|
You can call this a "girl blog," although it about my fiance, so I guess "woman blog" suffices.
Anyway, I'm in the doghouse again.
My fiance got a new job a month ago, and she'd been wanting me to come see her. So I brought a couple of my friends with me (who are also her friends; we've all known each other for a while).
Anyway, behind the bar was another female, let's call her the alpha-female (because I don't remember her real name anyway). She's a chip-on-the-shoulder accept-no-bullshit long-black-haired-tatted-out little lady.
So one my friends, who thinks he's really good with women, but is actually a complete fool (and tends towards desperate younger women because women his age smell his bullshit from a mile away), stops her and asks her about her tattoos (he himself is covered with ink as well). As a good service employee, she stops her busy work and spends 5 seconds amusing the customer. My retarded friend asks about a large one on her bicep. She becomes excited and explains she got it yesterday, it has some quote from a book that of course he's never read.
Alas, he is flailing. He doesn't read, she's busy and plainly disinterested, so, assuming all women are trash as he does, he asks her, "Has it gotten the slap test yet?" You could hear a fucking pin drop. The look on her face was one of rage, not disgust. She eventually forces a smile and a "do-hohoho" style laugh, grabs a load of glasses, and hurries away. My friend laughs, amused by his own incredibly idiotic pickup lines.
Well this tattoo was actually in honor of her best friend who had overdosed a month ago (had to hear that part from someone else). It may be unreasonable for her to expect people to know this, yes, but what unfortunate timing! Although why have a big ass tattoo on your arm in plain sight if you don't want people to ask about it!!! *exhales* So that's just one element.
Now, in public and with service I am overly kind and submissive because 1) my fiance is working, so I can't be too "MDJ-like," and 2) because these jobs in high-volume places are difficult and I don't expect to be the most important man in the world. I don't ask for much, I tip well, and I leave.
Well at the end of the night, my friends went outside to smoke (place was closing), and I was trying to close my tab. And I waited. And I waited. Sure they were busy, but ffs, I shouldn't have to wait what ended up being 15 minutes to get some service even though I had been eating and drinking in that same spot for some time. After attempting to wave down two people who were running around like chickens with their heads cut off, I eventually caught someone. I caught the alpha-female, who also looked too busy, but still, if they're closing and they expect me to leave, they should close my tab! After I catch her, I lean in so as not to catch the attention of my fiance, "Listen, I would really like to close my tab now." She says okay. After I leave, unaware that I am the fiance of her coworker, alpha-female tells my fiance that I am "total fucking asshole," no doubt a conclusion reached by a combination of the company I brought with me, her defensiveness of her tattoos, the stress of the night, and my misunderstood insistence on decent service.
So from my fiance's point of view, this angry woman is her friend, my friends (who she wanted to come out, for the record) annoyed her friend, she's trying to establish herself at this new job that she likes, and now she feels like she has to apologize for my behavior, and she knows that anytime I ever come around henceforth, she's probably going to hear about me again from her (here comes that asshole), and I personally can expect some retaliation in the form of poor service, and maybe this strains her relationship with her friend because now it is known she's engaged to my ass.
Even still, surely she wouldn't let this affect how she treats me, right? I mean I'm her fiance. She wouldn't let the opinion of a mild acquaintance get to her so badly right? After all, this woman doesn't even know me, so calling me a "total fucking asshole" is at the very least, impulsive and uninformed.
GONG!
This morning, after informing me of this melodramatic episode (the "total fucking asshole" part), she tells me she can't give me a ride to my truck. My truck is parked at work, she drove me home the other day. Now, it takes 30 minutes for her to get to work, and my work is right off of the interstate. I even said, "Okay... I'll just jump off at the off ramp and walk, no big deal." She said, no, there isn't enough time. It's 9am. She works at 10. The commute is only 30 minutes. The dropoff would take 3 minutes or less. But there's not enough time? Her tone of voice gave it all away. I'm in trouble. And before she leaves, she slips in that I acted too familiar with her coworkers and now she's the one who has to deal with the alpha-female, who I am considering upgrading to "alpha bitch." But then it would be only fair to upgrade my own fiance to a new designation, which is why I should probably stop typing now before I explore those options :O (I mean call her mean names in this blog!)
No, I don't believe I didn't do anything wrong, but I dislike this disproportional "punishment" and I dislike the idea that she's too scared of her coworker to say, "hey, that's my fiance you're talking about," and it's just easier for her to tell me that I could have made her work more difficult because this tatted-out woman is an emotional screwball. A sticky situation for her understand, though in my mind, you pretty much should stand up for/ by your fiance but I guess I'm old fashioned.
So I guess I won't be going back to her workplace, and if I were forced to at gunpoint, I'm certainly not bringing the socially-retarded-not-so-suave friend. Which I guess is fine because if I ever tried to close my tab again, I'm sure I'd just get myself in more trouble.
Of course, I can't go anywhere to blow off steam because I DON'T HAVE MY FUCKING TRUCK with me, can't go grocery shopping, can't go to Lowe's, can't do any of the things I do for this fucking house on my Sundays off.
Hence this blog.
Have an excellent immediate future, everyone.
 
|
It's by association fella. You have your friend to thank for that bullshit and you know it too well. That's what happens when someone is having a shitty day. Anyway, when I'm paying my tab I usually have no problems because of the body language I use and the way I dress which sends a lot of messages. Treat me well and I'll return the favor so to speak. Anyway, I don't like holding grudges. I find it to be very petty and I try to nip it in the bud as soon as something like that develops.
|
That's why we need to hit up the bar foo. I'll just say, " I'm MDJ's friend from the Internet and I'm here to close tabs and open up meth labs."
Seriously though, I wanna go 
I could also say, "I'm here to get tabs closed and you outta them clothes." Up to you.
|
Ouch, farva, at least your lines are classier, comparatively speaking.
It's a cool place, lots of attractive people, no winos, you'd like it. Too bad for me now that I won't be going
|
lol
MDJ if I found myself in that particular scenario I would have taken one for the team and apologized for my boneheaded friend. You knew he ticked her off and something was up. Goes back to what I said about nipping it in the bud so it doesn't fester.
|
On June 03 2013 02:40 StarStruck wrote:
lol
MDJ if I found myself in that particular scenario I would have taken one for the team and apologized for my boneheaded friend. You knew he ticked her off and something was up. Goes back to what I said about nipping it in the bud so it doesn't fester.
None of us knew that her tat was about her dead friend. She mentioned everything but that detail. I'm not a fucking psychic. I shouldn't have to apologize for my friend's poor attempts at picking up bartenders, since my fiance has been hit on for a living for 5 years and this girl probably longer. Occupational hazards.
|
On June 03 2013 02:36 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ouch, farva, at least your lines are classier, comparatively speaking.
It's a cool place, lots of attractive people, no winos, you'd like it. Too bad for me now that I won't be going
Dude, give it a week or so and then you've got a golden opportunity to score good "big man" points. Just go to the bar before it gets busy, get the tatted ladies attention, and be like, "Hey, I know you probably remember me as that asshole with the idiot friend and the bad jokes, but I just wanted to say I apologize. My fiance really likes working here and I don't wanna start off on the wrong foot with her co-workers."
Problem solved. It ain't about having to apologize, it's about giving other people what they want, even if it seems dumb.
|
On June 03 2013 02:45 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 02:40 StarStruck wrote:
lol
MDJ if I found myself in that particular scenario I would have taken one for the team and apologized for my boneheaded friend. You knew he ticked her off and something was up. Goes back to what I said about nipping it in the bud so it doesn't fester. None of us knew that her tat was about her dead friend. She mentioned everything but that detail. I'm not a fucking psychic. I shouldn't have to apologize for my friend's poor attempts at picking up bartenders, since my fiance has been hit on for a living for 5 years and this girl probably longer. Occupational hazards.
Ofc you wouldn't, but you said it yourself. You thought she was pretty peeved by your friend's comment, so you knew something was up. You saw her body language you heard the sarcastic laugh. In other words, you read between the lines. Sometimes you have to take one for the team by apologizing even if you don't know what the fuck it's about. From what you wrote I'm pretty sure you had an idea that she wasn't too pleased with your friend's comments before you got the full story. Yup, occupational hazards suck and that is why I don't date people I work with.
On June 03 2013 02:48 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 02:36 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ouch, farva, at least your lines are classier, comparatively speaking.
It's a cool place, lots of attractive people, no winos, you'd like it. Too bad for me now that I won't be going Dude, give it a week or so and then you've got a golden opportunity to score good "big man" points. Just go to the bar before it gets busy, get the tatted ladies attention, and be like, "Hey, I know you probably remember me as that asshole with the idiot friend and the bad jokes, but I just wanted to say I apologize. My fiance really likes working here and I don't wanna start off on the wrong foot with her co-workers." Problem solved. It ain't about having to apologize, it's about giving other people what they want, even if it seems dumb.
Your friend sounds smart. Good man to have in your corner.
|
On June 03 2013 02:48 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 02:36 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
Ouch, farva, at least your lines are classier, comparatively speaking.
It's a cool place, lots of attractive people, no winos, you'd like it. Too bad for me now that I won't be going Dude, give it a week or so and then you've got a golden opportunity to score good "big man" points. Just go to the bar before it gets busy, get the tatted ladies attention, and be like, "Hey, I know you probably remember me as that asshole with the idiot friend and the bad jokes, but I just wanted to say I apologize. My fiance really likes working here and I don't wanna start off on the wrong foot with her co-workers." Problem solved. It ain't about having to apologize, it's about giving other people what they want, even if it seems dumb.
THIS! Go man up and apologize, even though it clearly isn't your fault. Unless the alpha woman is the most awful person on the face of the earth (which you said she was probably just having a bad/stressful day), she'll forgive you. Fiancee can't get upset about that. I wouldn't even wait a week though. Although you might wait a day, just so you don't come in and feelings are still tender.
|
lol you don't think you did anything, wrong typical male attitude, switch it up. Now apologize to your lady as soon as you can and when you go back to her workplace, apologize to her coworker as well.
Oh and why were you in such a hurry to close the tab? You know the place is flooded and to want service to be faster is inconsiderate thus the 'asshole' (for lack of a better word on her part) comment.
|
Seriously, you have to step up, and force a discussion with your girlfriend.
I can understand that it's important for her to work there, but still, you shouldn't act like that to your boyfriend of 5 years.
Your girlfriend has to take it up with the ink'ed alpha bitch and ask why you were an asshole. I mean, you want to close your tab, nothing wrong there, and you shouldn't take the responsability for your friend making a stupid line - which he had no idea would offend her.
She had a bad day, shouldn't affect other people and she has to realize that.
Especially in a bar, you have to smile and be posetive, no matter what made your day a shit day. You are the customer, you are the reason that she has a job right now (and some other customers also, but you get it.)
|
On June 03 2013 03:54 Kanaz wrote:
Seriously, you have to step up, and force a discussion with your girlfriend.
I can understand that it's important for her to work there, but still, you shouldn't act like that to your boyfriend of 5 years.
Your girlfriend has to take it up with the ink'ed alpha bitch and ask why you were an asshole. I mean, you want to close your tab, nothing wrong there, and you shouldn't take the responsability for your friend making a stupid line - which he had no idea would offend her.
She had a bad day, shouldn't affect other people and she has to realize that.
Especially in a bar, you have to smile and be posetive, no matter what made your day a shit day. You are the customer, you are the reason that she has a job right now (and some other customers also, but you get it.)
Three words: Pick Your Battles.
|
Sure, you should pick your battles.
But, his GF denying him a ride, which wouldn't make her late, because of that?
They are about to get married, there's absolutely no reason to act like that - the man did nothing wrong except asking for the bill and having a friend who's bad a picking up girls.
If you are a bartender you probably get 10+ pick up lines a night. And her having a tattoo with a meaning she can't talk about without getting sad, well... I see no harm done from either of the boys, and therefor they shouldn't get punished.
Lets say MDJ actually did something rude, then I can go with the appology thing, but of nature i would not appologize for something I never did.
|
On June 03 2013 04:11 Kanaz wrote:
Sure, you should pick your battles.
But, his GF denying him a ride, which wouldn't make her late, because of that?
They are about to get married, there's absolutely no reason to act like that - the man did nothing wrong except asking for the bill and having a friend who's bad a picking up girls.
If you are a bartender you probably get 10+ pick up lines a night. And her having a tattoo with a meaning she can't talk about without getting sad, well... I see no harm done from either of the boys, and therefor they shouldn't get punished.
Lets say MDJ actually did something rude, then I can go with the appology thing, but of nature i would not appologize for something I never did.
It doesn't matter who's right and who's wrong, it's about giving people what they want and realizing that sometimes people act irrationally, particularly when it comes to a new job.
|
You can act irrationally in the heat of a battle.
But I would take it up with her some days after and tell her what she did wasn't OK.
You should never change your values and morale just because of a new job, atleast I wouldn't.
Anyways, that's just my thoughts and how I would act towards it.
|
Westy my friend, sometimes you just have to apologize even if it isn't your fault. And cola boy has the right idea of how to do so.
|
Crack open a nice beer and watch Game of Thrones tonight. Thatll solve all your problems.
|
On June 03 2013 05:17 Emnjay808 wrote:
Crack open a nice beer and watch Game of Thrones tonight. Thatll solve all your problems.
I concur.
|
hahaha, this blog made me smile. I mean, that sucks and all, but it's refreshing to read a blog about the annoying day to day conflicts that arise in a long term relationship.
@Kanaz, values and morale don't pay rent 
|
So you wanna close your tap, wait 15 minutes for service, and???
Why is that woman such a bitch?
What did I miss, how does she hold you accountable for the douche's behavior you brought along? Did she know you two were associated, did YOU do anything to her?
I call PMS
|
On June 03 2013 05:44 HaRuHi wrote:
So you wanna close your tap, wait 15 minutes for service, and???
Why is that woman such a bitch?
What did I miss, how does she hold you accountable for the douche's behavior you brought along? Did she know you two were associated, did YOU do anything to her?
I call PMS
yeah I don't understand this either. what did OP do exactly?
|
Your fiance sounds like she's 12. Is this how she normally treats you? Because there are lots of girls out there who aren't crazy...
|
On June 03 2013 05:07 Jaaaaasper wrote:
Westy my friend, sometimes you just have to apologize even if it isn't your fault. And cola boy has the right idea of how to do so.
Apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong is a bad habit to get into. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life apologizing.
|
This is why we can't have nice things.
|
Canada13389 Posts
On June 03 2013 06:05 ziggurat wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 05:07 Jaaaaasper wrote:
Westy my friend, sometimes you just have to apologize even if it isn't your fault. And cola boy has the right idea of how to do so. Apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong is a bad habit to get into. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life apologizing.
You gotta learn to pick your battles. Sometimes you just gotta say sorry :/
|
It's all good, spent the day doing yard work, grocery shopping, laundry, busy work. And a buddy drove me to my truck. I made sure to pick up some beer, juuust in case.
You don't don't a woman for three years without occasionally stepping in some doo-doo.
And if you were thinking about suggesting it, the apology I gave did nothing. Once your apology isn't good enough for your woman, all you can do is throw up your hands and say you're licked.
And tomorrow it'll all be back to normal lol
|
On June 03 2013 09:11 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
It's all good, spent the day doing yard work, grocery shopping, laundry, busy work. And a buddy drove me to my truck. I made sure to pick up some beer, juuust in case.
You don't don't a woman for three years without occasionally stepping in some doo-doo.
And if you were thinking about suggesting it, the apology I gave did nothing. Once your apology isn't good enough for your woman, all you can do is throw up your hands and say you're licked.
And tomorrow it'll all be back to normal lol
Good, so we can go to that bar then after the 10th.
|
On June 03 2013 09:13 farvacola wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 09:11 MountainDewJunkie wrote:
It's all good, spent the day doing yard work, grocery shopping, laundry, busy work. And a buddy drove me to my truck. I made sure to pick up some beer, juuust in case.
You don't don't a woman for three years without occasionally stepping in some doo-doo.
And if you were thinking about suggesting it, the apology I gave did nothing. Once your apology isn't good enough for your woman, all you can do is throw up your hands and say you're licked.
And tomorrow it'll all be back to normal lol Good, so we can go to that bar then after the 10th.
You're just attracted to tatted-out skinny firecrackers, farva.
You distract the angry bartender while I drink the beer. It's foolproof, I tellz ya!
|
what did you apologize about?
|
On June 03 2013 09:17 Race is Terran wrote:
what did you apologize about?
Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends, wrong bartender to ask for a check from?
In reality the only thing I'm sorry about was showing up.
|
On June 03 2013 09:25 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends, wrong bartender to ask for a check from? In reality the only thing I'm sorry about was showing up.
well i'm not too surprised that she didn't like that apology
|
|
|
On June 03 2013 09:33 Race is Terran wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 09:25 MountainDewJunkie wrote:On June 03 2013 09:17 Race is Terran wrote:
what did you apologize about? Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends, wrong bartender to ask for a check from? In reality the only thing I'm sorry about was showing up. well i'm not too surprised that she didn't like that apology
(of course that's not how I apologized, and I certainly didn't mention any of those points)
|
On June 03 2013 04:18 Kanaz wrote:
You can act irrationally in the heat of a battle.
But I would take it up with her some days after and tell her what she did wasn't OK.
You should never change your values and morale just because of a new job, atleast I wouldn't.
Anyways, that's just my thoughts and how I would act towards it.
It just doesnt work that way. Women hold shit against you for the longest periods of time. I still have shit i CANNOT bring up with my wife that happened months, YEARS back.
MDJ, we need to ditch our wives and get hitched man, if you pulled that shit on me i'd tell that alpha-bitch to suck me and ride into the sunset with my soon to be hubby :D
but really, women, especially ones with the attachment of engagement / marriage. Are fucking difficult to deal with
|
On June 03 2013 08:00 ZeromuS wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 06:05 ziggurat wrote:On June 03 2013 05:07 Jaaaaasper wrote:
Westy my friend, sometimes you just have to apologize even if it isn't your fault. And cola boy has the right idea of how to do so. Apologizing when you didn't do anything wrong is a bad habit to get into. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life apologizing. You gotta learn to pick your battles. Sometimes you just gotta say sorry :/
That's true in the abstract. But here the op did nothing wrong and his fiancé treated him in a way that I would say is unacceptable for an adult. She is the one who should apologize. Apologizing to someone when they treat you like shit is a good way to be treated like a doormat from then onwards.
|
On June 03 2013 09:42 MountainDewJunkie wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 09:33 Race is Terran wrote:On June 03 2013 09:25 MountainDewJunkie wrote:On June 03 2013 09:17 Race is Terran wrote:
what did you apologize about? Wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends, wrong bartender to ask for a check from? In reality the only thing I'm sorry about was showing up. well i'm not too surprised that she didn't like that apology (of course that's not how I apologized, and I certainly didn't mention any of those points)
oh, well you certainly answered my question.... @_@
|
I think alpha girl is being over-sensitive, but like MDJ said, she is a "chip on [her] shoulder" type, also sometimes known as a "crazy bitch." What I think this means is she is not afraid of emotional confrontation, and maybe even prefers that over ignoring things. So, like others have said, some emotional understanding is needed if you want to be on good relations with alpha girl. She does not want people disrespecting her dead friend. I think she would prefer it if MDJ made sure to see how she feels for the purpose of "seeing through" the results of the actions of his friend (the dude he brought along).This just acknowledges her right to be angry and shows understanding of the situation. On top of that the second opportunity to show some sensitivity to her feelings was lost because he was impatient with her on the tab. So if he wanted to be nice something like "hey i realize you have a lot of work to do but i'm really in a rush. I'm sorry for all this trouble tonight...i'm really a pain.. (buy you a drink sometime?)"
In conclusion, i can only draw on my own minimal experiences in such circumstances, but theoretically the emotional distress is surmountable.
-sincerely, a nice guy
|
On June 03 2013 09:56 Capped wrote:Show nested quote +On June 03 2013 04:18 Kanaz wrote:
You can act irrationally in the heat of a battle.
But I would take it up with her some days after and tell her what she did wasn't OK.
You should never change your values and morale just because of a new job, atleast I wouldn't.
Anyways, that's just my thoughts and how I would act towards it. It just doesnt work that way. Women hold shit against you for the longest periods of time. I still have shit i CANNOT bring up with my wife that happened months, YEARS back.
just because you two blow at communication doesn't mean that all women are immature
op, even if you dont think what you did was rude, it pissed off someone she works with. She's right no matter what in that instance. But fwiw, my siblings have worked at bars for years and I would never flag down another bartender there that way if they were busy. It is pretty rude. Trust me, they saw you. Also, why the hell wouldn't you try to introduce yourself right away??? That is just silly in general haha. If you did it right away they probably give you better service and cheaper drinks
Granted, you had not addressed the issue yet, but it is stupid to play that pissy bullshit on rides and you should call her out on it. Apologize first though and make it sincere. Don't say it and then tell her how she fucked up in the same breath
e: also apologize to the bartender for being rude, and for your dipshit friend (or friends if others were being dumb too). Shit happens at bars, they're used to it. If you apologize and don't do anything dumb the next few times, everyone will forget. They're all probably alcoholics anyway
|
|
|
|
|
|
EPT
