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My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
Wow. I can barely tie my shoelaces.
So not 5 minutes ago, she texts me saying "I wanna learn electric guitar from him <3 <3 <3 we can have hot times together."
I'm still in love with her. We broke up 1.5 years ago after about 10 months together, but through all that time I've never stopped having feelings for her. My response to her was "Yeah you should". And at that moment, I realized that exchange pretty much crystallized our relationship since we broke up. I can't let her go, and I'll always be her friend. I'll be there for her whenever she needs it, because God knows I need her too. She could call me at 2am sobbing and I'd come running to wherever she asked. She knows this too, and yet I'd never call her manipulative. She enjoys my friendship and maybe some of you might say "Why would you put yourself through all this? You don't need to endure such pain." but you know what? To quote something I read recently, "maybe I was friendzoned, but she didn't ask to be girlfriendzoned." What kind of guy would I be if I made friends with her only to date her, then ditch her when I realize I've no chance at all? A despicable, dishonorable chauvinist, that's the kind of guy I'd be. And I'm not that kind of guy.
A while back, she told me, "If I never get married, I'm counting on you to take care of me." Wow. Wow.
I guess I never thought I'd find myself here, but here is where I am - a modern-day purgatory: the dreaded, sweetly agonizing Friendzone.
 
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On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
A while back, she told me, "If I never get married, I'm counting on you to take care of me." Wow. Wow.
I don't want to be pessimistic or anything, you seem to be quite comfortable with this friendship and whatnot... but that line I'm quoting, how could you possibly see this as a compliment?
For one, this means you're her backup plan when shit hits the fan.
Also, although maybe she didn't think of that, it kind of assumes you'll always be available.
You seem to like quotes so I have a quote/paraphrase of Louis CK about women: "You stay pretty much like this for your entire life, and they don't... their options start running out really fast, and YOU'RE gonna be there [...] you're gonna be amazing in your 40's, you're gonna be the branch that she can grab before she hits the ground"
So while I can appreciate that you value this friendship, getting tagged for #1 "branch that I can grab before I hit the ground" should never be taken as a compliment. So I strongly disagree with that "Wow wow" of yours.
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She's friendzoned you but you haven't friendzoned her. She's no longer looking for a relationship with you, although, you're still looking for a relationship with her. If you want to stay friends, that's fine, but you should ensure that you've moved on from her in terms of females who you're looking for a relationship with.
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I might call her manipulative. why is she bragging about him to you? Isn't that malicious and inconsiderate? that's what i think. either way whatever.
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On July 30 2013 00:23 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
A while back, she told me, "If I never get married, I'm counting on you to take care of me." Wow. Wow. I don't want to be pessimistic or anything, you seem to be quite comfortable with this friendship and whatnot... but that line I'm quoting, how could you possibly see this as a compliment? For one, this means you're her backup plan when shit hits the fan. Also, although maybe she didn't think of that, it kind of assumes you'll always be available. You seem to like quotes so I have a quote/paraphrase of Louis CK about women: "You stay pretty much like this for your entire life, and they don't... their options start running out really fast, and YOU'RE gonna be there [...] you're gonna be amazing in your 40's, you're gonna be the branch that she can grab before she hits the ground" So while I can appreciate that you value this friendship, getting tagged for #1 "branch that I can grab before I hit the ground" should never be taken as a compliment. So I strongly disagree with that "Wow wow" of yours.
I didn't see it as a compliment really, I actually know how bad that means things are. It means I'm waaaaaaaaay in the friendzone, lol.
To the other guy, I've given up hope really, kind of resigned to this crappy situation. Just had a lot of feels at this moment.
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On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAADFJASOIFJASDKFASDLFKJASFLASDJFDSALFJASDF;LAJFSAD;F. I laughed, SO hard reading this, hahaha. This doesn't sound like she's friendzoned you at all, it sounds like she's making you jelly. Btw, if he's a marine, he doesn't write poetry, if he takes beautiful photographs he probably isn't a law student and dating her and writing poetry and playing electric guitar and saving poor african children while carving his face into mount olympus's side. It sounds like she wants you, and not this guy, honestly.
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On July 30 2013 00:37 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAADFJASOIFJASDKFASDLFKJASFLASDJFDSALFJASDF;LAJFSAD;F. I laughed, SO hard reading this, hahaha. This doesn't sound like she's friendzoned you at all, it sounds like she's making you jelly. Btw, if he's a marine, he doesn't write poetry, if he takes beautiful photographs he probably isn't a law student and dating her and writing poetry and playing electric guitar and saving poor african children while carving his face into mount olympus's side. It sounds like she wants you, and not this guy, honestly.
she wants zeus in the flesh but she wants OPs precious heart because it's worth breaking
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On July 30 2013 00:37 docvoc wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHASHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAADFJASOIFJASDKFASDLFKJASFLASDJFDSALFJASDF;LAJFSAD;F. I laughed, SO hard reading this, hahaha. This doesn't sound like she's friendzoned you at all, it sounds like she's making you jelly. Btw, if he's a marine, he doesn't write poetry, if he takes beautiful photographs he probably isn't a law student and dating her and writing poetry and playing electric guitar and saving poor african children while carving his face into mount olympus's side. It sounds like she wants you, and not this guy, honestly.
Hold your horses now... sometimes you get friendzoned so hard, she'll talk to you like you're her sorority girl friend. You're probably seeing it wrong  ...
That said OP, I think that if you want to maintain this friendship you have with her, you should perhaps treat her more like a friend and less like a girlfriend in the first place. If my ex called me crying, I'd probably refer her to one of her female buddies, who's better suited to deal with her shit. My friends who call my phone during the night have an emergency for me to deal with, not feels. I'll deal with your feels in the afternoon if you're a buddy, with a beer.
You say she's not manipulative but you're her guy buddy that she can drag around and doesn't mind inconveniencing in the middle of the night.
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On July 30 2013 00:23 Djzapz wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
A while back, she told me, "If I never get married, I'm counting on you to take care of me." Wow. Wow. I don't want to be pessimistic or anything, you seem to be quite comfortable with this friendship and whatnot... but that line I'm quoting, how could you possibly see this as a compliment? For one, this means you're her backup plan when shit hits the fan. Also, although maybe she didn't think of that, it kind of assumes you'll always be available. You seem to like quotes so I have a quote/paraphrase of Louis CK about women: "You stay pretty much like this for your entire life, and they don't... their options start running out really fast, and YOU'RE gonna be there [...] you're gonna be amazing in your 40's, you're gonna be the branch that she can grab before she hits the ground" So while I can appreciate that you value this friendship, getting tagged for #1 "branch that I can grab before I hit the ground" should never be taken as a compliment. So I strongly disagree with that "Wow wow" of yours.
I agree with you, as of right now as plain text that looks exactly as the way you described it. My only problem is the context and it so hard to tell because it wasn't typed out to him originally. My opinion is its not a compliment, but its neither the opposite end. If you feel she was being sincere then its true but don't get your self caught up if it doesn't work that way.
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That is such a toxic relationship. The worst thing about the "friendzone" is that you aren't being honest with yourself or with her. You don't want to be friends, you want to be boy friend and girl friend again. She has dangled out little bit of hope for you to snatch up and run with, and it seems like you are clinging on that for dear life.
In a mature relationship, the biggest benefits is trust and exclusivity, which ultimately leads to a sense of security. The hallmark of a good relationship is that it puts you in a place where you can comfortably focus on other parts of your life. You won't find that here. Ever. You have known each other for two years, dated for 10 months, if she was really into you it all would have happened now. If you got back together you would be her back up option, her standby tell she gets bored or finds something new, and you would always know that deep inside. You said before, "What kind of guy would I be if I made friends with her only to date her, then ditch her when I realize I've no chance at all?". You would be a person looking out for your own self interest. You have to take care of your self first, and be a strong independent person in your own right before you can be good for anybody else. It is completely unhealthy to put someone else's needs above your own. The sad truth is that even if she took you back, you probably wouldn't even make her happy. People need a partner that they can respect, that isn't an emotional drain on them, and with your dependency, neediness, and how hung up you are you couldn't be her equal. If she is your friend, fine, let her be your friend. Ground rules though; you don't want to hear about her boyfriend so don't talk to her about it. If she calls you at 2am in the morning, that isn't your job to comfort her that is her boyfriends job and her moms job. Don't take on the emotional support role of her boyfriend because she won't reciprocate the emotional support of a girlfriend. You will torture yourself and leave yourself empty and bitter.
Fuck, you probably won't listen to me no matter what I say anyway. Keep at it bro. If you love her enough, and you are always there for her, and you just believe everything will work out I promise. Looking forward to the follow up blog a year from now.
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Sounds like she´s a pretty princess that enjoys to be courted. You satisfy her selfish need for adoration and she graces you with her delightful presence in exchange, pretending to see only what you show her, because it is so convenient that way. I have a friend who´s going through a similar situation right now, and it´s awful. You have my sympathies, and I hope you have a good friend who tells you over and over that she´s a selfish, deceitful bitch and that you´re lucky she´s gone.
P.S.: If that guy is real, break off all contact if possible. Queen bees can do terrible, terrible damage to a young soul.
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She's dating someone from Seal Team Six you say.
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![[image loading]](http://i.imgur.com/KQ8IAQZl.jpg)
Ohhhhhh, I'm sorry! That title was so close! But the P word we are looking for here was Pathetic! Better luck next time
User was warned for this post
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If the relationship is painful to you, end it.
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Dance, puppet. Dance 
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Time to delete her phonenumber and everything else you have related to her.
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As any good player of CS can tell you, Seal Team Six was officially disbanded in 1987 and is now simply a nickname for DEVGRU.
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How about you develop some fucking self respect, learn some boundaries, tell her you aren't her bitch, cut her off, get over her and move the fuck on.
And yeah Hawk is right, you sound so pathetic.
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No reason to be a dick. He's got shit to deal with and I can't imagine calling him pathetic is doing him any good.
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she's been allowed to walk all over him for a year and a half. do you not think that his friends have tried the whole nice approach about telling him to man the fuck up?? it clearly hasn't worked
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I don't know what's up. That said, I've been on the interwebs long enough to know that when the word pathetic is tossed around, helping someone is not the intended effect. You're just having a good time with yourself. Good ole' case of schadenfreude being disguised as benevolence.
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Oh please, now you're just being insulting. I can do a lot better than calling someone pathetic if I just wanted a drive-by glib comment. That's calling a spade a spade.
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On July 30 2013 04:52 QuanticHawk wrote:
Oh please, now you're just being insulting. I can do a lot better than calling someone pathetic if I just wanted a drive-by glib comment. That's calling a spade a spade.
Oh please, then nobody would believe that your intentions are positive.
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United Kingdom14103 Posts
On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
That opening line made me laugh so hard, nice writing :D
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On July 30 2013 05:29 Targe wrote:Show nested quote +On July 29 2013 23:27 sgfightmaster wrote:
My ex-girlfriend recently met a guy so perfect he was probably carved from the granite of Mount Olympus and gifted abilities to match. Based on what I recall from the things she told me, he writes poetry, takes beautiful photographs, does charcoal sketches, plays both the viola and electric guitar, is a law school student and other things I can't even remember, maybe he served on the Secret Service or was part of Seal Team Six or something, it's not impossible.
That opening line made me laugh so hard, nice writing :D
Yeah good writing!! 
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stop fighting you two.
OP: if there was a /ignore command for rl, then you should use it on this girl
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You are not pathetic at all.
In fact I think people like Hawk who decide to run away, trying to erase the girls from their lives and not acknowledge their feelings because they can't stand the occasional sorrow or pain, while thinking they act manly, are the truly pathetic ones
You chose the courageous and noble way to go about it but not the easy one.
You have to decide for yourself if the relationship is giving you more joy or sorrow. If it is giving you more sorrow it is of course totally fine to break of contact, I just find it kind of funny when people like Hawk call people like you pathetic when they are the ones who decided to flee instead of fight.
If you want to keep the friendship you should be honest towards her about your feelings though. Friendships and relationships are both build on honesty. Just don't expect to get back together with her and give other girls a chance. Go work out, get nice clothes, meet other girls.
Best case scenario: You will look so hot, she will fall in love with you again.
Worst case scenario: You have fun with other girls who you might love too one day (it is totally possible to love more then 1 person at once) and you end up having a friendship with a person you really care about.
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She dumped him lol. How is telling him to stop allowing her to jerk him around running away???
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On July 30 2013 09:04 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:You are not pathetic at all. In fact I think people like Hawk who decide to run away, trying to erase the girls from their lives and not acknowledge their feelings because they can't stand the occasional sorrow or pain, while thinking they act manly, are the truly pathetic ones You chose the courageous and noble way to go about it but not the easy one. You have to decide for yourself if the relationship is giving you more joy or sorrow. If it is giving you more sorrow it is of course totally fine to break of contact, I just find it kind of funny when people like Hawk call people like you pathetic when they are the ones who decided to flee instead of fight. If you want to keep the friendship you should be honest towards her about your feelings though. Friendships and relationships are both build on honesty. Just don't expect to get back together with her and give other girls a chance. Go work out, get nice clothes, meet other girls. Best case scenario: You will look so hot, she will fall in love with you again. Worst case scenario: You have fun with other girls who you might love too one day (it is totally possible to love more then 1 person at once) and you end up having a friendship with a person you really care about.
How is he being courageous? He's avoiding confrontation and bottling up his feelings. Its not like he's explained how he feels towards her in an honest and direct manner. Also 'noble' is such a silly description, don't allow him to try justify behaviour that clearly is unhealthy for his general psyche.
The reason why he should be cutting off contact is to allow himself to get over her, to find something he can do for himself, a hobby, a passion something or even another girl so he can say to himself "You know what? There are lots of girls out there, I shouldn't be so caught up over one girl" or "Life is awesome as it is, a woman should be a nice extra, my life should not be built around a girl". Its ok to be friends with exes or girls as long as you aren't pining so hard for her like this guy is.
http://markmanson.net/everything-you-need
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On July 30 2013 09:04 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:You are not pathetic at all. In fact I think people like Hawk who decide to run away, trying to erase the girls from their lives and not acknowledge their feelings because they can't stand the occasional sorrow or pain, while thinking they act manly, are the truly pathetic ones You chose the courageous and noble way to go about it but not the easy one. You have to decide for yourself if the relationship is giving you more joy or sorrow. If it is giving you more sorrow it is of course totally fine to break of contact, I just find it kind of funny when people like Hawk call people like you pathetic when they are the ones who decided to flee instead of fight. If you want to keep the friendship you should be honest towards her about your feelings though. Friendships and relationships are both build on honesty. Just don't expect to get back together with her and give other girls a chance. Go work out, get nice clothes, meet other girls. Best case scenario: You will look so hot, she will fall in love with you again. Worst case scenario: You have fun with other girls who you might love too one day (it is totally possible to love more then 1 person at once) and you end up having a friendship with a person you really care about.
Don't listen to this guy. There is nothing courageous nor noble about what you're doing. In fact, it's probably the opposite. You're too chicken to break off contact with her because you're afraid you'll lose her from your life. You claim that you can't let her go but that's not true at all - you've never even tried. Just break off contact for a year; I bet you won't even remember what she looks like.
Obviously, you don't always have to cut off ties with your ex but you're an extreme case. You're in LaLa land. You're clinging onto a sliver of hope that ONE day you'll be able to get back with her - this mindset will ruin all other chances you have of a real fucking relationship. This girl is clearly poison. No decent human being would be bragging about their current relationship to their ex-boyfriend while still telling him he's a plan B if nothing else works out (so really you're more like a plan Z).
To put things bluntly, you've placed her on the pedestal and she treats you like dogshit - find someone who actually treats you the way you treat them. And I apologise for sounding harsh but god fucking damn it, reading bad advice just tilts me.
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Hawk, could you please stop posting, since you´re only trying to get off cheap shots anyway? It´s probably funny to a kid who has never been in love, or thinks that "feelings are gay". If you could actually sympathize you wouldn´t act so demeaning, so don´t pretend your intentions are any different. So why bother?
Redbluegreen, there is nothing noble, nor courageous about his choice. In fact, he does not make a choice, hence he is stuck and knows it. Best thing is to realize there can be no friendship at all, if he wants to get back on his feet again. Problem is, in that situation, you don´t want to get back on your feet, just stay close no matter the price. But it won´t work, and she is being a tremendously immature about it, not sympathizing even a tiny bit. OP has to realize she is a bitch playing with him and get the hell outta there.
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if the guy was so perfect why does she telling you and having a great deal about it? - yes that is the question. Posible anwers are:
a. she makes you jelly which gives us sub reasons:
1a. she really likes you in truth
1b. she must have been so fucked up about you she is torturing you.
b. she made you her bitch (gay friend she could tell shit kind), that kind of gay friend she never had.
so my actions would be clarify if which one are you, and end your torment. If she likes you fine go for it, if not, dont let her use you, dont be her bitch! grow a pair and face this or go look for another girl.
or you can stay in the "friend zone" but fuck her on the side, that way you are even and switch it to "friendzone with benefits"
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well OP you're friendzoned after dating a girl so I am assuming you already smashed. I hooked up with my ex's plenty of times after we broke up its natural. Unfortunately she seems to have found a Greek God as a boyfriend so best thing you can do now is go talk to other girls and meet someone new. Honestly the only way you're gonna get her back is if u're prepared to loose her. I.e. don't talk to her very much, go out and meet new girls. The key is you can't do this with the intention of getting her back. Its a weird paradox, but its the only way I've broken out of the friend zone.
Oh and don't take anything Hawk says seriously, here is what a guy looks like that takes cheap shots at others on the internet
+ Show Spoiler +
just saying...
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On July 30 2013 14:44 Daswollvieh wrote:
Redbluegreen, there is nothing noble, nor courageous about his choice. In fact, he does not make a choice, hence he is stuck and knows it. Best thing is to realize there can be no friendship at all, if he wants to get back on his feet again. Problem is, in that situation, you don´t want to get back on your feet, just stay close no matter the price. But it won´t work, and she is being a tremendously immature about it, not sympathizing even a tiny bit. OP has to realize she is a bitch playing with him and get the hell outta there.
There can be friendship. It worked for me and it worked for some of my friends, it just takes longer to get over her. In the end though you end up with some new girls and retaining a possibly great friendship with your ex. The ones who decided to break of contact on the other hand are the ones who will tell you "Oh shit I saw my ex in this club, let's go change location" because they never really dealt with their emotions and are used to just running away from it.
There's gonna be a point in life where you can't use that tactic anymore, be it that you and your ex share many friends or that you have kids or something. If you have never learned at that point how to deal with these emotional problems on your own without running away it's gonna be much worse, especially if you have kids.
Also, I don't see how his ex is being a bitch or jerking him around.
I see it like woreyour that there are 3 ways to interpret her behavior based on the information in the OP.
1) She still has feelings for him and wants to make him jealous.
2) She is not aware how strongly OP still feels about her and that telling him about her new bf might hurt him, in which case it is the OPs job to be honest to her and if he doesn't want to hear about her new bf he has to tell her.
3) She is a bitch and tells him just to hurt him.
No need to automatically assume the worst of people imo.
BigAsia's advice is solid too.
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On July 31 2013 00:27 REDBLUEGREEN wrote:Show nested quote +On July 30 2013 14:44 Daswollvieh wrote:
Redbluegreen, there is nothing noble, nor courageous about his choice. In fact, he does not make a choice, hence he is stuck and knows it. Best thing is to realize there can be no friendship at all, if he wants to get back on his feet again. Problem is, in that situation, you don´t want to get back on your feet, just stay close no matter the price. But it won´t work, and she is being a tremendously immature about it, not sympathizing even a tiny bit. OP has to realize she is a bitch playing with him and get the hell outta there. There can be friendship. It worked for me and it worked for some of my friends, it just takes longer to get over her. In the end though you end up with some new girls and retaining a possibly great friendship with your ex. The ones who decided to break of contact on the other hand are the ones who will tell you "Oh shit I saw my ex in this club, let's go change location" because they never really dealt with their emotions and are used to just running away from it.
Yes, nothing says great friendship with an ex like 'If I never get married, I am counting on you to take care of me'
Also, please do locate at what point anyone here advocated something as childish as booking out of a club because you saw your ex.
So op, what have you decided to do??
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EPT![[image loading]](http://wiki.teamliquid.net/starcraft/images2/thumb/0/07/Hawk_2012ESWC.jpg/300px-Hawk_2012ESWC.jpg)
