously you want to keep smelling her with every opportunity you can get.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here.
Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you.
Again, it's not that she's ignoring my existence that's the frustrating part, it's more like she's displaying her boyfriend and his dominance over her saying "this is not attainable for you in this life span". Of course it's frustrating, it's like a part of you is being severed.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something.
You're being very judgmental. I don't see any right or wrong in these actions. The actions committed by human being are inherently what makes them human beings. Men would not be men without their possessive nature. Women would not be women without their submissive but manipulative nature. I don't believe in hurting other human beings, but I don't judge people who do. You could also be George Sodini with the "correct" circumstances. The case is pretty interesting to read about actually.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind.
Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier.
I like this advice. I think they can be intertwined though. I'm actually trying to perfect my deadlift form, my posture and do yoga. It's meaningful for my goals.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them.
Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc.
It's true what you say, I shouldn't feel entitled to any type of human contact or intimacy. I dehumanize women, sexualize them and still crave their attention. It's kind of pathetic, like a lowly worm trying to crawl up the girl's leg while avoiding being squashed.
On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:
Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh.
I've never met a female with an interesting personality, but really I do like her. I just don't care about her personality. I like her body, I like her smell, I like her expressions. I'd like her body close. Actually, there are other bodies I'd like too, but she's been occupying my mind so much unwillingly lately so naturally I'll write about her.
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People are people but when you use terms like "male" and "female" you sound like a werdio. You gotta change at least your language before any one is gonna take you seriously. It seems like you're the problem and you should be grateful her boyfriend didn't kick your ass.
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It seems to me like you're the one that doesn't know how to interact appropriately. Sorry, I know it's not the answer you're looking for.
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damn
this is some fucked up shit. even more so after reading your response above.
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Give up and order one from overseas.
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I think that the annoyance just accumulated, to one point where she started screaming and saying that it'd be best if we didn't work together because she can't keep her cool with me. It was something silly about the keys, apparently I had them on me but I didn't respond to her inquiry so she went around looking for them and then coming back mad with rage since I had them on me. I'd also sometimes make innocent jokes about her being slow-witted.
To translate to something normal people understand. This girl needed keys at work to do her job. She asked Shauni for them. He had them. He just stared at her. She went around, and eventually found out that he had the keys, didn't give them to her because he was too busy staring at her, and gets upset. Or he would call her stupid, or something to that nature. Then he comes onto IRC and asks people for advise on her "route", like its an eroge or something. I'm not joking.
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Jesus fucking christ you are a screwed up little creep.
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On September 22 2013 11:50 -Kaiser- wrote:
Jesus fucking christ you are a screwed up little creep.
I blame the internet.
The sad thing is his post just a few posters above desperately attempts to legitimize his warped sense of reality. Shit, if I was the girl's boyfriend I'd probably beat the shit of this kid, he's far beyond "socially awkward" and into the realm of batshit insane.
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Well you sure failed on the "be nice to others" thing, troll or not troll.
Edit: and you sound like a rapist (read, "That defiant bitch, I like her smell and crave her body").
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Alarm bells should be going off in your head when so many people call you out on your behavior based on your own blog (which, in most cases, shows off the writer in a much better light ... but your POV is flat-out creepy). Tbh, there's very little that is defensible in your actions except your inaction. You should go seek help, even if you haven't acted on anything, because all it takes is one slip, and you'll have harmed another person. :/
And when you feel up to it, maybe you should get a dog and give it unconditional love and receive its unconditional love. Dogs make people better people. Just make sure you're ready to care for one.
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1001 YEARS KESPAJAIL22272 Posts
Uh. Okay so since this apparently fo realz
A male inherently feel the need to assess dominance over the woman, it's part of who we are.
what
I ask her politely to hug or touch me she declines because it's the way for her to stay in control.
No, it's because randomly asking for hugs, especially from girls, is weird. Unless there is a good reason for it, like your puppy died or something.
Also, "touch me"????
It was something silly about the keys, apparently I had them on me but I didn't respond to her inquiry so she went around looking for them and then coming back mad with rage since I had them on me.
You had the keys, she needed them, you didn't give it to her. If it were just any keys then maybe it would have been okay, but it was for work. You don't do that to a colleague. She had every right to be mad.
Not looking at someone you're having a conversation with and trying to purposefully retort some unengaging response no matter what you say is a bit disrespectful though.
And staring at someone blankly without answering them, "trying to purposefully retort some unengaging response" as you say, and not giving them what they need for work is also disrespectful. Maybe she overreacted a bit but you really made it easy for her to do so with the jacket sniffing and shit.
I think this was misinterpreted by some, I didn't smell the jacket she was wearing currently, I merely picked it up, smelled at it and asked if it was hers.
How is this any less creepy? You smelled a random jacket and assumed it was hers because of the scent? Personal space isn't just physical, man
And all this rationalization with 'science' (choosing mates based on pheromones, male dominance, whatever) doesn't excuse your socially unacceptable behavior.
Men would not be men without their possessive nature. Women would not be women without their submissive but manipulative nature. I don't believe in hurting other human beings, but I don't judge people who do.
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I dehumanize women, sexualize them and still crave their attention. It's kind of pathetic, like a lowly worm trying to crawl up the girl's leg while avoiding being squashed.
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I just don't care about her personality. I like her body, I like her smell, I like her expressions. I'd like her body close.
Serious stalker/rapist vibe, yo
Stop trying to rationalize and explain away your behavior. Just because you think you mean one thing, does not excuse how you express it. Even if you mean "hello", if you end up saying "shit", it's still shit.
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This guy gives off an insanely strong vibe that he was born without certain vital things that allow a person to be normal and was never taught what he was missing and how to fix it.
Unfortunately for this guy, he hasn't learned young. He'll need years to re-wire his brain, and that's if he's willing to acknowledge that he's fairly fucked up and willing to go through the massive effort of fixing himself.
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On September 22 2013 12:42 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
This guy gives off an insanely strong vibe that he was born without certain vital things that allow a person to be normal and was never taught what he was missing and how to fix it.
Unfortunately for this guy, he hasn't learned young. He'll need years to re-wire his brain, and that's if he's willing to acknowledge that he's fairly fucked up and willing to go through the massive effort of fixing himself.
Not ganna happen because according to him we "know nothing about the situation" and are "completely baseless".
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Ok Shauni. We don't understand the situation, and we don't know you either. All we know is a couple paragraphs of text that we can interpret any way we wish. So I can understand why you don't take a lot of what we say seriously. However you have to look at the end result of your actions. The end result is that you offended or threatened someone so badly that they cut all communication with you and go out of their way just to avoid you. That's not just slightly bad, that's REALLY bad. There is no course of respectable action that will result in that kind of thing. So when you say that you don't see any right or wrong in what you did, you are mistaken, because there's a something or many things wrong that you did in order to get to your current situation. I respect that you came here asking for advice instead of just carrying on with what you do. Since we give advice not fully knowing you or the situation, you can still take the advice to heart, but if you don't, then you have to figure out what went wrong. I am NOT okay with you just walking away from here doing what you do and thinking it's just being human. I don't know you, I don't know the situation, but I do know the end result, and I'm scared that you might hurt someone next time.
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United States42587 Posts
The posts made on my account other than this one were not by the KwarK you all know and love but rather by someone KwarK knows and loves. I have an alibi. I was doing this while this blog was made.
http://toughmudder.co.uk/
Why not train for one of those Shauni. You get a headband and everything.
e: LADYLAND CHECKING IN AGAIN. I didn't want to double post.
On September 22 2013 12:42 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
This guy gives off an insanely strong vibe that he was born without certain vital things that allow a person to be normal and was never taught what he was missing and how to fix it.
Unfortunately for this guy, he hasn't learned young. He'll need years to re-wire his brain, and that's if he's willing to acknowledge that he's fairly fucked up and willing to go through the massive effort of fixing himself.
You're absolutely right. I don't think that his defensiveness is out of line though -- it's natural to get a little defensive when someone's telling you that you're a massive fucking creep and that you remind them of a really fucked up guy who killed three people because he couldn't get laid because he was a massive creep and generally unpleasant. All we can hope for is that some of it sinks in a little and he does start therapy and that he doesn't inflict himself upon a woman until he completes his personal journey.
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KwarK if it is indeed your girlfriend, why doesn't she register an account here?
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Lalalaland34490 Posts
She does have an account here but if she had to use that she wouldn't be able to ban creeps etc.
Anyway I'd like to verify that everything Def described about arguing with Kwark is true.
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On September 22 2013 12:49 CecilSunkure wrote:Show nested quote +On September 22 2013 12:42 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
This guy gives off an insanely strong vibe that he was born without certain vital things that allow a person to be normal and was never taught what he was missing and how to fix it.
Unfortunately for this guy, he hasn't learned young. He'll need years to re-wire his brain, and that's if he's willing to acknowledge that he's fairly fucked up and willing to go through the massive effort of fixing himself. Not ganna happen because according to him we "know nothing about the situation" and are "completely baseless".
At the very least I'm not baseless. I've gone through something a lot worse than this guy; similar type of problem, but on an entirely different level. I've got a lot of experience and knowledge about dealing with this kind of issue.
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On September 21 2013 08:27 Kaal wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 08:09 PanN wrote:
" I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain. "
"I smelled her jacket"
This just can't be real, I refuse to believe this. It's real. You should hear some of the crap shauni says in IRC. Or see some of his drawings.
I feel like this hasn't gotten enough attention. Can we see some drawings, please.
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United States42587 Posts
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that.
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On September 23 2013 03:52 KwarK wrote:
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that.
It's incredibly disturbing, I was just hoping for some extra evidence in case I ever find out his employer. I'm legitimately worried he's going to hurt someone.
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On September 23 2013 04:24 -Kaiser- wrote:Show nested quote +On September 23 2013 03:52 KwarK wrote:
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that. It's incredibly disturbing, I was just hoping for some extra evidence in case I ever find out his employer. I'm legitimately worried he's going to hurt someone.
Guys like you are incredibly disturbing, trying to ruin someones life in order to feel better for yourself. Go somewhere else with your condescending attitude. Nobody is afraid of me and I'm not a danger to anyone but myself. You idiots keep bandwagoning and exaggerating things because your own lives lack excitement.
On September 23 2013 03:52 KwarK wrote:
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that.
I've had sessions before with different therapists, not exclusively about this but more in general about my social life. I found that they didn't benefit me much though for various reasons. Plus it's kind of difficult to talk about women issues when the therapist herself is a young attractive woman.
In general, they often bother me too much with 'concrete goals' and 'reason for seeking therapy'. I don't know what to reply to such things. I can't really say I resent women because it's not fully true.
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Lalalaland34490 Posts
So find a male therapist.
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United States42587 Posts
Ask your doctor for a different therapist then. You can't go on living the rest of your life like this. You've got like 70+ years to go, invest in sorting your shit out and finding some happiness. You can help this get better. Also, and I want you to read this carefully, even if you choose not to get any help, please, please recognise that it is you who has a problem and this is not the fault of those who you interact with. If someone communicates a boundary to you, respect that.
If they demand a reason for seeking therapy print out this blog along with your replies in it and let them have a read.
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I know this feeling. Just do what feels natural. Listen to your heart and body and soul
My parents made me visit a therapist when I was in high school. He was an old guy with lots of experience and I found it hard to open up to him but looking at the situation retrospectively I wish I had
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United States42587 Posts
Do not listen to your heart, body and soul. Your impulses cannot be trusted, your impulses are what have you, in your own words "defiling" a Skyrim character you made in her likeness. Listen to your head when it tells you that this behaviour is not normal and needs fixing.
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On September 22 2013 12:42 AnachronisticAnarchy wrote:
This guy gives off an insanely strong vibe that he was born without certain vital things that allow a person to be normal and was never taught what he was missing and how to fix it.
Unfortunately for this guy, he hasn't learned young. He'll need years to re-wire his brain, and that's if he's willing to acknowledge that he's fairly fucked up and willing to go through the massive effort of fixing himself.
Hey i don't agree with this. I kind of had the same thing, where i would go for the women who i didn't really understand. OP, it sounds liek you're going for the wrong type of women. You need to go for the ones who understand you on a personal level so you act like a real person. Not someone who is smelling jackets. It's not the act of using one's nose that's weird.. it's just icky.. and invasive man. you're trying to be too close. She doesn't like you lik ethat. find someone else.
Pink and purple are girl colours. Blue is a boy colour.
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you know when you have that moment of realization your perception of the world is just completely wrong, or at least not as close to reality as you would have hoped? Yeah I believe that would be useful to you. Everything you say is based on the assumption that your perception is close to reality. Everyone in this thread will say your perception is highly distorted and not even close to the truth, but you have to see it for yourself. Otherwise, no one can help you
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Shauni, as of now you portray yourself as a creep, everyone agrees you seem like a creep, and you might even have a mental issue. Or you are just trolling. The only way you can possibly redeem yourself is to make a vlog explaining the story a bit better (after all verbal/written communication is far less powerful than nonverbal).
If you really want help and this shit is for real, do the vlog it's your only saving grace and hope for help in courting women.
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United States42587 Posts
Don't do that.
I guess it's because it's online and some people have trouble working out what is and isn't okay when dealing with other people online but even so, the people here trying to get some kind of vicarious enjoyment from this trainwreck ought to reflect on what they're doing. Maybe we shouldn't try extra hard to alienate and publicly humiliate Shauni, given what he's written so far.
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You're all being a little mean here. Maybe he just needs a friend to talk things through with, over some drinks.
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On September 23 2013 08:32 Xyik wrote:
You're all being a little mean here. Maybe he just needs a friend to talk things through with, over some drinks.
Maybe he'd have friends to talk to if he wasn't such an asshole to everyone.
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+1 to therapy.
You posts display a complete lack of empathy and an attempt to justify one's behavior as a natural consequence of some misunderstood biological laws. It is not your fault you were born like this, but it is your fault if you identify this problem and do not try to fix it. Seek help, and if one doctor does not help you, find another, and then another, until you find the one that works for you.
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On September 23 2013 08:57 Ender985 wrote:
+1 to therapy.
You posts display a complete lack of empathy and an attempt to justify one's behavior as a natural consequence of some misunderstood biological laws. It is not your fault you were born like this, but it is your fault if you identify this problem and do not try to fix it. Seek help, and if one doctor does not help you, find another, and then another, until you find the one that works for you.
A thousand thumbs! Lack of empathy isn't the serial-killer trademark most people make it out to be. In actuality, it is the inability to understand people that are not you, and it usually leads to some pretty fucked up psychology due to repeated failures to satisfy basic human urges; like companionship and girlfriends. A person with a lack of empathy may even be able to understand human beings at an extraordinary level at the theoretical level, but fail repeatedly to successfully apply their knowledge in day-to-day social interaction.
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Tbh with your responses that seem cold and void of emotion, you sound a lot like dexter in the shows early season's. Not understanding social norms and trying to justify your behavior. Dude if you receive 100 responses and 90+ are saying it's not her it's you, then logic kinda dictates that it is indeed you.
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Hello Shauni, I'm not entirely sure what you want to get from posting this, and I don't really see any specific request on your part for the type of response you want but I will try my best here to give you some input that's useful for you to work with.
I don't like that you call her a bitch, and describe her behaviour as being like a bitch. It's worth considering that she's just very fed up with you for reasons that make a heck of a lot of sense. Maybe you could instead look at what you're doing that is upsetting her and consider why it is upsetting her, not as some stupid bitch but instead as a reasonable human being. From there you could look at how to actually change your behaviour to get on better terms with her and fix this situation you find so undesirable. Unfortunately it is likely that it will no longer be possible for you to ever get the type of physical relationship you wanted with her in the first place. This does however bring up a question I end up having many times while reading your post: Why do you so desperately want a to be attached to someone? And why are you focusing so much on her in particular? At the end you talk about just desperately wanting that type of relationship but then if that's all you want then why not just pursue another girl, infact you'd probably be better off doing so because you've really sabotaged your chances with her with how you've behaved towards her.
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On September 23 2013 06:08 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On September 23 2013 04:24 -Kaiser- wrote:On September 23 2013 03:52 KwarK wrote:
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that. It's incredibly disturbing, I was just hoping for some extra evidence in case I ever find out his employer. I'm legitimately worried he's going to hurt someone. Guys like you are incredibly disturbing, trying to ruin someones life in order to feel better for yourself. Go somewhere else with your condescending attitude. Nobody is afraid of me and I'm not a danger to anyone but myself. You idiots keep bandwagoning and exaggerating things because your own lives lack excitement. Show nested quote +On September 23 2013 03:52 KwarK wrote:
Honestly he should seek counselling rather than making blogs on tl. Gender relations are difficult and complicated and some of us don't get them at first but you can get help. Nobody here needs to see or hear anything more from Shauni, he's said more than enough already without us needing drawings. This is beyond joke territory, this is someone out there in the world with a lot of anger towards women which needs addressing, not only for his personal wellbeing but also just for general public safety. This is not funny, it's disturbing.
Talk to a medical professional, say you feel you have a lot of anger and resentment towards women and that you'd like to address that. I've had sessions before with different therapists, not exclusively about this but more in general about my social life. I found that they didn't benefit me much though for various reasons. Plus it's kind of difficult to talk about women issues when the therapist herself is a young attractive woman. In general, they often bother me too much with 'concrete goals' and 'reason for seeking therapy'. I don't know what to reply to such things. I can't really say I resent women because it's not fully true.
If you can't be honest with your therapist you're wasting your time and money there. I would say you should find a male therapist who can relate with your issues and after you can come to terms with them, find a female therapist who maybe isn't so attractive and continue in your treatment with a female mind who has that alternative viewpoint.
Therapy is like the gym for your mind, you gotta go for a long time before you see any results, and if you stop you can see those results dwindle away again.
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On September 23 2013 13:42 demonym wrote:
Hello Shauni, I'm not entirely sure what you want to get from posting this, and I don't really see any specific request on your part for the type of response you want but I will try my best here to give you some input that's useful for you to work with.
I don't like that you call her a bitch, and describe her behaviour as being like a bitch. It's worth considering that she's just very fed up with you for reasons that make a heck of a lot of sense. Maybe you could instead look at what you're doing that is upsetting her and consider why it is upsetting her, not as some stupid bitch but instead as a reasonable human being. From there you could look at how to actually change your behaviour to get on better terms with her and fix this situation you find so undesirable. Unfortunately it is likely that it will no longer be possible for you to ever get the type of physical relationship you wanted with her in the first place. This does however bring up a question I end up having many times while reading your post: Why do you so desperately want a to be attached to someone? And why are you focusing so much on her in particular? At the end you talk about just desperately wanting that type of relationship but then if that's all you want then why not just pursue another girl, infact you'd probably be better off doing so because you've really sabotaged your chances with her with how you've behaved towards her.
I don't call her a bitch in person, and while I didn't describe it in the post... To put some contrast, she's very kind for the most part. Maybe a bit prude and spoiled, but kind at heart. Yet I actually find that cold repellent attitude somewhat attractive. There's nothing more dull than a constantly nice girl. So since I sabotaged my incredibly slim (if any) chances with her, is there any reason not to make her keep that attitude? There's nothing to fix to begin with.
Don't all human beings want to be attached to someone else? I don't understand your question exactly. Desperately? It's not as if my life is centered around making contact with females, it's a girl blog so obviously the focus will be on them. I'm sure I can endure the rest of my span without any sort of intimacy. I don't just pursue and date girls randomly, I won't even talk to a female unless she knows me well and is comfortable around me. And how does that happen you say? With time. You don't have to be a pickup master or a charismatic god as long as you have time. Human beings are just like any animal in this regard, you visit a pack of deer every day for a year, slowly coming closer every day and surely they'll let you pet them by the end of the year.
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So you like her to be rude towards you and so you piss her off intentionally to prompt that. So what's the problem then? I seriously doubt all you want from her is just to have her "behave like a bitch" towards you, it seems like you don't think you'll get any better and so you are just grabbing what you can from her. I don't buy that you aren't desperate though, your post comes off as Very desperate.
"I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face."
This is not a minor thing nor I think all that normal either, and it comes off as very desperate behaviour (creepy).
"Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier."
Why would your heart stop if it was not a big deal to you, you clearly want her for whatever reason.
"I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain."
Actually the idea that you're pissing her off intentionally just to get all that you think you can from her is convincing enough about how desperate you are. How can you make this problem out not to be a big deal and like your life isn't centered around it when it's affecting you so strongly, You're clearly spending a lot of time just trying to deal with this. Odds are your life really is centered around it, or at least has been.
You mentioned "There's nothing to fix to begin with." That's only half true, at the moment there's nothing for you to get out of changing your situation with her given what you've said. The thing to fix however is that you are so obsessed that you need to keep playing this game with her.
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On September 21 2013 16:50 Chairman Ray wrote:Show nested quote +On September 21 2013 13:18 KwarK wrote:Hello, this is KwarK's girlfriend. + Show Spoiler +I'm very concerned about you, Shauni. Nobody is saying it so I'm not sure if they're beating around the bush because they want to spare your feelings or if they're having too much fun at your expense, but it is important that you are told in a straightforward manner that you are extremely creepy. Just reading this post made me afraid for any women who find themselves near you. Let's begin. You describe this girl as "a now-defiant fish." What or whom is she defying? It is important to analyze your word usage here. Defiance typically denotes a resistance to some kind of power or authority. You have no power or authority over this woman. She is defying nothing by saying "I don't want anything to do with you." She is clearly communicating that she does not want to engage with you on any level that is not absolutely necessary ("At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like 'don't touch me' and 'don't look at me'."). To reiterate, this woman has communicated a boundary to you. When someone communicates boundaries to you, it is important that you respect those boundaries. I am not a licensed professional, but here is some information on respecting others' boundaries and why it is important. I think it would also be beneficial to you to read up on how to respond to someone who does not respect your personal boundaries so that there are not any questions remaining about why this woman is acting the way she is. On September 21 2013 07:51 Shauni wrote:
I used to joke a bit with her, mostly innocent (beta) things and sometimes when she asked me (stupid) questions I wouldn't answer but just stare at her sheepishly. ... It was a bit tense at first, she'd try to change her hours so she wouldn't work with me/ Okay. When you are trying to make polite small talk/conversation with someone and they just stare and you, that's unnerving. "Um... did he not hear me? What is he thinking about? Oh god, he's just staring at me and not saying anything..." If it happens often enough, it's irritating. I think you're leaving something out of this part of the story, because it doesn't follow that the timeline goes from you staring at her to her trying to switch her hours to avoid you. That's fine, you don't have to tell us what the missing piece is, but you do need to identify it to yourself and think about why those actions caused her to feel unsafe or uncomfortable enough around you to avoid you like this. Apparently this annoyed her greatly and transformed her into a gigantic bitch (yet a kind bitch to everyone else). There is no reason you should call this woman a bitch for wishing to feel safe and comfortable in her work environment. There is nothing bitchy about that action. I'd comment on silly stuff like her fingernails being uneven or smell her jacket and she'd freak out at me. I did these stupid things mostly out of frustration of her emotionally dead state toward me Smelling someone's jacket is weird. I don't know what else to say about that one. She freaked out at you because you'd done it after she'd made attempts to distance herself from you because you were making her uncomfortable. The correct way to respond to a person being cold towards you is to give them the space they desire instead of acting out in order to receive more attention from them. You're a grown-ass man. Act like an adult, please. At present, the only (non work related) things she will say are things like "don't touch me" and "don't look at me". Please see the above section regarding personal boundaries. Again, she is communicating personal boundaries here. And at night, when we close the store, her boyfriend is waiting, coming up to kiss her and play with her hair as they slowly walk away... fully ignoring my existence. Yep. Fully ignoring your existence because she's stated that she does not want you to look at her, touch her, and that she does not want to be friends with you. I can almost sympathize with what acts jealously drives men to commit. Unagi is an amazing film I recently saw on this subject. Won't delve into film and art in a girl blog, but the synopsis is a man reflecting on his life and starting 'anew' after murdering his wife and her lover. Red flags everywhere. Jealous men commit acts of unspeakable brutality because they feel that they have the right to possess something that does not want to or cannot be possessed. A jealous man kills his ex-girlfriend's new partner because he feels that she belongs to him and has no free will of her own; essentially, he dehumanizes her in his mind. Not okay. Very, very not okay. This is also not-so-vaguely reminiscent of George Sodini, the Pennsylvania man who entered a health club and shot & killed three women before killing himself, citing a deep hatred for women and not having been laid since like 1990 or something. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain It's reassuring and encouraging to hear that this only brought you temporary relief. While I'm happy that you chose a safe and ultimately harmless environment in which to vent your frustrations, do not make a habit of this. I am not sure exactly what you mean by "...defiled" and I do not fully want to know, but whatever it was, acting out violence upon some kind of avatar for an actual person isn't healthy and it may lead you to dehumanize the person in your mind. Instead, consider picking up some more activities when you're feeling like defiling a Skyrim model. Pick up a couch-to-5k program, look into kayaking or rowing if you live near water, look for a crossfit class, perfect your deadlift form or pick up a used guitar and teach yourself to play. Hell, take yoga classes. That shit rules. Just channel your energy into something that ultimately improves your life by making you smarter, healthier, or just plain happier. Finally, you're right. Nothing in your post approaches love. You don't know what love is, unfortunately. I feel like you see women around you as not-quite-people who owe you things and who are bitches if they do not give you the attention you feel you deserve. You do not garner affection and love by overstepping or completely ignoring other people's boundaries or by making little Skyrim voodoo dolls and harming them. Hopefully you'll have a lot of personal development in your future and you can look back on this stage in your life and help others avoid the mistakes you made. Until then, please do not smell anyone else's jackets or employ any other attention-getting tactics when someone's not paying enough attention to you. Best wishes, good luck, safe travels, etc. e: I got so distracted reading about George Sodini that I completely skipped over this part: But a personality like a fish. Uh, what? What do you want with her in the first place if you don't even like her? Was this a creative writing exercise and I just missed the prompt? Yeesh. Hi Kwark's girlfriend. What happens when you two get into an argument? How does arguments even work with Kwark?
I'm not his GF, but I am someone who argues with him regularly.
It is impossible. Even if he's 'wrong' he will argue that you should have never listened to him in the first place and you are a retard for doing so. When in a game with him, if you don't listen to him, you'll get similar treatment.
It's a lose/lose situation and one rather fun to engage in 
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Shauni
It's unfortunate because people treat you like an asshole and are pretty mean to you and it provides a very negative feedback loop
But the main issue is that in the real world that's just what people do when you don't fit in and when they don't understand you. Most people eventually learn to game the system to an amount they have to and fight against it. Some sick people actually believe in the system and act all high and mighty about it
Still, if you have a goal, part of achieving that goal is going to need you to game the system a bit too, and that's just how it is. It's gonna involve doing things that you don't want to do to achieve the results you want to get (even if the result is a little bit more self confidence and happiness)
It's not easy, pretty daunting and will result in a lot of failure, but nothing in life that's worth it is easy and every path to success is littered with failure.
This is i guess, the REAL advice that will help (compared to most of the bullshit you're reading from people who think they are somehow morally superior to you or something)
I still love you shauni <3
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don't plan for meeting people like how you meet deer tho
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Maybe try playing some team sports, Shauni. Since that's something you like to do, that'd probably give you an environment to socialize in. Still, you have to initiate and get out of your comfort zone if you want to change this part of you that you don't like. However, having that easy environment to do it always helps.
+ Show Spoiler +Is this why you always did those mean cheeses to me??? T.T
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On September 24 2013 01:01 demonym wrote:
So you like her to be rude towards you and so you piss her off intentionally to prompt that. So what's the problem then? I seriously doubt all you want from her is just to have her "behave like a bitch" towards you, it seems like you don't think you'll get any better and so you are just grabbing what you can from her. I don't buy that you aren't desperate though, your post comes off as Very desperate.
"I recently noticed something slightly off during my badminton exercises. Whenever I shake hands with a female after a match I'm so reluctant to let go. Usually you just want to clap or high 5 but I want to keep holding that hand so badly. The soft sensation of someone else's body warmth and fluids emitting to your own. It's probably such a minor thing, if I mentioned it to the girls, they would most likely react with a disgusted 'eww, that's so creepy' face."
This is not a minor thing nor I think all that normal either, and it comes off as very desperate behaviour (creepy).
"Well, things changed for the worse. I don't remember exactly if it was in relation to her getting a boyfriend (my heart stopped for a second when she told me this) or if it started earlier."
Why would your heart stop if it was not a big deal to you, you clearly want her for whatever reason.
"I don't know what to do with all this frustration. I tried to bicycle home from work for hours with all my might. I tried to make a Skyrim model of her being...defiled. But those things are only briefly, shallowly easing my pain."
Actually the idea that you're pissing her off intentionally just to get all that you think you can from her is convincing enough about how desperate you are. How can you make this problem out not to be a big deal and like your life isn't centered around it when it's affecting you so strongly, You're clearly spending a lot of time just trying to deal with this. Odds are your life really is centered around it, or at least has been.
You mentioned "There's nothing to fix to begin with." That's only half true, at the moment there's nothing for you to get out of changing your situation with her given what you've said. The thing to fix however is that you are so obsessed that you need to keep playing this game with her.
Yeah, you're right that I might not just come off as a bit desperate. I can restrain myself from acting out my desperation, but in reality I am pretty desperate. I admit it. But it's not as if I'm some inherently evil monster, that I somehow was born as a pathetic and desperate man-child. The reason I'm grasping for every little straw of affection and attention is because that's the only way I know to survive. I don't normally receive any affection and while some human beings can connect through dialogue, I only know how to disconnect. Conversations never do anything for me but serve to alienate and sever me further from a sense of belonging. And since I'm not very good with initiating physical contact either, it leaves me with nothing but these minor, desperate actions to initiate some kind of connection.
And while it sounds logical like some of you say, to go out and socialize, to accumulate experience through failure... That only works if the conversation brings some sort of pleasure or sense of fulfillment. It's like saying you have to learn B in order to go from A to C. But I don't believe conversation through manipulation. I'll never learn B unless I actually find it meaningful in itself without any end goal.
It's like lifting weights with the sole purpose of getting laid. Or dressing up in order to receive the attention of men. Not doing it because you enjoy lifting and it's benefits, or you like what you wear, but doing it for a wholly different. I think it's terrible and I won't do it.
On September 25 2013 05:39 ketomai wrote:Maybe try playing some team sports, Shauni. Since that's something you like to do, that'd probably give you an environment to socialize in. Still, you have to initiate and get out of your comfort zone if you want to change this part of you that you don't like. However, having that easy environment to do it always helps. + Show Spoiler +Is this why you always did those mean cheeses to me??? T.T
Well, badminton is sort of a team sport. You can speculate as to why, but I'm actually terrible at teamplay, from 2v2 in BW to doubles in badminton or a whole team like in football. It's not that I'm egoistical, it's more that I have problems predicting my allies behavior which often distracts me from focusing on what the opponents are doing, a 2v2 is more like an 1v3 to me since I can't be comfortable with how my ally moves. You could say it's like an issue of trust. But yeah, the setting is incredibly important. I hate to admit this because I don't like predictability, but I always feel uneasy and nervous in new settings and situations. It takes forever for me to grow accustomed to the setting and even attempting to 'fit in'.
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5003 Posts
Conversations never do anything for me but serve to alienate and sever me further from a sense of belonging. And since I'm not very good with initiating physical contact either, it leaves me with nothing but these minor, desperate actions to initiate some kind of connection.
From what I know you have pretty interesting hobbies, and you have a lot of things to say about films and media in general. Why not try and go to indie movie theaters or something and talk about movies there, join discussions, start discussions? Worth a shot.
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You should talk because its awesome feeling part of a community with other people who have their unique view points and experiences.
You should work out because it feels awesome doing something good for your body and hence yourself. The increased confidence and appearance may result in getting you laid, but getting laid is a poor reason to work out.
Maybe you should try dressing up to receive the attention of men though, you said you don't find girls interesting personality wise so you never know...
Nice to see you'll at least vent on a forum though, but you gotta man up and take responsibility for your own happiness.
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"But it's not as if I'm some inherently evil monster, that I somehow was born as a pathetic and desperate man-child."
I'm going to try to make this as clear as I can: I'm not here to tell you that you're a horrible bad person. My intent is the same as it was when I posted my first post. I'm merely trying to offer input that's useful for you to work with. This often entails pointing to things that I see as dishonest.
You claim to be restraining yourself from acting out your desperations but if what you say is true, that you're left with nothing more than minor desperate interactions to inititate some sort of connection. Then it follows that suppressing your desperation is going to mean not trying to connect to others period. That doesn't sound like a managable task to me. It strikes me that the problem isn't a matter of figuring out how to suppress yourself but instead to not need to. Which means you're going to need to find another way to connect to people.
The idea that "Conversations never do anything for me but serve to alienate and sever me further from a sense of belonging." is not as odd as it may sound. I don't know much about the ways you've tried to connect to people through conversation. I do know this much though, if you're as different as I think you are then trying to talk to others like how they do as a means of connecting to them will never work. They're able to connect to each other so easily because they have an easier time relating to each other. They have an easier time relating to each other because they're already more alike to each other. This may already be obvious to you but you do appear quite different compared to other people, essentially you're odd or weird or however you wanna put it. What this means however is that you can't just immitate their ways, you have to figure out your own ways from the ground up. The more different you are the more you have to do to find a way to relate (connect) to others.
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On September 22 2013 10:35 Shauni wrote:
A male inherently feel the need to assess dominance over the woman, it's part of who we are.
Follwing the Cloud method of pua I see!!
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you might think conversation cannot do anything for you, but you are wrong. i believe the problem there is that you just don't engage in conversation very often, and by your own admission turn defensive when they do happen. of course you won't be able to enjoy any conversation like that. i think what you should do is put yourself in random situations where you end up communicating with people, both the ones you already know as well as - and i think this is the most critical part - people you don't know. how can you be so sure nobody understands you or can connect with you if you don't give anyone a chance? there's so many people out there, and they are all different. surely someone will be able to connect with you, if you allow them to. also, practice makes perfect. the more you talk to people, the better you'll be at it, and the better it will feel. trust me, i should know. while i never reached the level you are describing here, i was quite "retreated" and purposely lonely for until a few years ago. and then i decided to just talk to people any chance i get, and while it was very difficult in the beginning, it eventually became increasingly pleasant, and now i'm talking to people all the time just because i enjoy it. get out there, Shauni, people wanna get to know you.
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Hey Shauni. I've been lurking the blogs for a while now but finally made a username just to respond to this thread, so I hope you'll read this / respond.
First off, it kinda sounds like you weren't really attracted to this girl. In your first post, you described her as a sorta-plain, sorta-unsexy girl. It sounds more like your attraction to her was out of: 1. desperation (just about anyone would do), 2. she's not that hot (not a lot of guys would be attracted to her so you actually have a chance), and 3. misinterpreting her kindness (us detached/lonely folk often mistake general kindness as more than such) (pretty sure I had a 4th but I can't remember it). Your heart stopping when you heard she had a boyfriend I think happened because she's the one that told you (as if she wasn't just informing you, but also telling you to keep your distance) and because you didn't think (or hope?) it would happen (unless that BF was you). I'm just speculating all this, but am I right in anything I said?
Also, you do have some problems that probably need resolving. For example, you not responding to her inquiry about the work keys sounds like the combined result of limited experience communicating with others and unsureness how to respond.
On September 26 2013 03:53 Shauni wrote:
And while it sounds logical like some of you say, to go out and socialize, to accumulate experience through failure... That only works if the conversation brings some sort of pleasure or sense of fulfillment. It's like saying you have to learn B in order to go from A to C. But I don't believe conversation through manipulation. I'll never learn B unless I actually find it meaningful in itself without any end goal.
It's like lifting weights with the sole purpose of getting laid. Or dressing up in order to receive the attention of men. Not doing it because you enjoy lifting and it's benefits, or you like what you wear, but doing it for a wholly different. I think it's terrible and I won't do it.
Experience from socializing happens as you grow up (like in school), but for people who are outcasts and/or very shy when they're young (speaking from experience), you have to learn it later. The easiest way really is try, fail and try again, but that is also the hardest way when you're just bad at it (because you never learn). And by the way, conversation while socializing is either very bland or very useless. I really don't like socializing, so I typically just stay quiet and go with the flow (though it tends to leave me alone and bored at parties). I, however, typically draw blanks when talking to people I don't know; I don't know how it is for you. Did you say you just can't talk to people you don't know?
And also, if anyone says they work out just to "get laid," they actually get more out of it than just that. They typically feel better after a work out (relieve stress) and typically get/stay attractive (in their eyes). Dressing up or appearance is natural in all animals, not just humans. Animals such as lions have the gift of looking alike; humans, on the other hand, always look so different from one another, that either we must try to be as attractive as we think we can be or just not try.
On September 26 2013 03:53 Shauni wrote:
Well, badminton is sort of a team sport. You can speculate as to why, but I'm actually terrible at teamplay, from 2v2 in BW to doubles in badminton or a whole team like in football. It's not that I'm egoistical, it's more that I have problems predicting my allies behavior which often distracts me from focusing on what the opponents are doing, a 2v2 is more like an 1v3 to me since I can't be comfortable with how my ally moves. You could say it's like an issue of trust. But yeah, the setting is incredibly important. I hate to admit this because I don't like predictability, but I always feel uneasy and nervous in new settings and situations. It takes forever for me to grow accustomed to the setting and even attempting to 'fit in'.
I think that if you don't naturally try to predict your teammates behaviors, don't even try. Blindly trusting your teammates isn't that great, especially when it doesn't pay off. So often I trust my teammates (in video games) to do the most basic thing and it rarely pays off. And I really think trust over the internet and trust in person is very different. Can't say how though, but it feels that way.
Truthfully, I think you have issues that can be resolved or at least improved upon if you work with a professional therapist. You don't seem to have anyone in your life to help you out, and humans are a social animal.
PS - Forgot to mention this earlier, but your thoughts on how men like to dominate relationships is more your mentality than men in general. Men like to be the provider very often, but men like to be equals with their partner just as much as they like to dominate in a relationship. Got a call and lost my train of thought, but let me know what you think Shauni. Sorry for assuming too much.
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All I'm gonna do is +1 the suggestion for professional help.
If you're like this at 24, the internet will not be enough to change your ways. You recognize you are unhappy with this aspect of your life, and that changing it for the better may take quite a bit of effort. Find the right professional who you are comfortable with and see what they can do for you. Anything else is just delaying.
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On September 28 2013 02:16 temporarymagic wrote:
First off, it kinda sounds like you weren't really attracted to this girl. In your first post, you described her as a sorta-plain, sorta-unsexy girl. It sounds more like your attraction to her was out of: 1. desperation (just about anyone would do), 2. she's not that hot (not a lot of guys would be attracted to her so you actually have a chance), and 3. misinterpreting her kindness (us detached/lonely folk often mistake general kindness as more than such) (pretty sure I had a 4th but I can't remember it). Your heart stopping when you heard she had a boyfriend I think happened because she's the one that told you (as if she wasn't just informing you, but also telling you to keep your distance) and because you didn't think (or hope?) it would happen (unless that BF was you). I'm just speculating all this, but am I right in anything I said?
No, she is actually extremely pretty by society standards. It might have sounded a bit extreme in my description, but her facial features are perfectly aligned. She's a wonder to look at from a creation perspective. The only thing some men could find less attractive with the appearance would probably be the slightly boyish features of her body. But I don't like curves, big breasts and overly exaggerated features. Although you're actually right that I'm not very attracted to her physically, there are other girls I know that arouse me a lot more. I think it's more like since the pretty girls are always the most difficult obstacle to even attempt to socialize with, apart from my personality obstacle. I actually don't see myself as 'out of her league' or anything like that, I'm fairly confident in my physical traits (too). Since we actually know each other (even though it's a forced situation by having the same workplace) I feel like I have to make use of the situation somehow. So it's not 1 or 2, perhaps partly 3 since I got a taste of her kindness and warmth in the beginning and got a bit too desperate for it.
I guess this is pretty relevant:
+ Show Spoiler +![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/ALjvjwU.jpg) This too, haha, I love these comics... ![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/pzb5uh1.jpg)
No, it didn't happen like that with her boyfriend, I was actually the one who asked what she was going to after work one day and she told me in a by the way-manner that she'd just meet with her boy. She had months with plenty of opportunities to say it earlier, it wasn't just 'communicating a boundary' as kwarkgirl would say. Even though we would probably not fit well together, and even though I knew and still know she has never even wanted to befriend me, I guess I still had some kind of hope until those words. And also, by saying it in such a carefree way is the worst because it's essentially saying she doesn't even acknowledge me as a male. I think it was after that situation that our 'relationship' deteriorated so rapidly.
On September 28 2013 02:16 temporarymagic wrote:
Experience from socializing happens as you grow up (like in school), but for people who are outcasts and/or very shy when they're young (speaking from experience), you have to learn it later. The easiest way really is try, fail and try again, but that is also the hardest way when you're just bad at it (because you never learn). And by the way, conversation while socializing is either very bland or very useless. I really don't like socializing, so I typically just stay quiet and go with the flow (though it tends to leave me alone and bored at parties). I, however, typically draw blanks when talking to people I don't know; I don't know how it is for you. Did you say you just can't talk to people you don't know?
Yeah, but the issue for me is that socializing with people I don't know is that even though it's not particularly frightening, it can even go quite smoothly sometimes, I just find it annoying to deal with the social barriers. I just want to scream that I don't want to talk about what I do for a living, what weather it is, or other daily things nobody cares about with every new person i meet. It's not even the subjects themselves, it's the tiptoeing and restricting your words. I admire people who can just go in and be both crazy and charismatic to bypass this from the first moment. To everyone who says go out and practice talking to people, it's not like I want to change my personality to extrovert. My work is unnaturally social and it's not like it has made me a more social being, actually it's the opposite. Constant greetings and smalltalk just makes me exhausted enough not to want to socialize anything in my spare time, even with friends.
If I could choose my preferred method I want to destroy the barriers without using words. I feel that physical (collective) activities can actually achieve this. What Kwark mentioned was actually a good example.
On September 28 2013 02:16 temporarymagic wrote:
I think that if you don't naturally try to predict your teammates behaviors, don't even try. Blindly trusting your teammates isn't that great, especially when it doesn't pay off. So often I trust my teammates (in video games) to do the most basic thing and it rarely pays off. And I really think trust over the internet and trust in person is very different. Can't say how though, but it feels that way.
Yeah of course it's different, and team contact is also different. If we're comparing, I can probably work in a team better online because you can shut out and ignore all their feelings to make optimal decisions for the team. I always win a lot more if I put ignore on everyone on my team, ironically. In real life sports, it's actually really difficult to do for me for this very reason, I care too much about what my ally might or might not do and even think so I can't just instinctively make the best action for the team. But yeah, this is a bit sidetracked and not very relevant to the girl blog.
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On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
No, she is actually extremely pretty by society standards. It might have sounded a bit extreme in my description, but her facial features are perfectly aligned. She's a wonder to look at from a creation perspective. The only thing some men could find less attractive with the appearance would probably be the slightly boyish features of her body. But I don't like curves, big breasts and overly exaggerated features. Although you're actually right that I'm not very attracted to her physically, there are other girls I know that arouse me a lot more. I think it's more like since the pretty girls are always the most difficult obstacle to even attempt to socialize with, apart from my personality obstacle. I actually don't see myself as 'out of her league' or anything like that, I'm fairly confident in my physical traits (too). Since we actually know each other (even though it's a forced situation by having the same workplace) I feel like I have to make use of the situation somehow. So it's not 1 or 2, perhaps partly 3 since I got a taste of her kindness and warmth in the beginning and got a bit too desperate for it.
I guess text can only describe someone by so much. I evaluate girls both on the sexiness and cuteness so she seemed unattractive (not ugly though, more like plain) from your description.
On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
No, it didn't happen like that with her boyfriend, I was actually the one who asked what she was going to after work one day and she told me in a by the way-manner that she'd just meet with her boy. She had months with plenty of opportunities to say it earlier, it wasn't just 'communicating a boundary' as kwarkgirl would say. Even though we would probably not fit well together, and even though I knew and still know she has never even wanted to befriend me, I guess I still had some kind of hope until those words. And also, by saying it in such a carefree way is the worst because it's essentially saying she doesn't even acknowledge me as a male. I think it was after that situation that our 'relationship' deteriorated so rapidly.
I see. Well it's difficult to understand yours and her relationship (from the beginning to the point it is at now).
On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
Yeah, but the issue for me is that socializing with people I don't know is that even though it's not particularly frightening, it can even go quite smoothly sometimes, I just find it annoying to deal with the social barriers. I just want to scream that I don't want to talk about what I do for a living, what weather it is, or other daily things nobody cares about with every new person i meet. It's not even the subjects themselves, it's the tiptoeing and restricting your words. I admire people who can just go in and be both crazy and charismatic to bypass this from the first moment. To everyone who says go out and practice talking to people, it's not like I want to change my personality to extrovert. My work is unnaturally social and it's not like it has made me a more social being, actually it's the opposite. Constant greetings and smalltalk just makes me exhausted enough not to want to socialize anything in my spare time, even with friends.
If I could choose my preferred method I want to destroy the barriers without using words. I feel that physical (collective) activities can actually achieve this. What Kwark mentioned was actually a good example.
People don't normally pay attention to "social barriers" in social situations. And typically if you can't hold normal day-to-day conversation with someone (weather, sports, job), you won't know if you'll get along with said person (as most people think). To not respond to normal social talk or to not contribute looks the same as showing disinterest in the other person. Also I think logic sense dictates that if someone is friendly and acts social, they are nice/hold a high social status (first impressions). I find this hard to explain, as the concept comes very natural despite my unsocial nature. What social barriers in particular are you talking about? And what people are these that can be charismatic/crazy to strangers?
By the way, work-social is different from bar-social or club-social or group-of-friends-social. You don't need to just talk to people if you can talk to people. However if your issue is you don't want to 'pretend' or conform to others to get along, who you do get along with will be limited and hard to find.
On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
Yeah of course it's different, and team contact is also different. If we're comparing, I can probably work in a team better online because you can shut out and ignore all their feelings to make optimal decisions for the team. I always win a lot more if I put ignore on everyone on my team, ironically. In real life sports, it's actually really difficult to do for me for this very reason, I care too much about what my ally might or might not do and even think so I can't just instinctively make the best action for the team. But yeah, this is a bit sidetracked and not very relevant to the girl blog.
I'm not sure why you care so much what your ally/teammate may or may not do. Thinking about seems to hurt you more than help you, so it's kind of like a defeatist mentality. Sometimes I expect things out of my teammate(s) in both games and sports but it never impedes me.
By the way, your original reason for this blog was to get your relationship with her back to good standing, correct? Or was it more to vent?
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"They most likely cannot comprehend the other polar extreme of permanently lacking the physical intimacy, not just with the opposite sex but with any living thing"
People arent so different from each other as you might think.
maybe the reason she became frustrated with you was because she wanted that same intimacy that you did but you werent responding to her advances so she became frustrated and saw what you were doing as ' leading her on'
i know it can be hard, but try to believe the best of people. think of others as innately good and understanding. i know it might be kind of hard to do. but its a good starting point.
You arent the only one with these exact same issues.
you arent the only person who has only one type of release in your life.
everyone craves affection. you just have to accept that.
accept yourself. your not a freak, or an abberant wierdo for wanting physical intimacy.
own it! once you do that maybe you wont feel so insecure about expressing that desire to others.
As for this girl, dont be bitter about it. dont dwell on her either. she helped you learn, take heart in that and move on.
Good luck.
all this is my oppinion formed from my experiences. may or may not be applicable. use if you wish.
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also, kwarks post is kinda bang on. read the whole thing. especially the part in doing more activities like yoga and music. fill your life up so that one thing going wrong doesnt upset you so much. also life is fun.
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On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
No, it didn't happen like that with her boyfriend, I was actually the one who asked what she was going to after work one day and she told me in a by the way-manner that she'd just meet with her boy. She had months with plenty of opportunities to say it earlier, it wasn't just 'communicating a boundary' as kwarkgirl would say. Even though we would probably not fit well together, and even though I knew and still know she has never even wanted to befriend me, I guess I still had some kind of hope until those words. And also, by saying it in such a carefree way is the worst because it's essentially saying she doesn't even acknowledge me as a male. I think it was after that situation that our 'relationship' deteriorated so rapidly.
To me (with limited information of course) it sounds like she wasn't actually not acknowledging you as a male but was intentionally trying to make you feel that way as a form of revenge for whatever she feels you have done wrong to her. It kind of sounds like you have made her feel that she is stupid or at least that you think she is dumb, while I understand you said it was intended to be light hearted, often jokes have a grain of truth and she probably felt even more hurt after being kind to you with the new years invitation.
My advice to you would be to apologise for being a jerk in the past (even if you don't feel that you were, all that matters is if she feels that you were) and tell her that you want things to be okay between you so that you can both be more comfortable at work (doesn't have to be your actual intention, but she should respect the maturity). The reason I say this is because despite that you said she never wanted to befriend you, to me it sounds like the opposite, it seems like she did want to befriend you (maybe more) but felt hurt by the way you treated her which made her feel that you thought her inferior.
So in my opinion, the best course of action would be to make amends while also increasing her respect for you, so that your relationship with her is healthy (since as long as you work together you will have to see her) and you will have a better chance should things fall through with her boyfriend. In the mean time, realise that there is no point obsessing over her (especially while she has a boyfriend) and seek other avenues to appease your physical desires.
Show nested quote +On September 28 2013 02:16 temporarymagic wrote:
Experience from socializing happens as you grow up (like in school), but for people who are outcasts and/or very shy when they're young (speaking from experience), you have to learn it later. The easiest way really is try, fail and try again, but that is also the hardest way when you're just bad at it (because you never learn). And by the way, conversation while socializing is either very bland or very useless. I really don't like socializing, so I typically just stay quiet and go with the flow (though it tends to leave me alone and bored at parties). I, however, typically draw blanks when talking to people I don't know; I don't know how it is for you. Did you say you just can't talk to people you don't know? Yeah, but the issue for me is that socializing with people I don't know is that even though it's not particularly frightening, it can even go quite smoothly sometimes, I just find it annoying to deal with the social barriers. I just want to scream that I don't want to talk about what I do for a living, what weather it is, or other daily things nobody cares about with every new person i meet. It's not even the subjects themselves, it's the tiptoeing and restricting your words. I admire people who can just go in and be both crazy and charismatic to bypass this from the first moment. To everyone who says go out and practice talking to people, it's not like I want to change my personality to extrovert. My work is unnaturally social and it's not like it has made me a more social being, actually it's the opposite. Constant greetings and smalltalk just makes me exhausted enough not to want to socialize anything in my spare time, even with friends. If I could choose my preferred method I want to destroy the barriers without using words. I feel that physical (collective) activities can actually achieve this. What Kwark mentioned was actually a good example.
As someone who used to have difficulty with socialising and still finds generic conversation mundane, I found a good way to make conversations more interesting to me, while still appearing somewhat interested is to treat the conversation as an information gathering exercise. By that I don't mean to just straight up ask what you want to know, but ask questions about whatever the person is talking about in such a way (tactfully) that you find out things that might otherwise be impolite to ask directly (this also allows you to bypass certain "social barriers"). For example asking someone if they are religious might not go well as they think you are implying something about them or making a judgement, yet you can find out pretty easily by asking questions that kind of force the person to reveal whether they are or not.
I don't necessarily think this is the best approach for everyone, but it seems like to participate more socially you need something to make socialising interesting to you. I know you said you don't like having to tiptoe and restrict your words, but realistically these social barriers are always going to exist in some form, its just a matter of being comfortable with yourself and how far you can push the barriers without making the other person uncomfortable because really this is (imo) what gives certain people that aura of charisma.
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How is anyone taking this joker seriously?
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If this isnt an eleborate troll someone needs to send this man help. like a shrink or something... or a police officer to check his basement for captives... this is the creepiest blog ive ever read.
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Come play LoL with us again, Shauni.
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LOL you guys are getting trolled so hard... 7 pages?
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On October 02 2013 11:27 Myrddraal wrote:Show nested quote +On September 28 2013 09:12 Shauni wrote:
No, it didn't happen like that with her boyfriend, I was actually the one who asked what she was going to after work one day and she told me in a by the way-manner that she'd just meet with her boy. She had months with plenty of opportunities to say it earlier, it wasn't just 'communicating a boundary' as kwarkgirl would say. Even though we would probably not fit well together, and even though I knew and still know she has never even wanted to befriend me, I guess I still had some kind of hope until those words. And also, by saying it in such a carefree way is the worst because it's essentially saying she doesn't even acknowledge me as a male. I think it was after that situation that our 'relationship' deteriorated so rapidly.
To me (with limited information of course) it sounds like she wasn't actually not acknowledging you as a male but was intentionally trying to make you feel that way as a form of revenge for whatever she feels you have done wrong to her. It kind of sounds like you have made her feel that she is stupid or at least that you think she is dumb, while I understand you said it was intended to be light hearted, often jokes have a grain of truth and she probably felt even more hurt after being kind to you with the new years invitation. My advice to you would be to apologise for being a jerk in the past (even if you don't feel that you were, all that matters is if she feels that you were) and tell her that you want things to be okay between you so that you can both be more comfortable at work (doesn't have to be your actual intention, but she should respect the maturity). The reason I say this is because despite that you said she never wanted to befriend you, to me it sounds like the opposite, it seems like she did want to befriend you (maybe more) but felt hurt by the way you treated her which made her feel that you thought her inferior. So in my opinion, the best course of action would be to make amends while also increasing her respect for you, so that your relationship with her is healthy (since as long as you work together you will have to see her) and you will have a better chance should things fall through with her boyfriend. In the mean time, realise that there is no point obsessing over her (especially while she has a boyfriend) and seek other avenues to appease your physical desires. Show nested quote +On September 28 2013 02:16 temporarymagic wrote:
Experience from socializing happens as you grow up (like in school), but for people who are outcasts and/or very shy when they're young (speaking from experience), you have to learn it later. The easiest way really is try, fail and try again, but that is also the hardest way when you're just bad at it (because you never learn). And by the way, conversation while socializing is either very bland or very useless. I really don't like socializing, so I typically just stay quiet and go with the flow (though it tends to leave me alone and bored at parties). I, however, typically draw blanks when talking to people I don't know; I don't know how it is for you. Did you say you just can't talk to people you don't know? Yeah, but the issue for me is that socializing with people I don't know is that even though it's not particularly frightening, it can even go quite smoothly sometimes, I just find it annoying to deal with the social barriers. I just want to scream that I don't want to talk about what I do for a living, what weather it is, or other daily things nobody cares about with every new person i meet. It's not even the subjects themselves, it's the tiptoeing and restricting your words. I admire people who can just go in and be both crazy and charismatic to bypass this from the first moment. To everyone who says go out and practice talking to people, it's not like I want to change my personality to extrovert. My work is unnaturally social and it's not like it has made me a more social being, actually it's the opposite. Constant greetings and smalltalk just makes me exhausted enough not to want to socialize anything in my spare time, even with friends. If I could choose my preferred method I want to destroy the barriers without using words. I feel that physical (collective) activities can actually achieve this. What Kwark mentioned was actually a good example. As someone who used to have difficulty with socialising and still finds generic conversation mundane, I found a good way to make conversations more interesting to me, while still appearing somewhat interested is to treat the conversation as an information gathering exercise. By that I don't mean to just straight up ask what you want to know, but ask questions about whatever the person is talking about in such a way (tactfully) that you find out things that might otherwise be impolite to ask directly (this also allows you to bypass certain "social barriers"). For example asking someone if they are religious might not go well as they think you are implying something about them or making a judgement, yet you can find out pretty easily by asking questions that kind of force the person to reveal whether they are or not. I don't necessarily think this is the best approach for everyone, but it seems like to participate more socially you need something to make socialising interesting to you. I know you said you don't like having to tiptoe and restrict your words, but realistically these social barriers are always going to exist in some form, its just a matter of being comfortable with yourself and how far you can push the barriers without making the other person uncomfortable because really this is (imo) what gives certain people that aura of charisma.
I did apologize a few days ago, and you're right she changed quite drastically even though she didn't exactly acknowledge my apology. I said something like "I'm sorry for behaving like an idiot toward you" to which she replied "I do not care if you think I am an idiot"
"That's not what I said...". It's also a bit like you wrote, several times she has implied that I dislike her even though it was never my intention, but I didn't try to correct her so I assume this misunderstanding carried on for very long.
Now she actually talks to me, like asks how my night out was, or how I am, or if I'm wearing any perfume (uh) and the occasional smile back.
But I find it more difficult to express myself cleanly now when she resumes making eye contact. It's like I decide on a thing to ask her or something to talk about, but when I say her name and she looks at me it's suddenly something incredibly retarded coming out of my mouth (or nothing at all). It's kind of what made her angry in the first place, me trying to strike up a conversation and then just stare at her. For some reason that irritates her incredibly...
But I do my best to try to talk normally with her and not act "creepy" with her. Sometimes it's difficult though, for example when she places her jacket near me or when her hair is just in front of me.
Don't get me wrong though, I'm usually not that insecure with eye contact and basic conversations anymore, but if I feel inferior somehow (not with that many people, usually just pretty girls) I become extremely pathetic.
I feel that most, if not everything you wrote is pretty spot on. And yeah, I know that practicing asking questions is a pretty good way to make someone feel comfortable. I have both the problem that I become afraid of asking some questions (because of social barriers) and that most questions - the less controversial ones are not interesting enough and when I actually am patient enough to ask things I'm not interested in I quickly become disgusted with myself at the lack of genuine interest and I become afraid that my disinterest shows. There's usually a lot of fear even though I really try my best to suppress it.
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Assuming all of this isn't phony, you should seek some professional help, Shauni. You said things don't work out with female therapists - so you should find a male therapist. Some of the things you have said such as wanting to scream out that you don't want to talk about the weather, or that you don't want to talk about your job - that's really abnormal and I don't think that just hanging out with people now will correct your social problems, you probably need a strategy that only a professional can provide.
Just to sum it up, the feelings and actions you've detailed here are far from normal and a little disturbing, so you need to figure that stuff out.
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On October 03 2013 08:31 Salv wrote:
Assuming all of this isn't phony, you should seek some professional help, Shauni. You said things don't work out with female therapists - so you should find a male therapist. Some of the things you have said such as wanting to scream out that you don't want to talk about the weather, or that you don't want to talk about your job - that's really abnormal and I don't think that just hanging out with people now will correct your social problems, you probably need a strategy that only a professional can provide.
Just to sum it up, the feelings and actions you've detailed here are far from normal and a little disturbing, so you need to figure that stuff out.
I don't understand what you mean when you say normal and abnormal. Aren't all human beings unique? Doesn't everyone have problems? If you go talk to a therapist and describe your problem by saying you aren't normal they'll just laugh at you and turn you away. Life isn't about trying to fit in as much as possible. The words normal and abnormal means nothing to me.
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You need to change your attitude. You are not very clever, even if the people around you seem stupid to you. The only one you should care about comparing with is yourself. Try to improve from yesterdays version of you. Try some humility, and get off your high horse, and people will treat you better. Nobody likes smartasses, unless they are ridiculously charming and handsome. You seem to be able to master other things easily, use that to master this as well. Admitting that something is wrong, and stop trying to find excuses for everything is the first step. You try to admit that something is wrong while explaining why it's not wrong after all. That gets you nowhere.
Therapy might not be the best bet for you, but you probably need something, and your lizard brain is pretty much urging you to do so as well, though you obviously interpret it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you should volunteer on a home for the elderly or something, they crave attention as much as you seem to do.
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On October 04 2013 05:54 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 08:31 Salv wrote:
Assuming all of this isn't phony, you should seek some professional help, Shauni. You said things don't work out with female therapists - so you should find a male therapist. Some of the things you have said such as wanting to scream out that you don't want to talk about the weather, or that you don't want to talk about your job - that's really abnormal and I don't think that just hanging out with people now will correct your social problems, you probably need a strategy that only a professional can provide.
Just to sum it up, the feelings and actions you've detailed here are far from normal and a little disturbing, so you need to figure that stuff out. I don't understand what you mean when you say normal and abnormal. Aren't all human beings unique? Doesn't everyone have problems? If you go talk to a therapist and describe your problem by saying you aren't normal they'll just laugh at you and turn you away. Life isn't about trying to fit in as much as possible. The words normal and abnormal means nothing to me.
OK, you're right - what I said needs some context because just saying 'normal' and 'abnormal' (like I did) doesn't help unless we both understand what is meant by it.
For an example of what I meant when I said normal and abnormal, think of the mental state of anxiety, or being anxious. Having anxiety or being anxious about something is normal, and by that I mean it's something that everyone experiences to some degree. Maybe you get anxiety from taking an important school test, maybe it's from the thought of talking with a girl you like, it's common for this to happen to all people so it's defined psychologically as normal.
Anxiety disorder for example is that exact same anxiety that all people experience, but it's taken a level beyond what we would define as normal - and what we determine to be 'a level beyond' is arbitrary, sometimes it's less or more, that's why the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders is updated and changed sometimes, because we find out new ways for determining what's 'normal' and what is 'abnormal'.
So with that context in mind, what I meant was that the actions you describe, which include restlessness about small-talk and overstepping boundaries, those are things to happen to everyone and I wouldn't say those types of feelings are uncommon. However the way you describe them, especially in that they interfere with your ability to function socially inclines me to think that your actions are abnormal, they are a level beyond what would be considered normal. That's generally an easy rule of thumb to determine if something would be akin to a disorder or mental problem - if it significantly impacts your ability to cope and function, then it's a problem.
Not to be verbose, but just to further clarify, I have anxiety about social situations sometimes, but it doesn't affect my ability to go out to the store, or meet new people for example - so it wouldn't be classified as abnormal. Now if you're so overwhelmed with the thought of new people looking at you or talking with you, so much so that you refuse to leave your home, then that's likely to be a disorder of some sort because it's impacting your ability to function in a way we would define as normal.
This is why I would recommend you see a therapist that can help you, because I think you exhibit a lot of abnormal behaviour if everything in this blog is accurate. If you have met therapists that laugh you out of their office that's really bizarre and unprofessional - therapists are supposed to be understanding, and considering that disorders are by definition abnormal, I am surprised some would laugh at their clients for believing they are abnormal in some sense.
I hope that clears things up.
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On October 03 2013 01:12 c0ldfusion wrote:
LOL you guys are getting trolled so hard... 7 pages?
No. I've known Shauni for almost 5 years, this is how he really is.
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On October 04 2013 06:33 Myrtroll wrote:
You need to change your attitude. You are not very clever, even if the people around you seem stupid to you. The only one you should care about comparing with is yourself. Try to improve from yesterdays version of you. Try some humility, and get off your high horse, and people will treat you better. Nobody likes smartasses, unless they are ridiculously charming and handsome. You seem to be able to master other things easily, use that to master this as well. Admitting that something is wrong, and stop trying to find excuses for everything is the first step. You try to admit that something is wrong while explaining why it's not wrong after all. That gets you nowhere.
Therapy might not be the best bet for you, but you probably need something, and your lizard brain is pretty much urging you to do so as well, though you obviously interpret it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe you should volunteer on a home for the elderly or something, they crave attention as much as you seem to do.
LMAO
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On October 04 2013 05:54 Shauni wrote:Show nested quote +On October 03 2013 08:31 Salv wrote:
Assuming all of this isn't phony, you should seek some professional help, Shauni. You said things don't work out with female therapists - so you should find a male therapist. Some of the things you have said such as wanting to scream out that you don't want to talk about the weather, or that you don't want to talk about your job - that's really abnormal and I don't think that just hanging out with people now will correct your social problems, you probably need a strategy that only a professional can provide.
Just to sum it up, the feelings and actions you've detailed here are far from normal and a little disturbing, so you need to figure that stuff out. I don't understand what you mean when you say normal and abnormal. Aren't all human beings unique? Doesn't everyone have problems? If you go talk to a therapist and describe your problem by saying you aren't normal they'll just laugh at you and turn you away. Life isn't about trying to fit in as much as possible. The words normal and abnormal means nothing to me.
1. Fuck no. Rofl.
2. I don't know where you got this delusion that a therapist would laugh you away.
3. Life sure isn't about trying to fit in, but the problem with your relationship with this girl, other people and your attitude is, for the most part, you, so perhaps you should try and be less "unique."
Also I had a real good laugh in this blog, thanks everyone. 1/5
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I love this blog so much.
This is the spice that GirlBlogs have been needing.
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Netherlands19135 Posts
On September 21 2013 16:35 TT1 wrote:testie are u friends with this guy
Wow John Snow, you really let yourself go man.
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EPT
