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The Wait has Ended

Blogs > TheAmazombie
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TheAmazombie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States3714 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-02-26 05:00:48
February 26 2013 04:47 GMT
#1
This is the final entry about my father. For the previous entries, please see these blogs:
Impending Loss
Waiting...
Shifting Places


The Wait Has Ended

On Friday, early afternoon, my father passed away. He had been fighting a long and tough battle with pulmonary fibrosis and it got to a point that his body could just no longer take it. Awhile ago we were aware that each time he got sick, each time he had to go to the doctor’s or to the hospital, it could very well be his last. This time, it was.

On Thursday afternoon my mother took him to see the doctor because he was not acting well, but with this disease it is sometimes hard to tell if he is sick, or just declining. They checked him out, saw he was having issues, scheduled a new CT scan for the next week, and sent him home. Later that evening he was having more issues breathing, and finally, seeing how bad my father was doing that night, my mother told him that she had to call the ambulance because if she didn't, he was going to die right there. He agreed.

The medics came, loaded him up, and started the 30 minute drive to the hospital in Reno. My mother texted me to let me know they were going in. I was at work (night shift) and so I knew what was going on. After I got off at 4:30 in the morning I texted her and asked her how he was doing, what did she want me to do. She said they were admitting him and to go home and get some rest, she would call me in a bit.

I went to my parent’s house, and fell asleep. A few hours later my mom comes in, wakes me, and says we have to go, Dad was taking a turn for the worst. Once my father was admitted and stable, she came home for a bit to get some rest as she was up for over 24 hours. After driving home, she slept about an hour, and then the doctors called. As we were throwing our clothes on, she get’s another call from the doctor telling her that she needs to come now, he is doing downhill fast.

On the phone she is crying, it takes 30 minutes to get to the hospital from her house, and the doctors were not sure if we would make it before he went. They said he was on “comfort” status which means they were just trying to ease his pain, there was nothing more they could do. My mom told the doctor we were on our way, that we would get there as soon as we could, and that they had been married for 35 years, tell him that we loved him in case we don’t get there in time.

As soon as we hop in the truck, we are both in tears, she says to me “Daddy’s dying...” and we can hardly control ourselves. We take off, and headed out...on the road my mom calls my sister, who lives about a 6-hour drive away and tells her that dad is failing, she is in tears on the phone, says she will come as soon as she can, apologizes that she cannot be there for us right now, and says she is glad I am with her.

On the way we also call a few other family members, let them know what is happening. Luckily we arrive and he is still alive...if you have ever seen late-stage pulmonary fibrosis, it is not pretty. The body cannot breath, he is struggling so hard. He is on 100% oxygen, breathing as hard as his body can, and still only able to keep his oxygen saturation at around 70% and declining slowly. We knew he was downhill from here...this was going to be it.

They doctor’s gave him morphine and ativan to ease his pain. They moved his roommate to another room to give us privacy, did everything for us we could have asked for, they were the most wonderful nurses that I had ever seen. My mom called my sister, put the phone to his ear, and let her say good bye to him, let him know she loved him. He was half-sedated, but seemed to acknowledge. After a while they needed to hook up some stuff, and we left the room for a bit. My father is Catholic, so my mother requested a priest to come and read him his last rites. After a bit we went back into his room...he was struggling still and looked horrible, his O2 sats were now at 40%...he would not have lasted but another few hours.

The doctor came to us and said that at this point leaving his oxygen on was just prolonging the the pain and recommended taking off the O2. My mother in tears, a registered nurse herself for many years, agreed that it would be best - there was no hope for recovery at this point.

The nurses gave him more pain meds to sedate him, ease his pain more. Finally my mom said to turn off the oxygen. The nurses did and left the room...as he was dying, my mother holding his hand, telling him we would be alright, he could go, he could be out of pain, telling him to relax and let go...we were both in tears, weeping as we watched my father die.

As his heart gave out, the priest came in to pray for him, send him off. My mother and the priest held onto him as his body gave the last few reflexive breathes, he was already gone by this point, but it comforted my mother.

I was there with his brother, my uncle, when he died from the same disease...I was there with him this time as well. I refuse to let dying people be alone...it is the hardest things in the world to watch, but I feel like I would want my loved ones to send me off, so I have always volunteered to be there when it is time for family and friends to go.

We called the family, talked the social worker, and after crying for a bit it was time to say goodbye. My mother had a hard time leaving...she had been married to the guy for 35 years and she knew this was the last time she was going to see him. We hugged his body, said goodbye, and left to start with arrangements.

The couple of days since have been hard, but we knew it was coming for a while, and spent time with friends and family mourning and taking care of the worst business that most people will ever have to go through...funeral plans, calls, paperwork...

I had to explain to my 4-year old son about the fact that Grandad had died, the doctor’s couldn't fix him anymore, and he loved us, and we will miss him. It is so hard...

Overall we are okay, plenty of love and support from support from friends and family. My mother finally realized today that she was now a widow, and that was hard for her to admit. We will make it through and take everything one day at a time.

I just want to thank TL for the love and support you had given me on my previous blogs while I wrote about going through all of this. Losing a loved family member, someone that had always been there your entire life is so difficult and emotional...the worst part is watching my mother who loved him more than anyone on this planet grieve...wishing you could do more, while doing all you can.

Please know that death happens, there is only impermanence in this world, and in time all things fade and life carries on in its way.

I love you Dad, you will be missed.

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]
My father holding my newborn son 4 years ago, before he got really sick...


*****
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. -Charlie Chaplin
RiceAgainst
Profile Blog Joined November 2011
United States1849 Posts
February 26 2013 04:56 GMT
#2
I had to explain to my 4-year old son about the fact that Grandad had died, the doctor’s couldn't fix him anymore, and he loved us, and we will miss him. It is so hard...


I almost cried when I got to this part. At least you were with him when he passed. RIP.
DarkPlasmaBall
Profile Blog Joined March 2010
United States44442 Posts
February 26 2013 05:19 GMT
#3
Good thing I had tissues nearby.

R.I.P.; my thoughts are with your family tonight. At least he's no longer suffering ♥
"There is nothing more satisfying than looking at a crowd of people and helping them get what I love." ~Day[9] Daily #100
Chairman Ray
Profile Blog Joined December 2009
United States11903 Posts
February 26 2013 05:22 GMT
#4
that was really touching, the photo at the end... just man..
number01
Profile Joined December 2012
203 Posts
February 26 2013 05:26 GMT
#5
Damn man, If I could give you a strong hug right now I would do it. I am kind of sad thinking that I will have to experience the same thing sooner or later and someday I will also have to face death. Its scary.
Idra is the reason I play SC
Assault_1
Profile Joined April 2009
Canada1950 Posts
February 26 2013 05:35 GMT
#6
RIP
TheAmazombie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States3714 Posts
February 26 2013 07:06 GMT
#7
Thank you everyone...It is one of those experiences that is so hard, but at the same time, part of life that needs to be experienced...and these situations also let you know who your real family and friends are.

We had people from all over make the drive to come and see my mother after a horrible loss like this. We just have to be thankful for the time that we had together and all that he gave us. I told my son to just remember the good time, remember the fun things that he and his grandfather did together, remember your love for him.
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. -Charlie Chaplin
fire_brand
Profile Blog Joined October 2009
Canada1123 Posts
February 26 2013 08:22 GMT
#8
RIP, my condolences to you and your loved ones. It's really hard to lose someone you love, it feels like I've experienced way too much of that after being lucky for so long. Thank you for the blog. As sad as it was, I know how cathartic it can be, as I wrote one not too long ago myself.

You were there with him when he left and he had support through it all which is all anyone can ask for. I'm sure he went happily knowing his family was doing well. Take care of your mom. Keep his memory alive.
Random player, pixel enthusiast, crappy illustrator, offlane/support
beachbeachy
Profile Blog Joined June 2011
United States509 Posts
February 26 2013 08:43 GMT
#9
I am so sorry. Godspeed in your grief.
Dream no small dreams for they have no power to move the hearts of men. - Goethe
ilovekimchi
Profile Joined February 2013
United States18 Posts
February 26 2013 08:49 GMT
#10
Sorry for your loss. RIP
Azera
Profile Blog Joined December 2010
3800 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-02-26 08:56:26
February 26 2013 08:56 GMT
#11
Hey, I'm sorry for your loss. Things happen, so it goes.
Check out some great music made by TLers - http://bit.ly/QXYhdb , by intrigue. http://bit.ly/RTjpOR , by ohsea.toc.
Kaeru
Profile Blog Joined November 2005
Sweden552 Posts
February 26 2013 09:21 GMT
#12
--- Nuked ---
TheAmazombie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States3714 Posts
February 26 2013 18:09 GMT
#13
On February 26 2013 18:21 Kaeru wrote:
I am living in a serviced apartment and had cleaners here while reading this, tried my best no to cry but couldn't... Sorry for your loss. I'm glad you got there in time to be with him in the last moments.

When I read this I can't stop to think of my own family, how important the ones close to us are. How important it is to tell them we love them before it's to late...


It is one of the greatest simple blessings you could hope for in life - being able to see those loved ones once more and send your love to them, help them go in peace. It was so hard to sit there with him, watching him die and feeling helpless, but at the same time I am so thankful that he was not alone, not without his family at his side.
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. -Charlie Chaplin
TheAmazombie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States3714 Posts
March 01 2013 02:40 GMT
#14
Well, on a bit of a side note updating this...today we picked up his ashes...we put him in an old rusted oil can from his antique collection, it is totally him, he would have liked it. We are planning out a funeral for his friends and family back in California soon, so it will be good to see everyone I think.

We are doing pretty good overall, my mom is having some issues, but nothing that she won't make it through as a whole. Apart from that, I have been focusing my time on digitizing the family photos for my mom while also digging through to pic out the best ones of my father for the funeral. It is simple tedious work that keeps me occupied in between games of songpop on facebook.

Thanks again everyone. We are doing well and it is just hard to get used to not seeing him around.
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. -Charlie Chaplin
FryBender
Profile Joined January 2011
United States290 Posts
March 01 2013 20:07 GMT
#15
Thank you for sharing this. And please accept my condolences. It sounds like you're handling this as best as you could. Good luck.
TheAmazombie
Profile Blog Joined September 2010
United States3714 Posts
Last Edited: 2013-03-24 08:40:52
March 24 2013 08:35 GMT
#16
Just updating this a bit:

It has been a month - the funeral is done and most of the paperwork and such has been taken care of - the affairs you know. It it hard to untangle lives that had been so connected for as long as my parents. My mother is so strong, doing well, having weepy days still some, but family and friends have been overall very supportive.

Here is a picture of the altar setup at the church for his funeral. His ashes are in the old oil can, which was a piece from his collection and if you knew him, it is the perfect urn for him. There are some flowers here, other larger setups on the side not shown from various people and businesses, it was very kind.

+ Show Spoiler +
[image loading]


It has been hard for everyone, and while my father and I were never particularly close, just seeing the pain in everyone else is hard so I have been trying to do what I can for them. At the funeral it was nice to see so many people come out, my family and my father in particular, were such a large part of the old-school agricultural community in our hometown, that he made a lot of friends and touched a lot of people, from many local farmers, local government officials, to even the county sheriff. People I didn't know where coming to me, introducing themselves, and telling me stories about how much my father meant to them, ways that he helped them, and what a nice and helpful man he was.

I was told storied about how kind he was, how he gave away and shared equipment, tractors, and tools for other ranchers, how he supported people and gave them a shoulder to cry on, and just what a pleasure he was to be around.

I was also surprised at the cash and checks that people gave to us in the sympathy cards to help my family during all of this. It was so kind and I did not expect that at all. It really meant a lot to us all, we have written thank you cards to just about everyone.

It was great to hear and see...I am so proud of him and I am so glad that our family name is thought of in such regard in an area of the country that I love. I am proud to be his son.
We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. -Charlie Chaplin
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