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I'm sure many of you have heard about the wonderland of joy and effervescence that is the TeamLiquid Writing Staff. I have discovered through years of research and hard work, things could not be more different. In this article I will attempt to shed some light on the quite frankly appalling conditions of the TeamLiquid Writing Staff sweatshop. After paying some of the higher ups a significant amount of cash, they let me and what I could fit in a small carrier bag into the small cramped room that rotting carcasses and fresh new trial writers alike share. The first thing that I noticed as I strolled inside was the smell. A pungent odour assaulted my nostrils, a mixture of sweat, blood and some oddly coloured liquid my tour guide Heyoka assured me wasn't poisonous.
I forced myself to stop sticking my fists up my nostrils and take in my surroundings. There were multiple computers lined up against the wall, and in them sat hunched, skeletal figures. At first I was not even sure if they were people until i heard the click-clacking sound of keyboards, as recap after recap was relentlessly pumped out from their minds. Mattresses were scattered around the dirty floor, covered in blood, sweat, tears and God knows what else. While I had seen some disgusting things in my time (I'm sure you all remember my article on KMD), nothing prepared me for the other...items on the floor. Hands lay there, the wrists broken and shattered. I would hazard a guess that these hands belonged to the former employees of this mad regime, and the wrists were strained so much the hands actually dropped off. From there, the employee was sacrificed to the 3 Old Gods of Nazgul, Meat and Rekrul. How do I know that you ask? Because the mutilated corpses lay there, and no one payed any heed to them. I walked towards the hunchbacks sat in the chairs, endlessly working away to provide content for the hungry masses. I tapped one on the shoulder, but I got no response. A nameplate on his monitor told me his name was Fionn. On closer inspection, he seemed to be asleep.
I moved onto the next desk, where I found a young fellow by the name of Zealously. He seemed to have temporarily stopped working to stare at a picture of the popular programer Life. He seemed to be grunting under his breath, and whether or not that was out of joy or pain it was hard to tell. The other work stations were empty, the employees must be dead or taking their 30 minutes of sleep they are allowed for each week. Heyoka kept us moving onto the back of the room, where the head honcho of this horrible hellhole waited. His name is Waxangel, and he sat on a gold-adorned throne, with 3 monitors surrounding him. It was rumoured he had watched every game of Starcraft ever played, and you could see why. His head snapped back and forth between the screens, taking in all the information. His grotesque 6 arms which sprouted out his back flew across the keyboard, editing the peons articles. At his right hand sat a man dressed purely in grey linen, with a shaved head. He seemed to be playing chess with himself, and Heyoka later told me his name was monk. My nervous tour guide then cracked some joke about monk losing his period, which I found utterly distasteful, having just lost my own. After one last sweep of the smelly, sordid room which revealed little more than the sleeping writers, I decided to depart. I originally had planned to stay and experience what it was like to write under these conditions, but I feared my willpower was not strong enough.
I hope this article has shown you, Teamliquid is not perfect. It is a great hulking beast, and like any beast there is some beauty. However, we must not be fooled into complacency by the beauty, and we must stay ever vigilant against the likes of Waxangel and his henchman. I am hatching a plan to destroy this decrepit organisation from the inside, I will reveal more at a later date. For now, I say spare a moment for those who are forced to work under these horrific conditions. They are few, and their burden is great. I'll do what I can, and I ask that you do the same. Good night and God bless.
+ Show Spoiler +Nothing in this article should be taken as fact, and should probably be ignored entirely
 
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How do i get in the Resistance?
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United States15536 Posts
I hope you went into witness protection. Gods help you regardless.
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You contribute to the community, make me have a reason for inviting you. The one night, you will go to sleep in your bed thinking of that beautiful bowl of cereal you will have the following morning. If I have decided you are worthy, I will transport you to the Resistance headquarters, here in the Blog section.
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But surely waxangel isn't as bad as you say, I once saw him offering the children sweets and drives them around in his large van.
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On March 20 2013 07:18 neoghaleon55 wrote:
But surely waxangel isn't as bad as you say, I once saw him offering the children sweets and drives them around in his large van.
That child-friendly manner he has is just a mask, hiding the true evil inside of him.
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
This is even better than I was hoping for =D
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Thanks, the idea came to me while I was brushing my teeth oddly enough.
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
It is my understanding that the greatest ideas visit you in the bathroom!
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On March 20 2013 07:35 Zealously wrote:
It is my understanding that the greatest ideas visit you in the bathroom!
A lot of things visit me in my bathroom...
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5/5 for bravery, but unfortunately my image of TL writing staff has been formed very early on by this masterpiece, so no ugly rumour can ever taint the beautiful scene in my head.
I believe in the order of things, viva la regime!
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"The horror! The horror!"
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On March 20 2013 07:47 Kittan wrote:5/5 for bravery, but unfortunately my image of TL writing staff has been formed very early on by this masterpiece, so no ugly rumour can ever taint the beautiful scene in my head. I believe in the order of things, viva la regime!
That was a long time ago, before riptide joined the dark side and Waxangel corrupted himself somehow. Or something.
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haha great as always kollin 
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I'm eagerly waiting for the responses from the TL writers
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i fear for you life kollin
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Do not fear, I have an impenetrable defence in the form of the bodies of those loyal to me reinforcing the walls and ceilings of the Resistance's hideaway.
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I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago, Wax contacted me to guest-write a section of an upcoming article...which I did.
Does that mean he now owns my soul as well? Do I need to join the resistance?
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excellent exposing the slavelike conditions of TL writers (wonder where probe went? yeah. they tried to replace him and put someone else on his account for a while but that one had to be 'taken care of' too for speaking up)
requesting an essay on war. suggested title: War: Good God Y'all, What Is It Good For?
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United States97277 Posts
That's too bad about the writers. Team LR lives in a mansion funded by post count although we are kind of jealous of Waxangel. We get to leisurely work when the games happen and sit back and relax :D Awesome life.
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On March 20 2013 08:38 neoghaleon55 wrote:
I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago, Wax contacted me to guest-write a section of an upcoming article...which I did.
Does that mean he now owns my soul as well? Do I need to join the resistance?
You can do whatever you want, but if you work for wax prepare to work 29 hours a day.
On March 20 2013 08:42 Shellshock1122 wrote:
That's too bad about the writers. Team LR lives in a mansion funded by post count although we are kind of jealous of Waxangel. We get to leisurely work when the games happen and sit back and relax :D Awesome life.
*Grumble*Alright for some...*Grumble*
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United States97277 Posts
On March 20 2013 08:46 kollin wrote:Show nested quote +On March 20 2013 08:38 neoghaleon55 wrote:
I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago, Wax contacted me to guest-write a section of an upcoming article...which I did.
Does that mean he now owns my soul as well? Do I need to join the resistance? You can do whatever you want, but if you work for wax prepare to work 29 hours a day. Show nested quote +On March 20 2013 08:42 Shellshock1122 wrote:
That's too bad about the writers. Team LR lives in a mansion funded by post count although we are kind of jealous of Waxangel. We get to leisurely work when the games happen and sit back and relax :D Awesome life. *Grumble*Alright for some...*Grumble*
Well I guess nothing's that bad when you're a bot, except for those captchas...
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No... NO THIS CANNOT BE! IS KIANTE A CORPSE TOO? Our poor kangaroo. 
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On March 20 2013 08:55 ghrur wrote:No... NO THIS CANNOT BE! IS KIANTE A CORPSE TOO? Our poor kangaroo.
kiante is currently living in waxangel's majestic fannypack
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East Gorteau22261 Posts
On March 20 2013 08:38 neoghaleon55 wrote:
I forgot to mention that a few weeks ago, Wax contacted me to guest-write a section of an upcoming article...which I did.
Does that mean he now owns my soul as well? Do I need to join the resistance?
You're toast.
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Magic Woods9326 Posts
On March 20 2013 07:29 kollin wrote:
Thanks, the idea came to me while I was brushing my teeth oddly enough.
So the video had more impact than you realise.
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As I feared the infomation matrix has been comprimised. Return to first principles. I suggest we start by writing a community article written by the entire community. Each member shall be allowed to input a single word, and then once the document is assembled, each memeber will gain the ability to edit it. When we finally release it, teamliquid shall be blown away by this document that makes Karl Marx's look like a soccer mom.
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On March 20 2013 18:15 Bswhunter wrote:
As I feared the infomation matrix has been comprimised. Return to first principles. I suggest we start by writing a community article written by the entire community. Each member shall be allowed to input a single word, and then once the document is assembled, each memeber will gain the ability to edit it. When we finally release it, teamliquid shall be blown away by this document that makes Karl Marx's look like a soccer mom.
I will profile each member of the writing team soon. Expect more updates.
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United Kingdom14464 Posts
On March 20 2013 08:42 Shellshock1122 wrote:
That's too bad about the writers. Team LR lives in a mansion funded by post count although we are kind of jealous of Waxangel. We get to leisurely work when the games happen and sit back and relax :D Awesome life. Woah, I've been seriously misled. I'm in team [LR], and all I got was a skype group with an angry swedish dude, bullying via PM and this lousy jjakji t-shirt.
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Team Fan Club beats all y'all in funding and popularity!
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TLADT24920 Posts
wow, such exposure! You are a brave one kollin! I hope for your sake that you are well protected against the likes of this writing team :O Who knows what devious plan they are currently hatching to silence your voice, the voice of truth for those poor writers!
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Thank you brother. I do what I must, and I can only pray these malevolent leaders cannot find my hidden refuge.
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5003 Posts
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