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I've been dating a girl for three years.
I'm not that old of a guy, and met this girl just before I moved out of my parents' house. We moved in together, hit it off strong and have been together since.
I love this girl with all my heart and truly wish to be with her all my life. This isn't being reciprocated anymore. Felicity has been wishy washy for almost a year now, though her withdrawal towards me was always blamed on outside circumstances. The issue always seemed to stem from family issues, or money, or what have you. Now however I think I see what's been going on for a while now.
Just this morning I was told that she's not in love with me anymore. Felicity told me that she's dating me because she cares about me and doesn't want to hurt my feelings anymore. I suppose that's a fairly noble goal, but what the fuck. I know I'm not being the most understanding person in the world right now, but Jesus Christ. I would end the relationship right then and there. It feels a little morbid to be with someone you don't love.
I think I'm going to break up with her very soon. I've always held the belief that loving someone is choosing what's best for them despite yourself. I can't stay with a girl a moment too long that openly admits to not being in love with me. But it is confusing, as she said she loves me [verb] but is not "in love with me". To me it seems again, she just cares about and wants what's best for me.
There's a lack of romantics in our relationship. For the past month or so she dodges or just flat out cancels dates I set up with her. She's afraid to be intimate with me in any way. I feel like such a moron for not realizes all this sooner. I mean now that I reflect on how she's acted towards me in the more recent months it makes perfect sense. The girl doesn't want to be with me. That's how I feel.
I'm a huge mess. I feel solid as far as my professional life goes, and could hardly be more solid. But this doesn't matter in the same way. Felicity is my sunshine. I can't be selfish though, just because I'm in love with her doesn't mean things should go on. It has to end the moment Felicity can figure out why she's no longer in love.
We're dating as of now, but I can't see how it will last. I asked her as nicely as I possibly could, this morning, to please take time to find out why she no longer loves me. I think the relationship will only end properly if we can communicate about this whole thing in a clear way. And who knows, maybe it's an issue that can be fixed, but I think that's just getting my hopes up.
This feels so shameful. I feel like I should have known or noticed long ago. I feel like things have gone on too long for her. She was so afraid of hurting me; it's in her nature to try to avoid upsetting others to an extreme degree... She neglects her own needs in this way a lot. This makes it even more important that I take a proper stance, and end things when they need to be ended.
I love her. I feel like I'm apart of her now. I grew up with the notion that a sexual relationship is one that binds the flesh; ending such a relationship will be painful, painful in a way that ought not to come to pass. Sure it's idealistic and naive of myself, but this was my first girlfriend and I truly believed her to be my last. Maybe it's all for the best we separate. Maybe we rushed into things before becoming our own people.
I just want to ruin things around me. I want inanimate objects to crumble underneath all my feelings. Perhaps then I can have some sense knocked into me. Usually I would go ladder and let go of frustrations. You can liken my angry laddering to a drunk drowning their sorrows. However this time is different and unlike other petty frustrations; ladder bingeing won't suffice. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I'll take things slowly and try not to jump onto an impatient trigger. This gun needs to be aimed. [Edit] By gun I meant the act of ending the relationship. As in shooting down the relationship. That's all.
  
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K. Depending on the 'living together' situation, either you move out or she does or you both do. She's perfectly right when she says she loves you but is not 'in love' with you. Think of it along the lines of your family, or close friends, and I'm sure you'll figure out the logic. As for your gun, meh, keep that holstered for the truly damning and irrevocable shit that goes down in one's life. This - your feelings, frustration at 3 years, longing for a return to the past, wondering who/what/when went wrong, etc. - barely registers on that scale.
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Hurts very much when you know you cant do much about it and so much invested into it. I'm going trough similar problem right now :/ pain
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From the sound of it, she is in her early twenties. In my experience, this is basically what girls in their early twenties do. They just don't "feel it" anymore. They start thinking about other possibilities. Maybe they'll be happy with someone else, or somewhere else. They want to have that "new in love" excitement again. There isn't anything you can do about it; just cut and run.
The bright side of this is that you don't actually want to be with a girl when you know her in her early 20s (again, in my experience). Everyone changes over time, but I've watched two girl friends change radically from their early 20s to their late twenties (both physically and emotionally/personality wise). You don't know what she'll be in 10 years, so the reality is you are better off.
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This guy is right.
Early 20's.
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dont wait for the explaination, just dump her. and if you are living together, tell her, and give her 2 weeks to pack up and get out, or if it is her place, say you wanna end it and youl be out within 2 weeks.
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End it now, stop wasting your time.
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end it, you are just making it worse.
It will hurt, but it will go away, 100%.
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If this isn't a troll, you need to just put your foot down and sever it now.
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Happened to me last year. 3 years, early 20's.
Sucks, but you know what you have to do :<
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On July 24 2013 06:46 QuanticHawk wrote:
dont wait for the explaination, just dump her. and if you are living together, tell her, and give her 2 weeks to pack up and get out, or if it is her place, say you wanna end it and youl be out within 2 weeks.
Why not.
I feel terrible and can't sleep. It will be really rough finding some roommates if I need to move out. I do live with quite a few other roommates right now, and don't really have money for more expensive rent.
Today she told me many times she loves me before she left for the day. It hurt a lot to hear, as I know she's not in love with me. I feel drained and exhausted.
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explanation will do nothing and more than likely, will enable both of you to keep up the charade for a bit longer and make it more painful. you have to end it because she is sayin that because she's too much of a wimp to
you are an idiot if you or she doesnt leave if you live together, there's no other way for me to convey how awful of an idea that is
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Early 20's, bitches be crazy.
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There are two things you should consider.... the "I love you but I'm not in love you" part is nothing to worry about on it own really. The state of being in love fades away over time - this is how brain chemistry works. For that time you become a hormone-junkie. Endorphin is being pumped into your system at a rapid pace just because you are with your significant other.
Being in love is a great way to kick things off. It gives you a lot of happiness and a lot of power to build up and change things in your life. It is good to take that time and create a relationship based on something more solid than just pure chemistry.
Unfortunately, it seems it just did not work out in your case. The whole date / intimate situation dodging part indicates that the transition into something solid was not made. The relationship run out of steam...
In a typical "they lived happy ever after" scenario you count on your trusty "we're in love" steam engine to take you for a glorious ride that lasts for a couple of years. During that time you build your own, personal nuclear-powered locomotive that is not on the clock and will (hopefully) last forever. It didn't happen.
To recap: the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" statement is not bad on its own. It is bad in your specific case because it seems to be untrue.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51484 Posts
Ouch thats a lot of feels brah.
But what other thing is there to do? Maybe the best way is to not "talk" about the relationship with eachother to get yourself more and more upset, rather than just say, i think it's time for a break. Ask her to move out (if she is still living with you) or you move out, one or the other. Stay away from her, try and move and see if she comes back. She might not know what she has until it is gone is the best bet.
To just straight up ask her why she doesn't love you and have a proper conversation about it, will probably destroy you feelings, so i would avoid that as it has already hurt you.
IMO, just end it now and try and move on, don't call her and let her get in touch with you if she ever needs anything. But don't ruin both of your lives if she doesn't want the relationship.
Good luck and remember there are many more girls and life has more meaning than a relationship 
On July 24 2013 06:46 QuanticHawk wrote:
dont wait for the explaination, just dump her. and if you are living together, tell her, and give her 2 weeks to pack up and get out, or if it is her place, say you wanna end it and youl be out within 2 weeks.
LOL DUDE, we always have like same opinion in these girl blogs XD
Think we must be long lost bros or some shit 
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On July 24 2013 17:21 Pandemona wrote:Show nested quote +On July 24 2013 06:46 QuanticHawk wrote:
dont wait for the explaination, just dump her. and if you are living together, tell her, and give her 2 weeks to pack up and get out, or if it is her place, say you wanna end it and youl be out within 2 weeks. LOL DUDE, we always have like same opinion in these girl blogs XD Think we must be long lost bros or some shit
o/
a lot of it is kinda common sense, but then again, i made a lot of the same mistakes when i was but a young shit poster
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She's afraid to be intimate with me in any way
thats usually a sign that she is "in love" with someone else.
You should get out of there right now and prepare for her dating saomeone else very soon.
Maybe have sex/date whatever random girls so that her going after her crush doesnt tear you apart.
If possible, make her vanish from your life, it will be much easier that way.
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Well fuck. We talked a lot, I helped her identify the root of some of her issues. Believe it or not but she had ideals set up for our relationship based off of Disney movies. Long story short: she wants to be single but doesn't yet want to admit it.
Breakup will come sooner or later.
What the fuck do I do now. I guess I'll focus more on my professional life. I'm a student currently, but my studies are going really well... I suppose they'll go better now? Jesus Christ.
I think I'll make a run for grand master. My previous best in WoL, while decent, was not shiny and gold colored.
On July 25 2013 10:38 LaNague wrote:
You should get out of there right now and prepare for her dating saomeone else very soon.
Maybe have sex/date whatever random girls so that her going after her crush doesnt tear you apart.
Awe shit. I have no idea how to meet people and have more casual sex. I don't enjoy drinking, and don't enjoy parties. I don't even know if I want to go meet random girls at all.
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Pandemona
Charlie Sheens House51484 Posts
Wait what
Believe it or not but she had ideals set up for our relationship based off of Disney movies
Damn what kind of girl friend do you have!!
Yeah get more hobbies, try and go out to meet more people if you find it hard, start with going to a gym maybe? Or if you like SC2 (which i guess you do) try go to local barcrafts etc and try and meet people through interests so you have something to talk about. Your also a student, this should make meeting people in your college really easy no? Im sure there are people you can get to know etc. You don't even need to make girl friends, you can just go and find a new guy friend who will take you out and meet people with etc and boom you meet his friends which are girls and gg.
Just dont dwell on it too much, of course there is going to be a mourning period everyone expects that, its going to be big, but try for it not to go that long.
GL! Life is long, and unexpected make the most of it
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Just have that conversation on who is going to move out (my guess is you, since you're the bigger emo-wreck), then start dating her best friend. Problems will solve themselves!
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i agree with burrfoot
what exactly is delaying this breakup??...
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Dude, have some self-respect and break up with her now. I don't want to be mean but come on...
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On July 25 2013 22:01 QuanticHawk wrote:
i agree with burrfoot
what exactly is delaying this breakup??...
Likely the fear that nobody wants to be with him.
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well yeah i mean that is obvious i was just looking for some kind of silly rationalization from the op so we can call him out on it
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You two moved in together wayyy too soon
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On July 26 2013 01:20 QuanticHawk wrote:
well yeah i mean that is obvious i was just looking for some kind of silly rationalization from the op so we can call him out on it
rofl Hawk calling it out like it is
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I'm single now.
I feel calm and liberated. I knew it was coming for a while, and was patiently waiting for my partner to come to terms with the breakup on her own doing.
No tears, no drama. I'm sure I'll feel some sorrow in a little while, but I know it'll be short and I can move on. The living situation is being adjusted, even though that really sucks. Blah.
Anyway thanks a million you guys. Even though some of you said very little, it sure as hell helps me out a lot.
Now I'd really appreciate some advice on being single. I haven't done it for three years, but what do you guys think I should do now? I don't have extra money or anything, and can't meet girls at my school. I'm a college student at the moment, and don't really have much more to study for the next couple months.
On July 25 2013 16:46 Pandemona wrote:Wait what Show nested quote +Believe it or not but she had ideals set up for our relationship based off of Disney movies Damn what kind of girl friend do you have!!
Asian, had very strict, traditional parents. Taught her nothing much about relationships.
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Stay busy. Empty downtime is your enemy, as that will inevitably lead to thoughts about her, the past, etc. Do anything to keep busy, even if you don't feel like doing it. Play starcraft. Exercise. Get a part time job if you have to, just don't put yourself in a situation where you are just sitting there, as it will only make things much worse.
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Get a hobby, preferably creative. Learn guitar, write short stories, edit videos ... just do something that makes you feel productive. The worst part is feeling stagnant, I guess. That sensation of life just moving on around you and you just bumming around being useless is always a great way to feel down.
Good luck!
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everyone at college is looking to have drunk regrettable sex. why exactly cant you meet women at school???
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On July 29 2013 02:05 QuanticHawk wrote:
everyone at college is looking to have drunk regrettable sex. why exactly cant you meet women at school???
My school doesn't have many girls, and of the ones it does have they aren't interested.
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Oh I came late to the party, I'm getting rusty.
Just looked like both of you lacked boundaries. Her not being able to confront you with her desires of being single, you not being able to tell a girl that doesn't love you anymore to gtfo.
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EPT
